Futurama (1999–2013): Season 3, Episode 11 - The Cyber House Rules - full transcript

[ Announcer ]
FUTURAMA IS BROUGHT
TO YOU BY:

THE ONLY TEETH STRONG ENOUGH
TO EAT OTHER TEETH.

[ Crunching ]

[ Man ]
ONE, TWO! ONE, TWO, THREE!

GOOD NEWS, EVERYONE.
TODAY MARKS OUR DEAR FRIEND...

DR. ZOIDBERG'S TENTH YEAR
WITH PLANET EXPRESS.

- HUZZAHS ARE IN ORDER!
- [ Lackadaisically ]
HUZZAH. HUZZAH.

HOORAY FOR ME!
HOORAY FOR ZOIDBERG!

I WILL NOW READ
THE MANDATORY SPEECH.

"DEAR EMPLOYEE:
HAS IT REALLY BEEN FIVE,
TEN OR 15 YEARS?

IF NOT, PLEASE DISREGARD THIS
AND GET BACK TO WORK."



DISTRIBUTE
TOKEN OF APPRECIATION
AND APPLAUD.

LOOK! COUPONS!

I CAN GET TWO OIL CHANGES
FOR THE PRICE OF ONE!

NOW IF I COULD
ONLY AFFORD THE ONE.

AND THE CAR.
AH, THE YEARS.

SO MANY MEMORIES.

SO MANY STRANGE FLUIDS GUSHING
OUT OF PATIENTS' BODIES.

YES, YES. NOW HERE'S
YOUR PENSION STATEMENT.

IT'S EMPTY BECAUSE YOU HAVEN'T
PAID INTO IT, YOU DUMB STINKBUG!

[ Sobs ]
YOU KEPT TRACK OF IT
ALL THESE YEARS.

- [ Hermes Grunts ]
- OH, NO! I'M BONED!

I HAVEN'T PAID INTO
THE PENSION, EITHER.

- WHAT'LL I DO WHEN I RETIRE?
- I THOUGHT YOU WERE RETIRED.

HEY, I DON'T SEE YOU
PLANNING FOR YOUR OLD AGE.



I GOT PLANS.
I'M GONNA TURN MY
ON/OFF SWITCH TO OFF.

WELL, I'M GONNA TAKE ACTION.
IT'S TIME TO CHECK ON
MY RETIREMENT FUND.

DAMN. STILL ONLY
A HUNDRED DOLLARS.

A PENNY SAVED
IS A PENNY EARNED.

ALSO, COULD YOU GET
SOME ATHLETE'S FOOT CREAM
FOR MY FACE?

HE'S RIGHT. I'VE GOT TO START
INVESTING WISELY.

WELL, DOWN TO
MY LAST LOTTERY TICKET.

[ Sniffs ]
CHERRY.

[ Sniffs ]
CHERRY!

[ Sniffs ]
MULE. CRUD!

SO, YOU GOT SIX BUCKS
LEFT TO RETIRE ON.

I RECOMMEND
TENDER VITTLES.

[ Woman ] YOU'RE
OPENING A RETIREMENT ACCOUNT
FOR SIX DOLLARS?

I'M SURE A WEALTHY--
[ Sniffs ]-- MULE FARMER
LIKE YOURSELF...

IS AWARE THAT WE CHARGE
A TEN DOLLAR MONTHLY FEE.

- YOU GOTTA SPEND MONEY
TO MAKE MONEY.
- [ Clicking, Beeping ]

HERE YOU ARE, SIR.
YOUR ACCOUNT IS NOW OVERDRAWN
BY FOUR DOLLARS.

GEEZ.
I'VE SEEN LINES MOVE FASTER
IN THE SPERM BANK.

THAT'S FOR SU--
ROBERTO, IS THAT YOU?
BENDER! HEY, MAN!

[ Banging ]
[ Both Laughing ]

[ Squeaking ]
[ Stammering, Laughing ]

YOU OLD LUNATIC!
HOW YA BEEN?

AH, NOT BAD. NOT BAD.
EVERYBODY ON THE FLOOR!
[ Screaming ]

- THIS IS A STICKUP!
- [ Screaming ]
- AHHH!

YEAH, I'M DOIN' OKAY TOO.
I'M TAKIN' A CHINESE COOKING
CLASS AT THE LEARNING ANNEX.

COOL. C-CAN YOU
GIVE ME A HAND HERE?

SURE THING, PAL.
[ Rustling ]

HEY, YOU! RED!
QUIT WATERIN' THAT PLANT
AND GET THE DOOR!

- [ Gasping ]
- [ Woman Cries Out ]

WELL, NICE TALKIN' TO YA.
SAME HERE.
YOU GUYS ARE ALL RIGHT.

- HERE'S SOMETHIN'
FOR YOUR TROUBLE.
- HEY, THANKS, BUDDY!

- [ Sirens Warbling ]
- [ Grunting ]

- FREEZE, PUNKS!
YOU'RE UNDER ARREST!
- SHOOT 'EM IN THE BACK!

QUICK,
WHILE THEY'RE NOT LOOKING!
[ Buzzing ]

COURT IS IN SESSION.
THE HONORABLE
JUDGE WHITEY PRESIDING.

THE CHARGE IS BANK ROBBERY.

NOW, MY CADDY'S CHAUFFEUR
INFORMS ME THAT...

A BANK IS A PLACE
WHERE PEOPLE PUT MONEY
THAT ISN'T PROPERLY INVESTED.

THEREFORE, ROBBING A BANK
IS TANTAMOUNT TO THAT MOST
HEINOUS OF CRIMES--

THEFT OF MONEY.

AS THE "SURVEILLIANCE"
CAMERA FOR THAT BANK...

WHAT ALL THE JUDGE
WAS A-JAWIN' ABOUT,

COULD Y'ALL TELL US
WHAT YOU DONE SEEN
THE DAY OF THE CRIME?

WELL, LET'S SEE.
MY MEMORY'S A LITTLE FUZZY,

BUT IT WENT
EXACTLY LIKE THIS.
[ Whirring ]

- [ Fry Gasps ]
- [ All Gasping ]

YOUR HONOR, I MOVE
THAT I BE DISBARRED...

FOR INTRODUCIN'
THIS EVIDENCE AGAINST
MY OWN CLIENTS.

MR. FRY, DO YOU RECOGNIZE
THE ROBOT A-HUGGIN' ON YOU
IN THIS HERE HOLOGRAM?

I SURE DO!
THAT'S THE REAL ROBBER!

AND I'LL NEVER FORGET
HIS NAME AS LONG AS I LIVE.

AND THAT NAME IS--
[ Gasps ]

[ Gags, Coughing ]

FRY, JUST GIVE A NAME!
YOU DON'T WANT TO LOOK STUPID
ON COURT TV!

YOU'RE RIGHT.
YOU'RE RIGHT.
IT WAS--

[ Cell Phone Ringing ]
YES? WHAT?

YOU SAY IF I TESTIFY
I'LL BE KILLED?

OH, IT'S FOR YOU.

AND THE OTHER HAMBURGER
WILL ALSO BE MADE OF YOUR LUNGS.

- SO LONG, PAL.
- [ Gulps ]

I REFUSE TO TESTIFY
ON THE GROUNDS THAT MY ORGANS
WILL BE CHOPPED UP INTO A PATTY.

AH, THE 67th AMENDMENT.

I MAY BE A SIMPLE
COUNTRY HYPER-CHICKEN,

BUT I KNOW WHEN
WE'RE FINGER-LICKED.

WHAT DO YOU SAY
WE PLEAD INSANITY?

A FEW MONTHS
IN AN INSANE ASYLUM? I COULD
DO THAT STANDIN' ON MY HEAD.

IF YOU START NOW,
IT MIGHT HELP OUR CASE.

COUNSELOR,
WHAT EVIDENCE DO YOU OFFER...
[ Clucking ]

TO SUPPORT THIS NEW PLEA
OF INSANITY?

WELL, FOR ONE,
THEY DONE HIRED ME
TO REPRESENT THEM.

INSANITY PLEA IS ACCEPTED.

MR. BENDER?
I HEREBY COMMIT YOU...

TO THE ASYLUM FOR
CRIMINALLY INSANE ROBOTS...

UNTIL SUCH TIME
AS YOU ARE DEEMED CURED.

YAHOO!
THE SYSTEM FAILS AGAIN!

