Full House (1987–1995): Season 2, Episode 22 - Luck Be a Lady: Part 2 - full transcript

I'LL TELL BECKY THE THREE WORDS

THAT EVERY WOMAN WANTS TO HEAR.

I DID SOMETHING THIS
MORNING WITH TODD

THAT ALL AMERICAN
WOMEN FANTASIZE ABOUT.

AND THEN... MY DRIVER
WILL PICK YOU UP.

WHOA!

YOU'RE MAKING A BIG MISTAKE.

OH, REALLY?

THIS IS THE LAST
MISTAKE I MAKE WITH YOU.

WE'RE FINISHED.
WE'RE BREAKING UP.

WELL, FINE, THEN IT'S OVER.



UH-OH.

THE SIDE OF BEEF AND I

WERE GOING TO HAVE
DINNER TONIGHT WITH YOU!

WHOA, I'M A JERK.

I LOVE YOU.

I LOVE YOU, TOO.

WOW! THAT MEANS WE'RE IN LOVE!

WE'RE IN NEVADA.
LET'S GET MARRIED.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.

WILL YOU MARRY ME?

WHAT WILL HAPPEN?

I DON'T KNOW.

♪ WHATEVER HAPPENED
TO PREDICTABILITY ♪

♪ THE MILKMAN, THE
PAPER BOY, EVENING TV ♪



♪ HOW DID I GET DELIVERED HERE ♪

♪ SOMEBODY TELL ME, PLEASE ♪

♪ THIS OLD WORLD'S
CONFUSIN' ME ♪

♪ CLOUDS AS MEAN
AS YOU'VE EVER SEEN ♪

♪ THERE AIN'T A BIRD
WHO KNOWS YOUR TUNE ♪

♪ THEN A LITTLE VOICE
INSIDE YOU WHISPERS ♪

♪ KID, DON'T SELL YOUR
DREAMS SO SOON ♪

♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪

♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪

♪ THERE'S A HEART,
THERE'S A HEART ♪

♪ A HAND TO HOLD ONTO ♪

♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪

♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪

♪ THERE'S A FACE ♪

♪ OF SOMEBODY WHO NEEDS YOU ♪

♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪

♪ WHEN YOU'RE LOST OUT THERE ♪

♪ AND YOU'RE ALL ALONE ♪

♪ A LIGHT IS WAITIN'
TO CARRY YOU HOME ♪

♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪

♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪

♪ DOOBIE DOO BAH BAH DAH ♪♪

WILL YOU MARRY ME?

JESSE, THIS IS SO...

YES.

HAVE MERCY.

WE'VE GOT TO GET MARRIED NOW.

WAIT! RIGHT NOW?

YES. YOU SAID YOU'D MARRY ME.

WE'RE IN NEVADA. LET'S DO IT.

JESSE, HOLD ON A SECOND.

I NEVER DO THINGS LIKE THIS.

I ALWAYS DO THINGS LIKE THIS.

WE'VE GOT TO FIND A
PLACE TO GET MARRIED.

HERE'S A PHONE BOOK.

WE'RE LOOKING FOR A PLACE... P.

P-L...

THERE'S NO WEDDING
CHAPELS HERE IN NEVA...

WEDDING CHAPEL, AS IN "W."

I'LL BE SMARTER
WHEN WE'RE MARRIED.

I HAVE TO FIND A DRESS,

A PLACE TO HAVE THE RECEPTION.

LOOK. "THE ALI BABA HOTEL
AND CASINO WEDDING CHAPEL."

WE'LL JUST GET
MARRIED RIGHT HERE.

OK. I'LL CALL MY MOM, DAD,

CONNIE, CORKY...
I'LL MAKE A LIST.

HELLO, THIS IS JESSE KATSOPOLIS.

I AM MADLY IN LOVE WITH
REBECCA DONALDSON,

AND I'VE GOT TO GET
MARRIED RIGHT NOW.

WE'LL NEED SOME FLOWERS,

AND WE HAVE TO HIRE A BAND.

LET'S GET THOSE MATCHBOOKS

THAT SAY "JESSE AND REBECCA."

I'LL NEED AT LEAST SIX MONTHS.

THEY'LL TAKE US IN AN HOUR.

AN HOUR? JESSE, ARE YOU CRAZY?

THAT'S INSANE.

THIS IS MAGIC. THIS IS PASSION.

THIS IS SPONTANEITY.

WE DON'T NEED A BIG WEDDING.

REBECCA, ALL THAT
MATTERS IS YOU AND ME,

AND OUR PLEDGING OUR
LOVE TO EACH OTHER.

WHEN YOU PUT IT THAT WAY,

IT DOES SOUND ROMANTIC.

IT WILL BE.

AFTER WE'RE MARRIED,
WE'LL THROW A BIG PARTY.

WE'LL INVITE FRIENDS AND FAMILY

AND OTHERS WHO'LL
BRING NICE GIFTS.

IN THE MEANTIME, THIS
IS OUR SECRET, OK?

OK.

I CAN'T BELIEVE
WE'RE DOING THIS.

I FEEL LIKE I'M FLYING.

WELL, FASTEN YOUR
SEATBELT, BABE,

BECAUSE WE'RE ABOUT TO TAKE OFF.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

COME IN.

WHY SAY COME IN WHEN
YOU DON'T MEAN IT?

READY TO GO HORSEBACK RIDING?

UH... HORSEBACK RIDING.

NO, WE CAN'T.

WE CAN'T GO BECAUSE WE... WHAT?

WE'RE, UH...

WE'RE GOING TO RUN
SOME EMERGENCY ERRANDS.

ARE YOU GUYS HIDING SOMETHING?

"ARE YOU GUYS HIDING SOMETHING?"

I DON'T GET IT.

I HAVE AN IDEA.

CALL YOUR DAD

AND SEE IF HE CAN RIDE WITH YOU.

STAY RIGHT HERE.

USE MY PHONE.

HAVE FUN.

SEE YOU LATER, GIRLS!

THEY'RE UP TO SOMETHING.

STEF, WE HAVE A
MYSTERY TO SOLVE.

LET'S BE DETECTIVES...

LIKE SIMON AND SIMON.

OK...

BUT I GET TO BE SIMON.

SHOW ME SOME SIMILAR FRUIT!

AH, FRUIT COCKTAIL!

ARE YOU FINISHED
WITH THAT MACHINE?

I HAVE A SYSTEM. I
PLAY A ROW AT A TIME.

YOU'RE IN MY ROW.

I CAN'T LEAVE THIS MACHINE.

THIS MORNING I
WALKED AWAY FROM ONE.

THE NEXT PULL WON
THE $100,000 JACKPOT.

OH, YEAH.

THE WHOLE CASINO HAS
BEEN BUZZING ABOUT YOU.

YOU'RE KNOWN AS
THE JACKPOT JERK.

HEY, IT'S JOEY THE JACKPOT JERK.

NICE TO MEET YOU.

I'M SHIRLEY.

SEE THIS QUARTER?

I'M SAVING IT

FOR WHEN YOU LEAVE THAT MACHINE.

I HAVE A BUCKET OF QUARTERS

THAT WILL MAKE ME A WINNER.

I HAVE WAITED OUT
THREE HUSBANDS.

I CAN WAIT OUT YOU.

HEY, JOEY.

HI, DANNY.

MICHELLE, WHAT ARE
YOU DRESSED UP FOR?

HER PROM.

I'M TEACHING MICHELLE
TO SWIM LIKE A FISH.

READY TO BE A LITTLE FISHIE?

BIG FISHIE.

DON'T MAKE ME CALL SECURITY.

COME ON, DADDY, SWIM.

WAIT, MICHELLE,

YOU'RE HEADING FOR THE BUFFET.

SWEETIE, SOMEBODY
MIGHT MISTAKE YOU

FOR A JUMBO SHRIMP.

COME ON.

MR. KATSOPOLIS!

OOH!

DOESN'T ANYBODY
SHAKE HANDS ANYMORE?

I'M EXCITED FOR YOU.

ON BEHALF OF THE
MANAGEMENT OF THE FABULOUS

ALI BABA HOTEL AND CASINO
AND WEDDING CHAPEL...

I'M TRYING TO
KEEP THIS A SECRET.

DO YOU HAVE A WEDDING RING?

WE HAVE A FABULOUS
JEWELRY STORE HERE AT...

SAVE IT. I'VE BEEN
THERE ALREADY.

FABULOUS! FABULOUS!

LOOK AT THIS.

EH?

MMM!

I'VE GOT TO GET BACK TO BECKY.

I FEEL LIKE I'M BEING WATCHED.

YOU'RE GETTING
MARRIED. GET USED TO IT.

SEE YOU AT 2:00.

OK. BYE.

AHA! OUR VERY FIRST CLUE.

AHA!

BUT IT'S AN EMPTY BAG.

AHA! BUT IT'S FROM
A JEWELRY STORE.

AHA! AHA!

THERE GOES BECKY.

LET'S FOLLOW HER.

WELL, THAT'S IT. MY LAST
QUARTER. IT'S YOUR MACHINE.

HOW COULD I LOSE?

WELL, IT'S SIMPLE, SHIRL.

YOU THOUGHT I SPENT
MY LAST QUARTER, BUT...

I DIDN'T.

YES! OH, BABY, THE
CURSE IS BROKEN.

A $5.00 JACKPOT AND I AM EVEN.

SHIRLEY, THE KEY TO
RESPONSIBLE GAMBLING

IS KNOWING WHEN TO WALK AWAY.

$25!

HUM, BABY. HUM, BABY!

HUM, BABY!

HI, BECKY.

IMAGINE US RUNNING
INTO YOU HERE.

HOW DID YOUR SECRET ERRANDS GO?

THEY WEREN'T SECRET.
THEY WERE BORING.

I CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER
WHERE I WENT

OR WHY I'M HOLDING THIS.

I JUST TALKED... HI, GIRLS.

WHY DON'T YOU TALK
TO ME IN THE HALLWAY

WHERE THE LIGHT IS BETTER.

RIGHT. LIGHT'S
BETTER. MAKES SENSE.

QUICK, STEF, SEARCH THE ROOM.

BECKY BOUGHT A NEW FANCY DRESS.

AND A BLUE...

HEADBAND.

STEF, LOOK AT THIS.

THEY DREW A HEART AROUND
THE ALI BABA WEDDING CHAPEL.

UNCLE JESSE AND BECKY
ARE GETTING MARRIED.

WE SOLVED THE MYSTERY!

YAY, WE WON! WE WON!

UNCLE JESSE AND BECKY
ARE GETTING MARRIED?

[DOORKNOB JIGGLES]

GIRLS, LET US IN.

UH... DON'T TELL THEM WE KNOW.

GET THE BLUE HEADBAND OFF.

GO. GO! RUN, RUN!

GO! HURRY, HURRY!

HURRY!

UH.

WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?

NOTHING. THE WIND MUST'VE
BLEW THE DOOR SHUT.

AND LOCKED IT.

GOODBYE.

GOODBYE.

YOU THINK THOSE TWO
ARE UP TO SOMETHING?

UNCLE JESSE AND BECKY
ARE GETTING MARRIED!

THEY DON'T WANT US TO KNOW.

WE'VE GOT TO KEEP THIS SECRET.

ME KEEP THIS A SECRET?

DO YOU KNOW WHO
YOU'RE TALKING TO?

HEY, WE'RE BACK.

MICHELLE, HOW DID YOU
LIKE SWIMMING IN LAKE TAHOE?

WATER TOO COLD.

BRRR!

WHERE'S YOUR UNCLE JESSE?

UH... UNCLE JESSE?

NEVER HEARD OF HIM.

SOMEBODY HAS A SECRET.

UH-UH.

IF WE WANT INFORMATION
FROM THESE TWO GIRLS,

I THINK WE OUGHT TO SPEAK TO...

STEPHANIE. STEPHANIE.

OK, COME ON, HONEY.
YOU WERE BORN TO BLAB.

COME ON. YOU KNOW YOU'RE
DYING TO TELL SOMEBODY.

MM-MMM.

COME ON. NOTHING'S MORE FUN

THAN BLABBING A
BIG, JUICY SECRET.

WELL... FIGHT
IT, STEF. FIGHT IT!

SPILL THOSE SECRET BEANS.

P-PARDON ME ONE MOMENT.

JESSE GETTING MARRIED?

JESSE'S GETTING MARRIED?

BLABBERMOUTH.

WHAT MAKES YOU THINK THAT
JESSE'S GETTING MARRIED?

UNCLE JESSE BOUGHT
SOMETHING AT A JEWELRY STORE.

BECKY BOUGHT A NEW DRESS.

LOOK... THE BIGGEST CLUE OF ALL.

THERE'S A HEART AROUND
THE ALI BABA WEDDING CHAPEL.

IT DOES SAY 2:00 RIGHT HERE.

THIS IS JESSE'S HANDWRITING.

LOOKS TO ME LIKE JESSE
AND BECKY ARE ELOPING.

NOT IF I CAN HELP IT.

MARRYING LIKE THIS WOULD
BE THEIR BIGGEST MISTAKE.

WE'VE GOT TO STOP THIS WEDDING.

JESSE GETTING MARRIED.

I'VE GOT TO STOP THEM.

YOU AND PAM RAN
OFF AND GOT MARRIED.

BOTH OUR FAMILIES WENT CRAZY.

MY MOM CRIED A MONTH.

JESSE'S FORGETTING HOW HE FELT.

HE WAS 13 BUT VERY UPSET.

TRIED TO BEAT ME UP.

DANNY, HE DID BEAT YOU UP.

IF YOU CALL A
FRACTURED RIB BEAT UP.

EXCUSE ME.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT
YOU'RE DOING... OR WEARING?

COME ON. LET'S GO.

I'M WITH HER.

FOLLOW MICHELLE.

WHEN DID MICHELLE TAKE OVER?

BY THE POWER VESTED IN ME

BY THE FABULOUS STATE OF NEVADA,

I PRONOUNCE YOU HUSBAND...

STOP! YOU'RE MAKING
A HORRIBLE MISTAKE.

I FEEL LIKE A TOTAL IDIOT.

THEY SAY CLOTHES MAKE THE MAN.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
HAVE A HAPPY LIFE.

IF YOU HURRY, YOUR
PARKING WILL BE VALIDATED.

WHY ARE YOU GUYS HERE?

JESSE, DON'T DO THIS.

I'M TRYING TO SAVE YOU
FROM MAKING MY MISTAKE.

REMEMBER YOUR ANGER WHEN
I ELOPED WITH YOUR SISTER?

YEAH. I BEAT YOU UP,
AND I MAY DO IT AGAIN.

WE WOULD'VE TOLD YOU TONIGHT,

THEN THROWN A PARTY AT HOME.

I DON'T MEAN TO RUSH,

BUT THE KOPPELMANS HAVE
THE CHAPEL IN 12 MINUTES.

RIGHT. WE'D BETTER GET GOING.

I'M SORRY.

I HAD TO GET THAT OFF MY CHEST.

I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH.

I WISH YOU NOTHING
BUT HAPPINESS.

THANK YOU, DANNY.

THE KOPPELMANS ARE
BREATHING DOWN YOUR NECK.

GET MARRIED.

I WANT YOU TO STAY.

THIS IS MY WEDDING DAY!

HOW WOULD YOU GIRLS
LIKE TO BE BRIDESMAIDS?

I WANT YOU TO BE
MY BEST MAN... MEN.

YEAH.

GOOD THING I WORE
MY FORMAL CABANA SUIT.

THIS CHITCHAT IS CUTTING
INTO YOUR 12 MINUTES...

WHICH IS NOW 8.

PRINCESS, YOU'RE GOING TO BE

OUR LITTLE FLOWER GIRL.

MUSIC!

[PLAYS THE WEDDING MARCH]

PLACES, EVERYBODY, PLACES!

THIS IS IT.

I GUESS SO.

I LOVE YOU.

I LOVE YOU, TOO.

DEARLY BELOVED, WE
ARE GATHERED HERE

AT THE FABULOUS ALI BABA

HOTEL AND CASINO WEDDING CHAPEL

TO SHARE WITH THESE TWO PEOPLE

THEIR COMMITMENT
TO JOURNEY TOGETHER

WHEREVER LIFE'S
ROADS MAY TAKE THEM.

WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

WE'RE STAYING IN SAN FRANCISCO.

IT JUST MEANS THAT WE'LL
ALWAYS BE TOGETHER.

GO AHEAD.

IF I GET A BETTER JOB
OFFER IN NEW YORK,

WE'D HAVE TO MOVE.

EXCUSE US FOR ONE SECOND.

COME HERE.

WHAT ABOUT NEW YORK?

IT'S HYPOTHETICAL.

IT COULD BE LOS ANGELES,
CHICAGO, ANYWHERE.

WHEREVER LIFE'S JOURNEY
TAKES ME, WE GO TOGETHER.

WHAT ABOUT SAN FRANCISCO?

MY FAMILY'S THERE, MY
BAND, MY ADVERTISING CAREER.

5 MINUTES!

NO PRESSURE.

WE'LL DISCUSS IT
ON THE HONEYMOON.

HURRY UP, PEOPLE!

[ORGANIST PLAYS FAST]

TODAY IS YOUR
FIRST DAY AS A FAMILY.

MAY YOUR MARRIAGE BE
BLESSED WITH MANY CHILDREN.

AND SOON.

WELL... NOT TOO SOON.

WHAT DOES "NOT TOO SOON" MEAN?

WELL, I DON'T KNOW.

5, 10 YEARS?

BY THEN I THOUGHT
WE'D HAVE 5 OR 10 KIDS.

EXCUSE US. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

10 KIDS?

WHAT?

I HAVE MANY THINGS TO DO
BEFORE HAVING CHILDREN.

YOU'LL MAKE SUCH A GREAT MOTHER.

YES, LATER.

DON'T I HAVE ANYTHING
TO SAY ABOUT THIS?

WE BOTH HAVE LOTS TO SAY.

2-MINUTE WARNING!

MOVE IT, PEOPLE!

WE'LL SAY IT
AFTER WE SAY "I DO."

[ORGANIST PLAYS FASTER]

LET'S CUT TO THE CHASE.

DO YOU, JESSE KATSOPOLIS,
TAKE REBECCA DONALDSON

TO BE YOUR WIFE TILL
DEATH DO YOU PART?

I DO.

DO YOU, REBECCA DONALDSON,
TAKE JESSE KATSOPOLIS

TO BE YOUR HUSBAND
TILL DEATH DO YOU PART?

SAY "I DO."

I...

I...

I NEED MORE TIME
TO THINK THIS OVER.

THINK FAST. THE KOPPELMAN
WEDDING'S IN 45 SECONDS.

BECKY.

I'M SORRY. I CAN'T DO THIS.

I DO.

♪ SITTIN' IN THE MORNIN' SUN ♪

♪ I'LL BE SITTIN' TILL
THE EVENIN' COMES ♪

♪ WATCHIN' THE SHIPS ROLL IN ♪

♪ AND I'LL WATCH THEM ROLL... ♪♪

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

JESS, IT'S BECKY.
CAN I TALK TO YOU?

HOLD ON A SECOND.

HANG ON.

YEAH, COME ON IN.

CRYSTAL, YEAH, FREE MAN NOW.

SATURDAY NIGHT? IT SOUNDS GREAT.

I'M REALLY LOOKING
FORWARD TO IT.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

[RING]

SORRY, CRYSTAL, GOT TO GO.

GOT ANOTHER CALL. BYE.

HEY, BECK.

GOOD TO SEE YOU.
HOW'S EVERYTHING?

YOU DON'T HAVE
TO PUT ON THIS ACT.

ARE YOU SAYING THIS
SMILE ISN'T SINCERE?

JESS, I'M REALLY SORRY
ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED.

I DIDN'T WANT TO HURT YOU.

PLEASE. YOU HURT ME?

YOU'RE TALKING TO A FIGHTER.

I GET KNOCKED DOWN.

BOOM! I'M RIGHT BACK UP AGAIN.

HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?

WHEN YOU WALKED
OUT ON ME LIKE THAT,

IT KILLED ME.

I'M SORRY.

IT'S JUST THAT I
NEEDED TIME TO THINK.

EVERYTHING WAS
HAPPENING SO FAST.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT?

CAN YOU HONESTLY TELL ME

YOU WERE READY TO GET MARRIED,

HAVE CHILDREN, TURN YOUR
WHOLE LIFE UPSIDE-DOWN?

YES. I COMMIT TO
SOMETHING AND GO FOR IT.

WE DIDN'T THINK IT THROUGH.

WHEN WE WERE WALKING
UP AND DOWN THE AISLE,

WE DISCOVERED WE HAD
SOME PRETTY BIG DIFFERENCES.

YOU'RE RIGHT.

THANK YOU. I'M GLAD
WE FOUND THIS OUT.

YOU SAVED US FROM
MAKING A HORRIBLE MISTAKE.

JESSE!

LISTEN TO YOURSELF.

WHY DOES EVERYTHING
HAVE TO BE ALL OR NOTHING?

YES, WE LEARNED
WE HAVE DIFFERENCES

THAT WE NEED TO WORK OUT.

WE ALSO LEARNED WE
HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON.

LIKE WHAT?

LIKE WE LOVE EACH OTHER.

YOU STILL LOVE ME?

HEY, I ALMOST MARRIED YOU

AT THE FABULOUS ALI BABA HOTEL
AND CASINO WEDDING CHAPEL.

NOW, THAT IS LOVE, BABE.

OH, MY GOD, WE
ALMOST GOT MARRIED.

I WAS SO EXCITED

THAT YOU FINALLY
SAID YOU LOVE ME.

IT FELT SO WONDERFUL,

I DIDN'T WANT IT TO
END, SO I PROPOSED.

I DIDN'T THINK ABOUT THE FUTURE.

WHY DID YOU SAY YES ANYWAY?

ARE YOU CRAZY?

I'M CRAZY ABOUT YOU.

RIGHT BACK AT YOU, BABE.

CAN WE KEEP GETTING
TO KNOW EACH OTHER?

YES, BECAUSE WHEN I GET MARRIED,

I WANT IT TO LAST FOREVER.

YOU OK, JESSE?

AW, YES, I'M OK.

YOU GUYS CAN COME IN.

YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO
SEND IN THE MUNCHKIN SPY.

WE WERE IN THE GIRLS' ROOM...

WAITING FOR THE RIGHT
TIME TO SEND MICHELLE IN.

MM-HMM. DON'T WORRY.
EVERYTHING'S OK.

WE'RE NOT GETTING MARRIED,

BUT WE'RE STILL IN LOVE.

OK? SO LET'S CELEBRATE

AND PUT A LITTLE MUSIC ON.

I'M GLAD IT WORKED OUT.

IT'S NICE.

THERE'S A HAPPY SONG.

HEY, THE TANNERS CAN
MAKE ANYTHING HAPPY.

♪ ...SUN ♪

♪ I'LL BE SITTIN' WHEN
THE EVENIN' COMES ♪

♪ OW, BABY ♪♪

CAPTIONING PERFORMED BY THE
NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE, INC.

PUBLIC PERFORMANCE OF
CAPTIONS PROHIBITED WITHOUT

PERMISSION OF NATIONAL
CAPTIONING INSTITUTE