Full House (1987–1995): Season 7, Episode 4 - Tough Love - full transcript

Stephanie, come
here. You gotta see this.

This is going to be great.

Michelle, don't tell me you're
still trying to make that sock talk.

Well, he can't walk.

Come on, I've been practicing.
I'm really good now. Watch.

[CLEARS THROAT]

JOEY [IN HIGH VOICE]: Hi. My
name's Mr. Pigsley. What's yours?

How...?

- How...? JOEY: Oh, nice
to meet you, How How.

Michelle, it's amazing how
you threw your voice like that.

In fact, it sounds like you
threw it from this closet.



JOEY: Don't go
near that closet door.

Oh, no, no, no.

[IN DEEP VOICE] Oh, no, no, no.

Oh, yeah, well, the inspection's
over. There's no moths, no termites.

I'll see you ladies in
about six months or so.

Okay. Yeah, well, that
takes care of that there.

So that's how I did it.

All right, squirts, go
get Mommy. Go get her.

Get her. Get her.

[BECKY SQUEALING]

- Aim for Daddy. Aim for the hair.
- Hey, this was supposed to be fun.

BECKY: Get the hair.
- Not the hair. Back off.

BECKY: Get him. Get the hair.
- Watch the... Sit. Heel.

- Look out! BECKY:
Don't let him get away.



JESSE: Watch the hair.
- Get Dad's 'do.

So, Joey, since
Vicky's in town...

I thought it'd be fun for the
family to go out to dinner tonight.

Oh, that's great. I know
this really nice Chinese place.

No, no, Michelle
doesn't like Chinese food.

Oh, come on, Danny. Since when?

Since we walked past that
restaurant in Chinatown...

and she saw all those
ducks hanging in the window.

Okay, so let's see. We
need a place for 10 people.

JESSE: Look out. Get Mommy.
BECKY: Come on, Alex, let's go. Get Dad.

Get Daddy! Come
on, get him, get him!

Get Uncle Joey.

[BECKY SQUEALING]

Yeah, yeah, we need
a place for 10 people.

A place that doesn't mind a little
noise, a little water, a little chaos.

How about the galley
of a Viking ship?

How about your
kitchen and I'll cook?

The girls are particular
about what they eat.

If we're gonna be married, I have
to get used to cooking for the family.

And I promise, no hanging ducks.

- Uncle Danny.
- Oh, whoa!

Whoa. Thank you.
Thank you very much.

Thanks. My face was
feeling a little parched.

- Aunt Becky.
- Okay, all right, all right.

- Enough. Time to settle down.
- All right, you heard Mommy.

Let's settle down now.
There you go, buddy.

Hey, you heard Mommy.
She said settle down.

Maybe you'll
understand this language.

Eat water, buddy.
You eat water, buddy.

You eat water. Look out.

Get him now. Get
Daddy. Get Nicky.

- They're totally out of control.
- Yeah. Two little devils.

Identical Tasmanians.

[IMITATING TASMANIAN
DEVIL GRUMBLING]

Squirt, squirt, squirt, Daddy.

Oh, come on,
they're not that bad.

Of course, I'm dry
and I don't live here.

Vicky, I love Nicky and Alex.

They don't listen, they're into everything,
and they won't sleep in their own beds.

I know they're just
toddlers, but they could

at least be taught to
put away their toys.

Danny, that's mine.

[IMITATING GONZO] Hey,
the big guy sat on my nose.

[CHUCKLES]

[NOSE HONKS]

I could watch you
mince for hours.

You have been.

MICHELLE: Okay.
A little to the left.

A little to the right. Easy.

Easy.

Michelle, next you make a
diorama, put a window in it.

Michelle, what a great
model of the solar system.

Thank you.

We live right here on the third
Ping-Pong ball from the grapefruit.

Michelle, that is the most
beautiful thing you have ever made.

As soon as I find a magnet big
enough, it's going up on the fridge.

You can't, Daddy. This is
for the science fair next week.

Sure hope the sun doesn't rot.

[DANNY LAUGHS]

Okay, Steph, let's go.

You couldn't grow a nice little
lima bean like everyone else.

- Hi.
- Hey, everybody.

VICKY: Hey.
- Hey, what's cooking?

- I'm making pizza and spaghetti.
- All right.

- Are you guys hungry?
- You're new around here, aren't you?

Vicky, I got to admit...

I was a little concerned
about this whole dinner thing.

I'm real relieved you're
making pizza and spaghetti.

- They're proven kid-pleasers.
- Don't you worry.

They are going to love it.

Spaghetti al pesto
and goat-cheese pizza.

Oh, yeah, kids just love a
steaming hunk of goat cheese.

Daddy. Daddy.

Daddy. Daddy.

[BARKS]

Shh!

Be quiet. I'm playing hide-and-go-seek.
Come on, get out of here.

Hey, Comet...

they're putting a new fire
hydrant in down the street. Go. Go.

Come on, get out.

ALEX: I found you.
- You guys found me.

You found me. Thanks, Comet.

That's the last time I
loan you my cream rinse.

[BARKS]

All right. All right, guys.
This time, let's switch here.

This time, you guys hide,
and I'll seek you, okay?

Ready? I'm gonna count. Go
hide, and I'm gonna count, okay?

One, two, three...
four, five, six, se...

[LAUGHING]

[JESSE CHUCKLES]

You guys... No. Let's go over
the concept one more time.

You guys hide and I find
you. Now, go. I'll count.

Go hide.

Go hide.

Go hide.

All right. One, two...

[GASPS]

Stop it! Stop it!

Daddy! My planets!

Oh, no. Why'd you guys have to
do this? I worked so hard on this.

Hey, hey, hey, what's going
on? What's all the mayhem...?

Alex, Nicky, what
did you guys do?

- What happened?
- What's going on, honey?

Daddy, Nicky and Alex
wrecked my solar system.

Look, it's leaking sun juice.

Oh, sweetheart, that's terrible.

But I'm sure it was
just an accident.

Michelle, we are so sorry.

Michelle, Nicky and Alex probably
don't realize they did anything wrong.

But I told them to stop.
Why didn't they listen?

Well, Michelle, children
have to be taught to listen.

Who's supposed to teach them?

Well, in many cases,
it's the people...

the people who are responsible
for their growth and well-being.

Who's that?

Well, in most cultures,
that would usually be...

the parents.

Way to go.

Well, Michelle, now, I'm sure
Nicky and Alex feel very bad.

All right, boys, now, you tell
your cousin that you're sorry.

I'm sorry, Michelle.

Are you really sorry?

- No.
- No.

- No. JOEY: All right.

I'll take the boys before they
incriminate themselves any further.

[IN NEW YORK ACCENT] All right, you two,
come on, let's go. Get in the squad car.

You have the right to one
phone call and one clean diaper.

Let's go. Over here.

Michelle, we feel terrible. I
promise you we'll make this up to you.

Yeah, we're sorry. You know
what? I'll help you rebuild this.

I remodeled the whole attic.
Certainly, I can rebuild a solar system.

There's no plumbing over
there in space, is there?

Okay, you're not laughing.

Michelle, when a person is honestly
sorry, a big person will forgive them.

But I'm a little person.

Yeah, well, I'm
talking about inside.

Inside, I'm even littler.

Sweetheart, by big I mean a
person who's generous and forgiving.

Isn't that the kind of person
you wanna grow up to be?

Okay. I forgive you.

- Thank you, sweetheart.
- Thanks, Michelle.

DANNY: That's my big girl.

Come here. Now, do
me a favor, would you?

Run downstairs and put
the sun in the juicer, okay?

I'll be down in just
a minute to join you.

Now, guys, I...

I know how you feel about
getting unsolicited advice.

That's not gonna stop you
from offering some, right?

No, no. Because
this is important.

I mean, I love Nicky and Alex,
but they're way out of control.

Oh, come on, they're
not out of control.

All right, I admit, they're a little...
What's the word I'm looking for?

- Feisty?
- "Feisty" is a good one.

- And I'll even give you...
- Rambunctious.

Rambunctious. But there's no
way that my kids are out of control.

- I mean... JOEY:
Nicky, Alex, my watch.

[TOILET FLUSHES]

Jess, they're out of control.

Well, all right, maybe they're a wee
out of control, but they're not way out.

- All I'm saying is kids need limits.
- Well, we set limits.

I mean, the other day, when they
got into your makeup, what did we do?

Actually, we took a picture.

You should've seen it.

They all had lipstick
all over their face.

- We made doubles.
- For you.

But after that, we got firm
and we set them down...

and we gave them a good firm scrubbing.
They had lipstick all over their lips.

- Then I got another picture and...
- It was just...

Uh... Honey, I'm
afraid Danny's right.

We can't wait until the boys
are knocking off liquor stores.

- We gotta tighten things up here.
- Yeah, right, tight.

- I got it. I hear you guys.
- You're sure?

You're Mr. Softy when
it comes to the boys.

- We have to make a commitment.
- I'm making a commitment.

You guys are right. No
more Mr. Softy, okay?

In fact, I'm gonna start laying
down the law right about now.

What are you gonna do?

Well, first off, I'm gonna go
fish Joey's watch out of the toilet.

- I'm glad you're all here.
- What's the big secret, Dad?

If you called us here to tell
us that sweater's out of style...

we've known for three years.

It has nothing to
do with this sweater.

Now, you all know that Vicky has been
working very hard on this dinner tonight.

So if any of you
happen to see anything...

that's, you know, new and
unusual on your plates...

taste it, experience it.

And then, if you still
don't like it, choke it down.

Boy, Dad, you got
our mouths watering.

- This could be really nasty.
- I hope there's enough.

Dad, about that new and unusual food,
I don't have a problem with the new...

but I have some concerns
about the unusual.

Does unusual mean gross?

Okay.

You know how you two have been
asking for advances in your allowances?

Well, how does $2 sound?

Not as good as 5.

Okay, 5 it is.

But you're gonna pay
me back when you're 30.

I can't believe I just did this.

Okay, everyone, I hope you like it.
Steph, can I give you a piece of pizza?

Sure.

- What's that crumbly white stuff?
- Oh, that's goat cheese.

What part of the
goat is the cheese?

Is it supposed
to smell like that?

Not that that's a bad smell.

Oh, don't worry. The
cheese is just a little ripe.

The spaghetti's
not. It's still green.

No, honey, that's pesto sauce.
It's supposed to be green.

Yeah, yeah, you know,
green, like a $5 bill.

- Looks great.
- Green's my favorite color.

Good.

Well, Nicky and Alex
are certainly enjoying it.

Some of it's actually
getting into their mouths.

[JESSE LAUGHING]

Alex, put down that bowl.

I'll take care of this.
Time to lay down the law.

Son, put down the bowl.

You guys are
ganging up on me now.

Now, I'm not kidding this time.
Both you guys, put down the bowls.

Well, they put them down.

I may be going out on a limb here,
Jess, but I think they're testing you.

Danny's right. You gotta
be tough. Don't waffle.

All right, listen, guys. You
guys are in trouble, okay?

You know what happens next?

Beck, what happens next?

I think the boys
should get a time-out.

Time-out for the both
of youse. That's good.

You guys are gonna go upstairs
and sit there until it's time to come out.

Hence the term "time-out."

And, Jess, no dessert.

Why? I was tough.
I didn't waffle.

- Not you, the boys.
JESSE: Oh, right, right.

Okay. Come on, guys. Let's go.

Come on, upstairs.

I'm sorry, everyone.

Hey, come on, Beck. This
stuff happens all the time.

I mean, who amongst us hasn't splattered
bean dip all over their headboard, huh?

Pass me the bread, please.

Okay, everybody, let's get back to
this fabulous meal that Vicky made.

- Everything's really good.
- It's fantastic.

STEPH: It's delicious.
BECKY: Really.

- Do you like it, Michelle?
- I love it.

- Wouldn't you like to taste it first?
- Oh, right.

That is good.

- Michelle, you're missing the best part.
- Here you go.

Well, everyone, eat up. There's
plenty more where this came from.

Where did it come from?

Okay, there you go.

Now, guys, I'm not doing
this to be mean, it's just that...

you backed me in a corner in front
of everybody with that pasta incident.

You don't want your old man
looking like a weenie, do you?

- Weenie.
- Weenie.

No, come on, this is
no joke. Sit down, son.

Please. Put the chair down.
Sit down. This isn't a joke.

We're on the same team here.

Let's just do this time-out
thing and we'll get it over with.

[BLOWING RASPBERRIES]

JESSE: No...

All right, you pushed me too far.
Here I am, trying to be a nice guy.

You keep those
butts in those chairs...

and you do not move a muscle
until I say it's okay. Understand?

Mean Daddy.

Mean Dad.

Mean Daddy.

- Mean Daddy? ALEX: Mean Daddy.

So, Steph, what do you
think of goat cheese now?

Good food. Bad name.

You know, I learned something today.
If it comes out of a goat, I'm eating it.

What I hope what
Steve means is...

this is one of the greatest
meals we've ever had.

- Yes, it's true.
- It's wonderful.

- It's really good.
- It's great.

D.J.: I love it. It is abso...
- Yes.

Girls, girls, you can take it
down to about a four, okay?

No, Dad, it really is great. I'd
eat it even if you didn't pay us.

- Danny?
- Mm-hm.

Did you pay these children to
pretend they liked my cooking?

Well, not all of them.

Yeah. What a rip-off.

Why would you do that?

Look, Vicky, I know how
finicky the girls can be...

and I didn't want them
to hurt your feelings.

I'm sorry. I should've had more
faith in you and your goat cheese.

Yes, you should have.

But because you did it out of
caring, I'm going to forgive you.

DANNY: Thank you.

Right after you do the dishes.

Excuse me. Some of us are
trying to keep our dinner down.

Okay, time for dessert. Vanilla
ice cream with chocolate syrup.

STEVE: All right. JOEY:
All right, sounds good.

D.J.: I love mint chocolate chip.
STEVE: Oh, man, ice cream?

BECKY: How did it go?
- Oh, fine, good.

There were no tears. And
the boys took it pretty well too.

Well, maybe this will
make you feel better.

There's an extra two. They
were for Nicky and Alex.

ALL: Aw!

What? A guy tries to
set a couple limits...

- Honey, you did the right thing.
- Well, tell them to stop "aw-ing" at me.

D.J.: But I love dessert
so much. I wish...

KIMMY: Yeah, but
wouldn't that be good?

ALEX'S VOICE: Mean
Dad. Mean Daddy.

Mean Daddy. Mean Daddy.

- Mean Daddy.
- Mean Daddy.

Mean Dad.

KIMMY: Wouldn't that be
good? STEVE: I have peanuts.

Boys.

BECKY: Jess?

Jess?

Are you okay? You just... You
seemed a little upset downstairs.

Upset? Me?

No, I'm fine.

I'm cold... Cool, cool.
Everything is very cool.

Look, I know it was really
hard for you to punish the boys...

and I just wanted to say
thank you for being so strong.

And so cold.

- Jess.
- Yes, I am kind of cold. I...

What? What are these...?

How did those get in my
sh...? Who inspected this shirt?

Number 19. I'm writing a letter.

You were sneaking ice
cream up to the boys.

I thought we agreed to be tough.

- Well, they didn't call you mean Daddy.
- Oh, honey, they're just angry.

It's perfectly natural.
They're just words.

They didn't happen to mention
mean Mommy, did they?

No, I distinctively
heard, "Mean Daddy."

Beck, I never pictured
myself as the kind of a father...

that would come down
so hard on my kids.

I always swore, if I had kids, I'd be like
their friend, you know, their pal and...

And their mother could
handle the discipline.

Great. Would you?

Honey, why is this
so hard for you?

Beck, it happened.

I swore it would never
happen, then it happened.

What happened?

I turned into my father.

Beck, you should've
heard me yelling at the boys.

Everything came back. I
sounded just like my dad:

"Just sit in those seats and
don't move a muscle until I say."

I hated it when he did that.
Why do dads have to be that way?

Maybe because they're human.

Maybe because
they're frustrated.

Maybe they just want
what's best for their kids.

And, you know, your dad
didn't do such a bad job.

You turned out pretty good.

Well, he was blessed
in the hair area.

Boy, Ward Cleaver
made it look so easy.

Well, June was no slouch either.

- Should we spring them?
- Please.

Wally, Beav, time-out's over.

You see, Beck? They
wish that was my head.

They do not.

All right, boys. You know
what? It's time for your baths.

And then we are gonna
get you ready for bed.

And tonight, you're gonna
sleep in your own beds.

- Big bed.
- Go sleepy with mama.

- No, big bed.
- No, not the big bed.

Tonight, you guys are gonna
sleep in your racecar beds. Capiche?

- Capiche.
- Capiche.

Aw.

- You see, Beck? They still love me.
- I had a feeling they might.

Hey, buddy.

Give me kisses.

[ENGLISH SDH]