Full House (1987–1995): Season 8, Episode 23 - Michelle Rides Again: Part 1 - full transcript

While out horseback riding, Michelle's horse runs into a tree, throwing her and causing her to hit her head.

Hey, Deej. Wait until you
see the prom dress I bought.

It is so me.

Is that a good thing?

Are you kidding?

Well, of course I haven't
bought the batteries yet.

Duane is gonna love it.

Wow. You have a
date and a dress.

So far my prom's looking like a
bag of chips and a remote control.

You spent your whole year
dating Nelson and Viper.

Nobody knows you're
available. I'll put the word out.

You're not gonna do
anything tacky, are you?



Of course not.

Let me borrow your magic marker.

Kimmy, I don't want my
name on a locker-room wall.

Right. Initials and
phone number.

No. Kimmy. Kimmy.
Kimmy, give it back.

WOMAN: Heels down, Michelle.
Look up and open up your shoulders.

Look at your fence and give your
pony enough time to see that fence.

Good. Open up your
shoulders. Look up.

[WHINNIES]

Good.

- Hey, Michelle, you're doing great.
- Thanks.

All those quarters
we've pumped...

into that horse in front of the
supermarket really paid off.

I'd be even better if I didn't
have to share the time with Joey.



Tsk, tsk. Trot. Tsk, tsk.

WOMAN: Okay,
Michelle. Heels down.

BECKY: Hey. Well, let's see.

Riding hat, riding
pants, riding boots.

Wild guess: you were riding?

And jumping.

She did great. There's something
about being around horses...

that just makes you wanna
shower and shower again.

- Hey, Aunt Becky.
- Hey, Steph.

You're usually home
from school before this.

I stayed late to work on
my scene for drama class.

It's so cool.

We're doing the balcony scene
from Romeo and Juliet, and I'm Juliet.

And Andrew Berkeley is
my Romeo. He's a total babe.

You know, I did that
play in junior high.

Wasn't a lot of fun, though.

Well, I went to
an all-girls school.

In fact, I was Romeo.

Well, the only problem is...

whenever we get to the
kissing part, he just stops.

That's because
you have dry lips.

Excuse me, but I
do not have dry lips.

Oh, yeah? They look like
two sun-dried gummi bears.

Steph, don't listen to
her. Your lips aren't...

You might wanna think about
breathing through your nose.

Chap Stick. I need Chap Stick.

Hey, Beck.

Guess what two wacky
DJs have an audition...

for their own late-night
wacky TV show.

Casey Kasem and Howard Stern?

No and no. I'll give you a hint.

One of them is the
father of your children.

- Well, I said Howard Stern.
- Oh.

No, it's us.

We've come up with a
great concept. Joey, tell her.

You see, Beck, each week
we'll go to an unusual location...

and meet with unusual
people with unusual jobs.

We'll get to experience
just what it's like to be...

[IN GOOFY VOICE] unusual.

Oh, I think you pretty
much got that part down.

[CHUCKLES]

See, for our audition we're gonna
tag-team wrestle Sven and Ingemar...

the Swedish Spleen Stompers.

You know, Jess, if we're gonna be
on live TV with professional wrestlers...

I better go find my tights.

Because, if not, I'm gonna
have to shave my legs.

God, I hope he finds them.

Honey, I think this is great.

But are you sure you have
time for another project?

- We're talking about my own TV show.
- Yeah, I know.

But you already have your own
radio show, band, club and kids.

And your own wife, who likes to
see you more than 12 minutes a day.

Well, there's some things
we'll always have time for.

JOEY: Hey, Jess, can
I borrow your razor?

Gotta go.

Hey, Deej. Great news.

I've had a healthy response to
my search to find you Mr. Right.

Haul it in, boys.

Kimmy, what did you do,
raid a Star Trek convention?

Hey, don't start
getting picky now.

Oh, by the way. Are you a stickler
for stuff like personal hygiene?

Call me weird, but yes.

Rats. Bachelors 2
and 5, hit the showers.

Congratulations, Kimmy.
You've hit an all-time low.

Come on, at least talk to
them. You've got nothing to lose.

- Except my dignity.
- That's the attitude.

[D.J. SIGHS]

So.

Try not to startle them.

Have any of you guys
ever been to a dance?

With a woman?

Who wasn't in your family?

Okay, thank you.
We'll get back to you.

Okay, boys. Haul it back out.

- Where are you going?
- I'm driving the van.

I gotta get them back
for their allergy shots.

Oh.

- Hi.
- Hi.

My name's Elizabeth.

And that's my horse,
Sir Reginald III.

I'm Michelle and this is my
horse, Old Pepper Mill the Rented.

Are you going to be in the
jumping competition next week?

It's really cool.

Sounds like fun. What
do you think, Pepper Mill?

If you like the idea,
just stand there.

He loves it.

Great, I'll see you there.

[WHINNYING]

Hey, honey. You
were fantastic out there.

You know what? I think maybe
you missed a spot. Let me, please.

[BLOWS]

When you're done with that horse,
could you comb out my little girl's?

Heh. I'm a parent,
not a groomer.

Oh, I'm sorry. You just
had the air of stable help.

In that case, I'll take
the dollar. Thank you.

Dad, guess what? There's
a jumping contest next week.

And I really want to be in it.

So does Pepper Mill.
He practically begged me.

I don't know, Michelle.
You just started jumping.

To enter those contests
you need a formal riding outfit.

Costs a lot of money.

I don't mind.

[LAUGHS]

Yeah, I'm sure you don't.

Before I make that commitment I wanna
make sure you're gonna stick with riding...

longer than you stuck with ballet
and soccer and raising sea monkeys.

I think you're making
a very wise decision.

Thank you. I'm sure, as
a parent, you understand.

Absolutely. Losing a competition
can be very traumatic for a young child.

I think you're missing my
little parenting point here.

- Hmm?
- This isn't about winning or losing.

Ha-ha-ha. Of course it isn't.
Especially if you're losing.

You wouldn't want to get
her hopes up for nothing.

I don't know if you saw
Michelle riding out there...

but if she entered,
she could win.

Enjoy your little fantasy.

Because in reality, my Elizabeth
wins this competition every year.

Oh, really? Well, not this year because
Michelle Tanner's gonna kick your butt.

Come along, Elizabeth. This is
why you don't go to public school.

Come along, Michelle.
We're going shopping.

But I thought you didn't want to
spend all that money on new stuff.

Yes, but that's before
I was just reminded...

how much money we're gonna
save by sending you to public school.

[DOOR OPENS]

- Hey.
- Hey, Dad.

Oh. Camera and a
saddle. Big date tonight?

No. This saddle's
gonna be ridden...

by the best-dressed rider in the
Bayview Junior Equestrian Competition.

I proudly give you the
lovely Michelle Tanner.

Wow, Michelle.

Hey, if we gave you a lantern, you
could stand out on the front lawn.

Thanks for buying me this
stuff. But what if I don't win?

Don't worry, winning
is not everything.

I'm glad to hear that.

Yeah. Long as you beat that
Elizabeth girl with the loudmouth mother.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

I'll get that.

[CHUCKLES]

Michelle, scram.

- Oh, hi Andrew. Come in.
- Hi.

So you all ready to
rehearse a little Shakespeare?

You bet. I've been
reading the play all day.

Yeah, me too.

Do you understand it?

- Not a word.
- Me neither.

[CHUCKLES]

Michelle, I said out.

Why do I have to leave?

Because I said so.

Steph, it might be a good
idea to have an audience.

Exactly what I was thinking.

[CHUCKLES]

So why don't we take it
from where we left off?

Right before the kiss.

Now this I've gotta see.

My bounty is as boundless
as the sea, my love as deep.

The more I give to thee, the
more I have, for both are infinite.

Uh... This is where you scale the
balcony. But for now, just use the stairs.

Right. Heh.

I hear some noise
within. Dear love, adieu.

And we kiss. End of scene.

I knew it. Dry lips.

Excuse me?

That's okay, I don't blame
you. It's like kissing a cactus.

Michelle...

What's the big deal? I didn't
tell him you have a crush on him.

Pardon me, Andrew,
whilst I breaketh her bones.

- Dry lips, dry lips, dry lips.
- Michelle.

ANDREW: I'll let
you two work this out.

- Listen, Andrew...
- See you later, Steph.

I can't believe you would do this
to me. I'm never gonna forgive you.

I guess dry lips
make people cranky.

Uncle Jesse, can we talk?

Absolutely. But not right now,
I've got too many things going on.

Joey and I gotta work on some holds
for this wrestling thing we're doing.

Is it important, munchkin?

Well, I'm just really worried
about this jumping competition.

Oh, you're gonna be great.

You're gonna knock
them dead, kill them...

you're gonna do whatever it
is you do at those competitions.

- Jump.
- Oh, yeah. Okay, you're gonna do that.

Well, I'm glad you're
gonna be there on Saturday.

Well, hold that gladness, shorty.
I don't think I'm gonna be able to.

I got so many things going on.

The books for the Smash
Club, rehearse with the band...

find a new band for the
Smash Club, this wrestling thing.

I don't have time to
finish this sentence.

You just did.

Oh, see. I'm behind already.

I'm sorry, kiddo.
You'll be great.

[IMITATING WRESTLER]
Ah! Behold, the Masked Marvel.

More like the Masked Meathead.

Come on. We're gonna be in
the ring with professional wrestlers.

We gotta look the part. Everything's
gotta be big and theatrical.

Now throw another pillow on this
couch and check out this entrance.

[GROWLING]

[SCREAMS]

[THUD]

Joey.

[WEAKLY] Yes?

Do you wanna just
skip the entrance?

Okay. Yeah, I think so.

- That's a good idea, Jesse.
- Get up. Get up.

We gotta practice some wrestling
holds so we don't look like fools, okay?

- Okay.
- I'm over here.

- You're over there.
- Right.

Come here. I'm gonna
put you in a headlock.

- Okay.
- Bend over.

[BOTH GRUNTING]

Can we play too, Daddy?

Boys, we're not
playing. We're working.

You got a weird job.

That's because I have a
weird partner. What's next?

Now, Jess, I do what's
called an escape.

Which is?

[BOTH GRUNTING]

[GROWLING]

Hey, are you okay?

I think I bruised a sideburn.

- We'll help you,
Daddy. JESSE: No, no.

No, boys. Don't help, okay?
Just go sit down over there.

You're no fun anymore.

There's time to have fun
and there's time to be serious.

Right now, it's time to be serious.
Joey, put your ankle in my armpit.

Come on, Jess, let's try this.

Lay down flat on the mat and
put one of your legs up in the air.

Nothing personal.

Okay. All right.

Now put that leg up in the air.

I come over like
this, I grab your foot...

Uh-uh.

- I put my leg over like this.
- Uh-huh.

- I put that hand there, and then...
- Aah! Aah!

Why are you twisting my ankle?

- So that this will feel good.
- What?

[GRUNTING]

You got my legs all locked up.

- Hence the name "leg lock."
- How do we unlock them?

Well, either I put my foot
around your neck like this...

- Mm-hm.
- And:

- Uhn!
- Oh-ho-ho. Ow, ow, ow.

This isn't working.

The other way...

is to get the Big Book of Wrestling
Holds off my bed and see what it says.

Boys? Boys, here's your
chance to help Daddy.

Run upstairs and get the
big book off Joey's bed.

Sorry, you said don't help.

Let's go, brother.

JESSE: Boys.

This is your fault. Come here
so I can smack you on the head.

- Come here. Come here.
- Hmm?

ANNOUNCER [OVER PA]:
Welcome to Bayview Equestrian Center.

Hi, Michelle.

Elizabeth, I wanted to
wish you good luck today.

And tell your horse too.

Thanks. Good
luck to you guys too.

Hey, beautiful. How's
my favorite junior jumper?

I'm okay, but Old Pepper
Mill could use a pep talk.

Ah. I can handle that.
All right, Pepper Mill.

I am going to tell you the same
thing my track coach told me...

right before my very
first big track meet:

"Tanner, you keep
those water bottles filled."

[GRUNTS]

Might not apply here.

[SINGSONG] Elizabeth.

Oh, there's my little champion.

Now, Elizabeth, don't forget.

After you win, we're going out
for a big victory dinner. Hmm?

Michelle, after you win we're
going out for a big victory dinner.

And a victory movie.

Now, Elizabeth, remember what your
instructor told you about visualizing.

Picture yourself jumping
and clearing the hurdles.

Michelle, you picture yourself jumping
and clearing those exact same hurdles...

only jumping higher and faster.

How dare you steal our visualizations.
I paid good money for those.

ANNOUNCER: Our next rider is
Alison Staff. She's on Lightning.

[APPLAUSE]

Dad, we really need to
get ready for the contest.

I'll see you in the
winner's circle.

Winner's circle? I guess you'll
be there to congratulate us.

ANNOUNCER: Our last senior contestant
is Julia McConnell, riding Speed.

[APPLAUSE]

Riding used to be fun.

Yeah, before
parents got involved.

I've got an idea.

Why don't we skip the contest
and just go riding on the trail for fun?

Tanner, you're a genius.

This is going to be great.

Yeah. Hey, let's head out to
the trail. Come on. Tsk, tsk, tsk.

ELIZABETH: So fun.

- Hey.
- Hey. How's Michelle doing?

She's doing great. She's ready
to roll, she's chomping at the bit.

Actually, that was Pepper Mill.

Mama, we want a horse.

Okay. I'll get you
one when you're older.

How old?

Old enough to carry a shovel.

WOMAN: Now presenting
our Junior Jumper Competition.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

Where's my Elizabeth?
She's not there.

[CHUCKLES]

Guess her kid couldn't
handle the pressure.

Dad, Michelle's
not out there, either.

You just told me
she was chomping.

That was the horse.

He's missing too.

Okay. We'll be
right back, stay here.

- She's not in there. Where could she be?
- I don't know.

- What are you doing here?
- I rearranged stuff.

I'm gonna do the books tonight
and check out that band next week.

If I keep talking, we're
gonna miss the competition.

I'm glad, but we
gotta find Michelle.

- What? Where is she?
- I don't know.

Hold on, guys.

Excuse me, sir.

You seen a little girl,
blond hair, about yay high...

with just the cutest darn
smile and a big smelly horse?

You know, I never thought
I'd get a chance to say this...

but they went thataway.

- Can we borrow these horses?
- Help yourself.

JESSE: Thank you.
- They ain't mine.

Excuse me, sir, would it be okay if I
borrowed this little horse right here?

[HORSE WHINNIES]

That ain't a horse, greenhorn.
That's a burro. Name's Milton.

Milton Berle. What else?

Let's go. Come
on, Milton. Let's go.

I like riding a horse when
you don't have to win anything.

Yeah, it's cool.

Hey, wanna jump that log?

Yeah. Let's do it.

Tsk. Ho. Tsk.

Come on, Michelle.

[HORSE NEIGHING]

[MICHELLE SCREAMS]

Michelle! Michelle.

DANNY: Whoa, whoa.

Michelle, are you
okay? Michelle, wake up.

- Ho. Ho. ELIZABETH:
Michelle, wake up.

She fell off her horse.

Michelle? Don't move her.

I think she hit her head.

Oh, my gosh. What
happened? Is she okay?

I don't know. Michelle?
Can you hear me, honey?

DANNY: Honey?

[DANNY SIGHS]

JOEY: Next time, on Full House:

I am so sorry I put so
much pressure on you.

That's okay.

Who are you?

Well, memory loss is very
common with head injuries.

Come on in, Michelle.
Don't be scared.

Do you remember us?

Aren't you the nice
people I met at the hospital?

Jesse's our uncle.

Right, the guy with the hair.

I know you all want me
to remember, but I can't.

I'm sorry.

What if she never remembers us?

We're family. We're
gonna get through this.

Yeah, we'll do
whatever it takes.

[ENGLISH SDH]