Futurama (1999–2013): Season 7, Episode 19 - Saturday Morning Fun Pit - full transcript

Mr. President. I
found the TV remote.

Good work, Sergeant. I'm
awarding you the Purple Heart.

But I wasn't injured.

Ow!

Well, enough governing. It's
Saturday morning, damn it.

Let's watch some cartoons.

It's time to fall into

the Futurama and Friends
Saturday Morning Fun Pit!

Here comes Bendee-Boo
and the Mystery Crew!

Bendee-Bendee-Boo,
what's wrong with you?

You're such a lousy mascot



No one understands a single word you
say not even the jerk in the ascot

Rite my ring retal rass!

It sure was nice of your nephew
to invite us to his cloning lab

here in the
Repeating Forest.

Uh-huh. Hey, like,
here's a puzzler.

How old are we on
a scale of 14 to 32?

Did anyone else
hear that weird laugh?

It's spooky. It doesn't seem to
correspond to anything funny happening.

I'll say.

Turn around.
Go away. Do it now.

Rikes!

Splinkies! What was that?

I don't know.
It's a mystery.

Like, I've got a bigger mystery. How
am I going to fill my hungry stomach?



Yeah. Where can we find
food here in the woods?

How about that
kabuki theater?

Like' where there's a kabuki
theater, there's a concession stand.

Say, Fry, why do you
always have the munchies?

And also your eyes are
bloodshot, you're paranoid,

and the van
has a skunky odor.

Search me. No, don't.
I'm carrying.

I do enjoy
a well-buttered floor.

George Takei?
Reorge Rakei?

Sorry to haunt
you so effectively.

I thought you kids were that dragon
ghost that's been spooking the town.

Like, what's the story
with the yakitori?

Help yourselves. But I warn you,
that chicken is over a year old.

Why is the food in your concession
stand so old, Mr. Takei?

You see, Amy, this used to be
the most popular kabuki theater

in the entire
outskirts of town.

But people stopped coming after they
built that darned basketball arena.

Now everybody likes
basketball instead of Kabuki.

It's an insult to
my Japanese heritage.

How so? This is
America, not Japan.

Maybe so.
I'm not sure.

Now, how many tickets would
you like for the show?

Like, none. But thanks
for the yucky-tori.

Another grave
insult to my ancestry.

Nu? Is this the
professor's cloning lab?

Cloning is a sin
against nature!

But yes. Follow me to the
professor's cloning room.

You see, I'm his butler.

Oh! My uncle Fry and his
mystery-solving friends.

Perhaps you can
make sense of the...

What is it that's been
haunting us, Zoidberg?

Ghost.

Now then, let me
show you my lab.

This is my
cloning machine.

This is where I keep
various lengths of wire.

And those are
the Harlem Globetrotters.

The Globetrotters?

What you doin' wearin'
an ascot, brother?

I think it looks nice.

Ah!

What are you Globetrotters
doing here?

We're in town
for the big game.

And we stopped by to help our friend, the
professor, with his cloning machine.

Just call me the clone
prince of basketball.

Like, it's basketball
superstar Larry Bird!

Larry Bird, what
are you doing here?

Hi.
This is Larry Bird calling.

Listen, my agent sent me
that cartoon script,

and I've decided I don't want
to be involved in any way.

Nice to meet you,
Larry Bird.

Okay, let's clone us
a whole team of Larry Birds.

Now we can practice
for the big game.

We figure, if we can beat five
Larry Birds, we can beat anybody.

Cloning is wrong.
It's wrong, I say!

Oh, I just hope that
mysterious dragon ghost

doesn't show up
at the lab again.

But why would a ghost want to stop
the Globetrotters from practicing?

And against a team
of clones, no less.

Well, gang, it looks like we've got
more of the same mystery on our hands.

Like, the real mystery is how I'm gonna
get any sleep with all this noise.

I need some air.

It's me, the dragon ghost.
We met before.

Like, yikes!

ifs time to spring
into action, gang.

Okay.

Rabbit goes around
the tree. There.

All right, it's time to get to the
bottom of what, at this point,

can only be called
a mystery.

Let's split up.

Eight of us will stay here with this
dragon-trap the professor built.

Meanwhile, Fry, Bendee,
you go look for the dragon.

Like, you guys are terrible friends
for always sending us to our deaths.

I'm not going.
Re reither!

Would you do it
for a Bendee Brew?

Rokay. Ri'm a ralcoholic.

Yummy, yummy, yummy

I've got love in my tummy

And I feel like a-lovin' you

Love, you're such a sweet thing
Good enough to eat thing

And that's just
a-what I'm gonna do

Ooh, love to hold you
Ooh, love to kiss you

Ooh, love, I love it so

Ooh, love, you're sweeter
Sweeter than sugar

Ooh, love,
I won't let you go

All right, gang. I think we
have all the clues we need

to solve the mystery of
the haunted cloning machine.

Only one person took issue with the
ethical ramifications of cloning

and also had access
to this castle.

The butler, Dr. Zoidberg!

Let's see who this
so-called butler really is.

Oops.

Never mind.
Here, take this.

Ah!

May he rest in peace.

Hey, there's
a dragon in this trap!

Help. Help.

Let's see who this
dragon ghost really is.

George Takei?

That's right.

And I would never have gotten away with
it, regardless of you meddling kids.

But, like, that dragon ghost
was hovering and translucent.

Yes. You see, I used the projector
from my Kabuki theater.

But Kabuki theaters
don't have a projector.

Some do.

It all makes sense.

He knew that if he scared the Globetrotters
away from the big basketball game,

disappointed fans would
flock to his kabuki theater.

Of course!

No, that's not why I did it.

Then, like, why
did you do it?

I'm mentally ill.

Thanks for helping
solve the mystery.

After practicing against five Larry
Birds, we're ready for anything.

And now, introducing
the opponents, six Larry Birds!

Bendee-Bendee-Boo!

What's all this ruckus'?
People live here, you know.

Mr. President, our children are fat
and dumb, and we blame cartoons.

It's time to get
government onto our backs.

We demand you regulate
children's programming

and force the writers to
shoehorn in helpful lessons.

Fine, fine. Get off my lawn.

I'll have Agnew put
in a call to Hollywood.

All right,
let's laugh and learn.

And now,
the show that teaches kids

to eat right and
have a good time,

all while tolerating others.

This will shut up
those whining hippies.

Stay tuned
for Purpleberry Pond.

Purpleberry Pond is
fun for young and old

When healthy juicy
purpleberries fill your bowl

We all get along
and we're happy and merry

I must get my hands on those
healthy purpleberries.

Bort.

Of eating right
we are very fond

When we eat together
on Purpleberry Pond

Good morning, Princess Purpleberry.
Isn't it a lovely morning?

It's particularly
purp-tacular.

It's pur-practically
pur-perfect.

It's funny how we never get tired
of the word "purple." Never.

And it's all thanks to a balanced diet,
composed of nothing but purpleberries.

I must get my hands on those
healthy purpleberries.

Bort.

Purpleberry Pond will
return after these messages.

Hey, Mickey, you
seem kind of down.

You should try some sugar-blasted
Purpleberry Puffs.

My sugar-blasted purpleberries are
triple-soaked in maple-flavored syrup

to start your day
with purple power.

And the leftover milk
looks like Purpleberry Pond.

Ah!

Purpfeberry Puffs are the
sweetest part of your complete breakfast.

Along with juice, toast, ham, eggs,
bacon, milk, cheese, liver, waffles

and a big horse vitamin.

And now, back to our show.

Healthy, healthy,
healthy Healthy purpleberries are

Eat purpleberries
and you'll be a star

Look, a new purp-son
is coming to Purpleberry Pond.

Announcing Lord Loquai.

I wonder what shade
of purple he'll be.

Greetings,
Princess Purpleberry.

I am Lord Loquat,
your new neighbor.

You're coming
to live here?

There goes
the purple-hood.

You're different,
and I don't like you.

Wait, it doesn't matter
the color of your berries.

After all, it takes two
colors to make a rainbow.

Shucks, I never thought of it that way.
Sorry, cheddar-head.

Look up high
where the rainbow bends

Orange and purple
are the best of friends

I must get my hands on those
healthy purpleberries.

Bort.

And orangeberries.

We'll be back
after these messages.

Mom, why is there orange
in my Purpleberry Puffs?

As an active morn,
I care about these things.

I'll check the box
while you start eating.

Now my sugar-blasted Purpleberry Puffs
have loquat-flavored orangeberries.

Two colors? Wow.

Bort.

It's a small part of
this girl's breakfast.

Whoa, whoa!

Bort?

I have a plan to get my hands
on those purpleberries

with new loquat-flavored
orangeberries.

Soon I will have an important
part of a complete breakfast.

Oh, no. The Berry Burglar
fired his snowball bomb.

The snow will destroy
the purpleberry crop.

Wait, it's not snow.
It's sugar.

Yay!

New sugar-frosted, sugar-blasted
Purpleberry Puffs.

You can really
see the sugar.

I don't know which I like
more, original or type two.

And now, back to our show.

Curses, I didn't get my hands
on those healthy purpleberries.

But next time, by gosh, I'll get my
hands on those healthy purpleberries.

Bort.

Will the Berry
Burglar never learn?

Probably not, but we did.

We learned that no matter whether
we're purple or orange...

Or new polkaberry.

Good nutrition is
just a bowl away.

You know you want to
try it So tell your mom to buy it

Buy Purpleberry
Puffs cereal.

Buy! Buy! Buy!

Bye-bye.

We'll be back with more commercials

after these
important messages.

Go, me!

They fight for the heck of it
because they like to, here comes G.I. Zapp

G.I. Zapp, G.I. Zapp!

G.I. Zapp
is the code name

for an elite group of
heavily armed mercenaries,

eager to murder the enemy, regardless
of the cost in innocent lives.

Ah! Here we go. No one can complain
about this patriotic dreck.

What's that?
A rock? I hate rocks.

What do you stupid
voters want now?

What possible objection could you
have to the G.I. Zapp cartoon?

It's too violent.

Oh! Very well. As leader
of the free world,

it is my solemn duty to put
an end to cartoon violence.

I'll have to
re-edit the program.

Rose Mary, have we got any type
of machinery to edit tape?

Oh, you know we do.

Time for Dickie to get tricky.

G.I. Zapp!
G.I. Zapp! G.I, Zapp!

G.I. Zapp is the code
name for an elite group of...

Patriotic peacekeepers
who rebuild schools

with their bullet-sucking
vacuum tanks.

That's what they are.

Today's episode,
"Operation throat... "

"Banana Split."

What the hell kind
of plane is that?

Okay, G.I. Zapps.

Today's mission is to parachute
into Fort Weaponsworth

and take back our shrapnel laser,
which was stolen by our sworn enemy.

The terrorist group
known as A.C.R.O.N.Y.M.

"A.C.R.O.N.Y.M. A Criminal
Regiment Of Nasty Young Men."

That's clever. I'll
leave that the way it is.

I'll show those G.I. Zapps once and for
all when I fire this surface-lo-air m...

Warning shot.

Excellent plan, Profestro. That'll
blow them straight to he...

Church.

Sound off as you jump.

Freezer Burn!

Nutcracker!

That's no name for a woman.
Let's just call her Pat.

- Waterboard!
- Helpful Johnny.

- Boxcutter!
- Powder Puff.

- Orphan Crippler!
- Nah. Pass.

Incoming surface-to-air...

Telegram!

Pilot, is your parachute
packed and ready?

Yes, sir.

Good, because
I forgot mine.

Mayday! Mayday!

I'll be home for dinner.

I... landed the plane safely next to
this naturally occurring fireball.

At Disneyland.
Hi, Tinker Bell.

Ready. Aim...

Negotiate.

Ugh!
Here comes a water balloon.

That's quite a splash.

Uh, beam me up, Scotty.

Yay! I caught it.

Ah!

- I'm hit. Oh, God, it...
- Tickles.

- Oh, no. Freezer Burn is...
- Sleeping.

- I will avenge him, you heartless...
- Bastards!

It's okay if I say it.

Just measuring
you for a new hat.

Three, four, cha-cha-cha.

Find that apple.
It's down there somewhere.

That's it,
I'm pulling the plug.

Agnew, cut to the PSA.

Give me the ball!
No, give me the ball.

I know, let's fight for it.

Now, hold on there, boys.
Violence never solved anything.

Then how do we decide
who gets the ball?

Agnew, show them.

There. How do you like
your stupid ball now?

That concludes the Futurama
and Friends Saturday Morning Fun Pit!

Now stay tuned for
six hours of golf.