Fuller House (2016–…): Season 1, Episode 7 - Ramona's Not-So-Epic Party - full transcript

Stephanie and Kimmy throw a 13th birthday party for Ramona and, when the power goes out, it's completely ruined. In the meantime, DJ introduces the new Dr. Harmon to Kimmy. Ramona catches her parents arguing, yet again, after she asked them to behave for the day.

Kimberlina, feast your eyes
upon the most beautiful ice cream cake

for our most beautiful daughter.

Who is Father Flanagan
and why is he on Ramona's cake?

Oh, boy.

So when you told me to check the cake, you
meant I should actually check the cake?

Hey, guys.

There's my birthday girl!

I can't believe my baby
is officially a teenager.

Everything is really gonna change.

- Can I go to an R-rated movie?
- No.

- Can I go to a concert on my own?
- No.



- Then what's the big change?
- I'm the mother of a teenager!

I need to do something big to celebrate.

How about a tattoo,
like the Chinese symbol for love?

Yeah, that sounds good, until you find out
it actually means pork fried rice.

For the 1,000th time...
this was not a mistake.

Do I or do I not love pork fried rice?

Guys! Please! Today is my birthday.

And all I want is for you to get along.
Just for one day.

Honey, that's no problem. Right, Fernando?

I vow on my life
and everything I hold sacred

that I will cause no drama!

Starting now
because that was very dramatic.

Here. Why don't you open
one of your presents?

It might be something
for your party tonight.



It's the Jeffrey Campbells I wanted!

Thank you, Mom! Thank you, Papa!

And most of all,
thank you, Jeffrey Campbell!

We did good, didn't we, honey?

Yes, we did, baby.

Look at us getting along. See, Ramona?

You can take your hand off my butt now.

Oh, look! Our teenager's first steps!

You can do it, baby, you can do it.
Don't look down!

Yes! Oh, yes, you did it.

Oh, good girl!

- Hey, Deej.
- Hey, Steve.

I'm here to pick up Comet Jr. Jr.

Let me tell you, I was so lonely last
night in that big old bed all by myself.

I'm envious of that empty bed.

Last night, Max, Tommy and Cosmo
crawled in with me. And Kimmy.

She really doesn't like lightning.

That was actually just kind of a hint
that I'm not dating anyone.

Don't feel bad. Neither am I.

You know,
why don't we go out to dinner sometime

and talk about us not dating anyone?

Well, as long as it's not an official date
and there's no pressure, that'd be fun.

Well, I look forward to not dating you.

It's a date, to not date.

Comet Jr. Jr. is ready ready!

Oh, sweetheart!

- Hey, what happened to Dr. Harmon?
- I am Dr. Harmon.

No, no, I mean the older, shorter,
less-ruggedly-handsome Dr. Harmon.

That's his father.
Matt's filling in while he's on vacation.

- Hi, I'm Matt.
- I'm Steve.

You're just working here with D.J.
temporarily, right?

Well, that was the plan, but I'm really
starting to like San Francisco, so...

Well, your wife must miss you, though.

- I don't have a wife.
- Oh. Then your husband must miss you.

Nope. Straight and single.

Can we stop shaking hands now?

Wow, okay. So D.J.'s working with a
good-looking, single, straight guy. Great!

We gotta fix you up.
You know, you need a good woman.

You need a hot woman.
You need Kimmy Gibbler!

Oh, good idea. She's my best friend.

- A lot of fun.
- Classic girl next door.

You're welcome.
Invite me to the wedding. See you, guys.

Bye.

You know, it's not a bad idea.

We're actually throwing a party tonight
for Kimmy's daughter.

Come by, if you want. There'll be wine.

Oh. Drinking with other people?
That's a refreshing change of pace.

What are you guys laughing about?
Is the Kimmy thing still on?

I'm not sure
why I'm making this place spotless

before 20 teenagers show up
and undo everything I just did.

Oh, wait. I do know why.

So I got good news and bad news.

The good news is
I finally got Cosmo to poop outside.

The bad news is it was outside my bedroom.

Max, these accidents
really have got to stop.

Oh, I'm not sure it was an accident.

He was looking right at me
with a big smile when he did it.

Hey! How was the birthday shopping spree?

Amazing. I got my first designer dress
for the party.

It's an Elizabeth and James
by Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen.

At these prices, no wonder
they don't need to act anymore.

Papa, you're doing my hair later?

I want keratin treatment, extensions,
curls, highlights, volumizer.

In other words, the Full Fernando.

I keep forgetting you did hair.

Yes, before I was
in the dangerous world of auto racing,

I was in the even more dangerous world
of women's hairdressing.

That's how we met.

Yes, Kimberlina wanted to be
a dirty blonde and I happily obliged.

Wow! They're not kidding
when they say this stuff attracts women!

I could smell you
from the kitchen.

It's my own unique body spray combo
of Dark Temptation and Excite.

Is this new smell cloud and look
Lola-related?

Yeah, she's coming to Ramona's party.

Figured I'd make my move.

Mind if I make a couple tweaks?

- Sure.
- Okay.

Uh... Well, let's lose the glasses
'cause it's night.

Makes sense.

And, uh, you know, maybe the hat
'cause you've got a great head of hair.

- It is one of my top three features.
- Mm-hmm.

And it's too warm for a jacket,
so that needs to come off.

Alright.

And I'm not gonna sugar-coat this.
I've seen nicer chains on snow tires.

Perfect!

But now I'm just me.

Exactly!
And that's what Lola's gonna like.

If she doesn't like "just you,"
tons of other girls out there will.

- Have some faith in your swagger.
- Got a can of Swagger right here!

No, no, no, no!

Okay, Cosmo.

Mom says you gotta stop going
in the house, but I have a better idea.

Your very own potty trainer!

It worked for me and it can work for you.

Now just relax. Pretend I'm not here.

You want a magazine or something?

I present to you the fabulous Ramona.

Hair by Fernando.

Yeah, yeah! You look awesome!

Doesn't she look awesome?
Mom, can I go now?

Yes. Thank you for pretending to care.

You really do look beautiful.

Thank you.

The hair's a little much.

You may leave too!

This day has been so great already.
Feels like we're a real family again.

Especially when we got
the family meal deal at Pizza Hut.

Nothing says "family" like pizza
with wieners hiding in the crust.

- Let's get some pictures.
- Yes!

Here, Stephanie.

Oh. I'm the official Gibbler
family photographer.

Okay. Well, everybody smile.

Alright, give me some pouty lips.

Not you, Fernando!

Here we go.

- Hey, Matt.
- Hi, D.J.

I brought some Hawaiian Punch
for the little kids

and some tequila for the big kids.

I'm so glad you came by.
That's my friend Kimmy Gibbler.

- The one taking the picture?
- No, the one getting her picture taken.

- She certainly looks taken.
- She's unattached.

She certainly looks attached.

That's her soon-to-be ex-husband.
He's out of the picture.

He certainly looks in the picture.

I could do this all day.

Wow! This place looks amazing.

I'm gonna hire Gibbler Style Party
Planning for my party-planning needs.

Thanks, Lola.

This will look great on my website.

There's Lola.
Oh, what should I say to her?

Girls love compliments. Tell her you
love her hair and she has beautiful eyes.

Ah. I'm all over that.

- Hey.
- Hey.

You have beautiful hairy eyes.

Nailed it!

Alright, ladies and gentlemen, welcome
to Ramona's epic 13th birthday party!

We've paid off the cops.
We've warned the neighbors.

The only thing left is to ask you guys
the most important question:

y'all ready for this?

Uh... Well, it looks like our
electrical panel wasn't ready for this.

Little glitch, party people. In the
meantime, let's keep this party going!

Here we go! We've got music! Alright!

Oh, yeah!

Hold on. I gotta take this.

Hello?

No, you know, I'm not that happy
with my long-distance service.

Well, Cosmo, the power's out.

Don't be scared. It's probably nothing.

Or it's the zombie apocalypse.

Since the world's ending,
you can poop and pee wherever you want.

Halt! State your name!

It's Mommy and Tommy.
We just blew a fuse.

How do I know you're my mom
and not a zombie?

This is why I don't want you
watching scary movies.

You seem to be avoiding
the zombie question.

Max, I am not a zombie.

Okay, but what about that baby?

He's got the blank stare and the drool.

Classic zombie.

We're gonna have the power back on
as soon as possible, everyone.

Oh! In the meantime, how about we have
a piece of birthday ice cream cake?

Um... Well, make that
birthday ice cream soup.

Here. Alright, who's thirsty
for a cup of birthday cake?

Yeah, that's delicious.

Here, it looks great, right? Right?
Delicious, no?

Stephanie, help!

I just got two texts about how lame my
party is from people who aren't even here.

I know what to do.

You guys, come on.
You don't need electricity to have fun!

When I was your age,
we would've loved for the power to go out.

Okay, everybody, pair up and make out!

Nobody pair up! Nobody make out!

This is not as epic as I hoped.

I know!

Who wants to hear a ghost story?

Yeah? Okay.

It was a dark and stormy night.

The wind was whistling
through the bare tree branches.

And suddenly, there was a clap of thunder.

Then what happened?

That's all I got. I really was hoping
the power would be on by now.

Since Fernando's with the electrician,

this is a good time
to meet Dr. Matt Harmon.

- Matt, Kimmy.
- Pleasure to meet you.

Either you're playing charades
or you're choking to death.

She's choking on a mini corn dog!

You're choking on a meatball?

Okay, let me try to help.

I told you it was a mini corn dog.

You saved my life! Thank you!

The electrician said that...
What is this?!

Fernando, it's not what you think.

I think a tall handsome man
was hugging my wife.

- She was just...
- I challenge you.

To a dish wash?

He was saving my life.

I was choking.

My mistake.

Thank you! Thank you for saving
the life of my beloved!

I'm gonna go.

- I am sorry tonight was so weird.
- Why would you say it's weird?

Just because I got slapped
and kissed by the same man?

You're pretty funny
when you've got some tequila in you.

You're pretty cute
when I've had some tequila in me.

I mean, not that I don't always think
that you're cute or...

I'm gonna go before I speak again.

See you Monday.
We're neutering a border collie.

I can't wait.

Did you love Kimmy? She's great, right?

Come on. I'll walk you to your car
and make sure you leave.

I said I was sorry. Three times.

If I say it again,
it starts to lose sincerity.

This is so like you, Fernando. You fly
off the handle at the smallest things!

I can't help it! I'm very possessive
of the things I possess.

You don't possess me.
This is why you never will!

Stop talking like that!

Great.

My party completely sucks and you guys
couldn't even get along for one day.

Ramona!

Honey!

Honey.

I'm so sorry you had to see us argue.

You promised me you would get along.

It was all my fault.

I slapped a strange man
with a rubber glove.

I would like to say
it will never happen again,

but that's what I said
the last time it happened.

I'm so stupid.

I actually got my hopes up that we'd be
a family again, like we used to be.

Ramona, it can't be the same since
your papa and I are no longer together.

But we're still your family.

We both love you so much.

But you guys almost got along
for a whole day.

It was so nice.
Why can't it be like that all the time?

Honey...

there are some people who love each
other, but aren't meant to live together.

But no matter what happens between us,
we will always be your parents.

And we're always going to be here for you.

You promise?

Of course.
And that's a promise I can keep.

Unlike the whole rubber glove business.

Well, thanks for trying.

It was almost a perfect day.

Well, the day's not over.

Get back down there. Have fun.
Your friends are waiting.

Nah, the party was a dud.

They probably all went home by now.

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday, dear Ramona ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

You guys! Thanks for not bailing.

We're here for you, not for the party.

But you might wanna stay off Instagram
for a day or two.

Make a wish. Blow out the candles.

Did you wish for the power
to come back on?

No. I wished for something else.

Alright. Let's get this party restarted!

Alright, take two. Y'all ready for this?

Hey, uh... Do you wanna dance?

- I'm already dancing.
- Uh, okay. Can I dance next to you?

I guess.

That's how you do it.

So are you telling me
no one here is a zombie?

- No.
- What about Jackson?

Okay, he might be part-zombie.

Ugh. Stationery. Who gives stationery?

My mother.

That's her go-to gift since she was fired
from the stationery store

for stealing all the stationery.

I'll use them to write thank-you notes
and send them in the actual mail.

It's gonna be so retro!

- Thank you.
- Love you.

The one good thing
we did in this world was that kid.

- Ramona and you are the loves of my life.
- That's the one thing I don't question.

I admit... I have my faults.
And I make mistakes.

But I'm really, really, really trying
to be a better man for Ramona.

And for you.

I know. And I appreciate that.

Hug?

How about a high-five?

Hmm...

What did I just do?

And why did I do it?

And why did it feel so good?

Max, you're here.

Did you see anything
you weren't supposed to see?

No. Just you two making out.

For, like, a really long time.

Max, I don't want Ramona
or anyone else to find out about this,

so you have to keep this a secret.

Oh. I am terrible at keeping secrets.

I hide all my Halloween candy
in my closet.

Why would I tell you that?

Because I'm terrible at keeping secrets.

Look, if anybody asks any questions,
you say nothing.

I can do that.

- Hey, what's up?
- Nothing!

- What's going on with Max?
- Nothing!

What just happened?