Full House (1987–1995): Season 5, Episode 19 - The Devil Made Me Do It - full transcript

The temptation to fiddle with Jesse's forbidden music equipment is too great for Michelle; but when Jesse lands her in hot water for it, the little devil in her wants to burn him. Elsewhere, Kimmy and Stephanie are at each other's throats, and it's up to D.J. to referee the proceedings.

[♪♪♪]

Guess what time it is.

4:30?

Nope. It's time for
The Michelle Show.

♪ Da-da, da-da, da
Da-da, da-da, da ♪

♪ Michelle! ♪

It's not that I don't love

seeing The Michelle
Show over and over,

but I have to do The
Homework Show.

My first guest is Yogi Bear.

[IMITATES YOGI] I'm
smarter than the average bear.



Terrific show. One of your best.

And now, here's D.J.

Michelle, I don't
do impressions.

I said, now here's D.J.

[DEEP VOICE] Hello,
I'm George Washington.

I was your very first president.

How's it going?

Wow, you sound just like him.

Amazing, isn't it?

And that's our show.

♪ Da da-da-da-da
Da da-da-da-da ♪

♪ Da da-da-da-da ♪

♪ Michelle! ♪

[♪♪♪]



[JESSE FREDERICK'S
"EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK" PLAYING]

♪ Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahhh ♪

♪ Ahhh ♪

♪ Whatever happened
To predictability ♪

♪ The milkman The paperboy ♪

♪ Evenin' TV? ♪

♪ How did I get
Delivered here? ♪

♪ Somebody tell me, please ♪

♪ This whole world's
Confusin' me ♪

♪ Flowers as mean ♪

♪ As you've ever seen ♪

♪ Ain't a bird Who
knows your tune ♪

♪ Then a little voice
Inside you whispers: ♪

♪ "Kid, don't sell your
dreams So soon" ♪

♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪

♪ There's a heart ♪
♪ There's a heart ♪

♪ A hand to hold on to ♪

♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪

♪ There's a face ♪

♪ Of somebody who needs you ♪

♪ Everywhere you look ♪

♪ When you're lost out
there And you're all alone ♪

♪ A light is waitin'
To carry you home ♪

♪ Everywhere you look ♪

♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahhh ♪

♪ Dooby-doo-baa-ba-daa ♪

[♪♪♪]

[SMOOTH DRUMBEAT PLAYS]

Here's Uncle Jesse.

We've been looking
for you everywhere.

Why?

'Cause that's how you
find somebody, silly.

All right, look, you're
my little munchkin,

but I got a lot of work to do,

so go hit the yellow brick road.

[SMOOTH DRUMBEAT PLAYING]

Hey! Where'd that
drum come from?

It's inside this machine.

Get outta here.

You get outta here.

I got a whole band right here.

Watch. I'll show you guys
how I construct a song, okay?

First you start with
the drums, like this:

[PLAYING WILD RHYTHM]

Add bass.

[PLAYING FUNKY BASS LINE]

Guitar.

[PLAYING COOL GUITAR RIFF]

A little horns. And Elvis.

ELVIS: Thank you very much.

We gotta play with that.

Freeze.

Stick your hands
where I can see 'em.

Stick your hands down.

Okay, now, let me tell
you guys something.

This is not a toy
store, all right?

This is very expensive equipment

that I'm still making
payments on.

So under no circumstances
are you to touch anything

in this whole entire studio.

My feet are touching the floor.

She's got you there.

You guys run along,

and I'm gonna get
back to my work.

But it's Saturday.
You should be playing.

Get some fresh air.

I'd love to put on
my play clothes

and hit the sandbox
with you bozos,

but the good Uncle
Jesse keeps saying,

"Be responsible,
finish your work

then go out and enjoy
some well-earned relaxation."

The good Uncle Jesse is a nerd.

I'm hip, but he's
just doing his job.

Otherwise, I'd be listening to
the bad Uncle Jesse who says,

"Oh, work is for
chumps. Go out and party.

You're having a good hair
day, go share it with the world."

The bad Uncle Jesse sounds cool.

It's one thing to be cool,

it's another thing to know
right from wrong, okay?

Now, I'm gonna sit here,
and I'm gonna finish my work.

Starting tomorrow.
Who wants ice cream?

BOTH: Me! Me! Me!

Timmy Fanelli is twice
as cute as Jimmy Fanelli.

Nu-uh. Jimmy Fanelli is 10
times cuter than Timmy Fanelli.

No way.

What are you guys arguing about?

They're identical twins.

Jimmy's two minutes older.

He's much more mature.

That is the dumbest
thing I've ever heard.

Let me get this straight.

You are calling me dumb?

Gibbler, you're so dumb,

you don't know how dumb you are.

I know how dumb I am.

You're the one who's dumb.

Capital D-U-M. Dumb.

Kimmy, there's a B.

Where? I hate those things.

I think we have a winner.

Deej, how can you
be friends with this?

Hey, she picked me.

She got stuck with you.

Please, you guys have been
arguing the whole way home.

Not all the way. Only
since Lake Street.

It wasn't Lake Street,
it was Chestnut.

No, it wasn't. Yes, it was.

I can't believe this.

You guys are arguing

about where you started arguing.

Now, you're gonna shake
hands and be friends.

All right, kid, put her there.

Ah!

Gotcha, shrimp boat.

Stuff it, bird legs.

That's it. Look,
you're my sister,

and you're my best friend.

Now, we are not
leaving until you guys

start acting nice to each other.

Fine.

What are you doing?

I'm ordering pizza.

This could take months.

Years. Centuries.

Infinity. Double infinity.

Triple infinity. Quadruple.

♪ Oh, what a beautiful morning ♪

♪ Oh, what a beautiful ♪

♪ Day-ay-ay-ay ♪

[DOORBELL RINGS]

There she is.

Wendy and I are
going bike riding.

Ever since my sister moved
back to San Francisco,

you've been walking around
the house singing show tunes.

That is just not true.

[IMITATES TROMBONE TOOT]

♪ Seventy-six trombones ♪

♪ Led the big parade ♪

Joey, I hope you know what
you're getting yourself into.

I mean, my sister is a
pretty serious athlete.

You're not exactly in tiptop
physical condition, you know?

Hey, Wendy happens
to like me for who I am.

I don't have to do anything
special to try and impress her.

Hey. Hi, Danny.

How you doing?

[GRUNTS]

One-eighty, 181, 182.

Hi, Wendy. Hi, Joey.

Just doing my little
morning pump up.

Today I'm working on, um...

abs, pecs and, um... lobes.

Lobes? You're
workin' out your ears?

Yep. Feel the definition
in these babies.

Ooh.

I love a man with ears of steel.

And his brain is one
big ball of aluminum foil.

All right, let's
throw those bikes

on your rack and head on out.

I don't have a bike rack.

I don't even have a car.

Well, the trail's 20 miles away.

How the heck are
we gonna get there?

Ride our bikes.

Oh, sure. Yeah.

The 20-mile ride there
will be a nice warm-up.

And the 20-mile ride back
will be a nice little cool down.

Especially for a guy
who can do 180 push-ups

without breaking a sweat.

You're absolutely right.

I am in tiptop riding condition.

Yes, sirree.

I just hope the
old bike can take it.

That's your bike?

Oh, yeah, a lot
of the top riders

are going back to
the banana seat.

Hello? Anybody here?

This looks like big fun.

Ah-ah-ah!

Michelle Elizabeth
Tanner, I am shocked.

So am I. Who are you?

I'm the good Michelle.

I tell you the
right thing to do.

Don't listen to that wimp.

Uh-oh, you must
be the bad Michelle.

Duh!

Don't listen to her.

Stick a sock in it, goody pants.

You got a bad attitude.

Thanks. Now go on,
break the stupid rules.

But I'll get in trouble.

Not if you don't get caught.

Good girls always
follow the rules.

What do I do? What do I do?

What are you, chicken?

[CLUCKING]

Be good. Be good. Be good.

Party! Party!

Party! Party! Be good. Be good.

Party! Party! Party!
Be good. Be good.

Enough. It's party time.

[INSTRUMENTS JANGLING]

All right. You're
bad to the bone.

Where did I go wrong?

JESSE: Michelle!

What are you doing?

Come here.

Now, didn't I tell you
not to touch my stuff?

DANNY: Jess.

Don't tell Daddy.
You'll get me in trouble.

Hey, is everything
okay down here?

Everything is super.

No, everything is not super.

She was down here
playing with my stuff

after I specifically
told her not to.

Really.

Did you do that, Michelle?

I was just having fun.

Well, your fun is over now.

For the rest of the day
you're gonna be in your room,

and no TV.

Can I rent a videotape?

No tapes, no cable,
no pay-per-view.

You gotta be kidding.

No, I'm not. You
break the rules,

you're gonna be punished.

Thanks a lot, Uncle Tattletale.

I am not a tattletale.

Danny, she just called me a...

All right, I'm a tattletale,

but... But it's not my fault.

You were messing
around with my stuff.

I thought I was your little
munchkin, but I was wrong.

Okay, Michelle, that's enough.

Now, come with
me up to your room.

I hope you're happy.

[♪♪♪]

Come on.

I still got you, Comet.

DANNY: Comet,
time for your walk.

I'm totally bummed.

I hope you learned your lesson.

Hey, princess, go kiss a frog.

You got me in trouble.

That wasn't me. That
was Uncle Tattletale.

He is a blabbermouth.

Wanna make him very sorry?

You should mind
your own business.

Now, now. Be polite.

How do I make him sorry?

You run away from home.

[GASPS]

Uncle Jesse will never
squeal on you again.

Sounds good to
me. I'm out of here.

GOOD MICHELLE:
Michelle, be a good girl.

BAD MICHELLE: Don't listen
to her. Pack that suitcase.

Don't do this. This
is a big, big mistake.

Get a life.

♪ Na, na, na-na, na ♪

♪ Na, na, na-na, na ♪

♪ Na, na, na-na, na ♪

♪ Na, na, na-na, na ♪

[♪♪♪]

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Get the door, Teddy.

Who is it? Michelle Tanner.

Hi, Michelle.

Hi, Teddy. Can I live with you?

Sure. Come on in.

Guess what. Michelle's
gonna live with us.

Does your dad know you're here?

No. When you run
away, you don't tell.

Why did you run
away, sweetheart?

To teach Uncle
Tattletale a lesson.

She's really cute.
Can we keep her?

I'm a fun girl!

Well, until we get
this straightened out,

you're welcome to stay here.

Thanks, new Dad.

All right, this is a
big moment, Beck.

It's our son's first
attempt at solid food.

And here's a shot of the
proud father watching.

Honey, why don't we get
some video of the baby?

Okay, we should get the
kid too. All right, here we go.

Okay, were going to start
with the strained bananas.

And action. All right.

Okay, she's grabbing the spoon.

The spoon's in the
strained bananas.

The strained bananas
are going into the mouth.

And...

here's another shot of
the proud father watching.

Jess.

Sorry. Back to the baby.

Open wide.

Here we go.

Strained bananas in...

And, whoa, strained bananas out.

Here's the proud father
encouraging his son.

Come on, son, you can do it.

Do it for Dad. Do it for Dad.

Sorry. Back to the baby.

Okay, take two.

And strained bananas in...

And it's a keeper.

All right.

Way to go, Nick.

Hey, have you
guys seen Michelle?

She's not in her room.

What do you mean?
She's grounded.

I checked the house. I
don't know where she is.

She's gotta be around
here somewhere.

I'll check the front.
I'll check back yard.

Michelle. Michelle.

Michelle. [PHONE RINGS]

BECKY: Phone.

Hello?

Oh, thank God.

Yeah. Okay. We'll...
We'll be right over.

Thanks, Henry.

Well?

Michelle went down the
street to Teddy's house.

She ran away from home.

What? What?

Why would she do that?

Well, she was mad at me.
She called me Uncle Tattletale.

I'll see to it she never
runs away again.

Well, what are you gonna do?

First, I'm gonna hug her,
then I'm gonna kiss her,

then I'm gonna
ground her for life.

Whoa, whoa, hold it, tall man.

I got a better idea. What?

Just do what my dad did
to me when I ran away.

I guarantee she'll
never do it again.

Come here.

You sit here. You sit here.

Why do we have to do this?

Yeah, it's never gonna work.

Sure it is, I saw it on TV.

"Little sisters and best
friends who hate each other.

On the next Geraldo."

Give me a break.

Look, the idea is, you
guys can learn to be friends

if you find things that
you have in common.

Now, each time you agree,
you move your chairs closer.

When you disagree, you
move them apart, understand?

We're not idiots.

Speak for yourself.

Okay, what's your favorite book?

Charlotte' s Web.

How To Pick Up Boys.

There you go. You
both read a book.

Actually, I never read
it. It's a book on tape.

Moving right along.

What's your favorite food?

Pizza.

There you go,
Kimmy. You love pizza.

Not as much as I love trout.

Deej, this is so stupid.

It sure is.

There you go. You guys
both agree it's stupid.

Move your chairs closer.

Now, come on, let's keep going.

I don't wanna keep going.

You're always
telling me what to do.

Yeah, she's so
bossy. I'm sick of it.

We agree again.

And D.J.'s always late.

Oh, I know, the hairspray queen.

She has to look
perfect at all times.

I know what you mean.

Do you know she's never
complimented my hair?

Me neither.

I think you've got the idea.

I've tried to tell
her to chill out.

But when she's on one
of her power trips, forget it.

And did you ever
watch TV with her?

I know. She never
lets go of the remote.

Now that we're all friends,

why don't we just
change the subject?

Oh, and sharing a
bathroom with her.

Hey, you might as well just
go down to the Texaco station.

I could go on for hours.

Do you like frozen yogurt?

Love it. Strawberry?

My favorite.

Yeah, let's go. Yeah.

Girls, wait.

I like frozen yogurt too.

Pick a card. Any card.

Aw, man.

I got the Old Maid again.

Don't play this for money.

Teddy, where am I
going to sleep tonight?

We're out of beds.

You can sleep in the
kitchen with Sparky.

I used to have a dog.

Those were the days.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Michelle, I think
that's your family.

I bet they're coming
to say they're sorry.

Hi, Danny. Hi, Jesse.

Hi.

Where's my little girl?

Oh, she's right here
in the living room.

All right, Danny. Be
strong, remember the plan.

Hello, boys.

Do you have
something to say to me?

Yes, Michelle, we feel
very bad that you left home.

I knew it. Keep going.

Well, uh, we miss you
very much, munchkin.

And you'll never be
Uncle Tattletale again?

Well, I don't know how I can.

You don't live with us.

I don't?

No, remember?

You didn't like our rules.

You wanna live
here. That's cool.

I brought extra
clothes, your toothbrush,

everything you
need in this suitcase.

What is this, a joke?

Oh, no. It's not
a joke, Michelle.

There's nothing funny about
running away from home.

Bye-bye. See you, kid.

If you need us, you
know the number.

Give us a buzz.

Bye, sweetheart.

Wait. You forgot something.

What? What did we forget?

Me!

Really? You mean you wanna
come back and live with us?

Even with Uncle Tattletale?

Yes, I wanna go home.

Oh.

And we want you to come home.

Yeah, we missed you.

Michelle, don't you
ever do this again.

You had us worried sick.

That wasn't very
smart, young lady.

You're telling me.

I was gonna sleep with the dog.

You won't sleep with
anybody, but your own...

My room! My bed! My pig!

I love this place.

All right, come on, Michelle.

It's time for one
of our little talks.

Now, what you did
today was very wrong.

I know. I should
never touch your stuff.

That's right. But I'm
talking about running away.

That was very dangerous.

You're never to leave this
house without our permission.

If you have a
problem, talk to me

or someone else in
this house. Capiche?

Capiche.

All right, now level with me.

Why'd you really run away?

I was mad at you because
you got me in trouble.

Well, I felt terrible about
getting you in trouble.

But I couldn't let
you break the rules.

Because if you did it
today, you'd do it all the time.

And that's not cool.

Am I still your little munchkin?

I'll tell you what, you can
still be my little munchkin

if you stop calling
me Uncle Tattletale.

Okay, Uncle Jesse.

All right. You're never
gonna run away again?

Never ever, ever, ever.

All right, let's
shake on it. Ready?

[LAUGHS]

I love you, munchkin.

I know. [LAUGHS]

I love you, Uncle Jesse.

I know.

I'll see you after dinner, kid.

Uncle Jesse, were you really
gonna leave me at Teddy's?

What do you think?

That was very sneaky.

I got another good idea.

I don't wanna hear it.

Let's sneak out and
watch Yo! MTV Raps.

I want you out of here.

Pbbt!

I like the way she dresses.

Michelle, I'm so proud of you.

Thank you.

And remember,
always do the right thing.

Oh, I will.

She can get on my nerves.

[♪♪♪]

♪ Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahhh ♪

[♪♪♪]

♪ Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahhh ♪

♪ Dooby-doo-baa-ba-daa ♪