Full House (1987–1995): Season 5, Episode 26 - Captain Video: Part 2 - full transcript

Kimmy must pass Spanish to spend the summer in Barcelona with DJ. Michelle tries to raise money for an ant farm. Jesse decides that his artistic integrity is more important to him than the record deal, leading Fat Fish Records to change their mind about how Jesse should record his song.

[JESSE FREDERICK'S
"EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK" PLAYING]

♪ Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahhh ♪

♪ Ahhh ♪

♪ Whatever happened
To predictability ♪

♪ The milkman The paperboy ♪

♪ Evenin' TV? ♪

♪ How did I get
Delivered here? ♪

♪ Somebody tell me, please ♪

♪ This whole world's
Confusin' me ♪

♪ Flowers as mean ♪

♪ As you've ever seen ♪



♪ Ain't a bird Who
knows your tune ♪

♪ Then a little voice
Inside you whispers: ♪

♪ "Kid, don't sell your
dreams So soon" ♪

♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪

♪ There's a heart ♪
♪ There's a heart ♪

♪ A hand to hold on to ♪

♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪

♪ There's a face ♪

♪ Of somebody who needs you ♪

♪ Everywhere you look ♪

♪ When you're lost out
there And you're all alone ♪

♪ A light is waitin'
To carry you home ♪

♪ Everywhere you look ♪

♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahhh ♪



♪ Dooby-doo-baa-ba-daa ♪

[♪♪♪]

Oh, Steph. You
can't hang out in here.

Uncle Jesse's gonna
get his first dance lesson.

I know. I got a front row seat.

[CHUCKLES] [DOORBELL RINGS]

Oh, Jess. The guys from
Fat Fish Music are here.

I'll get it!

Uncle Jesse's been
working on his dancing

for a couple of days.

He's come a long way.

♪ I'm dancing ♪
Gee...

Hey, you're right.
He's really improved.

Jess, babe.

Dave, babe. Hit me. Come here.

I'd like you to meet one of

the hottest video directors

and choreographers in the biz,

Richard Williams.

Hey. Hi, Richard. How you doing?

Hey. Whoa.

He's good. He's very good.

Hey, listen, uh,

about this whole dance thing.

Now... guys, let's rethink this.

"Forever" is not
really a dance song.

It's... It's more of a ballad.

Not anymore.

We've rerecorded it.
And now it's a rap song.

Listen, uh, David,
I... I'm not, uh...

I'm not really a rapper.

Vanilla Ice said
the same thing. Ah.

Look, I've got a hot new
concept for your video.

We... It's gonna be like a
whole A... Arabian genie thing.

You're gonna love it.

It's the perfect way
to get all of America

doing the Jessman.

Again with the Jessman.
I-I'm not really a dancer.

Hey. Jessman...
dancing is just a matter

of putting a lot of little
isolated movements together.

Simple. All right, I'll try it.

You show me what to do.

Sure. Start with
your head like this:

Okay. Got that. Yeah. Good.

Now, add your
shoulders, like this:

But don't stop moving your head.

All right, yeah. Just
k... Got it. Got it.

Now, add your hips like this:

Oh, but don't stop moving
your head and shoulders.

Oh, yeah, the whole...

Yeah, right, see? I got...

I'm dancing, everybody.

I got it. No problem.
I can dance.

Uh, yeah. Hold
up, hold up, hold up.

Maybe we should start with
something a little simpler.

Um, The Running
Man. Something like this:

[SNAPPING] [CHUCKLES]

Open your legs from
side to side, man.

I do kind of a
Sammy Running Man.

♪ Chick-a-gow Chick-a-gow ♪

It's easy, Uncle Jesse.

Come on, Aunt Becky. Ready?

RICHARD: Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, at least someone
in the family can dance.

I can sing too.

♪ I believe that
children Are our future ♪

Thank you, Stephanie.

♪ Teach 'em well And
let them lead the way ♪

Thank you, Stephanie.
That's enough, thanks

This is not a telethon.

See, I'm not... I-I can't dance.

I really don't know
how to dance.

But you will.

Jessman, for the next 48 hours,

you are going to move your body

in ways you never
thought possible.

Will this involve pain?

Oh, yeah.

Oh, good.

But check it out.

You'll end up looking like this.

Hit me!

[HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYS]

Ha!

[SNAPS]

Oh, I got... I can
do that. I can...

Oh.

Come on, you can do it.

All right... Just let
the music move you.

Right. Is it... Hoo-ha. Huh.

Yeah. Come on.

Hey. Give it a little bit more.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Now, give me that
kick. Give me that kick.

I got that kick. Whoa! See.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Now, go for that finish.

Here it goes. And I'm ready.

[HIGH-PITCHED VOICE] Becky. Ice.

Okay. Now, let's make
a toast to your first day

in the lemonade business.

One for you. And one for me.

Cheers.

[BOTH] More sugar.

[CLEARS THROAT]

Better put another teaspoon in.

Well, that ought to wake
you up and rot your teeth. Ha.

Michelle, it won't be long
before you earn enough money

to buy yourself that ant farm.

I hope so.

Because my little friends
can't live on this lollipop forever.

You had a great lesson, Deej.

Thanks, Kimmy.

I think my Dad was pretty
impressed with my driving.

Thank God I'm alive.

You know, T-Man...
for an uptight guy,

you stayed pretty cool.

Oh. Yeah, Kimmy, no sweat.

Get your lemonade!

It's a good idea.
I could use a cup.

You could use
some dress shields.

Kimmy... you could
use some exercise.

Take a hike.

That would be 10 cents, mister.

All right. Thank
you, sweetheart.

Mm.

Couple more sips of
this, and I'll need dentures.

Know what, honey: I
don't have any change,

all I have is a dollar.

That's no problem. Thank you.

Michelle, I just
gave you a dollar.

Aren't you forgetting something?

Oh, yeah. Have a nice day.

Danny, always read
the front and the back.

Joey, that's your handwriting.

You owe me 90 cents.

Come on, pay up.

Deej, bad news.

I can't study in
Spain this summer

unless I pass my Spanish class.

Will you help me?

Yeah. I don't wanna spend
six weeks in Spain without you.

Why do I have to learn
the whole language?

All I need to know
are three words:

food, boys and bathroom.

True. But you don't
wanna get 'em mixed up.

Estudiamos, muchacha.

No time for dancing.
We have to go study.

[SIGHS]

"Forever" video, take 27.

[SNAP]

And... action!

[♪♪♪]

♪ Wassup ♪

♪ If every single word I said
Is gonna make you laugh ♪

♪ If every song I sing to you
Will fill your heart with joy ♪

♪ Yo, ya mo hang ♪
♪ How long? ♪

♪ Forever ♪

♪ I asked the sky
Just what we had ♪

♪ If we had, why we had ♪

♪ The love I have for you ♪

♪ Is gonna live
Inside your heart ♪

♪ It's gonna hang ♪
♪ How long? ♪

♪ Forever ♪

♪ Do the Jessman ♪

Cut! Take a break.

Well, I think it's going
very well. Don't you?

We've been here for six hours,

and I don't have one
frame of usable film.

Yeah, but this, uh...
This tuna? Great.

Jessman. Jessman.

Jess, man.

Do you have control of
any of your body parts?

Well, I do, I do.

I just... Uh, theoretically,
it's not my fault.

See, my whole leg fell asleep

while I was crouching
in that silly, uh, hamper.

Well, that's true. He
has very bad circulation.

Becky, you don't need
to make excuses for me.

I do have this circulation thing
that happens on occasion...

Jessman...

Guys, come on, I
told you, I can't dance.

I'm surprised you can walk.

This is not the
"Forever" that I wanna do.

This is... It's not
my kind of music.

These are not my pants.

Jesse, trust us. We
know what we're doing.

I mean, I can't believe I
went with this silly thing.

Come on, we're
out of here. Yeah.

I quit, pal.

Wait a minute. Here.

Whoa-ho-ho! Are you crazy?

This is your one
shot at making it.

You can't just walk out. Babe.

Watch me... babe.

Oh, my God, what have I done?

And I gotta go crawling
back to Fat Fish Music.

Maybe if I beg 'em, they'll
give me a second chance.

Oh, I'm sorry, guys,
I was so selfish.

I wasn't even
thinking of you two.

I mean, I could have
you totally set up.

Yeah, that's right.

Yeah, with college...
trust funds...

toupees if the hair thing
never happens for you.

No. I promise, guys,
I won't let you down.

[COOING]

I love you so much.

Give me a chew.

Okay, Kimmy.

Conjugate the
verb jugar. To play.

Please, Deej. I can't
conjugate any more Spanish.

It's after midnight.

Can't we go to sleep?

En Español.

El sleep-o beg-o please-o.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

DANNY: Deej, you asleep
with your light on again?

Uh, one sec, Dad. I'm
just getting into bed.

You were supposed to go
home two hours ago. Hide.

Kimmy, get out of there.

Deej. Is everything okay?

Sweetie, you been up
studying all this time?

Sí.

Oh, Deej, you must be exhausted.

Sí.

You know what, let
me give you a kiss.

No.

Whew.

So, uh... Deej, you
must be real excited

about your trip to
Spain this summer.

Sí.

I hope you take my advice
about ditching Kimmy.

Huh?

Oh, yeah. It's all set up.

Pepe, the piñata maker...

he's gonna wrap
her in papier-mâché

and then hang her
in the village square.

And all the little
village children

are gonna come in
with their flaming sticks.

Flaming sticks?

I got ya, Gibbler. You
can come out, Deej.

[CHUCKLES]

Sorry, Dad.

I'm trying to help
Kimmy with her Spanish.

Kimmy... go home.

If you wanna pass that test,

you're gonna need
your sleep, okay?

Buenas noches.

Oh, nachos. Great.

I'm starving.

Maybe a couple more minutes
of studying wouldn't hurt.

Okay, Michelle, $8 and 40 cents.

You sell one more
cup of lemonade,

and you'll have enough money
to buy yourself that ant farm.

Joey, please buy one more cup.

Michelle, I've
already had 50 cups.

I'm sweating lemon juice.

You don't need to
drink it, just buy it.

Why didn't I think of
that 49 cups ago? Heh.

You're absolutely right.

Okay. Here you go.

Jess, come on. Are you sure

you wanna do this I
Dream of Jesse video?

Uh... No, I'd rather
do the video my way.

But I've got to think of you,

and our children and our future.

It's too bad you can't just
buy your own record company.

Yeah. I'm just a few
bucks short, huh?

You could have
my ant farm money.

Sweetheart, that's... That's
the greatest offer I ever got.

But you worked
hard for that money.

And you keep that money, okay?

But I love you,

and you're more
important than my ants.

Sorry, guys.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Yeah. That's Janolari.

Uh, I wish there was
another way out of this.

David.

Uh, I'm sorry I blew up.

And, uh...

I'd like you to
accept my apology.

Mm-hm. I knew you'd
come crawling back.

Let's face it: without Fat
Fish Music, you're nothing.

Who else would make
you an offer like we did?

Yeah, it's funny that you
mentioned that because,

you know, just
before you got here,

I received a very, uh...
Very interesting new offer.

What offer? From who?

Well... it's a
5-year-old company.

Small, but very generous.

And they really love me.

Yeah? What kind of money
are they talking about?

Big money.

Enough to buy a farm.

You know, uh, Dave, you're
starting to remind me of the guy

who turned down the Beatles.

What guy?

Oh, it doesn't matter.

He's the laughingstock
of the music business.

Never heard from again. Yup.

He's still kicking
himself about that one.

Oh, don't worry.

I'm sure you'll get another job.

Can you say,

"Would you like
fries with that, sir?"

Huh.

Jess, uh... are you serious?

Yeah, I'm serious. Listen.

David, I... I gotta go.

I gotta go with a company
that believes in me. Huh.

Hey. We believe, we believe.

Hey, look, I-I know we
had our creative differences,

but that's the way the biz is.

You... You work, you
fight, you do lunch...

you compromise.

We'll do the song my
way, or there's no deal.

[GROANS SOFTLY]

You got it. See?

Now, we're compromising.

Jess, babe.

Dave, babe. Hit me.
Come on. Go-whoa-whoa.

Okay.

Love ya.

Right back at ya.

What a goon.

[CLAPS] We did it!

JOEY: Way to go, Jess.

All right, honey.

You guys. All right.

Oh, Michelle, I couldn't
have done it without you.

Thank you very much.

I don't know what I
did, but I'm glad I did it.

Hundred kisses. One, two,

three, four, five...

Hola, Tanneritos.

I gotta change the locks again.

Hey, Kimmy, did
you get your grades?

They just came in the mail.

I passed Spanish. Isn't
that "moo-y" awesome?

Kimmy, we're going to Spain!

Let me see that, Kimmy.

Whoa. You got a D-minus.

Well, your parents
must be very proud.

Yeah. My dad says
with grades like this,

I'm on the fast track to
air conditioning school.

Hey, everybody, come on.

I'm gonna be on
MTV in a minute. G...

Joey! Girls! Come in here!

I'm gonna be on MTV!

Comet, come in here.
You're gonna dig this.

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYS OVER TV]

Oh. There I am.
I'm on... I'm on...

This is so exciting.

I'm Martha Quinn, and
welcome to Out of the Blue,

where we feature new
artists you've never heard of,

and may never hear of again.

But you might hear
me again, right?

Well, you know,
it's not up to me.

It's up to you out there.

And this nervous
gentleman sitting next to me

is Jesse Katsopolis,

from the hot new Bay Area
band, Jesse & The Rippers.

Hey, I'm Jesse. Hi.

Hi. Why don't you use that
right there. That camera.

Oh, I thought you'd wanna
cut to the close-up camera,

because, ooh, I'm having a
good hair day and everything.

Sorry. It's your show.

I just wanna say thanks
for having me on the show,

Martha... Martha Quinn. Oh.

And, uh, you know, I
just wanna say out there

that it's been a
very hard struggle...

Uh, you know, a lot of...
A lot of sleepless nights,

rejection, uh, you know,
actually cold sweats.

Uh, stomach cramps,
gas, a bit of g...

A bit of... A lot
of gas, actually.

Okay. That's fascinating.

Why don't we get to the video.

It is called "Forever"...

Okay, I just... I just wanted
to say thanks real fast.

Thank you out there to Danny,
Joey, Stephanie and D.J...

Oh, that's very sweet.
So... I'm not done yet.

Michelle, my favorite
little munchkin.

Hey, Michelle.

My wife, Rebecca.
I love you very m...

My two twins, Nicky and
Alex. Adorable kids, really.

Do you hear that,
boys? You're famous.

This one's Nicky.

Okay. Well, we're
out of time now.

I think what we'll
do, we'll just bring...

Wait, wait. Are you gonna
show my video though?

Okay. Just kidding.

You're not gonna
have a gas attack now?

No. [LAUGHS]

Okay, we're gonna get to it.

This is Jesse & The Rippers,

and their brand new
video called "Forever..."

Which is a Beach
Boys song, isn't it?

It's a Beach Boys song.
I know the Beach Boys.

They sang on it.
Beach Boys and I are...

Great. Here we go.

Roll it. This is
Jesse & The Rippers,

and it is called
"Forever." "Forever."

["FOREVER" PLAYING]

♪ If every word I said
Could make you laugh ♪

♪ I'd talk forever ♪

♪ Together, in love ♪

♪ I asked the sky
Just what we had ♪

♪ Ooh-ooh It shone forever ♪

♪ Together, my love ♪

♪ My, my, my My, my, my ♪

♪ If the song I sing to you ♪

♪ Could fill your
heart With joy ♪

♪ I'd sing forever ♪

♪ Together my love ♪
♪ My, my, my, my, my ♪

♪ Forever ♪

♪ Forever ♪

♪ Ooh ♪ ♪ I've been
so happy Loving you ♪

♪ Together, my love ♪

♪ Let the love I have for
you Live in your heart ♪

♪ And be forever ♪

♪ Together, my love ♪

♪ Forever ♪

♪ Forever ♪

♪ I've been so
happy Loving you ♪

♪ If every word I said
Could make you laugh ♪

♪ I'd talk forever ♪

♪ Na, na, na, na Na, na, na ♪

♪ Na, na, na, na Na, na ♪

♪ Na, na, na, na
Na, na, na, na ♪

♪ Yeah, na, na, na,
na, Na, na, na, na, oh ♪

♪ Whoa, oh, oh Ohh, oh ♪

♪ Forever ♪

♪ Forever ♪

♪ I'll be so happy Loving you ♪

[APPLAUSE, CHATTER]

Yes!

Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you very much.

That was the greatest
two and a half minutes

I've ever
experienced in my life.

Hm. Hey!

I mean, musically.

So, Jess, how does it
feel to be a big rock star?

Oh, I'm not a big rock star. I
mean, I just have one single.

I mean, who knows if
people are gonna buy it or not.

Don't wanna get you excited,

but I went to the music
store to buy a copy,

and they were
completely sold out.

[GASPS]

STEPH: All right!

Well, I may have had, you
know, just a tiny bit to do with that.

I bought every copy they had.

One for you. Thank you.

One for you.

One for you. Thank you.

Comet, my man.

Joey, my man.

Here, Steph.

♪ Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahhh ♪

[♪♪♪]

♪ Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahhh ♪

♪ Dooby-doo-baa-ba-daa ♪