Fuller House (2016–…): Season 3, Episode 6 - M-m-m-My Ramona - full transcript

Can I get my eggs scrambled,
with bell peppers?

Not red ones, just the orange ones.

Ooh! And chopped scallions
and Jack cheese

sprinkled on top, not melted inside.

Just a hard-boiled egg for me.

The key with this cook
is to keep it simple.

You know this isn't actually
a restaurant, right?

Yeah, I think my Yelp
review made that clear.

Guys, you won't believe
what just happened.

A bird flew into the window, and
he dropped right at my feet.

I thought he was dead, but then I
heard a little, "Cheep, cheep."



Which I'm pretty sure
is bird for, "Help me."

So, here, Mom.

Cheep, cheep.

OK. Let Dr. Fuller have a look-see.

Doesn't look like anything's broken.

I think he was just stunned.

I'm so proud of you for finding
a shoe box and helping him.

Although I wish you had taken
my new Jimmy Choos out first.

What a cute little fella.

I'm gonna name you Jasper,

and train you to sit on my shoulder.

And we'll go everywhere together,

and tell each other secrets,
and be best friends forever.

Darn it.



I came on too strong again, didn't I?

Jackson, I love that you
rescued that little guy.

That's the kind of thing that
I did when I was your age.

Now I'm one of San
Francisco's hottest vets.

Hot, like popular, or
hot, like attractive?

Yes.

Why don't you come to the pet clinic
with me after summer school today?

You could be my assistant. You
could see how we do things.

Who knows? Maybe animal
care is in your blood.

Sure, Mom.

I've always had a special
connection with animals.

Right, Cosmo?

Heh.

Oh! Wasn't that a beautiful moment?

It'd be more beautiful with a
hard-boiled egg in my mouth.

What a night.

What happened?

I had a dream

somebody washed all my
sweater vests in hot water!

And they shrunk, and the colors ran,

and I had to go to school in a...

in a...

T-shirt!

Oh. What a nightmare!

But lucky for me, my best pal
was there when I woke up.

Thanks, Uni.

Oh, hey, Mom. Can you take me
to the dance studio early?

I need to work on my
audition for SAFSPA.

Shouldn't you work on your audition

for the San Francisco School
of the Performing Arts?

Mom, that's the same thing.

I'm not myself.

I just lost a bird who
was my best friend.

Ah!

Ramona, I have a wonderful
surprise for you.

- What is it?
- I'm not going to spoil it.

But it's a new bedroom
for you at my house.

Rats. I spoiled it.

A new bedroom?

Papa, that's awesome!

Why would she need a new bedroom

when she already has a beautiful
one, right here, at this house?

You're always saying that Ramona should
feel equally comfortable at my home.

I've never said that.

Oh, yeah. That was me.

What are you arguing about?

I have no idea. I don't speak Spanish.

Olé, olé! Gol!

It's very...

understated.

Yeah, like shabby chic,

without the chic.

Ah. But what is this?

Whoa!

My own frozen yogurt machine?

With your name bedazzled, just
like the young people enjoy.

Hmm. Chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry.

How boring.

And you forgot all about the toppings.

You're right. I did forget all about...

nothing!

Kit Kats and Milk Duds
and gummy bears, oh, my!

Did you notice this button?

What happens if I press it?

I do not want to spoil the surprise.

But your bedroom turns
into a dance studio!

Push it! Push it!

My own dance studio!

I know what you're up to.

You're trying to bribe Ramona to
spend more time at your house.

Your little plan is not gonna work.
Sorry to burst your bubble.

Did somebody say "bubble"?

I don't ever want to leave this room!

This little piggy went to market.

This little piggy stayed home,
because he was agoraphobic.

This little piggy had roast beef,

which made the neighbors feel
uncomfortable because they were cows.

Here, Aunt Steph. Keep Uni company.

Come on, Jimmy. Let's get sandwiches.

Sandwiches?

Yeah, sandwiches.

That will go great with lunch!

Hi, horsey.

Aw. That's right.

She's a horsey with a horn.

She's a unicorn.

Stephanie, we can't find the sandwiches.

Sorry, Tommy. I gotta go
help the other babies.

Why are you looking in the
freezer if you want a sandwich?

Because we want ice cream sandwiches.

Found it.

Right here in the box with a picture
of an ice cream sandwich. Duh!

Here you go, Max.

No!

No!

No!

What is...

No!

Horsey boo-boo.

Tommy, what did you do?

No, Max, honey. It's not Tommy's fault.
It's mine.

I let him play with Uni.

Are you crazy?

Tommy destroys everything
he gets his hands on!

He's like Baby Hulk.

Sorry.

Thanks, Tommy.

I know you feel bad.

As well you should.

But I forgive you.

Sort of. Not really. Too soon.

Here's your truck back.

Max, I am so sorry.

Uni was my best friend
in the whole world.

And now she's gone forever.

Stephanie? Don't touch anything.

This is a crime scene.

So, Jackson really rescued a bird, huh?

He did.

I think I saw real
veterinarian instincts.

If this turns into something, he
could be a partner here someday.

And we would become Fuller,
Fuller, and Harmon.

You'd call out, "Paging Dr.
Fuller," and we'd both be like,

"Yes?"

And it would be so hilarious!

Imagine the wacky mix-ups.

I know!

Stop it! Stop it! We have to go to work.

Hey, guys.

Oh, Mylanta. My little boy
is turning into a doctor!

Take it easy, Mom.

Oh, I'm sorry. I am just so proud.

You're turning into a doctor!

So, Jackson, today we are starting
with something really fun.

Did you know that animals get
tartar on their teeth like people?

It's important to scrape
it off regularly.

One way to find out if your
dog is due for a cleaning...

smell its breath.

Why don't you go ahead
and get under the hood?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. He's due.

You are absolutely right.

Look at you, with your first diagnosis.

Oh, ho!

Looking snazzy in your
scrubs, Jackson Fuller.

Thanks, Janet.

You can handle phones? Me go
and take a lunch break now.

If that's OK with you, Dr. Jackson!

Take your time, Janet. You've earned it.

Being a doctor's fun.

It really is.

So, this is a tooth scaler.

We're gonna scrape and
clean for five minutes.

And then we're done?

No, then we move on to the next tooth.

Oh, that sounds important.
I'll go get it.

Well, hurry back.

We're doing a neutering next.
Chop, chop!

Oh, boy. I'll be back.

Stat.

How do you know the word "stat"?

It was on a doctor show.

What's wrong?

He watches doctor shows.

OK. Right this way.

Just a little further.

OK.

Open your eyes.

Ta-dah!

It's a curtain.

Why did you make us cover our eyes?

You get a curtain, I get a curtain.

Ramona, prepare to have your
wildest dream come true.

No way.

Harry Styles is tied up behind there?

No, and now I'm gonna
have to read your diary.

Anyway...

Ta-dah!

Oh, my goodness!

It's a real-live My Little Pony. Oh!

I've wanted a My Little Pony ever
since I was a my little girl.

Olé, olé!

Gol!

It is so puny.

It's a puny pony.

Don't you just love her?

Can I name her Buttercup?

Well, the guy in the
van called her Dave,

but I don't care.

How dare you,

trying to bribe Ramona
with this tiny beast?

Me? You turned her bedroom
into a fro-yo disco.

Guys, please don't fight over me.

Good idea.

Let's take Buttercup to Ghirardelli
Square and get her some chocolate.

I read somewhere that
horses love chocolate.

Or that it kills them.

We'll google it on the way.

Forget that pint-sized pony.

I will get you a real mustang

that gets 21 mpg city, 30 highway.

Your mileage may vary. See
your local dealer today.

I can top that.

Pack your bags. You, me and
Buttercup are going to Paris.

We'll ride her straight
up the Eiffel Tower.

Think, Fernando, think!

Ramona, would you like an Academy Award?

You can get me one?

Yes, just ignore the
words "Adrien Brody."

Come on, guys. Why are
you acting like this?

Because when your father built
you such a beautiful room,

I was afraid you'd start spending
all your time over there.

My hope was that if Ramona
spent more time with me,

then you would spend more time with us.

Is it so wrong to want my two special
ladies with me under one roof?

That's so sweet.

But I'm a teenager, you guys.

I want to spend less
time with both of you.

Aww!

But it's great you guys love me so much
that you would do all of this for me.

You know, even if you
do go a bit overboard.

Well, that's what we do.

We're not normal.

And who wants to be a
normal family anyways,

with their white picket
fences and non-stop flossing?

You're right. We're not normal.

But I love that about us.

Me too.

And I love that we dance to
the beat of our own bongos.

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Frozen yogurt pony dance party?

Break it down!

♪ There's a party out on the street ♪

♪ Everybody come along with me ♪

♪ Celebrate, dancing... ♪

Hey, Max.

Feeling any better?

Not really.

I'm spending time with my
emotional support animal.

But I have too many emotions to support.

Well...

I have something that I hope
will make you feel better.

I know you have money problems.

So, my expectations are pretty low.

I have been waiting more than 30 years

to find the right
person to give this to.

And the right person is you.

So...

I present to you...

Mr. Bear.

The Mr. Bear?

This guy's a legend!

And now he's all yours.

He's definitely cute.

The cutest ever!

But I have some concerns.

I don't get the outfit.

Is he a detective? Does
he sell insurance?

Well, he's definitely a detective.

If he ever sold insurance,
I never knew about it.

Mr. Bear helped me through
some pretty tough times.

Sounds like he's your Uni.

Yeah. He was.

I can't possibly take him from you.

Thank God. This was killing me.

Max.

Wait until you see what's in the
backyard. It is gonna blow your mind.

