Full House (1987–1995): Season 8, Episode 3 - Making Out Is Hard to Do - full transcript

When invited to Gia's place for a party, Stephanie arrives, but the other kids have more advanced games in mind for the evening.

Okay, boys, put down the crayons.
I gotta show you a great trick.

Okay? Comet.

[SQUEAKING]

Where's the birdie? Where is it?

Go get it.

Go get it, Comet.
Go get the birdie.

[JOEY LAUGHING]

I got him again.

You tricked Comet.

Yeah, but I could never pull
a trick like that on you guys.

No, we're too smart.



[GASPS]

Hey, look.

[ROARS]

Oh, my gosh. An
invisible monster.

[SCREAMING]

Come on, boys. I was kidding. It
was just a joke. Don't tell on me.

- Gotcha.
- Gotcha.

"Gotcha?" I'm
gonna get you guys.

- I just... I can't believe it.
- I'm telling you, they're fake.

Oh, my gosh.

Uh, Michelle, do you think
you could read that downstairs?

- Gia and I wanna talk.
- Nope.

- Why not?
- I wanna listen.

Michelle.



Fine, I'll listen out in the
hallway like I always do.

Guess what, Steph?

Bobby Sand likes you.

I knew it. He was chucking
peas at me at lunch.

You know, one of those little onions
hit me right in the back of the neck.

I told you.

Wow, an eighth grader.

And he is so fine.

So listen, I'm having a few
people over this Friday night.

My mom's working
late at the diner.

We have the house
all to ourselves.

So this can be a real hot
party. You know what I mean?

Jalapeño dip?

Steph, you kill me.

Anyway, I was thinking
of inviting Bobby for you.

Would that be okay?

That would be extremely okay.

[GROANS]

Oh, hey, Dad. How you feeling?

My dad lost his voice.

I guess when you use something
too much, it just shuts down.

Kidding, Dad.

Laughter is the best medicine.

[MOUTHING]

Uh, Dad, Gia's having a
party Friday night. Can I go?

"Adult supervision?" Um...

Mr. Tanner, my mom would
never let me have a party...

without adult supervision.

Which is why I didn't tell her.

MAN [ON RECORDING]:
Rush-Hour Renegades coming at you.

All right, that's right, we are the
Rush-Hour Renegades. I'm Jesse.

- I'm Joey.
- Joey, how many times have I told you?

Finish your chocolate Boing
Boing before you talk on the radio.

Our guest is here, our guest is here.
Ladies and gentlemen, it's Barry Williams.

Come on in, Barry.

- Barry Williams!
- Have a seat, come on in.

Barry, how you doing?

- That's great.
- How you doing?

You guys remember Barry as Greg
from the dynamite show The Brady Bunch.

We are huge fans.
We gotta get down.

We gotta ask you some great
Brady questions, if we may.

Well, guys, those were great years,
but I'd rather talk about my new project.

Kind of exciting,
you know the whole...

Yeah, Barry, we'll get to
that. But listen, here's the deal.

Dad worked, right?
Alice cleaned the house.

What the heck did
mom do, huh? Tell me.

Hey, six kids, one
bathroom. Any fistfights?

Hey, talk to me about this.

What's the deal with those
Latin dad perms you guys did?

- I had one. My dad had one.
- I got a perm just like it.

[WHISTLES]

- The whistle. Alice did that.
- Alice used to do that. That was good.

I'll tell you what, I'll answer
all your Brady questions.

But first I wanna talk about
the new band I put together.

Oh, putting the old Brady
Kids back together? Eh?

With the polyester jumpsuit?

Looks like we'd better gas
up the old eight-track machine.

No, actually, I met
some local musicians.

We started jamming and
one thing led to another.

And we put out a
new CD. In fact...

- I was hoping you guys would play it.
- Are you kidding, Barry? It'd be an honor.

Ladies and gentlemen, we're gonna
hear the latest right now from Barry...

and the Rippers.

Well, now, isn't that a
winky-dink of a coincidence.

Jesse was dumped by a
band called the Rippers.

I'm sure it was a different band.
These guys got rid of their singer...

because he spent more time
moussing his hair than playing his guitar.

You try keeping this cowlick down
with just gel. It doesn't work, man.

Jesse, I'm sorry, man.
I didn't know it was you.

Look, if you don't
want to play the song...

- I understand completely.
- No, Barry, please. I am above this.

Now, that's fine. Let's...
Let's give this song a shot.

That... That's fine.

Ladies and gentlemen, here
we go. Here's the latest from...

Barry and the Rippers.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Well, it's... It's not
bad. It's not bad.

But listen, Barry.
Buddy. Former Brady.

Listen, I've been in the music
business a long time, okay?

Nothing happens overnight, okay?

[BARRY AND THE RIPPERS'
"APRIL GIRLS" PLAYS ON RADIO]

Oh, Uncle Jesse. I'll
just change the station.

No, no, no, Deej. No, fine.
Really, you don't have to.

No, I want to. They've been
playing this song all day.

[CLICKS]

[BARRY AND THE RIPPERS'
"APRIL GIRLS" PLAYS]

What are the odds?

[CLICKS]

[BARRY AND THE RIPPERS'
"APRIL GIRLS" PLAYS]

Pretty darn good.

[CLICKS]

[MAN SPEAKING IN
SPANISH ON RADIO]

That's better.

[BARRY AND THE RIPPERS'
"APRIL GIRLS" PLAYS]

You know, we never talk
anymore. How was your day?

I know you guys are trying to be
sensitive, but I'm cool with this, okay?

But I liked the Rippers better
when Uncle Jesse was in the band.

That's sweet, munchkin.

Before they had a hit song,
and everybody loved them...

and they opened for
the Stones, and they...

- They're opening for the Stones?
- Only on the West Coast.

Michelle, I think that's all the cheering
up Uncle Jesse can stand right now.

- Gotcha.
- Come on, let's go.

Thanks, guys, but listen.
You know, this is no big deal.

I mean, who needs a hit
record? In fact, who needs music?

You're gonna give up music?

Absolutely. In fact, I may never
play another note as long as I live.

No, no, no. My
life is full and rich.

And now it's time to start concentrating
on the important things in life.

So this decision
has nothing to do...

with all the hoopla over
Barry and the Rippers?

"Hoopla?" What hoopla?

Barry is God.

Can you believe they're
opening for the Stones?

Yes, but only on the West Coast.

Come on, boys. Let's go live
our full, rich life somewhere else...

where we don't have
to hear that song.

[SINGING "APRIL GIRLS"]

Hey, how you feeling, Dad?

[DANNY MOUTHING]

Oh, he says his throat feels
better, but he still has no voice.

How did you know the
string bean said that?

After working with him all these
years on Wake Up, San Francisco...

we've developed our own language. I
can practically tell what he's thinking.

I bet you can't wait to get
back to work, huh, Dad?

He says, "Rebecca's doing
such a great job without me...

I don't care if I
ever get back."

"Move over, Oprah. Two
thumbs up for Rebecca."

Dinner will be
ready in 10 minutes.

Oh, thanks, but I'm just gonna
have something at the party.

Deej, do you think you
could give me a ride?

Yeah, sure. Dad?

Got it, Dad. I'll drive as fast as I
can and pick up really cute hitchhikers.

No. No.

It's fun, isn't it?

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Great, Stephanie's here.

- Hey.
- Hi.

Brought Pictionary.

Funny.

Steph, Bobby. Bobby, Steph.

Have fun.

Gia?

You wanna sit?

Yeah, I guess.

Bobby, could you,
like, scoot over a little?

Sure.

Bobby, I just met
you two seconds ago.

But I've seen you at school.

Didn't you feel the
onion I threw at you?

Well, sure I did.

And don't think I
wasn't flattered.

But...

Shouldn't we, like,
talk or something first?

Shh!

Steph, this is not
a talking party.

If we don't start making out,
everyone's gonna think we're dorks.

Wait, wait, wait.

Come on, Steph,
don't you like me?

Bobby, I do like you, but...

Then what's the problem?

I don't know.

Then why don't we kiss
while you figure it out?

Okay.

How long are we
supposed to do this?

Until everyone else stops.

One second.

Steph, what is wrong with you?

Haven't you ever been to
a make-out party before?

Sure I have.

Well, not an official
make-out party.

I'll take that as a no.

I'm sorry. I didn't know it was
gonna be this kind of party.

It's just, I don't wanna
make out with Bobby.

- It feels really awkward.
- I'm really sorry, Steph.

Why don't I call D.J.
and have her pick me up?

- Okay.
- Where's the phone?

Under Jason and Heidi.

Don't mind me.

[PHONE RINGING]

[IN HOARSE VOICE]
Deej? Deej, your phone.

- Hello?
- Deej, you've gotta come pick me up.

Gia's party turned into
this giant make-out session.

Oh?

Just come and get me. And
whatever you do, don't tell Dad.

I kind of let him think that Gia's
mom was gonna be here. Bye.

[BARRY AND THE RIPPERS'
"APRIL GIRLS" PLAYS ON TV]

Oh, no. Not again.

MAN [ON TV]: Yes, Jesse, again.

That's Barry and the
Rippers with "April Girls"...

the song that's been sweeping
the country for the last two months.

Two months?

Welcome to Down Beat: Tragic
Tales of the Music Business.

Today, the story of Jesse
Katsopolis, the lost Ripper.

I'm not lost. I'm
right here, pal.

We talked with Jesse's
friends and family...

to find out more about
this truly pathetic figure.

Okay, all right, so
I married a failure.

I can deal with it.

But it's been really
hard on the boys.

They're so ashamed.

I don't know where the reject is
today, and frankly, I don't care.

All that's left of him is an
Elvis doughnut maker...

and a mousse slick on the couch.

I never really believed
he was my uncle.

I just thought he was this guy
who moved in and used our combs.

The day he left, he
took all the hair dryers.

But it's a small price to pay
to have him out of our lives.

Happy blowing, grease ball.

He always called me munchkin.

I used to think it was cute, But
then I found out what it meant.

A short, funny-looking person.

What a jerk.

I was Jesse's partner on
the radio. And his best friend.

Now I'm dating his wife.

Boing Boing, honey?

You bet, honey.

Last week, in a
Down Beat exclusive...

our "tragicam" finally caught
up with Jesse Katsopolis.

What do you people want from me?

MAN: Jesse, you failed the
music business. You lost everything.

I don't need music.

My life is good now.

I mean, uh...

sure, I've put on
a few pounds...

and developed this
nasty scalp infection.

But I'm getting it
together. All right?

I have a brand new,
beautiful fiancée.

Yes, indeed, I'm back
on top again, all right?

I'm the king of my castle.

KIMMY: Where is that slob?

Hey, baldy.

Gibbler.

You promised to massage my feet.

I remember, sweet.

Well, you are my queen, so...

up on your throne.

There you are, dear.

Well, get to work, you load.
My corns are ready to pop.

I know what you're
thinking out there.

But you can't have
her. She's all mine.

Whoa, look at that one.
That one's really ripe.

Oh, yeah. My, it is ripe.

My life is good.

My life is good.

My life is good.

My...

Come on, Joey.
It'll be better in here.

How could you guys do
this right in front of me?

Joey got cream
filling in his eye.

Those Boing Boings are really packed
under pressure. You grab one, just, pppt...

you know, right in there.

So there's nothing going on between
the two of you? Joey's just an idiot?

Is there a third choice?

I gotta go change my eye.

- Sweetheart, are you okay?
- Honey, I had this horrific dream.

You know, I really do
realize I need music in my life.

I mean, next to you and the boys,
it's the most important thing to me.

Well, I'd say you had
a very successful nap.

I'm gonna stop obsessing
over this Rippers thing.

Otherwise I'm gonna end up a fat,
pathetic has-been with a scalp infection.

By the way, how is my hair?

Perfect as usual.

- Oh, honey, relax. The dream is over.
- I know. I know, honey.

Hey. You guys got
any corn plasters?

[SCREAMS]

[DOORBELL RINGS]

I'll get that. Wouldn't want
anyone to lose their place.

Deej, is that you?

DANNY [IN HOARSE
VOICE]: Open the door, Steph.

Deej, I am so glad you're here.

Dad.

It's somebody's dad.

Dad.

- I know you're angry.
- Oh, this may be a personal best for me.

- Mr. Tanner. Hi.
- Hi.

- Gia?
- Mom. Hi.

How nice, huh? My shift ended
early, so you, uh, threw me a little party.

This place is crawling with
parents. Let's get out of here.

BOY: Let's go. GIRL:
Let's take a walk.

Hey, hey, hey. Nice try.

Do you have any idea what
your daughter's been up to?

Do you have any idea
how ridiculous you sound?

Yes. I have laryngitis.

- He belongs to you, right?
- He's my dad.

That's right. You
two haven't met.

Mr. Tanner, this is Claire...

my beautiful, forgiving mother.

I don't wanna hear it, Gia.

I'll just go to my room.

Steph, why don't you
just go to Gia's room?

I don't know if you realize what's
going on. Where are you going?

- I'm listening. Keep squeaking.
- Funny.

I walk in here, there's
hugging, there's kissing...

there's feet up on the furniture,
there's... You don't even...

That's horrible. What is that? I
don't know where that's been.

I don't know what's in it,
if I can operate machinery.

[IN NORMAL VOICE] I don't
know why my voice is back.

- What's in there?
- Family secret.

So where were we? Oh, yes.

You were attacking the
way I raise my daughter.

No. I mean, how
could you not know...

that your daughter was
having a make-out party?

Well, kind of like the
way you didn't know...

your daughter was going to a
make-out party. Kind of like that.

It's not my fault.
She lied to me.

- Welcome to the club.
- Oh, so there's a club now?

What is it, Parents
of Future Felons?

Yeah, we have a
secret handshake.

Look, I'm sorry.

Maybe it was easier for me to get
mad at you than get mad at myself.

Well, we, you know, could
just both be mad at our kids.

That's a good idea.

You know, the truth is that
Gia's had a really hard time...

ever since her
dad and I split up.

You know, but lately
she was turning around.

God, she quit smoking,
her grades got better.

Steph was having such
a good influence on her.

- Steph's a good kid.
- Gia is too.

Well, I suppose I should
go in there and talk to her.

Mm.

Well, just remember, when
children seem the least lovable...

it means they
need love the most.

Do you always talk
like a fortune cookie?

Actually, it was the thought for the
day on my "Ziggy" desk calendar.

Would you send out my
little codefendant, please?

Yeah, sure.

You know, by the way,
your real voice is kind of nice.

Thanks.

I'm a... I'm a single
parent too, you know.

Mm.

I'll remember that.

Dad?

Listen. I'm really sorry.

- I messed up big time.
- Well, let's see.

You lied shamelessly, you
went to a make-out party.

You got in way over your head.
Yeah, "messed up big time" covers it.

- I know.
- But on the upside...

- There's an upside?
- Small one.

You, uh... You
did the right thing.

- I did?
- Yeah.

Calling home showed
good judgment.

You got yourself in an uncomfortable
situation, but you took control of it.

So does good judgment
cancel out shameless lying?

Steph, let me put it this way.

Before it can soar
like an eagle...

the young baby bird
must first stumble and fall.

And spend two whole weeks
grounded in the nest with no TV.

Hey, is that from
your "Ziggy" calendar?

No, but I'm thinking
of submitting it.

[ENGLISH SDH]