Fuller House (2016–…): Season 2, Episode 4 - Curse of Tanner Manor - full transcript
Jackson and Ramona would rather die than go to DJs family Halloween party, where Fernando and Kimmy pull off the ultimate couples costume.
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
(SINGING) La, la la la la la Ooh
Whatever happened
to predictability?
The milkman, the
paperboy The evening TV
Everywhere you look
Everywhere you go
There's a heart, a
hand to hold onto
Everywhere you look
Everywhere you go
There's a face Of
somebody who needs you
There's a heart
Everywhere you look
Yeah
When you're lost out
there And you're all alone
A light is waiting
to carry you home
Everywhere you look
La, la la la la la Oh...
Mom, we need to talk.
What are you doing?
I'm hand-making your costume.
Why, you ask, would
I go to all the trouble
when all the other
moms go to the store
and buy something cheap,
generic and possibly flammable?
It's not because those mothers
love their children any less,
it's just that I love you more.
Yeah. So, listen.
Plus, I am crazy
about Halloween.
Oh, getting dressed up, going
trick-or-treating with you guys,
stealing your candy
while you're asleep.
Mom, we can't
go trick-or-treating.
We're a neighborhood joke.
- What are you talking about?
- Taylor.
Hello, Dr. Fuller.
You're looking well.
Skip the chit-chat. Tell my
mom what you wrote in your blog.
You guys have the lamest
Halloween house in town.
Lame? Lame how?
Boring decorations, a bowl
of raisins instead of candy...
Okay, thank you, Taylor.
And let's not forget the
pamphlets about juvenile diabetes.
She gets it. Thanks
for stopping by.
Goodbye, Dr. Fuller.
And may I say, you're
having a tremendous hair day.
Oh, thanks for noticing, Taylor.
Yeah, I'm using this new
conditioner... Why am I telling him?
"Lamest house in town."
Mom, how could
you do this to me?
Look, this should not be
about assigning blame.
But it's all your
Grandpa Danny's fault.
I mean, we just moved in here.
I say, Halloween night, we turn off all
the lights and check into a cheap motel.
Max, do not despair.
I'm in charge now.
And since I am the
queen of Halloween,
I'm gonna throw a spooky
party for you and your friends.
Go on.
But not just any spooky party.
The spookiest, scariest,
most terrifying party ever.
Will it impress Taylor?
Taylor? (BLOWS
RASPBERRY) Oh, please.
Answer the question.
Yes, it will impress Taylor.
That's the answer
I was looking for.
Hey, Deej. Don't you
love this time of year?
(GASPS) Oh, you'll never guess
who we're gonna be for Halloween.
Do not bother trying.
In a million years,
you will never guess.
Lucy and Ricky.
Nope, try again.
Oh, wait, you got it.
We will make the
perfect Lucy and Ricky.
Just like Lucy, Kimmy
is adorably wacky.
And just like Ricky, Fernando
has a cute Latino accent.
You think so?
Myself, I do not hear it.
Kimmy, can Gibbler Style Party Planning
help me throw a Halloween party for Max?
Of course. What's the theme?
Halloween.
I like it.
Now, I'll need my standard
$5,000 non-refundable deposit.
Kimmy, you and your entire
family live in this house for free.
Fine, it's refundable.
I'm so glad you're doing this.
Do you read Taylor's blog?
He said this is the
lamest house in town.
(GROANS) I can't believe my son's
best friend is such a pain in the butt.
Oh, now I know how
my dad felt about you.
Aw...
I mean, hey!
Yo-ho, Steph-o. (CHUCKLES)
Oh, hey, Jimmy.
'Sup?
(SIGHS) Nothin'.
Oh, I love our banter. (LAUGHS)
Oh, hey, uh, you wanna
go out this Halloween?
(SPOOKILY) Ooo...
(CHUCKLES)
I'd love to.
(SPOOKILY) Aah...
What? It's a ghost.
Oh, good, I thought it was, like, an
old person expressing disappointment.
