Future Man (2017–…): Season 1, Episode 5 - Justice Desserts - full transcript

Previously on Future Man...

I'm gonna run this
through every DNA database

in the world.

Gonna run every name
that dealer gave us.

Professor Karofsky,
I am, uh, Josh Pastman.

There are people who want you dead.

(yells)

That's what's-her-name from Accounting.

- I know these people.
- Biotics can be anybody.

Every Biotic soldier
has a bomb implanted.

It blows their head so
they can't be interrogated.



- We need another time machine.
- Biotics have time machines.

And we already know that
they're in the laboratory

that you clean,
we just have to catch one.

Okay.

Separating Biotics from humans
is not going to be easy.

I could go Call of Zion.

It'd be messy but it could work.

Can you get everyone
you work with in one room

- that we could flood?
- No, I can't.

Hm, can't or won't?

Both.

Guys, the whole point of this
was to get a Biotic alive

and get it to tell us where its TTD is.

Yeah, so we flush them out.



Humans are weaker, so they die first.

Biotics are left standing.

We kill them all, except for one,

deactivate its brain bomb,
then the torture starts.

Isn't there something that we can do

that's a little more
temporary, like, uh...

like a light, non-lethal
dosage of poison or something?

Well, Biotics, they
are immune to poison.

We could gas the vents,
but I don't know,

- it's too risky.
- Ingestibles are safer.

This place is thick
with sewer mushrooms.

Couple seconds after eating those,

you puke, shit yourself,

and pass out with no
memory of what happened.

Learned that the hard way.

- Twice.
- I don't know,

too many variables,
they'd all have to be

in the same room at the same time

eating the same thing.

♪

Kronish Ball.

Guys, the Kronish Ball.

It's... it's our holiday party,

it's coming up this weekend.

Everyone gets dressed up.

There's an open bar,
there's tons of food.

And the best part?

Kronish gives this big speech at the end

and it finishes with everyone eating

one of his Kronish balls.

They're like little
chocolate truffle balls.

That is stupid,

even for the standards of this time.

But the entire company has to be there.

So any Biotics that are
hiding within the lab

have to be there as well.

If I can get the recipe
for the Kronish balls,

do you think that we can
make a poisoned version

and then just swap it in?

- It's doable.
- Wolf, you're the poison guy.

What do you know about cooking?

Remove the hair, eat the meat.

We can work with that.

Tiger, you can go in
undercover as my date.

It's like a companion.

- Mate.
- Fine, yeah,

I'll be your fucking date.

(blows nostril)

We might need some help.

I've got to even it out.

(blows other nostril)

Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com

Yeah, so...

Tiger and Corey are part of
that job-training program

at work where we help the homeless.

They really just want to contribute

to the party and just try to fit in

the best they can.

And both were in Afghanistan?

Yes, the Taliban messed
them up pretty good.

So they say a lot of things
that are pretty crazy,

just try to ignore it.

- He's touching the...
- Yeah, just... you've got to,

- got to ignore it.
- Well, don't worry, sweetie.

Back in the '80s,

when your dad and I spent
that summer in the jungle,

we saw a woman breastfeed a piglet.

- Wow.
- Mm-hm.

If we can handle that,
we can handle these two.

I can't thank you guys enough,

- I really owe you.
- You never owe us anything.

Ever.

Ooh!

(kissing, sighing)

I have that same shirt.

And pants.

♪

(mechanized growl)

♪

(mechanized growl)

♪

(mechanized growl)

♪

(knocking)

- Hey, Dr. Kronish.
- Well, if it isn't my savior.

You know, it turns out
you were quite prophetic

about those animal rights activists.

Your methods were unorthodox but...

appreciated.

Yeah, uh, no problem.

Hey, I just want to tell you,

I'm really excited
for the upcoming party

and I cannot wait
for those Kronish balls.

Well, you'll have to roll
that excitement back.

The balls have been bounced.

- What?
- They're off the menu.

Dr. Camillo scaled the whole party down

after I gave away our research

and cost the company billions.

But the Dr. Kronish that I know

would never let somebody
push them around like this.

I don't know what Dr. Kronish
you're referring to.

I'm just the face and lips
of this organization.

Stu is the business brains.

He's been on me for years
about the party anyway.

He thinks the whole idea of
toasting with chocolate balls

is silly... and it is.

I mean, we're not Blapple,
known for fun and whimsy.

We're curing STDs here.

We should act like it, for God's sake.

Don't forget to bring cash for the bar.

Okay.

♪

Now, this ganache truffle

that you want to make for the party,

that, my friend, is
a bit of a tricky dish,

even for a skilled chef like myself.

