Full House (1987–1995): Season 1, Episode 7 - Knock Yourself Out - full transcript
Danny's tryout for a career as a boxing announcer isn't exactly a knockout.
CAPTIONING MADE
POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS.
♪ WHATEVER HAPPENED
TO PREDICTABILITY ♪
♪ THE MILKMAN, THE
PAPER BOY, EVENING TV ♪
♪ HOW DID I GET DELIVERED HERE ♪
♪ SOMEBODY TELL ME, PLEASE ♪
♪ THIS OLD WORLD'S
CONFUSING ME ♪
♪ CLOUDS AS MEAN
AS YOU'VE EVER SEEN ♪
♪ THERE AIN'T A BIRD
WHO KNOWS YOUR TUNE ♪
♪ THEN A LITTLE VOICE
INSIDE YOU WHISPERS ♪
♪ KID, DON'T SELL YOUR
DREAMS SO SOON ♪
♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK, ♪
EVERYWHERE YOU ARE ♪
♪ THERE'S A HEART,
THERE'S A HEART ♪
♪ A HAND TO HOLD ON TO ♪
♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪
♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪
♪ THERE'S A FACE ♪
♪ OF SOMEBODY WHO NEEDS YOU ♪
♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪
♪ WHEN YOU'RE LOST OUT THERE ♪
♪ AND YOU'RE ALL ALONE ♪
♪ A LIGHT IS WAITING
TO CARRY YOU HOME ♪
♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪
♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪
♪ DOOBIE DOO RAH DAH BAH ♪
WISH DADDY LUCK,
HONEY. IT'S A BIG NIGHT.
DADDY'S GETTING A TRYOUT AS
COLOR MAN FOR THE BIG FIGHT.
CABLE TV. NATIONWIDE.
YES, I SEE HOW
IMPRESSED YOU ARE.
OH... THERE YOU GO.
DADA.
MICHELLE, I'D LOVE
TO GIVE YOU A HUG,
BUT 20 MILLION PEOPLE
WILL BE WATCHING ME,
AND I'D JUST AS
SOON THEM NOT SEE
YOUR COOKIES ON MY SHOULDER.
OHH...
YOU PROMISE
EVERYTHING INSIDE OF YOU
IS GONNA STAY INSIDE OF YOU?
UH... UH... OK.
[BURP]
THAT'S A PREVIEW, ISN'T IT?
OK. BABY DRIBBLE GUARD.
COME HERE.
♪ I GOT NO RIGHT ♪
♪ I GOT... ♪
AH, COOL. YES. ALL RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT. AHEM. AHEM.
MAY I HELP YOU?
WELL, JESSE, WHAT DO YOU THINK?
YOU PLAN ON BURPING
ONE OF THE BOXERS?
A GOOD SPORTSCASTER
IS READY FOR ANYTHING.
VERY NICE. ALL RIGHT, LISTEN,
I PICKED UP THE PERFECT
TUNE FOR THE LYRICS HERE.
THIS IS REALLY COOL.
LISTEN TO THIS SONG.
♪ YOU LEFT ME FOR ANOTHER ♪
♪ WALKED RIGHT OUT THE DOOR ♪
♪ I THOUGHT THAT YOU LOVED ME ♪
♪ WHAT GOOD IS MY HEART FOR? ♪
♪ ON TOP OF OLD SMOKEY ♪
♪ ALL COVERED WITH SNOW ♪
YOU REALIZE THERE
ARE ONLY 7 NOTES.
BEETHOVEN WAS
RIGHT WHEN HE SAID,
"IT DON'T DOME EASY."
BEETHOVEN SAID, "IT
DON'T COME EASY"?
WELL, HE SAID IT
IN GERMAN, YEAH.
ALL RIGHT, DANNY, I'M READY.
I WANT YOU. POOF!
I WANT YOU. POOF POOF!
SECOND ROUND, YOU GOIN' DOWN.
POOF POOF POOF POOF!
SORRY. I'LL... I'LL BEHAVE.
YOU ARE SUCH A BABY.
LONG-HAIRED HIPPIE PUNK.
DANNY, I GOT TO TELL YOU,
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU.
EVER SINCE YOU
WERE SPORTS EDITOR
OF OUR HIGH SCHOOL NEWSPAPER,
YOU HAD THAT DREAM.
THE ONE ABOUT SHARON CAMPBELL?
NO, NOT THAT DREAM.
EVERY GUY IN HIGH
SCHOOL HAD THAT DREAM.
NO, I MEAN YOUR DREAM
ABOUT MAKING IT
AS A SPORTSCASTER.
TONIGHT YOU GO FROM LOCAL NEWS
TO COAST-TO-COAST.
KNOCK 'EM DEAD.
THANKS. AND YOUR DREAM
ABOUT BEING A COMIC?
I PROMISE YOU, ONE DAY
I WON'T BE THE ONLY ONE
WHO THINKS YOU'RE FUNNY.
WE GOT IT! HOLD
ON, DON'T GO YET.
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!
WE GOT YOU SOMETHING
FOR GOOD LUCK.
GUESS WHAT THIS IS.
A TIE.
STEPH, YOU KNEW.
OH, YEAH.
DADDY, NOW YOU GUESS.
I GIVE UP.
IT'S A TIE, REMEMBER?
AW... OH! A TIE!
I'M SO SURPRISED.
THIS IS BEAUTIFUL.
I'M GOING TO WEAR THIS TONIGHT.
I GOT YOU A
SURPRISE, TOO, DADDY.
OH, I LOVE SURPRISES.
OH, THIS IS GREAT.
THANK YOU FOR THE, UM...
THIS IS GREAT.
THAT'S THE MOST BEAUTIFUL...
ONE OF THOSE I'VE EVER SEEN.
TRY IT ON, DADDY.
OF COURSE I'M GONNA TRY IT ON.
OH, UH...
ISN'T THAT A COOL TIE TACK, DAD?
GOD BLESS YOU.
STEPH, I LOVE THIS.
THANK YOU, GIRLS.
YOU'RE WELCOME.
ALL RIGHT, I FINALLY GOT IT.
THIS BABY IS HIT-BOUND.
LISTEN TO THIS.
♪ YOU LEFT ME FOR ANOTHER ♪
♪ WALKED RIGHT OUT THE DOOR ♪
♪ I THOUGHT THAT YOU LOVED ME ♪
♪ WHAT GOOD IS MY HEART FOR ♪
♪ THIS LAND IS YOUR LAND ♪
♪ THIS LAND IS MY LAND ♪
♪ FROM CALIFORNIA ♪
♪ TO THE NEW YORK ISLAND ♪
EVERYBODY SING ALONG.
♪ FROM THE REDWOOD FORESTS ♪
♪ TO THE GULFSTREAM WATERS... ♪
ALL RIGHT, COMING RIGHT UP,
GIRLS. GET SOME SNACKS FIRST.
HURRY UP. DAD'S ALMOST ON.
WE'RE GONNA WATCH
HIM IN OUR ROOM.
ALL RIGHT.
DON'T FORGET THE ICE CREAM.
OK.
RIGHT.
GOT IT.
AND THE BOWLS AND SPOONS!
BOWLS AND SPOONS.
HOW CAN YOU EAT ICE CREAM
WITHOUT BOWLS AND SPOONS?
ALL RIGHT.
AND LICORICE!
LICORICE.
ALL RIGHT.
LICORICE.
RED LICORICE!
GOT IT.
AND FRUIT!
FRUIT.
OK.
GET SOME FRUIT.
AND MILK!
SOME MILK.
GOT IT.
DON'T FORGET TO SHUT THE DOOR!
SHUT THE DOOR.
THE LICORICE AND THE MILK...
AND WE NEED PEANUT BUTTER
AND JELLY AND BREAD AND CARROTS.
ALL RIGHT, GIRLS.
THIS OUGHT TO GET US
THROUGH THE FIRST 2 ROUNDS.
UNCLE JESSE, WE
CHANGED OUR MINDS.
WE'RE GONNA WATCH
THE FIGHT DOWNSTAIRS.
FREEZE, ANKLE-BITERS.
THIS IS AS FAR AS YOUR
UNCLE LUNCH WAGON GOES.
OOH, IT'S UNCLE BAD ATTITUDE.
I GUESS THIS IS A
BAD TIME TO MENTION
YOU FORGOT THE CARROTS?
YES, IT'S A BAD TIME.
HELP ME OUT HERE.
COME ON, GRAB THAT.
JESS, QUICK, I NEED
YOU IN THE NURSERY.
LET ME GIVE YOU
A HAND WITH THIS.
THANKS.
WHAT IS HAPPENING TO MY LIFE?
MICHELLE, PLEASE DON'T BE SICK.
ALL RIGHT, JOSEPH,
WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?
I HEARD MICHELLE COUGH.
HERE. KID, YOU OK?
SHE'S COOL.
IT'S TIME.
DADDY'S GOING TO BE ON
RIGHT AFTER THE
UNDERARM COMMERCIAL.
WE'RE COMING.
JESS, I DIDN'T LIKE THE
SOUND OF THAT COUGH.
WE SHOULD BRING
MICHELLE WITH US.
JOEY, YOU GOT TO
REALIZE, BABIES COUGH, MAN.
BABIES DRIBBLE, BABIES BARF.
THINK OF THEM AS
LITTLE TINY TEENAGERS.
COME ON, MICHELLE. COME ON.
COME ON, PAL.
YOU OK?
YOU OK?
[COUGH COUGH]
YOU GIRLS EVER HEAR
THAT COUGH BEFORE?
SOUNDS LIKE A HAIR BALL.
COME ON, STEPH.
BABIES DON'T GET HAIR...
DO BABIES GET HAIR BALLS?
TV announcer: AND NOW,
LIVE FROM SAN FRANCISCO,
A SPECIAL BOXING PRESENTATION.
HERE'S DANNY TANNER.
YAY! YAY!
GOOD EVENING, BOXING
FANS. I'M DANNY TANNER...
BACK UP, BACK UP.
YOU GOT HIM.
HI, IT'S DANNY TANNER...
NOW I'M REALLY DANNY TANNER,
AND WELCOME TO TONIGHT'S FIGHT.
WE'RE IN THE TRAINING ROOM
OF FORMER HEAVYWEIGHT
CHAMPION OF THE WORLD,
REGGIE "THE SANDMAN" MARTIN,
ONLY MOMENTS AWAY FROM
THE SANDMAN'S FIRST ATTEMPT
ON THE COMEBACK TRAIL TO
RECLAIM HIS HEAVYWEIGHT CROWN.
AND HERE HE IS NOW.
WELL, CHAMP, HOW YOU FEELING?
I FEEL GOOD! I FEEL STRONG!
I FEEL LIKE HITTIN'
SOMEBODY. HUNH!
BUT NOT ME, RIGHT?
THAT DEPENDS ON THE QUESTION.
OK, NO PRESSURE HERE.
WELL, CHAMP, THE
OBVIOUS QUESTION...
WHY THE COMEBACK?
YOU'VE GOT PLENTY
OF MONEY IN THE BANK.
HECK, YOU OWN A BANK.
YOU'VE BEEN RETIRED
FOR 2 YEARS. WHAT IS IT?
DO YOU MISS WEARING THE SHORTS?
NO, NO, YOU SEE... IT'S PRIDE.
IT'S PRIDE AND RESPECT.
THE CHAMP WANTS TO GO DOWN
AS THE GREATEST FIGHTER
IN THE HISTORY OF BOXING.
ARE YOU SURE IT'S
NOT THE $6 MILLION?
OK, I MISS WEARING THE SHORTS.
MY TIE TACK!
YAY! YAY!
I KNOW WHY I'M WEARING A CUP.
BUT, NOW, WHY ARE
YOU WEARING A SAUCER?
OH, THIS. THIS IS A GIFT FROM
MY DAUGHTER STEPHANIE,
AND THE TIE IS A GIFT
FROM MY DAUGHTER D.J.
AND I HAVE A LITTLE
BABY MICHELLE, TOO,
BUT YOU CAN'T WEAR HER GIFTS.
YAY! YAY!
YOU PROBABLY HAVEN'T
SEEN MUCH OF YOUR FAMILY
DURING THESE 3
MONTHS OF TRAINING.
YEAH. LOU RUNS A
PRETTY TOUGH CAMP.
THE TOUGHEST. HA HA!
TOTAL ISOLATION.
JUST ME, THE SANDMAN,
AND MISERY. HA HA HA!
NO PHONE CALLS, NO
WOMEN, NO NOTHING.
LOOK, I'M SORRY
ABOUT THAT, MARCIE.
HOW YOU FEELING, HONEY?
I THINK IT'S WONDERFUL
THAT YOU AND YOUR WIFE
ARE STILL GOOD
FRIENDS, CONSIDERING.
CONSIDERING WHAT?
YOU KNOW... YEAH, RIGHT, CHAMP.
JUST LOOSEN UP, BABY, LOOSEN UP.
HEY, HEY, HEY. THE
MAN SAID "CONSIDERING."
CONSIDERING WHAT?
UH, CONSIDERING WHAT HAPPENED.
LOOSEN UP, CHAMP,
HUH? JUST LOOSEN...
HEY, IF I DON'T GET
SOME INFORMATION,
I'M GONNA LOOSEN
SOMEBODY'S HEAD.
NOW, YOU SAID,
"IT'S GREAT WE'RE
STILL FRIENDS."
WHY WOULDN'T MY WIFE
AND I STILL BE FRIENDS?
SO, ABOUT TONIGHT'S FIGHT, UM...
LET'S TALK STRATEGY.
HEY, MAN...
LET'S FORGET ABOUT
STRATEGY. UM...
ALL I MEANT WAS, USUALLY WHEN
A WOMAN MOVES OUT ON A MAN,
THEY STOP BEING FRIENDS.
SHE MOVED OUT?
CHAMP, IT'S TIME
TO FIGHT. LET'S GO.
HEY, MAN, YOU EXPECT ME TO FIGHT
WHEN I JUST FOUND OUT
MY WIFE WALKED OUT ON ME?
USE IT, CHAMP! USE THE ANGER!
OH, CHAMP, I'M SORRY.
OH, BOY, AM I SORRY.
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU
DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT THIS.
YOU CALLING ME A LIAR?
OH, NOT AT ALL.
WHY WOULD I CHOOSE
THOSE AS MY LAST WORDS?
I JUST FIGURED SINCE THE
STORY WAS IN THE NEWSPAPERS
AND THE MAGAZINES AND
THE SOON-TO-BE TV MOVIE...
SHE LEFT ME?
AND SOLD THE RIGHTS?
OH, NO, MARCIE, BABY.
NO, NO, NO, BABY, NO.
IT'LL BE OK, CHAMP, IT'LL BE OK.
YOU KIND OF TAKEN THE
EDGE OFF HIM, EH, TANNER?
YOU KNOW, IN A WAY,
THIS IS KIND OF A
BEAUTIFUL MOMENT.
THANKS FOR SHARING IT WITH US.
AND, SANDMAN,
BEST OF LUCK ON TONIGHT'S FIGHT.
FIGHT?
I CAN'T FIGHT.
COME ON, CHAMP, YOU'LL FIGHT.
I CAN'T FIGHT NOW.
YOU'LL FIGHT AND YOU'LL
KNOCK HIM OUT, CHAMP.
YOU'RE GONNA WIN IT.
YOU'RE GONNA WIN IT, BABY.
WHY WAS THAT MAN CRYING?
WELL, THE MAN WAS
CRYING BECAUSE, UH,
BECAUSE YOUR DAD
MADE HIM SO HAPPY.
I DON'T THINK SO.
WE'LL BE BACK AFTER THIS WORD
FROM ANYBODY BUT ME.
NOW WHAT HAPPENS?
WELL, TWO GUYS BEAT EACH
OTHER UP FOR ABOUT 36 MINUTES,
THEN THEY GET $6 MILLION.
$6 MILLION?!
FORGET ABOUT BEING A BALLERINA.
MAYBE YOU GIRLS SHOULDN'T
WATCH ALL THIS VIOLENCE.
JOEY'S RIGHT, STEPH.
LET'S GO WATCH
RERUNS OF THE A-TEAM.
[COUGH COUGH]
YOU HEAR THAT?
SHE COUGHED AGAIN.
THIS COUGH IS GETTING SERIOUS.
I'LL THINK OF SOMETHING.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
CALLING THE BABY'S DOCTOR.
GOOD. I KNEW I'D
THINK OF SOMETHING.
HERE.
HELLO, DR. LANDRESS?
YOU'RE HOME?
YOU ANSWER YOUR OWN PHONE?
ARE YOU ANY GOOD?
YEAH, I'M CALLING
ABOUT MICHELLE TANNER.
SHE'S, UM, SHE'S COUGHING.
HOLD ON, DOC.
HE WANTS TO KNOW
WHAT KIND OF COUGH.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN, WHAT KIND
OF... IT'S A LITTLE BABY'S COUGH,
LIKE, YOU KNOW, LIKE
[COUGH COUGH]. LIKE THAT.
DOC, I DO IMPRESSIONS
FOR A LIVING.
IT WAS MORE LIKE, UH... ACHUH.
GIVE ME THE PHONE.
I'M SORRY. WE'RE NEW PARENTS.
ALL RIGHT. COME HERE.
LISTEN TO MICHELLE COUGH.
THERE YOU GO. COUGH, MICHELLE.
COME ON, COUGH. COME ON.
IT'S JUST LIKE WHEN
YOU TAKE YOUR CAR
TO THE MECHANIC.
IT NEVER MAKES THAT SAME NOISE.
ALL RIGHT.
HER NOSE? YEAH, IT'S
RUNNING LIKE A FOUNTAIN.
WHAT'S COMING OUT OF IT?
DIET COLA.
FEVER? I DON'T KNOW.
OF COURSE I KNOW HOW
TO TAKE HER TEMPERATURE.
YOU SIMPLY PUT THE
THERMOMETER UNDER HER TON...
I PUT IT WHERE?
JOEY, IT'S FOR YOU.
TO THE LEFT AND TILT DOWN
TO THE RIGHT... NORMAL!
NO TEMPERATURE.
HIGH FIVE, MICHELLE.
HIGH FIVE, HIGH FIVE.
HIGH FIVE. ALL RIGHT.
OK. WELL, DOCTOR SAID
NO FEVER MEANS IT'S A COLD
AND WE SHOULD GIVE
HER THE MEDICINE
THAT HE PRESCRIBED
FOR THE LAST COLD.
OK. WE GOT STRAWBERRY MOUSSE,
APRICOT CONDITIONER,
HONEY-NUT RINSE.
CAN YOU BELIEVE THESE GIRLS
PUT ALL THIS DUMB
JUNK IN THEIR HAIR?
IT'S MINE.
WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT?
ALL RIGHT, HERE IT IS.
"MICHELLE TANNER, 1/2 TEASPOON
4 TIMES A DAY." REMEMBER THAT.
GIVE ME THAT.
THE FIGHT'S OVER.
THEY SAID DAD WILL BE BACK ON
AFTER THESE IMPORTANT MESSAGES.
OK.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MICHELLE?
WE'RE GIVING YOUR
SISTER SOME MEDICINE.
THAT'S NOT THE
WAY DADDY DOES IT.
STEPHANIE... ALL RIGHT,
HERE YOU GO, MICHELLE.
JOEY, DUCK!
WELL, SO MUCH FOR COUGH
SYRUP AND PUREED CHICKEN.
I TOLD YOU IT WOULDN'T WORK.
YOU NEVER SERVE RED COUGH SYRUP
WITH POULTRY.
BY THE WAY, IF I'M
EVER SICK, DIAL 911.
DADDY'S ON!
OK. COME ON.
WELL, FANS, YOU SAW IT.
A MINUTE 17 INTO
THE SECOND ROUND,
REGGIE "THE SANDMAN"
MARTIN WAS KO'd.
HE MAY HAVE BEEN A
LITTLE OFF TONIGHT.
THAT HAPPENS.
BUT I DON'T THINK THE BLAME
SHOULD BE LAID
AT ANYBODY'S FEET.
I MEAN ANYBODY.
AM I BEING CLEAR?
A BLAMELESS DEFEAT.
HEY, TANNER!
HOW DOES IT FEEL TO
HAVE PERSONALLY DEALT
A CRUSHING BLOW
TO A MAN'S CAREER?
ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT
THE SANDMAN'S OR MY OWN?
TELL ME, DO YOU HAVE SOME
SORT OF PERSONAL GRUDGE
AGAINST THE SANDMAN?
NOT AT ALL. THE SANDMAN
AND I HAVE ALWAYS HAD
A VERY WARM AND
CORDIAL RELATIONSHIP.
I WANT HIM! I WANT HIM!
I WANT DANNY TANNER!
I WANT HIM! I WANT HIM!
CAN'T YOU JUST FEEL THE LOVE?
OOH. OOH.
OOH. OOH.
WALK WITH ME AS I
APOLOGIZE TO THE SANDMAN.
SANDMAN, I AM REALLY
VERY, VERY SORRY.
IT'S OK.
IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT.
AT LEAST SOMEBODY HAD THE GUTS
TO TELL ME ABOUT MY WIFE.
SAY, YOU WOULDN'T
YOU HAPPEN TO KNOW
WHY SHE LEFT ME, WOULD YOU?
WELL, MAYBE NOT SEEING YOUR WIFE
FOR 3 OR 4 MONTHS
RESULTED IN A TEENSY
LOSS OF INTIMACY.
IT'S OK, CHAMP.
WE DON'T NEED HER.
WHAT'S THIS "WE" STUFF?
IT'S THIS "WE" STUFF
THAT GOT ME IN TROUBLE.
YOU TALKED ME OUT
OF OF RETIREMENT
BECAUSE YOU NEEDED MONEY.
NOW, YOU KNEW ABOUT MY
WIFE ALL THE TIME, DIDN'T YOU?
WELL, I KIND OF GOT AN INKLING
WHEN IS SAW THE COVER
STORY IN SPORTS ILLUSTRATED.
MARCIE... MARCIE, HONEY,
I'M GOING TO GIVE UP BOXING
FOR GOOD, BABY. I'M
GONNA TO FIND YOU,
I'M GONNA BEG FOR FORGIVENESS,
I'M GONNA WIN YOU BACK
'CAUSE I LOVE YOU, BABY.
[KISS KISS KISS]
LOU... YOU FIRED.
TANNER, THIS WHOLE
THING IS YOUR FAULT.
OHH!
THANKS, STEPHANIE.
YOU'RE WELCOME, DADDY.
DIDN'T DADDY DO GREAT?
OH, YEAH.
HE WAS REALLY, REALLY
QUITE GOOD THIS EVENING.
YEAH, GIRLS, NOBODY CAN
TAKE A PUNCH LIKE YOUR FATHER.
CAN WE STAY UP TILL
DADDY GETS HOME?
NO, NO, NO, GIRLS. GO TO SLEEP.
COME ON, GET SOME REST.
TOMORROW WE MAY MOVE
TO A CIVILIZATION
WITHOUT TELEVISION. GO.
GOOD NIGHT!
GOOD NIGHT. GOOD NIGHT.
ALL RIGHT, JOEY, YOU TRY
TO GIVE HER HER MEDICINE.
I GIVE UP.
OK, MICHELLE.
HERE IT COMES.
MMM... MMM... MMM!
AW, COME ON. IT
TASTES REALLY GOOD.
WATCH THIS.
MMM... MMM... MMM!
SMILE. THE BABY'S WATCHING YOU.
MMM!
MMM!
AND SHE'S WAITING FOR HER
UNCLE JESSE TO SWALLOW.
[GULP]
THIS STUFF'S TERRIBLE.
BUT YOU'RE NOT
COUGHING, ARE YOU?
ALL RIGHT, ENOUGH
OF THIS NONSENSE.
THAT'S IT, MICHELLE.
ENOUGH FOOLING AROUND.
THIS IS THE LAST
TEASPOON OF MEDICINE.
YOU'RE GONNA DRINK IT,
YOU'RE GONNA FEEL BETTER,
AND YOU'RE GONNA
DO IT RIGHT NOW.
COME ON. COME ON.
RIGHT NOW. COME ON.
SEE? TOLD YOU. ALL WE
HAD TO DO WAS ASK NICE.
YES! YES!
DANNY.
JOEY, PLEASE, DON'T
BOTHER LYING TO ME.
I STUNK.
I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW
THAT MICHELLE IS GONNA BE FINE.
WHAT?!
WELL, SHE WAS SICK,
BUT SHE'S FINE NOW.
THE BABY'S SICK? WHY
DIDN'T YOU SAY SOMETHING?
[HUMMING] SING ALONG, MICHELLE.
♪ AND BEAUTIFUL ♪
♪ AND DE-BOODEY-FUL ♪
♪ LII HII LII-III ♪
MICHELLE, MICHELLE,
DADDY'S HERE.
HI.
JESSE, WHAT'S WRONG WITH HER?
NOTHING. SHE JUST
HAD A LITTLE COLD.
HOW DO YOU KNOW
IT'S A LITTLE COLD?
WELL, SHE HAD A COUGH
AND A RUNNY NOSE,
BUT NO FEVER.
SHE SHOULD HAVE FLUIDS.
DONE. DONE.
WE SHOULD CALL THE DOCTOR.
DONE. DONE.
REALLY? HAS SHE HAD
HER COUGH MEDICINE?
DONE. DONE.
WHOA.
HOW ABOUT CHANGING HER DIAPER?
GOOD NIGHT. GOOD NIGHT.
WELL, THE BABY'S ASLEEP.
HER COLD SOUNDS MUCH BETTER.
YOU GUYS WERE
REALLY GREAT TONIGHT.
YEAH, I FINALLY LEARNED
HOW TO TAKE CARE
OF THE LITTLE KID.
I'LL DRINK TO THAT.
ALL RIGHT.
I CAN'T THANK YOU GUYS ENOUGH.
NO PROBLEM.
I REALLY LOVE THAT
LITTLE... AH-CHOO!
[COUGH COUGH]
GERM-SPREADING PHLEGM FAUCET.
YOU KNOW, WHEN I
CAME HOME TONIGHT,
I WAS SO DOWN.
BUT THEN I HEARD
MICHELLE WAS SICK,
AND IT PUT EVERYTHING
BACK INTO PERSPECTIVE.
I REALIZED WHAT'S
REALLY IMPORTANT
IS MY FAMILY... AND MY FRIENDS.
SO YOU FORGOT ALL ABOUT THAT...
NIGHTMARE OF AN INTERVIEW.
RIGHT UP UNTIL THIS VERY MOMENT
WHEN YOU WERE KIND ENOUGH
TO JUST BRING IT UP AGAIN.
I WAS HORRIBLE!
COME ON, HORRIBLE'S
A PRETTY HARSH WORD.
YOU WERE... WELL,
YOU WERE HORRIBLE.
YEAH, YEAH.
HE WAS HORRIBLE.
ISN'T THIS WHERE YOU GUYS
ARE SUPPOSED TO JUMP
IN WITH A LITTLE PEP TALK?
I DON'T KNOW IF I GOT
ONE IN ME, DANNY. YOU?
A SICK BABY AND A PEP TALK?
WHAT AM I, A SAINT?
AW, COME ON. I'LL
GET YOU STARTED.
HOW ABOUT, UH...
"EVERY CLOUD HAS
A SILVER LINING,"
OR "THE SUN WILL
COME OUT TOMORROW"?
I'M FEELING IT.
PEP IS WELLING UP.
IT'S IN MY STOMACH.
IT'S WORKING ITS WAY NORTH.
IT'S IN MY THROAT, AND... PEP!
DANNY, NOBODY'S
CAREER GOES STRAIGHT UP.
YOU HAD ONE ROUGH NIGHT.
THERE'S ALWAYS
BUMPS ALONG THE WAY.
THIS IS GOOD. DON'T STOP.
THEN DON'T INTERRUPT.
THE KEY, DANNY...
IS TO LEARN FROM ALL
THOSE LITTLE BUMPS
SO THAT YOU'LL BE
BETTER PREPARED
FOR NEXT TIME.
BECAUSE YOU WILL
HAVE OTHER CHANCES.
WHEN?
I NEED A DATE AND A TIME.
SOON.
BECAUSE YOU'RE
GOOD AT WHAT YOU DO.
AND YOU KNOW WHY?
BECAUSE YOU CARE ABOUT MORE THAN
JUST SCORES AND STATS.
YOU CARE ABOUT PEOPLE.
RIGHT, JESS?
YEAH, WHY NOT?
AND IN YOUR OWN UNIQUE WAY,
YOU HELPED THE SANDMAN.
PEOPLE TRUST YOU.
THEY KNOW YOU'RE A GOOD GUY.
RIGHT, JESS?
YEAH, WHY NOT?
THANKS, GUYS.
MY FAVORITE PART
WAS WHEN THE MANAGER
PUNCHED HIM. BLUHH!
RIGHT IN THE STOMACH.
I LOVED IT WHEN HE BROUGHT TEARS
TO THE SANDMAN'S EYES.
THAT WAS NICE. THAT WAS NICE.
BUT THE REPORTERS
OUTSIDE DRILLING HIM...
HE HAD BEADS OF SWEAT
GOING DOWN HIS FACE.
THAT KILLED ME. THAT WAS FUNNY.
THAT WAS GOOD. YOU
KNOW WHAT I LOVED?
WHEN I CLAIMED THERE
WAS NO ONE TO BLAME.
HA HA. I LOVED HOW BAD THAT WAS.
CAPTIONING MADE
POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS.
POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS.
♪ WHATEVER HAPPENED
TO PREDICTABILITY ♪
♪ THE MILKMAN, THE
PAPER BOY, EVENING TV ♪
♪ HOW DID I GET DELIVERED HERE ♪
♪ SOMEBODY TELL ME, PLEASE ♪
♪ THIS OLD WORLD'S
CONFUSING ME ♪
♪ CLOUDS AS MEAN
AS YOU'VE EVER SEEN ♪
♪ THERE AIN'T A BIRD
WHO KNOWS YOUR TUNE ♪
♪ THEN A LITTLE VOICE
INSIDE YOU WHISPERS ♪
♪ KID, DON'T SELL YOUR
DREAMS SO SOON ♪
♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK, ♪
EVERYWHERE YOU ARE ♪
♪ THERE'S A HEART,
THERE'S A HEART ♪
♪ A HAND TO HOLD ON TO ♪
♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪
♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪
♪ THERE'S A FACE ♪
♪ OF SOMEBODY WHO NEEDS YOU ♪
♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪
♪ WHEN YOU'RE LOST OUT THERE ♪
♪ AND YOU'RE ALL ALONE ♪
♪ A LIGHT IS WAITING
TO CARRY YOU HOME ♪
♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪
♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪
♪ DOOBIE DOO RAH DAH BAH ♪
WISH DADDY LUCK,
HONEY. IT'S A BIG NIGHT.
DADDY'S GETTING A TRYOUT AS
COLOR MAN FOR THE BIG FIGHT.
CABLE TV. NATIONWIDE.
YES, I SEE HOW
IMPRESSED YOU ARE.
OH... THERE YOU GO.
DADA.
MICHELLE, I'D LOVE
TO GIVE YOU A HUG,
BUT 20 MILLION PEOPLE
WILL BE WATCHING ME,
AND I'D JUST AS
SOON THEM NOT SEE
YOUR COOKIES ON MY SHOULDER.
OHH...
YOU PROMISE
EVERYTHING INSIDE OF YOU
IS GONNA STAY INSIDE OF YOU?
UH... UH... OK.
[BURP]
THAT'S A PREVIEW, ISN'T IT?
OK. BABY DRIBBLE GUARD.
COME HERE.
♪ I GOT NO RIGHT ♪
♪ I GOT... ♪
AH, COOL. YES. ALL RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT. AHEM. AHEM.
MAY I HELP YOU?
WELL, JESSE, WHAT DO YOU THINK?
YOU PLAN ON BURPING
ONE OF THE BOXERS?
A GOOD SPORTSCASTER
IS READY FOR ANYTHING.
VERY NICE. ALL RIGHT, LISTEN,
I PICKED UP THE PERFECT
TUNE FOR THE LYRICS HERE.
THIS IS REALLY COOL.
LISTEN TO THIS SONG.
♪ YOU LEFT ME FOR ANOTHER ♪
♪ WALKED RIGHT OUT THE DOOR ♪
♪ I THOUGHT THAT YOU LOVED ME ♪
♪ WHAT GOOD IS MY HEART FOR? ♪
♪ ON TOP OF OLD SMOKEY ♪
♪ ALL COVERED WITH SNOW ♪
YOU REALIZE THERE
ARE ONLY 7 NOTES.
BEETHOVEN WAS
RIGHT WHEN HE SAID,
"IT DON'T DOME EASY."
BEETHOVEN SAID, "IT
DON'T COME EASY"?
WELL, HE SAID IT
IN GERMAN, YEAH.
ALL RIGHT, DANNY, I'M READY.
I WANT YOU. POOF!
I WANT YOU. POOF POOF!
SECOND ROUND, YOU GOIN' DOWN.
POOF POOF POOF POOF!
SORRY. I'LL... I'LL BEHAVE.
YOU ARE SUCH A BABY.
LONG-HAIRED HIPPIE PUNK.
DANNY, I GOT TO TELL YOU,
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU.
EVER SINCE YOU
WERE SPORTS EDITOR
OF OUR HIGH SCHOOL NEWSPAPER,
YOU HAD THAT DREAM.
THE ONE ABOUT SHARON CAMPBELL?
NO, NOT THAT DREAM.
EVERY GUY IN HIGH
SCHOOL HAD THAT DREAM.
NO, I MEAN YOUR DREAM
ABOUT MAKING IT
AS A SPORTSCASTER.
TONIGHT YOU GO FROM LOCAL NEWS
TO COAST-TO-COAST.
KNOCK 'EM DEAD.
THANKS. AND YOUR DREAM
ABOUT BEING A COMIC?
I PROMISE YOU, ONE DAY
I WON'T BE THE ONLY ONE
WHO THINKS YOU'RE FUNNY.
WE GOT IT! HOLD
ON, DON'T GO YET.
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!
WE GOT YOU SOMETHING
FOR GOOD LUCK.
GUESS WHAT THIS IS.
A TIE.
STEPH, YOU KNEW.
OH, YEAH.
DADDY, NOW YOU GUESS.
I GIVE UP.
IT'S A TIE, REMEMBER?
AW... OH! A TIE!
I'M SO SURPRISED.
THIS IS BEAUTIFUL.
I'M GOING TO WEAR THIS TONIGHT.
I GOT YOU A
SURPRISE, TOO, DADDY.
OH, I LOVE SURPRISES.
OH, THIS IS GREAT.
THANK YOU FOR THE, UM...
THIS IS GREAT.
THAT'S THE MOST BEAUTIFUL...
ONE OF THOSE I'VE EVER SEEN.
TRY IT ON, DADDY.
OF COURSE I'M GONNA TRY IT ON.
OH, UH...
ISN'T THAT A COOL TIE TACK, DAD?
GOD BLESS YOU.
STEPH, I LOVE THIS.
THANK YOU, GIRLS.
YOU'RE WELCOME.
ALL RIGHT, I FINALLY GOT IT.
THIS BABY IS HIT-BOUND.
LISTEN TO THIS.
♪ YOU LEFT ME FOR ANOTHER ♪
♪ WALKED RIGHT OUT THE DOOR ♪
♪ I THOUGHT THAT YOU LOVED ME ♪
♪ WHAT GOOD IS MY HEART FOR ♪
♪ THIS LAND IS YOUR LAND ♪
♪ THIS LAND IS MY LAND ♪
♪ FROM CALIFORNIA ♪
♪ TO THE NEW YORK ISLAND ♪
EVERYBODY SING ALONG.
♪ FROM THE REDWOOD FORESTS ♪
♪ TO THE GULFSTREAM WATERS... ♪
ALL RIGHT, COMING RIGHT UP,
GIRLS. GET SOME SNACKS FIRST.
HURRY UP. DAD'S ALMOST ON.
WE'RE GONNA WATCH
HIM IN OUR ROOM.
ALL RIGHT.
DON'T FORGET THE ICE CREAM.
OK.
RIGHT.
GOT IT.
AND THE BOWLS AND SPOONS!
BOWLS AND SPOONS.
HOW CAN YOU EAT ICE CREAM
WITHOUT BOWLS AND SPOONS?
ALL RIGHT.
AND LICORICE!
LICORICE.
ALL RIGHT.
LICORICE.
RED LICORICE!
GOT IT.
AND FRUIT!
FRUIT.
OK.
GET SOME FRUIT.
AND MILK!
SOME MILK.
GOT IT.
DON'T FORGET TO SHUT THE DOOR!
SHUT THE DOOR.
THE LICORICE AND THE MILK...
AND WE NEED PEANUT BUTTER
AND JELLY AND BREAD AND CARROTS.
ALL RIGHT, GIRLS.
THIS OUGHT TO GET US
THROUGH THE FIRST 2 ROUNDS.
UNCLE JESSE, WE
CHANGED OUR MINDS.
WE'RE GONNA WATCH
THE FIGHT DOWNSTAIRS.
FREEZE, ANKLE-BITERS.
THIS IS AS FAR AS YOUR
UNCLE LUNCH WAGON GOES.
OOH, IT'S UNCLE BAD ATTITUDE.
I GUESS THIS IS A
BAD TIME TO MENTION
YOU FORGOT THE CARROTS?
YES, IT'S A BAD TIME.
HELP ME OUT HERE.
COME ON, GRAB THAT.
JESS, QUICK, I NEED
YOU IN THE NURSERY.
LET ME GIVE YOU
A HAND WITH THIS.
THANKS.
WHAT IS HAPPENING TO MY LIFE?
MICHELLE, PLEASE DON'T BE SICK.
ALL RIGHT, JOSEPH,
WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?
I HEARD MICHELLE COUGH.
HERE. KID, YOU OK?
SHE'S COOL.
IT'S TIME.
DADDY'S GOING TO BE ON
RIGHT AFTER THE
UNDERARM COMMERCIAL.
WE'RE COMING.
JESS, I DIDN'T LIKE THE
SOUND OF THAT COUGH.
WE SHOULD BRING
MICHELLE WITH US.
JOEY, YOU GOT TO
REALIZE, BABIES COUGH, MAN.
BABIES DRIBBLE, BABIES BARF.
THINK OF THEM AS
LITTLE TINY TEENAGERS.
COME ON, MICHELLE. COME ON.
COME ON, PAL.
YOU OK?
YOU OK?
[COUGH COUGH]
YOU GIRLS EVER HEAR
THAT COUGH BEFORE?
SOUNDS LIKE A HAIR BALL.
COME ON, STEPH.
BABIES DON'T GET HAIR...
DO BABIES GET HAIR BALLS?
TV announcer: AND NOW,
LIVE FROM SAN FRANCISCO,
A SPECIAL BOXING PRESENTATION.
HERE'S DANNY TANNER.
YAY! YAY!
GOOD EVENING, BOXING
FANS. I'M DANNY TANNER...
BACK UP, BACK UP.
YOU GOT HIM.
HI, IT'S DANNY TANNER...
NOW I'M REALLY DANNY TANNER,
AND WELCOME TO TONIGHT'S FIGHT.
WE'RE IN THE TRAINING ROOM
OF FORMER HEAVYWEIGHT
CHAMPION OF THE WORLD,
REGGIE "THE SANDMAN" MARTIN,
ONLY MOMENTS AWAY FROM
THE SANDMAN'S FIRST ATTEMPT
ON THE COMEBACK TRAIL TO
RECLAIM HIS HEAVYWEIGHT CROWN.
AND HERE HE IS NOW.
WELL, CHAMP, HOW YOU FEELING?
I FEEL GOOD! I FEEL STRONG!
I FEEL LIKE HITTIN'
SOMEBODY. HUNH!
BUT NOT ME, RIGHT?
THAT DEPENDS ON THE QUESTION.
OK, NO PRESSURE HERE.
WELL, CHAMP, THE
OBVIOUS QUESTION...
WHY THE COMEBACK?
YOU'VE GOT PLENTY
OF MONEY IN THE BANK.
HECK, YOU OWN A BANK.
YOU'VE BEEN RETIRED
FOR 2 YEARS. WHAT IS IT?
DO YOU MISS WEARING THE SHORTS?
NO, NO, YOU SEE... IT'S PRIDE.
IT'S PRIDE AND RESPECT.
THE CHAMP WANTS TO GO DOWN
AS THE GREATEST FIGHTER
IN THE HISTORY OF BOXING.
ARE YOU SURE IT'S
NOT THE $6 MILLION?
OK, I MISS WEARING THE SHORTS.
MY TIE TACK!
YAY! YAY!
I KNOW WHY I'M WEARING A CUP.
BUT, NOW, WHY ARE
YOU WEARING A SAUCER?
OH, THIS. THIS IS A GIFT FROM
MY DAUGHTER STEPHANIE,
AND THE TIE IS A GIFT
FROM MY DAUGHTER D.J.
AND I HAVE A LITTLE
BABY MICHELLE, TOO,
BUT YOU CAN'T WEAR HER GIFTS.
YAY! YAY!
YOU PROBABLY HAVEN'T
SEEN MUCH OF YOUR FAMILY
DURING THESE 3
MONTHS OF TRAINING.
YEAH. LOU RUNS A
PRETTY TOUGH CAMP.
THE TOUGHEST. HA HA!
TOTAL ISOLATION.
JUST ME, THE SANDMAN,
AND MISERY. HA HA HA!
NO PHONE CALLS, NO
WOMEN, NO NOTHING.
LOOK, I'M SORRY
ABOUT THAT, MARCIE.
HOW YOU FEELING, HONEY?
I THINK IT'S WONDERFUL
THAT YOU AND YOUR WIFE
ARE STILL GOOD
FRIENDS, CONSIDERING.
CONSIDERING WHAT?
YOU KNOW... YEAH, RIGHT, CHAMP.
JUST LOOSEN UP, BABY, LOOSEN UP.
HEY, HEY, HEY. THE
MAN SAID "CONSIDERING."
CONSIDERING WHAT?
UH, CONSIDERING WHAT HAPPENED.
LOOSEN UP, CHAMP,
HUH? JUST LOOSEN...
HEY, IF I DON'T GET
SOME INFORMATION,
I'M GONNA LOOSEN
SOMEBODY'S HEAD.
NOW, YOU SAID,
"IT'S GREAT WE'RE
STILL FRIENDS."
WHY WOULDN'T MY WIFE
AND I STILL BE FRIENDS?
SO, ABOUT TONIGHT'S FIGHT, UM...
LET'S TALK STRATEGY.
HEY, MAN...
LET'S FORGET ABOUT
STRATEGY. UM...
ALL I MEANT WAS, USUALLY WHEN
A WOMAN MOVES OUT ON A MAN,
THEY STOP BEING FRIENDS.
SHE MOVED OUT?
CHAMP, IT'S TIME
TO FIGHT. LET'S GO.
HEY, MAN, YOU EXPECT ME TO FIGHT
WHEN I JUST FOUND OUT
MY WIFE WALKED OUT ON ME?
USE IT, CHAMP! USE THE ANGER!
OH, CHAMP, I'M SORRY.
OH, BOY, AM I SORRY.
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU
DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT THIS.
YOU CALLING ME A LIAR?
OH, NOT AT ALL.
WHY WOULD I CHOOSE
THOSE AS MY LAST WORDS?
I JUST FIGURED SINCE THE
STORY WAS IN THE NEWSPAPERS
AND THE MAGAZINES AND
THE SOON-TO-BE TV MOVIE...
SHE LEFT ME?
AND SOLD THE RIGHTS?
OH, NO, MARCIE, BABY.
NO, NO, NO, BABY, NO.
IT'LL BE OK, CHAMP, IT'LL BE OK.
YOU KIND OF TAKEN THE
EDGE OFF HIM, EH, TANNER?
YOU KNOW, IN A WAY,
THIS IS KIND OF A
BEAUTIFUL MOMENT.
THANKS FOR SHARING IT WITH US.
AND, SANDMAN,
BEST OF LUCK ON TONIGHT'S FIGHT.
FIGHT?
I CAN'T FIGHT.
COME ON, CHAMP, YOU'LL FIGHT.
I CAN'T FIGHT NOW.
YOU'LL FIGHT AND YOU'LL
KNOCK HIM OUT, CHAMP.
YOU'RE GONNA WIN IT.
YOU'RE GONNA WIN IT, BABY.
WHY WAS THAT MAN CRYING?
WELL, THE MAN WAS
CRYING BECAUSE, UH,
BECAUSE YOUR DAD
MADE HIM SO HAPPY.
I DON'T THINK SO.
WE'LL BE BACK AFTER THIS WORD
FROM ANYBODY BUT ME.
NOW WHAT HAPPENS?
WELL, TWO GUYS BEAT EACH
OTHER UP FOR ABOUT 36 MINUTES,
THEN THEY GET $6 MILLION.
$6 MILLION?!
FORGET ABOUT BEING A BALLERINA.
MAYBE YOU GIRLS SHOULDN'T
WATCH ALL THIS VIOLENCE.
JOEY'S RIGHT, STEPH.
LET'S GO WATCH
RERUNS OF THE A-TEAM.
[COUGH COUGH]
YOU HEAR THAT?
SHE COUGHED AGAIN.
THIS COUGH IS GETTING SERIOUS.
I'LL THINK OF SOMETHING.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
CALLING THE BABY'S DOCTOR.
GOOD. I KNEW I'D
THINK OF SOMETHING.
HERE.
HELLO, DR. LANDRESS?
YOU'RE HOME?
YOU ANSWER YOUR OWN PHONE?
ARE YOU ANY GOOD?
YEAH, I'M CALLING
ABOUT MICHELLE TANNER.
SHE'S, UM, SHE'S COUGHING.
HOLD ON, DOC.
HE WANTS TO KNOW
WHAT KIND OF COUGH.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN, WHAT KIND
OF... IT'S A LITTLE BABY'S COUGH,
LIKE, YOU KNOW, LIKE
[COUGH COUGH]. LIKE THAT.
DOC, I DO IMPRESSIONS
FOR A LIVING.
IT WAS MORE LIKE, UH... ACHUH.
GIVE ME THE PHONE.
I'M SORRY. WE'RE NEW PARENTS.
ALL RIGHT. COME HERE.
LISTEN TO MICHELLE COUGH.
THERE YOU GO. COUGH, MICHELLE.
COME ON, COUGH. COME ON.
IT'S JUST LIKE WHEN
YOU TAKE YOUR CAR
TO THE MECHANIC.
IT NEVER MAKES THAT SAME NOISE.
ALL RIGHT.
HER NOSE? YEAH, IT'S
RUNNING LIKE A FOUNTAIN.
WHAT'S COMING OUT OF IT?
DIET COLA.
FEVER? I DON'T KNOW.
OF COURSE I KNOW HOW
TO TAKE HER TEMPERATURE.
YOU SIMPLY PUT THE
THERMOMETER UNDER HER TON...
I PUT IT WHERE?
JOEY, IT'S FOR YOU.
TO THE LEFT AND TILT DOWN
TO THE RIGHT... NORMAL!
NO TEMPERATURE.
HIGH FIVE, MICHELLE.
HIGH FIVE, HIGH FIVE.
HIGH FIVE. ALL RIGHT.
OK. WELL, DOCTOR SAID
NO FEVER MEANS IT'S A COLD
AND WE SHOULD GIVE
HER THE MEDICINE
THAT HE PRESCRIBED
FOR THE LAST COLD.
OK. WE GOT STRAWBERRY MOUSSE,
APRICOT CONDITIONER,
HONEY-NUT RINSE.
CAN YOU BELIEVE THESE GIRLS
PUT ALL THIS DUMB
JUNK IN THEIR HAIR?
IT'S MINE.
WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT?
ALL RIGHT, HERE IT IS.
"MICHELLE TANNER, 1/2 TEASPOON
4 TIMES A DAY." REMEMBER THAT.
GIVE ME THAT.
THE FIGHT'S OVER.
THEY SAID DAD WILL BE BACK ON
AFTER THESE IMPORTANT MESSAGES.
OK.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MICHELLE?
WE'RE GIVING YOUR
SISTER SOME MEDICINE.
THAT'S NOT THE
WAY DADDY DOES IT.
STEPHANIE... ALL RIGHT,
HERE YOU GO, MICHELLE.
JOEY, DUCK!
WELL, SO MUCH FOR COUGH
SYRUP AND PUREED CHICKEN.
I TOLD YOU IT WOULDN'T WORK.
YOU NEVER SERVE RED COUGH SYRUP
WITH POULTRY.
BY THE WAY, IF I'M
EVER SICK, DIAL 911.
DADDY'S ON!
OK. COME ON.
WELL, FANS, YOU SAW IT.
A MINUTE 17 INTO
THE SECOND ROUND,
REGGIE "THE SANDMAN"
MARTIN WAS KO'd.
HE MAY HAVE BEEN A
LITTLE OFF TONIGHT.
THAT HAPPENS.
BUT I DON'T THINK THE BLAME
SHOULD BE LAID
AT ANYBODY'S FEET.
I MEAN ANYBODY.
AM I BEING CLEAR?
A BLAMELESS DEFEAT.
HEY, TANNER!
HOW DOES IT FEEL TO
HAVE PERSONALLY DEALT
A CRUSHING BLOW
TO A MAN'S CAREER?
ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT
THE SANDMAN'S OR MY OWN?
TELL ME, DO YOU HAVE SOME
SORT OF PERSONAL GRUDGE
AGAINST THE SANDMAN?
NOT AT ALL. THE SANDMAN
AND I HAVE ALWAYS HAD
A VERY WARM AND
CORDIAL RELATIONSHIP.
I WANT HIM! I WANT HIM!
I WANT DANNY TANNER!
I WANT HIM! I WANT HIM!
CAN'T YOU JUST FEEL THE LOVE?
OOH. OOH.
OOH. OOH.
WALK WITH ME AS I
APOLOGIZE TO THE SANDMAN.
SANDMAN, I AM REALLY
VERY, VERY SORRY.
IT'S OK.
IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT.
AT LEAST SOMEBODY HAD THE GUTS
TO TELL ME ABOUT MY WIFE.
SAY, YOU WOULDN'T
YOU HAPPEN TO KNOW
WHY SHE LEFT ME, WOULD YOU?
WELL, MAYBE NOT SEEING YOUR WIFE
FOR 3 OR 4 MONTHS
RESULTED IN A TEENSY
LOSS OF INTIMACY.
IT'S OK, CHAMP.
WE DON'T NEED HER.
WHAT'S THIS "WE" STUFF?
IT'S THIS "WE" STUFF
THAT GOT ME IN TROUBLE.
YOU TALKED ME OUT
OF OF RETIREMENT
BECAUSE YOU NEEDED MONEY.
NOW, YOU KNEW ABOUT MY
WIFE ALL THE TIME, DIDN'T YOU?
WELL, I KIND OF GOT AN INKLING
WHEN IS SAW THE COVER
STORY IN SPORTS ILLUSTRATED.
MARCIE... MARCIE, HONEY,
I'M GOING TO GIVE UP BOXING
FOR GOOD, BABY. I'M
GONNA TO FIND YOU,
I'M GONNA BEG FOR FORGIVENESS,
I'M GONNA WIN YOU BACK
'CAUSE I LOVE YOU, BABY.
[KISS KISS KISS]
LOU... YOU FIRED.
TANNER, THIS WHOLE
THING IS YOUR FAULT.
OHH!
THANKS, STEPHANIE.
YOU'RE WELCOME, DADDY.
DIDN'T DADDY DO GREAT?
OH, YEAH.
HE WAS REALLY, REALLY
QUITE GOOD THIS EVENING.
YEAH, GIRLS, NOBODY CAN
TAKE A PUNCH LIKE YOUR FATHER.
CAN WE STAY UP TILL
DADDY GETS HOME?
NO, NO, NO, GIRLS. GO TO SLEEP.
COME ON, GET SOME REST.
TOMORROW WE MAY MOVE
TO A CIVILIZATION
WITHOUT TELEVISION. GO.
GOOD NIGHT!
GOOD NIGHT. GOOD NIGHT.
ALL RIGHT, JOEY, YOU TRY
TO GIVE HER HER MEDICINE.
I GIVE UP.
OK, MICHELLE.
HERE IT COMES.
MMM... MMM... MMM!
AW, COME ON. IT
TASTES REALLY GOOD.
WATCH THIS.
MMM... MMM... MMM!
SMILE. THE BABY'S WATCHING YOU.
MMM!
MMM!
AND SHE'S WAITING FOR HER
UNCLE JESSE TO SWALLOW.
[GULP]
THIS STUFF'S TERRIBLE.
BUT YOU'RE NOT
COUGHING, ARE YOU?
ALL RIGHT, ENOUGH
OF THIS NONSENSE.
THAT'S IT, MICHELLE.
ENOUGH FOOLING AROUND.
THIS IS THE LAST
TEASPOON OF MEDICINE.
YOU'RE GONNA DRINK IT,
YOU'RE GONNA FEEL BETTER,
AND YOU'RE GONNA
DO IT RIGHT NOW.
COME ON. COME ON.
RIGHT NOW. COME ON.
SEE? TOLD YOU. ALL WE
HAD TO DO WAS ASK NICE.
YES! YES!
DANNY.
JOEY, PLEASE, DON'T
BOTHER LYING TO ME.
I STUNK.
I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW
THAT MICHELLE IS GONNA BE FINE.
WHAT?!
WELL, SHE WAS SICK,
BUT SHE'S FINE NOW.
THE BABY'S SICK? WHY
DIDN'T YOU SAY SOMETHING?
[HUMMING] SING ALONG, MICHELLE.
♪ AND BEAUTIFUL ♪
♪ AND DE-BOODEY-FUL ♪
♪ LII HII LII-III ♪
MICHELLE, MICHELLE,
DADDY'S HERE.
HI.
JESSE, WHAT'S WRONG WITH HER?
NOTHING. SHE JUST
HAD A LITTLE COLD.
HOW DO YOU KNOW
IT'S A LITTLE COLD?
WELL, SHE HAD A COUGH
AND A RUNNY NOSE,
BUT NO FEVER.
SHE SHOULD HAVE FLUIDS.
DONE. DONE.
WE SHOULD CALL THE DOCTOR.
DONE. DONE.
REALLY? HAS SHE HAD
HER COUGH MEDICINE?
DONE. DONE.
WHOA.
HOW ABOUT CHANGING HER DIAPER?
GOOD NIGHT. GOOD NIGHT.
WELL, THE BABY'S ASLEEP.
HER COLD SOUNDS MUCH BETTER.
YOU GUYS WERE
REALLY GREAT TONIGHT.
YEAH, I FINALLY LEARNED
HOW TO TAKE CARE
OF THE LITTLE KID.
I'LL DRINK TO THAT.
ALL RIGHT.
I CAN'T THANK YOU GUYS ENOUGH.
NO PROBLEM.
I REALLY LOVE THAT
LITTLE... AH-CHOO!
[COUGH COUGH]
GERM-SPREADING PHLEGM FAUCET.
YOU KNOW, WHEN I
CAME HOME TONIGHT,
I WAS SO DOWN.
BUT THEN I HEARD
MICHELLE WAS SICK,
AND IT PUT EVERYTHING
BACK INTO PERSPECTIVE.
I REALIZED WHAT'S
REALLY IMPORTANT
IS MY FAMILY... AND MY FRIENDS.
SO YOU FORGOT ALL ABOUT THAT...
NIGHTMARE OF AN INTERVIEW.
RIGHT UP UNTIL THIS VERY MOMENT
WHEN YOU WERE KIND ENOUGH
TO JUST BRING IT UP AGAIN.
I WAS HORRIBLE!
COME ON, HORRIBLE'S
A PRETTY HARSH WORD.
YOU WERE... WELL,
YOU WERE HORRIBLE.
YEAH, YEAH.
HE WAS HORRIBLE.
ISN'T THIS WHERE YOU GUYS
ARE SUPPOSED TO JUMP
IN WITH A LITTLE PEP TALK?
I DON'T KNOW IF I GOT
ONE IN ME, DANNY. YOU?
A SICK BABY AND A PEP TALK?
WHAT AM I, A SAINT?
AW, COME ON. I'LL
GET YOU STARTED.
HOW ABOUT, UH...
"EVERY CLOUD HAS
A SILVER LINING,"
OR "THE SUN WILL
COME OUT TOMORROW"?
I'M FEELING IT.
PEP IS WELLING UP.
IT'S IN MY STOMACH.
IT'S WORKING ITS WAY NORTH.
IT'S IN MY THROAT, AND... PEP!
DANNY, NOBODY'S
CAREER GOES STRAIGHT UP.
YOU HAD ONE ROUGH NIGHT.
THERE'S ALWAYS
BUMPS ALONG THE WAY.
THIS IS GOOD. DON'T STOP.
THEN DON'T INTERRUPT.
THE KEY, DANNY...
IS TO LEARN FROM ALL
THOSE LITTLE BUMPS
SO THAT YOU'LL BE
BETTER PREPARED
FOR NEXT TIME.
BECAUSE YOU WILL
HAVE OTHER CHANCES.
WHEN?
I NEED A DATE AND A TIME.
SOON.
BECAUSE YOU'RE
GOOD AT WHAT YOU DO.
AND YOU KNOW WHY?
BECAUSE YOU CARE ABOUT MORE THAN
JUST SCORES AND STATS.
YOU CARE ABOUT PEOPLE.
RIGHT, JESS?
YEAH, WHY NOT?
AND IN YOUR OWN UNIQUE WAY,
YOU HELPED THE SANDMAN.
PEOPLE TRUST YOU.
THEY KNOW YOU'RE A GOOD GUY.
RIGHT, JESS?
YEAH, WHY NOT?
THANKS, GUYS.
MY FAVORITE PART
WAS WHEN THE MANAGER
PUNCHED HIM. BLUHH!
RIGHT IN THE STOMACH.
I LOVED IT WHEN HE BROUGHT TEARS
TO THE SANDMAN'S EYES.
THAT WAS NICE. THAT WAS NICE.
BUT THE REPORTERS
OUTSIDE DRILLING HIM...
HE HAD BEADS OF SWEAT
GOING DOWN HIS FACE.
THAT KILLED ME. THAT WAS FUNNY.
THAT WAS GOOD. YOU
KNOW WHAT I LOVED?
WHEN I CLAIMED THERE
WAS NO ONE TO BLAME.
HA HA. I LOVED HOW BAD THAT WAS.
CAPTIONING MADE
POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS.