Future Man (2017–…): Season 1, Episode 9 - Episode #1.9 - full transcript
Previously on Future Man...
It's the Cameronium.
It scrambled our bodies in the jump.
People fucking love me here.
I've got "it."
And what am I asked to do?
Blow shit up.
I was in love once.
- Marigold?
- No, sweet Leslie.
What kind of heroes are we gonna be?
The kind who save the
world by killing a baby
or the kind that save the world
by sending a man down a
path towards a better life?
What have you done?
There's a boat leaving tonight
and we're gonna make sure
Elias Kronish is on it.
Trust me, okay?
This day was the turning
point in Kronish's life.
Okay, he was gonna give it all up
and sail away with his
one true love, Leslie,
but instead he stayed here with his wife
and kept doing his research.
It's his biggest regret
in his entire life.
Wolf, get over here and
help me stand on his chest!
You said if there was a
way to save the world
without sacrificing any
more lives, you'd do it.
This is a way.
How would we get him on that boat?
That part's easy, okay?
- It's fine.
- You always say that
before launching into a
needlessly complicated plan.
We already know that Kronish is having
an affair with Leslie.
So all we have to do is expose that...
- Difficult.
- Which will blow up
- his marriage...
- Speculative.
Which was bad anyways
because Marigold
was already cheating on him too...
- Hearsay.
- Which would give him
the little push he needs to leave.
It's a winwin for everybody.
- Too slow.
- It's gonna work.
Trust me, all right?
We go back to 2017 to a world
where Kronish Lab doesn't even exist.
And if it does, there's always
a baby to kill in 1949.
If you time trick us again,
I'll burst your nut sack.
Okay.
All right, okay.
Wolf, we need some wheels.
I'll get you a
hundred fucking wheels.
No, four, on a car,
we just need a car.
- I'm on it.
- And, Tiger,
we got some shopping to do.
I was licking that.
Let me see if I understand
this Fatal Attraction thing.
I'm psychomistress Glenn Close...
AKA Leslie.
Having pleasure sex
with married man Kronish,
Michael Douglas.
Yes, exactly.
Now all we have to do is get you inside,
take some sexy photos of
you on Kronish's bed,
leave it there for his wife to find,
affair exposed, marriage
over, future saved.
Or... we put a gun to his head
and make him get on the boat.
No, no, no, no, no, we can't force him,
it has to be his own
decision, free will, okay?
Now, put on these assless chaps.
All right.
Wolf, what is this?
1985 Pontiac Fiero GT.
2.8 liter V6, 140 horsepower,
and four fucking wheels.
And two fucking seats.
Where am I supposed to go?
Jesus Christ!
This car is useless.
We'd be better off attaching electrodes
to a sewer clown's nuts,
jumping on his back, and
telling him to run.
What do you want, a sedan?
A fucking minivan?
We're gonna look lame.
I'll make you lame
if you don't return this car.
That's an order.
Yeah, and return the guy,
the guy in the trunk, please.
Can a sewer clown do this?
Boom, that's our way in.
Wolf was supposed to be
here three fingers ago,
he's never late!
Maybe he got lost.
Resistance soldiers don't ever get lost.
We're born trackers.
He could sniff out a
sludge grub in a blood bog
20 kilometers away.
It's gotta be the Biotics.
There's Biotics here?
Yeah, after all our dicking
around in history,
they probably put deep
cover guards on Kronish
at every point in his life.
Hey.
Tight wheels.
Shit.
He has the TTD.
They're gonna be tracking that.
I gotta go find Wolf.
- But this is our only shot.
- You planned this op,
said yourself it was gonna be simple,
so you're gonna have
to pull it off solo.
- But...
- You can do this.
You've come a long way.
Now put on these assless chaps.
Saddle up, Big Poppa.
Fate of the world.
God damn it, Tiger.
Do this go on my neck or where?
Hey!
I'm tracking here!
I'm tracking!
Where are you, Wolf?
You want some of that?
Hey, Corey, where you going?
I got some things to take care of.
Come on, man, just one more game.
For me?
One more.
For you, Blaze.
Too much dick.
A little too much hair.
That's pretty ladylike.
Yeah.
That's a woman.
Perfect.
Let's just seal these up
with a kiss for Marigold.
Not complicated at all.
Well, my husband is
coming home in a few hours,
so we don't have much time.
Yes, come over now.
She is having an affair.
This is even better than my plan.
I'm running out to get champagne,
so you let yourself in.
Wear something sexy.
All right, girl, you can do this.
Come on, now.
Coming in.
I love the '80s!
Yeah, you stuck around
for the best, bro.
Right, bro.
Who we bashing?
Good one.
Remember Chase's dog, Zog?
Just booked a crazy beer commercial.
National campaign.
Hey, Zog, send a couple
cold ones this way.
Is this dog a slave?
Are you kidding?
After his commercials air,
we're all gonna be working for him.
Someone forgot the charcoal.
We got no flame for the 'cue!
- Aw, no!
- And the meat!
Who spaced on the meat?
It was me.
Flame, flesh.
Leave that to me, bros.
Dr. Kronish is already on his way home?
He's sick?
That's wonderful news, thank you.
Marigold's lover.
Piece of cake.
Shit, the bag.
Elias.
What are you doing here?
It's happening!
They're squaring up.
Leslie, I've missed you.
Now this is complicated.
Corey, you're amazing!
You saved the party.
I like to party.
Yeah!
Let's hear it for the 'cuemeister!
That's Wolf's foot.
My little toe.
A battle took place here.
A skull hit the ground there.
There.
There.
So many skulls.
Wolf.
Wolfie, what happened to you?
Not now. Go, go!
No. Come on.
No, no, no. Come on, you're okay.
You're okay.
Party's over.
Who felled that tree?
I don't know what that means
but 9 times out of 10
the answer is Corey Wolfhart.
Let me guess, he was drinking
this frothy piss water,
just scavenging for blowjobs.
Yeah, that's Corey.
He is king of the public beach.
He doesn't care if there
are families around
or nothing.
What's your deal?
Your clothes say party
but your face says pooper.
You think I want a pooping face?
I thought he was dead
but he went AWOL just to have fun?
Well, it sounds to me like
you're worrying too much
about the fun he's having
and maybe not enough about
the fun you're not having.
Frothy piss water?
I'm close, I'm close!
I'm...
Finally.
And now, your turn.
Are you kidding me?
Everyone thinks I'm just this
old rockhearted taskbot
but I wanna have fun too.
- Yup.
- You know?
I wanna...
I wanna lick some party toads,
go to Paris,
see the Eiffel Hole,
shower...
I love to shower.
Do my dance.
I wanna do my dance.
Heck yeah!
Whoa!
Whoa!
Got it, you got it.
Wow, that's cool.
You are fun.
Yeah, that's...
that's what Wolfie doesn't get.
He doesn't get that I can't cut loose.
I can't cut loose.
Not with a world to save.
I should have put him on one
of those ownership chains.
No, no, no, see, that's
where you're wrong.
I let Zog off this leash,
he ran off, came back
with a doggie agent
and a fourcommercial deal.
You gotta let him lap the park,
blow off some steam
every once in a while.
He will come back
because you have a bond
of trust and respect
and that is more important than any...
ownership chain.
You're right, he will come back to me.
I'm gonna let Wolf lap the park.
Yeah.
Thank you, bench oracle.
Now I gotta go help a little man
in some assless chaps.
Your dog.
He's dead.
You ate him.
Yeah, right.
Leslie, can I ask you a
very serious question?
Were you...
meowing?
I thought that was you meowing!
No!
Must have been my neighbor's cat,
always coming through the window.
I can't blame him, I can't
stay away from you either.
Well, good, I wouldn't want you to.
Ever since the 8th grade,
I knew who I really was.
I was just too afraid to act on it
till I met you.
And you know what?
Holding each other,
that's the best part.
How did Marigold take the news?
Well, um...
You haven't told her?
I'm going to, I'm packed and everything.
This is the hardest part.
I'm thinking of Dear Johning it.
No, no, no, you have to
tell it to her face.
You owe her that much.
- Elias, you home?
- It's Marigold!
Shit!
Hey, honey!
Are you having doubts?
Tell her!
- I just came home early!
- I wanna hear it.
I'll be here for moral support.
I'll hide underneath the bed
or in the closet.
That's ridiculous.
Out the window.
I'll see you at the marina tonight?
Of course.
Why did you come home?
The truth is, Marigold,
I...
decided to give myself a birthday treat
and come home early
so I could curl up with
that mystery I'm reading.
Why are you so sweaty?
That's just my heart racing
trying to determine who done it.
Okay, all right, well, I
have a surprise for you.
But I don't want you ruining it.
So, you are going to get back there,
you are going to run me
the hottest, nicest bath
you can think of, okay?
You're gonna add the bubble
and a little bit of Epsom
salt with that "genete."
'cause my hip hurts but
Mama's feeling fancy.