AND MR. FRY,
I SENTENCE YOU...

TO THE HOME FOR
CRIMINALLY INSANE HUMANS.

YOUR HONOR,
THAT FACILITY
HAS BEEN FULL...

EVER SINCE YOU RULED
THAT BEING POOR
IS A MENTAL ILLNESS.

ORDER! ORDER!
THE ONLY POOR PEOPLE
I WANT TO HEAR ABOUT...

ARE THE PEOPLE
WHO TEND TO MY PORES
AT THE SPA.

JUST SEND THEM BOTH
TO THE ROBOT LOONY BIN
AND LET'S GO.

[ Both Grunt ]

[ Whimpering ]
[ Protesting ]

HUH?

[ Fry ]
OW, MY HEAD! OW, MY FEET!
OW, MY HEAD! OW, MY FEET!

KEEP YOUR CHIN UP.
[ Fry ]
OW, MY CHIN!

[ Chirping ]

[ Conveyor Belt Droning ]

I DON'T BELONG HERE, BENDER.
THIS IS AN ASYLUM
FOR INSANE ROBOTS.

WELL, YOU MEET
HALF THE QUALIFICATIONS.
[ Laughs ]

OH, GOOD!
A PHYSICAL!

ONCE THEY EXAMINE
MY FRAGILE, NAKED, PINK BODY,

THEY'LL SEE
I'M NOT A-- WHOA--

[ Fry Screaming ]
[ Metal Rattling ]

[ Machinery Whirring ]

WHEEE!
[ Giggles ]

OOH! AHH!
OOH! WAH! AHHH!

♪♪ [ Scat Singing ]

[ Whirring ]
[ Screams ]

♪♪ [ Scat Singing ]
[ Bat Squeaking ]

WHAT THE--
[ Belch ]

[ Bender ]
I FIND THAT OFFENSIVE!

[ Yelling, Grunt,
Agonized Groan ]

GREETINGS.
I AM DR. PERCEPTRON.

LET ME GIVE YOU SOMETHING
TO HELP YOU RELAX.
[ Beep ]

- YAH-AHH!
- LOOK, THERE'S BEEN
A TERRIBLE MISTAKE.

I'M A HUMAN BEING. SEE?
I'M ALL SQUISHY AND FLABBY.

- ALSO, I COMPLAIN A LOT.
- YES, YOU DO.

YOU NEED TO RELAX MORE.
[ Screams ]
WOW!

TERRIFIC.
NOW CONSIDER
THE FOLLOWING.

YOU WERE ADMITTED
TO THIS ROBOT ASYLUM.

THEREFORE,
YOU MUST BE A ROBOT.
DIAGNOSIS COMPLETE.

I DO OTHER HUMAN STUFF!
I AGE. SEE?

[ Door Opens ]

I'M NURSE RATCHET.
PLEASE COME WITH ME,
WON'T YOU?

- [ Grunts ]
- [ Ratcheting ]

WE'LL MEET YOUR ROOMMATE
NEXT, SHALL WE?

- HIS NAME IS
MALFUNCTIONING EDDIE.
- THE CAR DEALER?

WOW. I GUESS HIS PRICES
REALLY WERE INSANE.

HE'S VERY EXCITABLE.
SO DON'T SAY ANYTHING
TO SURPRISE HIM.

[ Rattling ]

PLEASED TO MEET YOU.
ACTUALLY,
WE'VE MET ONCE BEFORE.

WHAT?

I'M A PRETTY GIRL.
I'M A PRETTY GIRL.

I'M A PRETTY GIRL.

WH-WHOA!
SOMEONE HAD A BUSY DAY!

MY ROOMMATE EXPLODED.
OH, YOU GOTTA HELP ME,
BENDER.

HOW CAN I PROVE I'M HUMAN?
YOU COULD DROP DEAD.
THAT'D SHOW 'EM.

I DON'T WANNA!
HEY, MAN! I BELIEVE
YOU'RE A HUMAN.

YOU DO?
SURE. THEY DON'T BELIEVE
I'M A HUMAN EITHER.

NAME'S UNIT 2013.
COME ON. LET ME
INTRODUCE YOU AROUND.

FRY, MEET NORM.
HOW'S IT GOIN', PAL?

