Futurama (1999–2013): Season 3, Episode 9 - The Birdbot of Ice-Catraz - full transcript
Planet Express is hired to haul the super-tanker Juan Valdez filled with Colombian dark matter past the Plutonian penguin preserve. Leela refuses to participate and joins the environmentalist protesters on Pluto instead. The Professor puts Bender in charge, which upsets Fry. Captain Bender causes a massive oil spill and ends up hiding amongst the penguins.
[ Man ]
ONE, TWO. ONE, TWO, THREE!
SO I GAVE THE COOKIES
YOU MADE TO FAWN AND THE KIDS,
AND THEY COULDN'T BELIEVE IT!
THEY WERE DELICIOUS!
BUT I DIGRESS.
TREMBLE, PUNY EARTHLINGS!
ONE DAY MY RACE WILL
DESTROY YOU ALL.
[ Doorbell Ringing,
Footsteps Departing ]
COULD ONE OF YOU GUYS
GET THAT?
[ Baby Cooing ]
[ Gasping ]
IT'S A DOORBELL BABY!
HELLO, LITTLE GUY. YOU KNOW,
I WAS ABANDONED AS A BABY TOO.
SO--
GARBAGE, HUH?
I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT.
[ Blow Landing,
Bender Grunting ]
BENDER, STOP!
- IT'S A BABY!
- A BABY WHAT? OW!
OH, IT'S JUST A CARD!
FROM THE ORPHANARIUM
I GREW UP IN.
[ Recorded Baby Voice ]
OH! LEELA, YOU'RE INVITED
TO A REUNION...
AT COOKIEVILLE MINIMUM-SECURITY
ORPHANARIUM.
[ Woman's Recorded Voice ]
PLEASE STAND CLEAR OF
SELF-DESTRUCTING BASKET.
- [ Leela Whimpering ]
- A REUNION AT YOUR OLD
ORPHANARIUM, EH?
YOU GONNA GO?
NO WAY, JOSÉBOT.
I NEVER WANT TO SEE
THOSE OTHER ORPHANS AGAIN.
NOT AFTER THE WAY
THEY USED TO PICK ON ME.
[ Children Chanting ]
ONE EYE, ONE EYE, ONE EYE!
NICE DEPTH PERCEPTION,
ONE EYE!
[ Laughing ]
HOW CAN YOU
MAKE FUN OF ME, KIRK?
YOU'RE BLIND!
MY EYES MAY NOT WORK,
BUT AT LEAST I GOT TWO OF THEM.
[ Laughing ]
[ Sighs ]
OH.
AW, THAT'S TERRIBLE, LEELA.
BUT IMAGINE THE LOOK
ON THEIR FACES WHEN YOU
SHOW UP WITH TWO FRIENDS...
WHO EAT ALL THE HORS D'OEUVRES.
WELL.
I WOULDN'T MIND
RUBBING MY SUCCESS IN
A FEW CHOICE FACES.
SET A COURSE
FOR ADVENTURE!
[ Banging,
Whirring ]
[ Hooting ]
EW!
[ Bender ]
WHAT A DUMP!
[ Sighing ] OH!
JUST LIKE OLD TIMES.
GOSH.
THE BARS ON THE WINDOWS SEEMED
SO MUCH THICKER BACK THEN.
[ Clears Throat ]
MR. VOGEL?
- REMEMBER ME?
- LEELA!
YOU'RE WORTHLESS, AND NO ONE
WILL EVER LOVE YOU!
[ Laughing ]
YOU USED TO SAY THAT
ALL THE TIME.
AH! THOSE WERE
HAPPIER DAYS.
♪♪ [ Band ]
MM. THE "GRISTLE IN A BLANKET"
ISN'T HALF-BAD.
[ Swallowing ]
AND TRY ONE OF THESE POPSICLE
STICKS. THEY'VE ABSORBED
QUITE A BIT OF FLAVOR.
HEY, LOOK. IT'S OUR
OLD GROUP PICTURE.
I DON'T SEE YOU
ANYWHERE.
THAT'S ME,
OVER IN "COOTIE-TOWN."
WHOO! GET A LOAD OF
THIS AVERAGE-LOOKING GUY.
THAT'S ADLAI ATKINS.
I USED TO HAVE KIND OF
A CRUSH ON HIM.
[ Children ]
ONE EYE, ONE EYE!
STUPID AS A FRENCH GUY!
ONE EYE, ONE EYE,
ONE EYE, ONE EYE--
[ All Continue Chanting ]
[ Sighs Deeply ]
WELL, IT'S TIME TO SAY
HELLO TO THE OLD GANG.
[ Gulping ]
SO? WHAT YOU BEEN
UP TO SINCE YOU
LEFT THE ORPHANARIUM?
OH, LIVIN' IN A BOX,
FIGHTIN' THE SHAKES. YOU?
SELLIN' KIDNEYS, TEETH.
WHATEVER FALLS OUT OF ME.
AND WHAT AM I UP TO,
YOU ASK? WHY, I'M A VERY
SUCCESSFUL SPACE CAPTAIN.
OH!
WOW!
HOW NICE FOR YOU,
LEELA.
THAT'S SO GOOD...
FOR A PERSON
WITH ONE EYE.
HEY! YOU CAN'T FEEL
SORRY FOR ME.
I'M A SPACE CAPTAIN, AND
YOU'RE A BUNCH OF LOSERS.
UH, RIGHT. RIGHT.
WE'RE THE LOSERS.
[ Coughs ]
WELL, IF IT ISN'T
OLD ONE EYE.
[ Laughing ]
OH, YEAH? WELL,
SHUT UP, CANE BOY!
HE CAN'T HEAR YA.
HE'S DEAF NOW.
LEAVE LEELA ALONE.
SHE'S LEADING
A PERFECTLY NORMAL LIFE.
SHE'S NOT GUSSIED UP,
DUDED OUT, GETTING DOWN,
OR WHERE IT'S AT.
NOW, RUN ALONG.
THANKS, ADLAI. I GUESS
YOU NEVER REALLY OUTGROW
BEING AN EYEBALL--
- ODDBALL.
- NONSENSE, YOU'RE
A SPACE CAPTAIN.
- THAT'S A FINE,
CONVENTIONAL PROFESSION.
- WELL, YOU KNOW.
IT'S JUST FOR
A PACKAGE DELIVERY SERVICE.
AH-AH! A PACKAGE IS JUST
A BOX UNTIL IT'S DELIVERED.
HUH! I'D NEVER THOUGHT
OF IT THAT WAY.
SO WHAT DO YOU DO
THESE DAYS?
- OH, I'M A DOCTOR.
- A TALL DOCTOR, YOU SAY.
[ Gulping ]
[ Laughing ]
SIR? YOU SEEM
PRETTY STABLE.
HAVE YOU THOUGHT ABOUT
ADOPTING ONE OF OUR KIDS?
SURE HAVEN'T.
WELL, KEEP ADOPTION IN MIND.
IT'S A GREAT WAY TO HAVE A KID
WITHOUT HAVING SEX.
REALLY?
PLUS, THE GOVERNMENT
WILL HELP OUT WITH A SMALL
STIPEND OF $100 A WEEK!
A HUNDRED DOLLARS A WEEK!