Okay, baby?
You are here.
I'm freaking out!
My husband came home early.
Marigold's lover.
What?
- I am Glenn Close.
- Is she drunk?
Your husband is attracted to me.
Fatally.
Jesus Christ!
Where did I put that passport?
I'm here to have pleasure
sex with your husband.
I hope so, that's what
I'm paying you for.
Wait here, I'm gonna get Elias.
So you can confront him,
about his betrayal?
No, so you can fuck him
while I go take a bath.
You're not supposed to take a bath.
You're supposed to break down.
Listen, honey,
I know our marriage is in trouble
but I am not about to become
one of those sad divorcées
that the ladies at church gossip about
and those bitches talk.
You love Leslie, you love him,
you're going, find the passport.
I don't wanna have sex with him
and he definitely doesn't
wanna have sex with me.
That is where you,
a birthday prostitute, come in.
Okay, so you're just gonna let Kronish
just lap the park,
blow off some steam.
Just set him free and know
that he'll come back to you
based on your bond of trust and respect.
What are you talking
about, "set him free"?
This is about control.
Who he fucks, when he fucks,
what he fucks, I'm in charge.
You are incredible.
Damn right.
You don't give a drifter freedom.
You'll never see him again.
You remind him that
you're the one in charge,
that he signed up for this mission
and whether he likes it or not,
you're both in this together
till death.
Yes, that is marriage.
You can't give up on it.
- Never surrender.
- Never surrender.
Never surrender.
Thank you, cunning wife oracle.
All right, from this point on,
less talking, more fucking.
Speaking of, he never gets fully hard
so you might have to roll it on up
and cram it in there.
But you look like you
know what you're doing.
Good luck.
Copy that.
Roll and cram.
Tiger.
Tiger!
Tiger!
A Biotic.
- This is a detonator.
- Really?
That's what we're doing?
Don't move.
You take one more step,
I press this button, the
whole house is wired,
it blows up, we all die, and
your mission's a failure.
You wanna test me, you
wanna fucking test me?
I'll die right now, I'm loco!
Okay, you're in charge.
I guess I'm your hostage now.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, you're my hostage.
I suppose you wanna tie
me up or something.
Yeah, that's actually
a really good idea.
Go, go in there to the right, go.
Don't do anything stupid.
Handcuffs are gonna cost ya.
Don't threaten me, okay?
This isn't my first time.
Okay, yeah, I forgot,
you're in complete control.
You getting it all hot
and steamy for me, baby?
Yes.
But we haven't taken a bath together...
No, the bath is for me.
Your surprise is in the living room.
Let's just say I know
what you've been missing
and in order to keep
our marriage working,
I'm willing to make allowances.
Go, thank you.
Tiger!
Tiger, there's a Biotic.
Tiger!
- Tiger, there's a...
- Leslie, is that you?
I told you to go out the window!
Leslie!
Marigold's in the bath.
Come out!
Good Lord.
Happy birthday.
My God.
You're my birthday surprise?
- She knows.
- She knows?
You're a gigolo, aren't you?
- Yes.
- Marigold clearly
doesn't know what kind of
men I find attractive.
But I can't believe she was
willing to hire a prostitute.
The Biotic's a prostitute.
If she's willing to make
this kind of accommodation,
maybe this marriage will work after all.
What? No, no, no, no.
You have to leave her.
I don't remember asking you.
Look, truth is, I've been gigoloing...
gigolo... gigoing...
fucking dudes for money for a while now.
This is not the first time
that a wife has hired me
to try to save her marriage,
and trust me, it never works.
- Never.
- Yeah, well,
maybe that's on you.
You see this?
I'm the fucking best, okay?
Listen to me.
You are in love with someone else.
Someone who you have crazy, passionate,
vibrant sex with for very
long periods of time.
But, most importantly,
you found someone who
you truly love to hold.
Someone who sees you for
who you really are.
This marriage that you're in,
it's nothing more than an anchor
holding you down
when really, you need to set sail.
Metaphorically speaking.
Damn, you're one perceptive hooker.
- The best.
- But you know what?
- You're right.
- I'm right?
- Yes, I should set sail.
- Absolutely!
- I can do this.
- You can!
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
What do I owe you?
- Fifty bucks.
- Take sixty.
Okay.
- You earned it.
- Thank you very much.
- Set sail.
- Set sail.
Hey, Jimmy.
- What's up, Elias?
- Hi.
Hey, I think my cat might have
climbed through your window again.
Mind if I take a quick look?
Well, well, you know,
I don't think now is really a good time.
I'm actually sort of in
the middle of something.
I have gotta get you out of here, okay?
Are you the good guy now?
I'm trying to be.
Look, if the wrong person
sees you right now,
it's gonna undo a whole lot
of progress I just made.
Okay, well, I'm not going anywhere
until I get paid.
Okay, I got 60 bucks.
Sixty bucks?
This isn't a rest stop glory hole.
I'm calling Big Lou.
No, no, no, no, please,
don't call Big Lou.
The last thing we need to do
is add more people to this right now.
All right, I'll get you more money.
Okay, I'll take a TaB too.
What the fuck's a TaB?
- Reverend Leslie?
- Marigold!
I just came to offer
Elias a birthday prayer
which I just did in my head.
- So, I'm gonna see myself out.
- Okay.
Um... Hello, where's my money?
Now if you'll excuse me,
I really have to talk to my wife.
Man, make sure you call me, man.
I will!
You ain't gonna call me.
Come on, you're a good woman.
You gotta get so...
Come on, this profession isn't for you.
Where are you at?
Yeah, you in here, I know you in here.
No, Big Lou!
There's some sensitive things
happening in the house.
We gotta get you out of here.
I'll tell you what's gonna be sensitive
is my asshole after Big
Lou sticks his boot up it
when I don't get him his money.
Bunny, where the hell are you?
No, you don't.
What the hell, man?
- Is Bunny in there?
- Yeah, but you're not getting her back.
- Why not?
- Because she's not yours,
you sick son of a bitch.
She's not mine?
Who do you think got
her out the shelter?
Who do you think paid hundreds
of dollars to get her fixed?
Who do you think cleans up
the box that she shits in?
You monster!
Now we dance.
No, Big Lou, Big Lou, it's
okay, I have your money.
Hey, that's my money.
What the fuck is going on here?
This asshole sucker punched me.
This filthy pimp abuses this woman!
- He's not my pimp.
- I'm a history teacher!
You're a prostitute?
No, no, he's the prostitute.
No, neither one is the prostitute.
Well, I'm a prostitute.
Look, you're so much more than that.
Shut the fuck up, priest.
- You're a priest?
- I'm a reverend.
Yeah, I don't care about
none of you freaks.
I just want Bunny back!
Hold on a second.
You, you thought that
he was the prostitute.
Why would I get you a male prostitute?
Yes, why would she, Elias?
I thought you wanted me
to watch you have sex with him.
I've shared with you my
cuckolding fantasy, haven't I?
No.
I thought you were trying
to tell me you were gay.
Right.
No, just cuckolding.
Just your standard
runofthemill cuck...
Obviously you two have
a lot to talk about.
I gotta go.
My boat still leaves at midnight.
Ooh, what boat, what's he talking about?
I have no idea.
No, no, don't let him leave.
Come on, be true to yourself.
He's in love with someone else.
Seriously, who is this guy?
I haven't the foggiest.
I never met him before in my life.
Don't you act like you don't know
exactly who I am, Elias.
I will not let you treat
me like some slut
you can just bang a couple times
and then throw in the garbage.
I don't know what this
man is talking about.
You thought that you could
just come into my life
and turn everything upside down
and only think about yourself?
You think that we can spend
an entire weekend making love
and then you can just ignore me?
Well, you got another thing coming
because you know what?
I will not be ignored, Elias.
Proof.
Look what he made me do.
Well, what the fuck are
these supposed to prove?
That's it, I'm calling the police.
Give me a 90second head start?
No!
Bunny!
Lord, no!
My Bunny...
my Bunny's dea...
My Bunny's dead!
The cat's name is Bunny?
Ha.
If I'd have known that, I would
have hid it someplace else.
I'm just gonna get my bag and...
Fuck free will, I should
have done the gun thing!
I don't care if we go way back,
I said the tickets are sold out!
Are you Will Call?
I'm supposed to ask you about a ticket.
Name's Corey Wolfhart.
The Corey Wolfhart?
You run with Zog's crew, right?
No.
He runs in mine.
Ran.
Let me get your ticket.
There it is, Corey Wolfhart.
VIP special.
Well, if it isn't the
king of the public beach.
What took you so long?
Your tracking skills are slipping.
I consulted two oracles today.
One said give you your freedom
and you'll come back to me.
He was dumb and ate his own dog.
The other said rein you in
with the illusion of freedom.
She was impressive...
but crazy.
And then I realized,
your freedom, it isn't
mine to give or take.
Neither one of us is gonna be free
until we finish what we started.
You're wrong.
I'm free now.
Because I quit.
It's the Cameronium.
It scrambled our bodies in the jump.
People fucking love me here.
I've got "it."
And what am I asked to do?
Blow shit up.
I was in love once.
- Marigold?
- No, sweet Leslie.
What kind of heroes are we gonna be?
The kind who save the
world by killing a baby
or the kind that save the world
by sending a man down a
path towards a better life?
What have you done?
There's a boat leaving tonight
and we're gonna make sure
Elias Kronish is on it.
Trust me, okay?
This day was the turning
point in Kronish's life.
Okay, he was gonna give it all up
and sail away with his
one true love, Leslie,
but instead he stayed here with his wife
and kept doing his research.
It's his biggest regret
in his entire life.
Wolf, get over here and
help me stand on his chest!
You said if there was a
way to save the world
without sacrificing any
more lives, you'd do it.
This is a way.
How would we get him on that boat?
That part's easy, okay?
- It's fine.
- You always say that
before launching into a
needlessly complicated plan.
We already know that Kronish is having
an affair with Leslie.
So all we have to do is expose that...
- Difficult.
- Which will blow up
- his marriage...
- Speculative.
Which was bad anyways
because Marigold
was already cheating on him too...
- Hearsay.
- Which would give him
the little push he needs to leave.
It's a winwin for everybody.
- Too slow.
- It's gonna work.
Trust me, all right?
We go back to 2017 to a world
where Kronish Lab doesn't even exist.
And if it does, there's always
a baby to kill in 1949.
If you time trick us again,
I'll burst your nut sack.
Okay.
All right, okay.
Wolf, we need some wheels.
I'll get you a
hundred fucking wheels.
No, four, on a car,
we just need a car.
- I'm on it.
- And, Tiger,
we got some shopping to do.
I was licking that.
Let me see if I understand
this Fatal Attraction thing.
I'm psychomistress Glenn Close...
AKA Leslie.
Having pleasure sex
with married man Kronish,
Michael Douglas.
Yes, exactly.
Now all we have to do is get you inside,
take some sexy photos of
you on Kronish's bed,
leave it there for his wife to find,
affair exposed, marriage
over, future saved.
Or... we put a gun to his head
and make him get on the boat.
No, no, no, no, no, we can't force him,
it has to be his own
decision, free will, okay?
Now, put on these assless chaps.
All right.
Wolf, what is this?
1985 Pontiac Fiero GT.
2.8 liter V6, 140 horsepower,
and four fucking wheels.
And two fucking seats.
Where am I supposed to go?
Jesus Christ!
This car is useless.
We'd be better off attaching electrodes
to a sewer clown's nuts,
jumping on his back, and
telling him to run.
What do you want, a sedan?
A fucking minivan?
We're gonna look lame.
I'll make you lame
if you don't return this car.
That's an order.
Yeah, and return the guy,
the guy in the trunk, please.
Can a sewer clown do this?
Boom, that's our way in.
Wolf was supposed to be
here three fingers ago,
he's never late!
Maybe he got lost.
Resistance soldiers don't ever get lost.
We're born trackers.
He could sniff out a
sludge grub in a blood bog
20 kilometers away.
It's gotta be the Biotics.
There's Biotics here?
Yeah, after all our dicking
around in history,
they probably put deep
cover guards on Kronish
at every point in his life.
Hey.
Tight wheels.
Shit.
He has the TTD.
They're gonna be tracking that.
I gotta go find Wolf.
- But this is our only shot.
- You planned this op,
said yourself it was gonna be simple,
so you're gonna have
to pull it off solo.
- But...
- You can do this.
You've come a long way.
Now put on these assless chaps.
Saddle up, Big Poppa.
Fate of the world.
God damn it, Tiger.
Do this go on my neck or where?
Hey!
I'm tracking here!
I'm tracking!
Where are you, Wolf?
You want some of that?
Hey, Corey, where you going?
I got some things to take care of.
Come on, man, just one more game.
For me?
One more.
For you, Blaze.
Too much dick.
A little too much hair.
That's pretty ladylike.
Yeah.
That's a woman.
Perfect.
Let's just seal these up
with a kiss for Marigold.
Not complicated at all.
Well, my husband is
coming home in a few hours,
so we don't have much time.
Yes, come over now.
She is having an affair.
This is even better than my plan.
I'm running out to get champagne,
so you let yourself in.
Wear something sexy.
All right, girl, you can do this.
Come on, now.
Coming in.
I love the '80s!