OK, you're taking too long.

Whoa.

Look, a real-life unicorn.

Oh, please.

That's Buttercup in a unicorn costume.

Thanks for trying, but...

I'm just not in a happy place.

Where did you find this horse?

He was just dancing upstairs
at the Gibbler house.

Fine, don't tell me.

Good afternoon, Harmon-Fuller Pet Care.

You've got the pet, we've got the vet.

Please hold.

Good afternoon, Harmon-Fuller Pet Care.

If your patient's furry, there's
no need to worry. Please hold.

Hey, Jackson. You're
missing all the fun.

We got a cat with a nasty rash.
You gotta check it out.

Oh, I would, but I just put
on a fresh pot of coffee,

I got three people on hold, and
I'm updating your patient files.

Here's your receipt, Mrs. Behar.

And would Mitzi like
a gluten-free snack?

Yes, she would. Mm-hmm.

Bye-bye. Bye-bye now.

Hey, isn't Janet back yet?

You know, she is such a sweetie. I
gave her the rest of the day off.

Without checking with us?

Come on, Mom. She works really hard.

Plus, it's her birthday.
You sort of forgot.

Wait, what? I...

She never said anything.

You have to talk to people.

I talk to people.

- What's her husband's name?
- She's married?

I should probably...

So sorry to keep you.

Tell you what, let me
move some things around,

and I can squeeze Mr.
Whiskers in at three.

Wow. It's like he was
born with a headset.

Yeah, but that's not the reason
I brought him down here.

Have you tried this coffee?

This is frickin' delicious.
How does he do it?

- A dash of cinnamon.
- Mm.

I was excited at the idea that
he might follow in my footsteps.

Baby, I think it's natural for
any parent to feel that way,

but I gotta say,

I think this kid has found his calling.

I wouldn't go that far.

Whoa! That is frickin' delicious!

Hey, Max.

Not sure if you're gonna like this, but
I thought I'd give it one more shot.

Uni.

You're alive!

I tried my best to patch her up.

Maybe you can call her Franken-Uni.

You know what?

I like her.

She's got character.

And a zipper for hiding things.

Really? You're OK with this?

Looks aren't important.
What's on the inside counts.

Speaking of what's on the inside,
if she's a little lumpy,

it's because I ran out of
stuffing and used an oven mitt.

Thanks, Aunt Stephanie.

I'm sorry I was such a downer today.

It's OK.

You went through a lot.

So does this mean you forgive me?

I forgive you.

And so does Uni.

Come here, kid.

Hey, what's this patch?

It's from an old jacket.

Who's Bon Jovi?

He's a cowboy.

On a steel horse he rides.

Trust me, it's cool.

If you're my age.

Which, if anybody asks, is 26.

Twenty-seven?

Definitely under 30.

So, Ramona got a pony, a new
bedroom, and a frozen yogurt shop?

Yeah. And Tommy killed Uni, but
I brought her back to life.

Just another Fuller Friday.

It's Monday.

Good. I thought I missed the whole week.

You know, for a minute,

I let myself imagine that Jackson
wanted to be a veterinarian.

I mean, I got so excited.

I've wanted to be a vet
since I was ten years old.

Well, if I know anything
about human behavior...

Quick. Somebody else speak.

Go ahead, Kimmy.

No, Stephanie was right. I had nothing.

Honey, I'm home!

Oh, man. What a day at the office.
Am I right?

Hey Mom, I took the liberty of
ordering Janet an ergonomic chair.

She's had back pain since she
slipped in the supermarket.

She did what?

Yeah.

She couldn't play the
cello for a whole month.

Janet plays the cello?

Beautifully.

And by the way...

her name is Janice.

It is?

No! I'm just messing with you.

Anyway...

I've been thinking about
my future, and...

I don't want to answer
phones and make coffee.

Oh, good.

I just want to make coffee.

Oh. Good.

I want to be a barista.

You know, steaming the milk,
microwaving the brownies,

writing the names on the cups... Oh!

It's not gonna be easy, but
nothing worthwhile is.

You taught me that.

Technically, I did teach him that.

Oh, hey, Max. Where's Uni?

Uh, she's upstairs.

Is everything OK?

Yeah, but you know what I realized?

I didn't have Uni all day,

but the world didn't end.

I was OK on my own.

So, I decided Uni should
live on the shelf.

Unless I really need her.

Wow.

Sounds like you're growing up.

Yep.

It never would have happened without
Aunt Stephanie's carelessness.

You're welcome, Max.

You know who else is growing up?

My Ramona.

Turns out she's becoming a happy,
well-adjusted young adult.

Maybe too well-adjusted.

What kid doesn't take bribes?

I'll call a therapist in the morning.

Wait. You're concerned
that Ramona is too normal?

Hey, guys.

I'm gonna head to Papa's house to
watch Mean Girls and eat carrots.

I don't think you have
anything to worry about.

One, two, three, four...