Full House (1987–1995): Season 8, Episode 12 - D.J.'s Choice - full transcript

Both Nelson and Viper compete to be D.J.'s boyfriend. Nelson hires FRANKIE VALLI (himself) to serenade her. Michelle leads the family on a crusade to clean up a vandalized playground.

Big day at the
playground today, guys.

I'm gonna teach you how to
swing without anybody pushing you.

- Impossible.
- Can't be done.

All you have to do is learn
how to pump your legs.

Watch me and do what I do.

Come on, boys.

Not everything I do,
huh? Just the leg pumping.

Now swing your legs in and out.

In and out.

In and out.

But we're not going anywhere.



Told you it can't be done.

You see? Cuckoo.

Hey, thanks for letting me tag
along with you guys to the street fair.

Yeah, well, this year remember that
nachos and the Tilt-A-Whirl don't mix.

You're telling me. I
really liked that sweater.

Thank you.

Hola, Deej.

Hi, Kimmy. Hi, Nelson.

Hi, D.J. It's good
to see you again.

What are you doing?

Checking your eyesight.

You've got 8 trillion dollars
and you're dating Gibbler.

Gibbler? No. No, no.

We're just... We're friends.



Well, I was hoping we'd
be a little more than friends.

Like husband and wife.

So, Deej, I suppose I'll be meeting
this guy you've been seeing, huh?

- Viper.
- Viper.

Let me guess. You
didn't meet at the library?

He plays the guitar in
my Uncle Jesse's band.

He's running a little late.

"Old boyfriend meets new boyfriend,"
on a very special Jerry Springer.

Uh, Nelson, you know that you're
going to the street fair with a legend.

Kimmy won the pie-eating
contest three years in a row.

It's a gift. I got it from my mom.
She can swallow a Frisbee whole.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

That's Viper.

Well, time to warm
up the old chops.

Hey.

Pineapple cheesecake.

This is not gonna be pretty.

Do you believe in being honest?

I believe in saying hello.

Deej, I could beat around the bush.
I could stall. I could hem and haw.

You could just say it.

Okay.

I think things between
us are moving too fast.

You probably feel the same way.
Like you need a little room to breathe.

I was breathing fine until
you started talking like this.

Well, it's just, you
know, one day we meet...

and the next thing you
know we're a couple.

So, what are you saying?
We're breaking up?

I guess I am.

I don't understand. I
thought everything was great.

It's not you. It's
me, okay? I just...

I need a little space.

I'm sorry, Deej.

I gotta go.

[CHUCKLING]

Gibbler just gobbled
that pie in one minute two.

Just:

[GRUNTS]

Well, I guess we better get
going. Where's this "Viper" guy?

Oh, um...

He just dropped by to
say that he couldn't make it.

Oh.

- You okay?
- Yeah, fine.

No, you're not.
What's the matter?

Viper just broke up with me.

Oh, Deej.

It's okay. It's okay, Deej.

I feel awful. I never
even saw it coming.

I know how that feels.

Oh.

Hey, if you felt this bad when
I did it to you, I'm really sorry.

The thing to remember
is the pain does go away.

I hope so.

But it is replaced by this
big empty hollow feeling.

Let's hit the swings.

My playground.

- What a mess.
- Michelle, who did that?

I'll tell you who did
that. Dad, who did that?

I don't know, Michelle.

There's people who
take out their anger...

on other people's property.

- Shame on them.
- Double shame.

You said it, guys.

I wanna go home, Dad.

Okay, honey. Let's go.

All right, thanks a lot.

So, Danny, what's
the word from city hall?

Well, the word is there's still
65 vandalized playgrounds...

that have to be
fixed up ahead of us.

They're still cleaning off park
walls that say, "Disco sucks."

No playground? Nicky and
Alex will never learn to pump.

Oh, yes they will. Now, if the
city's not gonna get involved...

then I say we take
some action ourself.

Every kid has the
God-given right to pump.

He's right. We're gonna
get the neighborhood...

to help rebuild that playground.

The slide's gonna
be "slidier"...

and the monkey bars
are gonna be "monkey-ier."

"Monkey-ier?"

You get the idea.

This is gonna be the best
playground any kid's ever played in.

Yeah, with big, wide, sturdy
swings with plenty of room...

so the chains don't squeeze
your car keys into your thighs.

Well, because kids hate that.

[COMET BARKS]

- Hey, Comet.
- Hi, Comet.

Nelson, thanks for
taking us to the street fair.

I had a blast.

Not me. It was the
worst day of my life.

You're just bitter because you
were disqualified from the contest.

Man, you swallow one fork.

Well, on that note, I
think it's time to free Willy.

Nelson, thanks for
winning me this monkey.

It was so cute how you
kept trying and trying.

I knew I'd knock down those
milk bottles sooner or later.

Yeah, $700 later.

Uh, so you had a
good time today?

Yeah, yeah. Thanks to you.

For a while there, I actually
forgot I've been dumped.

You know, D.J., any guy
that would dump you...

would have to
be out of his mind.

Aw, why can't all guys
be as sweet as you?

Why can't all girls
be as pretty as you?

Thanks for a great day,
Nelson. I really had fun.

Did something just happen here?

I don't know.

Maybe you'd like to talk about
it over dinner Saturday night?

Yeah, that'd be nice.

Great. See you then.

[COMET BARKS]

Steph, Nelson will be here
any second. How do I look?

Like you're going out
with a million bucks.

What is this? Three nights in
a row for you two wacky kids?

Yeah. It's starting to
feel kind of comfortable.

Like a big couch
filled with money?

It's not the money.

I mean, once I gave Nelson a chance,
I saw this whole other side to him.

He's so sweet and sensitive...

and I could never talk to
Viper the way I talk to him.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

That's him.

- Hi, Nels... Viper.
- I've been walking around...

for three days just
thinking about you.

And I realized that breaking up with
you is the dumbest thing I ever did.

Please, take me back.

Take you back? There is no
way D.J. is taking you back.

You're not gonna
take him back, are you?

- Deej, come on, we gotta talk.
- No, no, not tonight. We're going out.

You are not going
out. You're staying in.

You wanted your space.
Enjoy the living room.

This is better than 90210.

I'm sorry, Viper. We're late.

I don't believe this. What
does she see in that guy?

Well, let's see. She sees
sensitivity. She sees caring.

She sees a beach
house on both coasts.

Well, I'm not rolling
over for Richie Rich.

I'm getting D.J. back.

D.J.: Thanks, Nelson. I
had a great time tonight.

Really? You know, you
seemed kind of distracted...

during dinner.

Dinner? Oh, no,
thanks. I just ate.

Deej, I know you've been
thinking about that guy "Wiper."

You know it's Viper.

And I really cared about him.

And I really care about you.

Man, and I thought
trigonometry was complicated.

Look, Deej. I just want
you to know I'm here for you.

I'm gonna be home, but
you know what I mean.

I'll call you tomorrow?

- Okay. Good night, Nelson.
- Good night.

[SINGING] D.J.

Is there anything
that I could say

To change your mind

And let me stay?

'Cause I'm just sittin' here

Wastin' away every day

Living without you

- Oh, Viper.
- Deej, I miss you so much.

I missed you too.

NELSON: Deej,
you forgot your f...

What's going on here?

Uh, Nelson, this
isn't what it looks like.

Oh, thank God.

Because it looked like
you guys were kissing.

Viper was just singing this
beautiful song that he wrote for me.

Oh, really?

Must have been tough to
sing with your mouth full.

You don't have to
explain anything to him.

D.J., do you know
what you're doing?

This guy broke your heart. What
makes you think he won't again?

I know, you're right.

How do I know you're not
gonna do that to me again?

I mean, Nelson was there
for me when I needed him.

He wasn't there for you. He
just moved in on a weak moment.

No, it wasn't like that.

Well, maybe I was a little hurt
and confused and vulnerable.

D.J. You know it wasn't like that. We
have something beautiful between us.

Yeah, your wallet.

- Listen, I'm getting D.J. back.
- Yeah, well, forget it.

D.J. knows I would
never break her heart.

Well, that's not
gonna happen again.

- It was a mistake.
- You're a mistake.

- Wanna take this outside?
- I'm not afraid of you.

I'm not afraid of you.

My chauffeur can rip
you limb from limb, pal.

Hey. You guys, stop it, okay?

I can't stand to see
you act this way.

Now, I'm gonna make a decision.

I just need more time.

[TOOLS BUZZING]

[PEOPLE CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]

This hammer's a lot
heavier than I remember.

Ow! Bud.

This is not a public
hammer, toolbox brain.

This happens to be a
Katsopolis family hammer, okay?

My great-grandfather used this
hammer to build his house in Greece.

He passed it down
to my grandfather...

who then passed it down to my father,
who told me never to let you touch it.

I love this hammer.

Okay. All right, fine. I'll
just go crank up the saw.

That is, unless you have some
bizarre emotional attachment...

to that piece of hardware too.
Okay, I'm just kidding. Okay.

DANNY: Okay, Jess, I
picked up the supplies.

I also put together this spiffy
construction outfit. How do I look?

Like one of The Village People.

Come on, Jess. I
wanna build something.

Use tools. Get dirt
near my fingernails.

All right, all right.

- Take out your crescent wrench.
- Crescent wrench. Crescent wrench.

Let me check the
diagram. Crescent wrench.

I am here, my hammer is
here. Left is west, right is east.

There are four
quarts in a gallon.

- Crescent wrench would be...
- Crescent wrench is over... Here it is.

- I would've gotten there eventually.
- Take the crescent wrench...

and go tighten the
nuts on the teeter-totter.

Sir, yes, sir.

Now I know why they
wear these hard hats.

I know that now.

Bubble brain.

What are you doing? Get
to work. Saw something.

[IMITATING POPEYE] Get to
work. Saw something, you bully.

If I had my spinach...

I'd saw something, that's
right. I'll see what you saw.

[LAUGHING LIKE POPEYE]

I'll saw something.

JOEY [IN NORMAL VOICE]: Oh, no.

Did I just hear an, "Oh, no"
from a man with a power saw?

Oh, uh, no.

- What happened?
- I...

Well, I just took off a little
piece of my finger. Ow.

As long as nothing
happened to my hammer.

JOEY: Uh...

Jess, don't panic, okay? It
was an accident, all right?

You could still use it. You
could use it for small things.

Like thumbtacks, you know?

Thumbtacks.

You know what?
I'm not gonna kill you.

I'm not gonna kill you
here. You know why?

Because you forgive me.

Too many witnesses.

All right, she's tightened
up. Let's try her out.

Dad? Great teeter, but
I'm not seeing much totter.

Okay.

- Kimmy, did you gain weight?
- Yeah, I'm up to 260 now.

I must have over tightened it.

- Let's all push together.
- All right, on three. Three.

Whoa!

[THUD]

Excellent dismount. She
really nailed that landing.

D.J.: Viper, what are you doing here?
- You won't talk to me.

You won't return my phone calls.

I gotta know. What's
your decision?

D.J., we gotta talk.

Guys, look, believe me, I've
been agonizing over this, okay?

It's not like picking
out a pair of shoes.

I wanna make the right choice.

And I'm sorry, I haven't
made a decision yet.

Good. Because I just
wanna let you know...

that I might not be able
to write a song for you...

or sing it to you, but I
can show you how I feel.

Now, you've heard of
the Four Seasons, right?

Summer, fall, winter, spring?

And Frankie Valli.

[THE FOUR SEASONS' "CAN'T TAKE
MY EYES OFF YOU" PLAYING OVER P.A.]

Where's the music coming from?

I had the park wired last night.

[SINGING "CAN'T TAKE
MY EYES OFF YOU"]

Thank you. Oh, that was
beautiful. I don't know what to say.

Say yes to Nelson.

He's a nice guy.
And he pays in cash.

Excuse me. Mr. Valli,
I'm a huge fan of yours.

I really am. My name
is Danny Tanner.

D.J., how can you compare
buying a love song to writing one?

Feelings are feelings.

And right now, I think
D.J. knows who loves her.

And that's why she's
leaving here with me.

- In your dreams.
- In your nightmares.

Look, you guys. That's enough, okay?
Don't fight over me. I'm not a trophy.

I can't take this pressure.

If you're forcing
me to choose...

I'm sorry, I'm
choosing neither of you.

- I blew it.
- No, I blew it worse.

- No. I blew it worse.
- No, I blew...

- Don't tell me you blew it.
- See what I did...?

- I blew it worse...
- Then I just...

Guys, you both blew it worse.

I still get paid, don't I?

Hey, Deej, you all right?

Aunt Becky, I just
blew off two great guys.

Am I totally out of my mind?

No. It may not seem like it
now, but you did the right thing.

- I did?
- Absolutely.

Nelson and Viper are both nice guys
but if either had been the guy for you...

you would've been
able to choose one.

You're a smart girl, Deej. Listen
to your heart. Don't ever settle.

Thanks, Aunt Becky.

Think I'll ever find
that guy for me?

Oh, I know you will. I did.

What's so funny?
What's so funny?

Get up there. And we're
flying. There you go.

That's it. Pump. Pump
your legs. Way to go.

We are big boys now.

DANNY: There we go.

- What a great day.
- It really was. It was great.

We got to rebuild a
playground. I got to use tools.

Look at this, everybody. Frankie
Valli autographed my hardhat.

- That's great.
- That's really cool.

Wait a minute. Where's Joey?

Joey?

Oh, Joey.

We had this little spat
over a hammer, see?

And I had this staple gun and...

I'll be right back.

Jess?

Okay, Jess, game's over.

Good dog. Good
doggie. Good do...

Oh, don't even think about it.

There's a fire
hydrant over there.

Oh, oh, oh.

Is that wet?

Oh!

Jess!

[ENGLISH SDH]