Yeah, you stuck around
for the best, bro.
Right, bro.
Who we bashing?
Good one.
Remember Chase's dog, Zog?
Just booked a crazy beer commercial.
National campaign.
Hey, Zog, send a couple
cold ones this way.
Is this dog a slave?
Are you kidding?
After his commercials air,
we're all gonna be working for him.
Someone forgot the charcoal.
We got no flame for the 'cue!
- Aw, no!
- And the meat!
Who spaced on the meat?
It was me.
Flame, flesh.
Leave that to me, bros.
Dr. Kronish is already on his way home?
He's sick?
That's wonderful news, thank you.
Marigold's lover.
Piece of cake.
Shit, the bag.
Elias.
What are you doing here?
It's happening!
They're squaring up.
Leslie, I've missed you.
Now this is complicated.
Corey, you're amazing!
You saved the party.
I like to party.
Yeah!
Let's hear it for the 'cuemeister!
That's Wolf's foot.
My little toe.
A battle took place here.
A skull hit the ground there.
There.
There.
So many skulls.
Wolf.
Wolfie, what happened to you?
Not now. Go, go!
No. Come on.
No, no, no. Come on, you're okay.
You're okay.
Party's over.
Who felled that tree?
I don't know what that means
but 9 times out of 10
the answer is Corey Wolfhart.
Let me guess, he was drinking
this frothy piss water,
just scavenging for blowjobs.
Yeah, that's Corey.
He is king of the public beach.
He doesn't care if there
are families around
or nothing.
What's your deal?
Your clothes say party
but your face says pooper.
You think I want a pooping face?
I thought he was dead
but he went AWOL just to have fun?
Well, it sounds to me like
you're worrying too much
about the fun he's having
and maybe not enough about
the fun you're not having.
Frothy piss water?
I'm close, I'm close!
I'm...
Finally.
And now, your turn.
Are you kidding me?
Everyone thinks I'm just this
old rockhearted taskbot
but I wanna have fun too.
- Yup.
- You know?
I wanna...
I wanna lick some party toads,
go to Paris,
see the Eiffel Hole,
shower...
I love to shower.
Do my dance.
I wanna do my dance.
Heck yeah!
Whoa!
Whoa!
Got it, you got it.
Wow, that's cool.
You are fun.
Yeah, that's...
that's what Wolfie doesn't get.
He doesn't get that I can't cut loose.
I can't cut loose.
Not with a world to save.
I should have put him on one
of those ownership chains.
No, no, no, see, that's
where you're wrong.
I let Zog off this leash,
he ran off, came back
with a doggie agent
and a fourcommercial deal.
You gotta let him lap the park,
blow off some steam
every once in a while.
He will come back
because you have a bond
of trust and respect
and that is more important than any...
ownership chain.
You're right, he will come back to me.
I'm gonna let Wolf lap the park.
Yeah.
Thank you, bench oracle.
Now I gotta go help a little man
in some assless chaps.
Your dog.
He's dead.
You ate him.
Yeah, right.
Leslie, can I ask you a
very serious question?
Were you...
meowing?
I thought that was you meowing!
No!
Must have been my neighbor's cat,
always coming through the window.
I can't blame him, I can't
stay away from you either.
Well, good, I wouldn't want you to.
Ever since the 8th grade,
I knew who I really was.
I was just too afraid to act on it
till I met you.
And you know what?
Holding each other,
that's the best part.
How did Marigold take the news?
Well, um...
You haven't told her?
I'm going to, I'm packed and everything.
This is the hardest part.
I'm thinking of Dear Johning it.
No, no, no, you have to
tell it to her face.
You owe her that much.
- Elias, you home?
- It's Marigold!
Shit!
Hey, honey!
Are you having doubts?
Tell her!
- I just came home early!
- I wanna hear it.
I'll be here for moral support.
I'll hide underneath the bed
or in the closet.
That's ridiculous.
Out the window.
I'll see you at the marina tonight?
Of course.
Why did you come home?
The truth is, Marigold,
I...
decided to give myself a birthday treat
and come home early
so I could curl up with
that mystery I'm reading.
Why are you so sweaty?
That's just my heart racing
trying to determine who done it.
Okay, all right, well, I
have a surprise for you.
But I don't want you ruining it.
So, you are going to get back there,
you are going to run me
the hottest, nicest bath
you can think of, okay?
You're gonna add the bubble
and a little bit of Epsom
salt with that "genete."
'cause my hip hurts but
Mama's feeling fancy.
Okay, baby?
You are here.
I'm freaking out!
My husband came home early.
Marigold's lover.
What?
- I am Glenn Close.
- Is she drunk?
Your husband is attracted to me.
Fatally.
Jesus Christ!
Where did I put that passport?
I'm here to have pleasure
sex with your husband.
I hope so, that's what
I'm paying you for.
Wait here, I'm gonna get Elias.
So you can confront him,
about his betrayal?
No, so you can fuck him
while I go take a bath.
You're not supposed to take a bath.
You're supposed to break down.
Listen, honey,
I know our marriage is in trouble
but I am not about to become
one of those sad divorcées
that the ladies at church gossip about
and those bitches talk.
You love Leslie, you love him,
you're going, find the passport.
I don't wanna have sex with him
and he definitely doesn't
wanna have sex with me.
That is where you,
a birthday prostitute, come in.
Okay, so you're just gonna let Kronish
just lap the park,
blow off some steam.
Just set him free and know
that he'll come back to you
based on your bond of trust and respect.
What are you talking
about, "set him free"?
This is about control.
Who he fucks, when he fucks,
what he fucks, I'm in charge.
You are incredible.
Damn right.
You don't give a drifter freedom.
You'll never see him again.
You remind him that
you're the one in charge,
that he signed up for this mission
and whether he likes it or not,
you're both in this together
till death.
Yes, that is marriage.
You can't give up on it.
- Never surrender.
- Never surrender.
Never surrender.
Thank you, cunning wife oracle.
All right, from this point on,
less talking, more fucking.
Speaking of, he never gets fully hard
so you might have to roll it on up
and cram it in there.
But you look like you
know what you're doing.
Good luck.
Copy that.
Roll and cram.
Tiger.
Tiger!
Tiger!
A Biotic.
- This is a detonator.
- Really?
That's what we're doing?
Don't move.
You take one more step,
I press this button, the
whole house is wired,
it blows up, we all die, and
your mission's a failure.
You wanna test me, you
wanna fucking test me?
I'll die right now, I'm loco!
Okay, you're in charge.
I guess I'm your hostage now.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, you're my hostage.
I suppose you wanna tie
me up or something.
Yeah, that's actually
a really good idea.
Go, go in there to the right, go.
Don't do anything stupid.
Handcuffs are gonna cost ya.
Don't threaten me, okay?
This isn't my first time.
Okay, yeah, I forgot,
you're in complete control.
You getting it all hot
and steamy for me, baby?
Yes.
But we haven't taken a bath together...
No, the bath is for me.
Your surprise is in the living room.
Let's just say I know
what you've been missing
and in order to keep
our marriage working,
I'm willing to make allowances.
Go, thank you.
Tiger!
Tiger, there's a Biotic.
Tiger!
- Tiger, there's a...
- Leslie, is that you?
I told you to go out the window!
Leslie!
Marigold's in the bath.
Come out!
Good Lord.
Happy birthday.
My God.
You're my birthday surprise?
- She knows.
- She knows?
You're a gigolo, aren't you?
- Yes.
- Marigold clearly
doesn't know what kind of
men I find attractive.
But I can't believe she was
willing to hire a prostitute.
The Biotic's a prostitute.
If she's willing to make
this kind of accommodation,
maybe this marriage will work after all.
What? No, no, no, no.
You have to leave her.
I don't remember asking you.
Look, truth is, I've been gigoloing...
gigolo... gigoing...
fucking dudes for money for a while now.
This is not the first time
that a wife has hired me
to try to save her marriage,
and trust me, it never works.
- Never.
- Yeah, well,
maybe that's on you.
You see this?
I'm the fucking best, okay?
Listen to me.
You are in love with someone else.
Someone who you have crazy, passionate,
vibrant sex with for very
long periods of time.
But, most importantly,
you found someone who
you truly love to hold.
Someone who sees you for
who you really are.
This marriage that you're in,
it's nothing more than an anchor
holding you down
when really, you need to set sail.
Metaphorically speaking.
Damn, you're one perceptive hooker.
- The best.
- But you know what?
- You're right.
- I'm right?
- Yes, I should set sail.
- Absolutely!
- I can do this.
- You can!
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
What do I owe you?
- Fifty bucks.
- Take sixty.
Okay.
- You earned it.
- Thank you very much.
- Set sail.
- Set sail.
Hey, Jimmy.
- What's up, Elias?
- Hi.
Hey, I think my cat might have
climbed through your window again.
Mind if I take a quick look?
Well, well, you know,
I don't think now is really a good time.
I'm actually sort of in
the middle of something.
I have gotta get you out of here, okay?
Are you the good guy now?
I'm trying to be.
Look, if the wrong person
sees you right now,
it's gonna undo a whole lot
of progress I just made.
Okay, well, I'm not going anywhere
until I get paid.
Okay, I got 60 bucks.
Sixty bucks?
This isn't a rest stop glory hole.
I'm calling Big Lou.
No, no, no, no, please,
don't call Big Lou.
The last thing we need to do
is add more people to this right now.
All right, I'll get you more money.
Okay, I'll take a TaB too.
What the fuck's a TaB?
- Reverend Leslie?
- Marigold!
I just came to offer
Elias a birthday prayer
which I just did in my head.
- So, I'm gonna see myself out.
- Okay.
Um... Hello, where's my money?
Now if you'll excuse me,
I really have to talk to my wife.
Man, make sure you call me, man.
I will!
You ain't gonna call me.
Come on, you're a good woman.
You gotta get so...
Come on, this profession isn't for you.
Where are you at?
Yeah, you in here, I know you in here.
No, Big Lou!
There's some sensitive things
happening in the house.
We gotta get you out of here.
I'll tell you what's gonna be sensitive
is my asshole after Big
Lou sticks his boot up it
when I don't get him his money.
Bunny, where the hell are you?
No, you don't.
What the hell, man?
- Is Bunny in there?
- Yeah, but you're not getting her back.
- Why not?
- Because she's not yours,
you sick son of a bitch.
She's not mine?
Who do you think got
her out the shelter?
Who do you think paid hundreds
of dollars to get her fixed?
Who do you think cleans up
the box that she shits in?
You monster!
Now we dance.
No, Big Lou, Big Lou, it's
okay, I have your money.
Hey, that's my money.
What the fuck is going on here?
This asshole sucker punched me.
This filthy pimp abuses this woman!
- He's not my pimp.
- I'm a history teacher!
You're a prostitute?
No, no, he's the prostitute.
No, neither one is the prostitute.
Well, I'm a prostitute.
Look, you're so much more than that.
Shut the fuck up, priest.
- You're a priest?
- I'm a reverend.
Yeah, I don't care about
none of you freaks.
I just want Bunny back!
Hold on a second.
You, you thought that
he was the prostitute.
Why would I get you a male prostitute?
Yes, why would she, Elias?
I thought you wanted me
to watch you have sex with him.
I've shared with you my
cuckolding fantasy, haven't I?
No.
I thought you were trying
to tell me you were gay.
Right.
No, just cuckolding.
Just your standard
runofthemill cuck...
Obviously you two have
a lot to talk about.
I gotta go.
My boat still leaves at midnight.
Ooh, what boat, what's he talking about?
I have no idea.
No, no, don't let him leave.
Come on, be true to yourself.
He's in love with someone else.
Seriously, who is this guy?
I haven't the foggiest.
I never met him before in my life.
Don't you act like you don't know
exactly who I am, Elias.
I will not let you treat
me like some slut
you can just bang a couple times
and then throw in the garbage.
I don't know what this
man is talking about.
You thought that you could
just come into my life
and turn everything upside down
and only think about yourself?
You think that we can spend
an entire weekend making love
and then you can just ignore me?
Well, you got another thing coming
because you know what?
I will not be ignored, Elias.
Proof.
Look what he made me do.
Well, what the fuck are
these supposed to prove?
That's it, I'm calling the police.
Give me a 90second head start?
No!
Bunny!
Lord, no!
My Bunny...
my Bunny's dea...
My Bunny's dead!
The cat's name is Bunny?
Ha.
If I'd have known that, I would
have hid it someplace else.
I'm just gonna get my bag and...
Fuck free will, I should
have done the gun thing!
I don't care if we go way back,
I said the tickets are sold out!
Are you Will Call?
I'm supposed to ask you about a ticket.
Name's Corey Wolfhart.
The Corey Wolfhart?
You run with Zog's crew, right?
No.
He runs in mine.
Ran.
Let me get your ticket.
There it is, Corey Wolfhart.
VIP special.
Well, if it isn't the
king of the public beach.
What took you so long?
Your tracking skills are slipping.
I consulted two oracles today.
One said give you your freedom
and you'll come back to me.
He was dumb and ate his own dog.
The other said rein you in
with the illusion of freedom.
She was impressive...
but crazy.
And then I realized,
your freedom, it isn't
mine to give or take.
Neither one of us is gonna be free
until we finish what we started.
You're wrong.
I'm free now.
Because I quit.