So since we don't even
have the recipe yet,

let's walk before we run.

The omelet.

Every chef must master it.

So, get in there and beat those eggs.

(shouting)

Die, egg scum!

Egg smash!

(grunts)

Your shell is weak!

(panting)

I meant, beat the eggs
in a bowl, with this.

Hm.

The antidote for failure is punishment.

Son...

I don't know how things
work out in the street,

but in my kitchen,

the only punishment for failure...

(knife clanks)

...is a hug.

(sighs)

Mm-hm.

Hm.

Hey!

Josh! You're still here.

- Why wouldn't I be?
- I thought you might have quit.

A bunch of people left
and didn't even give notice.

- Carl...
- Carl?

- Wow, Carl's gone?
- Janis.

- Janis?
- From Accounting.

The girl with the pretty smile?

(sharp thud)

Oh yeah, no, I don't
think I ever met her.

You also missed a full day

of Dr. Camillo yelling at Dr. Kronish

in front of everyone.

What were you thinking, Elias?

Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid!

Dr. Kronish does not deserve that.

Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid man!

Hey.

Um, maybe we could try to cheer him up.

Do you think you can give me the recipe

for the Kronish balls?

I'm not sure where
you're going with this.

Well, they just took them
off the menu for the party,

and I don't know,

thought I could just,
like, surprise him,

cheer him up.

Oh, that's really thoughtful for a dude.

You are a real Renaissance janitor.

Feel like you could have said
"man" there, but I'll take it.

I'll see what I can do about the recipe.

Thank you.

I'll email it to you tomorrow, man.

Girl.

Woman.

Woman.

Thanks.

Mm.

Now that the sauce is properly reduced,

correct with salt.

Let's just not waste any more gas here.

Corey, if you add too much
or not enough of something,

you won't get the flavor you want.

So, too much salt?

Cooking is about precision.

A precise quantity cooked
at a precise temperature

for a precise time equals
a chemical reaction.

A whole new profile
of flavors is unleashed!

Temperature creates a chemical reaction.

Yes.

Like making an arctic pulse ray.

It uses supercharged Freon
to freeze your blood,

killing you instantly.

Cooking is... like making one of those.

What did they do to you over there?

♪

Lawsuits... lawsuits pending.

Ah ha!

♪

Bingo.

Okay.

Let's see.

Okay, Janis.

Let's see where the dots connect

so I can smoke out the
rest of your Biotic powers.

Show me all your secrets.

- What are you doing?
- (exclaims)

- Oh, uh...
- Why are you going

through people's files?

Oh, those, yeah... I, uh,

you know, I... I didn't get
a chance to say goodbye

to Carl and Janis before they left,

so I wanted to find their addresses

and send them a little goodbye card.

You didn't even know
Janis's name this morning.

Well, I knew her trash.

To you, she's Janis;

to me, she's yogurt cup,
banana peel, pretty smile girl.

You shouldn't be going
through these people's files.

It's like a serious invasion of privacy.

Oh.

I...

Wow.

Dr. Camillo's emergency
contact number is just 9-1-1.

Oh no.

Nobody loves that guy.

He yelled away everybody in his life

that could ever love him.

"Joshua Sasha Futterman"?

It's my grandmother's name,

it's sentimental, please give me...

Joshua Sasha Futterman,
Joshua Sasha Futterman.

(speaking gibberish)

I know, if we can't
read those kind of...

Hey, back off, buddy,

or else I'm going to rub
some tree nuts on you

so you get "golf ball
size hives and welts."

Okay, you know what, let's see what

you're allergic to.

Uh-oh, do not.

Nope, Miss Geri Elizabeth Lange.

That's not that... that's
not that weird, I guess.

Medical conditions.

None.

Allergies.

♪

- None. Damn it!
- Are you having fun?

All right, how about another sriracheeto

while we're at it?

- No thank you.
- No?

- What do you mean, no?
- I'm good, that is gross.

No, a secret family recipe.

Mm, real good.

I should... I should probably get going.

Mm.

Yeah, me too, I got to

clean these up and everything.

♪ Vultures circle ♪

♪ And you are the friend ♪

- We could do one more.
- One more?

- We're here.
- We could.

We're in it.

Let's do it, We could do one more.

♪

Hey, hey, hey.

I got something for you.

What did you do?

These are noise cancelling
headphones, and look.

I put Stu blockers
on them, so you don't...

The police are here.

What?

They're looking for a Josh "Pastman."

Oh, fuck.

(police radio chatter)

Why would you choose
such a stupid cover name?

Fuck!

You gotta be able to find me
an employee directory.

We don't have any actually.

I think I can find you one, though.

♪

Okay, I have to get the
fuck out of here right now.

Why is a cop looking for you?

It's complicated, okay?

Would you please
tell me what's going on?

- I can't explain it right now.
- Josh, Josh, level with me.

Look, okay, I'm mixed
up in some things that

the cops just can't
understand right now, okay?

But I swear to you, I did nothing wrong.

♪

Can you please help me get out of here?

♪

You better be the fun kind of fugitive.

♪

Hey.

Can I talk to you for a second?

I've got it this, thanks.

♪

How can I help you,
Detective Skaarsgard?

Earlier, you failed to mention

that a Josh Futterman works here.

You asked about a Josh Pastman.

Oh, yeah, now I see it.

Two days ago, there was
a shootout at a meth lab

down on Seventh.

Five wounded, critically.

Whoa.

Hm.

(lid slams)

Man I'm looking for might
have something to do with it.

He, uh, might also have something to do

with a cop killing in 1969.

That cop?

My partner, Jorge Santiago.

He left a widow,
belly swollen with child.

♪

The fuck do you people do here?

Science.

(lid slams)

- Okay.
- Okay.

I'm going to ask you again.

Where is Josh Futterman?

I don't know.

But I can tell you this:

Josh couldn't be involved

'cause he wasn't alive in the '60s.

And he's kind of dopey
and charming, you know, like...

but harmless.

Like, not in an unattractive way.

I used to know a guy a lot like that.

My partner, Jorge Santiago.

♪

Tell your lover boy to give me a call.

- (door slams)
- Oof!

(gasps, spits, coughs)

There was a towel bin?

How is something so stupid so hard?

Weight on your toe, not on your heel.

And whatever you do, don't look down.

I don't know why you
would wear something

if they compromise your ability to move.

Well, they tighten your tushie.

- What?
- Your butt.

Everything you've been
telling me these past two days?

Paint my face, wear colorful garb,

put on those tiny fucking stilts?

You've reduced me to nothing
more than a sewer clown.

But look, Tiger.

When I wear something like this,

I feel beautiful,

and confident and comfortable.

I like the way I look,

and I actually do it for myself.

I mean, you know, sure,
Gabe appreciates it.

He calls it "the sex dress."

Actually, this is the best
way that I have found so far

to get him away from
those whale documentaries.

Why, why is it so distracting?

Well, because he's a man,

and, I mean, you know how men are.

They think with their dicks.

You know? I mean, not... not all men.

But, uh... no, yeah, it is all men.

So this dress can be
used to mind-control men?

Yeah, and some women.

But that's besides the point.

Look, if you don't feel
comfortable in those,

then who cares what anyone thinks?

Why are you being so nice to me?

What is your fucking endgame, Diane?

No, there is no endgame, Tiger.

It's 'cause if someone or something

is important to Joshie,
it's important to me.

He is family.

Yeah, well, I never had a family.

I mean, I had a ward
leader, but he was killed

trying to steal a sugar cube.

I'm so sorry.

It was my sugar cube.

Well, you have got family
all around you here

and I am not going
to let you fail, okay?

I mean, look.

If Joshie can learn to walk in heels,

so can you.

Come on.

Yes!

My God, what have you done?

This is a symphony,
each note is perfect.

What is that, cardamom?

Just a dusting, master.

No, no, no, look at this reflection.

There's the master.

You have speed, skills,
but more than that,

it's like you have something to say.

My mouth is all ears.

I like cooking.

I've never seen someone
come so far so fast.

You were meant for this.

I've always been a soldier.

Life made you a soldier.

You were born to be a chef.

- Maybe in another life.
- No, in this life!

You don't have to go back,
they don't own you.

Do they? I'm not sure how
the Army works these days.

♪

This was a beautiful dream,

but I don't give orders, I take them.

As soon as I have that recipe
and the mission is complete,

it's over.

As long as we're still dreaming,

how would you like
to learn to make a soufflé?

♪

Sweet or savory?

♪

Guys, guys, we're going to be late.

These balls are going to kill.

No, but they are going to
make people shit themselves.

Yeah, with delight!

Okay, okay, great.

Hey, hey, guys, we...
they're loading up the car,

we should probably get going.

Mom, what did you do to your hair?

I just gave it a little Tiger stripe.

Great.

♪

- Whoa.
- Oh, isn't she beautiful?

Yeah, shockingly so.

♪

Remember, anyone who
doesn't puke is a Biotic,

so when the fighting starts,

you're going to need to take cover.

