Full House (1987–1995): Season 2, Episode 19 - Blast from the Past - full transcript

LET'S SEE YOUR TUMMY.

YOU'RE GETTING FATTER
THAN YOUR UNCLE JESSE.

QUICK! PUT THE SWEATER ON.

NO. I DO IT.

DON'T YOU WANT HELP?

NO. I DO IT.

OH, FEELING A LITTLE
INDEPENDENT, ARE YOU?

OK. THAT'S FINE WITH ME.

I'LL JUST SIT AND CATCH
UP ON MY DR. SEUSS.

HELP!

COME HERE, YOU.



WE GOT TO PUT THE
HAND THROUGH THERE.

WE PUT THE HEAD THROUGH THERE.

I TOLD YOU IT WAS A TWO-MAN JOB.

I DID IT.

WELL, I... HELPED.

I DID IT.

NO, I HELPED.

NO, I DID.

NO, I DID IT.

NO, I DID IT.

♪ WHATEVER HAPPENED
TO PREDICTABILITY ♪

♪ THE MILKMAN, THE
PAPER BOY, EVENING TV ♪

♪ HOW DID I GET DELIVERED HERE ♪

♪ SOMEBODY TELL ME, PLEASE ♪



♪ THIS OLD WORLD'S
CONFUSIN' ME ♪

♪ CLOUDS AS MEAN
AS YOU'VE EVER SEEN ♪

♪ THERE AIN'T A BIRD
WHO KNOWS YOUR TUNE ♪

♪ THEN A LITTLE VOICE
INSIDE YOU WHISPERS ♪

♪ KID, DON'T SELL YOUR
DREAMS SO SOON ♪

♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪

♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪

♪ THERE'S A HEART,
THERE'S A HEART ♪

♪ A HAND TO HOLD ONTO ♪

♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪

♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪

♪ THERE'S A FACE ♪

♪ OF SOMEBODY WHO NEEDS YOU ♪

♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪

♪ WHEN YOU'RE LOST OUT THERE ♪

♪ AND YOU'RE ALL ALONE ♪

♪ A LIGHT IS WAITIN'
TO CARRY YOU HOME ♪

♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪

♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪

♪ DOOBIE DOO BAH BAH DAH ♪♪

ANY THOUGHTS ON THAT
MUFFLER COMMERCIAL?

NO, BUT I FOUND
SOMETHING INTERESTING.

IF YOU SHAKE A PENCIL,

IT LOOKS LIKE IT
TURNS TO RUBBER.

HEY, YOU GUYS WORKING?

NO.

SNITCH.

I LOVE THIS TIME OF YEAR.

FIRST, SPRING CLEANING,

AND NOW, IT'S INCOME TAX TIME.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

I'LL GET IT.

HELLO.

HI, LADY.

I WENT POO-POO IN THE POTTY.

I HOPE THAT'S A WRONG NUMBER.

WILL YOU GIVE ME THAT, HUH?

DOUBLE J CREATIVE SERVICES.

YEAH. HE'S RIGHT HERE.

CAN I SAY WHO'S CALLING?

HOLD ON A SECOND.

JOEY, IT'S A PATTY FOGERTY.

PATTY?

FOGERTY.

HOLD ON, PLEASE.

WHO IS... PATTY?

FORGERTY.

SHE'S MY OLD GIRLFRIEND
FROM COLLEGE.

I CAN'T TALK TO HER.

JOEY, SAY HELLO.

PATTY WAS THE ONE.

I WAS GOING TO ASK
HER TO MARRY ME.

UNTIL SHE WALKED OUT ON YOU.

NO PHONE CALL. NO GOODBYE.

SHE LEFT ME A NOTE.

ON HER NEW
BOYFRIEND'S STATIONERY.

OUCH.

FACE IT.

SHE RIPPED OUT YOUR HEART,

THREW IT ON THE GROUND,

AND DID THE MEXICAN HAT DANCE.

OH, LOOK. HERE HE IS NOW.

TALK.

DON'T WORRY. I'LL TALK TO HER,

BUT I'M NOT GOING TO SEE HER.

HELLO, PATRICIA.

COME ON OVER.

MY ADDRESS IS 1882 GIRARD.

I'LL SEE YOU TONIGHT AT 7:00.

ALL RIGHT.

HEY, SHE SAID PLEASE.

LEAVE YOUR HEART ON THE DOORSTEP

SO SHE CAN WIPE HER FEET.

THIS IS THE GREAT
LOVE OF HIS LIFE.

WE'RE TALKING
ABOUT ROMANCE HERE.

BESIDES, MY BOY CAN
MAKE HIS OWN DECISIONS.

TELL HER EVERYTHING YOU WANTED,

THEN SWEEP HER OFF HER FEET.

HE CAN MAKE HIS MIND UP.

I HAVE HERE AN EMPTY TUBE.

MICHELLE, SAY THE MAGIC WORDS.

PLEASE AND THANK YOU.

TA-DA!

YAY! YAY!

GOOD MAGIC!

LET ME DO THE
TRICK YOU TAUGHT ME.

AND NOW, THE BALL OF MYSTERY.

♪ DA DA DEE DA DA ♪

♪ DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA ♪

♪ DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA ♪♪

D.J., YOU DROPPED
YOUR BALL OF MYSTERY.

THANKS.

HEY!

SO I HAVE THREE HANDS.

SO WHAT?

LET'S GET BACK TO
SOME REAL MAGIC.

I NEED TWO VOLUNTEERS.

ME, ME, ME.

I'LL PICK YOU AND YOU.

AW, NUTS.

I HAVE HERE A PAIR OF
SOLID STEEL HANDCUFFS.

NOW... HAVE WE EVER MET BEFORE?

UNFORTUNATELY... WE HAVE.

I PLACE THE HANDCUFFS

ON MY TWO LOVELY VOLUNTEERS.

NOW... I TAKE THE MAGIC SCARF

AND PLACE IT OVER THE HANDCUFFS.

LET ME MAKE SURE
THEY'RE GOOD AND TIGHT.

OK.

MMMMMM.

PRESTO CHANGE-O.

YOU'RE FREE.

IF YOUR DAD FINDS
OUT, HE'LL CALL MY MOM.

SHE'LL TELL MY BROTHER
I TOOK HIS MAGIC SET.

HE'LL MAKE MY LIFE DISAPPEAR.

HE ALREADY MADE
YOUR BRAIN DISAPPEAR.

THE SHORT TAX FORM
TOOK ME 10 MINUTES.

YOU WOULDN'T SAY THAT

IF YOU TOOK THE TIME
TO READ YOUR TAX CODES.

STUDY... LEARN...
SAVE... SNOOZE.

YOU MAY BE ENTITLED TO A REFUND

OF HUNDREDS OF DOLLARS.

GIVE ME THAT BOOK.

WHOA! WOO!

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

JOEY, DON'T TRY TO IMPRESS HER.

I WANT TO SHOW HER
WHAT SHE GAVE UP.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN DO THIS.

BE COOL. BE SMOOTH.

BE A HEARTBREAKER.

GO GET THEM, KILLER.

JOSEPH, THE FLY, THE FLY!

JOEY. HI.

HI, PATTY.

YOU LOOK GREAT.

DID YOU BRING BACK MY
PETER FRAMPTOM ALBUM?

YOU'RE STILL MAKING ME LAUGH.

THIS IS MY ROOMMATE,
JESSE KATSOPOLIS.

HI.

HOW ARE YOU?

JOEY'S TOLD ME SO
MUCH ABOUT YOU.

NOTHING SPECIFIC,

YOU KNOW, MOSTLY GOOD THINGS.

THEY WERE VAGUE,
BUT GOOD THINGS.

WHO IS THIS WOMAN?

PATTY, YOU REMEMBER DANNY.

HI.

DANNY, HI.

HOW YOU DOING?

BOY, SEEING YOU
AND JOEY TOGETHER.

BRINGS BACK SO MANY MEMORIES.

I'LL BET SEEING YOU

BRINGS BACK A FEW
MEMORIES FOR JOEY, TOO.

I THINK IT'S GREAT.

YOU AND DANNY ARE STILL FRIENDS.

REMINISCING ALWAYS
MAKES ME FEEL LIKE DANCING.

PATTY, WHY DON'T
WE GO TO MY ROOM.

IT'S HARD TO TALK
DURING A FIESTA.

AW, COME ON.

YOU LOOK DEPRESSED.

CHEER UP.

READ THE TAX CODE.

I MOVED IN HERE TO HELP DANNY

RAISE THE THREE GIRLS.

YOU HAVEN'T CHANGED A BIT.

OH, JOEY.

PATTY, JUST OUT OF CURIOSITY,

WHY ARE YOU HERE?

I WAS MARRIED FOR A WHILE.

I JUST GOT DIVORCED,

AND I STARTED THINKING,

"WHEN WAS THE
LAST TIME IN MY LIFE

I WAS REALLY HAPPY?"

WHEN I WAS WITH YOU.

I JUST WANTED TO TOUCH

THAT PART OF MY LIFE AGAIN.

THERE WERE A LOT OF GREAT TIMES,

BUT, PATTY... OH, POPEYE!

YOU STILL HAVE
THE DOLL I GAVE YOU.

OH!

REMEMBER WHEN YOU
DID THE VOICE FOR ME?

YEAH. IT WAS RIGHT
AFTER OUR FIRST KISS.

REMEMBER, I WENT
HCK, HCK, HCK, WHOA!

ANY TIME I NEED A
REALLY GOOD LAUGH

I THINK ABOUT THE
FIRST TIME I SAW YOU.

OH, NO. NOT HALF TIME
AT THE HOMECOMING GAME.

YUP.

56,000 PEOPLE WAITING
TO SEE THE CROWNING

OF THE HOMECOMING QUEEN,

AND THERE'S THIS MANIAC

STREAKING THE FULL LENGTH
OF THE FOOTBALL FIELD...

BUCK NAKED.

I WAS NOT BUCK NAKED.

I WAS WEARING HIGH-TOPS
AND A NIXON MASK.

I MISS THE FUN WE HAD.

IT WAS A LOT OF FUN, WASN'T IT?

UNTIL YOU WALKED OUT ON ME.

HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO ME?

YOU NEVER EVEN SAID GOODBYE.

YOU TOOK OFF WITH
MICHAEL WINCHESTER

AND LEFT ME A NOTE.

DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THAT HURT?

DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA

WHAT YOU PUT ME THROUGH?

I WANTED TO SAY GOODBYE.

I JUST COULDN'T FACE YOU.

I'M SO SORRY.

I STILL DON'T KNOW WHY
YOU LEFT ME FOR MICHAEL.

BECAUSE DESPITE ALL
THE FUN WE WERE HAVING,

I NEEDED SOME
ROMANCE IN MY LIFE.

I WANTED SOMEONE
TO SAY I LOVE YOU.

I SAID I LOVE YOU.

YEAH... AS BULLWINKLE,
YOSEMITE SAM, ELMER FUDD.

I WANTED TO HEAR YOU SAY IT.

I CAN'T BELIEVE

YOU DIDN'T KNOW
HOW I FELT ABOUT YOU.

I WANTED TO SPEND THE
REST OF MY LIFE WITH YOU.

YOU KNOW, FOR 10
YEARS I'VE WONDERED

WHAT IT WOULD FEEL
LIKE TO HOLD YOU AGAIN.

HOW DOES IT FEEL?

WONDERFUL.

I REALLY DID LOVE YOU.

I DON'T THINK I EVER STOPPED.

♪ DOING MY TAXES
IS REALLY NEAT ♪

♪ I'M SO COOL, I SAVED
ALL MY RECEIPTS ♪♪

IF THE LONG FORM
MAKES ME MORE MONEY,

LET'S DO IT.

THESE ARE LAST YEAR'S RECEIPTS.

THIS IS WHERE I TOOK
MY BOSS TO A NICE LUNCH.

WE GOT TWO QUARTER-POUNDERS
AND A FRENCH FRY.

NOW, WOULD THAT BE CONSIDERED

A MCWRITE-OFF?

GET IT? MCWRITE-OFF?

SORRY, I'M WORRIED ABOUT JOEY.

HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE TO SAY,

"PATTY, I NEVER WANT
TO SEE YOU AGAIN"?

DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

I HOPE HE DOESN'T FALL
BACK UNDER HER SPELL.

SEE?

NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.

NOW!

WE MADE IT.

HI, GUYS.

DON'T DO THAT.

DID YOU GET THE KEY?

NO.

NO? NO?

IT'S IN RENO WITH MY BROTHER.

HE'LL BE BACK TOMORROW MORNING

TO PICK UP HIS
UNEMPLOYMENT CHECK.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

GIRLS?

DON'T GET ME IN TROUBLE!

THE BED!

MR. TANNER, I WANTED TO
GIVE YOU A GOOD-NIGHT HUG.

THANK YOU, KIMMY.

YOUR MOM CALLED.
SHE WANTS YOU HOME.

SEE YOU IN THE MORNING.

YOU BETTER.

WHY ARE YOU TWO IN THE SAME BED?

I LOVE MY LITTLE SIS.

I LOVE MY BIG SIS.

I KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN.

AS YOU GET OLDER,

YOU'LL GROW CLOSER AND CLOSER.

WE COULDN'T GET ANY CLOSER
THAN WE ARE RIGHT NOW.

GOOD NIGHT, GIRLS.

GOOD NIGHT.

THIS IS SO SWEET.

THIS IS A NIGHTMARE.

WHAT NOW?

I GUESS WE GO TO SLEEP.

D.J., I CAN'T SLEEP ON MY BACK.

NO... WAY.

THERE. ARE YOU SETTLED?

YES. ARE YOU SETTLED?

YES. GOOD NIGHT.

GOOD NIGHT.

D.J.?

WHAT?

I DRANK TOO MUCH
LEMONADE AFTER DINNER.

OH... COME ON, COME ON.

LET'S FINISH UNCLE
JESSE'S TAXES.

CAN YOU ADD THESE NUMBERS?

YOU KNOW HOW SMART YOU ARE?

DADDY'S SMART, TOO.

"DADDY'S SMART, TOO."

AND NOT A WITNESS IN THE ROOM.

ARE WE DONE? WE'VE
BEEN UP ALL NIGHT.

JESSE, I'M ABOUT TO MAKE
YOU A VERY HAPPY MAN.

ACCORDING TO YOUR SHORT FORM,

YOU WERE GETTING BACK
A MEASLY $352 TAX REFUND.

BUT THANKS TO
USING THE LONG FORM,

YOU ARE NOW ENTITLED TO...

PAY THE GOVERNMENT $48.17.

I HAVE TO PAY?

I'VE BEEN UP ALL NIGHT WITH YOU.

HAVEN'T I PAID ENOUGH?

DON'T WORRY. BE HAPPY.

♪ LOVE, LOVE,
EVERYWHERE THERE'S LOVE ♪

♪ LOVE IS HERE, LOVE IS THERE ♪

♪ LOVE IS EVEN HIDING
UNDER THE CHAIR ♪

HA HA HA!

WERE YOU OUT ALL
NIGHT, YOUNG MAN?

♪ YES, I WAS, YES I WAS ♪

WERE YOU WITH PATTY?

♪ YES, I WAS ♪

♪ YES, I WAS ♪

HEY, PAVAROTTEN, WAIT UP.

I WANT SOME DETAILS.

LOOK, DADDY.

OH, NO, MICHELLE. WHAT DID YOU?

TABLE ALL CLEAN.

YES, TABLE ALL CLEAN.

I'VE TAUGHT YOU WELL.

BUT I THINK I'VE
CREATED A MONSTER.

AGG!

OH, NO.

RRRRR.

RRRR.

OH, NO! IT'S THE MONSTER!

RRRR.

WE WENT TO OUR OLD HANGOUTS.

TALKED ABOUT OLD FRIENDS.

SHE LAUGHED AT MY OLD JOKES.

I'VE HEARD YOUR OLD
JOKES. SHE MUST LOVE YOU.

JOEY, LISTEN.

THERE ARE MILLIONS
OF FISH IN THE SEA.

WHY PICK ONE THAT
WILL BREAK YOU HEART?

I'M BACK WITH PATTY.
IT FEELS GREAT.

WHY CAN'T YOU JUST
BE HAPPY FOR ME?

WELL, MAYBE I HAVE
BEEN A LITTLE DOWN

ON THIS WHOLE THING.

A LITTLE?

DON'T YOU REMEMBER...

JOEY, I DON'T WANT TO
SEE YOU GET HURT AGAIN.

DON'T WORRY.

THIS TIME, I'LL DO IT RIGHT.

TONIGHT, I'M COOKING
PATTY DINNER,

AND I'M GOING TO BE MR. ROMANCE.

WELL, ACTUALLY, THAT
NAME'S TAKEN ALREADY.

OH, HEY, GIRLS.

WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR BREAKFAST?

WE JUST CAME TO SAY
WE'RE NOT HUNGRY.

GIRLS, WAIT. COME HERE.

YOU'RE WEARING THE SAME
CLOTHES AS YESTERDAY.

SO IS JOEY.

THAT'S BECAUSE I HAD SO
MUCH FUN IN THEM YESTERDAY

THAT I WASHED THEM
AND PUT THEM ON AGAIN.

US, TOO.

HI, TANNERS.

D.J., BAD NEWS.

MY BROTHER'S STAYING
IN RENO FOR A WEEK.

YOU CAN'T GET THE
KEY? LET ME AT HER!

WHOA! KIMMY, DID YOU HANDCUFF

MY DAUGHTERS TOGETHER?

BOY, NOTHING GETS BY YOU.

NO PROBLEM. THEY'RE MAGIC CUFFS.

I HAD THEM BEFORE.

I'LL NEED AN ASSISTANT.

THAT'S YOU... KIMMY.

WE SIMPLY PLACE
AN ORDINARY APRON

OVER THE HANDCUFFS,

AND THE LOVELY AND
TALENTED MISS GIBBLER

STICKS HER HANDS UNDER.

AND... ABRACADABRA!

ALL RIGHT!

HEY! THIS ISN'T FUNNY.

GET THESE OFF.

SHOULD I TAKE THEM OFF?

NAH. NAH.

NAH.

SORRY, BABE.

WAIT!

DON'T GO! I'M STUCK!

BOY, NOTHING GETS BY YOU.

MAY THE MAGIC OF THIS
MOMENT LIVE FOREVER.

AW, HOW SWEET.

MMM.

YOU KNOW WHAT THIS
SPAGHETTI REMINDS ME OF?

COME ON. REMEMBER?

COME ON... IT'S SILLY,
DON'T YOU THINK?

OH, FOR OLD TIME'S SAKE.

WELL, LADY AND THE TRAMP

WAS THE MOST ROMANTIC
CARTOON EVER MADE.

SURE.

YOU ALWAYS MAKE ME LAUGH.

MMM.

JOEY...

LET'S STREAK.

LET'S JUST TAKE
OFF ALL OUR CLOTHES

AND RUN THROUGH
YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD.

I CAN'T RUN NAKED.

THERE'S A NEIGHBORHOOD
WATCH PROGRAM.

I HAVE A BETTER IDEA.

FOOD FIGHT!

PATTY. PATTY!

WHAT?

PATTY! PATTY!

GOOD THING I DIDN'T
MAKE BAKED POTATOES.

I THOUGHT YOU WANTED
ME TO BE ROMANTIC.

THAT WAS 10 YEARS AGO.

I CAME BACK FOR
THE OLD CRAZY JOEY.

THERE'S ONLY THIS JOEY.

YOU'RE THE SAME GUY
THAT MADE ME LAUGH.

NO, I'M NOT THE SAME GUY.

YES, YOU ARE.

NO, I'M NOT!

YOU DON'T KNOW THIS JOEY.

I WORK IN ADVERTISING,

I'M RAISING THREE
GIRLS. I HAVE A NEW LIFE.

WHY ARE YOU GETTING SO UPSET?

I THOUGHT WE WERE
FALLING IN LOVE AGAIN.

WELL, SO DID I.

BUT I THINK WE'RE
FALLING IN LOVE

WITH THE MEMORIES.

ALL WE HAVE IS OUR PAST.

WHAT ABOUT OUR FUTURE?

JOEY, WE'RE GETTING
A SECOND CHANCE.

ONLY THIS TIME, WE COULD
HAVE A HAPPY ENDING.

I KNOW.

YOU CAME BACK INTO MY LIFE

JUST LIKE I DREAMED YOU WOULD.

IT SHOULD BE
PERFECT, BUT IT'S NOT.

LET'S FACE IT, WE DON'T
KNOW EACH OTHER.

YEAH.

I GUESS YOU'RE RIGHT.

IN A WAY, IT'S STILL
A HAPPY ENDING.

I SAID THINGS I NEEDED TO SAY

AND HEARD THINGS
I WANTED TO HEAR.

NOW I CAN FEEL GOOD ABOUT US.

ALL OF A SUDDEN, I FEEL
LIKE WE'RE STRANGERS.

WELL, WE'RE STANDING HERE

IN FRONT OF TWO
PLATES OF SPAGHETTI.

LET'S ENJOY THIS
BEAUTIFUL DINNER

AND GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER.

OK.

OK!

OK.

HI.

I'M JOEY GLADSTONE.

HI.

PATRICIA FOGERTY.

NICE TO MEET YOU.

DO YOU LIKE ITALIAN FOOD?

YES, I DO. THIS LOOKS DELICIOUS.

THE GREAT PART ABOUT IT IS,

IF THEY DON'T DELIVER
IT WITHIN A HALF HOUR,

IT'S FREE.

[IMITATING POPEYE]

WHOA!

I'M GOING TO EAT
THIS IN ONE BITE.

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