So, uh, what do
you have in mind?
Oh, well, I got us two tickets to go to
Mighty Mountain's Haunted Halloween.
Ooh, that sounds like fun.
It does, but then I thought,
"What's more fun than being
scared? Being the scarer."
And then I thought, "I'll get
us jobs playing zombies."
And then I did. All we
have to do is go like this...
(IMITATES ZOMBIE
GRUNTS AND WHEEZES)
What? That's a zombie.
Oh! Oh, I thought it was a
goat with chronic asthma.
You got me back.
I love our banter. (CHUCKLES)
- D.J.: Hi, Steph.
- Hey.
Hey, guys.
Oh, hey, guys, I've got two extra tickets
to Haunted Halloween, you want 'em?
Oh, actually, I'm planning a
family Halloween here at home.
Yeah, we'll take 'em.
Thanks, Uncle Jimmy!
Uh, are you sure you wanna
miss family Halloween?
We always go
trick-or-treating together.
And then later, I'm throwing
a spooky party for Max.
Come on, Mom. We're too mature
for all that little kid stuff. We're 13.
(SCOFFS) Yeah, if this were
Frontier times, we'd be married.
- Ew.
- Not to each other.
Ew!
Ramona, let's decide
on your costume.
You don't wanna end up being
something boring like a kitty cat.
Oh, I was a kitty cat last year.
You're a kitty cat every year.
So? You're a sexy
nurse every year.
Well, actually I'm just
a nurse, but thank you.
Sorry, Mom, but we're
going to Haunted Halloween.
- And we're not wearing dumb costumes.
- Or going to a lame kiddie party.
And we're gonna Uber
so we don't have to be embarrassed
by having our parents drop us off.
But we're really sad we're
gonna miss the fun tonight.
Yeah, we are. And we're gonna
be out late, so don't wait up.
Joke's on them.
I'm gonna wait up.
D.J., I'm sorry I ruined
your family Halloween.
I should have checked with
you about the tickets first.
Oh, that's all right.
You couldn't have known that this might
be my last Halloween with all my boys
before they grow up,
move out and never call.
Well, as long as
I'm off the hook.
We could ask for the
tickets back if you want.
No, it's fine. They can go.
But, man, time sure flies.
One minute, Jackson and Ramona
are holding our hands to cross the street,
and the next minute, they
want nothing to do with us.
Oh, Deej.
Teenagers are like birds.
If they fly away, they were
never yours to begin with.
That makes no sense.
Shh. I know it doesn't.
I love Lucy.
And I love Ricky.
Oh, look! You even got a conga.
Of course. It's for my
performance tonight.
What performance?
At Max's party.
I said to myself,
"What would a group of 8-year-olds
want to see on Halloween?"
And then it hit me.
Ricky Ricardo
singing in Spanish.
Hey, what if you had a beautiful
redhead performing with you?
Who did you have in mind?
Carrot Top?
Me.
Oh, no, no, no.
Ricky always performs alone.
Watch any episode.
You must promise me you
will not interfere with my show.
No funny business, okay?
- Oh, don't you worry about me.
- Hmm.
It's Lucy you have
to worry about.
Tommy, what does the bear say?
(IMITATES BEAR ROARING)
(WHIMPERS)
Close enough.
Our costumes make no sense.
Whoever heard of
Goldilocks and the two bears?
You know why there
isn't a third bear.
Hey, Mom, I need 40 bucks.
- How about 20?
- Sure, that's all I really needed.
Thanks for bailing, Jackson.
Sorry, but trick-or-treating
is for little kids.
Oh, thanks, Mom.
(LAUGHING)
You do know that you're
the momma bear, right?
No, I'm not. Am I?
Of course not. You're
the middle bear.
Then why do I have a
big pink bow on my butt?
Because you're the bear that
supports breast cancer research.
Well, that's a very
important cause.
Who looks stupid now?
(ROARING)
Okay, Steph, here comes
Jackson and Ramona.
You ready to zombie?
Do I look ready?
(SWITCH CLICKS)
(DISTORTED) Do I sound ready?
Ooh!
(LIGHT CRACKLING)
These theme parks aren't
that scary. (CHUCKLES)
(GASPING)
This is so much cooler than
a party full of 8-year-olds.
(SCREECHING)
(JACKSON AND RAMONA
SCREAM AND PANT)
Yeah, good one, big dude.
(BOTH SIGH)
- (SCOFFS) These are so fake.
- You're fake.
(SCREAMING)
(DOOR CREAKS)
Come. Be my bride. Forever.
Who, me?
No.
Him!
You see what I did
there? I flipped the joke.
JIMMY: (DISTORTED)
Enter, young teens. If you dare.
Do we dare?
Of course we dare.
You dare first.
Fresh brains.
I'm not clear on the
whole storyline here.
Were you invented in the lab
or did you break into the lab?
Who are you, the logic police?
Get out!
The door is locked. No
one's going anywhere.
I was a hall monitor last year
and that's against fire regulations.
Silence, nerd.
I'm not scared of you.
We know.
We're sucking the thoughts
right out of your brains.
(SCREECHING)
Then what am I thinking?
Your feet hurt.
From dance class.
Whoa! How did you know that?
And you.
Why aren't you at
home with your family?
You're not reading my mind. You
could say that about any teenager.
You skipped your brother's party
and you broke your mother's heart.
Okay, that one
seemed more about me.
Well, uh, we're gonna head out
now, if you could just unlock the door.
Not gonna happen, Jackson.
They know your name.
- Zip it, Ramona.
- And they know mine!
(SCREAMING)
You two should have stayed
at home with your families.
If you let me go, that's
exactly what I'll do.
Their brains are
too small to eat.
Not worth the hassle.
Like crab legs.
We promise we'll
go straight home.
Go. Now.
Before Uber surge
pricing kicks in.
(SCREAMING)
(NORMAL) That was
easier than I thought.
Yeah. I loved your Uber line.
- Aw.
- (CHUCKLES)
Hey, hey, hey, no fraternizing
between characters.
It's grounds for
immediate dismissal.
What about you, Randy? I saw you
smoking in the haunted corn maze.
I was vaping.
I'm a vaping vampire.
Hey, kids. What's this I see?
Could it be a dog
possessed by a demon?
(SPOOKILY) Ooo...
That's not scary.
That's adorable.
Okay, check this out.
Who wants to reach
into the bucket of terror
and feel real human eyeballs?
Peeled grapes?
What's so scary?
Are they not organic?
(SIGHS)
Okay, listen, kid.
Halloween requires a
certain suspension of disbelief.
It also requires a certain
level of production quality.
Mom? A word, please.
When we first discussed this party,
the word "spooky" was thrown around.
Oh, it's about to get
spooky up in here.
Up in here.
Okay. Everyone, gather 'round.
Now we all know the story of
Goldilocks and the Three Bears,
but not everyone
knows how it really ends.
Goldilocks runs away.
Yes, she runs away.
But not before the bears
chopped off her hand!
(CRIES)
$13.99 at Burt's Halloween Shop.
Look who's here
to save your party.
Be my guest. Tough room.
Niños...
Let's travel back
to a terrifying time,
when TV was in black and white
and there were only three channels.
And if you went to the bathroom,
you actually missed
part of the show forever.
So now, I present to you
TV legend Ricky Ricardo,
performing his signature song, Babalú.
Please enjoy, but
do not sing along.
(SINGING IN SPANISH)
Eee...
(IN ENGLISH) Lucy, you
have some explaining to do.
No, I don't, I've got
some singing to do!
(SINGS ALONG OFF-KEY)
What are you doing, Lucy?
(IN ENGLISH) I'm
babalú-ing, Ricky.
Lucy, you promised
not to do this.
You know I wanna be in show business.
Maybe I'll get discovered tonight.
By who? They're 8-year-olds!
You never consider my feelings.
Okay, I'm considering
your feelings now.
And I'm considering,
and they're wrong!
(CONTINUES SINGING)
What am I supposed to do? Sit
in the corner with Fred and Ethel?
You're so selfish.
(SCOFFS) I'm selfish?
Lucy, this time
you've taken it too far.
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
(CRYING)
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
Wow!
Wasn't that a thing you saw?
This party is a baba-loser.
Max.
I'm sorry.
Maybe this party
wasn't the scariest.
But Taylor's
attitude did not help.
(ARGUING IN SPANISH)
(CRYING)
And I had nothing
to do with that.
What a disaster.
The only good thing that happened tonight
is that I raised breast cancer awareness.
Hi, Mom. So good to be home.
Aw. What are you guys
doing home so early?
Well, we knew you felt
bad about us not being here.
So, we decided to
make our parents happy.
It was the right thing to do.
(DISTORTED) We're
very proud of you.
(JACKSON AND RAMONA SCREAM)
(LAUGHING)
Got ya!
(SCOFFS) We knew it
was the two of you all along.
Yeah, no, you didn't.
Is it still too late to be
invited to the 8-year-old party?
No. But I have to warn
you, it's not very scary.
That's okay. We've had
enough scary for one night.
But that party could be scarier.
Did you guys happen to make
any monster friends at the park?
Well, the severed
heads were pretty snooty,
but the ghouls were cool.
I felt like that killer clown
was hitting on me all night.
I hate to burst your bubble,
but that smile was painted on.
What?
Hold on to that
Viking hat, Taylor.
This party's about
to get super-scary.
Why?
Are you bringing out more
sugar-free skeleton cookies?
(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)
(LAUGHING)
(GROWLS)
(CHILDREN SCREAMING)
Don't worry! It's not real.
I think.
- (DISTORTED) Hey, Taylor.
- How do you know my name?
Max told us to eat your brains.
You should eat his brains.
We already did.
That was our amuse-bouche.
(CHILDREN SCREAMING)
You're next, Taylor.
Mommy!
(SCREAMING)
Way to go, kids! Way to go,
monsters! We scared Taylor pretty good!
Yes!
Best Halloween ever.
Here, Max. Try some brain food.
Mmm! I'm delicious!
JACKSON: Hey, Mom,
can you come in here?
(GASPS) Oh, my
three little bears!
I can't believe you wanted
me to wear this in public.
Yeah, now that I see
it, you may have a point.
- I'm giving you one bear photo.
- Really?
But you cannot post it
on Facebook, Instagram,
Snapchat, Twitter, Pinterest
or any medium that exists
now or may exist in the future.
Deal.
Aw. But you'll always
be my three little bears.
(SIGHS) Okay, let's
not make this a thing.
I'll make it a thing. I
like being your little bear.
Fine. I guess I like
being your little bear, too.
Aw...
I know you don't mean that,
but it's so sweet you said it.
Oh, I love you boys so much.
Hey, can somebody
take this picture?
Happy to help.
By the way, these sugar-free
skeleton cookies are to die for.
Yeah, can you just
take the picture?
(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS)
Kimmy, I'm really, really sorry.
That did not sound sincere.
It was sincere
the first 25 times.
Now I'm a little
bit on autopilot.
It is true.
I should have invited
Lucy to perform with Ricky.
Yes, you should have.
Although, in 181 episodes,
that never happened once.
I'm not mad about
not being in the show.
I'm mad because you
didn't want me in the show.
We got a couples costume so
we could enjoy Halloween together.
I feel terrible.
Please, let me
make it up to you.
Only if it involves something
we can do together.
It does not.
But you're still
going to love it.
(SINGING) I love
Kimmy and she loves me
We're as happy as two can be
Sometimes we quarrel
But then, how we
love making up again
Kimmy kisses like no one can
She's my missus and I'm her man
And life is heaven, you see
'Cause I love Kimmy
Yes, I love Kimmy
And Kimmy loves
Me
Oh, Ricky.
Oh, Lucy.
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
English -SDH
(SINGING) La, la la la la la Ooh
Whatever happened
to predictability?
The milkman, the
paperboy The evening TV
Everywhere you look
Everywhere you go
There's a heart, a
hand to hold onto
Everywhere you look
Everywhere you go
There's a face Of
somebody who needs you
There's a heart
Everywhere you look
Yeah
When you're lost out
there And you're all alone
A light is waiting
to carry you home
Everywhere you look
La, la la la la la Oh...
Mom, we need to talk.
What are you doing?
I'm hand-making your costume.
Why, you ask, would
I go to all the trouble
when all the other
moms go to the store
and buy something cheap,
generic and possibly flammable?
It's not because those mothers
love their children any less,
it's just that I love you more.
Yeah. So, listen.
Plus, I am crazy
about Halloween.
Oh, getting dressed up, going
trick-or-treating with you guys,
stealing your candy
while you're asleep.
Mom, we can't
go trick-or-treating.
We're a neighborhood joke.
- What are you talking about?
- Taylor.
Hello, Dr. Fuller.
You're looking well.
Skip the chit-chat. Tell my
mom what you wrote in your blog.
You guys have the lamest
Halloween house in town.
Lame? Lame how?
Boring decorations, a bowl
of raisins instead of candy...
Okay, thank you, Taylor.
And let's not forget the
pamphlets about juvenile diabetes.
She gets it. Thanks
for stopping by.
Goodbye, Dr. Fuller.
And may I say, you're
having a tremendous hair day.
Oh, thanks for noticing, Taylor.
Yeah, I'm using this new
conditioner... Why am I telling him?
"Lamest house in town."
Mom, how could
you do this to me?
Look, this should not be
about assigning blame.
But it's all your
Grandpa Danny's fault.
I mean, we just moved in here.
I say, Halloween night, we turn off all
the lights and check into a cheap motel.
Max, do not despair.
I'm in charge now.
And since I am the
queen of Halloween,
I'm gonna throw a spooky
party for you and your friends.
Go on.
But not just any spooky party.
The spookiest, scariest,
most terrifying party ever.
Will it impress Taylor?
Taylor? (BLOWS
RASPBERRY) Oh, please.
Answer the question.
Yes, it will impress Taylor.
That's the answer
I was looking for.
Hey, Deej. Don't you
love this time of year?
(GASPS) Oh, you'll never guess
who we're gonna be for Halloween.
Do not bother trying.
In a million years,
you will never guess.
Lucy and Ricky.
Nope, try again.
Oh, wait, you got it.
We will make the
perfect Lucy and Ricky.
Just like Lucy, Kimmy
is adorably wacky.
And just like Ricky, Fernando
has a cute Latino accent.
You think so?
Myself, I do not hear it.
Kimmy, can Gibbler Style Party Planning
help me throw a Halloween party for Max?
Of course. What's the theme?
Halloween.
I like it.
Now, I'll need my standard
$5,000 non-refundable deposit.
Kimmy, you and your entire
family live in this house for free.
Fine, it's refundable.
I'm so glad you're doing this.
Do you read Taylor's blog?
He said this is the
lamest house in town.
(GROANS) I can't believe my son's
best friend is such a pain in the butt.
Oh, now I know how
my dad felt about you.
Aw...
I mean, hey!
Yo-ho, Steph-o. (CHUCKLES)
Oh, hey, Jimmy.
'Sup?
(SIGHS) Nothin'.
Oh, I love our banter. (LAUGHS)
Oh, hey, uh, you wanna
go out this Halloween?
(SPOOKILY) Ooo...
(CHUCKLES)
I'd love to.
(SPOOKILY) Aah...
What? It's a ghost.
Oh, good, I thought it was, like, an
old person expressing disappointment.
So, uh, what do
you have in mind?
Oh, well, I got us two tickets to go to
Mighty Mountain's Haunted Halloween.
Ooh, that sounds like fun.
It does, but then I thought,
"What's more fun than being
scared? Being the scarer."
And then I thought, "I'll get
us jobs playing zombies."
And then I did. All we
have to do is go like this...
(IMITATES ZOMBIE
GRUNTS AND WHEEZES)
What? That's a zombie.
Oh! Oh, I thought it was a
goat with chronic asthma.
You got me back.
I love our banter. (CHUCKLES)
- D.J.: Hi, Steph.
- Hey.
Hey, guys.
Oh, hey, guys, I've got two extra tickets
to Haunted Halloween, you want 'em?
Oh, actually, I'm planning a
family Halloween here at home.
Yeah, we'll take 'em.
Thanks, Uncle Jimmy!
Uh, are you sure you wanna
miss family Halloween?
We always go
trick-or-treating together.
And then later, I'm throwing
a spooky party for Max.
Come on, Mom. We're too mature
for all that little kid stuff. We're 13.
(SCOFFS) Yeah, if this were
Frontier times, we'd be married.
- Ew.
- Not to each other.
Ew!
Ramona, let's decide
on your costume.
You don't wanna end up being
something boring like a kitty cat.
Oh, I was a kitty cat last year.
You're a kitty cat every year.
So? You're a sexy
nurse every year.
Well, actually I'm just
a nurse, but thank you.
Sorry, Mom, but we're
going to Haunted Halloween.
- And we're not wearing dumb costumes.
- Or going to a lame kiddie party.
And we're gonna Uber
so we don't have to be embarrassed
by having our parents drop us off.
But we're really sad we're
gonna miss the fun tonight.
Yeah, we are. And we're gonna
be out late, so don't wait up.
Joke's on them.
I'm gonna wait up.
D.J., I'm sorry I ruined
your family Halloween.
I should have checked with
you about the tickets first.
Oh, that's all right.
You couldn't have known that this might
be my last Halloween with all my boys
before they grow up,
move out and never call.
Well, as long as
I'm off the hook.
We could ask for the
tickets back if you want.
No, it's fine. They can go.
But, man, time sure flies.
One minute, Jackson and Ramona
are holding our hands to cross the street,
and the next minute, they
want nothing to do with us.
Oh, Deej.
Teenagers are like birds.
If they fly away, they were
never yours to begin with.
That makes no sense.
Shh. I know it doesn't.
I love Lucy.
And I love Ricky.
Oh, look! You even got a conga.
Of course. It's for my
performance tonight.
What performance?
At Max's party.
I said to myself,
"What would a group of 8-year-olds
want to see on Halloween?"
And then it hit me.
Ricky Ricardo
singing in Spanish.
Hey, what if you had a beautiful
redhead performing with you?
Who did you have in mind?
Carrot Top?
Me.
Oh, no, no, no.
Ricky always performs alone.
Watch any episode.
You must promise me you
will not interfere with my show.
No funny business, okay?
- Oh, don't you worry about me.
- Hmm.
It's Lucy you have
to worry about.
Tommy, what does the bear say?
(IMITATES BEAR ROARING)
(WHIMPERS)
Close enough.
Our costumes make no sense.
Whoever heard of
Goldilocks and the two bears?
You know why there
isn't a third bear.
Hey, Mom, I need 40 bucks.
- How about 20?
- Sure, that's all I really needed.
Thanks for bailing, Jackson.
Sorry, but trick-or-treating
is for little kids.
Oh, thanks, Mom.
(LAUGHING)
You do know that you're
the momma bear, right?
No, I'm not. Am I?
Of course not. You're
the middle bear.
Then why do I have a
big pink bow on my butt?
Because you're the bear that
supports breast cancer research.
Well, that's a very
important cause.
Who looks stupid now?
(ROARING)
Okay, Steph, here comes
Jackson and Ramona.
You ready to zombie?
Do I look ready?
(SWITCH CLICKS)
(DISTORTED) Do I sound ready?
Ooh!
(LIGHT CRACKLING)
These theme parks aren't
that scary. (CHUCKLES)
(GASPING)
This is so much cooler than
a party full of 8-year-olds.
(SCREECHING)
(JACKSON AND RAMONA
SCREAM AND PANT)
Yeah, good one, big dude.
(BOTH SIGH)
- (SCOFFS) These are so fake.
- You're fake.
(SCREAMING)
(DOOR CREAKS)
Come. Be my bride. Forever.
Who, me?
No.
Him!
You see what I did
there? I flipped the joke.
JIMMY: (DISTORTED)
Enter, young teens. If you dare.
Do we dare?
Of course we dare.
You dare first.
Fresh brains.
I'm not clear on the
whole storyline here.
Were you invented in the lab
or did you break into the lab?
Who are you, the logic police?
Get out!
The door is locked. No
one's going anywhere.
I was a hall monitor last year
and that's against fire regulations.
Silence, nerd.
I'm not scared of you.
We know.
We're sucking the thoughts
right out of your brains.
(SCREECHING)
Then what am I thinking?
Your feet hurt.
From dance class.
Whoa! How did you know that?
And you.
Why aren't you at
home with your family?
You're not reading my mind. You
could say that about any teenager.
You skipped your brother's party
and you broke your mother's heart.
Okay, that one
seemed more about me.
Well, uh, we're gonna head out
now, if you could just unlock the door.
Not gonna happen, Jackson.
They know your name.
- Zip it, Ramona.
- And they know mine!
(SCREAMING)
You two should have stayed
at home with your families.
If you let me go, that's
exactly what I'll do.
Their brains are
too small to eat.
Not worth the hassle.
Like crab legs.
We promise we'll
go straight home.
Go. Now.
Before Uber surge
pricing kicks in.
(SCREAMING)
(NORMAL) That was
easier than I thought.
Yeah. I loved your Uber line.
- Aw.
- (CHUCKLES)
Hey, hey, hey, no fraternizing
between characters.
It's grounds for
immediate dismissal.
What about you, Randy? I saw you
smoking in the haunted corn maze.
I was vaping.
I'm a vaping vampire.
Hey, kids. What's this I see?
Could it be a dog
possessed by a demon?
(SPOOKILY) Ooo...
That's not scary.
That's adorable.
Okay, check this out.
Who wants to reach
into the bucket of terror
and feel real human eyeballs?
Peeled grapes?
What's so scary?
Are they not organic?
(SIGHS)
Okay, listen, kid.
Halloween requires a
certain suspension of disbelief.
It also requires a certain
level of production quality.
Mom? A word, please.
When we first discussed this party,
the word "spooky" was thrown around.
Oh, it's about to get
spooky up in here.
Up in here.
Okay. Everyone, gather 'round.
Now we all know the story of
Goldilocks and the Three Bears,
but not everyone
knows how it really ends.
Goldilocks runs away.
Yes, she runs away.
But not before the bears
chopped off her hand!
(CRIES)
$13.99 at Burt's Halloween Shop.
Look who's here
to save your party.
Be my guest. Tough room.
Niños...
Let's travel back
to a terrifying time,
when TV was in black and white
and there were only three channels.
And if you went to the bathroom,
you actually missed
part of the show forever.
So now, I present to you
TV legend Ricky Ricardo,
performing his signature song, Babalú.
Please enjoy, but
do not sing along.
(SINGING IN SPANISH)
Eee...
(IN ENGLISH) Lucy, you
have some explaining to do.
No, I don't, I've got
some singing to do!
(SINGS ALONG OFF-KEY)
What are you doing, Lucy?
(IN ENGLISH) I'm
babalú-ing, Ricky.
Lucy, you promised
not to do this.
You know I wanna be in show business.
Maybe I'll get discovered tonight.
By who? They're 8-year-olds!
You never consider my feelings.
Okay, I'm considering
your feelings now.
And I'm considering,
and they're wrong!
(CONTINUES SINGING)
What am I supposed to do? Sit
in the corner with Fred and Ethel?
You're so selfish.
(SCOFFS) I'm selfish?
Lucy, this time
you've taken it too far.
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
(CRYING)
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
Wow!
Wasn't that a thing you saw?
This party is a baba-loser.
Max.
I'm sorry.
Maybe this party
wasn't the scariest.
But Taylor's
attitude did not help.
(ARGUING IN SPANISH)
(CRYING)
And I had nothing
to do with that.
What a disaster.
The only good thing that happened tonight
is that I raised breast cancer awareness.
Hi, Mom. So good to be home.
Aw. What are you guys
doing home so early?
Well, we knew you felt
bad about us not being here.
So, we decided to
make our parents happy.
It was the right thing to do.
(DISTORTED) We're
very proud of you.
(JACKSON AND RAMONA SCREAM)
(LAUGHING)
Got ya!
(SCOFFS) We knew it
was the two of you all along.
Yeah, no, you didn't.
Is it still too late to be
invited to the 8-year-old party?
No. But I have to warn
you, it's not very scary.
That's okay. We've had
enough scary for one night.
But that party could be scarier.
Did you guys happen to make
any monster friends at the park?
Well, the severed
heads were pretty snooty,
but the ghouls were cool.
I felt like that killer clown
was hitting on me all night.
I hate to burst your bubble,
but that smile was painted on.
What?
Hold on to that
Viking hat, Taylor.
This party's about
to get super-scary.
Why?
Are you bringing out more
sugar-free skeleton cookies?
(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)
(LAUGHING)
(GROWLS)
(CHILDREN SCREAMING)
Don't worry! It's not real.
I think.
- (DISTORTED) Hey, Taylor.
- How do you know my name?
Max told us to eat your brains.
You should eat his brains.
We already did.
That was our amuse-bouche.
(CHILDREN SCREAMING)
You're next, Taylor.
Mommy!
(SCREAMING)
Way to go, kids! Way to go,
monsters! We scared Taylor pretty good!
Yes!
Best Halloween ever.
Here, Max. Try some brain food.
Mmm! I'm delicious!
JACKSON: Hey, Mom,
can you come in here?
(GASPS) Oh, my
three little bears!
I can't believe you wanted
me to wear this in public.
Yeah, now that I see
it, you may have a point.
- I'm giving you one bear photo.
- Really?
But you cannot post it
on Facebook, Instagram,
Snapchat, Twitter, Pinterest
or any medium that exists
now or may exist in the future.
Deal.
Aw. But you'll always
be my three little bears.
(SIGHS) Okay, let's
not make this a thing.
I'll make it a thing. I
like being your little bear.
Fine. I guess I like
being your little bear, too.
Aw...
I know you don't mean that,
but it's so sweet you said it.
Oh, I love you boys so much.
Hey, can somebody
take this picture?
Happy to help.
By the way, these sugar-free
skeleton cookies are to die for.
Yeah, can you just
take the picture?
(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS)
Kimmy, I'm really, really sorry.
That did not sound sincere.
It was sincere
the first 25 times.
Now I'm a little
bit on autopilot.
It is true.
I should have invited
Lucy to perform with Ricky.
Yes, you should have.
Although, in 181 episodes,
that never happened once.
I'm not mad about
not being in the show.
I'm mad because you
didn't want me in the show.
We got a couples costume so
we could enjoy Halloween together.
I feel terrible.
Please, let me
make it up to you.
Only if it involves something
we can do together.
It does not.
But you're still
going to love it.
(SINGING) I love
Kimmy and she loves me
We're as happy as two can be
Sometimes we quarrel
But then, how we
love making up again
Kimmy kisses like no one can
She's my missus and I'm her man
And life is heaven, you see
'Cause I love Kimmy
Yes, I love Kimmy
And Kimmy loves
Me
Oh, Ricky.
Oh, Lucy.
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
English -SDH