Full House (1987–1995): Season 5, Episode 23 - Five's a Crowd - full transcript

Danny, Jesse and Joey search the drive-in for D.J., who is out with a boy who's never heard the word "No", while Kimmy Gibbler has been left to babysit Nicky and Alex, but it's Stephanie who ends up doing all the work.

All right, Michelle.

Now, we don't wanna
drown the plants, okay?

We just want to spray 'em.
So two squirts per plant, okay.

Here we go.

One.

Two.

Whoa, whoa, ho, ho.

Oops, I missed the plant.

"Oops, I missed the plant."

You specifically aimed
at my coif, young lady.

And there's only one
way to handle this.



Squirt bottles at three paces.

Follow me.

We'll do it like they did
in the Old West, all right.

Now, we go back to back,
and we take three paces,

and we turn around,
and we fire, got it?

All right, here we go.

One.

Two.

Three!

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!

That's not how they
did it in the Old West.

I never heard of the Old West.

[SPRITZING]

[LAUGHS]



[JESSE FREDERICK'S
"EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK" PLAYING]

♪ Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahhh ♪

♪ Ahhh ♪

♪ Whatever happened
To predictability ♪

♪ The milkman The paperboy ♪

♪ Evenin' TV? ♪

♪ How did I get
Delivered here? ♪

♪ Somebody tell me, please ♪

♪ This whole world's
Confusin' me ♪

♪ Flowers as mean ♪

♪ As you've ever seen ♪

♪ Ain't a bird Who
knows your tune ♪

♪ Then a little voice
Inside you whispers: ♪

♪ "Kid, don't sell your
dreams So soon" ♪

♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪

♪ There's a heart ♪
♪ There's a heart ♪

♪ A hand to hold on to ♪

♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪

♪ There's a face ♪

♪ Of somebody who needs you ♪

♪ Everywhere you look ♪

♪ When you're lost out
there And you're all alone ♪

♪ A light is waitin'
To carry you home ♪

♪ Everywhere you look ♪

♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahhh ♪

♪ Dooby-doo-baa-ba-daa ♪

[♪♪♪]

Hey, listen to this, Becky:

"What a surprise.

"Thank you, Bay
Area Broadcasters.

"I never dreamed I'd be honored

with this, uh, prestigious
award for Best Talk Show Host."

No, that sounds too rehearsed.

How 'bout, uh...

"What an incredible surprise!

I only wish I would've
prepared a speech."

Danny, give it up.
We're never gonna win.

Every year Wake
Up, San Francisco

gets beaten by Up
and at 'Em, Oakland.

I don't know what
people see in that show.

Cheerleaders
wrestling in a syrup pit.

Howdy-ho, fellow nominees.

BOTH: Howdy-ho, Ranger Joe.

You guys ready for the
awards show tonight?

I am so nervous.

I've never been nominated
for anything in my life.

Neither has Mr. Woodchuck.

I hope we win.

Knock on...

wood.

[CLUCKS]

Hi. Hi.

Hi, Deej. Hey.

Deej, where were ya?

Oh, I was just hanging out.

You're 45 minutes late.
You should've called.

Why don't you just strap
a beeper collar on her

and track her like a wildebeest?

Why don't you just go
live with a wildebeest?

Look, Dad, I'm sorry.

But the hottest band
in school is coming over

to use Uncle Jesse's studio,

so please don't do
anything to embarrass me.

Deej, when did I ever do
anything to embarrass you?

Today.

Come on in, guys.

Everybody, this is Pete.

How's it going?

Tim.

Tony and Sludge.

The Funky Tongues.

The Funky Tongues?

Boy, I could've used you guys

when I was licking stamps
for my Christmas cards.

Well, that took care of today.

The studio's downstairs.

Thanks.

And, D.J., you're
looki" real good today.

Thanks.

What, uh...?

What did that guy mean by:

"D.J., you know, you're
lookin' real good today?"

I think he meant she was
looking real good today.

Well, why didn't he
say anything to me?

I'm lookin' real good today.

Danny, you're lookin'
real good today.

♪ You're gonna burn ♪

♪ You're gonna burn ♪

That was, uh...
loud and painful.

Thank you.

All right, here we go.

You guys got yourself
your very own demo.

Yes. Thank you.
All right, way to go.

All right, okay. Don't
get too excited, now.

A demo doesn't mean
you're gonna get a record deal.

Oh, that's cool.

I mean, we're just
in it for the women.

And, man, this guitar
is a ticket to Babeland.

Oh, you know, I, uh...

I got a few chicks, uh,
in the old days myself.

Oh, yeah? Did you have
a band in high school?

Fourth grade.

Come on, guys.

D.J.: Hi. JESSE: Hi, girls.

Hi. Hi. So, Pete,
I've been thinking.

Yeah.

You know what your band needs?

A couple of fly girls.

♪ Bop, chh, bop-bop-bop
Bop, chh, bop ♪

Come on, Deej, be a fly girl.

♪ Bop, chh, bop-bop, bop ♪

Kimmy, you're flying
solo on this one.

Uh, thanks for hooking
us up with your uncle.

Listen, you, uh, wanna
get together tonight?

Tonight? Yeah.

It's kinda short notice.

I'm free.

On second thought,

you noticed me. I noticed you.

That's enough notice.

So, Sludge, what
are you doing tonight?

Oh, here, let me
help you with that.

He wants me.

Bad.

Okay, boys, now your mommy
and daddy are going out, okay?

But it's just for a few hours.

So you guys gotta
stay together, okay?

Don't fall apart. Be
very, very strong...

[CRYING] I'm gonna
miss you guys so much.

Jess.

Honey, bad news. Hm?

I just talked to Aunt Ida.
She can't babysit tonight.

What? We have to go out tonight.

I'm having my best
hair day of the year.

Deej, can you watch the twins?

Sorry, I have a date tonight.

I can do it.

I won't have a
date for five years.

Steph, that's very sweet,
but you know what?

You're still a little too young.

I'll do it.

Michelle, you're
younger than me.

I'm just trying to
help. Give me a break.

How are we gonna
find a babysitter

at the last minute
on a Friday night?

[SIGHS]

Hola, Tanneritos.

[MOUTHS] No.

[MOUTHS] Why not?

[MOUTHING WORDS]

There you go. Kimmy can babysit.

Why don't you just throw
your kids to a pack of wolves?

Hey, I've babysat for
every kid on this block.

The screaming Taylor
baby, the Watson brats,

and your very own
squirt and squirt junior.

Don't call me squirt.
Don't call me squirt...

junior.

Jess, let me talk
to you for a second.

Look, I think we should
let Kimmy babysit.

Stephanie's backing her up,

and we can call
every 15 minutes.

Every 10 minutes.

All right, we have no choice.

Kimmy, you're in.

All right.

My rates are $5 an hour,

but since you're
in a bind, it's 7.50.

Oh, one more thing.

I don't do dogs.

I can doggysit.

Comet will do anything
for a Doggy Doodle.

Here, Michelle.

Sit up.

See? Good boy, Comet.

Hey, that's pretty good.

Will these Doggy
Doodles work on the twins?

"And, everybody,
I... I'd like to thank

"my orthodontist, Dr. Freidman,

"uh, without whom
I wouldn't have

the perfect smile
that I have today."

[DOORBELL RINGS]

I'll get it!

Oh, by the way. I
have a date tonight.

You didn't tell me
you had a date.

Hi. Hey. What's up?

With, uh, Sludge, isn't it?

It's Pete.

Sorry, it's kinda last minute.

Ready, Deej? Yeah, I'm ready.

You know what?
I... I'm not. Uh...

Come here, Pete, why don't
we, uh, real quick have a little

father-to-new-date chat?

All right.

Dad, we're just
going to a movie.

Ah, well that means that, uh,
Pete, you'd be driving, huh?

Do you have, uh, auto insurance?

Collision? Comprehensive?
Uninsured motorist?

Yeah, yeah. I'm... I'm covered.

Ah. Any unpaid parking tickets?

Uh, overdue library books?

Have you had
your flu shot, Pete?

I'm clean.

Ask my parole officer.

Parole officer?

It's a joke.

Chill out.

Dad, could you lay off
the third degree, please?

Pete's a nice guy.

Okay. Okay, you guys.
You have a good time.

All right. Be back
in 20 minutes.

Whoa, 20 minutes?

Hey, it's a joke.

Chill out.

Drive careful.

D.J.: Bye.

Well, how do we look?

You rented a tuxedo
for your dummy?

Yeah, and he looks
pretty snappy, doesn't he?

Yeah, except for the shoes.
They gave me two lefties.

Uh-oh, I'm pulling
right. I'm pulling right.

All right, let's go, guys.

This new mousse is only
guaranteed 45 minutes.

Jess, about that, uh, kid Pete
that you worked with today?

What do you think of him?

He's a good kid.

Ah, that's a relief. D.J.
just went out with him.

What? You let her go
out with that animal?

You just said he
was a pretty good kid.

He's in a band.

All he thinks about is girls.
He's exactly how I was at 17.

Oh, my God.

Gibbler, get in here right now.

Tell me everything you
know about this Pete guy.

He's a legend.

Girls throw themselves at him.

They say he's never
heard the word "no."

And D.J.'s out with him?

I would love to
be D.J. right now.

On her way to the drive-in
in that hot black and red van.

Drive-in?

Van?

My baby.

[♪♪♪]

You guys ready to go?

Yeah, we can't go.
D.J.'s at the drive-in.

In a hot black and red van.

With the lead singer
of the Funky Tongues.

We gotta go get her.

Here, Beck.

We'll meet you at the dinner.

You take Mr. Woodchuck.

Come on.

[GROANS] Oh, oh, oh.

What are you doin'?

You try walking with
two left shoes. Aw.

Well, at least I have a date.

[SQUEALS]

You behave yourself.

[GIBBERS]

[♪♪♪]

Good boy, Comet.

Comet did his business.

Then he gets a treat.

I wish I got a treat every
time I did my business.

Let's go play, Comet.

Okay.

Let's see what's on the menu.

As if you had a choice.

Strained squash.

Ew.

I just remembered,

I once had a traumatic
experience with squash.

I had to eat it.

Here, you feed 'em.

It's your job. You feed 'em.

Come on, Steph, be a bud

and nourish the
little drool puppies.

All right, Kimmy, I'll feed 'em.

But it'll cost you.

How 'bout a dime?

How 'bout a dollar?

Deal.

Per kid. Burps are extra.

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]

You guys, these
shoes are killing me.

[HONKS]

All right, all right.

We're moving, we're moving.

I can't believe someone
actually went to the drive-in

to watch the movie.

D.J., where are you?

[HONKING]

Okay, all right, all
right, all right, already.

Hey, guys, let's
check the red van.

Can't see inside. The
windows are all steamed up.

They better be
making soup in there.

JESSE: All right, you
two, the party's over.

Come on out.

Sorry, wrong van.

Do your parents know
what you're up to?

There's the Phantom of the Prom.

Ew, he just put that
piranha in the punch bowl.

D.J., this movie's lame.

Why don't we hop in the back

and get a little
more comfortable?

I'm pretty
comfortable right here.

Oh. That's right, I
forgot. You're a freshman.

This must be, like, your...

Your first time at
a drive-in, right?

No, I come here all the time.

I was just here Sunday
for the swap meet.

Come on, let's get in the back,

listen to a little
music for a while.

Okay?

Okay.

Boy, it sure is
private back here.

Yeah, now all we need
is a little romantic music.

[THE FUNKY TONGUES DEMO PLAYING]

Boy, that makes you
wanna just get up and dance.

Whoa, D.J., just relax.

♪ You're gonna burn ♪

♪ You're gonna burn ♪

♪ You're gonna burn ♪

I hear Pete's song.

♪ You're gonna burn ♪

Here's D.J.'s coat.

♪ You're gonna burn ♪

Pete, let's just
watch the movie.

How come?

I just don't feel
right about this.

[SIGHS]

All right. That's cool.

I'll go get us some
popcorn, all right.

Okay. Be right back.

♪ You're gonna bu-u-u-urn ♪

[CLICKS OFF STEREO]

[SCREAMING]

What are you guys doing here?

We were worried about you.

Where's Pete?

He's getting popcorn.

Would you guys please
leave? I'm on a date, okay?

How come you didn't tell us

you were going to a drive-in?

In Tony the Tiger's van.

Look, can we please
talk about this later?

I don't want Pete
to see you here.

Do you know how
embarrassing this is?

Put yourself in my shoes.

I'd love to. You got
a left and a right?

Pete's coming
back. Please leave.

I... I promise I'll tell
him to take me home.

Just don't let him see you here.

Hi, Pete. You're back.

Yeah. Yeah, let's, uh...

Go ahead and get
in front, all right?

Uh, wait. Just a minute.

We should straighten up first.

I come from a very neat family.

[MAN SNEEZES]

[IN UNISON] Hello.

Hello.

I, uh... I guess
you're wondering

what we're doing
here in your van.

In our tuxedos, yet.

Tell him, Joey.

Well, it's, uh...
Well, Pete, it...

Heck, it's a very funny story.

And, uh, no one, uh, really
tells it funnier than Jess.

Jess, tell him.

Yeah, see, it is a
funny story, actually.

Well, you know what?
It's not even a story. It's a...

You know that demo
tape we were making?

Uh, I just was wondering.

You want the whole
song on that tape?

You wanted the
whole song, right?

Yeah.

Okay, good.
Because I... I was...

Okay, I put the
beginning, middle...

It's all on the...
We can leave now.

Yeah, we're done.

Uh...

D.J., why don't we just go
ahead and call it a night?

Actually, you can go ahead
and go home with your dad.

Okay.

Keep up the good work.

Okay, let's get you two to
bed so I can hit the phone.

[SNIFFS]

Ew.

Steph, would you mind
disposing of the toxic waste?

Once again, it'll cost you.

All right, all right.

But do something quick,
before the smoke alarm goes off.

Come here, little guy.

Ooh, boy.

[SNIFFS]

Ew. You too?

You're getting a kick
out of this, aren't you?

Good boy. You look very pretty.

Okay, you can
have another treat.

Sit.

You sure like these
Doggie Doodles.

They look like a cookie.

And they smell like a pork chop.

I wonder what they taste like.

[WAILS]

Yuck. Yuck.

I should have known.

You drink from the toilet.

Is it over?

Yeah, you can breathe now.

[EXHALES]

Hi, girls. How are
my adorable babies?

Yeah, adorable if you don't have

a sense of smell.

I'm surprised your
wallpaper isn't peeling.

Could you please pay
me so I can go home?

Okay, Kimmy, I owe you
$10. Let me get my purse.

And, Kimmy, you
owe me... Let's see.

Two feeds, two burps,

two number two's,
and a number one.

That comes to... Ten dollars.

What a rip-off.

Can we make Kimmy
our regular babysitter?

Deej, we need to talk.

You can't keep giving
us the silent treatment.

Okay, fine, let's talk.
I'm totally humiliated.

When this gets around school,
I'll never be asked out again.

But that's what
you wanted, isn't it?

I think we were doing better
with the silent treatment.

Guys, wait.

[SIGHS]

All right, let's go.

DANNY: D.J.!

You know we have
to talk about this.

Fine.

You said I was
old enough to date.

You said you trust me.

You said you had
confidence in my judgment.

But you really didn't
mean it, did you?

I mean, the... The
first time I go out

with a guy that you don't like,

you come charging
in like the date police.

You completely overreacted.

All three of you
owe me an apology.

I think she's right, guys.

We did get a little
crazy, didn't we?

I'm going to my room.

I'm sorry, Deej.

Yeah, so am I. Me too.

It's all right.

Let's just forget about it.
Everybody makes mistakes.

JESSE: Yeah.

I just hope that next time

you'll think things
through a little better.

Yeah. Sorry.

I don't know what
I was thinking.

I wasn't thinking
either, really.

That was... That was
really wrong. I'm sorry.

You know, Deej, one
more thing. Wait a minute.

I knew that was too easy.

Sweetheart...

Why did you lie to us

about where you
were going tonight?

I didn't lie.

I said I was going to a movie.

Yeah, but you
conveniently forgot to tell us

it was a drive-in movie.

With a guy who's never
heard the word "no."

Did I forget to mention that?

Yeah.

Look, D.J., you're 15 years old,

and you still live by
the rules of this house.

And if you're
gonna go on a date,

you have to tell us
exactly where you're going.

I just didn't want
you guys to freak out.

What makes you think
we would've freaked out?

I mean, just 'cause we
ran around the drive-in

in our tuxedo, what?

Well, I guess it's my turn

to say I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

And, Deej, you
going out with guys

is a whole new experience
for us, you know.

I mean, we just have
to trust each other.

We just want
what's best for you.

Thanks, guys.

Do me a favor.

No more commando
raids on my dates.

All right, and no more drive-ins

for a while, okay?

Deal.

Deej, are you okay?

Yeah, everything's fine.

Becky.

Oh, man, we won!

Finally, somebody has
recognized our talent.

Vindicated after
four long years.

Well, actually, they recognized

Joey's talents.

He won for Best
Children's Programming.

Oh, I don't believe
it. This is great.

Oh, vindicated
after four long...

months.

Well, congratulations, Joey.

Thanks.

Can I just...? Can I
hold it for a second?

Sure. Thanks.

He's an immature baby.

[♪♪♪]

♪ Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahhh ♪

[♪♪♪]

♪ Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahhh ♪

♪ Dooby-doo-baa-ba-daa ♪