[ Gulping, Spitting ]
I'M SO SORRY
I TEASED YOU BACK THEN.
LET ME MAKE IT UP TO YOU.
I CAN FIX IT SO NO ONE EVER
MAKES FUN OF YOU AGAIN.
YOU MEAN, BY BEATING THEM UP?
BECAUSE I'VE BROKEN THAT BLIND
KID'S NOSE, LIKE, TEN TIMES, AND
IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY DIFFERENCE.
NO, I SPECIALIZE
IN PHASER EYE SURGERY.
I CAN BUILD YOU A PARAFFIN
EYE AND GRAFT IT ON
WITH SKIN FROM YOUR FOOT.
IT WON'T BE ABLE TO SEE,
BUT YOU'LL LOOK LIKE
A PERFECTLY NORMAL...
TWO-EYED PERSON.
ME? PERFECTLY NORMAL?
HMM.
HMM!
[ Children Cheering ]
SONS, DAUGHTERS,
MEET UNCLE FRY.
HEY, WHY ARE THOSE KIDS
FOLLOWING YOU? DO YOU HAVE
CANDY STUCK TO YOUR ASS?
NO, IT'S CALLED "PARENTING."
COME ON, DUMPLINGS.
WE'VE GOT 12 GOVERNMENT
STIPENDS TO COLLECT!
YEA!
OUR DADDY'S A GIANT TOY!
PHASER EYE SURGERY
IS A CAPITAL IDEA.
I'M SURE LEELA'S
TIRED OF MORONS GAPING
AT HER EYE ALL THE TIME.
OH-H-H!
I THINK COSMETIC SURGERY'S
GREAT, LEELA.
I USED TO BE TOO CUTE,
SO I HAD CUTENESS
REDUCTION SURGERY.
HERE AND HERE.
YOU GUYS ARE CRAZY.
LEELA DOESN'T NEED SURGERY.
YOU LOOK GREAT
THE WAY YOU ARE.
OH, THAT'S SO SWEET, FRY.
BUT FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE,
I JUST WANT TO LOOK NORMAL.
BUT YOU'RE
BETTER THAN NORMAL.
YOU'RE ABNORMAL.
IF YOU ASK ME, YOU SHOULDN'T
CARE WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK.
YOU'RE RIGHT! I'LL START BY
NOT CARING WHAT YOU THINK.
I'M GETTING THE SURGERY!
THAT-A-GIRL!
RIGHT ON!
GOOD CALL.
WONDERFUL. AND WHILE YOU'RE
UNDER THE KNIFE,
YOU COULD ALSO GET
AN INK POUCH TO HELP YOU
ESCAPE YOUR ENEMIES.
THAT'S THE STUPIDEST
IDEA I'VE EVER HEARD,
YOU IMBECILE!
WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO--
NOW, WE'LL FIND OUT
IF THE OPERATION
WAS A SUCCESS!
HOLD ONTO YOUR HATS.
- [ Shocked Gasping ]
- OH! I'M SORRY.
THIS IS THE WRONG PATIENT.
[ Gasping ]
WHOOPS!
[ Squeaking ]
LEELA, THOSE EYES
LOOK SO GREAT ON YOU.
BAH! I THINK SHE LOOKED
FINE BEFORE.
[ All Disagreeing ]
WOW! LOOK AT ME!
ALTHOUGH I DON'T HAVE
THE HANG OF BLINKING YET.
YOU'LL GET IT. PERSONALLY,
I TRY NOT TO BLINK TOO MUCH,
BECAUSE IT SEEMS FLASHY.
BUT WHEN I DO, I ENJOY IT.
[ Gasping ]
OH! I DID IT!
I BLUNK!
AND JUST IN TIME
TO SCREW UP
THIS PICTURE I TOOK.
- HOORAY!
- ♪♪ [ "Pretty Woman" ]
♪ PRETTY WOMAN
WALKIN' DOWN THE STREET ♪
- ♪ PRETTY WOMAN ♪
- [ All ] OW! OW! OW!
♪ THE KIND I LIKE TO MEET
PRETTY WOMAN ♪
♪ I DON'T BELIEVE YOU
YOU'RE NOT THE TRUTH ♪
♪ NO ONE COULD LOOK
AS GOOD AS YOU ♪
♪ MERCY ♪
♪ OH, OH ♪
OH!
- ♪ PRETTY WOMAN ♪
- I'VE NEVER FELT
SO UNREMARKABLE!
TODAY, I ACTUALLY
BLENDED IN WITH A CROWD!
[ Laughs ]
[ Giggling, Chattering ]
KIDS, MEET THE JERKBAGS
I WORK WITH.
[ Together ]
HELLO, JERKBAGS!
OH! THEY'RE SO CUTE!
WHAT ARE THEIR NAMES?
- KIDS HAVE NAMES?
- MY NAME IS NINA,
AND HIS NAME'S ALBERT--
AND FROM NOW ON,
YOU'RE ALL NAMED
BENDER JUNIOR!
LOOKY HERE. MY FIRST
GOVERNMENT STIPEND CHECK.
TWELVE BABY HUMANS,
1,200 WING-WANGS.
DADDY BENDER,
WE'RE HUNGRY!
WHAT IS IT WITH YOU KIDS?
EVERY OTHER DAY,
IT'S FOOD, FOOD, FOOD!
OH, FINE. I'LL GET YOU
SOME STUPID FOOD.
COULD WE HAVE
BENDER BURGERS AGAIN?
NO! THE CAT SHELTER'S
ON TO ME.
HELLO, LEELA. I WAS AT
A NEARBY TAILOR, GETTING ONE OF
MY HAWAIIAN SHIRTS TONED DOWN,
SO I THOUGHT I'D DROP IN
FOR YOUR FOLLOW-UP EXAM.
[ Chuckling ]
OH! THAT'S SO
HANDSOME OF YOU.
JUST FOLLOW THE LIGHT
WITH YOUR EYES.
PERFECT! YOU KNOW, A GUY
COULD FALL HEAD OVER HEELS
FOR A GAL LIKE YOU.
AS FOR ME, I'M SOMEWHAT
INTERESTED MYSELF.
- WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?
- I'VE NEVER BEEN GOOD
WITH WORDS--
WHICH IS WHY I'M IN
SUCH A DELICATE CONUNDRUM.
- WILL YOU GO OUT WITH ME
THIS SUNDAY?
- SURE!
- [ Gasps ]
- I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE
TO SAY, SO I'LL JUST SAY IT.
OKEY-DOKEY, SEE YOU THEN.
THIS IS SO UNFAIR.
I LIKED YOU BACK
WHEN YOU WERE A CYCLOPS.
THAT GUY'S ONLY INTERESTED
NOW THAT YOU HAVE TWO EYES.
- YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS.
- NO, I'M NOT!
OH, WAIT! I AM!
BUT MY POINT REMAINS VALID.
FRY, I JUST WANT TO TRY
DATING A NORMAL MAN,
WHO, IF YOU GO
SOMEWHERE WITH HIM,
NO ONE SAYS HE'S CRUMMY.
I THINK I DESERVE THAT
ONCE IN LIFE.
BE CAREFUL WITH THAT
ADLAI, LEELA. HE'S A DOCTOR.
THEY'RE VERY POOR.
ACTUALLY,
MOST DOCTORS ARE RICH.
WHAT?
WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN?
YOU'RE JOKING, RIGHT?
THAT'S NOT FUNNY!
OKAY, THEY GOT
EVERYTHING YOU NEED HERE.
BOOZE, A COUPLE
OF PEANUTS--
THEY GOT A CRAPPER IN THE BACK.
THAT'S ONE OF THE THINGS
YOU KIDS DO, RIGHT?
YEAH!
THEN KNOCK YOURSELF OUT.
[ Screaming, Laughing ]
HEY! HEY! ONLY EAT
AND DRINK ENOUGH TO BARELY
KEEP YOURSELVES ALIVE.
I'M TRYIN' TO MAKE
A PROFIT HERE.
DADDY, BETHANY'S
HITTING ME!
HERE.
[ Laughing ]
THESE KIDS YOURS?
YEAH.
OOH. I'M ATTRACTED TO
A MAN WITH RESPONSIBILITY.
THAT'S ME, BABY.
LET ME JUST DITCH
THE KIDS IN AN ALLEY,
AND WE CAN GO
HAVE SOME FUN.
[ Knocking ]
DADDY BENDER?
SON?
DADDY'S TRYIN' TO SCORE
WITH A CHEAP FLOOZY RIGHT NOW.
SO HE NEEDS YOU TO CRAM
A TINKERTOY IN IT.
I LOVE YOU, DADDY BENDER.
[ Laughing ]
HEY! WHAT THE HELL
ARE YOU DOIN'?
QUIT HUGGIN' ME.
I GUESS YOU'RE BUSY.
- I'LL CATCH YOU LATER.
- YOU MORONS! I DON'T KNOW
WHAT YOU'RE TRYIN' TO PULL,
BUT I GOT HALF A MIND TO HUG
EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU
AND SEE HOW YOU LIKE IT!
[ All ] YEA!
AW, COME ON!
[ Growling ]
I THOUGHT I'D TAKE YOU
SOMEPLACE ORDINARY.
A PLACE NO ONE
COULD OBJECT TO.
THAT SOUNDS WONDERFUL.
I'D LIKE AN
EXTRA-BEAUTIFUL BOUQUET, FOR
MY EXTRA-GORGEOUS SWEETHEART.
AVERAGE, PLEASE.
OH, ADLAI. I'VE HAD
A WONDERFUL TIME TODAY.
NO ONE'S STARED AT ME,
OR AVOIDED STARING AT ME,
OR TRIED TO BURN ME--
YOU MAKE ME FEEL
SO NOT WEIRD.
LEELA, YOU'RE 999,999
IN A MILLION.
[ Engine Whining,
Brakes Screeching ]
THANKS FOR COMIN' OUT
TO GET TO KNOW MY BOYFRIEND.
- ISN'T HE DREAMY?
- TOTALLY.
[ Munching Loudly ]
UH, LISTEN. I JUST WANT YOU
ALL TO KNOW, YOUR LEELA'S
ONE STANDARD LADY.
OH, ADLAI!
STOP.
WHAT'S SO WONDERFUL ABOUT
LEELA BEING NORMAL?
THE REST OF US AREN'T NORMAL,
AND THAT'S WHAT MAKES US GREAT.
LIKE DR. ZOIDBERG.
HE'S A WEIRD MONSTER WHO
SMELLS LIKE HE EATS GARBAGE,
AND DOES.
DAMN RIGHT!
AND THE PROFESSOR'S
A SENILE, AMORAL CRACKPOT.
OH, AY, EEH, AY.
HERMES IS
A RASTAFARIAN ACCOUNTANT.
TALLY ME BANANA!
AMY'S A KLUTZ FROM MARS.
- OOPS!
- AND FRY, YOU'VE GOT
THAT BRAIN THING!
I ALREADY DID. SO, LEELA,
DO YOU WANT TO BE LIKE US?
OR DO YOU WANT TO BE LIKE ADLAI,
WITH NO SEVERE MENTAL OR SOCIAL
PROBLEMS WHATSOEVER?
THAT'S THE DUMBEST QUESTION
I EVER HEARD.
- SHE'S RIGHT!
- NO DOUBT ABOUT IT!
- DAYLIGHT COME.
COMIN' THROUGH.
WATCH YOUR HEAD.
- HELP! I'M UNDER ATTACK!
- [ Disgusted Shouts ]
REMEMBER YOUR MANNERS, KIDS.
FORKS GO IN THE LEFT POCKET,
SPOONS IN THE RIGHT.
WHICH ONE OF YOU
CUTIE MUFFINS GETS
THE CHILDREN'S SPICY SQUAB?
ME!
AP-DAP-DAP-DAP!
WHAT DO WE SAY
WHEN SOMEONE GIVES
YOU SOMETHING?
'BOUT TIME!
THAT'S MY BOY!
AND HERE'S YOUR CHECK.
BAM!
[ Shocked Gasp ]
I GOTTA GO POOPY.
WELL, YOU SHOULDA GONE POOPY
BEFORE IT WAS TIME
TO RAT OUT ON THE CHECK!
COME ON! GO! GO!
THROUGH THE KITCHEN!
YOU LITTLE CROOKS!
IF I CATCH YOU,
I'M GONNA MAKE
CUTIE MUFFIN GUMBO!
[ Bender Laughing
Wickedly ]
YOU KNOW,
SEEING THAT STRANGE ROBOT
FORCE 12 CHILDREN
TO DO HIS BIDDING...
MAKES ME THINK ABOUT
KIDS OF OUR OWN.
US? ME? YOU?
KIDS?
THAT'S CORRECT.
IT'S TIME TO STOP LIVING
THIS VIDA BACHELOR LOCA.
- SETTLE DOWN AND HAVE KIDS.
- OH, ADLAI.
THIS IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL
MOMENT OF MY LIFE.
[ Zoidberg ]
WOO-WOO-WOO-
WOO-WOO-WOO!
[ All Screaming ]
DADDY BENDER, I WANT
A PIGGYBACK RIDE!
DADDY'S TIRED. LET'S JUST
HAVE ANOTHER DOG PILE ON FRY.
[ Fry Groaning,
Children Laughing ]
TELL US A STORY,
DADDY BENDER!
[ All Children ]
STORY, STORY, STORY!
ALL RIGHT, FINE.
GATHER AROUND.
[ All ] YEA!
WE WANNA HEAR
THIS ONE AGAIN.
[ Clearing Throat ]
"BENDER'S ARREST RECORD.
"BY THE POLICE.
"ON MARCH 3, AT 2:00 P.M.,
BENDER WAS CAUGHT
SHOPLIFTING."
YEAH. SHOW US
THE PICTURE.
[ Hysterical Laughing ]
[ Boy ]
OH, THERE HE IS.
OKAY, KIDS.
IT'S 9:00, AND YOU KNOW
WHAT THAT MEANS.
DADDY'S SICK O' LOOKIN' AT YA.
SO GO TO BED.
[ All ]
AWW!
THE GROWN-UPS HAVE TO TALK.
COME ON, MA.
[ Light Switch Clicks ]
NOW, TO FIGURE OUT
HOW MUCH MONEY I'M RAKIN' IN
OFF THOSE TWERPS. [ Chuckles ]
[ Muttering ]
OW!
I NEED A CALCULATOR.
YOU ARE A CALCULATOR.
I MEAN,
A GOOD CALCULATOR.
MINUS THE FOOD,
THE BUNNY RABBIT WALLPAPER--
[ Shocked Gasp ]
I'M GETTIN' A HUNDRED
BUCKS A KID,
- AND THEY'RE COSTIN' ME 110!
- UGH. THERE GOES MY NEW
KITCHEN CABINETS.
I'M NOT SITTIN' THROUGH
ONE MORE P.T.A. MEETING!
THE KIDS HAVE
GOT TO GO.
DADDY?
HOW DO I FLUSH YOU?
[ Stammering ]
JUST GO TO BED!
[ Flushing Sound ]
YOU KNOW, DOING
THIS JIGSAW PUZZLE OF
A PACIFIER FACTORY...
MAKES ME
WANT TO HAVE CHILDREN
WITH YOU ALL THE MORE.
ADLAI, I WAS THINKING.
SINCE WE'RE BOTH ORPHANS,
MAYBE WE SHOULD ADOPT A CHILD.
ADOPTION?
YES, THAT'S ACCEPTABLE.
HECK, IT'S MORE
THAN ACCEPTABLE, IT'S
ADEQUATELY SATISFACTORY.
HELLO? IMPERIAL DRAGON
RESTAURANT?
I'VE GOT A HERD OF
YOU-KNOW-WHATS FOR SALE.
LET ME CHECK.
OH, AREN'T YOU A CUTIE?
ABOUT 35 POUNDS.
[ Tapping Metal ]
WHAT?
- [ Yells Gibberish ]
- HI, BENDER. WE'D LIKE
TO ADOPT A CHILD.
WELL, YOU'VE COME
TO THE RIGHT PLACE.
BECAUSE
HONEST BENDER'S ORPHANARIUM
MEANS DISCOUNT ORPHANS.
NOW, LITTLE LADY, WHAT DO I
HAVE TO DO TO SEND YOU HOME
WITH 12 ORPHANS TODAY?
UH, I'M AFRAID
WE ONLY WANT ONE.
WHATEVER YOU SAY, CHIEF.
I'LL SHOW YOU
WHAT I GOT IN STOCK.
I REMEMBER THIS
FROM WHEN WE WERE KIDS.
THE WARDEN WOULD TROT YOU OUT
IN FRONT OF PROSPECTIVE PARENTS,
AND THEY'D JUDGE YOU
LIKE A PIECE OF MEAT.
- I'M ALBERT.
- KIND OF FATTY.
THEN HOW 'BOUT
THIS LITTLE NUMBER?
PUREBRED HUMAN.
- NO VAMPIRE IN THERE.
- UH-- MM--
- HMM. WELL, UH--
IF YOU'RE STRAPPED FOR CASH,
YOU MIGHT WANT TO CONSIDER
THIS IRREGULAR UNIT.
CURSED WITH A THIRD EAR,
BUT SO FULL OF THAT EMOTION...
I UNDERSTAND
IS CALLED "LOVE."
ONE TIME, I DID
A HUNDRED JUMP ROPES.
OH! I CAN'T DECIDE!
WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO
THINK ABOUT IT.
OKAY, KIDS.
GROWN-UPS GOTTA TALK NOW.
TIME FOR BED.
- BUT IT'S 10:00 IN THE MORNING!
- I SAID, HIT THE HAY!
[ Screaming, Laughing ]
[ Clicks ]
[ Leela ] OH, THEY'RE
ALL SO ADORABLE!
YEAH. YOU KNOW,
IT'S TIMES LIKE THIS,
I CAN HARDLY BEAR
TO LET THEM GO.
GOOD NIGHT,
YOU PRINCES OF MAINE!
YOU KINGS
OF NEW NEW ENGLAND!
YOU'RE UNDER ARREST
FOR CHILD CRUELTY,
CHILD ENDANGERMENT,
DEPRIVING CHILDREN OF FOOD,
SELLING CHILDREN AS FOOD
AND MISREPRESENTING
THE WEIGHT OF LIVESTOCK.
- [ Electrical Buzzing ]
- IF YOU HAD KIDS OF YOUR OWN,
YOU'D UNDERSTAND!
[ Buzzer Sounding ]
OFFICER, WOULD IT BE
ALL RIGHT IF WE ADOPTED
ONE OF THE KIDS?
MIGHT AS WELL.
THEY'RE JUST GONNA ROT
IN THE EVIDENCE LOCKER.
NICE EAR!
HA, HA, HA!
- HEY, THREE EARS!
- [ All Taunting ]
I'VE MADE UP MY MIND.
LET'S ADOPT HER.
HER? BUT THERE'S
PLENTY OF NORMAL ONES.
COME ON, ADLAI.
SHE COULD REALLY USE
A MOM AND DAD.
[ Children ]
EAR FACE! EAR FACE!
SALLY WON THE UGLY RACE!
ON THE OTHER HAND,
THE CHILDREN BRING UP
A GOOD POINT.
SHE DOES HAVE
AN EAR ON HER FACE.
WELL? SO WHAT?
SHE MAY BE DIFFERENT,
BUT SHE STILL DESERVES
A GOOD HOME.
OH, ALL RIGHT. IF YOU
REALLY WANT THAT ONE,
I CAN GIVE HER AN OPERATION
TO MAKE HER ACCEPTABLE.
SHE DOESN'T NEED AN OPERATION!
SHE'S FINE THE WAY SHE IS.
OH, AND I SUPPOSE
YOU WERE FINE
THE WAY YOU WERE?
- DAMN RIGHT I WAS!
- YEA!
SHUT UP, FRY.
NOW, LOOK, ADLAI.
I'M PROUD TO BE DIFFERENT.
AND I JUST WISH I'D REALIZED
THAT WHEN I WAS HER AGE.
I ALSO HAVE A TAIL!
NOW, TAKE ME TO THE HOSPITAL
AND PUT MY EYE BACK
THE WAY IT WAS. RIGHT NOW!
WHY SHOULD I DO THAT?
LISTEN, BUDDY.
BY THE END OF THE DAY,
ONE OF US IS GONNA
HAVE ONE EYE!
IN RECOGNITION OF
BENDER'S GENEROUS GIFT...
OF 12 ORPHANS AND A GOVERNMENT
CHECK FOR 1,200 WING-WANGS,
I HEREBY RENAME
THIS BUILDING...
THE BENDER B. RODRIGUEZ
ORPHANARIUM.
IT'S GOOD TO HAVE
THE OLD, WEIRD-LOOKING
LEELA BACK.
AW, YOU'RE
A TRUE FRIEND, FRY.
I GUESS THERE'S NOTHING WRONG
WITH BEING A LITTLE WEIRD.
LEELA, THERE'S NOTHING
WRONG WITH ANYTHING.
WE'LL MISS YOU, DADDY BENDER.
WE KNOW ROBOTS DON'T
HAVE EMOTIONS, BUT...
WE DRAWED YOU
THIS PICTURE.
SO IF YOU EVER MISS US,
EVEN JUST A TEENY BIT,
YOU CAN LOOK AT IT.
HEY, I SMOKE A CIGAR,
NOT A CANDY CANE. SHEESH!
[ Disappointed Groaning ]
[ Sighs ]
[ Children ]
YEA!
HEY, WHAT THE-- WHOA!
GET AWAY! COME ON.
I JUST GOT ALL
THE GUM OFF OF THERE.
HEY! HEY!
[ Stammering ]
I HATE YOU!
I HATE YOU ALL!
ONE, TWO. ONE, TWO, THREE!
SO I GAVE THE COOKIES
YOU MADE TO FAWN AND THE KIDS,
AND THEY COULDN'T BELIEVE IT!
THEY WERE DELICIOUS!
BUT I DIGRESS.
TREMBLE, PUNY EARTHLINGS!
ONE DAY MY RACE WILL
DESTROY YOU ALL.
[ Doorbell Ringing,
Footsteps Departing ]
COULD ONE OF YOU GUYS
GET THAT?
[ Baby Cooing ]
[ Gasping ]
IT'S A DOORBELL BABY!
HELLO, LITTLE GUY. YOU KNOW,
I WAS ABANDONED AS A BABY TOO.
SO--
GARBAGE, HUH?
I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT.
[ Blow Landing,
Bender Grunting ]
BENDER, STOP!
- IT'S A BABY!
- A BABY WHAT? OW!
OH, IT'S JUST A CARD!
FROM THE ORPHANARIUM
I GREW UP IN.
[ Recorded Baby Voice ]
OH! LEELA, YOU'RE INVITED
TO A REUNION...
AT COOKIEVILLE MINIMUM-SECURITY
ORPHANARIUM.
[ Woman's Recorded Voice ]
PLEASE STAND CLEAR OF
SELF-DESTRUCTING BASKET.
- [ Leela Whimpering ]
- A REUNION AT YOUR OLD
ORPHANARIUM, EH?
YOU GONNA GO?
NO WAY, JOSÉBOT.
I NEVER WANT TO SEE
THOSE OTHER ORPHANS AGAIN.
NOT AFTER THE WAY
THEY USED TO PICK ON ME.
[ Children Chanting ]
ONE EYE, ONE EYE, ONE EYE!
NICE DEPTH PERCEPTION,
ONE EYE!
[ Laughing ]
HOW CAN YOU
MAKE FUN OF ME, KIRK?
YOU'RE BLIND!
MY EYES MAY NOT WORK,
BUT AT LEAST I GOT TWO OF THEM.
[ Laughing ]
[ Sighs ]
OH.
AW, THAT'S TERRIBLE, LEELA.
BUT IMAGINE THE LOOK
ON THEIR FACES WHEN YOU
SHOW UP WITH TWO FRIENDS...
WHO EAT ALL THE HORS D'OEUVRES.
WELL.
I WOULDN'T MIND
RUBBING MY SUCCESS IN
A FEW CHOICE FACES.
SET A COURSE
FOR ADVENTURE!
[ Banging,
Whirring ]
[ Hooting ]
EW!
[ Bender ]
WHAT A DUMP!
[ Sighing ] OH!
JUST LIKE OLD TIMES.
GOSH.
THE BARS ON THE WINDOWS SEEMED
SO MUCH THICKER BACK THEN.
[ Clears Throat ]
MR. VOGEL?
- REMEMBER ME?
- LEELA!
YOU'RE WORTHLESS, AND NO ONE
WILL EVER LOVE YOU!
[ Laughing ]
YOU USED TO SAY THAT
ALL THE TIME.
AH! THOSE WERE
HAPPIER DAYS.
♪♪ [ Band ]
MM. THE "GRISTLE IN A BLANKET"
ISN'T HALF-BAD.
[ Swallowing ]
AND TRY ONE OF THESE POPSICLE
STICKS. THEY'VE ABSORBED
QUITE A BIT OF FLAVOR.
HEY, LOOK. IT'S OUR
OLD GROUP PICTURE.
I DON'T SEE YOU
ANYWHERE.
THAT'S ME,
OVER IN "COOTIE-TOWN."
WHOO! GET A LOAD OF
THIS AVERAGE-LOOKING GUY.
THAT'S ADLAI ATKINS.
I USED TO HAVE KIND OF
A CRUSH ON HIM.
[ Children ]
ONE EYE, ONE EYE!
STUPID AS A FRENCH GUY!
ONE EYE, ONE EYE,
ONE EYE, ONE EYE--
[ All Continue Chanting ]
[ Sighs Deeply ]
WELL, IT'S TIME TO SAY
HELLO TO THE OLD GANG.
[ Gulping ]
SO? WHAT YOU BEEN
UP TO SINCE YOU
LEFT THE ORPHANARIUM?
OH, LIVIN' IN A BOX,
FIGHTIN' THE SHAKES. YOU?
SELLIN' KIDNEYS, TEETH.
WHATEVER FALLS OUT OF ME.
AND WHAT AM I UP TO,
YOU ASK? WHY, I'M A VERY
SUCCESSFUL SPACE CAPTAIN.
OH!
WOW!
HOW NICE FOR YOU,
LEELA.
THAT'S SO GOOD...
FOR A PERSON
WITH ONE EYE.
HEY! YOU CAN'T FEEL
SORRY FOR ME.
I'M A SPACE CAPTAIN, AND
YOU'RE A BUNCH OF LOSERS.
UH, RIGHT. RIGHT.
WE'RE THE LOSERS.
[ Coughs ]
WELL, IF IT ISN'T
OLD ONE EYE.
[ Laughing ]
OH, YEAH? WELL,
SHUT UP, CANE BOY!
HE CAN'T HEAR YA.
HE'S DEAF NOW.
LEAVE LEELA ALONE.
SHE'S LEADING
A PERFECTLY NORMAL LIFE.
SHE'S NOT GUSSIED UP,
DUDED OUT, GETTING DOWN,
OR WHERE IT'S AT.
NOW, RUN ALONG.
THANKS, ADLAI. I GUESS
YOU NEVER REALLY OUTGROW
BEING AN EYEBALL--
- ODDBALL.
- NONSENSE, YOU'RE
A SPACE CAPTAIN.
- THAT'S A FINE,
CONVENTIONAL PROFESSION.
- WELL, YOU KNOW.
IT'S JUST FOR
A PACKAGE DELIVERY SERVICE.
AH-AH! A PACKAGE IS JUST
A BOX UNTIL IT'S DELIVERED.
HUH! I'D NEVER THOUGHT
OF IT THAT WAY.
SO WHAT DO YOU DO
THESE DAYS?
- OH, I'M A DOCTOR.
- A TALL DOCTOR, YOU SAY.
[ Gulping ]
[ Laughing ]
SIR? YOU SEEM
PRETTY STABLE.
HAVE YOU THOUGHT ABOUT
ADOPTING ONE OF OUR KIDS?
SURE HAVEN'T.
WELL, KEEP ADOPTION IN MIND.
IT'S A GREAT WAY TO HAVE A KID
WITHOUT HAVING SEX.
REALLY?
PLUS, THE GOVERNMENT
WILL HELP OUT WITH A SMALL
STIPEND OF $100 A WEEK!
A HUNDRED DOLLARS A WEEK!
[ Gulping, Spitting ]
I'M SO SORRY
I TEASED YOU BACK THEN.
LET ME MAKE IT UP TO YOU.
I CAN FIX IT SO NO ONE EVER
MAKES FUN OF YOU AGAIN.
YOU MEAN, BY BEATING THEM UP?
BECAUSE I'VE BROKEN THAT BLIND
KID'S NOSE, LIKE, TEN TIMES, AND
IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY DIFFERENCE.
NO, I SPECIALIZE
IN PHASER EYE SURGERY.
I CAN BUILD YOU A PARAFFIN
EYE AND GRAFT IT ON
WITH SKIN FROM YOUR FOOT.
IT WON'T BE ABLE TO SEE,
BUT YOU'LL LOOK LIKE
A PERFECTLY NORMAL...
TWO-EYED PERSON.
ME? PERFECTLY NORMAL?
HMM.
HMM!
[ Children Cheering ]
SONS, DAUGHTERS,
MEET UNCLE FRY.
HEY, WHY ARE THOSE KIDS
FOLLOWING YOU? DO YOU HAVE
CANDY STUCK TO YOUR ASS?
NO, IT'S CALLED "PARENTING."
COME ON, DUMPLINGS.
WE'VE GOT 12 GOVERNMENT
STIPENDS TO COLLECT!
YEA!
OUR DADDY'S A GIANT TOY!
PHASER EYE SURGERY
IS A CAPITAL IDEA.
I'M SURE LEELA'S
TIRED OF MORONS GAPING
AT HER EYE ALL THE TIME.
OH-H-H!
I THINK COSMETIC SURGERY'S
GREAT, LEELA.
I USED TO BE TOO CUTE,
SO I HAD CUTENESS
REDUCTION SURGERY.
HERE AND HERE.
YOU GUYS ARE CRAZY.
LEELA DOESN'T NEED SURGERY.
YOU LOOK GREAT
THE WAY YOU ARE.
OH, THAT'S SO SWEET, FRY.
BUT FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE,
I JUST WANT TO LOOK NORMAL.
BUT YOU'RE
BETTER THAN NORMAL.
YOU'RE ABNORMAL.
IF YOU ASK ME, YOU SHOULDN'T
CARE WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK.
YOU'RE RIGHT! I'LL START BY
NOT CARING WHAT YOU THINK.
I'M GETTING THE SURGERY!
THAT-A-GIRL!
RIGHT ON!
GOOD CALL.
WONDERFUL. AND WHILE YOU'RE
UNDER THE KNIFE,
YOU COULD ALSO GET
AN INK POUCH TO HELP YOU
ESCAPE YOUR ENEMIES.
THAT'S THE STUPIDEST
IDEA I'VE EVER HEARD,
YOU IMBECILE!
WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO--
NOW, WE'LL FIND OUT
IF THE OPERATION
WAS A SUCCESS!
HOLD ONTO YOUR HATS.
- [ Shocked Gasping ]
- OH! I'M SORRY.
THIS IS THE WRONG PATIENT.
[ Gasping ]
WHOOPS!
[ Squeaking ]
LEELA, THOSE EYES
LOOK SO GREAT ON YOU.
BAH! I THINK SHE LOOKED
FINE BEFORE.
[ All Disagreeing ]
WOW! LOOK AT ME!
ALTHOUGH I DON'T HAVE
THE HANG OF BLINKING YET.
YOU'LL GET IT. PERSONALLY,
I TRY NOT TO BLINK TOO MUCH,
BECAUSE IT SEEMS FLASHY.
BUT WHEN I DO, I ENJOY IT.
[ Gasping ]
OH! I DID IT!
I BLUNK!
AND JUST IN TIME
TO SCREW UP
THIS PICTURE I TOOK.
- HOORAY!
- ♪♪ [ "Pretty Woman" ]
♪ PRETTY WOMAN
WALKIN' DOWN THE STREET ♪
- ♪ PRETTY WOMAN ♪
- [ All ] OW! OW! OW!
♪ THE KIND I LIKE TO MEET
PRETTY WOMAN ♪
♪ I DON'T BELIEVE YOU
YOU'RE NOT THE TRUTH ♪
♪ NO ONE COULD LOOK
AS GOOD AS YOU ♪
♪ MERCY ♪
♪ OH, OH ♪
OH!
- ♪ PRETTY WOMAN ♪
- I'VE NEVER FELT
SO UNREMARKABLE!
TODAY, I ACTUALLY
BLENDED IN WITH A CROWD!
[ Laughs ]
[ Giggling, Chattering ]
KIDS, MEET THE JERKBAGS
I WORK WITH.
[ Together ]
HELLO, JERKBAGS!
OH! THEY'RE SO CUTE!
WHAT ARE THEIR NAMES?
- KIDS HAVE NAMES?
- MY NAME IS NINA,
AND HIS NAME'S ALBERT--
AND FROM NOW ON,
YOU'RE ALL NAMED
BENDER JUNIOR!
LOOKY HERE. MY FIRST
GOVERNMENT STIPEND CHECK.
TWELVE BABY HUMANS,
1,200 WING-WANGS.
DADDY BENDER,
WE'RE HUNGRY!
WHAT IS IT WITH YOU KIDS?
EVERY OTHER DAY,
IT'S FOOD, FOOD, FOOD!
OH, FINE. I'LL GET YOU
SOME STUPID FOOD.
COULD WE HAVE
BENDER BURGERS AGAIN?
NO! THE CAT SHELTER'S
ON TO ME.
HELLO, LEELA. I WAS AT
A NEARBY TAILOR, GETTING ONE OF
MY HAWAIIAN SHIRTS TONED DOWN,
SO I THOUGHT I'D DROP IN
FOR YOUR FOLLOW-UP EXAM.
[ Chuckling ]
OH! THAT'S SO
HANDSOME OF YOU.
JUST FOLLOW THE LIGHT
WITH YOUR EYES.
PERFECT! YOU KNOW, A GUY
COULD FALL HEAD OVER HEELS
FOR A GAL LIKE YOU.
AS FOR ME, I'M SOMEWHAT
INTERESTED MYSELF.
- WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?
- I'VE NEVER BEEN GOOD
WITH WORDS--
WHICH IS WHY I'M IN
SUCH A DELICATE CONUNDRUM.
- WILL YOU GO OUT WITH ME
THIS SUNDAY?
- SURE!
- [ Gasps ]
- I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE
TO SAY, SO I'LL JUST SAY IT.
OKEY-DOKEY, SEE YOU THEN.
THIS IS SO UNFAIR.
I LIKED YOU BACK
WHEN YOU WERE A CYCLOPS.
THAT GUY'S ONLY INTERESTED
NOW THAT YOU HAVE TWO EYES.
- YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS.
- NO, I'M NOT!
OH, WAIT! I AM!
BUT MY POINT REMAINS VALID.
FRY, I JUST WANT TO TRY
DATING A NORMAL MAN,
WHO, IF YOU GO
SOMEWHERE WITH HIM,
NO ONE SAYS HE'S CRUMMY.
I THINK I DESERVE THAT
ONCE IN LIFE.
BE CAREFUL WITH THAT
ADLAI, LEELA. HE'S A DOCTOR.
THEY'RE VERY POOR.
ACTUALLY,
MOST DOCTORS ARE RICH.
WHAT?
WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN?
YOU'RE JOKING, RIGHT?
THAT'S NOT FUNNY!
OKAY, THEY GOT
EVERYTHING YOU NEED HERE.
BOOZE, A COUPLE
OF PEANUTS--
THEY GOT A CRAPPER IN THE BACK.
THAT'S ONE OF THE THINGS
YOU KIDS DO, RIGHT?
YEAH!
THEN KNOCK YOURSELF OUT.
[ Screaming, Laughing ]
HEY! HEY! ONLY EAT
AND DRINK ENOUGH TO BARELY
KEEP YOURSELVES ALIVE.
I'M TRYIN' TO MAKE
A PROFIT HERE.
DADDY, BETHANY'S
HITTING ME!
HERE.
[ Laughing ]
THESE KIDS YOURS?
YEAH.
OOH. I'M ATTRACTED TO
A MAN WITH RESPONSIBILITY.
THAT'S ME, BABY.
LET ME JUST DITCH
THE KIDS IN AN ALLEY,
AND WE CAN GO
HAVE SOME FUN.
[ Knocking ]
DADDY BENDER?
SON?
DADDY'S TRYIN' TO SCORE
WITH A CHEAP FLOOZY RIGHT NOW.
SO HE NEEDS YOU TO CRAM
A TINKERTOY IN IT.
I LOVE YOU, DADDY BENDER.
[ Laughing ]
HEY! WHAT THE HELL
ARE YOU DOIN'?
QUIT HUGGIN' ME.
I GUESS YOU'RE BUSY.
- I'LL CATCH YOU LATER.
- YOU MORONS! I DON'T KNOW
WHAT YOU'RE TRYIN' TO PULL,
BUT I GOT HALF A MIND TO HUG
EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU
AND SEE HOW YOU LIKE IT!
[ All ] YEA!
AW, COME ON!
[ Growling ]
I THOUGHT I'D TAKE YOU
SOMEPLACE ORDINARY.
A PLACE NO ONE
COULD OBJECT TO.
THAT SOUNDS WONDERFUL.
I'D LIKE AN
EXTRA-BEAUTIFUL BOUQUET, FOR
MY EXTRA-GORGEOUS SWEETHEART.
AVERAGE, PLEASE.
OH, ADLAI. I'VE HAD
A WONDERFUL TIME TODAY.
NO ONE'S STARED AT ME,
OR AVOIDED STARING AT ME,
OR TRIED TO BURN ME--
YOU MAKE ME FEEL
SO NOT WEIRD.
LEELA, YOU'RE 999,999
IN A MILLION.
[ Engine Whining,
Brakes Screeching ]
THANKS FOR COMIN' OUT
TO GET TO KNOW MY BOYFRIEND.
- ISN'T HE DREAMY?
- TOTALLY.
[ Munching Loudly ]
UH, LISTEN. I JUST WANT YOU
ALL TO KNOW, YOUR LEELA'S
ONE STANDARD LADY.
OH, ADLAI!
STOP.
WHAT'S SO WONDERFUL ABOUT
LEELA BEING NORMAL?
THE REST OF US AREN'T NORMAL,
AND THAT'S WHAT MAKES US GREAT.
LIKE DR. ZOIDBERG.
HE'S A WEIRD MONSTER WHO
SMELLS LIKE HE EATS GARBAGE,
AND DOES.
DAMN RIGHT!
AND THE PROFESSOR'S
A SENILE, AMORAL CRACKPOT.
OH, AY, EEH, AY.
HERMES IS
A RASTAFARIAN ACCOUNTANT.
TALLY ME BANANA!
AMY'S A KLUTZ FROM MARS.
- OOPS!
- AND FRY, YOU'VE GOT
THAT BRAIN THING!
I ALREADY DID. SO, LEELA,
DO YOU WANT TO BE LIKE US?
OR DO YOU WANT TO BE LIKE ADLAI,
WITH NO SEVERE MENTAL OR SOCIAL
PROBLEMS WHATSOEVER?
THAT'S THE DUMBEST QUESTION
I EVER HEARD.
- SHE'S RIGHT!
- NO DOUBT ABOUT IT!
- DAYLIGHT COME.
COMIN' THROUGH.
WATCH YOUR HEAD.
- HELP! I'M UNDER ATTACK!
- [ Disgusted Shouts ]
REMEMBER YOUR MANNERS, KIDS.
FORKS GO IN THE LEFT POCKET,
SPOONS IN THE RIGHT.
WHICH ONE OF YOU
CUTIE MUFFINS GETS
THE CHILDREN'S SPICY SQUAB?
ME!
AP-DAP-DAP-DAP!
WHAT DO WE SAY
WHEN SOMEONE GIVES
YOU SOMETHING?
'BOUT TIME!
THAT'S MY BOY!
AND HERE'S YOUR CHECK.
BAM!
[ Shocked Gasp ]
I GOTTA GO POOPY.
WELL, YOU SHOULDA GONE POOPY
BEFORE IT WAS TIME
TO RAT OUT ON THE CHECK!
COME ON! GO! GO!
THROUGH THE KITCHEN!
YOU LITTLE CROOKS!
IF I CATCH YOU,
I'M GONNA MAKE
CUTIE MUFFIN GUMBO!
[ Bender Laughing
Wickedly ]
YOU KNOW,
SEEING THAT STRANGE ROBOT
FORCE 12 CHILDREN
TO DO HIS BIDDING...
MAKES ME THINK ABOUT
KIDS OF OUR OWN.
US? ME? YOU?
KIDS?
THAT'S CORRECT.
IT'S TIME TO STOP LIVING
THIS VIDA BACHELOR LOCA.
- SETTLE DOWN AND HAVE KIDS.
- OH, ADLAI.
THIS IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL
MOMENT OF MY LIFE.
[ Zoidberg ]
WOO-WOO-WOO-
WOO-WOO-WOO!
[ All Screaming ]
DADDY BENDER, I WANT
A PIGGYBACK RIDE!
DADDY'S TIRED. LET'S JUST
HAVE ANOTHER DOG PILE ON FRY.
[ Fry Groaning,
Children Laughing ]
TELL US A STORY,
DADDY BENDER!
[ All Children ]
STORY, STORY, STORY!
ALL RIGHT, FINE.
GATHER AROUND.
[ All ] YEA!
WE WANNA HEAR
THIS ONE AGAIN.
[ Clearing Throat ]
"BENDER'S ARREST RECORD.
"BY THE POLICE.
"ON MARCH 3, AT 2:00 P.M.,
BENDER WAS CAUGHT
SHOPLIFTING."
YEAH. SHOW US
THE PICTURE.
[ Hysterical Laughing ]
[ Boy ]
OH, THERE HE IS.
OKAY, KIDS.
IT'S 9:00, AND YOU KNOW
WHAT THAT MEANS.
DADDY'S SICK O' LOOKIN' AT YA.
SO GO TO BED.
[ All ]
AWW!
THE GROWN-UPS HAVE TO TALK.
COME ON, MA.
[ Light Switch Clicks ]
NOW, TO FIGURE OUT
HOW MUCH MONEY I'M RAKIN' IN
OFF THOSE TWERPS. [ Chuckles ]
[ Muttering ]
OW!
I NEED A CALCULATOR.
YOU ARE A CALCULATOR.
I MEAN,
A GOOD CALCULATOR.
MINUS THE FOOD,
THE BUNNY RABBIT WALLPAPER--
[ Shocked Gasp ]
I'M GETTIN' A HUNDRED
BUCKS A KID,
- AND THEY'RE COSTIN' ME 110!
- UGH. THERE GOES MY NEW
KITCHEN CABINETS.
I'M NOT SITTIN' THROUGH
ONE MORE P.T.A. MEETING!
THE KIDS HAVE
GOT TO GO.
DADDY?
HOW DO I FLUSH YOU?
[ Stammering ]
JUST GO TO BED!
[ Flushing Sound ]
YOU KNOW, DOING
THIS JIGSAW PUZZLE OF
A PACIFIER FACTORY...
MAKES ME
WANT TO HAVE CHILDREN
WITH YOU ALL THE MORE.
ADLAI, I WAS THINKING.
SINCE WE'RE BOTH ORPHANS,
MAYBE WE SHOULD ADOPT A CHILD.
ADOPTION?
YES, THAT'S ACCEPTABLE.
HECK, IT'S MORE
THAN ACCEPTABLE, IT'S
ADEQUATELY SATISFACTORY.
HELLO? IMPERIAL DRAGON
RESTAURANT?
I'VE GOT A HERD OF
YOU-KNOW-WHATS FOR SALE.
LET ME CHECK.
OH, AREN'T YOU A CUTIE?
ABOUT 35 POUNDS.
[ Tapping Metal ]
WHAT?
- [ Yells Gibberish ]
- HI, BENDER. WE'D LIKE
TO ADOPT A CHILD.
WELL, YOU'VE COME
TO THE RIGHT PLACE.
BECAUSE
HONEST BENDER'S ORPHANARIUM
MEANS DISCOUNT ORPHANS.
NOW, LITTLE LADY, WHAT DO I
HAVE TO DO TO SEND YOU HOME
WITH 12 ORPHANS TODAY?
UH, I'M AFRAID
WE ONLY WANT ONE.
WHATEVER YOU SAY, CHIEF.
I'LL SHOW YOU
WHAT I GOT IN STOCK.
I REMEMBER THIS
FROM WHEN WE WERE KIDS.
THE WARDEN WOULD TROT YOU OUT
IN FRONT OF PROSPECTIVE PARENTS,
AND THEY'D JUDGE YOU
LIKE A PIECE OF MEAT.
- I'M ALBERT.
- KIND OF FATTY.
THEN HOW 'BOUT
THIS LITTLE NUMBER?
PUREBRED HUMAN.
- NO VAMPIRE IN THERE.
- UH-- MM--
- HMM. WELL, UH--
IF YOU'RE STRAPPED FOR CASH,
YOU MIGHT WANT TO CONSIDER
THIS IRREGULAR UNIT.
CURSED WITH A THIRD EAR,
BUT SO FULL OF THAT EMOTION...
I UNDERSTAND
IS CALLED "LOVE."
ONE TIME, I DID
A HUNDRED JUMP ROPES.
OH! I CAN'T DECIDE!
WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO
THINK ABOUT IT.
OKAY, KIDS.
GROWN-UPS GOTTA TALK NOW.
TIME FOR BED.
- BUT IT'S 10:00 IN THE MORNING!
- I SAID, HIT THE HAY!
[ Screaming, Laughing ]
[ Clicks ]
[ Leela ] OH, THEY'RE
ALL SO ADORABLE!
YEAH. YOU KNOW,
IT'S TIMES LIKE THIS,
I CAN HARDLY BEAR
TO LET THEM GO.
GOOD NIGHT,
YOU PRINCES OF MAINE!
YOU KINGS
OF NEW NEW ENGLAND!
YOU'RE UNDER ARREST
FOR CHILD CRUELTY,
CHILD ENDANGERMENT,
DEPRIVING CHILDREN OF FOOD,
SELLING CHILDREN AS FOOD
AND MISREPRESENTING
THE WEIGHT OF LIVESTOCK.
- [ Electrical Buzzing ]
- IF YOU HAD KIDS OF YOUR OWN,
YOU'D UNDERSTAND!
[ Buzzer Sounding ]
OFFICER, WOULD IT BE
ALL RIGHT IF WE ADOPTED
ONE OF THE KIDS?
MIGHT AS WELL.
THEY'RE JUST GONNA ROT
IN THE EVIDENCE LOCKER.
NICE EAR!
HA, HA, HA!
- HEY, THREE EARS!
- [ All Taunting ]
I'VE MADE UP MY MIND.
LET'S ADOPT HER.
HER? BUT THERE'S
PLENTY OF NORMAL ONES.
COME ON, ADLAI.
SHE COULD REALLY USE
A MOM AND DAD.
[ Children ]
EAR FACE! EAR FACE!
SALLY WON THE UGLY RACE!
ON THE OTHER HAND,
THE CHILDREN BRING UP
A GOOD POINT.
SHE DOES HAVE
AN EAR ON HER FACE.
WELL? SO WHAT?
SHE MAY BE DIFFERENT,
BUT SHE STILL DESERVES
A GOOD HOME.
OH, ALL RIGHT. IF YOU
REALLY WANT THAT ONE,
I CAN GIVE HER AN OPERATION
TO MAKE HER ACCEPTABLE.
SHE DOESN'T NEED AN OPERATION!
SHE'S FINE THE WAY SHE IS.
OH, AND I SUPPOSE
YOU WERE FINE
THE WAY YOU WERE?
- DAMN RIGHT I WAS!
- YEA!
SHUT UP, FRY.
NOW, LOOK, ADLAI.
I'M PROUD TO BE DIFFERENT.
AND I JUST WISH I'D REALIZED
THAT WHEN I WAS HER AGE.
I ALSO HAVE A TAIL!
NOW, TAKE ME TO THE HOSPITAL
AND PUT MY EYE BACK
THE WAY IT WAS. RIGHT NOW!
WHY SHOULD I DO THAT?
LISTEN, BUDDY.
BY THE END OF THE DAY,
ONE OF US IS GONNA
HAVE ONE EYE!
IN RECOGNITION OF
BENDER'S GENEROUS GIFT...
OF 12 ORPHANS AND A GOVERNMENT
CHECK FOR 1,200 WING-WANGS,
I HEREBY RENAME
THIS BUILDING...
THE BENDER B. RODRIGUEZ
ORPHANARIUM.
IT'S GOOD TO HAVE
THE OLD, WEIRD-LOOKING
LEELA BACK.
AW, YOU'RE
A TRUE FRIEND, FRY.
I GUESS THERE'S NOTHING WRONG
WITH BEING A LITTLE WEIRD.
LEELA, THERE'S NOTHING
WRONG WITH ANYTHING.
WE'LL MISS YOU, DADDY BENDER.
WE KNOW ROBOTS DON'T
HAVE EMOTIONS, BUT...
WE DRAWED YOU
THIS PICTURE.
SO IF YOU EVER MISS US,
EVEN JUST A TEENY BIT,
YOU CAN LOOK AT IT.
HEY, I SMOKE A CIGAR,
NOT A CANDY CANE. SHEESH!
[ Disappointed Groaning ]
[ Sighs ]
[ Children ]
YEA!
HEY, WHAT THE-- WHOA!
GET AWAY! COME ON.
I JUST GOT ALL
THE GUM OFF OF THERE.
HEY! HEY!
[ Stammering ]
I HATE YOU!
I HATE YOU ALL!