Full House (1987–1995): Season 1, Episode 9 - The Miracle of Thanksgiving - full transcript
It's a turkey of a day when everyone teams up to prepare the Thanksgiving feast.
CAPTIONING MADE
POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS.
♪ WHATEVER HAPPENED
TO PREDICTABILITY ♪
♪ THE MILKMAN, THE
PAPER BOY, EVENING TV ♪
♪ HOW DID I GET DELIVERED HERE ♪
♪ SOMEBODY TELL ME, PLEASE ♪
♪ THIS OLD WORLD'S
CONFUSING ME ♪
♪ CLOUDS AS MEAN
AS YOU'VE EVER SEEN ♪
♪ THERE AIN'T A BIRD
WHO KNOWS YOUR TUNE ♪
♪ THEN A LITTLE VOICE
INSIDE YOU WHISPERS ♪
♪ KID, DON'T SELL YOUR
DREAMS SO SOON ♪
♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK, ♪
EVERYWHERE YOU ARE ♪
♪ THERE'S A HEART,
THERE'S A HEART ♪
♪ A HAND TO HOLD ON TO ♪
♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪
♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪
♪ THERE'S A FACE ♪
♪ OF SOMEBODY WHO NEEDS YOU ♪
♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪
♪ WHEN YOU'RE LOST OUT THERE ♪
♪ AND YOU'RE ALL ALONE ♪
♪ A LIGHT IS WAITING
TO CARRY YOU HOME ♪
♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪
♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪
♪ DOOBIE DOO RAH DAH BAH ♪
GOBBLE, GOBBLE,
GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE.
GOBBLE, GOBBLE,
GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE.
HAPPY THANKSGIVING, MICHELLE.
TODAY, YOU HAVE AN OPPORTUNITY
THAT ONLY COMES AROUND ONCE
IN YOUR CAREER AS A BABY.
YOU CAN BLOW EVERYONE AWAY
AT THANKSGIVING DINNER
BY UTTERING ONE
SIMPLE WORD... TURKEY.
TURKEY.
TURKEY, TURKEY, TURKEY, TURKEY.
TURKEY, TURKEY, TURKEY.
SORRY. YOU DON'T NEED THIS
KIND OF PRESSURE, DO YOU?
HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
WHY IS THERE A
BUTTERBALL ON MY HEAD?
JESSE, APPARENTLY YOUR HAIR
IS SOME SORT OF BABY MAGNET.
MAN, IT'S 7:00. IT'S A HOLIDAY.
GOOD NIGHT.
JESSE, I AM SORRY, BUT
I'VE GOT A LITTLE PROBLEM
AND I NEED TO SEE YOU AND
JOEY DOWNSTAIRS RIGHT NOW.
ARGH!
COME ON.
I GOTTA GET A LOCK FOR MY DOOR.
AH.
WE'RE COMING TO SOME STAIRS.
I RECOMMEND YOU
OPENING YOUR EYES.
[SNORING]
JOEY, COME ON, WAKE UP, BUDDY.
GOOD MORNING.
HOW ARE YOU GUYS DOING?
BOY, IT'S GREAT TO BE ALIVE!
HAPPY THANKSGIVING, BUDDY.
WHY CAN'T YOU WAKE UP GRUMPY
AND GROUCHY LIKE NORMAL PEOPLE?
BECAUSE IT'S A BEAUTIFUL DAY.
BOYS, BRACE YOURSELVES.
IT'S SNOWING IN TACOMA.
NO!
BOY, IT'S A GOOD THING
I DIDN'T SLEEP
THROUGH THAT NEWS.
YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.
MY MOM LIVES IN TACOMA
AND SHE'S SNOWED IN.
SHE WAS SUPPOSED TO MAKE
OUR THANKSGIVING DINNER FOR US.
IT'S NO PROBLEM.
WE'LL MAKE THAT
7-COURSE MEAL OURSELVES.
HOW, YOU ASK?
THE MIRACLE... [IMITATES
TRUMPET FANFARE]
OF THANKSGIVING.
YOU... [IMITATES
TRUMPET FANFARE]
ARE A MORON.
THERE'S THE MIRACLE
OF CHRISTMAS,
AND THERE'S SMOKEY
ROBINSON AND THE MIRACLES,
THERE'S MIRACLE WHIP...
BUT THERE'S NO MIRACLE
OF THANKSGIVING, HUH?
OH, NO?
SUPPOSE THE PILGRIMS
HAD LANDED IN FLORIDA?
WE'D ALL BE EATING FLAMINGO.
ALL I KNOW IS,
EVERYTHING TODAY HAS
TO BE ABSOLUTELY PERFECT.
WHY?
BECAUSE IT'S THE GIRLS'
FIRST THANKSGIVING
WITHOUT THEIR MOTHER.
OH, THAT'S RIGHT. IT'S
GOT TO BE ROUGH ON THEM.
WE GOTTA MAKE THIS A FUN DAY.
WE GOTTA MAKE IT A
GREAT DAY FOR THESE GIRLS.
AND IT WILL BE. YOU KNOW WHY?
THE MIRACLE... WHY?
[IMITATES TRUMPET FANFARE]
OF THANKSGIVING.
NOW LET'S GET IN THERE AND COOK!
RIGHT. AND RIGHT AFTER
THAT, WE'LL HUNT FOR EGGS
LEFT BY THE THANKSGIVING BUNNY.
OK, EVERYTHING'S ON THE
TABLE AND READY FOR COOKING.
WHAT SHOULD WE MAKE FIRST?
RESERVATIONS.
I KNOW THIS LOOKS
A LITTLE INTIMIDATING,
BUT FAMILIES ALL OVER
THIS GREAT COUNTRY
ARE TURNING THESE
RAW INGREDIENTS
INTO A THANKSGIVING FEAST.
MAYBE WE SHOULD GO HAVE
DINNER WITH ONE OF THEM.
NOBODY PANIC. WE'VE
GOT COOKBOOKS.
IF YOU CAN READ
ENGLISH, YOU CAN COOK.
FOR INSTANCE, "BASIC
BREAD STUFFING.
MELT 1/3 CUP BUTTER
IN A HEAVY SKILLET."
THAT'S EASY. ON
THE STOVE, RIGHT?
NO, NO. WE STICK THE
BUTTER ON A ROCKET SHIP
AND SEND IT TO THE SUN.
ALL RIGHT, GUYS,
STAY WITH ME HERE.
"ADD 1/4 CUP FINELY
MINCED ONION."
UH-OH.
WE'VE GOT 3 DIFFERENT
KINDS OF ONION HERE.
UH-OH.
ARE THERE ANY PICTURES?
WELL, HERE'S ONE
OF BETTY CROCKER,
BUT THEY CUT HER
OFF ABOVE THE ONIONS.
AWW. AWW.
OK. "STIR IN 4 CUPS
BREAD CRUMBS.
"SEE PAGES 35-37.
"2 CUPS CHICKEN
STOCK. SEE PAGES 46-48.
"ONE POUND PORK SAUSAGE.
SEE PAGES 78-81..."
STUFFING IS HIGHLY OVERRATED.
HEY, MISTER, WHAT
HAPPENED TO THE MIRACLE...
DOO DOO DOO-DOO... WITH THE
HORN THING AT THANKSGIVING?