It's hard enough to kill a perf,

- let alone take one alive.
- Okay.

(faint holiday party music)

♪

There's Kronish, so play it cool.

Your mother also trained me
in the art of small talk,

- so I got it.
- Okay.

- Oh, Futterman!
- Dr. Kronish!

- This party's really something.
- It's a fucking joke.

Please, Marigold, not now.

Give me a drink ticket.

You finished your allotment already?

♪

Take mine.

Uh, Dr. Kronish, this is my date.

- Hello.
- Tyra Gerheart.

Wow, what a party.

You look like you've lost
a massive amount of weight.

If that shake were any heartier,

I'd have to call it a maul.

(laughter)

I'll be at the bar.

Well, the wife is displeased

with my gift to the
scientific community.

I'll be paying for
that one for, oh, ever.

Okay, well I do have a little something
to help cheer you up.

It's not a billion dollars,

however, I thought that it wouldn't feel

like the Kronish Ball
without... a Kronish ball!

Futterman!

I'm touched.

- You can't eat that.
- (screams)

- Can't eat that right now.
- Why not?

♪

What the...?

Here... don't!

If you follow me,
I have a surprise for you

and I can explain everything.

Who is this?

Oh, I haven't seen
a confectioner's dusting

like this since my last trip to Belgium!

(laughs)

All right, you got the balls,

what do you say you give the toast?

It's a nice gesture, Futterman.

But Stu's on the warpath.

A toast with these

would be an outright declaration of war.

Oh, what do we have here?

You guys brainstorming new ways

to set piles of money on fire?

Oh, hell no.

You have got a lot of nerve, Elias.

No, no, no, it was me.

It was my idea to bring them.

Even more nerve!

That's for my yacht.

That's for the helicopter
that was going to land

on my yacht!

This is for my seat at SpaceX!

- First wife!
- Okay, okay, okay!

Second wife! Mistress, mistress! Jetpack!

G5, G7!

(shouting, grunting)

Michael Jackson's catalogue!
Bobby's pre-school!

Kids' therapy!

Psycho's routine. Album.

(grunting, panting)

Well, Dr. Camillo.

Fortunately, I have two balls left,

which I intend to use right now.

Last time I checked,

you had 49 percent of the company.

You're fired!

You wouldn't dare!

Now, if you'll excuse me,

- I have a toast to give.
- No you don't!

You need me, Elias!

You are nothing without me!

I can get you more balls, Dr. Kronish!

It's not about the balls, son.

Yes it is, it's all about the balls!

♪

What kind of monster would do this?

Fuck this, back to Plan A,
Operation Gas Chamber.

Oh, no, no, no, no; guys,
the toast is still on.

This plan's going to work, all right?

Wolf, I need you to make
150 more of these balls

right now before Kronish gets up there.

You talking about a Quickfire challenge?

The quickest.

Okay, and Tiger?

- I need you to take someone out.
- Done.

♪

Stop what you're doing!

We're making 150 ganache truffles

in the next 10 minutes.

Those aren't even on the menu, dude.

♪

I know some... no, all of you
don't want to be here tonight.

No shit.

You should.

Cooking is a privilege.

Tonight, I want you to
remember your first chop.

♪

Your first reduction.

Tonight, I want you to be heroes...

nay, gods.

Better than gods, chefs!

So bring me your butter,

bring me your Valrhona chocolate,

and bring me your...

(liquid trickling)

...heavy cream.

Fuck you, Elias, fuck you, Elias.

I'm the king of the microphones!

Okay, so that drunk ass
over there is Stu Camillo.

Can't make a speech
without one of these babies!

I need you to neutralize him.

Copy that.

Commencing Operation Whale Documentary.

- Fuck you!
- What?

(music, party chatter)

Somebody is using this shit
and it's not me.

Hey.

Can I, uh, buy you a drink?

Geri.

Geri.

Geri!

♪

Your girlfriend's

very beautiful.

Girlfriend?

No, no, no, it's nothing like that,

she's not my girlfriend,
okay, she's someone

that I work with, okay?

It's more like a
partnership than anything.

There's nothing romantic at all.

Dude, I just saw you holding her hand.

Yeah, but that's not what it looks like.

Okay, that woman in there?

She's used me.

She's endangered my life
and to be honest,

I don't even think she
likes me as a person.

With any luck, she's
going to be gone soon.

Like, really really far away forever.

Josh, I don't really know you

and you definitely don't know me, so...

just let's not, okay?

(door closes)

♪

Divine.

You know this needs to chill
for five hours, right?

Leave that to me, Damian.

♪

(sparking, crash)

♪

Don't stop stirring!

I want a texture of pure velvet!

♪

Lurking outside of a
bathroom is not a good look.

Wait, I do know you.

Okay, look, I know that you always cut

the plastic soda rings that you have

so that way, the fish don't choke.

Which is so thoughtful.

And I also know that
you're really funny,

because you always make those doodles

of possums probing scientists.

Are you looking through my trash?

Yes.

No.

Sort of.

But I've learned things.

Like, you're really caring.

You know, like, you write
thank-you notes by hand.

No one does that.

And you're super, super creative.

You take the most boring
everyday sandwich wrapper

and you make it into
an origami masterpiece.

I keep all of them.

Like the crane, the dragon boat.

I'm going to go ahead and stop you.

You're walking a razor's edge
between creepy and romantic.

♪

Which... which way am I leaning?

♪

Stop looking through my trash.

- Deal.
- Okay.

Yeah.

♪

- (utensils clinking glasses)
- Can I get everyone's attention please?

Oh my God.

I can't miss that toast.

- I can't miss that toast!
- Let's give it up for Dr. Kronish.

You can't miss the toast?

No, I can't!

Uh, I'm sorry, I have to...

I've got to go.

I'll talk to you later!

Uh, I didn't think I'd be
making this speech tonight.

You shouldn't!

Ladies and gentlemen,
my... my wife, Marigold.

♪

The sun is not setting on Kronish Labs.

Where are the balls?

There's still work to be done.

The people who milked possums yesterday

will be milking possums tomorrow.

You're a hard man
to find, Mr. Futterman.

Or should I call you Mr. Pastman, hm?

♪

If this arctic pulse ray doesn't work,

we're all going to die.

(whooshing roar)

Shut up.

You desire me.

Yeah.

And your desire for me makes you weak.

♪

So weak.

The real value of this company

is not in its stock price

but in its employees.

And I've been inspired
by someone who has courage

and speaks the truth

and is as kind and thoughtful

as anyone that I've ever met.

I didn't shoot any fucking meth dealers!

All right, I'm 23 years old.

How could I have possibly
killed your partner

the night of the moon landing?

I never said "night
of the moon landing."

I want you to lick
every drop of chocolate

off your hands while I watch.

♪

So let us one and all

raise a ball.

Next year, Kronish Labs
will go down in herpstory!

And...

(makes satisfied noises)

Rich and velvety
with light notes of caramel.

Mm, yes, isn't that good?

Delicious! Ugh. You dog on tasty balls!

(Kronish laughs) Merry Christmas to all!

♪

All right.

What do you want me to lick next?

(stomach rumbles)

Uh-oh.

- You're going to need this.
- Hey, my coat!

(retches)

(coughs)

♪

So good.

I earned it.

Mm, damn.

Vengeance isn't the only
thing that tastes sweet.

(stomach rumbles)

(groaning)

Oh, vengeance isn't sitting so well.

(flatulence rippling)

Uh, Detective, I'm really
sorry about all this,

and I'm sorry about your partner

and his pregnant wife!

Belly swollen with child!

(Christmas music, retching)

♪ Come on, it's lovely weather ♪

♪ For a sleigh ride together with you ♪

♪ Outside the snow is falling
and friends are calling ♪

I'm Icarus!

Kenneth, from Payroll!

Jim and Donna, from HR?

♪

Striking cane block!

♪

Crystal amber shield!

♪

Brain freeze!

♪

Clear!

(thudding)

♪

Cunt punt!

♪

Table throw!

♪

You're doing a great job, keep it up!

Fuck you!

♪

Oh, God!

(screams)

Wrist bite!

Paring knife!

Clear. Keep that one alive.

♪

Kronish!

♪

You're coming with us.

Fuck you, resistant scum!

♪

Son of a perf cock!

He landed right on that lower-case T.

We're out of Biotics.

Guys, there's one more down here!

♪

No, please tell me you shat your dress.

♪

No, no, no, no, no!

♪

(scuffling, struggling)

♪

(grunting)

Shit, this is nuts.

♪

Bye-bye, brain bomb.

♪

(screaming)

♪

(clattering)

♪

(timer beeping)

She's going to detonate!

(timer beeping)

♪

(sharp thud)

(exclaims)

Finally found a use for those things.

♪

(monitor beeps)

She's alive, but we got a problem.

- What, is she going to pop?
- Not yet.

Didn't get a clean hit.

Bomb's delayed, not deactivated.

- Cool move, though.
- How long until her head blows?

28 minutes.

♪

I really thought she liked me.

Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com

♪