Full House (1987–1995): Season 2, Episode 14 - Little Shop of Sweaters - full transcript

WHAT ARE YOU DOING,
EATING WITH YOUR HANDS?

SOMEDAY YOU'LL BE INVITED
TO EAT AT THE WHITE HOUSE.

EATING WITH YOUR FINGERS WILL
GROSS OUT THE COMMANDER IN CHIEF.

YOU EAT WITH A SPOON, OK?

NO, THANK YOU.

NO, THANK YOU?

MICHELLE, GRAB
THAT SPOON AND EAT.

OK. YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN

WHEN THE SOUP COMES, YOUNG LADY.

I SEE YOU.

I SEE YOU'RE SNEAKING
ONE WITH YOUR HANDS.



I SEE YOU!

♪ WHATEVER HAPPENED
TO PREDICTABILITY ♪

♪ THE MILKMAN, THE
PAPER BOY, EVENING TV ♪

♪ HOW DID I GET DELIVERED HERE ♪

♪ SOMEBODY TELL ME, PLEASE ♪

♪ THIS OLD WORLD'S
CONFUSIN' ME ♪

♪ CLOUDS AS MEAN
AS YOU'VE EVER SEEN ♪

♪ THERE AIN'T A BIRD
WHO KNOWS YOUR TUNE ♪

♪ THEN A LITTLE VOICE
INSIDE YOU WHISPERS ♪

♪ KID, DON'T SELL YOUR
DREAMS SO SOON ♪

♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪

♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪

♪ THERE'S A HEART,
THERE'S A HEART ♪

♪ A HAND TO HOLD ONTO ♪



♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪

♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪

♪ THERE'S A FACE ♪

♪ OF SOMEBODY WHO NEEDS YOU ♪

♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪

♪ WHEN YOU'RE LOST OUT THERE ♪

♪ AND YOU'RE ALL ALONE ♪

♪ A LIGHT IS WAITIN'
TO CARRY YOU HOME ♪

♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪

♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪

♪ DOOBIE DOO BAH BAH DAH ♪♪

HERE'S A VALENTINE
FOR MY TEACHER.

TONGUE OUT.

THANK YOU.

HURRY UP, STEF.
MICHELLE'S DRYING UP.

WHAT DO I DO ABOUT
WENDELL BERMAN'S VALENTINE?

I CAN'T SIGN "LOVE, STEPHANIE"

TO SOMEONE WHO HAS HIS
FINGER IN HIS NOSE ALL DAY.

WHY DON'T YOU JUST PUT
"FROM STEPHANIE TO WENDELL,"

AND JUST THROW IN A
LITTLE PIECE OF KLEENEX?

GOOD THINKING.

UM-HMM.

♪ MY FUNNY VALENTINE ♪♪

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY, GIRLS.

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY.

LIKE THESE EARRINGS?

OH, JESS, THEY'RE BEAUTIFUL.

I'LL GET MY EARS
PIERCED TOMORROW.

THEY'RE NOT FOR YOU.

THEY'RE FOR BECKY.

IT'S ALL PART OF MY
VALENTINE'S DREAM NIGHT.

AH, AH. CHECK THESE OUT, GIRLS.

OOH! OOH!

UNCLE JESSE, ARE YOU IN LOVE?

WELL, BECKY AND I...
HOW DO I SAY THIS...

IF YOU SEE US
TOGETH... HE'S BABBLING.

IT'S LOVE.

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY, GIRLS.

ALL RIGHT, DAD, FASHION CENTRAL.

YOU GOT MY ROYAL BLUE SWEATER.

GUYS, DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING
ABOUT A ROYAL BLUE SWEATER?

NO.

NO WAY.

YES, YOU DO.

I STARTED HINTING FOR IT
THE DAY AFTER CHRISTMAS.

COULD WE OPEN OUR PRESENTS NOW?

PRETTY PLEASE?

PRETTY PLEASE?

PRETTY PLEASE?

OH, NO.

THE TRIPLE-LEG-HUG
PRETTY PLEASE.

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY.

THESE ARE FROM ALL THREE OF US.

THIS IS FOR YOU.

THIS IS FOR YOU,

AND MICHELLE,
THIS ONE'S FOR YOU.

ALL RIGHT.

OOH, A GOLD HEART.

IT'S SO PRETTY. THANK YOU.

IT'S A LOCKET. OPEN IT,

AND THERE'S PICTURES INSIDE.

WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?

THEY'RE THE PEOPLE WHO COME

WITH EVERY NEW PICTURE
FRAME AND WALLET.

AND NOW THE MOMENT

WE'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR.

WELL, I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR.

OH, THANK YOU FOR
MY ROYAL BLUE... SOCKS.

WELL, WON'T THOSE ROYAL
BLUE SOX GO FABULOUS

WITH YOUR NEW
ROYAL BLUE SWEATER?

OH, MY GOSH!

THANK YOU. THANK YOU.

THANK YOU.

FOOLED YOU.

THANK YOU, DADDY.

NO, NO, NO, MICHELLE.
NO, THERE'S MORE.

NOW, KEEP DIGGING.

YEAH.

YOU KNOW,

THIS WOULD MAKE A GREAT
DRESS WITH A BELT ON IT.

I'M GOING TO BELT YOU.

TAKE IT OFF NOW.

HEY, D.J., BE COOL.

NO, LOOK. SHE'S
STRETCHING IT OUT.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO
YELL AT ME. I'VE GOT EARS.

BUT YOU'VE GOT
NOTHING BETWEEN THEM,

YOU LITTLE CHICKEN WING.

OH, YEAH?

WELL, IF I'M A CHICKEN WING,

THEN YOU'RE A DOUBLE-DECKER,
LAMEOID CHICKEN SANDWICH.

YOU'RE LUCKY TO HAVE A SISTER.

NOW, SAY SOMETHING NICE.

OK.

STEPHANIE, YOU HAVE A
WONDERFUL BIG SISTER.

AND D.J.,

YOU HAVE AN EVEN MORE
WONDERFUL LITTLE SISTER.

YES, I DO. HER NAME'S MICHELLE.

HA!

CAN I WEAR MY SWEATER TO SCHOOL?

TAKE CARE OF IT.

I WILL.

HELP!

LET'S HELP HER OPEN IT

BEFORE SHE OUTGROWS IT.

RIP THAT OFF.

WHAT IS IT?

WHAT IS IT?

HERE WE GO!

OOH! WHOA!

PRETTY.

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY, MICHELLE.

THANK YOU.

NEXT YEAR, WE GET THE KID A BOX.

MR. BEAR, THIS ONE'S
FROM JASON FLEMING...

AND THIS ONE'S FROM
JASON GREENBLATT.

AND THIS ONE'S FROM
JASON YAMAGATO.

AND THIS ONE'S FROM
WENDELL BERMAN.

D.J., WHAT'S WRONG?

DON'T ASK.

TOO LATE, I ALREADY ASKED.

WHERE'S YOUR NEW SWEATER?

RIGHT HERE.

AND HERE.

AND HERE.

WHAT HAPPENED?

DID IT BLOW UP?

I WAS SO STUPID.

I WAS PLAYING SOCCER AT RECESS.

I TOOK MY SWEATER OFF
SO IT WOULDN'T GET SWEATY,

THEN THE GARDENER DROVE HIS
STUPID LAWNMOWER RIGHT OVER IT.

DADDY IS GOING TO FREAK OUT.

NOT IF MY PLAN WORKS.

HAVE NO FEAR, KIMMY
GIBBLER IS HERE.

IF SHE'S PART OF YOUR PLAN,

YOU NEED A NEW PLAN.

I'LL GO BACK TO THE STORE
AND BUY A NEW SWEATER.

HERE'S 11.80. IT'S ALL
THE MONEY I HAVE.

KIMMY, YOU'RE THE BEST
FRIEND IN THE WHOLE WORLD.

OK.

HERE'S THE OTHER $5.00.

I HAVE $27 IN MY GOT-TO-GET-A-CAR-
THE-DAY-I-TURN-16 FUND.

YOU CAN HAVE MY MONEY, TOO.

GREAT.

SHUT YOUR EYES. IT'S IN
MY SECRET HIDING PLACE.

GET IT OUT OF THE TOY
CHEST AND LET'S GO.

THAT'S THE OLD
SECRET HIDING PLACE.

I DON'T KEEP IT THERE ANYMORE.

SHUT YOUR EYES.

THANKS, JOEY.

IT'LL TAKE 10 MINUTES.

I'LL GO TO ONE-HOUR PHOTO AND
WATCH PEOPLE'S VACATIONS GO BY.

BYE, GIRLS.

BYE. BYE. BYE.

OH, HERE IT IS.

IT'S SO PRETTY. IT'S SO PERFECT.

IT'S SO IN ONE PIECE.

IT'S SO... $80?

MAY I HELP YOU?

YES. WILL THIS SWEATER
BE GOING 0N SALE SOON,

LIKE IN THE NEXT 10 MINUTES?

NO. I'M SORRY.

WELL, WE ONLY HAVE $43.80.

PLUS...

322 PENNIES IN CASH.

SORRY. YOU'RE A LITTLE SHORT.

I CAN'T HELP IT. I'M ONLY 6.

THAT'S IT.

I'M GOING TO HAVE TO TELL
JOEY, UNCLE JESSE, AND DAD

THAT I TURNED THEIR
BEAUTIFUL VALENTINE'S PRESENT

INTO $80 WORTH OF RAGS.

THAT'S TOO BAD.

WHILE WE'RE HERE,
LET'S TRY STUFF ON.

HMM.

EXCUSE ME, MA'AM.

YES?

IS THIS SIGN TRUE?

I CAN BUY NOW AND PAY LATER?

PEOPLE PAY LATER ALL
THE TIME. IT'S CALLED CREDIT.

HEAR THAT, MR. BEAR?

I CAN BY D.J. THE SWEATER NOW,

AND WHEN I SAVE UP ENOUGH MONEY,

I CAN PAY FOR IT LATER.

LET'S GO FIND JOEY.

OK.

[BEEP BEEP]

I NEED TO LOOK INSIDE YOUR BAG.

I HATE SHOPLIFTERS.

THEY DRIVE UP THE
PRICES FOR EVERYONE.

THANKS FOR THE RIDE, JOEY.

I'M AMAZED THAT THREE
OF YOU WENT INTO A MALL,

AND NO ONE BOUGHT A THING.

WE WERE PRACTICING OUR BROWSING.

YOU KNOW, KIMMY, ONE
DAY YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE

SOME LUCKY YOUNG
MAN VERY CONFUSED.

GREAT. HOW AM I GOING TO TELL
EVERYBODY ABOUT THE SWEATER?

YOU DON'T HAVE TO.

TA DA!

HOW DID YOU PAY FOR THAT?

THE LADY SAID I COULD PAY LATER,

SO I TOOK IT FOR YOU.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

OH, STEPHANIE.

WHAT'S WRONG?

YOU RIPPED IT OFF.

NO, I DIDN'T.

IT'S WRONG TO STEAL.

STEPHANIE, I KNOW YOU
WERE TRYING TO HELP ME,

BUT YOU TOOK THE
SWEATER WITHOUT PAYING.

THAT'S CALLED CREDIT.

WITHOUT A CREDIT CARD,
IT'S CALLED SHOPLIFTING.

IT IS?

I'VE GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE.

IF THE POLICE CONNECT
ME WITH THIS CRIME,

I'LL BE BANNED FROM THE MALL.

I'M A CRIMINAL?

I BROKE THE LAW?

D.J., I'M SCARED.

I DON'T WANT TO GO TO JAIL.

AM I GOING TO PRISON?

DON'T PANIC.

YOU'RE NOT GOING TO JAIL.

WE JUST RETURN THE
SWEATER TOMORROW

AND EVERYTHING
WILL BE JUST FINE.

CALM DOWN.

I FEEL MUCH BETTER.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

LET'S GO, VALENTINES.
WE'VE GOT A DATE TONIGHT.

D.J., WEAR YOUR NEW SWEATER.

I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE IT ON YOU.

NOW WHAT?

IF I WEAR THE STOLEN
SWEATER TO DINNER,

AND RETURN IT TOMORROW,

I WON'T RUIN EVERYONE'S
VALENTINE'S DAY.

I'D RUIN TOMORROW, INSTEAD.

YOU HAVE SUCH A GOOD HEART.

ALL I HAVE TO DO

IS GET THIS PLASTIC
ALARM THINGY OFF.

IT WON'T COME OFF.

THAT'S ALL RIGHT. I
THINK IT LOOKS NICE.

THERE'S GOT TO
BE A WAY TO HIDE IT.

COME ON, GIRLS. LET'S GO!

AHOY, LANDLUBBER.

I'M SETTIN' SAIL FOR ME
VALENTINE COSTUME PARTY.

YOU HAVE ANY SPINACH IN CANS?

THIS FROZEN STUFF
SHIVERS ME TIMBERS.

HA GA GA GA.

WEREN'T YOU GOING AS A
FAMOUS ROMANTIC COUPLE?

WHERE'S CHERYL?

OH, OLIVE OYL, IT'S YOUR ROMEO.

OH, HI, POPEYE.

NO, CHERYL, IT'S MORE LIKE...

OH, POPEYE. MY HERO.

OH, POPEYE! MY HERO!

UH, WE'LL WORK ON IT.

I'LL IMPROVE MY VOICE.

YOU IMPROVE THESE MUSCLES.

OH, AND SHE'S GOT A
LITTLE SMART MOUTH ON HER.

[MUTTERS LIKE POPEYE]

ALL RIGHT, NOW. WHERE'S
THAT LITTLE SWEE' PEA?

OH, SWEE' PEA.

OH, MICHELLE.

COME HERE.

OHH...

THAT'S HOW YOU LOOKED
WHEN YOU WERE BORN.

OH, GOSH. HOW ADORABLE.

HI, POPEYE.

HERE YOU GO.

DANNY, I WISH YOU
WAS COMIN' WITH ME.

NOW I TAKES A GOOD LOOK,

YOU'RE BUILT MORE LIKE OLIVE OYL

THAN CHERYL IS.

COME ON, OLIVE.

LET'S GO BEFORE ME
FOREARMS EXPLODES.

[HUMS LIKE POPEYE]

COME ON, GIRLS. LET'S GO!

DADDY, YOUR DATES ARE READY.

WHY ARE YOUR SWEATERS

ROLLED UP ON THE SIDE?

IT'S THE LATEST STYLE.
PRETTY COOL, HUH?

TRY IT, DADDY.

IF ANYONE'S READY TO
TAKE A FASHION RISK,

IT'S YOUR RAD DAD.

[SNEEZE]

BLESS YOU.

JESSE TOOK ME ON A HAYRIDE

THROUGH THE STREETS
OF SAN FRANCISCO.

IT WAS SO ROMANTIC...

THE STARS TWINKLING,
CITY LIGHTS SHINING,

JESSE SNEEZING.

A LITTLE ALLERGY TO THE HAY.

WE'RE OFF TO SEE ROGER RABBIT

FOR THE FIFTH TIME.

COME ON, GIRLS.

BYE, GIRLS. HAVE FUN.

YOU, TOO.

HEY, DANNY. WHAT'S
WITH THE SWEATER?

IT'S THE LATEST STYLE, DUDE.

WELL, THERE'S A LOOK

I DON'T WANT TO KNOW BETTER.

BOY... YOU REALLY
WENT ALL OUT TONIGHT.

YOU AIN'T SEEN NOTHIN' YET, KID.

FIRST, A LITTLE
LANGUAGE OF LOVE.

SOME MUSICA.

NEXT, SOME FIRE

TO HEAT UP THE
EVENING A LITTLE...

AS IF WE NEEDED IT.

WHOOP.

OOH.

AND NOW, A LITTLE TOAST.

HERE WE ARE.

TO MY VALENTINE.

TO FINDING EACH OTHER.

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY.

BECKY, I HAVE A LITTLE
SOMETHING FOR YOU.

THAT'S NOT IT.

I HOPE YOU LIKE THEM.

AND I HOPE YOU LIKE THIS.

WHOA.

OH, JESSE. SAPPHIRE EARRINGS.

THEY'RE BEAUTIFUL.

WHOA!

GENUINE ELVIS SPOON.

THANK YOU.

I'D NO IDEA YOU'D
BE EXTRAVAGANT.

IF I'D KNOWN, I... IT'S GREAT.

IT'S GOING TO GO PERFECT

WITH MY ELVIS CHEESE GRATER.

I'LL TRY THESE ON.

ALRIGHT.

LET'S SEE HOW THEY LOOK.

ALL RIGHT.

BEAUTIFUL.

THANK YOU.

I'M GLAD YOU MADE
ME WAIT FOUR MONTHS

BEFORE I GOT TO GO OUT WITH YOU.

IT GAVE US A CHANCE
TO KNOW EACH OTHER.

I... I FEEL LIKE YOUR FRIEND.

AND YOU'RE DIFFERENT.

YOU'RE, UH,
INTERESTING, YOU'RE...

HONEST, OPEN.

THOSE QUALITIES
ARE HARD TO FIND.

TRUST ME. I'VE LOOKED.

LISTEN TO ME. I'M RAMBLING ON.

I'M TRYING TO SAY

I'VE ALWAYS HAD TROUBLE
MAKING COMMITMENTS IN THE PAST,

AND I THINK IT'S
TIME... JESSE, I...

LOTS OF GUYS COULD SAY THAT,

BUT I REALLY MEAN IT.

HERE'S MY LITTLE BLACK BOOK.

ACTUALLY, THEY
WERE OUT OF BLACK.

I WON'T NEED THESE
PHONE NUMBERS.

I WANT TO BE WITH
YOU EVERY WEEKEND.

SO, GOODBYE, LADIES.

WELL, ACTUALLY,
NOT EVERY WEEKEND.

I HAVE A DATE THIS SATURDAY.

YOU HAVE A DATE.

WE NEVER TALKED ABOUT
NOT SEEING OTHER PEOPLE.

YOU HAVE A DATE?

AAH!

OK.

FINE!

I CAN GET A DATE FOR
SATURDAY NIGHT, TOO.

YEAH.

LET ME SEE. HEY.

OH, BECKY, WHAT AM I DOING?

I DON'T LIKE GAMES.

I WANT TO BE WITH YOU.

I WANT TO BE WITH YOU,

BUT THINGS ARE
MOVING TOO FAST FOR ME.

CAN'T YOU JUST GIVE
ME A LITTLE MORE TIME?

YEAH... I'M NOT
GOING TO BLOW THIS.

I'LL WAIT FOR YOU.

WELL, YOU DON'T
HAVE TO WAIT ALONE.

HMM-HMM-HMM. WHOA.

I THOUGHT WE WERE
TAKING THIS SLOW.

OK. THEN LET'S DO THIS SLOW.

HAVE MERCY.

WE WALK IN, PUT THE
STOLEN SWEATER BACK,

AND WALK OUT.

NOW, JUST ACT CASUAL.

♪ DOO DOO DOO-DE-DOO ♪♪

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

ACTING CASUAL.

JUST ACT REGULAR.

[BUZZ BUZZ]

HOLD IT, YOUNG LADY.

DO YOU HAVE A RECEIPT?

NO, MA'AM, I DON'T
HAVE A RECEIPT.

I'M A SHOPLIFTER.

HA! YOU'RE GOING TO LAUGH

WHEN I EXPLAIN
THIS STORY TO YOU.

MY CUTE LITTLE BABY SISTER...

SEE HOW CUTE?

WELL, SHE THOUGHT
THAT "BUY NOW, PAY LATER"

MEANT YOU COULD COME BACK

AND PAY LATER FOR IT.

LITTLE KIDS.

DO YOU REALIZE SHOPLIFTING
IS A SERIOUS CRIME?

YES. YES.

I'M GOING TO HAVE TO
CALL YOUR PARENTS.

COULD YOU ASK TO SPEAK TO JOEY?

FOLLOW ME.

YOU ALL RIGHT, GIRLS?

YOU OK?

ARE YOU THEIR FATHER?

I AM.

HOW DARE YOU ACCUSE
THESE GIRLS OF SHOPLIFTING?

LITTLE STEPHANIE HERE
WAS HONEYBEE OF THE MONTH.

WHY ARE YOU HARASSING

MY PERFECT LITTLE NIECES?

UNCLE JESSE, I
STOLE THE SWEATER.

NOT EVERYONE'S PERFECT.

SHE STOLE THE SWEATER FOR ME

BECAUSE I RUINED
THE ONE YOU GAVE ME.

EARLIER, DID I THROW
A LITTLE HISSY FIT?

MM-HMM.

THAT IS SO UNLIKE HIM.

DAD, I'M REALLY SORRY.

I'M SORRIER.

I'M JUST IN SHOCK.

I RAISED MY DAUGHTERS

TO KNOW RIGHT FROM WRONG.

MY HAT.

COME, JOEY.

WE'LL BE PAYING
CASH FOR THE HAT.

YOU'RE LUCKY NOBODY'S
PRESSING CHARGES.

YOU'RE NOT KIDDING. THEY
ALMOST SENT ME UP THE STREAM.

THAT'S "UP THE RIVER."

HEY. I'M NEW AT THIS.

I LIKE YOU TRYING
TO HELP EACH OTHER.

BUT WHY DIDN'T YOU
JUST COME TO ME?

BECAUSE I THOUGHT I COULD
HANDLE THINGS MYSELF.

D.J., YOU ALWAYS THINK THAT,

BUT YOU'RE MUCH BETTER
AT GETTING INTO TROUBLE

THAN GETTING OUT OF IT.

CAN I PRACTICE GETTING
OUT WITHOUT GETTING IN?

WELL, NO.

BUT ONCE YOU GET IN,
YOU HAVE TO COME TO ME,

UNCLE JESSE, OR JOEY,
AND WE'LL HELP YOU.

NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS,
WE'RE ON YOUR SIDE.

THANKS, DAD.

I LOVE YOU.

YEAH. THANKS, DADDY.

MAYBE YOU CAN HELP
US FIX D.J.'S SWEATER.

I'LL SURE GIVE IT A TRY.

THIS WAS AN $80 SWEATER...

BUT, WHAT'S REALLY
IMPORTANT HERE

IS THAT WE ALL
LEARNED A GOOD LESSON.

HA HA HA.

$80!

WELL, YOU LITTLE CHICKEN WING,

THANKS FOR TRYING TO HELP ME.

HEY, YOU WERE IN TROUBLE.

SOMEBODY HAD TO DO SOMETHING.

WELL, IF YOU'RE EVER IN TROUBLE,

YOU CAN ALWAYS COUNT ON ME.

THANKS. SISTERS FOREVER?

SISTERS FOREVER.

DOES THIS MEAN I CAN BORROW
YOUR CDS AND CLOTHES ANYTIME?

NOT A CHANCE.

THERE WAS NEVER A
BETTER TIME TO ASK.

OK. ONE THING.

HMM.

CAN I TRY ON THIS?

NO WAY.

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