STILL PICKIN' UP TRANSMISSIONS
FROM THE C.I.A. ON YOUR TEETH?

THEY JUST WON'T STOP!

[ Woman ] THE C.I.A.
CAFETERIA MENU FOR THE WEEK
OF MAY 15 IS AS FOLLOWS.

MONDAY,
SHEPHERD'S PIE.

TUES--
CUCKOO.

LET ME GUESS.
HE THINKS HE'S LINCOLN?

WELL, HE'S SUPPOSED TO.
THE PROBLEM IS,

HE'S GOT MULTIPLE
PERSONALITIES--
ALL OF 'EM LINCOLN.

[ Buzzing, Whirring ] I WAS
BORN IN TWO HUNDRED LOG CABINS.

AND THIS HERE IS FRANKIE.

HE'S CONVINCED HE'S A LUNCHROOM
WORKER. SO THEY PUT HIM TO WORK
IN THE LUNCHROOM.

HOW IS WORKIN'
THE LUNCHROOM, FRANKIE?

- IT'S ALL RIGHT.
- POOR FRANKIE.

[ Whirring ]

CHANGE PLACES!

[ Clattering ]
[ Grunting ]

BENDER, I CAN'T TAKE
MUCH MORE OF THIS.

- I WANT OUTTA HERE!
- ARE YOU CRAZY?
THIS PLACE IS GREAT.

ELECTROSHOCK
WHENEVER YOU WANT IT.
TWO LINCOLNS FOR EVERY NAPOLEON.

[ Loud Slurp ]
AHHH!

SWEET LIGHT CRUDE.

BUT I'M NOT A ROBOT LIKE YOU!
I DON'T LIKE HAVING DISKS
CRAMMED INTO ME.

UNLESS THEY'RE OREOS.
AND THEN ONLY IN THE MOUTH.

DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?
I'M GONNA DIE HERE.

AH, QUIT YOUR BELLY-ACHIN'
AND TAKE IT LIKE A ROBOT.

[ Frustrated Growl ]

[ Mad Hatter ]
CHANGE PLACES!

[ Grunting ]

THE DOCTOR SAYS
YOU ARE MAKING GREAT STRIDES
WITH YOUR EXPLODING PROBLEM.

WELL, THE WAY I SEE IT--

YOU GOTTA GET ME OUTTA HERE.
I WOULD HAVE
STARVED TO DEATH...

IF NOT FOR THAT SICK
VENDING MACHINE ROBOT.

[ Coughing ]

GIMME! GIMME!
[ Blubbering ]

POOR FRY.
HE'S GOT THE MUNCHIES
FOR FREEDOM.

WE'RE ALL TRYING TO HELP YOU.
WE'VE PETITIONED THE GOVERNOR.

BUT HE DOESN'T WANT
TO APPEAR SOFT ON PEOPLE
WHO'VE BEEN FALSELY IMPRISONED.

[ Groans ] AT LEAST
I HAVE FRIENDS ON THE OUTSIDE.
BENDER'S BEEN NO HELP AT ALL.

[ Speaks French ]
JE SUIS NAPOLEON!

[ Chuckles ]
NOW, SERIOUSLY, I'M NOT.

BENDER, YOU SHOULD BE MORE
ASHAMED OF YOURSELF THAN USUAL.

AH, LIGHTEN UP, HONEY.
I'M JUST TRYIN' TO GET THROUGH
A DIFFICULT TIME USING HUMOR.

VISITING HOURS ARE OVER.
TIME FOR OUR MEDICATION DISKS.

HELP ME!
FOR GOD'S SAKE,
HELP ME!

OH, DON'T WORRY, FRY.

I, TOO, ONCE SPENT
A NIGHTMARISH TIME
IN A ROBOT ASYLUM.

BUT NOW,
IT'S NEARLY OVER.
SO LONG.

[ Crickets Chirping Madly ]

THIRTY DAYS HATH SEPTEMBER,
APRIL, JUNE-- AND NO WONDER
ALL THE REST HAVE PEANUT BUTTER.

- WHAT AM I GONNA DO?
- [ Whirring ]

OH, GOD! WHAT? WHAT?
WHAT IS IT NOW?

- YOU ARE BEING RELEASED.
- FINALLY! SWEET JUSTICE!

- SWEET, JUICY JUSTICE!
- NOT YOU. HIM.

ME? WHAT A SURPRISE!

LOOK!
I BARELY EXPLODED AT ALL.

WE CAN CONTROL THAT
WITH MEDICATION.

FRY? ARE WE READY
TO MEET OUR NEW ROOMMATE?

[ Bumping, Creaking ]

- [ Gasps ]
- HI, RED!

ROBERTO?
WH-WH-WH-WHAT ARE YOU
DOING HERE?

I GOT BUSTED ROBBIN'
THAT BANK AGAIN.

WHY WOULD YOU HOLD UP
THE SAME BANK TWICE?

AH, THAT FIRST TIME
WAS JUST TO CASE THE JOINT
AND ROB IT A LITTLE.

WHAT'S THE MATTER?
YOU SCARED?

[ Stammering ]
N-N-- N-N-N-N--
NOTICEABLY? I'LL SAY.

NOW, STAND BACK.
I GOTTA PRACTICE
MY STABBIN'.

HA-HAA!
HA-HA-HA. HA-HAA!
NO! PLEASE! HELP!

STOP IT! POLICE!
[ Pounding ]

HEY, KEEP IT DOWN IN THERE!
I'M TUNIN' MY BANJO!

- ♪♪ [ Plucking Strings ]
- GEEZ, RED. QUIT COWERIN'.

YOU CALL YOURSELF
A ROBOT?

[ Howling Yells ]

I'M NOT A ROBOT!
I'M NOT A ROBOT!

[ Screams ]

IN ANSWER
TO YOUR QUESTION,
HERMES.

YES, YOUR FRIEND
IS CURED.

[ All Exclaiming ]

[ Perceptron ]
YOU'LL NOTICE HE NO LONGER
SUFFERS DELUSIONS OF HUMANITY.

AFFIRMATIVE.
I FEEL NOTHING.
I AM A ROBOT.

BEEP, BEEP,
BEEP, BEEP, BEEP--
[ Dismayed Gasping ]

YOU'VE MADE A TERRIBLE MISTAKE.
HE'S A HUMAN BEING,
NOT A MACHINE!

OH, FRY!
[ Beeping Quickens ]

♪♪ [ Banjo ]
♪ GONNA SING A LITTLE TALE ABOUT
A BATTLE CALLED WATERLOO ♪♪

BONJOUR, Y'ALL!

LISTEN TO ME, FRY. JUST BECAUSE
YOU THINK YOU'RE A ROBOT,
DOESN'T MAKE YOU A ROBOT.

AFTER ALL, I THINK
I'M A DOCTOR, BUT THAT
DOESN'T MAKE ME A DOCTOR.

- THESE FANCY CLOTHES DO.
- NEGATIVE. I MUST BE A ROBOT.

WHY ELSE WOULD HUMAN WOMEN
REFUSE TO DATE ME?
OH, LOTS OF REASONS.

BIO-UNITS,
TERMINATE NOISE EXCHANGE.

IT IS TIME FOR YOU TO INGEST
SANDWICHES FROM MY COMPARTMENT.

[ Disgusted Groans ]

HERE WE GO.
JUST A MINUTE. AHA!

[ Announcer ]
AND DOWN THE STRETCH,
IT'S DADDY'S LITTLE GRANDPA,

FOLLOWED BY PERENNIAL LOSER
AND BRINGING UP THE REAR,
IT'S LASTY!

COME ON, LASTY!
HEY, BENDER.

DUH, ROBERTO!
OOH, WHAT A SURPRISE
TO SEE YOU IN HERE!

ESPECIALLY 'CAUSE
I DIDN'T SQUEAL ON YA,
REMEMBER?

REMEMBER ALL THAT
SQUEALIN' I DIDN'T DO?
REMEMBER? DO YA?

YEAH. YEAH.
NOW LIE DOWN AND PLAY DEAD.

AND DON'T HAM IT UP.
UH, SURE.
ANYTHING FOR YOU, BUDDY.

[ Chuckles ]
OOH.
[ Flap Whirs ]

WAIT HERE, BENDER.
I NEED TO GET A DISGUISE.

[ Banging, Crashing ]
[ Howling Yell ]

[ Flap Whirs ]
UH, WHAT'S
WITH THE GETUP?

I'M IN DISGUISE
'CAUSE I'M THINKIN'
OF ESCAPIN'.

YOU IN? OR DO I GOTTA
KILL YA SO YA DON'T SQUEAL?

I'M IN! I'M IN!
[ Nervous Chuckle ]

- SO, WHEN WERE YOU
PLANNIN' THE BREAKOUT?
- I'M THINKIN'...

MAYBE A FEW SECONDS AGO.
[ Siren Blaring ]

QUICK!
LET'S KEEP ESCAPING!
[ Grunting ]

- [ Both Grunting ]
- [ Barking ]

[ Sniffing, Growling ]

[ Grunting, Panting ]

[ Both Yelling ]

TIMES TWO,
CARRY THE ONE.

OH, YOU SAD,
WORTHLESS HUMAN.
OHH!

SACRED HOG OF PRAGUE!
THAT WAS MY ANNIVERSARY GIFT
TO LA BARBRA.

FEAR NOT.
FOR I SHALL ASSIST YE!

ROBOTS DON'T SAY "YE."
RELAX, MAMMAL!

MY ROBOTIC SOFTWARE
SHALL MEET YOUR
CALCULATORY NEEDS.

WHAT IS THE MEANING
OF THIS SYMBOL?

THAT'S A PLUS SIGN,
YOU POINTY-HEAD LOONY!

QUIT THINKIN'
YOU'RE A ROBOT!

- I'LL SHOW YE.
- [ Rattling ]

[ Straining ]

STAND BACK!
I'M A TOOLBOT.

[ Straining ]

[ Straining ]

YOU'RE NOT A TOOLBOT.
YOU'RE NOT A FOOD-MOTRON.

YOU'RE NOT A ROBOT
OF ANY KIND.

YES, I AM.
I SIMPLY HAVEN'T DISCOVERED
MY PRIMARY FUNCTION YET.

- [ Grunts ]
- OKAY. THIS HAS GOT TO STOP.

I'M GOING TO REMIND FRY
OF HIS HUMANITY...

THE WAY
ONLY A WOMAN CAN.

YOU'RE GOING
TO DO HIS LAUNDRY?

FRY,
THIS IS FOR YOU.

MMM. MMM.

MMMMMM. MWUH!

BEEP.
OH, FOR GOD'S SAKE!

[ Gulping, Sighs ]

BY A SCALLOP'S FORELOCKS.
WHAT'S WITH ALL THE BEER, FRY?

ALCOHOL
FUELS MY POWER CELLS.

AND AS A MIGHTY ROBOT, I--
[ Belches ]

[ Bottles Clattering ]
BEEP.
[ Snoring ]

THANKS FOR HELPIN'
ME ESCAPE, BENDER.
AH, IT WAS NOTHIN'.

IT WAS NOT NOTHIN'!
I WANT TO REPAY YOU.

LET ME GET YOU
SOMETHIN' IN HERE.

HANDS UP! THIS IS
A STICKUP AGAIN!
[ People Gasping ]

WOW!
HITTING THE SAME PLACE
THREE TIMES?

I ADMIRE YOUR STYLE,
ROBERTO.

GIVE ME THE REMAININ' DOUGH
AND ALL THE CALENDARS.
AND THAT PEN!

TRY TO TEAR IT
SO MOST OF THE BEADS
ARE ON MY END!

[ Guns Cocking ]
POLICE!
YOU'RE BUSTED!

AND DON'T TRY ANYTHING.
THIS GLASS HERE IS LASER-PROOF.

[ Martial Arts Yell ]
FIRE LASERS!

- DUCK LASERS!
- [ Bellowing ]

COME ON! I GOT A PLACE
WHERE I LIKE TO HIDE
AFTER CRIMES.

[ Snoring ]
AW, HE LOOKS LIKE A LITTLE
INSANE DRUNKEN ANGEL.

[ Hydraulic Door Hissing ]

[ Panting ]
HEY, EVERYBODY.
MEET MY GOOD PAL, ROBERTO.

- HEY, MON.
- NICE TO MEET YOU--

[ Man On Bullhorn ]
COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP!
HOSTAGES!

[ Sirens Blaring ]

- [ Brakes Screeching ]
- BACK OFF! I GOT HOSTAGES!

- HOORAY! I'M HELPING.
- DO YOU HAVE
ANY BETTER HOSTAGES?

TO SHOW THEM WHO'S CRAZY,
I'LL EXECUTE SOME OF YOU.

HOW ABOUT YOU?
OUCH!

THAT'S GOING TO BLEED
WHEN MY HEART BEATS.

WAIT! TAKE ME FIRST!

- YES! TAKE HER FIRST!
- SHUT UP!

- STOP TELLIN' ME
HOW TO DO THIS!
- [ Sirens Blaring ]

[ Frightened Chatter ]
[ Zoidberg ]
OH, THE FEAR.

I'M THINKIN' OF A NUMBER
BETWEEN ONE AND TEN.

GUESS IT,
AND YOU DIE FIRST.
GO!

UM, OKAY.

FIFTY-- SIX-- ISH?

FIFTY-SIX?
FIFTY-SIX?

OH, MAN! NOW THAT'S
ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT!

I'M GONNA KILL YOU, YOU--
YOU NO GOOD FIFTY-SIX-ING--

- [ Howling ]
- [ Blubbering ]

DON'T KILL ME YET!
I'M STARTIN' TO COME DOWN
WITH STOCKHOLM SYNDROME,

HANDSOME.

HALT, FELLOW ROBOT!

HEY, RED!
YOU'RE JUST IN TIME TO JOIN
THE HOSTAGE SITUATION.

WHICH SIDE
DO YOU WANT TO BE ON?

THE SIDE THAT KICKS
YOUR TWISTED METAL ASS.

FRY! STAY BACK!
HE'S TOO POWERFUL!

NEGATIVE,
BOSSY MEAT CREATURE.

I KNOW NOW WHAT
MY PRIMARY FUNCTION IS.

I AM A BATTLE-DROID,
SWORN TO PROTECT THE WEAK
FROM CRAZY ROBOTS.

I'M NOT CRAZY!
DON'T CALL ME CRAZY!

- I-I'M JUST NOT USER-FRIENDLY.
- FRY, DON'T BE A HERO!

IT'S NOT COVERED
BY THE HEALTH PLAN!

LET'S SEE HOW MUCH
OF A ROBOT YOU REALLY ARE--

[ Martial Arts Yell ]
[ Squishes ]

[ Collective Gasp ]

[ Metal Crackling ]

NO KNIFE CAN PENETRATE
MY SKIN-TANIUM ARMOR.

[ Imitates Robotic Drone ]

HE-- HELP! HELP!
HE IS A BATTLE-DROID!

[ Droning Continues ]
SOMEBODY HELP ME!

[ Stammering ]
MOMMY!

I'M SORRY I SPILLED
THE TRANSMISSION FLUID,
MOMMY.

NO, NO! DON'T WELD ME
TO THE WALL, MOMMY!

- [ Grunts ]
- [ Droning ]

[ Whimpering ]

[ Screaming ]

[ Whimpering ]

[ Clinking ]
WE'RE WILLING TO LISTEN
TO YOUR DEMANDS.

HEY, BABY. WASH THAT OFF
BEFORE YOU PUT IT BACK.

[ Hostages ]
HOORAY!
[ Zoidberg ] BRAVO!

YOU DID IT, FRY.
CONGRATULATIONS, BUDDY.

YOU'RE A CREDIT
TO MY RACE.

IT WAS NOTHING. I--
[ Screams ]

BLOOD?
ROBOTS DON'T HAVE BLOOD.

- I MUST BE A-- A--
- A SQUID?

A HUMAN!
OH, MY GOD!

I'M A HUMAN!
ALSO GOOD.

THANKS
FOR SAVING US, FRY.

[ Kiss ]
I'M GONNA CONTINUE
NEVER WASHING THIS CHEEK AGAIN.

BUDDY,
YOU MAY BE WRAPPED
IN GREASY SKIN,

BUT INSIDE YOU'VE GOT
THE HEART OF A ROBOT.

AW,
THANKS, BENDER.
JUST LIKE INSIDE ME,

I'VE GOT THE HEART
OF A HUMAN.

[ Disgusted Groans ]
WHAT?

[ Bender ]
WHAT?