Futurama (1999–2013): Season 4, Episode 11 - 30% Iron Chef - full transcript
Bender goes on a quest to learn the secret of Ultimate Flavor so he can humiliate his former idol on television.
[ Man ]
ONE, TWO! ONE, TWO, THREE!
[ Man ]
SHATNER'S LOG:
AIR DATE, UNKNOWN.
THE IMPOSSIBLE HAS HAPPENED.
IT WOULD TAKE DAYS
TO RECOUNT THE EVENTS
I'VE WITNESSED.
SO, SETTLE IN.
IT ALL BEGAN--
QUIET, YOU! THIS COURT-MARTIAL
IS NOW IN SESSION.
THE HONORABLY SEXY
ZAPP BRANIGAN RESIDING.
BRING IN THE ACCUSED.
- [ All Gasping ]
- OH, MY.
PHILIP J. FRY,
YOU STAND ACCUSED...
OF TRAVELING TO THE FORBIDDEN
PLANET OMEGA 3,
A CRIME PUNISHABLE BY 12
CONCURRENT DEATH SENTENCES.
- DO YOU UNDERSTAND THE CHARGES?
- ONE BEEP FOR "YES,"
TWO BEEPS FOR "NO."
- [ Beeps Once ]
- YES. SO NOTED.
DO YOU PLEAD GUILTY?
- [ Beeps Twice ]
- DOUBLE YES. GUILTY!
I WILL NOW
CARRY OUT THE SENTENCE.
KIF, MY GUN.
WAIT!
HE PLED "NOT GUILTY."
ORDER!
ORDER IN THE COURT!
VERY WELL THEN, MR. FRY.
PLEASE RECOUNT THE EVENTS
THAT LED YOU TO BE GUILTY.
[ Rapid Beeping ]
[ Leela ] THE PROFESSOR SAID HE
HE WAS TAKING A BRIEF NAP, SO WE
ONLY HAVE TIME FOR SIX MOVIES.
LET'S TAKE THESE
SIX JIM CARREY MOVIES
AND RECORD OVER THEM!
YOU KNOW WHAT SIX MOVIES
AVERAGE OUT TO BE REALLY GOOD?
THE FIRST SIX STAR TREK MOVIES!
- [ All Gasping ]
- EVERYBODY HIT THE DECK!
SHH!
THOSE WORDS ARE FORBIDDEN.
- WHAT WORDS? STAR TREK?
- [ Alarm Sounding ]
SHH!
SHUT YOUR GILLS!
[ Siren Wailing ]
THAT SOUND. IT'S
PATROL CAR 718! HIDE HIM!
♪♪ [ Scatting ]
[ Rapid Beeping ]
THE COURT IS INTRIGUED.
PERHAPS WE COULD HEAR MORE
ABOUT THESE FORBIDDEN WORDS...
FROM SOMEONE WITH
A SEXILY SEDUCTIVE VOICE.
WITH PLEASURE. YOU SEE,
THE SHOW WAS BANNED
AFTER THE STAR TREK WARS.
YOU MEAN THE VAST MIGRATION
OF STAR WARS FANS?
UH, NO. THAT WAS
THE STAR WARS TREK.
BY THE 23rd CENTURY,
STAR TREK FANDOM...
HAD EVOLVED FROM A LOOSE
ASSOCIATION OF NERDS
WITH SKIN PROBLEMS...
INTO A FULL-BLOWN RELIGION.
AND SCOTTY BEAMED THEM
TO THE KLINGON SHIP...
WHERE THEY WOULD
BE NO TRIBBLE AT ALL.
ALL POWER
TO THE ENGINES.
[ Nichelle Nichols ]
AS COUNTRY AFTER COUNTRY FELL
UNDER ITS INFLUENCE,
WORLD LEADERS BECAME THREATENED
BY THE MOVEMENT'S POWER.
AND SO THE TREKKIES
WERE EXECUTED...
IN THE MANNER
MOST BEFITTING VIRGINS.
WHOA!
HE'S DEAD, JIM.
HE'S DEAD, JIM.
HE'S DEAD, JIM.
FINALLY, THE SACRED TEXTS
WERE BANNED.
[ George Takei ]
THE LAST COPIES OF THE 79
EPISODES AND SIX MOVIES...
WERE DUMPED ON THE
FORBIDDEN WORLD OMEGA 3,
ALONG WITH THAT BLOOPER REEL
WHERE THE DOOR DOESN'T
CLOSE ALL THE WAY.
THUS, STAR TREK WAS FOREVER
SCOURED FROM HUMAN MEMORY.
ANOTHER CLASSIC
SCIENCE-FICTION SHOW
CANCELED BEFORE ITS TIME.
TSK, TSK, TSK.
I'VE NEVER HEARD
OF SUCH A BRUTAL...
AND SHOCKING INJUSTICE
THAT I CARED SO LITTLE ABOUT.
NEXT WITNESS!
BENDER THE ROBOT,
PLEASE TAKE THE STAND.
SHE'S ALL YOURS, BUDDY.
I'D ONLY MET
THE DEFENDANT, FRY, ONCE,
BUT I KNEW
HE WAS UP TO NO GOOD.
- PLEASE USE THE BEEPS.
- OH!
[ Rapid Beeping ]
MR. NIMOY! I CAME AS SOON
AS I HEARD WHAT HAPPENED
CENTURIES AGO.
I CAN'T BELIEVE
YOUR SHOW WAS BANNED.
I HAVE ABSOLUTELY
NO IDEA WHAT
YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.
[ Clicking, Whirring ]
YOU KNOW-- 1966?
SEVENTY-NINE EPISODES?
ABOUT 30 GOOD ONES?
OH, REALLY. I'VE DONE
TOO MANY THINGS TO REMEMBER
ONE PARTICULAR TV SERIES.
BUT IF-IF YOU WANT TO
DISCUSS MY BOOKS OF POETRY--
COME ON! REMEMBER THAT EPISODE
WHERE YOU GOT HIGH ON SPORES
AND SMACKED KIRK AROUND?
NO. PERHAPS YOU'RE THINKING
OF MY ONE-MAN SHOW
ABOUT VINCENT VAN SPOCK.
I-I-I MEAN VAN GOGH.
DAMN!
AHA!
YOU CAN'T ESCAPE IT.
[ Sobbing ]
OH, YOU'RE RIGHT.
I CAN'T.
UH--
GEEZ, DON'T GET UPSET.
I MEAN, OKAY,
I OUTWITTED YOU, BUT--
NO. IT'S MY
FELLOW CAST MEMBERS.
THREE HUNDRED YEARS AGO,
THEY LEFT EARTH BEHIND.
THIS PLANET DOESN'T
APPRECIATE US ANYMORE, LEONARD.
BILL, YOU ARE,
AND ALWAYS SHALL BE,
MY FRIEND.
BUT I JUST SIGNED
A SIX-MONTH LEASE
ON MY APARTMENT.
I CAN'T WALK AWAY FROM
A COMMITMENT LIKE THAT.
FAREWELL, MY FRIEND.
OH!
[ Sobbing ]
WHY DID THE WORLD TURN ITS BACK
ON OUR OBVIOUS GREATNESS?
I'M LITERALLY
ANGRY WITH RAGE!
YOUR COSTARS MAY BE GONE,
BUT WE CAN STILL GET
THOSE EPISODE TAPES BACK
FOR THE WHOLE WORLD TO SEE!
COME ON!
[ Groans ]
YES! FRONT ROW!
YOU CAN'T GO TO OMEGA 3!
IT'S FORBIDDEN!
I FORBID YOU!
BUT WE HAVE TO! THE WORLD
NEEDS STAR TREK TO GIVE
PEOPLE HOPE FOR THE FUTURE!
BUT IT'S SET 800 YEARS
IN THE PAST.
YEAH! WHY IS THIS
SO IMPORTANT TO YOU?
'CAUSE IT--
IT TAUGHT ME SO MUCH.
LIKE HOW YOU SHOULD
ACCEPT PEOPLE,
WHETHER THEY BE BLACK,
WHITE, KLINGON,
OR EVEN FEMALE.
BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY,
WHEN I DIDN'T HAVE
ANY FRIENDS,
IT-IT MADE ME FEEL
LIKE MAYBE I DID.
WELL, THAT IS
TOUCHINGLY PATHETIC.
I GUESS I CAN'T
LET YOU GO ALONE.
I'LL GO TOO--
WITH LEONARD'S PERMISSION,
OF COURSE.
WE'RE ENTERING
THE OMEGA SYSTEM.
[ Alarm Sounds ]
[ Female Voice ]
WARNING. YOU ARE NOW
IN FORBIDDEN SPACE.
FORBIDDEN, SCHUR-SCHMIDDEN.
WHAT ARE THEY GONNA DO,
WRITE A LETTER?
OOH, I'M SO SCARED.
[ Alarm Sounding ]
I'VE LOST CONTROL OF THE SHIP!
[ Babbling ]
LOST CONTROL OF THE SHIP!
[ Gasps ]
OH, DIP!
DIP, INDEED.
[ Fry ]
IT'S ALL STUFF
FROM THAT FORBIDDEN SHOW.
SO MANY CARDBOARD SETS.
SO MANY MEMORIES.
IF ONLY THE OTHERS--
[ William Shatner ]
I GUESS THAT'S MY CUE.
- BILL!
- L-DOG!
HEY!
THIS IS WONDERFUL!
OH, MAN.
I FEEL LIKE HUGGING YOU.
WELL, I WOULD,
EXCEPT YOU HAVE NO BODY.
AND WE'RE BOTH MEN.
[ Nimoy ]
NICHELLE! GEORGE!
WALTER!
DeFORREST!
WELSHIE!
- WELSHIE?
- WE DID SOME MUSICAL REUNION
SPECIALS IN THE 2200s.
BUT THE GUY WHO PLAYED SCOTTY
HAD TROUBLE YODELING.
EVER SINCE THEN,
WELSHIE HAS BEEN
A WELCOME PARTICIPANT...
IN OUR ESCAPADES.
AYE!
[ Speaking Gibberish ]
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!
HOW'D YOU ALL END UP HERE?
WE WERE ON OUR WAY
TO WELSHIE'S COUSIN'S HOUSE
TO STAY IN THE GUEST ROOM...
WHEN OUR SHIP WAS PULLED DOWN
TO THIS PLANET AND CRASHED,
JUST LIKE YOURS.
WHEN WE WOKE UP,
WE HAD THESE BODIES.
- SAY IT IN RUSSIAN.
- [ Groans ]
VEN VEE VOKE UP,
VEE HAD THESE WAH-DIES.
EEE!
NOW SAY NUCLEAR "WESSELS"!
- NO!
- WE LOVE IT HERE.
EVERYTHING IS PROVIDED FOR US,
AND WE NEVER AGE.
CHECK OUT THESE ABS.
YOWZA!
BUT WHO'S DOING
ALL THIS FOR YOU?
YOU KNOW,
WE NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT IT.
WE'RE FAMOUS CELEBRITIES.
WE'RE USED TO
THIS SORT OF TREATMENT.
[ Male Voice ] IT IS I!
- [ All Gasping ]
- WHOA!
WHAT A CHEESY EFFECT!
I'M NOT AN EFFECT!
YOU DOUBT MY POWER?
I DO!
AYE!
[ All Gasping ]
[ Maniacal Laughing ]
WELSHIE!
THIS COURT WILL NOW HEAR SOME
VERY SENSUAL TESTIMONY...
FROM THIS COURT'S EX-LOVER,
TURANGA LEELA.
GO [ Beep ] YOURSELF.
[ Rapid Beeping ]
BEHOLD ANOTHER POWER,
DIFFERENT FROM
THE ONE YOU SAW EARLIER!
HEY! A BODY!
BUFF, TAN--
YEAH.
THIS IS MINE, ALL RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT, YOU GAS.
WHAT'S THE DEAL?
CENTURIES AGO,
THE VIDEOTAPED ADVENTURES
OF THE ENTERPRISE CREW...
RAINED DOWN UPON MY PLANET.
OVER AND OVER
I WATCHED THEM,
ESPECIALLY THE FIVE
WITH THE ENERGY BEINGS.
I AM MELLLVAR!
SEER OF THE TAPES!
KNOWER OF THE EPISODES!
TREMBLE BEFORE MY ENCYCLOPEDIC
KNOWLEDGE OF STAR TREK!
TREMBLE? I LAUGH.
- NOBODY KNOWS MORE
ABOUT STAR TREK THAN ME!
- I BEG TO DIFFER!
LONG HAVE I WAITED
FOR THE ONE WHO PLAYED SPOCK.
AT LAST WE CAN BEGIN.
COOL!
A STAR TREK CONVENTION!
UH-- UH, MELLLVAR?
CAN YOU GIVE US SOME IDEA...
HOW LONG
THIS IS GOING TO LAST?
- UNTIL TIME STOPS.
- WHAT?
- YOU CAN'T DO THIS!
NOW, WE HAVE
A FULL SCHEDULE OF EVENTS.
UH, CAN PEOPLE WHO HATE
STAR TREK LEAVE?
GOOD QUESTION.
- NO. YOU HAVE TO STAY
EVEN LONGER!
- [ Both Grumbling ]
[ Snoring ]
UM-- UH--
SIGN IT TO MELLLVAR.
MELLLVAR HAS THREE "L's".
I THINK I'VE DONE
ENOUGH CONVENTIONS TO
KNOW HOW TO SPELL MELLLVAR.
- SAY "NERD"!
- NERD!
I'M SLIM SHADY.
YES.
I'M THE REAL SHADY.
ALL YOU OTHER SLIM SHADYS
ARE JUST IMITATING.
SO, WON'T THE REAL SLIM SHADY
PLEASE STAND UP?
PLEASE STAND UP.
PLEASE STAND UP.
HOW CAN YOU DO
A SPOKEN-WORD VERSION
OF A RAP SONG?
HE FOUND A WAY.
FOR 100 QUATLOOS,
WHO DID THE CAPTAIN MAROON
ON CETI ALPHA FIVE?
KHAN!
[ Bell Dings ]
UH, KHAN?
- CORRECT!
- MY BUTTON HAS BROKEN!
THE TRIVIA CONTEST
IS ENDED. I NOW
HAVE A SURPRISE.
YOU WILL PERFORM
A FAN SCRIPT...
WRITTEN BY
THE ULTIMATE TREK FAN!
YOU HAVE MY FAN SCRIPT?
I MEANT ME! MELLLVAR'S
THE ULTIMATE FAN!
OH. I WAS CONFUSED
BECAUSE THE SCOREBOARD
SAYS SOMETHING DIFFERENT.
[ Grumbling ]
TRIVIA CONTEST OVER!
TAKE YOUR SCRIPTS!
WE HAVE LIMITED
REHEARSAL TIME.
NOW, I DIDN'T MAKE ENOUGH
COPIES OF THE SCRIPT,
SO GEORGE AND WALTER
WILL HAVE TO SHARE.
UH-- YOU PROBABLY DON'T
WANT US TO SEE YOU REHEARSING,
OR IT'LL GIVE AWAY THE ENDING.
THAT'S RIGHT!
THE ENDING MUST NOT
BE RUINED!
- WE'LL GO WAIT IN THE SHIP.
- OKAY.
NOT TILL I GET
MY 600 QUATLOOS!
THIS IS WRONG.
WE SHOULDN'T HAVE
ABANDONED THEM THERE.
I DON'T KNOW.
I'M FEELIN' PRETTY GOOD
ABOUT IT.
I DIDN'T WANT TO LEAVE THEM
EITHER, FRY. BUT WHAT
WERE WE SUPPOSED TO DO?
WELL, USUALLY ON THE SHOW,
SOMEONE WOULD COME UP
WITH A COMPLICATED PLAN,
THEN EXPLAIN IT
WITH A SIMPLE ANALOGY.
HMM. IF WE CAN REROUTE
ENGINE POWER THROUGH
THE PRIMARY WEAPONS...
AND RECONFIGURE THEM
TO MELLLVAR'S FREQUENCY,
THAT SHOULD OVERLOAD
HIS ELECTRO-QUANTUM STRUCTURE.
LIKE PUTTING TOO MUCH AIR
IN A BALLOON!
OF COURSE!
IT'S SO SIMPLE!
"ALAS, MY SHIP,
WHOM I LOVE
LIKE A WOMAN,
IS... DISABLED."
- OH, LORD.
- "FASCINATING, CAPTAIN.
AND LOGICAL TOO.
YET WE NEED SOME HELP."
"LOOK, CAPTAIN.
MELLLVAR WILL HELP US."
"CAPTAIN, I WOPE HE WILL
WELP OUR VESSEL."
- WESSEL!
- [ Shuddering ]
- YOU'RE NOT ACTING HARD ENOUGH!
- MELLLVAR, YOU HAVE TO
RESPECT YOUR ACTORS.
WHEN I DIRECTED STAR TREK IV,
I GOT A MAGNIFICENT PERFORMANCE
OUT OF BILL...
BECAUSE I RESPECTED HIM
SO MUCH.
AND WHEN I DIRECTED
STAR TREK V,
I GOT A MAGNIFICENT PERFORMANCE
OUT OF ME BECAUSE
I RESPECTED ME SO MUCH.
OKAY! I'M DONE "RECAFOOBELLING"
THE ENERGY-MOTRON!
OR WHATEVER!
FIRE!
"MY, WHAT A HANDSOME
ENERGY CREATURE YOU ARE.
I LOVE YOU."
[ Screaming ]
HEY, YOU WROTE IT!
[ Groans ]
IT'S NOT WORKING!
HE'S DRAWING STRENGTH
FROM OUR WEAPONS!
LIKE A BALLOON, AND...
SOMETHING BAD HAPPENS!
[ Shouting ]
[ Both Screaming ]
[ Bender ]
YEP.
SO, UH,
HOW'S REHEARSAL GOING?
LOUSY. HERE I'VE BEEN
ADMIRING A BUNCH OF ACTORS,
WHILE YOU,
A CREW OF GENUINE
SPACE HEROES, RISKED
YOUR LIVES TO SAVE THEM.
HEY, WE'VE DONE
HEROIC THINGS TOO.
YEAH.
IN THE THIRD SEASON,
I KISSED SHATNER.
SILENCE! MY WHOLE WORLD
HAS TURNED UPSIDE DOWN.
I HAVE BUT ONE OPTION.
- KEEP THEM AND LET US GO?
- NO!
TO DETERMINE WHO IS MORE WORTHY
OF MY FANATICAL DEVOTION,
I SHALL PIT YOU AGAINST
EACH OTHER IN ARMED COMBAT...
TO THE DEATH!
WHERE'D YOU GET
AN IDIOTIC IDEA LIKE THAT?
EPISODES 19, 46,
56 AND 77!
GREAT LIST.
EXCEPT YOU FORGOT EPISODE 66.
[ Chuckling ]
[ Stammering ]
I WAS GETTING TO THAT ONE!
[ Shouting ]
SO MELLLVAR ORDERED
A BATTLE TO THE DEATH.
- I ASSUME NO ONE SURVIVED?
- [ Sighs ]
CAN WE GET ON WITH THIS?
MY FOOT'S GETTING TIRED.
[ Beeping ]
THIS WILL BE YOUR STANDARD
BATTLE TO THE DEATH.
THE ONLY WEAPONS--
WHATEVER YOU CAN FIND.
BUT I WARN YOU.
DO NOTHING...
UNTIL I HAVE SIGNALED
THE START OF COMBAT.
OKAY, START.
[ All Gasping, Shouting ]
[ Wind Howling ]
I DON'T HAVE MUCH
EXPERIENCE AT FIGHTING,
EXCEPT WITH YOU GUYS.
I HAVE AN IDEA.
WASN'T THERE AN EPISODE WHERE
I THREW MY SHOE AT THE ENEMY?
- YOU MEAN DOOHAN?
- [ Both Chuckling ]
WHOEVER IT WAS,
I DID IT LIKE THIS.
YAAH!
- OW!
- MY FOOT'S COLD.
THERE. WE CAN
MAKE THESE INTO SPEARS.
AND WE CAN TIE THESE
CATERPILLARS TOGETHER TO MAKE
BOW STRINGS FOR BOWS AND ARROWS.
AND WE CAN USE THIS MACHINE GUN
TO SHOOT THEM!
YEE-HAW!
[ Clicking ]
[ Laughing ]
THAT WAS FUN.
WHAT IF I DISTRACT THEM
WITH MY FAMOUS FAN DANCE?
OH, THAT'S GOOD,
GOOD, GOOD, GOOD.
AND THEN, GEORGE,
YOU GIVE THEM
A KARATE CHOP.
I FIND THAT OFFENSIVE.
JUST BECAUSE
I'M OF JAPANESE ANCESTRY,
YOU ASSUME I KNOW KARATE.
HAVE I EVER
LED YOU TO BELIEVE
I HAVE STUDIED KARATE?
WELL, NO.
BUT YOU NEVER TALK
ABOUT YOURSELF.
MAYBE IF YOU SHOWED
A LITTLE INTEREST.
WELL, HERE GOES NOTHING.
[ Screaming ]
HELLO, BOYS.
WHOA!
HYAH!
[ Shouting ]
AAH!
[ Gasps ]
- THERE'S NO RIGHT WAY
TO HIT A WOMAN.
- THEN DO IT THE WRONG WAY.
FINE.
YEEE-OH-HO!
- IS THAT ALL YOU GOT? HYAH!
- [ Groaning ]
COME ON, WALTER!
TAKE THAT!
[ Whooping ]
[ Groaning ]
IT HURTS.
LET'S SEE IF THIS
ACTUALLY WORKS.
[ Grunts ]
OW! OW! OW!
AAH! MY FACE!
[ Groans ]
MY FACE TOO!
MAY I?
- HYAH!
- [ Groans ]
EXCELLENT.
EXCELLENT.
LEELA, PLEASE.
THIS IS EXACTLY
WHAT MELLLVAR WANTS.
WE'RE JUST PAWNS IN HIS
DIABOLICAL GAME OF CHECKERS.
CAN'T WE RESOLVE
OUR DIFFERENCES
SOME OTHER WAY?
MELLLVAR!
DINNERTIME!
AW, BUT, MOM!
I'M PLAYIN' WITH
MY COLLECTIBLES!
NOW!
[ Groans ]
ALL THIS TIME,
WE THOUGHT HE WAS
A POWERFUL SUPER-BEING.
- YET HE WAS JUST A CHILD.
- HE'S NOT A CHILD! HE'S 34!
ALL RIGHT, KOENIG!
I'VE WANTED TO DO THIS
FOR YEARS!
BENDER, WAIT!
THIS IS OUR CHANCE TO ESCAPE
BEFORE MELLLVAR COMES BACK!
BUT WE ALL NEED
TO WORK TOGETHER.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.
[ Nimoy Clears Throat ]
HELLO.
WE'VE DECIDED
TO WORK TOGETHER.
YEAH, SO DID THEY.
NOW, HOW DO WE ESCAPE?
WE CAN'T USE OUR SHIP.
WE HAVE LIFE SUPPORT,
BUT THE ENGINES ARE WRECKED.
IRONIC, BECAUSE
OUR ENGINES WORK, BUT OUR
LIFE SUPPORT SYSTEMS DON'T.
HEY. IF YOUR ENGINES WORK--
AND YOUR
LIFE SUPPORT SYSTEMS WORK--
STOP! YOU'RE JUST
GOIN' AROUND IN CIRCLES!
THINK, FRY. THINK.
EVERYONE'S DEPENDING ON YOU.
WE'RE TOO HEAVY!
YOU GUYS NEED TO
LOSE SOME WEIGHT. FAST!
FISH.
LOOK! LEONARD!
WE'RE LIGHT ENOUGH
TO KEEP THE TAPES!
ISN'T THAT GREAT?
I'M LIVING IN
A GEFILTE FISH JAR.
WE DID IT!
[ All Cheering ]
[ Melllvar Chuckling Evilly ]
- [ All Shouting ]
- MELLLVAR'S GOT A SPACESHIP!
YES!
IN MINT CONDITION!
AND YOU MADE ME TAKE IT
OUT OF THE PACKAGE!
THE NIMBUS!
WE'RE SAVED!
YOU'RE UNDER ARREST.
PREPARE TO BE BOARDED.
SO I BOARDED YOU, HUH?
UH, WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
YOU STARTED THIS STUPID
COURT-MARTIAL!
NOW IF YOU DON'T MIND,
WE'RE STILL FIGHTING
MELLLVAR.
[ All Panting ]
- [ All Gasping ]
- ONE MORE HIT,
AND WE'RE DONE FOR!
LET'S TAKE HIM OUT WITH US.
DO YOU GUYS HAVE
A SELF-DESTRUCT CODE?
LIKE DESTRUCT SEQUENCE
1-A, 2-B, 3--
THANKS A LOT, TAKEI!
NOW EVERYBODY KNOWS!
IF I CAN'T HAVE THE ORIGINAL
CAST OF STAR TREK,
NO ONE WILL!
PREPARE TO DIE!
WAIT! IF THEY MEAN
THAT MUCH TO YOU,
WHY DO YOU WANT TO KILL THEM?
BECAUSE I-- I--
I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'D DO
WITHOUT THEM.
MELLLVAR, YOU CAN'T
LET A TV SHOW
BE YOUR WHOLE LIFE.
YOU CAN DO ANYTHING YOU WANT.
LOOK AT WALTER KOENIG.
AFTER STAR TREK,
HE BECAME AN ACTOR.
NOT JUST AN ACTOR
BUT A WELL-ROUNDED PERSON...
WITH MY OWN FRIENDS
AND CREDIT CARDS AND KEYS.
WELL, I...
GUESS I COULD MOVE OUT
OF MY PARENTS' BASEMENT.
- MAYBE GET A TEMP JOB.
- WHOA, WHOA.
ONE STEP AT A TIME.
I THANK YOU, FRY.
YOU KNOW, YOU AND I
ARE OF A KIND.
IN A DIFFERENT REALITY,
I COULD HAVE CALLED YOU...
FRIEND.
EPISODE 10.
"BALANCE OF TERROR."
MORE LIKE EPISODE NINE,
LOSER!
IN YOUR FACE!
VICTORY IS MINE!
[ Taunting Laughter ]
I WONDER, MY FRIENDS.
WAS HE REALLY SUCH
AN EVIL ENERGY GAS?
HE DID GIVE US
ETERNAL YOUTH.
TWENTY-FOUR HOUR
LAUNDROMAT.
A FULL ASSORTMENT OF RUM,
BOTH SPICED AND REGULAR.
TRULY,
IT WAS A PARADISE.
AND ALL YOU HAD
TO PUT UP WITH WAS ONE
REALLY ANNOYING STAR TREK FAN.
LET'S GET THE HELL
OUT OF HERE.
ONE, TWO! ONE, TWO, THREE!
[ Man ]
SHATNER'S LOG:
AIR DATE, UNKNOWN.
THE IMPOSSIBLE HAS HAPPENED.
IT WOULD TAKE DAYS
TO RECOUNT THE EVENTS
I'VE WITNESSED.
SO, SETTLE IN.
IT ALL BEGAN--
QUIET, YOU! THIS COURT-MARTIAL
IS NOW IN SESSION.
THE HONORABLY SEXY
ZAPP BRANIGAN RESIDING.
BRING IN THE ACCUSED.
- [ All Gasping ]
- OH, MY.
PHILIP J. FRY,
YOU STAND ACCUSED...
OF TRAVELING TO THE FORBIDDEN
PLANET OMEGA 3,
A CRIME PUNISHABLE BY 12
CONCURRENT DEATH SENTENCES.
- DO YOU UNDERSTAND THE CHARGES?
- ONE BEEP FOR "YES,"
TWO BEEPS FOR "NO."
- [ Beeps Once ]
- YES. SO NOTED.
DO YOU PLEAD GUILTY?
- [ Beeps Twice ]
- DOUBLE YES. GUILTY!
I WILL NOW
CARRY OUT THE SENTENCE.
KIF, MY GUN.
WAIT!
HE PLED "NOT GUILTY."
ORDER!
ORDER IN THE COURT!
VERY WELL THEN, MR. FRY.
PLEASE RECOUNT THE EVENTS
THAT LED YOU TO BE GUILTY.
[ Rapid Beeping ]
[ Leela ] THE PROFESSOR SAID HE
HE WAS TAKING A BRIEF NAP, SO WE
ONLY HAVE TIME FOR SIX MOVIES.
LET'S TAKE THESE
SIX JIM CARREY MOVIES
AND RECORD OVER THEM!
YOU KNOW WHAT SIX MOVIES
AVERAGE OUT TO BE REALLY GOOD?
THE FIRST SIX STAR TREK MOVIES!
- [ All Gasping ]
- EVERYBODY HIT THE DECK!
SHH!
THOSE WORDS ARE FORBIDDEN.
- WHAT WORDS? STAR TREK?
- [ Alarm Sounding ]
SHH!
SHUT YOUR GILLS!
[ Siren Wailing ]
THAT SOUND. IT'S
PATROL CAR 718! HIDE HIM!
♪♪ [ Scatting ]
[ Rapid Beeping ]
THE COURT IS INTRIGUED.
PERHAPS WE COULD HEAR MORE
ABOUT THESE FORBIDDEN WORDS...
FROM SOMEONE WITH
A SEXILY SEDUCTIVE VOICE.
WITH PLEASURE. YOU SEE,
THE SHOW WAS BANNED
AFTER THE STAR TREK WARS.
YOU MEAN THE VAST MIGRATION
OF STAR WARS FANS?
UH, NO. THAT WAS
THE STAR WARS TREK.
BY THE 23rd CENTURY,
STAR TREK FANDOM...
HAD EVOLVED FROM A LOOSE
ASSOCIATION OF NERDS
WITH SKIN PROBLEMS...
INTO A FULL-BLOWN RELIGION.
AND SCOTTY BEAMED THEM
TO THE KLINGON SHIP...
WHERE THEY WOULD
BE NO TRIBBLE AT ALL.
ALL POWER
TO THE ENGINES.
[ Nichelle Nichols ]
AS COUNTRY AFTER COUNTRY FELL
UNDER ITS INFLUENCE,
WORLD LEADERS BECAME THREATENED
BY THE MOVEMENT'S POWER.
AND SO THE TREKKIES
WERE EXECUTED...
IN THE MANNER
MOST BEFITTING VIRGINS.
WHOA!
HE'S DEAD, JIM.
HE'S DEAD, JIM.
HE'S DEAD, JIM.
FINALLY, THE SACRED TEXTS
WERE BANNED.
[ George Takei ]
THE LAST COPIES OF THE 79
EPISODES AND SIX MOVIES...
WERE DUMPED ON THE
FORBIDDEN WORLD OMEGA 3,
ALONG WITH THAT BLOOPER REEL
WHERE THE DOOR DOESN'T
CLOSE ALL THE WAY.
THUS, STAR TREK WAS FOREVER
SCOURED FROM HUMAN MEMORY.
ANOTHER CLASSIC
SCIENCE-FICTION SHOW
CANCELED BEFORE ITS TIME.
TSK, TSK, TSK.
I'VE NEVER HEARD
OF SUCH A BRUTAL...
AND SHOCKING INJUSTICE
THAT I CARED SO LITTLE ABOUT.
NEXT WITNESS!
BENDER THE ROBOT,
PLEASE TAKE THE STAND.
SHE'S ALL YOURS, BUDDY.
I'D ONLY MET
THE DEFENDANT, FRY, ONCE,
BUT I KNEW
HE WAS UP TO NO GOOD.
- PLEASE USE THE BEEPS.
- OH!
[ Rapid Beeping ]
MR. NIMOY! I CAME AS SOON
AS I HEARD WHAT HAPPENED
CENTURIES AGO.
I CAN'T BELIEVE
YOUR SHOW WAS BANNED.
I HAVE ABSOLUTELY
NO IDEA WHAT
YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.
[ Clicking, Whirring ]
YOU KNOW-- 1966?
SEVENTY-NINE EPISODES?
ABOUT 30 GOOD ONES?
OH, REALLY. I'VE DONE
TOO MANY THINGS TO REMEMBER
ONE PARTICULAR TV SERIES.
BUT IF-IF YOU WANT TO
DISCUSS MY BOOKS OF POETRY--
COME ON! REMEMBER THAT EPISODE
WHERE YOU GOT HIGH ON SPORES
AND SMACKED KIRK AROUND?
NO. PERHAPS YOU'RE THINKING
OF MY ONE-MAN SHOW
ABOUT VINCENT VAN SPOCK.
I-I-I MEAN VAN GOGH.
DAMN!
AHA!
YOU CAN'T ESCAPE IT.
[ Sobbing ]
OH, YOU'RE RIGHT.
I CAN'T.
UH--
GEEZ, DON'T GET UPSET.
I MEAN, OKAY,
I OUTWITTED YOU, BUT--
NO. IT'S MY
FELLOW CAST MEMBERS.
THREE HUNDRED YEARS AGO,
THEY LEFT EARTH BEHIND.
THIS PLANET DOESN'T
APPRECIATE US ANYMORE, LEONARD.
BILL, YOU ARE,
AND ALWAYS SHALL BE,
MY FRIEND.
BUT I JUST SIGNED
A SIX-MONTH LEASE
ON MY APARTMENT.
I CAN'T WALK AWAY FROM
A COMMITMENT LIKE THAT.
FAREWELL, MY FRIEND.
OH!
[ Sobbing ]
WHY DID THE WORLD TURN ITS BACK
ON OUR OBVIOUS GREATNESS?
I'M LITERALLY
ANGRY WITH RAGE!
YOUR COSTARS MAY BE GONE,
BUT WE CAN STILL GET
THOSE EPISODE TAPES BACK
FOR THE WHOLE WORLD TO SEE!
COME ON!
[ Groans ]
YES! FRONT ROW!
YOU CAN'T GO TO OMEGA 3!
IT'S FORBIDDEN!
I FORBID YOU!
BUT WE HAVE TO! THE WORLD
NEEDS STAR TREK TO GIVE
PEOPLE HOPE FOR THE FUTURE!
BUT IT'S SET 800 YEARS
IN THE PAST.
YEAH! WHY IS THIS
SO IMPORTANT TO YOU?
'CAUSE IT--
IT TAUGHT ME SO MUCH.
LIKE HOW YOU SHOULD
ACCEPT PEOPLE,
WHETHER THEY BE BLACK,
WHITE, KLINGON,
OR EVEN FEMALE.
BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY,
WHEN I DIDN'T HAVE
ANY FRIENDS,
IT-IT MADE ME FEEL
LIKE MAYBE I DID.
WELL, THAT IS
TOUCHINGLY PATHETIC.
I GUESS I CAN'T
LET YOU GO ALONE.
I'LL GO TOO--
WITH LEONARD'S PERMISSION,
OF COURSE.
WE'RE ENTERING
THE OMEGA SYSTEM.
[ Alarm Sounds ]
[ Female Voice ]
WARNING. YOU ARE NOW
IN FORBIDDEN SPACE.
FORBIDDEN, SCHUR-SCHMIDDEN.
WHAT ARE THEY GONNA DO,
WRITE A LETTER?
OOH, I'M SO SCARED.
[ Alarm Sounding ]
I'VE LOST CONTROL OF THE SHIP!
[ Babbling ]
LOST CONTROL OF THE SHIP!
[ Gasps ]
OH, DIP!
DIP, INDEED.
[ Fry ]
IT'S ALL STUFF
FROM THAT FORBIDDEN SHOW.
SO MANY CARDBOARD SETS.
SO MANY MEMORIES.
IF ONLY THE OTHERS--
[ William Shatner ]
I GUESS THAT'S MY CUE.
- BILL!
- L-DOG!
HEY!
THIS IS WONDERFUL!
OH, MAN.
I FEEL LIKE HUGGING YOU.
WELL, I WOULD,
EXCEPT YOU HAVE NO BODY.
AND WE'RE BOTH MEN.
[ Nimoy ]
NICHELLE! GEORGE!
WALTER!
DeFORREST!
WELSHIE!
- WELSHIE?
- WE DID SOME MUSICAL REUNION
SPECIALS IN THE 2200s.
BUT THE GUY WHO PLAYED SCOTTY
HAD TROUBLE YODELING.
EVER SINCE THEN,
WELSHIE HAS BEEN
A WELCOME PARTICIPANT...
IN OUR ESCAPADES.
AYE!
[ Speaking Gibberish ]
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!
HOW'D YOU ALL END UP HERE?
WE WERE ON OUR WAY
TO WELSHIE'S COUSIN'S HOUSE
TO STAY IN THE GUEST ROOM...
WHEN OUR SHIP WAS PULLED DOWN
TO THIS PLANET AND CRASHED,
JUST LIKE YOURS.
WHEN WE WOKE UP,
WE HAD THESE BODIES.
- SAY IT IN RUSSIAN.
- [ Groans ]
VEN VEE VOKE UP,
VEE HAD THESE WAH-DIES.
EEE!
NOW SAY NUCLEAR "WESSELS"!
- NO!
- WE LOVE IT HERE.
EVERYTHING IS PROVIDED FOR US,
AND WE NEVER AGE.
CHECK OUT THESE ABS.
YOWZA!
BUT WHO'S DOING
ALL THIS FOR YOU?
YOU KNOW,
WE NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT IT.
WE'RE FAMOUS CELEBRITIES.
WE'RE USED TO
THIS SORT OF TREATMENT.
[ Male Voice ] IT IS I!
- [ All Gasping ]
- WHOA!
WHAT A CHEESY EFFECT!
I'M NOT AN EFFECT!
YOU DOUBT MY POWER?
I DO!
AYE!
[ All Gasping ]
[ Maniacal Laughing ]
WELSHIE!
THIS COURT WILL NOW HEAR SOME
VERY SENSUAL TESTIMONY...
FROM THIS COURT'S EX-LOVER,
TURANGA LEELA.
GO [ Beep ] YOURSELF.
[ Rapid Beeping ]
BEHOLD ANOTHER POWER,
DIFFERENT FROM
THE ONE YOU SAW EARLIER!
HEY! A BODY!
BUFF, TAN--
YEAH.
THIS IS MINE, ALL RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT, YOU GAS.
WHAT'S THE DEAL?
CENTURIES AGO,
THE VIDEOTAPED ADVENTURES
OF THE ENTERPRISE CREW...
RAINED DOWN UPON MY PLANET.
OVER AND OVER
I WATCHED THEM,
ESPECIALLY THE FIVE
WITH THE ENERGY BEINGS.
I AM MELLLVAR!
SEER OF THE TAPES!
KNOWER OF THE EPISODES!
TREMBLE BEFORE MY ENCYCLOPEDIC
KNOWLEDGE OF STAR TREK!
TREMBLE? I LAUGH.
- NOBODY KNOWS MORE
ABOUT STAR TREK THAN ME!
- I BEG TO DIFFER!
LONG HAVE I WAITED
FOR THE ONE WHO PLAYED SPOCK.
AT LAST WE CAN BEGIN.
COOL!
A STAR TREK CONVENTION!
UH-- UH, MELLLVAR?
CAN YOU GIVE US SOME IDEA...
HOW LONG
THIS IS GOING TO LAST?
- UNTIL TIME STOPS.
- WHAT?
- YOU CAN'T DO THIS!
NOW, WE HAVE
A FULL SCHEDULE OF EVENTS.
UH, CAN PEOPLE WHO HATE
STAR TREK LEAVE?
GOOD QUESTION.
- NO. YOU HAVE TO STAY
EVEN LONGER!
- [ Both Grumbling ]
[ Snoring ]
UM-- UH--
SIGN IT TO MELLLVAR.
MELLLVAR HAS THREE "L's".
I THINK I'VE DONE
ENOUGH CONVENTIONS TO
KNOW HOW TO SPELL MELLLVAR.
- SAY "NERD"!
- NERD!
I'M SLIM SHADY.
YES.
I'M THE REAL SHADY.
ALL YOU OTHER SLIM SHADYS
ARE JUST IMITATING.
SO, WON'T THE REAL SLIM SHADY
PLEASE STAND UP?
PLEASE STAND UP.
PLEASE STAND UP.
HOW CAN YOU DO
A SPOKEN-WORD VERSION
OF A RAP SONG?
HE FOUND A WAY.
FOR 100 QUATLOOS,
WHO DID THE CAPTAIN MAROON
ON CETI ALPHA FIVE?
KHAN!
[ Bell Dings ]
UH, KHAN?
- CORRECT!
- MY BUTTON HAS BROKEN!
THE TRIVIA CONTEST
IS ENDED. I NOW
HAVE A SURPRISE.
YOU WILL PERFORM
A FAN SCRIPT...
WRITTEN BY
THE ULTIMATE TREK FAN!
YOU HAVE MY FAN SCRIPT?
I MEANT ME! MELLLVAR'S
THE ULTIMATE FAN!
OH. I WAS CONFUSED
BECAUSE THE SCOREBOARD
SAYS SOMETHING DIFFERENT.
[ Grumbling ]
TRIVIA CONTEST OVER!
TAKE YOUR SCRIPTS!
WE HAVE LIMITED
REHEARSAL TIME.
NOW, I DIDN'T MAKE ENOUGH
COPIES OF THE SCRIPT,
SO GEORGE AND WALTER
WILL HAVE TO SHARE.
UH-- YOU PROBABLY DON'T
WANT US TO SEE YOU REHEARSING,
OR IT'LL GIVE AWAY THE ENDING.
THAT'S RIGHT!
THE ENDING MUST NOT
BE RUINED!
- WE'LL GO WAIT IN THE SHIP.
- OKAY.
NOT TILL I GET
MY 600 QUATLOOS!
THIS IS WRONG.
WE SHOULDN'T HAVE
ABANDONED THEM THERE.
I DON'T KNOW.
I'M FEELIN' PRETTY GOOD
ABOUT IT.
I DIDN'T WANT TO LEAVE THEM
EITHER, FRY. BUT WHAT
WERE WE SUPPOSED TO DO?
WELL, USUALLY ON THE SHOW,
SOMEONE WOULD COME UP
WITH A COMPLICATED PLAN,
THEN EXPLAIN IT
WITH A SIMPLE ANALOGY.
HMM. IF WE CAN REROUTE
ENGINE POWER THROUGH
THE PRIMARY WEAPONS...
AND RECONFIGURE THEM
TO MELLLVAR'S FREQUENCY,
THAT SHOULD OVERLOAD
HIS ELECTRO-QUANTUM STRUCTURE.
LIKE PUTTING TOO MUCH AIR
IN A BALLOON!
OF COURSE!
IT'S SO SIMPLE!
"ALAS, MY SHIP,
WHOM I LOVE
LIKE A WOMAN,
IS... DISABLED."
- OH, LORD.
- "FASCINATING, CAPTAIN.
AND LOGICAL TOO.
YET WE NEED SOME HELP."
"LOOK, CAPTAIN.
MELLLVAR WILL HELP US."
"CAPTAIN, I WOPE HE WILL
WELP OUR VESSEL."
- WESSEL!
- [ Shuddering ]
- YOU'RE NOT ACTING HARD ENOUGH!
- MELLLVAR, YOU HAVE TO
RESPECT YOUR ACTORS.
WHEN I DIRECTED STAR TREK IV,
I GOT A MAGNIFICENT PERFORMANCE
OUT OF BILL...
BECAUSE I RESPECTED HIM
SO MUCH.
AND WHEN I DIRECTED
STAR TREK V,
I GOT A MAGNIFICENT PERFORMANCE
OUT OF ME BECAUSE
I RESPECTED ME SO MUCH.
OKAY! I'M DONE "RECAFOOBELLING"
THE ENERGY-MOTRON!
OR WHATEVER!
FIRE!
"MY, WHAT A HANDSOME
ENERGY CREATURE YOU ARE.
I LOVE YOU."
[ Screaming ]
HEY, YOU WROTE IT!
[ Groans ]
IT'S NOT WORKING!
HE'S DRAWING STRENGTH
FROM OUR WEAPONS!
LIKE A BALLOON, AND...
SOMETHING BAD HAPPENS!
[ Shouting ]
[ Both Screaming ]
[ Bender ]
YEP.
SO, UH,
HOW'S REHEARSAL GOING?
LOUSY. HERE I'VE BEEN
ADMIRING A BUNCH OF ACTORS,
WHILE YOU,
A CREW OF GENUINE
SPACE HEROES, RISKED
YOUR LIVES TO SAVE THEM.
HEY, WE'VE DONE
HEROIC THINGS TOO.
YEAH.
IN THE THIRD SEASON,
I KISSED SHATNER.
SILENCE! MY WHOLE WORLD
HAS TURNED UPSIDE DOWN.
I HAVE BUT ONE OPTION.
- KEEP THEM AND LET US GO?
- NO!
TO DETERMINE WHO IS MORE WORTHY
OF MY FANATICAL DEVOTION,
I SHALL PIT YOU AGAINST
EACH OTHER IN ARMED COMBAT...
TO THE DEATH!
WHERE'D YOU GET
AN IDIOTIC IDEA LIKE THAT?
EPISODES 19, 46,
56 AND 77!
GREAT LIST.
EXCEPT YOU FORGOT EPISODE 66.
[ Chuckling ]
[ Stammering ]
I WAS GETTING TO THAT ONE!
[ Shouting ]
SO MELLLVAR ORDERED
A BATTLE TO THE DEATH.
- I ASSUME NO ONE SURVIVED?
- [ Sighs ]
CAN WE GET ON WITH THIS?
MY FOOT'S GETTING TIRED.
[ Beeping ]
THIS WILL BE YOUR STANDARD
BATTLE TO THE DEATH.
THE ONLY WEAPONS--
WHATEVER YOU CAN FIND.
BUT I WARN YOU.
DO NOTHING...
UNTIL I HAVE SIGNALED
THE START OF COMBAT.
OKAY, START.
[ All Gasping, Shouting ]
[ Wind Howling ]
I DON'T HAVE MUCH
EXPERIENCE AT FIGHTING,
EXCEPT WITH YOU GUYS.
I HAVE AN IDEA.
WASN'T THERE AN EPISODE WHERE
I THREW MY SHOE AT THE ENEMY?
- YOU MEAN DOOHAN?
- [ Both Chuckling ]
WHOEVER IT WAS,
I DID IT LIKE THIS.
YAAH!
- OW!
- MY FOOT'S COLD.
THERE. WE CAN
MAKE THESE INTO SPEARS.
AND WE CAN TIE THESE
CATERPILLARS TOGETHER TO MAKE
BOW STRINGS FOR BOWS AND ARROWS.
AND WE CAN USE THIS MACHINE GUN
TO SHOOT THEM!
YEE-HAW!
[ Clicking ]
[ Laughing ]
THAT WAS FUN.
WHAT IF I DISTRACT THEM
WITH MY FAMOUS FAN DANCE?
OH, THAT'S GOOD,
GOOD, GOOD, GOOD.
AND THEN, GEORGE,
YOU GIVE THEM
A KARATE CHOP.
I FIND THAT OFFENSIVE.
JUST BECAUSE
I'M OF JAPANESE ANCESTRY,
YOU ASSUME I KNOW KARATE.
HAVE I EVER
LED YOU TO BELIEVE
I HAVE STUDIED KARATE?
WELL, NO.
BUT YOU NEVER TALK
ABOUT YOURSELF.
MAYBE IF YOU SHOWED
A LITTLE INTEREST.
WELL, HERE GOES NOTHING.
[ Screaming ]
HELLO, BOYS.
WHOA!
HYAH!
[ Shouting ]
AAH!
[ Gasps ]
- THERE'S NO RIGHT WAY
TO HIT A WOMAN.
- THEN DO IT THE WRONG WAY.
FINE.
YEEE-OH-HO!
- IS THAT ALL YOU GOT? HYAH!
- [ Groaning ]
COME ON, WALTER!
TAKE THAT!
[ Whooping ]
[ Groaning ]
IT HURTS.
LET'S SEE IF THIS
ACTUALLY WORKS.
[ Grunts ]
OW! OW! OW!
AAH! MY FACE!
[ Groans ]
MY FACE TOO!
MAY I?
- HYAH!
- [ Groans ]
EXCELLENT.
EXCELLENT.
LEELA, PLEASE.
THIS IS EXACTLY
WHAT MELLLVAR WANTS.
WE'RE JUST PAWNS IN HIS
DIABOLICAL GAME OF CHECKERS.
CAN'T WE RESOLVE
OUR DIFFERENCES
SOME OTHER WAY?
MELLLVAR!
DINNERTIME!
AW, BUT, MOM!
I'M PLAYIN' WITH
MY COLLECTIBLES!
NOW!
[ Groans ]
ALL THIS TIME,
WE THOUGHT HE WAS
A POWERFUL SUPER-BEING.
- YET HE WAS JUST A CHILD.
- HE'S NOT A CHILD! HE'S 34!
ALL RIGHT, KOENIG!
I'VE WANTED TO DO THIS
FOR YEARS!
BENDER, WAIT!
THIS IS OUR CHANCE TO ESCAPE
BEFORE MELLLVAR COMES BACK!
BUT WE ALL NEED
TO WORK TOGETHER.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.
[ Nimoy Clears Throat ]
HELLO.
WE'VE DECIDED
TO WORK TOGETHER.
YEAH, SO DID THEY.
NOW, HOW DO WE ESCAPE?
WE CAN'T USE OUR SHIP.
WE HAVE LIFE SUPPORT,
BUT THE ENGINES ARE WRECKED.
IRONIC, BECAUSE
OUR ENGINES WORK, BUT OUR
LIFE SUPPORT SYSTEMS DON'T.
HEY. IF YOUR ENGINES WORK--
AND YOUR
LIFE SUPPORT SYSTEMS WORK--
STOP! YOU'RE JUST
GOIN' AROUND IN CIRCLES!
THINK, FRY. THINK.
EVERYONE'S DEPENDING ON YOU.
WE'RE TOO HEAVY!
YOU GUYS NEED TO
LOSE SOME WEIGHT. FAST!
FISH.
LOOK! LEONARD!
WE'RE LIGHT ENOUGH
TO KEEP THE TAPES!
ISN'T THAT GREAT?
I'M LIVING IN
A GEFILTE FISH JAR.
WE DID IT!
[ All Cheering ]
[ Melllvar Chuckling Evilly ]
- [ All Shouting ]
- MELLLVAR'S GOT A SPACESHIP!
YES!
IN MINT CONDITION!
AND YOU MADE ME TAKE IT
OUT OF THE PACKAGE!
THE NIMBUS!
WE'RE SAVED!
YOU'RE UNDER ARREST.
PREPARE TO BE BOARDED.
SO I BOARDED YOU, HUH?
UH, WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
YOU STARTED THIS STUPID
COURT-MARTIAL!
NOW IF YOU DON'T MIND,
WE'RE STILL FIGHTING
MELLLVAR.
[ All Panting ]
- [ All Gasping ]
- ONE MORE HIT,
AND WE'RE DONE FOR!
LET'S TAKE HIM OUT WITH US.
DO YOU GUYS HAVE
A SELF-DESTRUCT CODE?
LIKE DESTRUCT SEQUENCE
1-A, 2-B, 3--
THANKS A LOT, TAKEI!
NOW EVERYBODY KNOWS!
IF I CAN'T HAVE THE ORIGINAL
CAST OF STAR TREK,
NO ONE WILL!
PREPARE TO DIE!
WAIT! IF THEY MEAN
THAT MUCH TO YOU,
WHY DO YOU WANT TO KILL THEM?
BECAUSE I-- I--
I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'D DO
WITHOUT THEM.
MELLLVAR, YOU CAN'T
LET A TV SHOW
BE YOUR WHOLE LIFE.
YOU CAN DO ANYTHING YOU WANT.
LOOK AT WALTER KOENIG.
AFTER STAR TREK,
HE BECAME AN ACTOR.
NOT JUST AN ACTOR
BUT A WELL-ROUNDED PERSON...
WITH MY OWN FRIENDS
AND CREDIT CARDS AND KEYS.
WELL, I...
GUESS I COULD MOVE OUT
OF MY PARENTS' BASEMENT.
- MAYBE GET A TEMP JOB.
- WHOA, WHOA.
ONE STEP AT A TIME.
I THANK YOU, FRY.
YOU KNOW, YOU AND I
ARE OF A KIND.
IN A DIFFERENT REALITY,
I COULD HAVE CALLED YOU...
FRIEND.
EPISODE 10.
"BALANCE OF TERROR."
MORE LIKE EPISODE NINE,
LOSER!
IN YOUR FACE!
VICTORY IS MINE!
[ Taunting Laughter ]
I WONDER, MY FRIENDS.
WAS HE REALLY SUCH
AN EVIL ENERGY GAS?
HE DID GIVE US
ETERNAL YOUTH.
TWENTY-FOUR HOUR
LAUNDROMAT.
A FULL ASSORTMENT OF RUM,
BOTH SPICED AND REGULAR.
TRULY,
IT WAS A PARADISE.
AND ALL YOU HAD
TO PUT UP WITH WAS ONE
REALLY ANNOYING STAR TREK FAN.
LET'S GET THE HELL
OUT OF HERE.