IF WE CAN GET A RESTAURANT
RESERVATION ON THANKSGIVING,
THERE'S YOUR MIRACLE.
Both: HAPPY THANKSGIVING!
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!
LOOK OUT. HERE COMES
BIG BAD BIKOMOLA.
MICHELLE. MICHELLE.
POP A WHEELIE. POP A WHEELIE.
ALL RIGHT!
SEE? TAUGHT HER
EVERYTHING I KNOW.
OHH.
GIRLS, I HAVE A LITTLE BAD NEWS.
IT'S SNOWING UP NORTH
AND GRANDMA CAN'T MAKE IT.
AWW. OH, NO.
BUT DON'T WORRY,
'CAUSE WE'RE GONNA GO
TO THE BEST RESTAURANT IN TOWN
AND HAVE A SUPER GREAT
THANKSGIVING FEAST.
OK, IT'S QUIZ TIME. HOW IS
THANKSGIVING GONNA BE?
SUPER GREAT!
DING DING DING DING
DING! THAT'S CORRECT.
AND NOW D.J. TO TIE... HOW
IS THANKSGIVING GONNA BE?
[IMITATES BUZZER] TIME'S UP.
WHAT DO I WIN?
STEPH, HOW COULD YOU SAY
THAT SOUNDS SUPER GREAT?
I THINK THE IDEA STINKS.
CAN I CHANGE MY VOTE?
D.J., WHAT'S WRONG?
MOM ALWAYS COOKED
US A HOME-COOKED MEAL
FOR THANKSGIVING.
DON'T YOU THINK WE SHOULD
HAVE THANKSGIVING HERE?
YEAH. WE'RE JUST A
LITTLE BIT NERVOUS
ABOUT TURNING ALL THIS
FOOD INTO SOMETHING
THAT CAN STILL BE EATEN.
LAST YEAR, MOM TAUGHT ME
HOW TO MAKE HER
PICTURE-PERFECT PUMPKIN PIE.
SO I CAN MAKE THAT.
AND I CAN HELP.
AND I TALKED TO GRANDMA
LAST NIGHT ON THE PHONE,
AND SHE WAS GOING TO PUT ME IN
CHARGE OF THE TURKEY ANYWAY,
SO I CAN HANDLE THAT, TOO.
IF I HELP.
D.J., YOU'RE RIGHT.
GUYS, WE CAN DO THIS.
I AM GONNA MAKE THAT STUFFING.
ALL RIGHT. AND YOU
KNOW WHAT, FELLAS?
IT JUST SO HAPPENS I CAN DO
AMAZING THINGS WITH A YAM.
AND IN MANY PARTS OF THE WORLD,
I AM KNOWN AS MR. VEGETABLE.
UH-HUH. UH-HUH.
GIVE ME MY KID.
OOH, I'M FEELING THE MIRACLE.
THE MIRACLE... [TRUMPET FANFARE]
OF THANKSGIVING.
CAN YOU FEEL IT?
All: WE FEEL IT!
YES.
ARE YOU READY?
All: WE'RE READY!
NOW LET'S COOK.
[MUSIC PLAYS]
♪ I NEVER MET A GIRL WHO MAKES
ME FEEL THE WAY THAT YOU DO ♪
♪ YOU'RE ALL RIGHT ♪
♪ WHENEVER I'M ASKED WHO
MAKES MY DREAMS REAL ♪
♪ I SAY THAT YOU DO ♪
♪ YOU'RE OUTTA SIGHT ♪
♪ SO FEE FI ♪
♪ FO FUM ♪
♪ LOOK OUT, BABY,
'CAUSE HERE I COME ♪
♪ I'M MAKIN' YOU A
LOVE THAT'S TRUE ♪
♪ SO GET READY ♪
♪ GET READY ♪
♪ I'M GONNA TRY TO
MAKE YOU LOVE ME, TOO ♪
♪ SO GET READY ♪
♪ SO GET READY ♪
♪ 'CAUSE HERE I COME ♪
♪ GET READY 'CAUSE HERE I COME ♪
♪ I'M ON MY WAY ♪
♪ GET READY 'CAUSE HERE I COME ♪
LET'S GO. HERE WE GO.
♪ BA DUM BA DUM BUMP ♪
YEAH!
WE SHOULD HAVE
BEEN THE NEW MONKEES.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
THE MIRACLE...
[TRUMPET FANFARE]
OF THANKSGIVING.
THE LITTLE MIRACLE THAT
MADE IT ALL POSSIBLE, D.J.!
THANK YOU. I COULDN'T HAVE
DONE IT WITHOUT YOU GUYS.
OK, GUYS, GO CARVE THE TURKEY.
LADIES, PLEASE BE SEATED
AT OUR THANKSGIVING TABLE.
MICHELLE, WHAT ARE
THEY GONNA CARVE?
TURKEY.
TURKEY, TURKEY, TURKEY, TURKEY.
THIS IS SO MUCH BETTER
THAN A RESTAURANT.
YEAH. I HATE THOSE
BOOSTER SEATS.
THEY SQUEEZE MY TUSH.
JESS, WE GOT A PROBLEM HERE.
LET ME TRY.
[TAP TAP TAP]
IT'S FROZEN.
I HAD NO IDEA YOU TWO
WERE SO GOOD IN THE KITCHEN.
THE TURKEY, THE PIE.
YOU SHOULD OPEN UP A RESTAURANT
AND JUST SUPPORT
ME THE REST OF MY LIFE.
[WHISPERING]
Frozen. It's frozen.
I'M SO GLAD THIS
WORKED OUT SO PERFECT.
NOW, I WASN'T SURE
IF I COULD PULL IT OFF,
BUT IT TURNED OUT
JUST THE WAY MOM
COOKED IT LAST YEAR.
DO YOU THINK SHE WOULD
HAVE BEEN PROUD OF ME?
I'M SURE SHE WOULD
HAVE BEEN, HONEY.
EXCUSE ME A SECOND.
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
YOU TWO STAY RIGHT HERE.
IS THERE SOMETHING
WRONG WITH MY TURKEY?
UH... NO. NO. THERE'S, UH...
NO TURKEY PROBLEM HERE AT ALL.
THIS IS A VERY HAPPY BIRD.
YEAH. HE'S HAPPIER THAN HECK
TO BE DEAD RIGHT
HERE IN OUR KITCHEN.
IN FACT, I'M JUST GONNA SHOVE
THAT SUCKER BACK IN THE OVEN
FOR JUST A COUPLE MORE MINUTES.
ARE YOU SURE THERE'S
NOTHING'S WRONG WITH MY TURKEY?
OH, OF COURSE, HONEY.
YOU KNOW WHAT WHAT A NUT I
AM ABOUT THAT EXTRA CRISPY SKIN.
WELL, DAD, DON'T OVERCOOK IT.
YOU DON'T WANT IT TO GET DRY.
THERE'S NO DANGER
OF THAT HAPPENING, D.J.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
OH, MY GOSH!
SOMEONE'S AT THE DOOR.
WHO'S GONNA GET IT?
I DON'T KNOW.
LET'S ALL GO GET IT.
LET'S ALL GO GET
IT. COME ON, GIRLS,
LET'S GO SEE WHO CAME TO
VISIT US ON THANKSGIVING DAY.
[DOORBELL RINGS] COMING.
YES, YES, YES.
HI.
HI.
MUST BE YOUR FRIENDS, JESSE.
NO. NOT YET.
COME IN.
HI. I'M PAULA.
AND THIS IS MY SISTER ALEXANDRA.
HI. I'M DANNY TANNER,
AND THESE ARE MY KIDS,
MICHELLE, D.J., AND STEPHANIE.
AND THAT'S JESSE AND JOEY.
Jesse, Joey, D.J.: HI.
HI. WHO ARE YOU?
ISN'T THIS 1882 GIRARD?
GIRARD WAY, AVENUE,
STREET, PLACE, OR LANE?
I'M NOT SURE.
UNCLE HENRY JUST MOVED TO TOWN.
COULD WE USE YOUR PHONE?
WE'RE ALREADY LATE, AND THIS
HOT TURKEY'S GETTING COLD.
HOT TURKEY. SURE. COME ON IN.
THERE'S THE PHONE
RIGHT OVER THERE.
GREAT.
UH... GIRLS, TAKE MICHELLE
AND GO UPSTAIRS
AND WASH YOUR HANDS.
WHY? THEY'RE CLEAN.
YEAH, BUT THEY'RE NOT
THANKSGIVING CLEAN.
GO, GO, GO. GO.
MEN, THIS IS THE
MIRACLE OF THANKSGIVING.
THAT TURKEY WAS MEANT FOR US.
I'VE GOT A FEELING THAT
MAY COME AS A SURPRISE
TO THE YOUNG LADIES.
THERE'S ONLY ONE PERSON
WHO CAN CONVINCE THESE
WOMEN TO STAY FOR DINNER.
I DON'T KNOW, FELLAS. IT'S
GONNA BE A LITTLE ROUGH.
I MEAN, IT WOULD BE
EASIER IF IT WAS LIKE, SAY,
ONE GIRL WITH A CHICKEN
ON GROUNDHOG'S DAY.
JESSE. JUST THINK
OF LITTLE D.J.'s FACE
WHEN SHE GOES INTO THE KITCHEN
AND SEES A TURKEY ICE
SCULPTURE IN THE OVEN.
ALL RIGHT, OK,
I'LL GIVE IT A SHOT.
BUT I'M GONNA NEED A FEW THINGS.
YOU DIM THE LIGHTS.
JOEY, GO GET SOME DRINKS.
I'LL GET US SOME TRADITIONAL
PUMPKIN MARGARITAS.
ALL RIGHT. I'LL SURPRISE YOU.
GET OUT OF HERE.
THANK YOU. I'M REALLY SORRY
IF WE INTERRUPTED YOUR DINNER.
OH, DINNER? WHAT A COINCIDENCE.
I WAS JUST GOING TO
TALK ABOUT DINNER.
SEE, I FIGURED,
WHY SPEND DINNER OVER
AT UNCLE HANK'S HOUSE...
WHICH, BY THE WAY,
YOU CAN'T EVEN FIND...
WHEN FATE HAS KIND OF
DROPPED YOU AND YOUR BIRD,
IF YOU WILL, HERE IN OUR LAPS?
BECAUSE OUR HUSBANDS
WOULDN'T LIKE IT.
OH.
BALL'S IN YOUR COURT.
UH... I'LL GIVE YOU
$100 FOR THAT TURKEY.
EXCUSE ME?
125.
YOU WANT TO BUY OUR TURKEY?
YOU BET. 140.
THIS IS CRAZY.
150.
LET'S TALK.
[WHISTLING]
UH-OH.
OH, NO.
OH.
[BABBLING INCOHERENTLY]
JOEY!
[MUFFLED] JUST A MINUTE.
[GRUNTING]
AAAH!
[SCREAMING]
AAAH!
[CONTINUES SCREAMING]
GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE.
WHAT PLANET HAVE WE LANDED ON?
I'M NOT SURE,
BUT I THINK I HEAR
UNCLE HENRY CALLING.
WAIT. 175. YOU CAN
KEEP THE STUFFING.
200.
BAWK BAWWWK!
WHAT IS IT, LASSIE?
WHAT IS IT, GIRL?
DID GRANDPA FALL
IN THE RIVER AGAIN?
WHAT?
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!
WE CAN'T EVEN SEE. BE CAREFUL.
THE THING'S ON FIRE.
OH, MY GOSH.
I LOVE THAT CRISPY SKIN.
WHAT HAPPENED?
IT'S ALL MY FAULT, HONEY.
YOUR TURKEY WAS A LITTLE FROZEN,
SO I SHOVED IT IN THE OVEN
AND I... I'M AN IDIOT... I
CRANKED IT UP ALL THE WAY.
MY TURKEY WAS FROZEN?
D.J., IT'S ALL MY FAULT.
IT WAS FROZEN.
I DIDN'T DEFROST IT ENOUGH.
DON'T FEEL BAD.
AT LEAST WE STILL
CAN HAVE THE PIE...
PIE.
TELL ME THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN.
THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN.
YES, IT DID.
I RUINED MOM'S
PICTURE-PERFECT PUMPKIN PIE.
AND I RUINED THE TURKEY.
I'M GONNA GO TALK TO D.J.
[MUFFLED] AND I'LL
GO TALK TO STEPHANIE.
WHOA, WHOA, WAIT.
I'LL TALK TO STEPHANIE.
HERE, YOU TAKE MICHELLE.
OK. OH, BY THE WAY,
YOU GOT A BOTTLE
STUCK ON YOUR TONGUE.
[MUFFLED] ANOTHER MIRACLE...
[TRUMPET FANFARE]
OF THANKSGIVING!
TURKEY!
DAD, YOU DON'T HAVE TO TELL ME.
I KNOW I RUINED
THANKSGIVING FOR EVERYONE.
YOU DIDN'T RUIN ANYTHING.
I LET MOM DOWN.
WHY? BECAUSE OF THE TURKEY?
D.J., MOM KNEW THANKSGIVING
WASN'T ABOUT TURKEYS.
IT'S ABOUT FAMILY
AND ABOUT BEING
THANKFUL FOR WHAT WE HAVE.
I'M THANKFUL I'VE GOT YOU.
YOU'RE THE ONE WHO PULLED
US ALL TOGETHER TONIGHT.
YOU'RE JUST TRYING TO
MAKE ME FEEL BETTER.
IS IT WORKING?
NO.
YOU THINK YOU FEEL BAD.
I FEEL WORSE.
YOU COULDN'T.
OH, YEAH? WAIT TILL I TELL YOU
WHAT'S BEEN GOING ON.
I FELT SO BAD ABOUT
YOUR FROZEN TURKEY
THAT I OFFERED THOSE
LADIES $200 FOR THEIRS.
DAD, THAT'S CRAZY.
YOU SHOULD'VE JUST
TOLD ME THE TRUTH
AND GIVEN ME THE $200.
AND THAT WOULD'VE
MADE ME FEEL BETTER.
THANKS FOR MAKING
ME FEEL BETTER.
YOU'RE WELCOME.
SOMETIMES YOU REMIND
ME SO MUCH OF YOUR MOM.
YOU ALWAYS HAVE A SMILE
FOR ME WHEN I NEED ONE.
YEAH, WELL, LIKE MOM SAID,
SMILES ARE FREE,
SO GIVE THEM AWAY.
UNCLE JESSE, ARE YOU STILL HERE?
NO, I LEFT. YOU CAN COME
OUT OF THE CLOSET NOW.
NICE TRY.
ALL RIGHT, THAT'S IT.
I'M COMING IN THERE
WITH YOU. LOOK OUT.
WHOA!
AHH.
HI... I BROKE THE PIE.
THAT'S ALL RIGHT. PEOPLE
BREAK THINGS ALL THE TIME.
IT'S OK. NO BIG DEAL.
EVERYBODY MAKES MISTAKES.
NOT PIE MISTAKES.
EVEN PIE MISTAKES.
YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M GONNA
SHOW YOU A MISTAKE I MADE
WHEN I WAS YOUR
AGE. HOP ON MY BACK.
COME ON, I'LL GIVE YOU A
PIGGYBACK RIDE. HOP ON.
THERE WE GO.
IT'S KIND OF FUN HANGING
OUT IN THE CLOSET.
YOU DON'T GET OUT MUCH, DO YOU?
ALL RIGHT, COME HERE.
NOW, YOU SETTLE DOWN HERE
AND BE PREPARED TO BE
AMAZED AT MY STUPIDITY.
HERE, COME ON, SIT ON MY LAP.
ALL RIGHT. OK.
TAKE A LOOK AT THAT.
WHO'S THAT GOOFY-LOOKING GUY
WITH SILLY HAIR AND BIG EARS?
I DON'T HAVE BIG EARS.
THEY'RE FINE NOW THAT
YOUR HEAD'S BIGGER.
WHY IS YOUR HAIR SO LOPSIDED?
THAT'S THE THING, SEE?
WHEN I WAS 5 AND
YOUR MOM WAS 10,
I LET HER CUT MY HAIR BECAUSE
SHE SAID SHE WAS IN BEAUTY SCHOOL.
AND YOU BELIEVED HER?
WELL, I SAID I WAS 5.
I'M 5 AND I WOULDN'T
FALL FOR THAT.
WELL, MAYBE YOU'RE JUST
A LITTLE SMARTER THAN I AM.
YOU A LITTLE SMARTER, HUH?
LOOK AT THIS ONE.
OH, YEAH.
HEY.
WHO'S THAT LITTLE GIRL WITH YOU?
THAT'S YOUR MOMMY.
SHE'S PRETTY, ISN'T SHE?
YEAH... WHAT'S SHE HOLDING?
WELL, IN ONE HAND SHE'S
HOLDING HER SCISSORS,
AND IN THE OTHER HAND
ABOUT 95% OF MY HAIR.
OH, YEAH, THAT'S
FOR HALLOWEEN, HUH?
HOW YOU GUYS DOING?
WE'RE COOL.
WE'RE FINE.
LET'S GO HAVE SOME BLACK TURKEY
AND SOME PIE A LA FLOOR.
OK, BUT CAN WE MAKE A NEW PIE?
SURE, STEPH.
I PROMISE NOT TO DROP IT.
AND I PROMISE NOT TO FREEZE IT.
OK, LET'S GO.
OK. COME ON, LET'S GO EAT.
I'M HUNGRY.
YOU MISSED A GREAT
THANKSGIVING, SIS.
YOU COMING?
YEAH. YEAH, LET'S GO.
WAIT, LOOK AT THIS.
I FORGOT HOW MUCH THE GIRLS LOOK
LIKE PAM WHEN SHE WAS THEIR AGE.
YEAH, RIGHT. COME ON, LET'S GO.
WAIT A SECOND. YOU WANT TO TALK?
NO. WHY WOULD I WANT
TO TALK? COME ON, LET'S GO.
JESSE, IT'S OK IF
YOU'RE HURTING.
I'M NOT HURTING, I'M HUNGRY.
I WANT TO GO EAT.
LET'S GO, PLEASE.
YOU KNOW, I HADN'T
THOUGHT ABOUT THIS,
BUT THIS MUST BE
REAL HARD ON YOU.
YOU SPENT MORE THANKSGIVINGS
WITH PAM THAN ANY OF US.
HEY, WHAT DOES IT TAKE
TO GET THROUGH TO YOU?
I DON'T WANT TO HAVE
THIS CONVERSATION, OK?
SO LEAVE ME ALONE.
OK. FINE.
I'LL BE JUST MOSEYING ALONG.
BUT IF YOU WANT TO TALK,
YOU KNOW MY HOME NUMBER.
WHEN IS IT GOING TO
STOP HURTING, MAN?
I KEEP THINKING THE
PAIN'S GONNA GO AWAY,
BUT IT DOESN'T.
I SEE PICTURES OF
HER, I THINK OF HER...
I GET THIS FEELING. THIS EMPT...
I KNOW THAT FEELING, JESSE.
AND I DON'T THINK IT EVER
COMPLETELY GOES AWAY.
SOMETIMES IT'S EASIER,
BUT ON DAYS LIKE
THIS, IT'S REAL HARD.
BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO
GO THROUGH THIS ALONE.
I'M MISSING HER, MAN.
IT'S... IT'S HARD FOR
ME TO TALK ABOUT IT.
TALKING ABOUT IT,
THAT'S WHAT HELPS ME.
TALKING ABOUT THE MEMORIES.
THAT'S WHAT KEEPS
HER IN YOUR HEART.
YEAH?
YEAH.
YOU KNOW, EVERYBODY
KNOWS THE STORY
ABOUT HOW I GOT MY HAIR ALL
CHOPPED UP AND EVERYTHING,
BUT YOU DON'T KNOW
HOW I RETALIATED.
LOOK AT THIS.
DID YOU EVER SEE YOUR WIFE
WITH RED, WHITE, AND BLUE HAIR?
I THINK SHE LOOKS CUTE.
HOW'D YOU DO THIS?
WELL, PICTURE THIS, MAN.
IT WAS THE MIDDLE
OF THE NIGHT...
2 THINGS OF FINGER-PAINTS
AND VANILLA PUDDING.
I WAS A WICKED LITTLE
5-YEAR-OLD, WASN'T I?
I'M GLAD YOU'RE HERE, JESSE.
LORD, AS WE GATHER
THIS THANKSGIVING,
WE WANT TO THANK
YOU FOR THIS BOUNTIFUL,
YET SLIGHTLY OVERCOOKED,
REHEATED MEAL.
All: AMEN!
BUT WHAT WE'RE MOST THANKFUL FOR
IS BEING A FAMILY
WHO REALLY LOVES EACH OTHER.
All: AMEN!
AND GOD BLESS MY MOM AND DAD
WHO ARE IN ORANGE COUNTY
WITH ALL MY DAD'S GOOFY RELATIVES.
All: AMEN!
AND I'D JUST LIKE TO SAY
THAT I'M JUST HAPPY TO
BE PART OF THIS FAMILY,
AND GOD BLESS MY
DAD AND HIS THIRD WIFE...
JANICE...
AND TO MY MOM WHO'S ON A
THANKSGIVING GAMBLING JUNKET
TO ATLANTIC CITY.
7 COME 11, MOM.
All: AMEN!
CARVE THE TURKEY, DAD.
MY PLEASURE.
OK, WHO WANTS WHITE MEAT?
I DO. ME.
I WANT DARK!
SCRATCH THE WHITE MEAT.
WE HAVE DARK MEAT
AND REALLY DARK MEAT.
YEAH. YEAH.
CAPTIONING MADE
POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS.
POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS.
♪ WHATEVER HAPPENED
TO PREDICTABILITY ♪
♪ THE MILKMAN, THE
PAPER BOY, EVENING TV ♪
♪ HOW DID I GET DELIVERED HERE ♪
♪ SOMEBODY TELL ME, PLEASE ♪
♪ THIS OLD WORLD'S
CONFUSING ME ♪
♪ CLOUDS AS MEAN
AS YOU'VE EVER SEEN ♪
♪ THERE AIN'T A BIRD
WHO KNOWS YOUR TUNE ♪
♪ THEN A LITTLE VOICE
INSIDE YOU WHISPERS ♪
♪ KID, DON'T SELL YOUR
DREAMS SO SOON ♪
♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK, ♪
EVERYWHERE YOU ARE ♪
♪ THERE'S A HEART,
THERE'S A HEART ♪
♪ A HAND TO HOLD ON TO ♪
♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪
♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪
♪ THERE'S A FACE ♪
♪ OF SOMEBODY WHO NEEDS YOU ♪
♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪
♪ WHEN YOU'RE LOST OUT THERE ♪
♪ AND YOU'RE ALL ALONE ♪
♪ A LIGHT IS WAITING
TO CARRY YOU HOME ♪
♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪
♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪
♪ DOOBIE DOO RAH DAH BAH ♪
GOBBLE, GOBBLE,
GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE.
GOBBLE, GOBBLE,
GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE.
HAPPY THANKSGIVING, MICHELLE.
TODAY, YOU HAVE AN OPPORTUNITY
THAT ONLY COMES AROUND ONCE
IN YOUR CAREER AS A BABY.
YOU CAN BLOW EVERYONE AWAY
AT THANKSGIVING DINNER
BY UTTERING ONE
SIMPLE WORD... TURKEY.
TURKEY.
TURKEY, TURKEY, TURKEY, TURKEY.
TURKEY, TURKEY, TURKEY.
SORRY. YOU DON'T NEED THIS
KIND OF PRESSURE, DO YOU?
HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
WHY IS THERE A
BUTTERBALL ON MY HEAD?
JESSE, APPARENTLY YOUR HAIR
IS SOME SORT OF BABY MAGNET.
MAN, IT'S 7:00. IT'S A HOLIDAY.
GOOD NIGHT.
JESSE, I AM SORRY, BUT
I'VE GOT A LITTLE PROBLEM
AND I NEED TO SEE YOU AND
JOEY DOWNSTAIRS RIGHT NOW.
ARGH!
COME ON.
I GOTTA GET A LOCK FOR MY DOOR.
AH.
WE'RE COMING TO SOME STAIRS.
I RECOMMEND YOU
OPENING YOUR EYES.
[SNORING]
JOEY, COME ON, WAKE UP, BUDDY.
GOOD MORNING.
HOW ARE YOU GUYS DOING?
BOY, IT'S GREAT TO BE ALIVE!
HAPPY THANKSGIVING, BUDDY.
WHY CAN'T YOU WAKE UP GRUMPY
AND GROUCHY LIKE NORMAL PEOPLE?
BECAUSE IT'S A BEAUTIFUL DAY.
BOYS, BRACE YOURSELVES.
IT'S SNOWING IN TACOMA.
NO!
BOY, IT'S A GOOD THING
I DIDN'T SLEEP
THROUGH THAT NEWS.
YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.
MY MOM LIVES IN TACOMA
AND SHE'S SNOWED IN.
SHE WAS SUPPOSED TO MAKE
OUR THANKSGIVING DINNER FOR US.
IT'S NO PROBLEM.
WE'LL MAKE THAT
7-COURSE MEAL OURSELVES.
HOW, YOU ASK?
THE MIRACLE... [IMITATES
TRUMPET FANFARE]
OF THANKSGIVING.
YOU... [IMITATES
TRUMPET FANFARE]
ARE A MORON.
THERE'S THE MIRACLE
OF CHRISTMAS,
AND THERE'S SMOKEY
ROBINSON AND THE MIRACLES,
THERE'S MIRACLE WHIP...
BUT THERE'S NO MIRACLE
OF THANKSGIVING, HUH?
OH, NO?
SUPPOSE THE PILGRIMS
HAD LANDED IN FLORIDA?
WE'D ALL BE EATING FLAMINGO.
ALL I KNOW IS,
EVERYTHING TODAY HAS
TO BE ABSOLUTELY PERFECT.
WHY?
BECAUSE IT'S THE GIRLS'
FIRST THANKSGIVING
WITHOUT THEIR MOTHER.
OH, THAT'S RIGHT. IT'S
GOT TO BE ROUGH ON THEM.
WE GOTTA MAKE THIS A FUN DAY.
WE GOTTA MAKE IT A
GREAT DAY FOR THESE GIRLS.
AND IT WILL BE. YOU KNOW WHY?
THE MIRACLE... WHY?
[IMITATES TRUMPET FANFARE]
OF THANKSGIVING.
NOW LET'S GET IN THERE AND COOK!
RIGHT. AND RIGHT AFTER
THAT, WE'LL HUNT FOR EGGS
LEFT BY THE THANKSGIVING BUNNY.
OK, EVERYTHING'S ON THE
TABLE AND READY FOR COOKING.
WHAT SHOULD WE MAKE FIRST?
RESERVATIONS.
I KNOW THIS LOOKS
A LITTLE INTIMIDATING,
BUT FAMILIES ALL OVER
THIS GREAT COUNTRY
ARE TURNING THESE
RAW INGREDIENTS
INTO A THANKSGIVING FEAST.
MAYBE WE SHOULD GO HAVE
DINNER WITH ONE OF THEM.
NOBODY PANIC. WE'VE
GOT COOKBOOKS.
IF YOU CAN READ
ENGLISH, YOU CAN COOK.
FOR INSTANCE, "BASIC
BREAD STUFFING.
MELT 1/3 CUP BUTTER
IN A HEAVY SKILLET."
THAT'S EASY. ON
THE STOVE, RIGHT?
NO, NO. WE STICK THE
BUTTER ON A ROCKET SHIP
AND SEND IT TO THE SUN.
ALL RIGHT, GUYS,
STAY WITH ME HERE.
"ADD 1/4 CUP FINELY
MINCED ONION."
UH-OH.
WE'VE GOT 3 DIFFERENT
KINDS OF ONION HERE.
UH-OH.
ARE THERE ANY PICTURES?
WELL, HERE'S ONE
OF BETTY CROCKER,
BUT THEY CUT HER
OFF ABOVE THE ONIONS.
AWW. AWW.
OK. "STIR IN 4 CUPS
BREAD CRUMBS.
"SEE PAGES 35-37.
"2 CUPS CHICKEN
STOCK. SEE PAGES 46-48.
"ONE POUND PORK SAUSAGE.
SEE PAGES 78-81..."
STUFFING IS HIGHLY OVERRATED.
HEY, MISTER, WHAT
HAPPENED TO THE MIRACLE...
DOO DOO DOO-DOO... WITH THE
HORN THING AT THANKSGIVING?
IF WE CAN GET A RESTAURANT
RESERVATION ON THANKSGIVING,
THERE'S YOUR MIRACLE.
Both: HAPPY THANKSGIVING!
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!
LOOK OUT. HERE COMES
BIG BAD BIKOMOLA.
MICHELLE. MICHELLE.
POP A WHEELIE. POP A WHEELIE.
ALL RIGHT!
SEE? TAUGHT HER
EVERYTHING I KNOW.
OHH.
GIRLS, I HAVE A LITTLE BAD NEWS.
IT'S SNOWING UP NORTH
AND GRANDMA CAN'T MAKE IT.
AWW. OH, NO.
BUT DON'T WORRY,
'CAUSE WE'RE GONNA GO
TO THE BEST RESTAURANT IN TOWN
AND HAVE A SUPER GREAT
THANKSGIVING FEAST.
OK, IT'S QUIZ TIME. HOW IS
THANKSGIVING GONNA BE?
SUPER GREAT!
DING DING DING DING
DING! THAT'S CORRECT.
AND NOW D.J. TO TIE... HOW
IS THANKSGIVING GONNA BE?
[IMITATES BUZZER] TIME'S UP.
WHAT DO I WIN?
STEPH, HOW COULD YOU SAY
THAT SOUNDS SUPER GREAT?
I THINK THE IDEA STINKS.
CAN I CHANGE MY VOTE?
D.J., WHAT'S WRONG?
MOM ALWAYS COOKED
US A HOME-COOKED MEAL
FOR THANKSGIVING.
DON'T YOU THINK WE SHOULD
HAVE THANKSGIVING HERE?
YEAH. WE'RE JUST A
LITTLE BIT NERVOUS
ABOUT TURNING ALL THIS
FOOD INTO SOMETHING
THAT CAN STILL BE EATEN.
LAST YEAR, MOM TAUGHT ME
HOW TO MAKE HER
PICTURE-PERFECT PUMPKIN PIE.
SO I CAN MAKE THAT.
AND I CAN HELP.
AND I TALKED TO GRANDMA
LAST NIGHT ON THE PHONE,
AND SHE WAS GOING TO PUT ME IN
CHARGE OF THE TURKEY ANYWAY,
SO I CAN HANDLE THAT, TOO.
IF I HELP.
D.J., YOU'RE RIGHT.
GUYS, WE CAN DO THIS.
I AM GONNA MAKE THAT STUFFING.
ALL RIGHT. AND YOU
KNOW WHAT, FELLAS?
IT JUST SO HAPPENS I CAN DO
AMAZING THINGS WITH A YAM.
AND IN MANY PARTS OF THE WORLD,
I AM KNOWN AS MR. VEGETABLE.
UH-HUH. UH-HUH.
GIVE ME MY KID.
OOH, I'M FEELING THE MIRACLE.
THE MIRACLE... [TRUMPET FANFARE]
OF THANKSGIVING.
CAN YOU FEEL IT?
All: WE FEEL IT!
YES.
ARE YOU READY?
All: WE'RE READY!
NOW LET'S COOK.
[MUSIC PLAYS]
♪ I NEVER MET A GIRL WHO MAKES
ME FEEL THE WAY THAT YOU DO ♪
♪ YOU'RE ALL RIGHT ♪
♪ WHENEVER I'M ASKED WHO
MAKES MY DREAMS REAL ♪
♪ I SAY THAT YOU DO ♪
♪ YOU'RE OUTTA SIGHT ♪
♪ SO FEE FI ♪
♪ FO FUM ♪
♪ LOOK OUT, BABY,
'CAUSE HERE I COME ♪
♪ I'M MAKIN' YOU A
LOVE THAT'S TRUE ♪
♪ SO GET READY ♪
♪ GET READY ♪
♪ I'M GONNA TRY TO
MAKE YOU LOVE ME, TOO ♪
♪ SO GET READY ♪
♪ SO GET READY ♪
♪ 'CAUSE HERE I COME ♪
♪ GET READY 'CAUSE HERE I COME ♪
♪ I'M ON MY WAY ♪
♪ GET READY 'CAUSE HERE I COME ♪
LET'S GO. HERE WE GO.
♪ BA DUM BA DUM BUMP ♪
YEAH!
WE SHOULD HAVE
BEEN THE NEW MONKEES.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
THE MIRACLE...
[TRUMPET FANFARE]
OF THANKSGIVING.
THE LITTLE MIRACLE THAT
MADE IT ALL POSSIBLE, D.J.!
THANK YOU. I COULDN'T HAVE
DONE IT WITHOUT YOU GUYS.
OK, GUYS, GO CARVE THE TURKEY.
LADIES, PLEASE BE SEATED
AT OUR THANKSGIVING TABLE.
MICHELLE, WHAT ARE
THEY GONNA CARVE?
TURKEY.
TURKEY, TURKEY, TURKEY, TURKEY.
THIS IS SO MUCH BETTER
THAN A RESTAURANT.
YEAH. I HATE THOSE
BOOSTER SEATS.
THEY SQUEEZE MY TUSH.
JESS, WE GOT A PROBLEM HERE.
LET ME TRY.
[TAP TAP TAP]
IT'S FROZEN.
I HAD NO IDEA YOU TWO
WERE SO GOOD IN THE KITCHEN.
THE TURKEY, THE PIE.
YOU SHOULD OPEN UP A RESTAURANT
AND JUST SUPPORT
ME THE REST OF MY LIFE.
[WHISPERING]
Frozen. It's frozen.
I'M SO GLAD THIS
WORKED OUT SO PERFECT.
NOW, I WASN'T SURE
IF I COULD PULL IT OFF,
BUT IT TURNED OUT
JUST THE WAY MOM
COOKED IT LAST YEAR.
DO YOU THINK SHE WOULD
HAVE BEEN PROUD OF ME?
I'M SURE SHE WOULD
HAVE BEEN, HONEY.
EXCUSE ME A SECOND.
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
YOU TWO STAY RIGHT HERE.
IS THERE SOMETHING
WRONG WITH MY TURKEY?
UH... NO. NO. THERE'S, UH...
NO TURKEY PROBLEM HERE AT ALL.
THIS IS A VERY HAPPY BIRD.
YEAH. HE'S HAPPIER THAN HECK
TO BE DEAD RIGHT
HERE IN OUR KITCHEN.
IN FACT, I'M JUST GONNA SHOVE
THAT SUCKER BACK IN THE OVEN
FOR JUST A COUPLE MORE MINUTES.
ARE YOU SURE THERE'S
NOTHING'S WRONG WITH MY TURKEY?
OH, OF COURSE, HONEY.
YOU KNOW WHAT WHAT A NUT I
AM ABOUT THAT EXTRA CRISPY SKIN.
WELL, DAD, DON'T OVERCOOK IT.
YOU DON'T WANT IT TO GET DRY.
THERE'S NO DANGER
OF THAT HAPPENING, D.J.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
OH, MY GOSH!
SOMEONE'S AT THE DOOR.
WHO'S GONNA GET IT?
I DON'T KNOW.
LET'S ALL GO GET IT.
LET'S ALL GO GET
IT. COME ON, GIRLS,
LET'S GO SEE WHO CAME TO
VISIT US ON THANKSGIVING DAY.
[DOORBELL RINGS] COMING.
YES, YES, YES.
HI.
HI.
MUST BE YOUR FRIENDS, JESSE.
NO. NOT YET.
COME IN.
HI. I'M PAULA.
AND THIS IS MY SISTER ALEXANDRA.
HI. I'M DANNY TANNER,
AND THESE ARE MY KIDS,
MICHELLE, D.J., AND STEPHANIE.
AND THAT'S JESSE AND JOEY.
Jesse, Joey, D.J.: HI.
HI. WHO ARE YOU?
ISN'T THIS 1882 GIRARD?
GIRARD WAY, AVENUE,
STREET, PLACE, OR LANE?
I'M NOT SURE.
UNCLE HENRY JUST MOVED TO TOWN.
COULD WE USE YOUR PHONE?
WE'RE ALREADY LATE, AND THIS
HOT TURKEY'S GETTING COLD.
HOT TURKEY. SURE. COME ON IN.
THERE'S THE PHONE
RIGHT OVER THERE.
GREAT.
UH... GIRLS, TAKE MICHELLE
AND GO UPSTAIRS
AND WASH YOUR HANDS.
WHY? THEY'RE CLEAN.
YEAH, BUT THEY'RE NOT
THANKSGIVING CLEAN.
GO, GO, GO. GO.
MEN, THIS IS THE
MIRACLE OF THANKSGIVING.
THAT TURKEY WAS MEANT FOR US.
I'VE GOT A FEELING THAT
MAY COME AS A SURPRISE
TO THE YOUNG LADIES.
THERE'S ONLY ONE PERSON
WHO CAN CONVINCE THESE
WOMEN TO STAY FOR DINNER.
I DON'T KNOW, FELLAS. IT'S
GONNA BE A LITTLE ROUGH.
I MEAN, IT WOULD BE
EASIER IF IT WAS LIKE, SAY,
ONE GIRL WITH A CHICKEN
ON GROUNDHOG'S DAY.
JESSE. JUST THINK
OF LITTLE D.J.'s FACE
WHEN SHE GOES INTO THE KITCHEN
AND SEES A TURKEY ICE
SCULPTURE IN THE OVEN.
ALL RIGHT, OK,
I'LL GIVE IT A SHOT.
BUT I'M GONNA NEED A FEW THINGS.
YOU DIM THE LIGHTS.
JOEY, GO GET SOME DRINKS.
I'LL GET US SOME TRADITIONAL
PUMPKIN MARGARITAS.
ALL RIGHT. I'LL SURPRISE YOU.
GET OUT OF HERE.
THANK YOU. I'M REALLY SORRY
IF WE INTERRUPTED YOUR DINNER.
OH, DINNER? WHAT A COINCIDENCE.
I WAS JUST GOING TO
TALK ABOUT DINNER.
SEE, I FIGURED,
WHY SPEND DINNER OVER
AT UNCLE HANK'S HOUSE...
WHICH, BY THE WAY,
YOU CAN'T EVEN FIND...
WHEN FATE HAS KIND OF
DROPPED YOU AND YOUR BIRD,
IF YOU WILL, HERE IN OUR LAPS?
BECAUSE OUR HUSBANDS
WOULDN'T LIKE IT.
OH.
BALL'S IN YOUR COURT.
UH... I'LL GIVE YOU
$100 FOR THAT TURKEY.
EXCUSE ME?
125.
YOU WANT TO BUY OUR TURKEY?
YOU BET. 140.
THIS IS CRAZY.
150.
LET'S TALK.
[WHISTLING]
UH-OH.
OH, NO.
OH.
[BABBLING INCOHERENTLY]
JOEY!
[MUFFLED] JUST A MINUTE.
[GRUNTING]
AAAH!
[SCREAMING]
AAAH!
[CONTINUES SCREAMING]
GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE.
WHAT PLANET HAVE WE LANDED ON?
I'M NOT SURE,
BUT I THINK I HEAR
UNCLE HENRY CALLING.
WAIT. 175. YOU CAN
KEEP THE STUFFING.
200.
BAWK BAWWWK!
WHAT IS IT, LASSIE?
WHAT IS IT, GIRL?
DID GRANDPA FALL
IN THE RIVER AGAIN?
WHAT?
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!
WE CAN'T EVEN SEE. BE CAREFUL.
THE THING'S ON FIRE.
OH, MY GOSH.
I LOVE THAT CRISPY SKIN.
WHAT HAPPENED?
IT'S ALL MY FAULT, HONEY.
YOUR TURKEY WAS A LITTLE FROZEN,
SO I SHOVED IT IN THE OVEN
AND I... I'M AN IDIOT... I
CRANKED IT UP ALL THE WAY.
MY TURKEY WAS FROZEN?
D.J., IT'S ALL MY FAULT.
IT WAS FROZEN.
I DIDN'T DEFROST IT ENOUGH.
DON'T FEEL BAD.
AT LEAST WE STILL
CAN HAVE THE PIE...
PIE.
TELL ME THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN.
THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN.
YES, IT DID.
I RUINED MOM'S
PICTURE-PERFECT PUMPKIN PIE.
AND I RUINED THE TURKEY.
I'M GONNA GO TALK TO D.J.
[MUFFLED] AND I'LL
GO TALK TO STEPHANIE.
WHOA, WHOA, WAIT.
I'LL TALK TO STEPHANIE.
HERE, YOU TAKE MICHELLE.
OK. OH, BY THE WAY,
YOU GOT A BOTTLE
STUCK ON YOUR TONGUE.
[MUFFLED] ANOTHER MIRACLE...
[TRUMPET FANFARE]
OF THANKSGIVING!
TURKEY!
DAD, YOU DON'T HAVE TO TELL ME.
I KNOW I RUINED
THANKSGIVING FOR EVERYONE.
YOU DIDN'T RUIN ANYTHING.
I LET MOM DOWN.
WHY? BECAUSE OF THE TURKEY?
D.J., MOM KNEW THANKSGIVING
WASN'T ABOUT TURKEYS.
IT'S ABOUT FAMILY
AND ABOUT BEING
THANKFUL FOR WHAT WE HAVE.
I'M THANKFUL I'VE GOT YOU.
YOU'RE THE ONE WHO PULLED
US ALL TOGETHER TONIGHT.
YOU'RE JUST TRYING TO
MAKE ME FEEL BETTER.
IS IT WORKING?
NO.
YOU THINK YOU FEEL BAD.
I FEEL WORSE.
YOU COULDN'T.
OH, YEAH? WAIT TILL I TELL YOU
WHAT'S BEEN GOING ON.
I FELT SO BAD ABOUT
YOUR FROZEN TURKEY
THAT I OFFERED THOSE
LADIES $200 FOR THEIRS.
DAD, THAT'S CRAZY.
YOU SHOULD'VE JUST
TOLD ME THE TRUTH
AND GIVEN ME THE $200.
AND THAT WOULD'VE
MADE ME FEEL BETTER.
THANKS FOR MAKING
ME FEEL BETTER.
YOU'RE WELCOME.
SOMETIMES YOU REMIND
ME SO MUCH OF YOUR MOM.
YOU ALWAYS HAVE A SMILE
FOR ME WHEN I NEED ONE.
YEAH, WELL, LIKE MOM SAID,
SMILES ARE FREE,
SO GIVE THEM AWAY.
UNCLE JESSE, ARE YOU STILL HERE?
NO, I LEFT. YOU CAN COME
OUT OF THE CLOSET NOW.
NICE TRY.
ALL RIGHT, THAT'S IT.
I'M COMING IN THERE
WITH YOU. LOOK OUT.
WHOA!
AHH.
HI... I BROKE THE PIE.
THAT'S ALL RIGHT. PEOPLE
BREAK THINGS ALL THE TIME.
IT'S OK. NO BIG DEAL.
EVERYBODY MAKES MISTAKES.
NOT PIE MISTAKES.
EVEN PIE MISTAKES.
YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M GONNA
SHOW YOU A MISTAKE I MADE
WHEN I WAS YOUR
AGE. HOP ON MY BACK.
COME ON, I'LL GIVE YOU A
PIGGYBACK RIDE. HOP ON.
THERE WE GO.
IT'S KIND OF FUN HANGING
OUT IN THE CLOSET.
YOU DON'T GET OUT MUCH, DO YOU?
ALL RIGHT, COME HERE.
NOW, YOU SETTLE DOWN HERE
AND BE PREPARED TO BE
AMAZED AT MY STUPIDITY.
HERE, COME ON, SIT ON MY LAP.
ALL RIGHT. OK.
TAKE A LOOK AT THAT.
WHO'S THAT GOOFY-LOOKING GUY
WITH SILLY HAIR AND BIG EARS?
I DON'T HAVE BIG EARS.
THEY'RE FINE NOW THAT
YOUR HEAD'S BIGGER.
WHY IS YOUR HAIR SO LOPSIDED?
THAT'S THE THING, SEE?
WHEN I WAS 5 AND
YOUR MOM WAS 10,
I LET HER CUT MY HAIR BECAUSE
SHE SAID SHE WAS IN BEAUTY SCHOOL.
AND YOU BELIEVED HER?
WELL, I SAID I WAS 5.
I'M 5 AND I WOULDN'T
FALL FOR THAT.
WELL, MAYBE YOU'RE JUST
A LITTLE SMARTER THAN I AM.
YOU A LITTLE SMARTER, HUH?
LOOK AT THIS ONE.
OH, YEAH.
HEY.
WHO'S THAT LITTLE GIRL WITH YOU?
THAT'S YOUR MOMMY.
SHE'S PRETTY, ISN'T SHE?
YEAH... WHAT'S SHE HOLDING?
WELL, IN ONE HAND SHE'S
HOLDING HER SCISSORS,
AND IN THE OTHER HAND
ABOUT 95% OF MY HAIR.
OH, YEAH, THAT'S
FOR HALLOWEEN, HUH?
HOW YOU GUYS DOING?
WE'RE COOL.
WE'RE FINE.
LET'S GO HAVE SOME BLACK TURKEY
AND SOME PIE A LA FLOOR.
OK, BUT CAN WE MAKE A NEW PIE?
SURE, STEPH.
I PROMISE NOT TO DROP IT.
AND I PROMISE NOT TO FREEZE IT.
OK, LET'S GO.
OK. COME ON, LET'S GO EAT.
I'M HUNGRY.
YOU MISSED A GREAT
THANKSGIVING, SIS.
YOU COMING?
YEAH. YEAH, LET'S GO.
WAIT, LOOK AT THIS.
I FORGOT HOW MUCH THE GIRLS LOOK
LIKE PAM WHEN SHE WAS THEIR AGE.
YEAH, RIGHT. COME ON, LET'S GO.
WAIT A SECOND. YOU WANT TO TALK?
NO. WHY WOULD I WANT
TO TALK? COME ON, LET'S GO.
JESSE, IT'S OK IF
YOU'RE HURTING.
I'M NOT HURTING, I'M HUNGRY.
I WANT TO GO EAT.
LET'S GO, PLEASE.
YOU KNOW, I HADN'T
THOUGHT ABOUT THIS,
BUT THIS MUST BE
REAL HARD ON YOU.
YOU SPENT MORE THANKSGIVINGS
WITH PAM THAN ANY OF US.
HEY, WHAT DOES IT TAKE
TO GET THROUGH TO YOU?
I DON'T WANT TO HAVE
THIS CONVERSATION, OK?
SO LEAVE ME ALONE.
OK. FINE.
I'LL BE JUST MOSEYING ALONG.
BUT IF YOU WANT TO TALK,
YOU KNOW MY HOME NUMBER.
WHEN IS IT GOING TO
STOP HURTING, MAN?
I KEEP THINKING THE
PAIN'S GONNA GO AWAY,
BUT IT DOESN'T.
I SEE PICTURES OF
HER, I THINK OF HER...
I GET THIS FEELING. THIS EMPT...
I KNOW THAT FEELING, JESSE.
AND I DON'T THINK IT EVER
COMPLETELY GOES AWAY.
SOMETIMES IT'S EASIER,
BUT ON DAYS LIKE
THIS, IT'S REAL HARD.
BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO
GO THROUGH THIS ALONE.
I'M MISSING HER, MAN.
IT'S... IT'S HARD FOR
ME TO TALK ABOUT IT.
TALKING ABOUT IT,
THAT'S WHAT HELPS ME.
TALKING ABOUT THE MEMORIES.
THAT'S WHAT KEEPS
HER IN YOUR HEART.
YEAH?
YEAH.
YOU KNOW, EVERYBODY
KNOWS THE STORY
ABOUT HOW I GOT MY HAIR ALL
CHOPPED UP AND EVERYTHING,
BUT YOU DON'T KNOW
HOW I RETALIATED.
LOOK AT THIS.
DID YOU EVER SEE YOUR WIFE
WITH RED, WHITE, AND BLUE HAIR?
I THINK SHE LOOKS CUTE.
HOW'D YOU DO THIS?
WELL, PICTURE THIS, MAN.
IT WAS THE MIDDLE
OF THE NIGHT...
2 THINGS OF FINGER-PAINTS
AND VANILLA PUDDING.
I WAS A WICKED LITTLE
5-YEAR-OLD, WASN'T I?
I'M GLAD YOU'RE HERE, JESSE.
LORD, AS WE GATHER
THIS THANKSGIVING,
WE WANT TO THANK
YOU FOR THIS BOUNTIFUL,
YET SLIGHTLY OVERCOOKED,
REHEATED MEAL.
All: AMEN!
BUT WHAT WE'RE MOST THANKFUL FOR
IS BEING A FAMILY
WHO REALLY LOVES EACH OTHER.
All: AMEN!
AND GOD BLESS MY MOM AND DAD
WHO ARE IN ORANGE COUNTY
WITH ALL MY DAD'S GOOFY RELATIVES.
All: AMEN!
AND I'D JUST LIKE TO SAY
THAT I'M JUST HAPPY TO
BE PART OF THIS FAMILY,
AND GOD BLESS MY
DAD AND HIS THIRD WIFE...
JANICE...
AND TO MY MOM WHO'S ON A
THANKSGIVING GAMBLING JUNKET
TO ATLANTIC CITY.
7 COME 11, MOM.
All: AMEN!
CARVE THE TURKEY, DAD.
MY PLEASURE.
OK, WHO WANTS WHITE MEAT?
I DO. ME.
I WANT DARK!
SCRATCH THE WHITE MEAT.
WE HAVE DARK MEAT
AND REALLY DARK MEAT.
YEAH. YEAH.
CAPTIONING MADE
POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS.