Full House (1987–1995): Season 1, Episode 2 - Our Very First Night - full transcript

♪ AH, AH, AH, AH ♪

♪ AH ♪

♪ WHATEVER HAPPENED
TO PREDICTABILITY ♪

♪ THE MILKMAN, THE
PAPER BOY, EVENIN' TV? ♪

♪ HOW DID I GET
DELIVERED HERE? ♪

♪ SOMEBODY TELL ME, PLEASE ♪

♪ THIS OLD WORLD'S
CONFUSIN' ME ♪

♪ CLOUDS AS MEAN
AS YOU'VE EVER SEEN ♪

♪ AIN'T A BIRD WHO
KNOWS YOUR TUNE ♪

♪ THEN A LITTLE VOICE
INSIDE YOU WHISPERS ♪

♪ KID, DON'T SELL YOUR
DREAMS SO SOON ♪



♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪

♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪

♪ THERE'S A HEART ♪

♪ THERE'S A HEART ♪

♪ A HAND TO HOLD ONTO ♪

♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪

♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪

♪ THERE'S A FACE ♪

♪ OF SOMEBODY WHO NEEDS YOU ♪

♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪

♪ WHEN YOU'RE LOST OUT THERE ♪

♪ AND YOU'RE ALL ALONE ♪

♪ A LIGHT IS WAITING
TO CARRY YOU HOME ♪

♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪



♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪

CAPTIONING MADE
POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS.

ALL RIGHT.

AND THE DIAPER IS... ON!

BEAUTIFUL! 17 MINUTES.

WE BEAT OUR OLD
RECORD BY 37 MINUTES.

BABY WIPE. BABY WIPE.

OHH... HUP!

PAH!

HOLD IT. I'M ABOUT TO MAKE

A QUANTUM LEAP IN DIAPER THEORY.

GO WITH IT. GO WITH IT.

IF WE TRIPLE THE DIAPER,

WE GET 3 TIMES THE PROTECTION,

BUT WE CHANGE
HER 1/3rd AS OFTEN.

LOVING IT. LOVING IT.

WE PUT 2 DIAPERS TOGETHER,

AND MICHELLE TANNER,
COME ON DOWN!

THE OTHER WAY TO GO
IS TO TIE A HEFTY BAG

AROUND HER WAIST.

THAT WAY, WE'D ONLY HAVE
TO CHANGE HER ON TRASH DAY.

JUNIOR JAMMY TIME.

HUH?

IT'S YOU.

HERE WE GO.

WE PUT THE LEG IN LIKE SO.

WE SIMPLY, UH... WE TIE! WE TIE.

WE SIMPLY TIE LIKE THIS.

VERY NICE.

WHOA. SNAG IN THE PLAN.

I SUGGEST WE GO WITH A
LOVELY 2-PIECE ENSEMBLE

FROM BABY ARMANI.

USING YOUR HEAD,
JOSEPH. USING YOUR HEAD.

ALL RIGHT. HEY!

UM...

HERE WE GO.

OH, YEAH.

OH, YUPPIE BABY!

OH, THIS IS GOOD.

OK, I GOT THE GIRLS
IN... TA-DA! TA-DA!

GENTLEMEN, TARZAN, WHO WAS
RAISED IN THE JUNGLE BY APES,

WENT TO BED IN BETTER
SHAPE THAN THAT BABY.

BIG DEAL. YOU'RE TALKING
ABOUT A GUY WHO WORE DIAPERS

HIS ENTIRE LIFE.

I REALLY APPRECIATE THE EFFORT,

BUT I'LL TAKE IT FROM HERE.

SURE, NOW THAT ALL
THE WORK IS DONE.

GOOD NIGHT, MICHELLE.

[HIGH VOICE] GOOD
NIGHT, UNCLE JESSE.

NEXT TIME YOU SEE ME,

I'LL HAVE A BIG
SURPRISE FOR YOU.

I DON'T CARE HOW
MANY DIAPERS I HAVE ON.

HEE HEE HEE HEE!

GIVE ME MY KID.

AW... YOU REALLY
ARE A GOOD SPORT.

♪ HEY-YA, DOO DOO DOO ♪

♪ BA-DOO, DOO DOO ♪♪

HI, UNCLE JESSE.

HOW YOU DOING, KID?

WHAT HAPPENED TO MY ROOM?

LOOKS PRETTY COOL, HUH?

LOOK, I'M HANGING
ELVIS RIGHT HERE.

OVER MY BUNNIES?

STEF, YOUR BUNNIES
ARE VERY, UH... PINK.

MY MOM MADE THOSE
BUNNIES JUST FOR ME.

DON'T YOU LIKE THEM?

THESE BUNNIES.

I LOVE THESE BUNNIES.

I'M SURE ELVIS HAD BUNNIES

HANGING ALL OVER GRACELAND.

OK, IT'S RIDDLE TIME.

WHAT HAS BLONDE
HAIR, PURPLE PAJAMAS,

AND IS UP WAY
PAST THEIR BEDTIME?

UM... ELVIS?

STEF, THE SANDMAN
EXPRESS IS COMING.

[HARMONICA PLAYS]

ALL ABOARD!

WHOO-WHOO!

YOU SEE THAT?

ANY OF YOUR APE FRIENDS
DO THAT FOR TARZAN?

LAST STOP, STEPHANIE'S BED.

THANK YOU, SANDMAN EXPRESS.

THE SANDMAN EXPRESS
RUNS EVERY NIGHT.

IF I GET ON NOW,

WILL YOU DROP ME AT
THE NEAREST HOTEL?

OK, LET'S SAY GOOD NIGHT.

GOOD NIGHT, JUNIOR BABES.

UNCLE JESSE, TELL
US A BEDTIME STORY.

UNCLE JESSE DOESN'T
KNOW ANY BEDTIME STORIES.

YES, HE DOES.

♪ NO, HE DOESN'T ♪

♪ YES, HE DOES ♪

[STERNLY] NO, HE DOESN'T.

YES, HE DOES!

I'LL MAKE ONE UP!

YAY!

FELLAS, HELP ME OUT HERE.

WE'LL MAKE IT A GAME.

STEF, YOU START THE STORY,
AND YOU GIRLS POINT TO US

WHEN YOU WANT SOMEONE
ELSE TO TAKE OVER.

OK! ONCE UPON A TIME

THERE WAS A PRETTY
GIRL NAMED CINDERELLA.

DADDY!

AND, UH... CINDERELLA
WANTED TO GO

TO THIS BIG FANCY BALL.

AND ON THE WAY,

SHE WANDERED INTO THIS CABIN

AND SHE FELL ASLEEP
IN PAPA BEAR'S BED.

I DON'T THINK SO.

WAIT, HONEY, IT GETS BETTER.

SHE'S ON THE BED,
OUT LIKE A LIGHT,

WHEN ALL OF A
SUDDEN... BUZZ! JOEY.

UM... WHEN CINDERELLA WOKE UP,

SHE WAS REAL THIRSTY,

SO SHE WENT TO
7-ELEVEN FOR A SLURPEE,

WHERE SHE RAN
INTO... BULLWINKLE!

SO BULLWINKLE SAYS,
"HELLO, CINDERELLA."

"WOULD YOU LIKE TO
COME TO THE BALL WITH ME?

"NOT ONLY AM I A GREAT DANCER,

BUT YOU CAN HANG YOUR
COAT ON MY ANTLERS."

KIDS LOVE THIS STUFF. SO...

BUZZ! UNCLE JESSE.

SO, CINDERELLA, BULLWINKLE,

THEY GET MARRIED, RIGHT?

THEY GO ON THE NEWLYWED GAME,

AND THEY WIN A GRAND PRIZE

SELECTED ESPECIALLY
FOR THEM. GOOD NIGHT.

BUZZ! DADDY.

UNTIL... THE BIG BAD
WOLF CAME OVER.

AND HE SAID, "OPEN UP,

"OR I'LL HUFF AND I'LL PUFF

"AND I'LL BLOW YOUR HOUSE DOWN!

"AND I CAN DO IT, TOO,
BECAUSE AS WE ALL KNOW,

WOLVES HAVE AN
AMAZING LUNG CAPACITY."

BUZZ! JOEY.

SO... BUZZ! UNCLE JESSE.

THE WOLF, THE MOOSE, THE BABE...

THEY ALL FELL IN LOVE.

THEY MOVED TO SWEDEN

WHERE PEOPLE ARE COOL
ABOUT THAT SORT OF THING.

AND THAT'S THE END OF THE STORY.

GOOD NIGHT AND GOODBYE.

NO MONSTERS, NO WITCHES,

BUT THAT STORY WAS VERY SCARY.

OK, SWEETHEART.
IT'S TIME TO GO TO BED.

CAN I ASK ONE MORE FAVOR?

SURE, HONEY. WHAT IS IT?

STUDY THESE STORYBOOKS.

WE'LL TALK ABOUT
THEM IN THE MORNING.

OK. WHO WANTS PUDDLEDUCK
AND THE QUACK QUACK GANG?

READ IT. READ IT.

JOEY, DANNY, HOW YOU
GUYS DOING? GOOD NIGHT.

WHOA! HOLD IT, GUYS. RED LIGHT!

THE ONLY WAY THAT 3 ADULTS

CAN LEAVE THE HOUSE
AT THE SAME TIME

IS IF 3 CHILDREN ARE WITH THEM.

2 ADULTS CAN LEAVE.
ONE ADULT CAN LEAVE.

3, 2, OR ONE CHILD CAN LEAVE

WITH ONE TO 3 ADULTS,

BUT 3 ADULTS CAN NEVER LEAVE

WITH LESS THAN 3
CHILDREN, GOT IT?

LOOK, THAT'S ALL FASCINATING,

BUT I'VE GOTTA GET
TO BAND REHEARSAL.

AND I HAVE A 10:30 SLOT
THE LAUGH MACHINE.

I'M DOING THE SPORTS AT 10:00.

I'M SORRY, JESSE.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
I'M SORRY, JESSE?

WHY NOT "I'M SORRY, JOEY"
OR, "I'M SORRY, DANNY"?

BECAUSE I HAVE AN ACTUAL
JOB THAT PAYS MONEY.

AND I BRING THE GIFT OF
LAUGHTER INTO THE WORLD. AT 10:30.

YES, WELL I MAKE MUSIC...

SONGS THAT TOUCH
PEOPLE'S HEARTS,

THAT PENETRATE THEIR VERY SOULS.

HOW CAN YOU COMPARE
THAT TO TELLING...

JOKES?

ARE YOU SERIOUSLY
TRYING TO TELL ME

THAT MUSIC IS MORE
IMPORTANT THAN COMEDY?

YOU GOT IT, PAL.

2 WORDS... OZZY OSBOURNE.

2 MORE WORDS... RIP TAYLOR.

THE PARTRIDGE FAMILY.

ANYONE ON HEE HAW.

CHARO.

BOZO.

HEY, BOZO DID SOME
BRILLIANT WORK.

RIGHT. THE EARLY BOZO WAS GOOD.

I'M SORRY.

WE'LL SETTLE THIS THE
ONLY TRULY FAIR WAY.

READY? GO!

ONCE AGAIN, COMEDY
KICKS MUSIC'S BUTT!

I'M SORRY, MAN.

ALL 3 GIRLS ARE
SLEEPING LIKE ANGELS.

I KNOW I CAN TRUST YOU.

YEAH. GO LIVE YOUR LIFE.

HEY, BABE, IT'S FINE.

I'LL JUST GIVE UP MY DREAMS

TO BE A SUCCESS IN
THE MUSIC BUSINESS.

I'LL STAY AND READ HUNNY-BUNNY
IN THE WEE LITTLE GLEN.

I COULDN'T PUT IT DOWN.

GET OUT OF HERE.

HI, UNCLE JESSE.

HI, GIRLS.

GIRLS! YOU'RE
SUPPOSED TO BE IN BED!

HEY, GIRLS! WHOA!

WHOA! WHOA! WHOA! WHOA!

GIRLS, GIRLS! AREN'T YOU
SUPPOSED TO BE IN BED

DREAMING ABOUT TWEETY BIRD

OR BIG BIRD OR LARRY
BIRD OR SOMETHING?

IF WE GET HUNGRY,

DAD ALWAYS MAKES SURE
WE HAVE A LATE-NIGHT SNACK.

WE'RE GONNA HAVE ICE CREAM
SUNDAES AND CHOCOLATE MILK.

AND COOKIES!

FREEZE, CHICK!

ALL RIGHT, I KNOW.

I'M PRETTY HIP HERE.

YOU GUYS THINK I'M AN
IDIOT OR SOMETHING?

LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING. I
KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON HERE.

YOUR DAD'S GONE AND IT'S "LET'S TAKE
ADVANTAGE OF THE BABY-SITTER" TIME.

I GOT NEWS FOR YOU, GIRLS.

YOUR UNCLE JESSE'S
A LITTLE TOO SHARP

TO BE TAKEN ON THAT KINDA RIDE.

YOU CAN HAVE ICE CREAM AND
CHOCOLATE MILK. NO COOKIES.

YAY!

OK.

♪ Z, MY NAME IS ZIPPY ♪

♪ AND MY HUSBAND'S
NAME IS ZORRO ♪

♪ WE COME FROM SAN FRANCISCO ♪

♪ WITH A CARLOAD OF ZEBRAS ♪

♪ A, MY NAME IS ALICE... ♪♪

THAT'S ENOUGH JUMP ROPE.

LET'S DO THE HAND-JIVE.

OK, BUT I CAN'T STOP JUMPING.

I MAY NEVER SLEEP AGAIN.

THANKS.

2 BOWLS OF ICE CREAM

SURE GIVES YOU
A LOT OF PEP, HUH?

DOES PEP MEAN YOU CAN'T BLINK?

THAT'S PEP.

[PIANO TUNES]

PARTY TIME!

WHOA! WHOA! WHOA! WHOA!

WHOA! WHOA! WHOA! WHOA!

GUYS, I GOT 3 LITTLE GIRLS
UPSTAIRS, SOUND ASLEEP.

STICKS.

LICORICE.

ALL RIGHT.

HERE WE GO. JUMPING
JACK FLASH IN "B."

READY? 1... 2... 3... GO!

[PLAYING UNAMPLIFIED MUSIC]

♪ I was born ♪

♪ in a cross-fire hurricane... ♪

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

SOMEONE OUT OF TUNE?

DO YOU GUYS KNOW
ANY BANGLES STUFF?

WHOA! WHOA! GIRLS!

YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE IN BED!

WHAT WOULD YOUR
DAD SAY ABOUT THIS?

HE WOULDN'T MIND.

HE'D SAY WE'RE LUCKY
TO HAVE A CHANCE

TO LISTEN TO THE GREATEST
ROCK BAND IN THE WORLD.

PUT IT THAT WAY, OK.

GREAT HAIR! COULD YOU
SHOW ME HOW TO DO THAT?

SURE. IT'S EASY. IT SPRAYS ON.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

THAT'S FOR ME.

WHOA!

I'LL BET MY DAD
FORGOT TO TELL YOU

ABOUT OUR 11:00 PIZZA.

HI. HOW MUCH?

11.50.

DID THE CHEESE SLIDE OFF

OR STICK TO THE BOX?

NO.

KEEP IT.

HEY, DO YOU MIND IF I
CHECK OUT THE BAND?

COME IN. OPEN PARTY.

ALL RIGHT, GIRLS, LISTEN.

IT'S ALMOST MIDNIGHT.

YOU LISTEN TO 2, 3
SONGS MAX, EAT YOUR PIE,

THEN STRAIGHT TO
BED, NO NONSENSE.

BOY, ARE YOU STRICT!

ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO!

♪ LITTLE SISTER, DON'T YOU RUN ♪

♪ LITTLE SISTER, DON'T YOU RUN ♪

♪ LITTLE SISTER, DON'T YOU
KISS ME ONCE OR TWICE ♪

♪ AND SAY IT'S VERY NICE ♪

♪ AND THEN YOU RUN ♪

♪ YEAH ♪

♪ LITTLE SISTER, DON'T YOU DO ♪

♪ WHAT YOUR BIG SISTER DONE ♪♪

CONGA!

BOY, ARE YOU GOING TO GET IT.

ATTENTION, SOLID GOLD FARM TEAM.

IT'S 12:15, AND YOUR
HAIR IS PURPLE.

GET DOWN, AND I
DON'T MEAN GET FUNKY.

BOYS, BOYS... BOYS.

WALK WITH ME.

TALK WITH ME.

HOW COULD YOU
POSSIBLY LET THIS HAPPEN?

HOLD IT. ON BEHALF OF JOEY,

I'D JUST LIKE TO SAY
THAT JOEY IS INNOCENT.

WELL, IT'S TRUE I WAS DOING A
CONGA WHEN YOU WALKED IN,

BUT I CONGA A LOT.

[SIGHS] MY NAME IS JOEY,
AND I'M A CONGAHOLIC.

WELL, IT'S WAY PAST OUR BEDTIME.

COME ON, STEF. GOOD
NIGHT, EVERYBODY.

GIRLS, GET BACK OVER HERE!

YOU'RE IN JUST AS MUCH
TROUBLE AS THEY ARE.

DAD, I KNOW WE'RE
SUPPOSED TO BE...

D.J., HANG ON A SECOND.

UM... IT'S NOT THE
GIRLS' FAULT. IT'S MINE.

I INVITED THE BAND OVER.

I WOKE THE GIRLS UP.

I ORDERED PIZZA.

I WAS THROWING A PARTY.

I NEEDED CHICKS.

[BABY CRIES]

BABY ALERT! BABY ALERT!

YOU GIRLS GET RIGHT IN BED.

YOU GUYS FOLLOW ME.

AND IF THAT BABY'S
HAIR IS PURPLE...

YOU WERE IRRESPONSIBLE.
YOU WERE UNRELIABLE.

I'LL GET BACK TO YOU.

OH, MICHELLE.
AW, HONEY, IT'S OK.

DADDY'S HERE.

I SEE WHAT THIS IS.

MICHELLE'S GETTING A NEW TOOTH.

THAT REALLY HURTS.

I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT.

POOR BABY.

IMAGINE A SHARP, POINTY,
CALCIFIED PROJECTILE

RIPPING AND KNIFING ITS WAY

THROUGH YOUR SOFT,
TENDER, INFLAMED GUM TISSUES.

I SAY WE BUY HER A PONY.

SOMETIMES A TEETHING RING HELPS.

HERE, MICHELLE. HERE YOU GO.

HERE, HONEY.

SHE LOVES IT.

IS THIS LIKE CATCHING
THE BOUQUET?

AM I THE NEXT ONE
TO HAVE A BABY?

WAAH!

ALL RIGHT, EXCUSE ME, FELLAS.

LET THE PRO IN. I'LL
SHOW YOU HOW IT'S DONE.

ALL RIGHT, LITTLE MUNCHKIN,
WHERE DOES IT HURT?

GIVE MY FINGER BACK, KID.

WAAH!

WELL, YOUR BRAIN'S
NOT WORKING TONIGHT,

BUT YOUR FINGER'S DOING GREAT.

JOEY, DO ME A FAVOR.

I PUT ONE OF MICHELLE'S
TEETHING RINGS IN THE FREEZER.

I'D LIKE A WORD ALONE WITH
THE ALLEGED BABYSITTER.

JESSE, I GUESS IT'S A BAD TIME

TO ASK FOR THAT GIRL
SINGER'S PHONE NUMBER.

GET OUT!

WELL, WELL, WELL,
WELL, WELL, WELL, WELL.

WHAT? WHAT, WHAT,
WHAT, WHAT, WHAT, WHAT?

SHAME, SHAME, SHAME,
SHAME, SHAME, SHAME, SHAME.

I FEEL LIKE I'M BEING CHEWED
OUT IN THE GRAND CANYON.

I SUPPOSE I SHOULD BE HAPPY
THE HOUSE IS STILL STANDING.

I MUST HAVE BEEN CRAZY TO THINK

THAT YOU WERE ADULT ENOUGH
TO TAKE CARE OF MY KIDS.

YOU REALLY LET ME DOWN.

WAIT A MINUTE! WHERE YOU GOING?

OH, I THOUGHT I'D CALL
UP THE BEASTIE BOYS

AND ASK THEM IF THEY WANT TO TAKE
THE GIRLS TO THE PARK TOMORROW.

YOU LOVE THIS, DON'T YOU?

UNCLE JESSE'S THE BEST
BABYSITTER WE EVER HAD.

YEAH, BUT I THINK
HE'S IN BIG TROUBLE.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

GET INTO BED.

NO, NO. YOUR BED!

[SNORES]

GIRLS?

ARE YOU AWAKE?

DAD, IS THAT YOU?

IS IT MORNING?

D.J., STEPHANIE, PLEASE
COME OVER HERE RIGHT NOW.

GIRLS, WE HAVE A
PROBLEM WITH UNCLE JESSE.

OH, NO, DAD, WE DIDN'T HAVE
ANY PROBLEMS WITH UNCLE JESSE.

I'M SORRY.

HE WAS JUST SO IRRESPONSIBLE.

WHAT IS THIS?

UH-OH. EMPTY BOWLS
AND EMPTY CARTONS.

OH, NOW I SEE WHAT HAPPENED.

UNCLE JESSE FORCED
ICE CREAM SUNDAES

AND CHOCOLATE MILK
DOWN YOUR THROATS,

THEN HID THE EVIDENCE
UNDER YOUR TABLE.

AH, THE SICK FIEND.

HE PROBABLY IGNORED YOU

WHEN YOU TOLD HIM NO
SWEETS AFTER BEDTIME.

PROBABLY.

NO PROBABLY ABOUT IT

BECAUSE OTHERWISE
YOU'D BE LYING.

YOU KNOW BETTER
THAN THAT, DON'T YOU?

PROBABLY.

WELL, THAT DOES IT.

I GUESS ASKING UNCLE JESSE

TO MOVE IN HERE WAS
JUST A BIG MISTAKE.

IN FACT, THIS MAY BE A
MATTER FOR THE POLICE.

NOW, SWEET DREAMS, MY
PERFECT LITTLE ANGELS.

DADDY! DAD!

WE WERE BAD.

WE DID EVERYTHING.

WE EVEN ORDERED THE PIZZA.

WE SHOULD ALL GO
APOLOGIZE TO UNCLE JESSE.

YOU'RE RIGHT.

YOU GO FIRST.

ARE YOU GONNA PUNISH US?

BEFORE YOU ANSWER THAT...

WE SAVED YOU A SLICE OF PIZZA.

[BABY TALKING]

GOOD POINT, MICHELLE.

THE THING I WONDER IS...
WHAT'S LIFE ALL ABOUT ANYWAY?

I MEAN, 24 HOURS AGO, I
WAS A RELATIVELY COOL GUY.

TODAY I'M A 6-FOOT
TEETHING RING.

ALL RIGHT, BED TIME.
WE'RE GOIN' TO MY BED.

COME WITH ME. COME ON. LET'S GO.

OK, HANG ON. I'LL PUT IT BACK.

THERE YOU GO.

UNCLE JESSE.

WHATEVER IT IS,
THE ANSWER IS NO.

WE JUST WANTED TO SAY THANKS

FOR TRYING TO KEEP
US OUT OF TROUBLE.

THE ONLY REASON WE
TOOK ADVANTAGE OF YOU

IS BECAUSE YOU HAD NO
IDEA WHAT YOU WERE DOING.

FROM NOW ON, WE'LL BE GOOD

AND DO WHATEVER YOU SAY.

STEF, DON'T GET CRAZY.

WE'LL TRY TO DO BETTER.

YOU CAN COVER UP MY
BUNNIES IF YOU WANT.

THAT'S ALL RIGHT.

YOUR BUNNIES ARE
STARTING TO GROW ON ME.

WE REALLY LOVE YOU.

I LOVE YOU GIRLS, TOO.

NEXT TIME YOU PULL
THAT STUFF ON ME...

I'M STILL GOING TO LOVE YOU.

AWW! OK, NOW EITHER YOU
GIRLS GO TO BED FOR REAL,

OR I'M TAKING EVERYTHING
OUT OF YOUR ROOM

AND TURNING IT INTO
A 24-HOUR MINIMART.

GOOD NIGHT, EVERYBODY.

GOOD NIGHT, DADDY,
GOOD NIGHT, MICHELLE,

GOOD NIGHT, UNCLE JESSE.

HI.

HI.

WANT A SLICE OF PIZZA?

NO. ME AND THE LITTLE LEECH
ARE GONNA TRY TO GET SOME SLEEP.

I COULDN'T FIND
MICHELLE'S TEETHING RING,

SO I GOT THE NEXT BEST
THING... AN ICE COLD CARROT.

I COULD HAVE BROUGHT
THE FISH STICKS,

BUT YOU GUYS WOULD
HAVE THOUGHT I WAS AN IDIOT.

LOOK, JESSE...

I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT
WAS REALLY NICE OF YOU

TO TAKE THE RAP FOR
D.J. AND STEPHANIE.

I'M REAL SORRY I GOT
SO CRAZY BEFORE,

WALKING AROUND YOU
GOING, "WELL, WELL, WELL."

IT'S COOL, COOL, COOL.

THE GIRLS JUST
MEAN SO MUCH TO ME,

ESPECIALLY NOW, YOU
KNOW, SINCE PAM'S GONE.

I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SAYING, MAN.

I WORRY ABOUT THEM,
TOO. THEY'RE MY NIECES,

BUT I DON'T KNOW NOTHING
ABOUT THIS KID STUFF.

I KNOW, BUT YOU GUYS
GOT TO REMEMBER,

DON'T BE AFRAID TO SAY NO.

KIDS NEED LIMITS.

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO
KNOW? I BEEN HERE 12 HOURS,

YOU EXPECT ME TO
BE ROBERT YOUNG.

NOW, WAIT, I'M CONFUSED.

IS IT ROBERT YOUNG
FROM FATHER KNOWS BEST

OR ROBERT YOUNG, DR. WELBY?

THIS IS GOING TO TAKE SOME TIME,

BUT WE CAN MAKE THIS
WORK IF WE WANT IT TO WORK.

JESSE, YOU DO WANT
THIS TO WORK, DON'T YOU?

AT FIRST I WASN'T SURE,

BUT WHEN I SAW
THAT KID TELLING ME

I COULD COVER HER BUNNIES UP...

AND I WAS LOOKING
AT THAT LITTLE BABY

COUNTING ON ME TO STOP
HER FROM BEING IN PAIN,

I GOT ALL WARM AND
TINGLY... SOMEBODY STOP ME.

YOU KNOW, I'M JUST
HAPPY TO BE HERE.

I WAS AN ONLY CHILD.

ALL I HAD WAS IMAGINARY
BROTHERS AND SISTERS.

IT FEELS GREAT TO
BE IN A REAL HOUSE

WITH REAL PEOPLE, RIGHT, LEON?

GIVE ME MY KID.

OK, MICHELLE.

IT'S TIME TO GO TO BED.

YEAH.

♪ LULLABY ♪

♪ AND GOOD NIGHT ♪

♪ AND THERE'S MORE
WORDS I'M NOT SURE OF ♪

CONGA!

♪ DA, DA, DA, DA, DA, DAA ♪

♪ DA, DA, DA, DA, DA, DAA ♪

♪ DA, DA, DA, DA, DA, DAA ♪

WHAT THE HELL?

♪ DA, DA, DA, DA, DA, DAA ♪

COME ON, LEON.

CAPTIONING MADE
POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS.