Full House (1987–1995): Season 5, Episode 13 - Easy Rider - full transcript

Joltin' Joey Gladstone
is at the plate.

Stephanie Tanner, the crafty
right-hander, is on the mound.

The wind-up, the pitch.

Strike three. You're out.

What? That ball was
outside by a mile. Ball four.

It was a strike!

It was a ball!

It was a strike!

It was a ball!

It was a strike!

It was a strike!



It was a ball!

Oh, so it was a ball.
Thank you very much.

Hey, you tricked me.
You're out of the game.

What?

You heard the ump.
You're outta here.

Yeah, hit the showers.

And wash behind your ears.

All right, fine. I'm
out of the game?

I'm just takin' my bat and
ball, and I'm goin' home.

Hold it, you're
back in the game.

Play ball!

Play ball! STEPH: Play ball.

[♪♪♪]

[JESSE FREDERICK'S
"EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK" PLAYING]



♪ Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahhh ♪

♪ Ahhh ♪

♪ Whatever happened
To predictability ♪

♪ The milkman The paperboy ♪

♪ Evenin' TV? ♪

♪ How did I get
Delivered here? ♪

♪ Somebody tell me, please ♪

♪ This whole world's
Confusin' me ♪

♪ Flowers as mean
As you've ever seen ♪

♪ Ain't a bird Who
knows your tune ♪

♪ Then a little voice
Inside you whispers: ♪

♪ "Kid, don't sell your
dreams So soon" ♪

♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪

♪ There's a heart ♪
♪ There's a heart ♪

♪ A hand to hold on to ♪

♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪

♪ There's a face ♪

♪ Of somebody who needs you ♪

♪ Everywhere you look ♪

♪ When you're lost out
there And you're all alone ♪

♪ A light is waitin'
To carry you home ♪

♪ Everywhere you look ♪

♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahhh ♪

♪ Dooby-doo-baa-ba-daa ♪

[♪♪♪]

Danny, dare I ask
what you're doing?

I'm cleaning my leaves.

You're gonna clean
every leaf in the garden?

Of course not, Joey,

that would be totally
compulsive behavior.

I'm just doin' the dirty ones.

Hello, boys.

Hey, biker babe, how's it goin'?

Not good. A boy said:

♪ Baby, baby Stick
your head in gravy ♪

Well, Michelle, if he said that,

then he's the baby.

Next time, you just
be a big girl and say:

♪ So, so suck your toe
All the way to Mexico ♪

You're a wonderful role model.

At least I don't
simonize my plants.

Michelle, why would
somebody call you a baby?

'Cause I still need
baby training wheels.

Oh, honey, that's all right.

Kids take off their
training wheels

at all different ages.

I was even a little
older than you.

Danny, you still had training
wheels on your paper route.

I wanna learn how
to ride right now.

That's the Tanner spirit.

I wonder who could teach me.

Daddy?

Michelle, honestly,
I'd... I'd love to teach you,

but Vicky's coming over,

and we've gotta work
on next week's shows.

I'd love to teach you tomorrow.

Tomorrow?

Hello, Joe.

Danny, can I teach
her how to ride?

Please, please, please?
With a cherry on top?

[CHUCKLES]

Aw, you know I
can't say no to that.

That's why I said it.

Okay, sweetheart.

Mwah.

But I am gonna be the one

that teaches you how to drive

on your 30th birthday.

Ah, Michelle, when I
get finished with you,

you're gonna be
riding on two wheels.

Yes! Burnin' rubber.

Yes! Poppin' wheelies.

Yes! Jumpin' over school buses.

Oh, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no.

Ha, ha, ha. Yes, yes, yes.

[CHUCKLING]

You two are the most beautiful
babies in the whole world.

[GIGGLES]

Now, I know every
other mother says that,

but every other mother is wrong.

Because you two really
are the most beautiful babies

in the whole world.

Yes, you are.

Hi, sweetheart. Hi, honey.

Listen, I was just
out getting the mail,

and let me tell ya
something, it is a perfect day

in San Francisco,
so I got a great idea.

I say we pack the kids
up and we take 'em on

their first car ride. What
do ya think? [GASPS]

Jess, that's a great idea.

Can we do that?

Well, they're our
kids, it's our car.

I think it's legal. [LAUGHS]

What do you say,
Nickster, Big Al,

you cats wanna go for a ride?

[COOING]

See that? They're psyched.

Boy, just like the old days.

I can't believe
we're gonna do this.

We're gonna hop in the
car, we're gonna take a drive

just like we did before we had

the two most beautiful
babies in the whole world.

Beck, we're still the same
fun-loving, free-spirited people

we've always been, it's just
there's more of us, that's all.

Now, I've got the
perfect place to go.

The Harley shop. Aunt Ida's.

Aunt Ida's? The Harley shop?

Yeah, the new
Ultra Glides are in,

and the kids were
just sayin' yesterday

they were dying to see 'em.

But Aunt Ida's got a new hairdo.

Ooh.

Look, Aunt Ida
hates me, all right?

She calls me the Hoodlum.

For your wedding
she got you that book,

Smart Women, Foolish Choices.

Oh, she's kidding, just kidding.

Yeah, I love her
comedy. [LAUGHS]

Jess, come on, honey,
she's still my aunt.

Besides she's been begging
me to bring the twins over.

All right, all right, okay.

We'll visit the Harley shop,

we'll go check out
Ida's new 'do, okay?

Then... It's great. We'll be
like spontaneous, you know.

All right. We're gonna
ride like the wind.

Huh, boys? Ride like the wind.

Huh? Okay!

Grab a kid. Let's go.

Oh, wait, honey, before
we ride like the wind,

Alex needs to be
fed... Yes, he does.

And Nicky needs
to take a nap. Oh.

Yeah, we don't want
them to be cranky

when we go to Aunt Ida's.

Yeah, Ida's cranky
enough for all of us.

All right. Here we go,
boys, [CHUCKLES]

you gotta eat and take a nap.

Then when we're done,

you're gonna ride
like the wind, huh?

Doesn't that sound great?

They can hardly
contain themselves.

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING OVER TV]

Oh, no, I hate this video.
Where's the remote?

It's on top of the TV.

Oh, well.

Girls, it's such a
beautiful day outside.

Wouldn't you like to,
uh, go get some fresh air?

No. No.

Don't you have some
homework to do?

No. No.

Do you have some friends
you wanna hang out with?

No. No.

Let me give you another option.

[SOBBING] Please leave.

Look... I gotta
work in here, okay?

'Cause Vicky's comin' over.

[IN UNISON] Ooh.

There is nothing to "ooh" about.

Oh, yes, there is.

You kissed her.

Dad, don't be so embarrassed.

You two make a
cute couple. Go for it.

Look, it was one
little good-night kiss.

We haven't even
talked about it since.

What? You've worked with
her every day for a week

and you haven't
even brought it up?

Why are you such a chicken?

I am not a chicken.

This is a very
delicate situation,

and I'm just proceeding
cautiously because it's awk...

[IMITATING CHICKEN]

Will you girls please
give me a break?

Maybe she doesn't
even remember the kiss.

Maybe she hated it.

Well, think positive.

Maybe she doesn't
remember she hated it.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

That's Vicky.

[IN UNISON] Ooh.

There's nothing between us.

Hi, Danny. Hi.

Hi, girls. D.J.: Hi.

Hi, Vicky. We were
just talking about you.

No, no, we weren't.

Well... Yeah, we were
just talking about the fact

that you were just
outside the door,

but now that you're inside,

[CHUCKLING NERVOUSLY]
our talk is pretty much over.

Uh, thanks for catching me up.

Well, Steph, let's
go to the store.

Do you guys need anything?
Milk, juice, ChapStick?

Thanks, we'll be fine.

You can take your
time at the store.

Are you sure you don't
need any more Binaca, Dad?

Bye, girls.

[DANNY CHUCKLES]

Aren't they precious?

Danny, you seem
a little nervous.

Is anything wrong?

No. No, no. No, no, no.

No, no. Nope. Nope.

Well, great.

Then should we get to work?

Yes. Yes, yes, yes,
yes, yes, yes, yes.

Uhh, I-I made a list

of possible guests
for next week:

Uh, Joe Montana, Henry
Kisser, Sean Penn...

Uh... Kisser?

Excuse me?

You just said Henry Kisser.

Uh, no, I said, Henry
Kissinger. It's written right there.

Why would I say Henry Kisser?

Oh, that... That's right.

Why would you say
that? [CHUCKLES]

It's not on your lips.

Your list, your list.

Vicky, why are we
doin' this? [SIGHS]

We both know that
we kissed last week.

You're right.

And now that it's
out in the open,

I... I-I think the
best thing to do is...

to forget it ever happened.

Right.

It... It's... It's forgotten.

What... Whatever it was.

I mean, not that it wasn't
a... A nice kiss. I liked it.

Really?

I liked it too.

A lot.

But that doesn't matter
now, because, uh...

[IN UNISON] It never happened.

So... [♪♪♪]

All right, Michelle,
you got your helmet.

You got your goggles,
you got your elbow pads,

you got your knee pads,
you got your shin pads.

You ready to ride?

I don't know if I can move.

Well, better safe than sorry.
You don't wanna get hurt.

Hurt? Why did you say that word?

Oh, I'm sure you won't get hurt,

but this way at least
you'll be protected

in case you fall off.

Fall off? More bad words.

Okay, time-out.

Now, forget about
all those bad words.

There's really nothin' to it.

Now, watch carefully
as I get on the bike,

push off and pedal.

See? Whoo! Nothin'
to it. No hands.

Ha, ha!

Hello.

Uh... Hello. Uh...
This isn't my bike.

That's not my
kid. I'm available.

Probably not into big
guys with small bikes.

Okay, now, it's
your turn, Michelle.

Just hop on, push
off, and start peddling,

and I'll hold on to the back.

That's it?

Aw. Piece of cake.

All right, get on the bike.

I'll hold on to the back.

And trust me, there's
nothin' to worry about.

Okay? On your mark,
get set, start peddling.

Attagirl. All right,
looking good.

This is easy.

Attagirl. You're
doin' it all by yourself.

I am? Holy cow!

Whoa!

Ooh.

Michelle, are you okay?

I am so sorry. Are you hurt?

You let go of me.

Why, I only let go because
you were doin' so well.

Then why am I in this bush?

Okay, let's get you
out of there, kiddo.

I think you're gonna be okay.

No, I'm not. I got
a scrape. Ouch!

Well, it's not a bad scrape.
You're gonna be just fine.

Now, let's get back on
the bike and try again.

What am I? Nuts?

This time I promise
I won't let go.

I'll never trust you again.

Michelle.

Michelle!

Aw, come on, sweetheart.

[♪♪♪]

Michelle, I'm sorry
you fell off your bike.

Okay, if you won't talk to Joey,

[AS BULLWINKLE] will you
talk to your old pal Bullwinkle?

Okay. Tell Joey
I'm very mad at him.

Joey, Michelle is
very mad at you.

[NORMAL VOICE] Maybe you could
tell her that it was just an accident,

and I love her like crazy?

[AS BULLWINKLE] Maybe
she won't believe you.

She will. She won't.
She will. She won't.

She will. She won't.

She will. She won't. She will.

Oh, I saw a smile.

Oops.

Too late, I already
saw you smilin'.

Only because you were funny.

Well, that's a start.

Can I fix that scrape for you?

Can Bullwinkle do it?

[AS BULLWINKLE] Why, certainly.

Dr. Bullwinkle T.
Moose at your service.

Just have a seat in my office.

Okay, here we go.

Sit tight for a moment.

Now, this may sting a little.

Ouch, that stings a lot!

[NORMAL VOICE] I'm sorry.

You lied again.

Now I really don't trust you.

It wasn't me, it was,
uh... It was Bullwinkle.

Oh, sure, blame it on the moose.

Okay, you're fed, changed,
dressed and still napping.

And one hour later we're
ready to be totally spontaneous.

Not so fast. We've
gotta put on our C.T.H.'s.

Our car trip hats.

Jess, Aunt Ida hates it when
you wear your hat backwards.

I know.

Boys, get ready to
bug your Aunt Ida.

There you go.

There you go.

All right.

[SIGHS]

There.

Now we're ready
to ride like the wind.

Wait a minute. We
need extra diapers.

Right. All right,
you guys rest up,

'cause when you meet Aunt Ida,

you won't sleep for days.

Jesse Katsopolis!

Here. Let's grab this bag.

Okay. All right.

Got the diapers.

Uh... Baby wipes.

Baby wipes. Very good.

You know what?
Nicky's got a little rash.

We need that baby butt
stuff. The, uh... Here it is.

Okay, one more
diaper and we are set.

All right, but...
just to be safe,

we better take everything
on the changing table.

Good thinkin'.

[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

All right, there we are.

We're spontaneously packed

and ready to ride like the wind.

Oh, wait a minute, Jess.

It could get windy.

We better bring
blankets and scarves.

[SNAPS FINGERS] Good thinkin'.

Oh, wait a minute, wait
a minute. What if it rains?

We're gonna have to get their
slickers and galoshy-booties,

Wait a minute, wait a
minute. It could get really hot.

Sunsuits.

You know what? We don't know
what's gonna happen out there.

I say we take the whole dresser.

Honey, I just had a thought.

I mean, this is the first time
the boys will be away from home.

Maybe we should bring
something familiar and comforting.

Right.

Their Elvismobiles.

You know...

I've been lookin' for
an excuse to hang these

on the rear-view mirror anyway.

Jess, do you think they might
miss their stuffed animals?

'Course they'll miss
their stuffed animals,

we gotta take 'em.
Here. Here you go. Okay.

Ready? And catch. Got it.

And catch. Got it.

And catch. [LAUGHING] Oh!

[LAUGHING]

Okay, we've... We've gone
over all the days of the week:

uh, Monday, Tuesday,
uh, all those other days.

[SIGHS]

I'm sorry, Danny.
What did you say?

I have no idea.

I-I... I can't think about
anything but that kiss.

Me too.

This is crazy. We work together.

Yeah, you're right, we
cannot start a relationship.

Yeah, and who
knows where I'll be

after Becky comes back
to Wake Up, San Francisco.

Let... Let's just
forget about it.

It's forgotten.

Whoa! Make out, San Francisco!

Steph, go to your room.

I mean, hi.

You learn to ride that bike yet?

That's Michelle.

Nice shade of lipstick, Dad.

Oh. Don't you girls
have somebody else

you can go embarrass?

Sorry, Dad. You two have
fun playing tonsil hockey.

Have I, uh, mentioned to
you how precious they are?

[CHUCKLES]

[SIGHS]

Vicky, why are we
doin' this to ourselves?

I don't know.

Maybe we should just go with it.

You know what? You're right.

Let's be crazy,

let's be totally outrageous.

Vicky, come with me.
Let's fly to Paris tonight.

Danny, Danny, we have
a show to do tomorrow.

How 'bout frozen yogurt?

You wild man.

Vanilla.

You're insane.

With sprinkles.

Get the door.

Okay, just follow the
sound of my voice, Jess.

Come on, straight
ahead. There you go.

All right, here we go.

Now, we're ready
to... ride like the wind.

Do you think we really
need all this stuff?

I mean, we're only gonna
be gone two or three hours.

That's what Gilligan said.

Oh, yeah, good point.

We wouldn't want
to get shipwrecked

without our Elvismobiles.

Now, Beck, it only took
us two hours to get ready

to be very spontaneous
to go to the Harley shop

and Aunt Ida's, let's go.

Jess, let's face it.

Life as we knew it is no more.

Mm.

Next time we want
to be spontaneous,

let's plan ahead.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Honey, could you get that?

Ha, ha. Kidding.

[GASPS]

Aunt Ida! We were
just coming to see you.

Becky, that's not funny.

Hi, Jesse.

Hi, Aunt Ida.

Beautiful new 'do.

I was in the neighborhood.

Turn your hat around,
you look like a hoodlum.

[BABBLING]

little babies.

Hi, Michelle. Hi, Michelle.

Wanna buy a bike?
It's only 50 cents.

No, thanks. Hey, Joey
told us you fell off your bike.

So why don't we get
one last shot of you

sitting on the bike that
you're never gonna ride again?

Is this a trick?

Michelle, bubee, baby.

If we wanted to trick you,

we'd think of something
a little more clever

than asking you
to sit on your bike.

Now, sit on your bike.

Here. I'll hold you.

Steph, how does she look?

I think the light would
be better way over there.

Steph, you are so right.

Now, Michelle,
I'll hold you steady,

you just start peddling.

Stop the bike. I wanna get off.

All right, hop off.

This was a trick. Shame on you.

We're sorry, Michelle.

We just thought you should
give your bike another chance.

Maybe you didn't
see this scrape.

Girls, can I talk to
Michelle for a minute?

Sure. Good luck.

[CHUCKLES]

Michelle, it's obvious
you're way too smart

to fall for a trick.

It's very obvious.

Would you go for a bribe?

Never.

What do you got?

Well, if you give me a chance
to teach you how to ride,

you can have your very own copy

of The Little Mermaid.

No, thank you.

It's your favorite movie.

It's on cable all month.

Look, Michelle,

I'm sorry that you
had an accident.

But I had to let go.

That's how you learn.

Otherwise, every kid
you see riding a bike

would have a grownup
hanging on the back.

That's better than
falling in a bush.

I'm gonna tell you something
that I should've told you

before we ever started.

You don't know
what you're doing?

No, that learning to
ride a bike is hard work.

No matter how many times
you fall you have to keep trying,

because once you get
it right, it's really worth it.

Are you sure about this?

Hey, come on,
you and I are buds.

We go way back.

Until you wiped out,
did I ever let you down?

No.

Well, then how about givin' your
old pal Joey one more chance?

Okay, old pal.

Thattagirl.

[CHUCKLES]

Kiss?

You're not gonna
let me go, right?

No way. Not until you say so.

Okay, let's do it!

All right, you're
doin' it, Michelle.

Let go! Are you sure?

Let go!

Are you really, really sure?

I said, let go!

JOEY: Way to go!

I'm not in the bush.

Michelle, I am so proud of
you. You did it all by yourself.

Uh-uh, Joey, I did it with you.

Wanna go for another ride?

Okay, let's go.

Okay, Michelle. Here we go.

[♪♪♪]

I'll race you home.

Try and catch me!

Uh, Michelle, Michelle!

Michelle, not so fast.

Wait for me!

♪ Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahhh ♪

[JESSE FREDERICK'S
"EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK" PLAYING]

♪ Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahhh ♪

♪ Dooby-doo-baa-ba-daa ♪