Full House (1987–1995): Season 3, Episode 24 - Our Very First Telethon - full transcript
Danny hosts a telethon to raise money for the station. The Beach Boys perform.
[♪♪♪]
Daddy, guess who.
Uh... is it Big Bird?
No, silly.
Okay, then I give up. Who is it?
Michelle Elizabeth Tanner.
Oh, Michelle, you
fooled me again.
What are you doing up
in the middle of the night?
The sun woke me up.
What sun? It's only... 7:30?!
Michelle, I forgot
to go to sleep.
I was checking the
schedule for my big telethon,
and it's good I did
because in hour 17,
I booked back-to-back
tap dancers.
That's tune-out city.
And then... Daddy.
Yes, honey?
You talk too much.
It's very important
to be a good listener.
Maybe next time.
[JESSE FREDERICK'S
"EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK" PLAYING]
♪ Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahhh ♪
♪ Ahhh ♪
♪ Whatever happened
To predictability ♪
♪ The milkman The paperboy ♪
♪ Evenin' TV? ♪
♪ Ahh-ahh ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ There's a heart ♪
♪ There's a heart ♪
♪ A hand to hold on to ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ There's a face ♪
♪ Of somebody who needs you ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ When you're lost out
there And you're all alone ♪
♪ A light is waitin'
To carry you home ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahhh ♪
♪ Dooby-doo-baa-ba-daa ♪
[♪♪♪]
MAN: I'm getting really tired.
DANNY: Places everybody!
Two minutes to show time.
Uh, Jess, aren't you supposed
to be going over your music?
Danny, relax. I got it.
You got us playing
"Feelings" once every hour.
Ah, great news. That
4 a.m. "Feelings"?
It's been switched to
"Tie A Yellow Ribbon."
That is great news. DANNY: Joey,
what's in the doughnut boxes?
Doughnuts.
Great. Doughnuts go
on the doughnut table.
It's a good thing I
ran into you. Relax!
Becky, what are you
supposed to be doing?
Waiting for the show to start.
You're doing a great job.
Danny, relax.
All right, phone volunteers.
Is everybody ready?
ALL: Relax!
[PHONE RINGS]
All right! Our first call!
We Love Our Children Telethon
'9O, may I take your pledge?
Oh, hi, Kimmy.
Dad, it's for you.
Mr. T., I brought my unicycle.
If you need me,
I'm ready to ride.
That's very sweet of you to
offer, and gosh darn, Kimmy,
if this show wasn't
supposed to be entertaining,
you'd be right in there.
Tanner! Oh, Tanner, I
gave you 24 hours of airtime
on my station because I
have total confidence in you.
Now, don't screw this up!
Don't worry, Mr. Strowbridge.
Everything's under control.
Then how come you're
not wearing any shoes?
Oh, because, uh, I
wanted to impress you
with my brand-new
designer socks.
Wardrobe!
We're on the air in five
seconds, everybody. Here we go.
Four, three, two.
Welcome to the We Love
Our Children Telethon '90.
And now, your host for the show,
the host of Wake
Up, San Francisco,
Danny Tanner!
[BAND PLAYING FUN, COOL MELODY]
Ha!
Thank you, Jesse
and the Rippers.
Welcome to the first annual
We Love Our Children Telethon.
Our goal is to raise
$1,000,000 in the next 24 hours
to buy new equipment for
the Children's Health Center.
Right now, our lines are open
and volunteers are standing by
to take your calls.
Here's my little daughter
Michelle to give you
the number you can call.
Hi, people. I got a new dress.
To make a pledge dial 555-HELP.
Hi to all my friends at Frasier
Street Elementary School.
Hi, Laurie. Hi, Harry.
Hi, Brian. Hi, Walter. Hi...
Uh, Steph, honey, it's
only a 24-hour telethon.
[LAUGHS]
Well, what do you say
we bring out our fist act?
Say hello to one of the
hottest comics in San Francisco.
He's my close personal friend.
And that's not just
show-biz chatter
because he lives in my garage.
Say hello to Joey Gladstone!
[BAND PLAYS SILLY MELODY,
CROWD APPLAUDING]
Hey, thank you.
Oh, come on now, cut it out.
Quit it, come on, knock it off.
Hey, let's hear it for this band,
huh, ladies and gentlemen?
[CHEERING & APPLAUSE]
JOEY: Yes.
My favorite guy in any band
is always the bass
player, you know?
Because the bass player's
getting into his thing.
[IMITATES BASS
PLAYING FUNKY RIFF]
Then he looks over,
he sees the rest of the
guys in the band and smiles.
He's like:
"Hey, I like you guys."
Then, of course, you go
to a heavy-metal concert.
It's always great.
You get to hear
the lead guitarist,
right? He's always:
[IMITATES GUITAR
PLAYING WILD RIFF]
[IMITATES NOTE ECHOING]
[LAUGHTER]
[IMITATES NOTE ECHOING]
Your friends are just going,
"Hey, just wait, they're
gonna sing, dude."
You know, ladies and gentlemen,
every time you pick up that
phone and make a pledge,
you do some magic for the kids.
And now, I'd like to
do some magic for you.
Ladies and gentlemen, my lovely
assistant, Rebecca Donaldson
and the Cabinet of Mystery.
[BAND PLAYING DREAMY,
ELEGANT MELODY]
Oh!
[APPLAUSE]
[APPLAUSE]
[APPLAUSE]
The Cabinet of Mystery!
And now, ladies and
gentlemen, for the hard part.
Putting her back together.
[DRUM ROLL PLAYING]
[CYMBAL CRASHES]
[CHUCKLING] Get me out of here.
Well, while I go for help,
ladies and gentlemen,
why don't we bring
out the next act?
I am the next act. I'm
singing a duet with Danny.
Well, in that case, the song
stylings of Danny Tanner
and the Rebecca Donaldson Trio.
Joey! Joey!
Becky?
In here.
♪ Kiss today goodbye ♪
♪ Maybe we
should Do this later ♪
♪ No, we do what We have to do ♪
♪ And I can't regret ♪
Oh, you're gonna regret this.
♪ What I did for love ♪
♪ What I did for love ♪
BOTH: ♪ Gone ♪
♪ Love is never gone ♪
♪ As we travel on ♪
♪ Love's what we'll remember ♪
♪ Kiss today goodbye ♪
♪ Kiss my career goodbye ♪
♪ And point me Toward tomorrow ♪
♪ Point me Toward the exit ♪
♪ Wish me luck ♪
♪ Same to you ♪
Yeah, the same to you, fella.
♪ Oh Can't forget ♪
♪ Won't regret What I did ♪
♪ For love ♪
♪ What I did For love ♪
♪ What I did for ♪
ALL: ♪ Love ♪
[APPLAUSE] DANNY: Thank you.
[♪♪♪]
[ALL CHEERING]
Thank you, cheerleaders.
Boy, I miss football season.
Okay, Becky, why don't
we check that tote board?
Becky?
Oh, uh, Beck went
home to get some sleep.
Oh, right, I forgot.
She went home to get some sleep.
Sleep.
[CYMBAL CRASHES]
Hey, I'm back!
And we've only
got a little while left,
four hours in fact,
to hit that sack.
I mean, hit the
million-dollar mark.
[CHUCKLES]
Hi, Dad!
Oh, look! It's my
wonderful family,
back to answer the phones.
Hi, wonderful family!
Hi, Daddy.
Hi, Michelle. I got an idea.
Why don't you wait there,
and why don't we sit down
in this chair and rest awhile?
Ah, it's a nice,
soft, cozy chair.
Come here, honey.
Oh, boy. Oh, you're heavy. Ugh.
So, sweetheart, what
did you do last night?
I went to sleep.
You went to sleep?
Ah. Aren't you lucky.
You were in your bed,
and you were comfortable
under the covers, and...
then you closed your eyes.
Daddy.
Daddy.
Earth to Danny.
Shh. Daddy is sleeee-ping.
Well, your daddy has to
put a show on for the people.
I'll do it.
[SNORING]
♪ Itsy witsy spider ♪
♪ Went up the water spout ♪
♪ Down came the rain
And washed the spider out ♪
♪ Down came the sun
And dried all the rain ♪
♪ And the itsy witsy spider
Went up the water spout ♪
JESSE: Oh, yeah!
JESSE: Too much! [APPLAUSE]
Why is a three-year-old
hosting my telethon?
Well, because her
daddy is sleeee-ping.
♪ Itsy, witsy spider
Went up the water spout ♪
[BAND PLAYING BLUES
MELODY] JESSE: ♪ The itsy ♪
♪ The itsy, bitsy ♪
♪ Spider ♪
♪ Yeah! Oh! Hey! ♪
BOTH: Oh, yeah!
[CHEERING & APPLAUSE]
JESSE: Whoo!
Ain't nothin' to it,
a baby can do it.
All right!
Thank you very much.
Joey, what's up next?
Well, not Danny.
Well... it seems like we, uh...
We have a little gap in the
entertainment, if you will,
here at the We Love
Our Children Telethon '9O.
And, uh, not that we're
in trouble or anything,
but I know there are a lot of
great acts in town this week.
The Bolshoi Ballet, the
Beach Boys, Chimps on Ice...
If any of you are
out there watching,
I'm not gonna beg, but...
[TEARFULLY] please, please
come down and help us out.
All right, now what?
What do you wanna do?
You wanna sing the alphabet?
Come on, man, do that
alphabet thang you do so well.
Here's your mike, babe.
♪ A, B, C, D, E, F, G ♪
♪ H, I, J, K, N, N, N, O, P ♪
Now she's singing the alphabet?!
Oh, don't worry.
Aside from that MNOP
part, she's pretty good.
♪ Y and Z ♪
♪ Now I know my ABCs ♪
♪ Next time Won't
you sing with me? ♪
[APPLAUSE & CHEERING]
Congratulations, you
guys are now the hosts.
Your first job, wipe his chin.
Well, what do we do now?
I don't know, but I
ain't wipin' his chin.
I have an idea. I can do
my dance to "Love Shack."
What do you guys think?
Great! I'll go get the tape.
Deej, why don't you sing
that song you do to Michelle?
Well... Thank you.
The cow goes, "Moooo!"
And there you have it,
the fabulous barnyard
stylings of Michelle Tanner.
Thank you very much.
You're welcome very much.
All right.
And now, for our next performer.
Here she is performing
"Love Shack," baby,
Stephanie Tanner!
[BAND PLAYING THE
B-52'S "LOVE SHACK"]
MAN: ♪ If you see a faded
sign On the side of the road ♪
♪ That says 15 miles to the... ♪
WOMAN: ♪ Love Shack ♪
♪ Love Shack Yeah ♪
♪ I'm headin' down
The Atlanta highway ♪
♪ Lookin' for the love ♪
♪ Getaway ♪
♪ Headin' For the love getaway ♪
MAN: ♪ I got me a car
It's as big as a whale ♪
♪ And we're headin' on
down To the love shack ♪
♪ I got me a Chrysler
And it seats about 20 ♪
♪ So hurry up and bring
Your jukebox money ♪
WOMAN: ♪ Well The love shack ♪
♪ Is a little Ol' place where ♪
♪ We can Get together ♪
♪ Love shack Baby ♪
MAN: ♪ Love shack, baby ♪
WOMAN: ♪ Love shack ♪
[SONG ENDS]
[CHEERING & APPLAUSE]
Thank you, thank you.
And now, here she
is, direct from my room,
my sister and yours,
everybody give it
up for D.J. Tanner.
[BAND PLAYING
PLEASANT, GENTLE MELODY]
♪ I'm riding down the
aisle In a shopping cart ♪
♪ I ask my dad, "Please
Can we get some of these?" ♪
♪ He says, "You're
goi" To the dentist ♪
♪ "To get your teeth cleaned ♪
♪ So you can't have
any Of those sweets" ♪
♪ So we're headed
For the check stand ♪
♪ And I see in a pile ♪
♪ Just what I want So
I give my dad a smile ♪
♪ I ask, "Daddy, please
Can we get some of these?" ♪
♪ He said "You're
gonna get cavities" ♪
♪ But I want lollipops
And gummy bears ♪
♪ They're my favorite treat ♪
♪ When I'm being good I
ask my dad for a sweet ♪
♪ Lollipops and gummy bears ♪
♪ Are good for treats
And I can share ♪
♪ They make me so happy ♪
♪ They make me so happy ♪
♪ So happy as I can be ♪
♪ Lollipops and gummy
bears They're my favorite treat ♪
♪ When I'm being good I
ask my dad for a sweet ♪
♪ Lollipops and gummy bears ♪
♪ Are good for treats
And we can share ♪
♪ They make me so happy ♪
♪ They make me so happy ♪
♪ So happy as I can ♪
♪ Lollipops and gummy bears ♪
♪ Are good for treats
And we can share ♪
[SONG ENDS]
[APPLAUSE & CHEERING]
Yay!
JESSE: Yeah!
[PLAYING AEROSMITH'S
"JANIE'S GOT A GUN"]
[IMITATING STEVEN
TYLER] ♪ Janie got a gun ♪
♪ Janie got a gun ♪
[SCREECHING OFF-KEY]
♪ She just a little bitty baby ♪
[SINGING INCOHERENTLY]
Hey, hey! Stop!
[MUSIC STOPS]
Stop it!
Becky, please, do something
before he starts
doing Tina Turner.
Well, Jess, I have a
woman on the phone
who's willing to pledge $200
if Kimmy Gibbler
will ride her unicycle.
Gosh, that's a generous offer.
But unfortunately
Kimmy Gibbler's not here.
KIMMY: Guess again.
Thanks for callin', Mom!
"Sabre Dance"
in G. Hit it, boys.
[BAND PLAYING WILD,
FESTIVE MELODY]
Kimmy.
Kimmy! Kimmy! Kimmy!
Hey! Kimmy!
Kimmy! Get...!
[PANTING] Huh. Ah.
Close my eyes for two seconds,
it's the Kimmy Gibbler Telethon.
Danny, you've been
out for four hours.
Four hours?!
Why didn't somebody wake me?
Oh, my gosh, I...
I'm ruined! I ruined the
telethon! My life is over.
Danny, we're still on the air.
That concludes the
dramatic portion of our show.
Danny, don't worry. We
took over as hosts for you.
Joey, myself, Becky. The
girls did a little dancing.
It went extremely... okay.
Oh. Thanks, man.
You guys are the best.
Go get 'em.
All right, well, let's take
a look at our new total.
[DRUM ROLL PLAYING]
$960,00! All right!
[CHEERING & APPLAUSE]
Well, we're doing great,
but we gotta hit that
million-dollar mark
by the end of the show.
The kids are counting on you.
When we go off the
air, don't forget about
other important charities
that need your help.
Guess who's here.
Oh, uh... guess who's here!
One of the Beach
Boys, Mike Love.
And he's right over there!
Where'd he go?
I lost him! I lost a
whole Beach Boy!
Excuse me, I'm over here.
Oh!
Dr. Love! How you
doin'? How you doin'?
What're you doin' down here?
Well, I heard... Heard
you begging for help,
and I think it's a great cause,
and one to one, I
think we can work it out.
You'd really put us over
the top if you'd sing a song.
Well, I'd love to sing
"Be True To Your School,"
if we could get those
cheerleaders out here.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, thanks. Here
you go. All right.
I'm gonna sing the song.
I'm singer, you're drummer.
Right.
I'm gonna start the song.
A little... I'm gonna
pause, little drum roll.
Got it. A little
solo. Little tight.
I'm in. Let's hear the roll.
Got it.
Let's hit it!
♪ When some loud braggart
Tries to put you down ♪
♪ And says his school is great ♪
♪ I tell him right away ♪
♪ "Now, what's
the matter Buddy? ♪
♪ "Ain't you heard
Of my school? ♪
♪ It's number
one In the state" ♪
[PLAYING WILD SOLO]
You asked me to play a solo!
Ever since Ringo
started touring,
we've had problems
like this with drummers.
Hey, why don't you come
up here and play guitar?
All right.
LOVE: Here. JESSE: Hit it!
♪ Be true to your school now ♪
♪ Just like you would
To your girl or guy ♪
♪ Be true to your school now ♪
♪ And let your colors fly ♪
♪ Be true to your school ♪
Well, we're almost
at the end of the show.
Let's check the tote.
We did it!
[CHEERING & APPLAUSE]
♪ Be true to your school ♪
DANNY: Oh, boy!
♪ On Friday we'll be jacked
up On the football game ♪
We love our children,
and we love you.
Thanks a million!
LOVE: ♪ My girl will be
working On her pom-poms now ♪
♪ And she'll be
yelling Tonight ♪
♪ Be true to your school now ♪
♪ Just like you would
To your girl or guy ♪
♪ Be true to your school now ♪
♪ And let your colors fly ♪
♪ Be true to your school ♪
♪ Ooh-ooh-ooooh ♪
♪ Wooo-ooh-ooh Ooh-ooh, ooooh ♪
CHORUS: ♪ Ra, ra, ra
Be true to your school ♪
♪ Ooh-ooh-ooooh ♪
♪ Ra, ra, ra Be
true to your school ♪
♪ Wooo-ooh-ooh Ooh-ooh, ooooh ♪
♪ Ra, ra, ra Be
true to your school ♪
♪ Wooo-ooh-ooh Ooh-ooh, ooooh ♪
♪ Ra, ra, ra Be
true to your school ♪
♪ Woo-ooh-ooh-ooooh ♪
♪ Ra, ra, ra Be
true to your school ♪
♪ Ooh-ooh-ooooh ♪
♪ Ra, ra, ra Be
true to your school ♪
♪ Wooo-ooh-ooh Ooh-ooh, ooooh ♪
♪ Ra, ra, ra Be
true to your school ♪
♪ Woo-ooh-ooh-ooooh ♪
♪ Ra, ra, ra Be
true to your school ♪
♪ Wooo-ooh-ooh Ooh-ooh, ooooh ♪
Daddy, guess who.
Uh... is it Big Bird?
No, silly.
Okay, then I give up. Who is it?
Michelle Elizabeth Tanner.
Oh, Michelle, you
fooled me again.
What are you doing up
in the middle of the night?
The sun woke me up.
What sun? It's only... 7:30?!
Michelle, I forgot
to go to sleep.
I was checking the
schedule for my big telethon,
and it's good I did
because in hour 17,
I booked back-to-back
tap dancers.
That's tune-out city.
And then... Daddy.
Yes, honey?
You talk too much.
It's very important
to be a good listener.
Maybe next time.
[JESSE FREDERICK'S
"EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK" PLAYING]
♪ Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahhh ♪
♪ Ahhh ♪
♪ Whatever happened
To predictability ♪
♪ The milkman The paperboy ♪
♪ Evenin' TV? ♪
♪ Ahh-ahh ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ There's a heart ♪
♪ There's a heart ♪
♪ A hand to hold on to ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ There's a face ♪
♪ Of somebody who needs you ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ When you're lost out
there And you're all alone ♪
♪ A light is waitin'
To carry you home ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahhh ♪
♪ Dooby-doo-baa-ba-daa ♪
[♪♪♪]
MAN: I'm getting really tired.
DANNY: Places everybody!
Two minutes to show time.
Uh, Jess, aren't you supposed
to be going over your music?
Danny, relax. I got it.
You got us playing
"Feelings" once every hour.
Ah, great news. That
4 a.m. "Feelings"?
It's been switched to
"Tie A Yellow Ribbon."
That is great news. DANNY: Joey,
what's in the doughnut boxes?
Doughnuts.
Great. Doughnuts go
on the doughnut table.
It's a good thing I
ran into you. Relax!
Becky, what are you
supposed to be doing?
Waiting for the show to start.
You're doing a great job.
Danny, relax.
All right, phone volunteers.
Is everybody ready?
ALL: Relax!
[PHONE RINGS]
All right! Our first call!
We Love Our Children Telethon
'9O, may I take your pledge?
Oh, hi, Kimmy.
Dad, it's for you.
Mr. T., I brought my unicycle.
If you need me,
I'm ready to ride.
That's very sweet of you to
offer, and gosh darn, Kimmy,
if this show wasn't
supposed to be entertaining,
you'd be right in there.
Tanner! Oh, Tanner, I
gave you 24 hours of airtime
on my station because I
have total confidence in you.
Now, don't screw this up!
Don't worry, Mr. Strowbridge.
Everything's under control.
Then how come you're
not wearing any shoes?
Oh, because, uh, I
wanted to impress you
with my brand-new
designer socks.
Wardrobe!
We're on the air in five
seconds, everybody. Here we go.
Four, three, two.
Welcome to the We Love
Our Children Telethon '90.
And now, your host for the show,
the host of Wake
Up, San Francisco,
Danny Tanner!
[BAND PLAYING FUN, COOL MELODY]
Ha!
Thank you, Jesse
and the Rippers.
Welcome to the first annual
We Love Our Children Telethon.
Our goal is to raise
$1,000,000 in the next 24 hours
to buy new equipment for
the Children's Health Center.
Right now, our lines are open
and volunteers are standing by
to take your calls.
Here's my little daughter
Michelle to give you
the number you can call.
Hi, people. I got a new dress.
To make a pledge dial 555-HELP.
Hi to all my friends at Frasier
Street Elementary School.
Hi, Laurie. Hi, Harry.
Hi, Brian. Hi, Walter. Hi...
Uh, Steph, honey, it's
only a 24-hour telethon.
[LAUGHS]
Well, what do you say
we bring out our fist act?
Say hello to one of the
hottest comics in San Francisco.
He's my close personal friend.
And that's not just
show-biz chatter
because he lives in my garage.
Say hello to Joey Gladstone!
[BAND PLAYS SILLY MELODY,
CROWD APPLAUDING]
Hey, thank you.
Oh, come on now, cut it out.
Quit it, come on, knock it off.
Hey, let's hear it for this band,
huh, ladies and gentlemen?
[CHEERING & APPLAUSE]
JOEY: Yes.
My favorite guy in any band
is always the bass
player, you know?
Because the bass player's
getting into his thing.
[IMITATES BASS
PLAYING FUNKY RIFF]
Then he looks over,
he sees the rest of the
guys in the band and smiles.
He's like:
"Hey, I like you guys."
Then, of course, you go
to a heavy-metal concert.
It's always great.
You get to hear
the lead guitarist,
right? He's always:
[IMITATES GUITAR
PLAYING WILD RIFF]
[IMITATES NOTE ECHOING]
[LAUGHTER]
[IMITATES NOTE ECHOING]
Your friends are just going,
"Hey, just wait, they're
gonna sing, dude."
You know, ladies and gentlemen,
every time you pick up that
phone and make a pledge,
you do some magic for the kids.
And now, I'd like to
do some magic for you.
Ladies and gentlemen, my lovely
assistant, Rebecca Donaldson
and the Cabinet of Mystery.
[BAND PLAYING DREAMY,
ELEGANT MELODY]
Oh!
[APPLAUSE]
[APPLAUSE]
[APPLAUSE]
The Cabinet of Mystery!
And now, ladies and
gentlemen, for the hard part.
Putting her back together.
[DRUM ROLL PLAYING]
[CYMBAL CRASHES]
[CHUCKLING] Get me out of here.
Well, while I go for help,
ladies and gentlemen,
why don't we bring
out the next act?
I am the next act. I'm
singing a duet with Danny.
Well, in that case, the song
stylings of Danny Tanner
and the Rebecca Donaldson Trio.
Joey! Joey!
Becky?
In here.
♪ Kiss today goodbye ♪
♪ Maybe we
should Do this later ♪
♪ No, we do what We have to do ♪
♪ And I can't regret ♪
Oh, you're gonna regret this.
♪ What I did for love ♪
♪ What I did for love ♪
BOTH: ♪ Gone ♪
♪ Love is never gone ♪
♪ As we travel on ♪
♪ Love's what we'll remember ♪
♪ Kiss today goodbye ♪
♪ Kiss my career goodbye ♪
♪ And point me Toward tomorrow ♪
♪ Point me Toward the exit ♪
♪ Wish me luck ♪
♪ Same to you ♪
Yeah, the same to you, fella.
♪ Oh Can't forget ♪
♪ Won't regret What I did ♪
♪ For love ♪
♪ What I did For love ♪
♪ What I did for ♪
ALL: ♪ Love ♪
[APPLAUSE] DANNY: Thank you.
[♪♪♪]
[ALL CHEERING]
Thank you, cheerleaders.
Boy, I miss football season.
Okay, Becky, why don't
we check that tote board?
Becky?
Oh, uh, Beck went
home to get some sleep.
Oh, right, I forgot.
She went home to get some sleep.
Sleep.
[CYMBAL CRASHES]
Hey, I'm back!
And we've only
got a little while left,
four hours in fact,
to hit that sack.
I mean, hit the
million-dollar mark.
[CHUCKLES]
Hi, Dad!
Oh, look! It's my
wonderful family,
back to answer the phones.
Hi, wonderful family!
Hi, Daddy.
Hi, Michelle. I got an idea.
Why don't you wait there,
and why don't we sit down
in this chair and rest awhile?
Ah, it's a nice,
soft, cozy chair.
Come here, honey.
Oh, boy. Oh, you're heavy. Ugh.
So, sweetheart, what
did you do last night?
I went to sleep.
You went to sleep?
Ah. Aren't you lucky.
You were in your bed,
and you were comfortable
under the covers, and...
then you closed your eyes.
Daddy.
Daddy.
Earth to Danny.
Shh. Daddy is sleeee-ping.
Well, your daddy has to
put a show on for the people.
I'll do it.
[SNORING]
♪ Itsy witsy spider ♪
♪ Went up the water spout ♪
♪ Down came the rain
And washed the spider out ♪
♪ Down came the sun
And dried all the rain ♪
♪ And the itsy witsy spider
Went up the water spout ♪
JESSE: Oh, yeah!
JESSE: Too much! [APPLAUSE]
Why is a three-year-old
hosting my telethon?
Well, because her
daddy is sleeee-ping.
♪ Itsy, witsy spider
Went up the water spout ♪
[BAND PLAYING BLUES
MELODY] JESSE: ♪ The itsy ♪
♪ The itsy, bitsy ♪
♪ Spider ♪
♪ Yeah! Oh! Hey! ♪
BOTH: Oh, yeah!
[CHEERING & APPLAUSE]
JESSE: Whoo!
Ain't nothin' to it,
a baby can do it.
All right!
Thank you very much.
Joey, what's up next?
Well, not Danny.
Well... it seems like we, uh...
We have a little gap in the
entertainment, if you will,
here at the We Love
Our Children Telethon '9O.
And, uh, not that we're
in trouble or anything,
but I know there are a lot of
great acts in town this week.
The Bolshoi Ballet, the
Beach Boys, Chimps on Ice...
If any of you are
out there watching,
I'm not gonna beg, but...
[TEARFULLY] please, please
come down and help us out.
All right, now what?
What do you wanna do?
You wanna sing the alphabet?
Come on, man, do that
alphabet thang you do so well.
Here's your mike, babe.
♪ A, B, C, D, E, F, G ♪
♪ H, I, J, K, N, N, N, O, P ♪
Now she's singing the alphabet?!
Oh, don't worry.
Aside from that MNOP
part, she's pretty good.
♪ Y and Z ♪
♪ Now I know my ABCs ♪
♪ Next time Won't
you sing with me? ♪
[APPLAUSE & CHEERING]
Congratulations, you
guys are now the hosts.
Your first job, wipe his chin.
Well, what do we do now?
I don't know, but I
ain't wipin' his chin.
I have an idea. I can do
my dance to "Love Shack."
What do you guys think?
Great! I'll go get the tape.
Deej, why don't you sing
that song you do to Michelle?
Well... Thank you.
The cow goes, "Moooo!"
And there you have it,
the fabulous barnyard
stylings of Michelle Tanner.
Thank you very much.
You're welcome very much.
All right.
And now, for our next performer.
Here she is performing
"Love Shack," baby,
Stephanie Tanner!
[BAND PLAYING THE
B-52'S "LOVE SHACK"]
MAN: ♪ If you see a faded
sign On the side of the road ♪
♪ That says 15 miles to the... ♪
WOMAN: ♪ Love Shack ♪
♪ Love Shack Yeah ♪
♪ I'm headin' down
The Atlanta highway ♪
♪ Lookin' for the love ♪
♪ Getaway ♪
♪ Headin' For the love getaway ♪
MAN: ♪ I got me a car
It's as big as a whale ♪
♪ And we're headin' on
down To the love shack ♪
♪ I got me a Chrysler
And it seats about 20 ♪
♪ So hurry up and bring
Your jukebox money ♪
WOMAN: ♪ Well The love shack ♪
♪ Is a little Ol' place where ♪
♪ We can Get together ♪
♪ Love shack Baby ♪
MAN: ♪ Love shack, baby ♪
WOMAN: ♪ Love shack ♪
[SONG ENDS]
[CHEERING & APPLAUSE]
Thank you, thank you.
And now, here she
is, direct from my room,
my sister and yours,
everybody give it
up for D.J. Tanner.
[BAND PLAYING
PLEASANT, GENTLE MELODY]
♪ I'm riding down the
aisle In a shopping cart ♪
♪ I ask my dad, "Please
Can we get some of these?" ♪
♪ He says, "You're
goi" To the dentist ♪
♪ "To get your teeth cleaned ♪
♪ So you can't have
any Of those sweets" ♪
♪ So we're headed
For the check stand ♪
♪ And I see in a pile ♪
♪ Just what I want So
I give my dad a smile ♪
♪ I ask, "Daddy, please
Can we get some of these?" ♪
♪ He said "You're
gonna get cavities" ♪
♪ But I want lollipops
And gummy bears ♪
♪ They're my favorite treat ♪
♪ When I'm being good I
ask my dad for a sweet ♪
♪ Lollipops and gummy bears ♪
♪ Are good for treats
And I can share ♪
♪ They make me so happy ♪
♪ They make me so happy ♪
♪ So happy as I can be ♪
♪ Lollipops and gummy
bears They're my favorite treat ♪
♪ When I'm being good I
ask my dad for a sweet ♪
♪ Lollipops and gummy bears ♪
♪ Are good for treats
And we can share ♪
♪ They make me so happy ♪
♪ They make me so happy ♪
♪ So happy as I can ♪
♪ Lollipops and gummy bears ♪
♪ Are good for treats
And we can share ♪
[SONG ENDS]
[APPLAUSE & CHEERING]
Yay!
JESSE: Yeah!
[PLAYING AEROSMITH'S
"JANIE'S GOT A GUN"]
[IMITATING STEVEN
TYLER] ♪ Janie got a gun ♪
♪ Janie got a gun ♪
[SCREECHING OFF-KEY]
♪ She just a little bitty baby ♪
[SINGING INCOHERENTLY]
Hey, hey! Stop!
[MUSIC STOPS]
Stop it!
Becky, please, do something
before he starts
doing Tina Turner.
Well, Jess, I have a
woman on the phone
who's willing to pledge $200
if Kimmy Gibbler
will ride her unicycle.
Gosh, that's a generous offer.
But unfortunately
Kimmy Gibbler's not here.
KIMMY: Guess again.
Thanks for callin', Mom!
"Sabre Dance"
in G. Hit it, boys.
[BAND PLAYING WILD,
FESTIVE MELODY]
Kimmy.
Kimmy! Kimmy! Kimmy!
Hey! Kimmy!
Kimmy! Get...!
[PANTING] Huh. Ah.
Close my eyes for two seconds,
it's the Kimmy Gibbler Telethon.
Danny, you've been
out for four hours.
Four hours?!
Why didn't somebody wake me?
Oh, my gosh, I...
I'm ruined! I ruined the
telethon! My life is over.
Danny, we're still on the air.
That concludes the
dramatic portion of our show.
Danny, don't worry. We
took over as hosts for you.
Joey, myself, Becky. The
girls did a little dancing.
It went extremely... okay.
Oh. Thanks, man.
You guys are the best.
Go get 'em.
All right, well, let's take
a look at our new total.
[DRUM ROLL PLAYING]
$960,00! All right!
[CHEERING & APPLAUSE]
Well, we're doing great,
but we gotta hit that
million-dollar mark
by the end of the show.
The kids are counting on you.
When we go off the
air, don't forget about
other important charities
that need your help.
Guess who's here.
Oh, uh... guess who's here!
One of the Beach
Boys, Mike Love.
And he's right over there!
Where'd he go?
I lost him! I lost a
whole Beach Boy!
Excuse me, I'm over here.
Oh!
Dr. Love! How you
doin'? How you doin'?
What're you doin' down here?
Well, I heard... Heard
you begging for help,
and I think it's a great cause,
and one to one, I
think we can work it out.
You'd really put us over
the top if you'd sing a song.
Well, I'd love to sing
"Be True To Your School,"
if we could get those
cheerleaders out here.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, thanks. Here
you go. All right.
I'm gonna sing the song.
I'm singer, you're drummer.
Right.
I'm gonna start the song.
A little... I'm gonna
pause, little drum roll.
Got it. A little
solo. Little tight.
I'm in. Let's hear the roll.
Got it.
Let's hit it!
♪ When some loud braggart
Tries to put you down ♪
♪ And says his school is great ♪
♪ I tell him right away ♪
♪ "Now, what's
the matter Buddy? ♪
♪ "Ain't you heard
Of my school? ♪
♪ It's number
one In the state" ♪
[PLAYING WILD SOLO]
You asked me to play a solo!
Ever since Ringo
started touring,
we've had problems
like this with drummers.
Hey, why don't you come
up here and play guitar?
All right.
LOVE: Here. JESSE: Hit it!
♪ Be true to your school now ♪
♪ Just like you would
To your girl or guy ♪
♪ Be true to your school now ♪
♪ And let your colors fly ♪
♪ Be true to your school ♪
Well, we're almost
at the end of the show.
Let's check the tote.
We did it!
[CHEERING & APPLAUSE]
♪ Be true to your school ♪
DANNY: Oh, boy!
♪ On Friday we'll be jacked
up On the football game ♪
We love our children,
and we love you.
Thanks a million!
LOVE: ♪ My girl will be
working On her pom-poms now ♪
♪ And she'll be
yelling Tonight ♪
♪ Be true to your school now ♪
♪ Just like you would
To your girl or guy ♪
♪ Be true to your school now ♪
♪ And let your colors fly ♪
♪ Be true to your school ♪
♪ Ooh-ooh-ooooh ♪
♪ Wooo-ooh-ooh Ooh-ooh, ooooh ♪
CHORUS: ♪ Ra, ra, ra
Be true to your school ♪
♪ Ooh-ooh-ooooh ♪
♪ Ra, ra, ra Be
true to your school ♪
♪ Wooo-ooh-ooh Ooh-ooh, ooooh ♪
♪ Ra, ra, ra Be
true to your school ♪
♪ Wooo-ooh-ooh Ooh-ooh, ooooh ♪
♪ Ra, ra, ra Be
true to your school ♪
♪ Woo-ooh-ooh-ooooh ♪
♪ Ra, ra, ra Be
true to your school ♪
♪ Ooh-ooh-ooooh ♪
♪ Ra, ra, ra Be
true to your school ♪
♪ Wooo-ooh-ooh Ooh-ooh, ooooh ♪
♪ Ra, ra, ra Be
true to your school ♪
♪ Woo-ooh-ooh-ooooh ♪
♪ Ra, ra, ra Be
true to your school ♪
♪ Wooo-ooh-ooh Ooh-ooh, ooooh ♪