Full House (1987–1995): Season 1, Episode 14 - Half a Love Story - full transcript

CAPTIONING MADE
POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS.

♪ WHATEVER HAPPENED
TO PREDICTABILITY ♪

♪ THE MILKMAN, THE
PAPER BOY, EVENING TV ♪

♪ HOW DID I GET DELIVERED HERE ♪

♪ SOMEBODY TELL ME, PLEASE ♪

♪ THIS OLD WORLD'S
CONFUSING ME ♪

♪ CLOUDS AS MEAN
AS YOU'VE EVER SEEN ♪

♪ THERE AIN'T A BIRD
WHO KNOWS YOUR TUNE ♪

♪ THEN A LITTLE VOICE
INSIDE YOU WHISPERS ♪

♪ KID, DON'T SELL YOUR
DREAMS SO SOON ♪

♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK,
EVERYWHERE YOU ARE ♪



♪ THERE'S A HEART,
THERE'S A HEART ♪

♪ A HAND TO HOLD ON TO ♪

♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪

♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪

♪ THERE'S A FACE ♪

♪ OF SOMEBODY WHO NEEDS YOU ♪

♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪

♪ WHEN YOU'RE LOST OUT THERE ♪

♪ AND YOU'RE ALL ALONE ♪

♪ A LIGHT IS WAITING
TO CARRY YOU HOME ♪

♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪

♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪

♪ SHOOBY DOO BAH BAH DAH ♪

CHANNEL 8 ACTION NEWS
AT 4:00 WILL BE RIGHT BACK



WITH DANNY TANNER
AND ALL THE SPORTS.

YOU'LL SEE GRUNTING,
YOU'LL SEE SWEAT,

AND WHEN I'M DONE DOING THAT,

I'LL READ THE SCORES.

WE'VE GONE TO COMMERCIAL.

GREAT. THANK YOU, DERRICK.

ROBIN! HI! HOW'D
YOUR INTERVIEW GO?

WAIT. DON'T TELL ME.
MR. MORTON LOVED YOU,

AND YOU'RE OUR
NEW FIELD REPORTER.

AND IF YOU ARE,

ARE YOU MAKING
MORE MONEY THAN ME?

YEAH, RIGHT.

MY FIRST REPORTING JOB,
MAKING MORE MONEY THAN YOU?

I HAVEN'T EVEN MET
MR. MORTON YET.

HE'S STILL AT LUNCH.

HE IS GONNA LOVE YOU.

IT'LL BE SO GREAT
TO HAVE YOU HERE...

UNLESS YOU MAKE
MORE MONEY THAN ME.

TANNER... WARRIORS
JUST MADE A TRADE.

I'LL BE RIGHT THERE.

LET'S MOVE IT!

IN A SECOND, DERRICK.

WHY DON'T YOU COME
OVER FOR DINNER TONIGHT?

SOUNDS GREAT. I'LL CHECK
INTO MY HOTEL AND BE RIGHT...

HOTEL? FOR MY OLD
PAL ROBIN? UH-UH.

YOU'RE CHECKING IN
AT THE TANNER HILTON.

I'LL PUT A NEW PAPER
STRIP OVER THE TOILET.

YOU'LL BE ALL SET.

TANNER, MOVE, MOVE, MOVE!

DERRICK, DO YOU NEED
ME FOR SOMETHING?

HAVE MERCY...
MICHELLE, LOOK AT HER.

SHE'S BEAUTIFUL.

ALL RIGHT, KID. DO YOUR THING.

ALL RIGHT, MICHELLE...
BEAM HER IN.

SHE IS SO ADORABLE.

HERE SHE COMES, MICHELLE.

YOU'RE BETTER THAN A FERRARI.

HI, THERE, LITTLE ANGEL.

HELLO.

HELLO.

OH, I WAS JUST
THINKING THAT THIS

HAS GOT TO BE THE CUTEST

LITTLE BABY I'VE EVER SEEN.

OH, YOU THINK SHE'S
CUTE NOW? WATCH THIS...

[BLOWS RASPBERRIES]

GO AHEAD. TRY IT.

ARE YOU SURE? YEAH, GO.

OK.

[BLOWS RASPBERRIES]

MY NIECE MICHELLE
REALLY LIKES YOU.

IT'S A PLEASURE TO
MEET... YOU, MICHELLE.

I'M ROBIN WINSLOW.

MICHELLE WANTS YOU TO KNOW
THAT MY NAME'S JESSE COCHRAN.

WHAT, MICHELLE?

EXCUSE ME A SEC.

I KNOW THIS IS KIND
OF EMBARRASSING

AND WE JUST MET AND
ALL, BUT MICHELLE THINKS

THAT THE THREE OF US ARE
HAVING SUCH A GOOD TIME,

THAT MAYBE THE THREE OF
US SHOULD GET TOGETHER

FOR A ROMANTIC EVENING
OF DINNER AND DANCING.

OH. WELL, LISTEN,

I'VE GOT TO GET
SETTLED IN TONIGHT,

BUT IF TOMORROW NIGHT'S GOOD,

HOW ABOUT MAYBE THE THREE OF US

MEETING HERE AROUND 6:00?

DARN. DARN?

MICHELLE'S GOT TICKETS

TO THE OPERA TOMORROW NIGHT.

BUT I SUPPOSE YOU AND
I COULD STILL GO OUT.

WELL, I DON'T KNOW.

ONLY IF IT'S ALL
RIGHT WITH MICHELLE.

OH, IT'S FI... LET ME
ASK. IS IT OK, MICHELLE?

IS IT OK?

MICHELLE SAYS IT'S OK.

SO SHOULD WE
SEAL IT WITH A KISS?

FOR MICHELLE, OF COURSE.

OF COURSE.

MICHELLE, GIVE HER A KISS.

MICHELLE THINKS YOU
HAVE BEAUTIFUL EYES.

I THINK MICHELLE'S
BEEN HANGING AROUND

TOO MANY SINGLES BARS.

BYE, MICHELLE.

BYE, JESSE.

AH HA HA HA! WHAT A TEAM.

STAND BY! ON THE
AIR IN 15 SECONDS!

DANNY, LISTEN. I'VE GOT
AN AUDITION FOR A BIG GIG

AND JOEY'S RUNNING
THE GIRLS AROUND TOWN,

SO YOU HAVE TO TAKE MICHELLE.

YEAH, BUT I...

NOW, HERE WITH ALL THE SPORTS,

OUR VERY OWN DANNY TANNER.

HELLO.

I'D LIKE TO INTRODUCE
A NEW ADDITION

TO THE SPORTS SEGMENT.

MY DAUGHTER, MICHELLE,

MICHELLE IS HERE TO PICK
TONIGHT'S NBA WINNERS.

OK, HONEY, WHO DO
YOU THINK IS GONNA WIN?

DO YOU THINK THE WARRIORS

CAN BEAT THE NUGGETS TONIGHT?

YES, MICHELLE
PICKS THE WARRIORS.

BY HOW MANY POINTS,
HONEY? 5 POINTS.

YES. SEE THAT? 1 POINT, MAYBE.

1 POINT.

5 POINTS.

THANK YOU, MICHELLE THE GREEK.

D.J., I REMEMBER YOU
WHEN YOU WERE THAT BIG.

DO YOU REMEMBER ME AT ALL?

SURE, I DO. YOU'RE
THE ONE WHO...

LOOKED LIKE YOU.

RIGHT. HA HA HA!

IT'S OK, DEEJ. YOU WERE ONLY 5.

I'M ONLY 5. DOES THAT MEAN

I'M GONNA FORGET ALL THIS?

PROBABLY.

I SHOULD BE TAKING NOTES.

[RICE SIZZLES]

NOW, MICHELLE, IF
ANYONE ASKS YOU,

I MADE THIS DINNER
COMPLETELY BY MYSELF.

YOU NEVER SAW THESE
TAKE-OUT CARTONS.

BUT I SEE THEM.

HA HA HA! HI.

JOEY, JOEY, JOEY...

STEPH, I'M TIRED OF
GETTING A HARD TIME

BECAUSE I'M NOT THE
WORLD'S GREATEST COOK.

DON'T WORRY, JOEY.

I'M NOT THE GREATEST ANYTHING.

NOW, THAT IS NOT TRUE.

YOU ARE THE WORLD'S
GREATEST STEPHANIE,

AND THAT'S A LOT.

THANKS, JOEY.

AND DON'T WORRY,
I'LL KEEP YOUR SECRET.

BUT WATCH HER...
SHE'S A BLABBERMOUTH.

OK. WHY DON'T YOU
GO TELL EVERYONE

I'M ALMOST THROUGH COOKING.

OK. ALL RIGHT. THANK YOU.

I'LL JUST GET RID
OF THE EVIDENCE.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

HI, JOEY.

HI, JILL. YEAH. I AM JUST
COOKING UP A STORM HERE.

IS JESSE HOME YET?

JILL, ARE YOU
DATING JESSE AGAIN?

YEAH, WELL, WE
NEVER REALLY STOPPED.

SEE, IF WE DON'T HAVE A DATE

WITH ANYBODY ELSE, WE SORT OF

DATE WITH EACH OTHER.

UNBELIEVABLE.

EVEN WHEN HE DOESN'T
HAVE A DATE, HE HAS A DATE.

GO ON. GET OUT OF HERE.

HELLO, EVERYBODY.

JESSE.

ROBIN, I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET
MY BROTHER-IN-LAW, JESSE.

JESSE, THIS IS ROBIN.

SHE WAS A NEWSWRITER
AT MY FIRST STATION.

HELLO.

HI.

HI.

HI.

ANY DAY NOW, THEY'LL
GET TO "NICE TO MEET YOU."

WE'RE GOING OUT TOMORROW, RIGHT?

ABSOLUTELY.

BOY, DOES HE WORK FAST.

WE MET AT THE STATION.

OH. JESSE, I HOPE
YOU DON'T MIND,

BUT I INVITED ROBIN TO
STAY HERE THIS WEEKEND,

AND I THOUGHT SHE
COULD STAY IN YOUR ROOM.

GOD BLESS YOU.

OF COURSE, THAT MEANS
YOU'LL BE MOVING IN WITH...

NO, NO, NO, NO. DON'T SAY IT.

PLEASE DON'T SAY THE "J" WORD.

DING DING DING DING
DING DING! COME ON!

SOUP'S ON! HEY, PLENTY
OF GRUB FOR EVERYBODY!

HYAH! KEEP THEM DOGIES ROLLING!

GO ON, GRAB A BEEF
HOOF, DANNY! GO ON, HYAH!

HI, ROOMIE!

HI, JESSE!

HI, JILL.

HI, JILL? HI, JILL!

OH, YOU DIDN'T FORGET

ABOUT OUR DATE TONIGHT, DID YOU?

UH... NO. NO, OF COURSE NOT.

WE'RE GOING RIGHT NOW.

LET'S GO GET SOMETHING
TO EAT, SHALL WE?

WAIT. DON'T GO. I SPENT HOURS

COOKING A DELICIOUS
CHINESE MEAL.

YUM! I LOVE CHINESE!

I BETTER CHECK ON MY EGG ROLLS.

YOU BETTER PROTECT
YOUR EGG ROLLS.

HAVE A SEAT, ROOMIE!

SO, ROBIN, THIS
IS MY FRIEND JILL.

JILL, THIS IS MY
OTHER FRIEND ROBIN.

YES, FRIENDS MEETING FRIENDS,

HAVING A NICE, FRIENDLY DINNER

OF FRIENDSHIP, IF YOU WILL.

JILL AND I HAVE ALREADY MET,

BUT IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU AGAIN.

IN FACT, JILL WAS TELLING ME

THAT YOU TWO HAVE
A DATE TONIGHT.

YEAH, CAN YOU BELIEVE
HE GOT OFF THIS CHEAP?

BUT HE'S SO CUTE. HOW
COULD YOU NOT LOVE HIM?

SO, LET'S SEE WHAT
JOSEPH'S COOKED UP

FOR US TONIGHT, SHALL
WE? OH, LOOK AT THIS FOOD.

IT SMELLS GREAT. MMM.

MMM. IT'S GOOD.

THANK YOU. I GUESS
THAT'S THE LAST WE'LL HEAR

ABOUT JOEY BEING A BAD COOK.

YOU KNOW, IT TASTES A
LITTLE LIKE THE LO MEIN

AT UNCLE WU'S CHINESE PALACE.

MM-HMM. IT DOES.

EXCEPT IT'S MUCH BETTER.

THANK YOU, STEPHANIE.

SO SWEETIE, WHAT MOVIE
SHOULD WE SEE TONIGHT?

UH... WE'LL DECIDE ON THE WAY.

SO, D.J., HOW WAS
YOUR DAY AT SCHOOL?

FINE.

UH... STEPH, HOW WAS
YOUR DAY AT SCHOOL TODAY?

FINE.

NORMALLY, YOU
CAN'T SHUT THEM UP.

DANIEL, YOU HAVE
AN EXCITING CAREER.

HOW WAS YOUR DAY AT WORK TODAY?

FINE.

MMM, THIS FOOD IS YUM.

YOU KNOW, JESSE AND I MET
IN A CHINESE RESTAURANT.

I DON'T THINK THEY WANT
TO HEAR ABOUT THAT, JILL.

OH, I'D LOVE TO.

NOW SHE TALKS.

WELL, JESSE CAME IN

TO PICK UP A TAKE-OUT
ORDER WITH BABY MICHELLE.

THERE'S SOMETHING
ABOUT A MAN WITH A BABY

THAT'S SO... SEXY AND
SO HARD TO RESIST.

OH... IT'S BECOMING EASIER.

YOU USE MY BABY TO MEET WOMEN?

MICHELLE, TOMORROW

YOU'RE COMING WITH
ME TO THE MARKET.

ONCE JESSE GOT ME TO
KISS THE BABY, I WAS HOOKED.

REALLY? DID YOU BLOW
ON HER TUMMY, TOO?

YEAH, THE FIRST TIME I MET HER.

HOW DID YOU KNOW?

JUST SOME CRAZY HUNCH.

UNCLE JESSE, IS THE
FOOD TOO SPICY FOR YOU?

NO, WHY?

BECAUSE YOU'RE SWEATING BULLETS.

AND TURNING TO LOCAL NEWS,

SUBSTANTIAL RAINFALL AT
KEY NORTHERN WATERSHEDS

HAS ELIMINATED THE...
HELLO, HELLO, HELLO.

HOPE I'M NOT
INTERRUPTING ANYTHING.

OH, NOT AT ALL. ROBIN AND I WERE

JUST WORKING ON
HER AUDITION PIECE.

GREAT. LISTEN, THIS WILL

JUST TAKE A FEW MINUTES.

I NEED TO TALK TO
ROBIN PRIVATELY, PLEASE.

SOUNDS LIKE MY CUE.

UH, NO, DANNY, DON'T GO.

JESSE, IF THIS IS ABOUT JILL,

THERE'S NOTHING TO EXPLAIN.

YES, THERE IS. I
WANT YOU TO KNOW

THAT THERE'S NOTHING BETWEEN US.

JESSE, WE JUST MET!

THERE IS NO REASON IN THE WORLD

WHY YOU SHOULD FEEL BAD
ABOUT HAVING A DATE TONIGHT.

GREAT. SO WE'RE STILL
GOING OUT TOMORROW NIGHT?

WELL, YOU KNOW, I'VE
BEEN THINKING ABOUT THIS,

AND IT'S PROBABLY
NOT A GOOD IDEA.

I SHOULD BE FOCUSING
ON MY CAREER.

DID I HEAR YOU SAY

YOU'RE BREAKING OUR DATE?

DID I JUST HEAR MICHELLE?

DANNY, DON'T GO. YES, JESSE.

I'M SORRY, BUT I AM.
I'M BREAKING OUR DATE.

NO. YES.

NO.

YES.

JESSE, SHE'S BREAKING THE DATE.

NO.

YES. YES.

THE TRUTH IS, SEEING
YOU AND JILL TOGETHER,

IT MADE ME REALIZE I'VE
BEEN OUT WITH YOU BEFORE.

NOT IN THIS LIFE.

OH, I... IN A PAST LIFE.

WE DOUBLED WITH SHIRLEY MACLAINE

AND KING TUT, RIGHT?

OK, THAT WAS VERY CUTE.

SEE, I'M CUTE. YOU
THINK I'M CUTE NOW,

I AM ADORABLE ON
A DATE. TELL HER.

HE'S A FOX.

WHAT I MEANT IS,
I'VE BEEN OUT WITH...

YOUR TYPE BEFORE,

AND IT ALWAYS GETS
ME INTO TROUBLE, JESSE.

OH, I'M A TYPE!

I'M SURE THERE'S
SOMEPLACE ELSE I HAVE TO BE.

SIT DOWN!

YOU DON'T WANT TO MISS THIS.

SHE'S ABOUT TO TELL
ME ABOUT MY TYPE.

GO AHEAD, GO AHEAD. TYPE AWAY.

ALL RIGHT.

I'LL TELL YOU EXACTLY
WHAT YOUR TYPE IS.

YOU'RE THE GUITAR-PLAYING,
LEATHER-WEARING,

ELVIS-LOVING, MOTORCYCLE-RIDING,

GIRL-CHASING, BLOW-DRYING,

BABY-TOTING TOUGH-GUY
TYPE. HOW'S THAT?

LUCKY GUESS.

BUT YOU GOT ME.

YEAH.

YOU GOT ME ON THAT
ONE. ROBIN, SIT DOWN.

SEE, I'M OTHER TYPES,
TOO. I'M THE ROMANTIC TYPE.

I'M THE COMPASSIONATE TYPE.

I'M THE TYPE THAT'S
ATTRACTED TO YOUR TYPE.

REALLY?

IS ANYONE AWARE OF THE
FACT THAT I'M STILL IN THE ROOM?

EXCUSE ME.

DANNY, DON'T YOU DARE LEAVE NOW!

JESSE, THERE'S ONE MORE THING

ABOUT YOUR TYPE.
I WILL TAKE BETS

THAT YOU HAVE NOT
HAD A RELATIONSHIP

LAST FOR MORE THAN 3 MONTHS.

AM I RIGHT OR AM I RIGHT?

WRONG! WRONG?

WRONG. I WAS MADLY IN LOVE

WITH THIS GIRL
NAMED SHARON... UH...

SHARON... EDWARDS.

EDWARDS. SHARON EDWARDS.

I WAS MADLY IN LOVE
WITH SHARON EDWARDS

FOR 4 BEAUTIFUL MONTHS.

I REMEMBER HER. DIDN'T SHE SPEND

TWO OF THOSE BEAUTIFUL
MONTHS IN EUROPE?

GET OUT. GET OUT.
GET OUT OF HERE!

YES, I CAN LEAVE NOW.
I'M OFF NOW TO PATCH UP

THAT PESKY IRAN-IRAQ SQUABBLE.

[SIGHS]

THE TRUTH?

I'M AFRAID OF
GETTING HURT AGAIN.

GUYS LIKE YOU AND I,
WE NEVER WORK OUT

BECAUSE WE'RE TOTALLY
DIFFERENT PEOPLE.

YES, BUT ROBIN, THAT'S
THE EXCITING PART.

THAT'S THE BEAUTY OF THIS THING.

WE'RE LIKE FIRE
AND ICE, YOU AND ME.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU
GET WITH FIRE AND ICE?

YEAH, STEAM.

A PUDDLE! GOOD NIGHT, JESSE.

OH, THAT'S IT. I'M NOT
TAKING NO FOR AN ANSWER.

I'M NOT GOING OUT
WITH YOU. GOOD NIGHT.

BUT THANK YOU VERY MUCH

FOR LETTING ME USE YOUR ROOM.

YOU'RE KICKING ME
OUT OF MY OWN ROOM.

I'M KICKING YOU OUT
OF YOUR OWN ROOM.

OH, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. THANKS.

AND DON'T TOUCH
ANY OF MY RECORDS!

HI.

WE WERE JUST, UH...

TALKING AND...

OH, IT'S NONE OF OUR BUSINESS.

WE WERE ALL JUST
PASSING IN THE HALL

AT THE EXACT SAME TIME.

UNCLE JESSE, YOU
REALLY LIKE HER, HUH?

NO, I DON'T LIKE HER.
I'LL ADMIT AT FIRST

THERE WAS A WEE BIT
OF AN ATTRACTION...

[SIGHS] YES, I REALLY LIKE HER.

THIS IS THE WORST BREAKUP EVER

IN MY WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE...

AND I HAVEN'T EVEN
BEEN OUT WITH HER YET.

FELLAS, LOOK. I'M ALL RIGHT.

IT'S OVER. HER
LOSS. I'M MOVING ON.

YOU CAN'T FOOL YOUR ROOMIE.

JOSEPH, WHY DON'T
YOU BELIEVE ME?

BECAUSE YOU WERE UP
ALMOST THE WHOLE NIGHT

SINGING HEARTBREAK
HOTEL IN YOUR SLEEP.

JESSE, YOU ALWAYS
RUSH INTO EVERYTHING.

WHY DON'T YOU JUST SLOW DOWN?

LET HER GET TO KNOW
YOU. BE HER FRIEND FIRST.

FRIENDS ARE WHAT
YOU'RE FORCED TO BECOME

AFTER YOU BREAK UP.

LOOK, GUYS, IT DOESN'T
MATTER, OK? I'M FINE.

OH, YEAH? IS THAT WHY
YOU JUST SERVED ME

THE LEANING TOWER
OF FRENCH TOAST?

YOU LOOK THIN.

OH, AND I SUPPOSED
I'M KING KONG BUNDY?

YOU'RE GETTING SO PRETTY.

CAN I HELP YOU WITH YOUR NAILS?

SURE, D.J. JUST TRY TO STAY
ABOVE THE CUTICLES, OK?

ARE THERE ANY OTHER
PARTS ON YOUR BODY

THAT I CAN HELP WITH?

WOULD YOU LIKE TO BRUSH MY HAIR?

ALL RIGHT. MUCH
BETTER THAN NAILS.

WHEN YOU GET THE
JOB AND MOVE HERE,

YOU CAN COME
VISIT US ALL THE TIME.

AND DATE UNCLE JESSE.

WELL, I WOULD LOVE
TO SEE THE TWO OF YOU,

BUT YOU KNOW, I
WOULDN'T COUNT ON ME

DATING YOUR UNCLE JESSE.

YOU KNOW, DAVID AND
MADDIE ON MOONLIGHTING

DIDN'T LIKE EACH
OTHER AT FIRST, EITHER.

UNCLE JESSE'S A GREAT CATCH.

HE CAN SING.

AND HE GIVES FUN
PIGGYBACK RIDES.

HE'S GOT AN AWESOME
HEAD OF HAIR.

AND HE TEACHES YOU TO RIDE

A 2-WHEELER WITHOUT
TRAINING WHEELS,

AS LONG AS YOU DON'T
RIDE IN THE STREET.

OH, YOU KNOW, YOU
TWO ARE SO SWEET.

I ONLY HOPE SOMEDAY THAT
I HAVE NIECES JUST LIKE YOU.

MARRY UNCLE JESSE AND YOU WILL.

GOOD MORNING, GIRLS.

MORNING. MORNING.

HI, ROBIN.

GOOD MORNING, JESSE.

COME ON, GIRLS. I'LL GIVE YOU

A RIDE TO SCHOOL
IN MY BUG-MOBILE.

SHOTGUN!

NO FAIR. I GOTTA
GET MY MILK MONEY.

OK. HURRY UP, KID.
I'LL WAIT FOR YOU.

OW! OW! OW! OW! OW!

WHAT, WHAT, WHAT, WHAT,
WHAT, WHAT, WHAT, WHAT?

LET ME SEE! LET
ME SEE! LET ME SEE!

OH, YOU'RE IN LUCK.
IT JUST SO HAPPENS

THAT I WENT TO
FINGER COLLEGE, OK?

NOW IN ORDER TO
TREAT YOUR FINGER,

I'VE GOT TO KNOW
WHAT COLOR THE PAIN IS.

WHAT YOU HAVE TO
DO IS CLOSE YOUR EYES,

PUT YOUR FINGER ON YOUR NOSE,

AND THAT WAY WE CAN
TELL WHAT COLOR THE PAIN IS.

COME ON, DO IT. I'M
THE FINGER DOCTOR.

OK, VERY GOOD. NOW,
WHAT COLOR IS THE PAIN?

IT'S KIND OF GREEN.

IT'S KIND OF GREEN?
ANY OTHER COLORS?

HOW ABOUT POLKA DOTS?

YEAH, THERE'S POLKA
DOTS. BLUE ONES.

BLUE ONES. ANY STRIPES?

NO STRIPES.

OH, GOOD! THAT'S GOOD,

BECAUSE STRIPES ARE DANGEROUS.

ALL RIGHT, THIS IS
EASY TO DIAGNOSE.

9 OUT OF 10 DOCTORS WILL AGREE

THAT WE CAN SOLVE THE
PAIN BY OPENING YOUR EYES

AND TAKING YOUR
FINGER OFF YOUR NOSE.

IT'S GONE. THANKS, UNCLE JESSE.

ALL RIGHT. NO CHARGE.

WE'LL PUT IT ON YOUR
FATHER'S MEDICAL INSURANCE.

YOU'RE WASTING YOUR
TIME KILLING BUGS.

COME ON. I'LL GIVE
YOU A PIGGYBACK RIDE.

HERE WE GO! HERE WE GO!
HERE WE GO! HERE WE GO!

AH!

GOOD LUCK TODAY.
WHAT A GUY, HUH?

AND THERE WERE NO
FIGHTS IN HOCKEY TODAY.

FINALLY, MICHELLE WOULD
LIKE TO THANK ALL OF YOU

FOR YOUR CALLS ASKING
HER TO BE A REGULAR

ON THE 4:00 SPORTS.

YESTERDAY, MICHELLE
PICKED THE WARRIORS BY 5.

SON OF A GUN.

SON OF A GUN IF THEY
DIDN'T WIN 106-101.

BUT I'M AFRAID MICHELLE IS
RETIRING AS ODDSMAKER...

THAT'S RIGHT... TO RESUME
HER FORMER CAREER OF EATING,

LEARNING TO TALK,
AND BURPING. HA HA HA!

WELL, THAT'S SPORTS.

THIS IS DANNY AND
MICHELLE TANNER

SAYING BYE-BYE AND BYE-BYE.

SO LONG, SAN FRANCISCO,

UNTIL 6:00. SEE YOU THEN.

WE'RE OFF THE AIR.

BEAUTIFUL, BEAUTIFUL, BEAUTIFUL.

JESSE, THANKS FOR
PICKING UP MICHELLE.

NO PROBLEM EVERYBODY
HAS A PURPOSE IN LIFE.

MINE IS CHAUFFEURING
AROUND LITTLE BABIES.

KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK.

OK.

SUBSTANTIAL RAINFALL IN
KEY NORTHERN WATERSHEDS

HAS ELIMINATED THE
THREAT OF CUTBACKS

IN WATER DELIVERIES NEXT YEAR

TO MUNICIPAL AND
INDUSTRIAL USERS

IN NORTHERN CALIFORNIA.
NOW, WHAT DOES THIS...

HI! HI!

WHAT? WHAT IS IT, JESSE?

WELL, MICHELLE WAS JUST SAYING

HOW INTERESTING IT WAS.

DON'T DO THAT MICHELLE
BUSINESS, PLEASE.

YOU DIDN'T LIKE IT. BE HONEST.

HOW DO I SAY THIS WITHOUT
HURTING YOUR FEELINGS?

IT PUT ME TO SLEEP.

THAT'S NOT HOW YOU'D SAY IT.

ROBIN, YOU HAVE SOMETHING
SPECIAL INSIDE YOU.

YOU GOTTA LET IT OUT. YOU
GOTTA SHOW SOME ENERGY.

AUDITIONS SCARE ME TO DEATH.

YOU HAVE TO HAVE
FUN, I MEAN, YOU KNOW?

YOU HAVE TO HAVE
FUN, LIKE THE KID.

YOU CAN'T BE
AFRAID TO GET CRAZY.

LET ME SHOW YOU. LET ME SHOW YOU

WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. HERE.

HOLD THE BABY. COME HERE.

IT'S GOTTA BE
SOMETHING LIKE THIS.

OK.

HELLO, SAN FRANCISCO.
HOW THE HECK ARE YOU?

JESSE COCHRAN HERE, FOR
THE CHANNEL OCHO NEWS.

TODAY'S TOP STORY IS
WET AND WILD. GET THIS.

THERE HAS BEEN
SUBSTANTIAL RAINFALL

IN KEY NORTHERN WATERSHEDS.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

NO MORE HAVING TO BEG
FOR WATER IN RESTAURANTS.

TAKE LONGER SHOWERS.
WASH YOUR CAR EVERY DAY.

AND HEY, YANK THAT BRICK
OUT OF THE TOILET, HUH?

SAN FRANCISCO, THE
GOOD LIFE IS BACK.

WE'VE GOT WATER
COMING OUT OUR EARS!

FOR MUNICIPAL AND
INDUSTRIAL USERS

IN NORTHERN
CALIFORNIA, HAVE MERCY.

YOU SEE? THAT'S IT.
YOU'VE GOT TO LAUGH.

YOU'VE GOT TO SMILE.

THAT'S WHAT YOU HAVE
TO PUT INTO YOUR AUDITION.

WE'VE GOT TO BEEF
UP SECURITY IN HERE.

MISS WINSLOW, YOU'RE ON.

SHE'S BEAUTIFUL.
SHE'S INTELLIGENT.

SHE'S CHARMING.

EVERYTHING THAT I
WANT IN A NEWSWOMAN,

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

MAY I PRESENT
MISS ROBIN WINSLOW.

GIVE ME THE KID.

THANK YOU, YOUNG MAN...

WHOEVER HE WAS. I DON'T KNOW.

HELLO, SAN FRANCISCO.
THIS IS ROBIN WINSLOW,

CHANNEL EIGHT NEWS.

SUBSTANTIAL RAINFALL IN
KEY NORTHERN WATERSHEDS

HAS ELIMINATED...

TO ROBIN, CHANNEL EIGHT'S
NEWEST FIELD REPORTER.

ALL RIGHT! ALL RIGHT!

AND TO ALL OF YOU

FOR ALL OF YOUR HELP, THANK YOU.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

WHAT DID YOU DO?

I DON'T KNOW.

BUT WHEN SOMEBODY
SAYS THANK YOU,

YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO
SAY YOU'RE WELCOME.

JESSE, CAN I HAVE
A WORD WITH YOU?

SURE. WILL YOU EXCUSE US?

YOU'RE EXCUSED. I
LOVE BEING POLITE.

I JUST WANTED TO THANK
YOU FOR ALL YOUR HELP.

HEY, I'M HAPPY TO DO IT.

WHICH PART HELPED
YOU OUT THE MOST?

OH, I'D HAVE TO SAY IT WAS
YOUR INSANE NEWSCAST.

IT WAS SO AWFUL, IT
MADE ME LOOK TERRIFIC.

THAT WAS ALL PART OF MY PLAN.

I WAS WRONG ABOUT
YOU. YOU'RE DIFFERENT

THAN ALL THE OTHER
"YOUS" I'VE DATED BEFORE,

BUT DO YOU KNOW
WHAT I LIKE MOST?

HMM. LET'S SEE.

HOW ABOUT MY LOVE FOR ADVENTURE?

THE WAY I LIVE MY
LIFE ON THE EDGE?

YOUR STRONG MATERNAL INSTINCTS.

THE WORDS I'VE BEEN DYING
TO HEAR FROM A WOMAN.

OH, BOY, HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?

I NEVER EVEN USED TO LIKE KIDS

UNTIL I TALKED TO ONE.

WELL, YOU'VE GOT A
TERRIFIC FAMILY HERE.

THOSE GIRLS REALLY ADORE YOU,

AND I'M BEGINNING TO SEE WHY.

LISTEN, ROBIN, I'M
NOT THE TYPE OF GUY

THAT JUST RUSHES
INTO RELATIONSHIPS, OK?

I THINK YOU AND I
SHOULD BECOME FRIENDS.

I'D LIKE THAT.

GOOD. SO WE'LL JUST
BE FRIENDS. PERIOD.

YOU'VE GOT IT, BUDDY.

ALL RIGHT, PAL. BUT LISTEN NOW,

IF YOU WANT TO GO BEYOND
THIS FRIENDSHIP THING,

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO
MAKE THE FIRST MOVE, OK?

'CAUSE IT'S NOT GONNA BE ME.

I UNDERSTAND THAT.

LET'S GET BACK TO
THE PARTY. COME ON.

ROBIN, I'M CURIOUS.
IF YOU DID HAPPEN

TO MAKE THAT FIRST MOVE,

WHAT WOULD IT BE? I MEAN,

I WOULD HATE TO MISS IT.

TRUST ME, IF A MADE A
MOVE, YOU'D KNOW IT.

OK, PAL?

OK, LITTLE BUDDY.

WAS THAT A MOVE?

DID YOUR TOES CURL?

YEAH. DOES THAT MEAN
YOU'RE MAKING A MOVE?

NO. WHEN I MAKE A
MOVE, EVERYTHING CURLS.

HAVE MERCY!

CAPTIONING MADE
POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS.