Full House (1987–1995): Season 4, Episode 18 - The Wedding: Part 1 - full transcript

Jesse meets Becky's parents and struggles to connect with his future father-in-law. His nervousness at the upcoming nuptials causes him to perform a risky stunt only hours before the walk down the aisle. Michelle and Howie are reunited, but do not remember each other.

ALL RIGHT, MICHELLE,

NOW, WHEN YOUR UNCLE JESSE

AND YOUR SOON-TO-BE
AUNT BECKY GET MARRIED,

YOU HAVE THE MOST
IMPORTANT JOB OF ALL...

FLOWER GIRL.

LOVING IT, LOVING IT.

WHAT IS A FLOWER GIRL?

WELL, BELIEVE IT OR NOT,

A FLOWER GIRL IS A GIRL
WHO THROWS FLOWERS.

I BELIEVE IT.

NOW, YOU JUST STAND
RIGHT OVER HERE, HONEY,



AND YOU WATCH AS I DEMONSTRATE.

IT'S VERY SIMPLE.

WE SIMPLY STEP AND THROW.

STEP AND THROW.

THERE. NOW, YOU TRY IT, HONEY.

♪ HERE COMES MICHELLE ♪

♪ HERE COMES MICHELLE ♪♪

VERY GOOD, HONEY.

THAT'S ENOUGH, SWEETHEART.

I GOT THE POINT.

YOU'RE WASTING TISSUES, HONEY.

PLEASE, MICHELLE, HONEY.

HONEY, IT'S NOT
FUNNY, SWEETHEART.

THESE WERE TREES ONCE.



CAPTIONING MADE
POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS.

♪ WHATEVER HAPPENED
TO PREDICTABILITY ♪

♪ THE MILKMAN, THE PAPER BOY ♪

♪ EVENIN' TV? ♪

♪ HOW DID I GET DELIVERED HERE ♪

♪ SOMEBODY TELL ME, PLEASE ♪

♪ THIS OLD WORLD'S ♪

♪ CONFUSIN' ME ♪

♪ CLOUDS AS MEAN
AS YOU'VE EVER SEEN ♪

♪ AIN'T A BIRD WHO
KNOWS YOUR TUNE ♪

♪ THEN A LITTLE VOICE
INSIDE YOU WHISPERS ♪

♪ KID, DON'T SELL YOUR
DREAMS SO SOON ♪

♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪

♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪

♪ THERE'S A HEART ♪
♪ THERE'S A HEART ♪

♪ A HAND TO HOLD ONTO ♪

♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪

♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪

♪ THERE'S A FACE OF
SOMEBODY WHO NEEDS YOU ♪

♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪

♪ WHEN YOU'RE LOST OUT THERE ♪

♪ AND YOU'RE ALL ALONE ♪

♪ A LIGHT IS WAITIN' ♪

♪ TO CARRY YOU HOME ♪

♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪

♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪

♪ DO BE DO BA BA DA ♪♪

D.J.: READY!

AND... ACTION!

D.J. TANNER PRESENTS
THE MAKING OF A WEDDING,

A D.J. TANNER PRODUCTION
OF A D.J. TANNER FILM,

WRITTEN AND DIRECTED
BY D.J. TANNER.

CUT!

AREN'T YOU FORGETTING SOMETHING?

OH, YEAH. SORRY.

ACTION!

HOSTED BY D.J. TANNER.

HI, I'M D.J. TANNER.

CUT AGAIN!

WHAT ABOUT ME?

THIS VIDEO IS A WEDDING GIFT

FROM ME, TOO, YOU KNOW.

OK, I SEE WE HAVE SOME
EGO PROBLEMS HERE.

LET'S TAKE IT FROM THE TOP.

ACTION!

D.J. AND STEPHANIE...

PRESENT THE MAKING OF A WEDDING.

IT'S THE NIGHT BEFORE
VALENTINE'S DAY.

TOMORROW, JESSE KATSOPOLIS

AND REBECCA DONALDSON
ARE GETTING MARRIED.

THE TANNER HOUSEHOLD IS ABUZZ

WITH PREWEDDING EXCITEMENT.

Becky: WHERE'S JESSE?

JESS! WHERE'S MICHELLE?

MICHELLE! WHERE'S EVERYBODY?

THAT WAS THE BLUSHING
BRIDE-TO-BE HERSELF.

ISN'T SHE RADIANT?

I ASKED JESSE TO BE
HERE TO MEET MY PARENTS.

HOW COULD HE DO THIS TO ME?

BECKY, WE'RE TAPING THIS.

HELLO.

EVERYTHING IS FINE,
RUNNING SMOOTH AS SILK.

THIS BETTER BE IMPORTANT.

I WAS COLORING.

LOOK. IT'S THE
FLOWER GIRL, MICHELLE.

SMILE, MICHELLE.

PLEASE, NO PICTURES.

MY HAIR IS A MESS.

MICHELLE, I HAVE A
SURPRISE FOR YOU.

DO YOU REMEMBER MY NEPHEW HOWIE?

HOWIE?

NO.

WELL, DO YOU REMEMBER
MY SISTER CONNIE?

CONNIE?

NO AGAIN.

WHEN YOU WERE 2 YEARS OLD,

CONNIE BROUGHT
HOWIE HERE TO VISIT.

YOU GUYS WERE BEST FRIENDS.

I GOT A BEST FRIEND?

THAT'S COOL.

COME ON IN, CONNIE.

HOWIE, LOOK, IT'S MICHELLE.

YOU'RE A BOY.

YOU'RE A GIRL.

EEW! EEW!

YOU KNOW, MICHELLE, SOMEDAY,
YOU'RE GONNA LIKE BOYS.

BUT NOT TODAY.

MICHELLE, WHY DON'T YOU
SHOW HOWIE YOUR ROOM?

WHY?

BECAUSE HOWIE IS GONNA SLEEP
OVER IN YOUR ROOM TONIGHT.

EEW! EEW!

YOU GUYS ARE GONNA
HAVE SO MUCH FUN.

I HOPE SHE HAS GOOD TOYS.

HEY, DON'T TOUCH
MY STUFF, YOU BOY.

STEPH, COME ON, LET'S
FOLLOW THE ACTION.

WAIT A MINUTE.

NOBODY'S GONNA
SEE ME ON THIS TAPE.

HI, I'M STEPHANIE TANNER...

NIECE OF THE GROOM, BRIDESMAID,

CAMERA WOMAN.

I PRETTY MUCH DO IT ALL.

WILL YOU COME ON?

BECKY.

I THINK SOMETHING'S
WRONG WITH MY TUXEDO.

THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE.
THE TAILOR ASSURED ME

THE ALTERATIONS
WOULD BE PERFECT.

WELL, MAYBE I HIT
ANOTHER GROWTH SPURT.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

MY PARENTS.

WHERE IS JESSE?

WHERE'S BECKY?
HAVE YOU SEEN THIS?

OH, THANK GOD. I
THOUGHT I WAS SHRINKING.

MOM. HI, DARLING.

HI, DAD. WHAT TOOK
YOU GUYS SO LONG?

I THOUGHT YOU WERE
RIGHT BEHIND ME.

WE WERE UNTIL I GOT CUT OFF

BY SOME CRAZED MOTORCYCLE
HOODLUM IN BLACK LEATHER.

SORRY I'M LATE.

I GOT STUCK BEHIND SOME WALNUT

DRIVING 6 MILES AN HOUR.

THAT'S THE HOODLUM!

THAT'S THE WALNUT.

UH, NO. THAT'S MY DAD,

AND THAT'S MY FIANCÉ.

WELL, ISN'T IT A SMALL
WORLD AFTER ALL?

IT'S SO NICE TO FINALLY
MEET YOU, JESSE.

NICE TO MEET YOU,
MRS. DONALDSON.

YOU'D BETTER START
CALLING ME MOM.

NAH, I'D FEEL FUNNY.

I SAID CALL ME MOM.

OK, MOM.

AND IT'S NICE TO
MEET YOU... POP?

YOU CAN CALL ME MR. DONALDSON.

YOU KNOW, YOU WERE DRIVING A
LITTLE FAST THERE, YOUNG MAN.

WELL, MAYBE IT JUST
SEEMED THAT WAY

'CAUSE YOU WERE DRIVING A TAD

ON THE SLOW SIDE, SIR.

I WAS KEEPING UP WITH
THE FLOW OF TRAFFIC.

AH, BUT PARKED CARS
DON'T COUNT AS TRAFFIC.

I ALWAYS SAY BETTER
SAFE THAN SORRY.

AND I ALWAYS SAY MOVING IS
BETTER THAN STANDING STILL.

OH, YOU HATE EACH OTHER!

OHH.

WHAT'S THE MATTER, HONEY?

WE DON'T HATE EACH OTHER.

WATCH... WATCH THIS.

POP!

SON!

SEE THAT? THERE.

BUT YOU DON'T MEAN IT.

OH, IT'S OK, SWEETHEART.

THEY'LL GROW TO LOVE EACH OTHER.

WE'LL MAKE THEM.

NOW, YOU JUST SIT RIGHT HERE,

AND I'LL GO GET YOU
A GLASS OF WATER.

AND YOU TWO HUG
LIKE YOU MEAN IT.

OH!

OH, MY GOD!

WHAT THE HECK?

WHAT IS GOING ON IN HERE?

OH, NOTHING.

UH, WE WERE JUST
EXCHANGING PANTS.

BUT IN A GOOD WAY.

YOU SEE, WE WERE WEARING
EACH OTHER'S CLOTHES.

MOM, DAD, THIS IS JOEY GLADSTONE

AND MY CO-HOST, DANNY TANNER.

REMEMBER THOSE TAPES
OF OUR SHOW I SENT YOU?

OH, OF COURSE.

YOU LOOK TALLER
WITHOUT YOUR PANTS.

THANK YOU FOR NOTICING.

AW, WE MISSED EVERYTHING.

NICE LOOK, DAD.

EXCUSE US.

JESS, COULD I SEE YOU A MOMENT?

JESS, I JUST WANTED
EVERYTHING TO BE PERFECT.

THE TUXEDOS DON'T FIT,

MICHELLE'S UPSET
BECAUSE HOWIE'S A BOY,

YOU AND MY DAD HATE EACH OTHER.

OH, SWEETHEART.

I ADMIT IT WASN'T
LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT,

BUT YOU WEREN'T CRAZY ABOUT ME

THE FIRST TIME WE MET.

GUESS IT JUST
RUNS IN YOUR FAMILY.

LOOK, I PROMISE YOU I'LL
BE FRIENDS WITH YOUR DAD.

YOU PROMISE?

I PROMISE.

ALL THAT STUFF,
IT DOESN'T MATTER.

ALL THAT MATTERS IS
TOMORROW AT 10 A.M.,

YOU AND I ARE GONNA
BE HUSBAND AND WIFE.

YOU'RE RIGHT.

I LOVE YOU.

I LOVE YOU, TOO.

THE LAST KISS
BEFORE THE BIG "I DO"...

A MOMENT TO BE TREASURED.

I'M D.J. TANNER.

[SIGH]

I AM RAPHAEL, THE TEENAGE
MUTANT NINJA TURTLE.

EXCUSE ME.

EXCUSE ME.

I SAID EXCUSE ME!

BE QUIET, SHREDDER, YOU BAD GUY.

LET'S PLAY BARBIE DOLLS.

I COULD PULL HER HEAD OFF.

DROP THAT DOLL, YOU TURTLE.

THIS IS NUTS.

I'M OUT OF HERE.

WHAT DID I DO?

BOYS.

I DO.

I DO.

HO, I DO.

HI, JESS.

HELLO, MR. DONALDSON.

OH, CALL ME KENNETH.

KENNETH, LISTEN, UH,
I'M SORRY ABOUT BEFORE.

WE GOT KIND OF OFF TO
A BAD START, DIDN'T WE?

LISTEN, YOU'RE GONNA
MARRY MY DAUGHTER.

WE NEED TO START
ACTING LIKE FAMILY.

GREAT.

CAN YOU LOAN ME 10 BUCKS?

A LITTLE
SON/FATHER-IN-LAW HUMOR.

YEAH.

JESS, WE NEED TO TALK.

YES. YES, WE DO.

LISTEN, SIR, I LOVE YOUR
DAUGHTER VERY, VERY MUCH.

I'M GONNA TAKE VERY GOOD
CARE OF HER, I PROMISE.

WHICH REMINDS ME,

I COULDN'T HELP BUT NOTICE
THAT YOU RIDE A MOTORCYCLE,

YOU PLAY IN A
ROCK 'N' ROLL BAND,

YOU WEAR CLOTHES
THAT SHOULD BE WALLETS.

THERE'S MUCH MORE
TO ME THAN THAT, SIR.

I'M ALSO AN ELVIS FREAK.

I GOT A BIG COLOR OF
HIM HERE. BEAUTIFUL.

THAT'S FINE, SON,

BUT YOU'RE MARRYING
MY BABY TOMORROW.

YOU GOT TO PUT THAT
NONSENSE BEHIND YOU.

THIS WOULDN'T BE YOU TELLING
ME HOW TO LIVE, WOULD IT?

NO, I AM JUST OFFERING YOU

THE BENEFIT OF MY EXPERIENCE.

YOU KNOW, YOU
AND I ARE A LOT ALIKE.

OH, YEAH. WE'RE
TWO PEAS IN A POD.

EXACTLY.

WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE,

I WAS A WILD ONE, JUST LIKE YOU.

NO.

YES.

BEFORE I SETTLED
DOWN TO FARMING,

I WAS ON THE RODEO CIRCUIT.

I COULD HOG-TIE A CALF
IN UNDER 7 SECONDS.

I'VE ALWAYS WONDERED...
THIS IS A MYSTERY...

IF IT'S HOG-TIE,
AND IT'S A CALF,

WHY DON'T THEY CALL IT CALF-TIE?

STAY WITH ME, SON. I'M GOING
SOMEWHERE WITH THIS, OK?

NOW, WHEN I MARRIED NEDRA,

I HAD TO HANG UP MY
SPURS AND SETTLE DOWN.

AND SO WILL YOU.

I WILL?

SURE.

YOU'RE GONNA BE A HUSBAND

WITH A WIFE, RESPONSIBILITIES,
COMMITMENTS.

THAT'S PRETTY HEAVY, ISN'T IT?

GETS HEAVIER.

YOU PLAN ON HAVING KIDS SOMEDAY?

YEAH.

ALL RIGHT.

NOW, YOU PICTURE THIS.

YOU'RE HOLDING
YOUR LITTLE BABY BOY.

JESSE JUNIOR?

JESSE JUNIOR.

AND ONE LOOK INTO THAT
SWEET, INNOCENT FACE,

AND YOU'LL BE
TRADING IN YOUR HARLEY

FOR A SENSIBLE
FAMILY STATION WAGON.

I'M DRIVING A STATION WAGON?

WITH ONE OF THOSE GARFIELD
DOLLS SUCKERED TO THE WINDOW.

AM I LISTENING TO TALK RADIO?

ALL FIVE BUTTONS.

AAH.

SON, WHAT I'M SAYING IS...

YOU'VE HAD YOUR
LAST WILD ADVENTURE,

SOWED YOUR LAST WILD OAT,

RODE YOUR LAST BUCKING BRONCO.

GET THE POINT? IT'S OVER.

CASE CLOSED, KISS IT
GOODBYE, THE FAT LADY SANG...

I GOT IT, YEAH.

NOW, IF YOU'VE GOT ANY DOUBTS,

YOU BETTER NOT WALK
DOWN THAT AISLE TOMORROW.

UNDERSTAND?

YES, SIR.

WELL, YOU SLEEP TIGHT.

WHOA.

JESS, IT'S 7:00 IN THE MORNING.

WHERE ARE YOU TAKING ME?

SHH! JOSEPH, TRUST ME.

THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT TO ME.

YOU'RE GETTING
MARRIED IN THREE HOURS.

YOU ARE GETTING
MARRIED, AREN'T YOU?

COME ON. I'LL EXPLAIN EVERYTHING
ON THE WAY TO THE AIRPORT.

THE AIRPORT?

YES. NOW COME ON!

SHH!

MICHELLE?

MICHELLE.

HONEY, WAKE UP.

HAVE YOU SEEN UNCLE JESSE?

NO "GOOD MORNING, MICHELLE"?

I'M SORRY.

GOOD MORNING, MICHELLE.

NOW, HAVE YOU SEEN UNCLE JESSE?

NO GOOD MORNING KISS?

WHAT WAS I THINKING?

THERE. NOW, HAVE
YOU SEEN UNCLE JESSE?

NO, BUT THANK YOU FOR ASKING.

I KNEW SHE WAS SETTING ME UP.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

JESSE?

HOLA, MR. T.

KIMMY, I'M GOING THROUGH
A MAJOR CRISIS RIGHT NOW.

HEY, WE ALL GOT PROBLEMS.

D.J.!

I GOT TO BUILD A MOAT.

KIMMY, WHAT IS IT?

D.J., WHAT SHOULD I
WEAR TO THE WEDDING?

THIS DRESS WITH THESE SHOES

OR THIS DRESS WITH THESE SHOES?

KIMMY, THOSE ARE MY CLOTHES.

THAT'S WHY I'M ASKING YOU.

I FOUND A NOTE FROM UNCLE JESSE.

READ IT, STEPH.

WAIT. I WANT TO GET THIS
ON OUR WEDDING VIDEOTAPE.

OK, I'M READY.

ACTION.

"DEAR FAMILY,

"YOU MUST BE
WONDERING WHERE I WENT.

"I KIDNAPPED JOEY,

"BUT WE'LL BE BACK
FOR THE WEDDING.

"THERE WAS ONE
LAST THING I HAD TO DO

BEFORE I GOT MARRIED. JESSE."

LET ME DO THAT
AGAIN. I CAN DO BETTER.

"DEAR FAMILY"... STEPH!

OH, MAN. JESSE'S GETTING
MARRIED IN TWO HOURS.

WHERE THE HECK COULD HE BE?

JESS, YOU'RE TOTALLY
OUT OF YOUR MIND.

I KNOW. I SAID I'D NEVER
GET IN A PLANE WITH YOU.

NO, I'M TALKING ABOUT SKYDIVING.

IT'S CRAZY.

PEOPLE SAY IT'S
THE ULTIMATE RUSH.

I TOOK ALL THE LESSONS,

BUT I NEVER JUMPED
'CAUSE IT WAS TOO WINDY.

JOSEPH, I'VE GOT TO HAVE THIS ONE
LAST ADVENTURE BEFORE I GET MARRIED.

DO YOU HAVE TO DO THIS
ON YOUR WEDDING DAY?

THIS IS THE LAST HOUR
OF MY LIFE AS A SINGLE GUY.

PRETTY SOON, I'M
GONNA BE MARRIED.

I'M GONNA HAVE A FAMILY
WITH ALL THE RESPONSIBILITIES.

I MEAN, WHAT AM I GONNA DO THEN,

JUMP OUT OF A STATION WAGON?

WELL, YOU COULD.

YOUR CHUTE MIGHT
NOT OPEN IN TIME.

JOEY, LOOK, I HAVE TO
DO THIS LAST CRAZY THING

BEFORE GIVING IT UP
FOR THE WOMAN I LOVE.

ISN'T FLYING WITH
ME CRAZY ENOUGH?

NO.

HOW ABOUT WHEN I DO THIS?

AAH!

DON'T DO THAT!

I GOT THIS ALL PLANNED OUT.

I STASHED MY HARLEY,
I GOT MY TUX ON.

I DO THE JUMP, HOP ON MY HARLEY,

CRUISE TO THE CHAPEL

IN JUST ENOUGH TIME TO
REMOUSSE MY HAIR AND SAY "I DO."

A GREAT PLAN. CAN I MAKE
ONE LITTLE SUGGESTION?

WHAT?

SNAP OUT OF IT.

JOEY, THIS IS SOMETHING I HAVE
TO DO FOR MYSELF, ALL RIGHT?

ALL RIGHT.

WELL... HAVE A SAFE
TRIP. GOOD LUCK, BUDDY.

THANKS, PAL.

OH, AND JOSEPH, IF
ANYTHING GOES WRONG...

I WANT YOU TO MARRY BECKY.

WHOA.

HAVE MERCY!

OH, MY GOD.

HE JUMPED WITHOUT HIS... MOUSSE.

DID I FORGET MY MOUSSE?

THIS IS D.J. TANNER
LIVE AT THE CHAPEL,

AND THERE'S STILL NO
SIGN OF THE GROOM.

DAD, HOW DO YOU FEEL?

OH, I FEEL VERY CONFIDENT

THAT JESSE WILL
ARRIVE RIGHT ON TIME...

IN THE NEXT 18 SECONDS.

IS THAT WHY YOU'RE NOT
TELLING BECKY WHAT'S GOING ON?

NO, THAT'S BECAUSE I'M CHICKEN.

YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST.

DAD IS CHICKEN.

THE FLOWER GIRL IS HERE.

OOH.

I'M READY FOR THE VIDEO.

MY HAIR LOOKS FANTASTIC.

DO SOMETHING.

NOW I'LL DO MY FISH FACE.

HEY, MICHELLE, WHERE'S HOWIE?

WHO CARES? THAT BOY IS CRAZY.

HELLO, MICHELLE.

HELLO-O-O, HOWIE.

YOU LOOK VERY PRETTY.

YOU'RE A HUNK.

WHAT'S A HUNK?

THAT'S WHAT D.J.
CALLS THE PAPER BOY.

UH, CUT, CUT.

EVERYTHING'S READY UP FRONT.

OH, THAT'S GOOD.
THAT'S VERY GOOD.

WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?

OH, THERE'S NO PROBLEM.

YOU'RE LYING.

I CAN TELL BY THE WAY

YOU WON'T LOOK ME IN THE EYE.

CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS GUY?

OK, THERE'S A LITTLE PROBLEM.

YOU KNOW HOW EVERY WEDDING
HAS A BRIDE AND A GROOM?

WELL, YOU TAKE AWAY THE GROOM,

AND THAT'S WHAT WE HAVE HERE.

YOU TOOK AWAY THE GROOM?

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

I DON'T KNOW.

HA!

WHY AREN'T WE STARTING?

DANNY, IS SOMETHING WRONG?

WRONG?

OH, NO, NOTHING'S WRONG.

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY BE WRONG?

EVERYTHING'S TOTALLY
UNDER CONTROL.

THEN WHY WON'T YOU
LOOK ME IN THE EYE?

WE'RE, UH, WE'RE
NOT ALL HERE YET.

WELL, WHO'S MISSING?

I KNOW, I KNOW, I KNOW.

YES, MICHELLE?

UNCLE JESSE IS MISSING.

OH, MY GOD.

STAY CALM.

JUST BECAUSE THE
GROOM'S NOT HERE,

I AM NOT GONNA LET THAT
RUIN MY WEDDING DAY.

MOM.

OH, HONEY.

WHEW! MADE IT.

WHERE'S JESSE? WHERE'S JESSE?

UH-OH.

JOEY, WHERE IS HE?

HE MUST HAVE STOPPED
OFF FOR A CAN OF MOUSSE.

OH, THANK GOODNESS.

YEAH, HE FORGOT IT WHEN
HE JUMPED OUT OF THE PLANE.

HE JUMPED OUT OF A PLANE?

IT'S OK. I TOOK HIM SKYDIVING.

LAST TIME I SAW HIM, HE WAS
FLOATING SAFELY TO THE EARTH.

YOU TOOK HIM SKYDIVING?

WELL, THEN, WHERE IS HE?

WHAT IF SOMETHING
HAPPENED TO HIM?

DON'T WORRY. HE SAID
IF ANYTHING HAPPENS,

I SHOULD MARRY YOU MYSELF.

MOM!

IT'S ALL RIGHT, SWEETIE.

HELP!

HELP!

BECKY, I'M COMING!

DON'T MARRY JOEY!

HELP!

HELP!

CAPTIONING MADE
POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS.