Full House (1987–1995): Season 1, Episode 11 - The Big Three-O - full transcript

♪ AH AH AH AH ♪

♪ AH ♪

♪ WHATEVER HAPPENED
TO PREDICTABILITY ♪

♪ THE MILKMAN, THE
PAPER BOY, EVENIN' TV ♪

♪ HOW DID I GET
DELIVERED HERE? ♪

♪ SOMEBODY TELL ME, PLEASE ♪

♪ THIS OLD WORLD'S
CONFUSING ME ♪

♪ FLOWERS AS MEAN
AS YOU'VE EVER SEEN ♪

♪ AIN'T A BIRD WHO
KNOWS YOUR TUNE ♪

♪ THEN A LITTLE VOICE
INSIDE YOU WHISPERS ♪

♪ KID, DON'T SELL
YOUR DREAM SO SOON ♪



♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪

♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪

♪ THERE'S A HEART ♪

♪ A HAND TO HOLD ON TO ♪

♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪

♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪

♪ THERE'S A FACE ♪

♪ OF SOMEBODY WHO NEEDS YOU ♪

♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪

♪ WHEN YOU'RE LOST OUT THERE ♪

♪ AND YOU'RE ALL ALONE ♪

♪ A LIGHT IS WAITIN'
TO CARRY YOU HOME ♪

♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪

♪ EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK ♪



♪ SHOO-BA-DOO BOP BA-DA ♪

CAPTIONING MADE
POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS.

ALL RIGHT, GIRLS, NOT ONE WORD

ABOUT YOUR DAD'S
SURPRISE PARTY TONIGHT, OK?

THAT MEANS YOU, STEPH.

WHAT MAKES YOU THINK
I'M GONNA TELL HIM?

BECAUSE YOU BLEW
DAD'S SURPRISE PARTY

LAST YEAR.

I WAS ONLY 4. GIVE ME A BREAK.

STEPH, THIS IS AN
IMPORTANT BIRTHDAY.

YOUR DAD TURNS THE BIG 3-0.

HOW MUCH MORE
THAN 5 IS THE BIG 3-0?

WELL, HERE, I'LL SHOW YOU.

THIS IS YOU... AND
THIS IS YOUR DADDY.

WOW! HE'S ALMOST
A WHOLE BOX OLD.

MAKE WAY! IT'S THE
GOODYEAR BIRTHDAY BLIMP.

I HAD TO TAKE A
COUPLE BALLOONS OFF.

SHE WAS GETTING
PICKED UP BY RADAR.

COME HERE.

ALL RIGHT. YOUR
DADDY'S ON HIS WAY DOWN.

STEPHANIE, I HEARD
ABOUT LAST YEAR.

DO NOT SPOIL THE SURPRISE PARTY.

MAN, ONE LITTLE MISTAKE.

GOOD MORNING, EVERYONE.

All: HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

OK. IT'S BEEN SAID.

NOW WE CAN JUST MOVE ON

AND FORGET THE
FACT THAT I'M... I'M...

30.30.

THANK YOU.

OK, ANYWAY, I DON'T
TURN, UH, TURN...

30.30.

THANK YOU.

I DON'T TURN WHAT
YOU JUST SAID UNTIL 8:15.

DAD, IT'S 8:20.

OH, MY GOD.

DAD, THIS IS A PRESENT

FROM MICHELLE, STEPH, AND ME.

AW.

LOOK AT THIS.

"D.J., STEPHANIE, AND MICHELLE'S

COUPON BOOK."

THIS IS GREAT!

AND YOU MADE IT YOURSELVES.

I LOVE THIS.

"D.J. AND STEPHANIE

WILL CHANGE MICHELLE'S DIAPER."

I'LL HOLD ON TO THIS.

I'M SORRY, JESSE.

THEY'RE NOT TRANSFERABLE.

AND A FREE CAR WASH
FOR MY CAR BULLET.

DO YOU REALIZE I BOUGHT THAT CAR

10 YEARS AGO ON
MY 20th BIRTHDAY?

YOU KNOW, EVERY TIME
I GET BEHIND THE WHEEL,

AND I PUT THE TOP DOWN

AND START BLASTING MY
SELF-IMPROVEMENT TAPES,

I FEEL LIKE A KID AGAIN.

BOY, YOU WERE
BORN TO RAISE HECK.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

DAD, THAT MUST BE
ANOTHER BIRTHDAY SURPRISE!

OH, LOOK AT THEM RUN.

DID I EVER RUN LIKE THAT?

YOU BET. YOU ALWAYS
RAN LIKE A GIRL.

COME ON, GRANDPA.

I'LL HELP YOU ACROSS
THE LIVING ROOM FLOOR.

YOU KNOW, YOU
SHOULDN'T BE SO COCKY,

JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE
24, AND I'M... I'M...

30.30.

COME ON, MICHELLE.

ALL RIGHT, GIRLS.

TELL OUR LUCKY CONTESTANT
WHAT'S BEHIND DOOR NUMBER ONE.

VANNA, CAROL MERRILL.

TA-DA! TA-DA!

I WON A MAN?

NOT JUST ANY MAN.

JIMMY, TELL HIM WHAT HE'S WON.

OK, BOB,

DANNY TANNER, YOU'LL
BE RIDING IN STYLE,

BECAUSE YOU'VE WON YOUR VERY OWN

CHAUFFEUR-DRIVEN
LIMOUSINE FOR A DAY.

OOH! OOH!

YES, IT'S A STRETCH LIMOUSINE,

COMPLETE WITH A
BAR, TV, TELEPHONE,

AND A YEAR'S SUPPLY
OF CALENDARS... ONE!

AHH. AHH.

YOU GUYS HAVE GONE ALL OUT.

THIS IS TERRIFIC.

BUT I WISH YOU HADN'T
GONE TO SUCH A BIG EXPENSE.

WE DIDN'T.

I'M GONNA FUMIGATE
HIS HOUSE FOR FREE.

I CAN'T SAY IT ENOUGH.
GOD BLESS SILVERFISH.

HEY, GIRLS, YOU WANT TO
RIDE TO SCHOOL IN A LIMO?

I'D LOVE TO RIDE IN A LIMO.

BUT CAN IT TAKE US

SOMEWHERE ELSE BESIDES SCHOOL?

LET'S HIT THE MALL!

ALL RIGHT, STEPH!

YOU'RE GOING TO
SCHOOL. LET'S GO, LET'S GO.

THANKS FOR A TERRIFIC BIRTHDAY.

OK, I WANT ONE THING.

I WANT YOU TO REMEMBER
I DO NOT WANT A PARTY.

THIS'LL BE OUR LITTLE SECRET.

OK. ALL RIGHT. SURE.

I MEAN IT. NO PARTY.

FINE.

BACK TO THE PARTY.

WELL, BOB, I'VE...

TUT TUT TUT! WE'RE
DONE WITH THE VOICE.

OK. THE FOOD ARRIVES AT 5:00.

BELLY DANCER ARRIVES AT 5:30.

BELLY DANCER LEAVES AT 6:00.

GUESTS ARRIVE AT 6:30.

LIMO DROPS DANNY
HERE AT HOME AT 7:00.

WHAT ABOUT HIS PRESENT?

ALL RIGHT. PRESENT.
I'M LEAVING WORK EARLY.

I'M GOING TO TAKE BULLET,

GET HIM FITTED FOR SEAT COVERS.

HE IS GONNA LOVE THEM. COME ON.

BOY, HE REALLY LOVES THIS CAR.

HEY, WHO WOULDN'T?

YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT A CAR

THAT GOES FROM
ZERO TO 60 IN 2 WEEKS.

NOW, STEPH, DO IT JUST
THE WAY I TOLD YOU.

D.J., I'M OLD ENOUGH

TO CARRY A TRAY OF APPEZIZERS.

ATTEPIZERS.

CHEESE STICKS.

EXCUSE ME, DO YOU
CARE ABOUT CHEESE?

THANK YOU, STEPHANIE.

STEPH, IT'S DO YOU
CARE FOR CHEESE?

SHE TOOK ONE, DIDN'T SHE?

ALL RIGHT. GOOD NIGHT.

THANKS FOR DRAGGING IT HOME.

Man: SURE, PAL. GOOD LUCK.

OHH. POOR BULLET.

MAYBE DANNY WON'T NOTICE.

BOY, AM I IN TROUBLE.

JOEY!

JESSE, WHAT'S WRONG?

I'VE NEVER SEEN YOUR FACE

THIS SHADE OF GREEN BEFORE.

THIS MUST BE SERIOUS.

IT IS.

UNCLE JESSE, IS SOMETHING WRONG?

I'M GETTING THESE VIBES.

YEAH, SOMETHING'S VERY WRONG.

I KNEW IT. THIS IS GREAT!

I'M SORRY, BUT I'M
DEVELOPING WOMAN'S INTUITION.

IT'S A BIG STEP IN MY LIFE.

LISTEN, YOUR FATHER'S CAR

HAS BEEN IN A LITTLE ACCIDENT.

Joey: HOW LITTLE?

BIG LITTLE. FOLLOW ME.

COME HERE.

I WANT YOU GUYS TO TAKE A LOOK.

All: OOH!

YOU'RE DEAD MEAT.

BOY, THIS IS GONNA
TAKE ALL THE FUN

OUT OF THOSE SEAT COVERS.

WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
WHAT AM I GONNA DO?

I'M GONNA DO WHAT I HAVE TO DO.

I'M GONNA TELL HIM THE TRUTH.

WHEN WE'RE IN TROUBLE,

WE GIVE DAD "WE'RE THE CUTEST

LITTLE GIRLS IN THE WORLD" LOOK.

THAT MAY WORK FOR YOU, GIRLS,

BUT I DON'T HAVE THOSE
CUTE LITTLE DIMPLES.

WELL, MAYBE IF YOU PUT

A PRETTY LITTLE BOW IN YOUR HAIR

OR SOMETHING... NOT FUNNY.

DANNY'S COMING UP THE STEPS!

COME ON.

WHAT DO WE DO?

OK, HERE'S THE PLAN.

FIRST, WE HIDE THE SEAT COVERS.

HIDE THE SEAT COVERS. ALL RIGHT.

NOW WHAT?

IT'S TOUGH ENOUGH
FOR DANNY TURNING 30.

IT'S HIS BIRTHDAY, AND
YOU GOTTA PROMISE ME

YOU'RE NOT GONNA
RUIN IT FOR HIM.

OK, I PROMISE.

THEN WE HAVE TO MAKE SURE

THAT HE HAS THE BEST
TIME HE'S EVER HAD

IN HIS ENTIRE LIFE.

GOOD. WE'LL DO THAT.

THEN, IN THE AFTERGLOW,
YOU'LL SET HIM DOWN

AND GENTLY RIP HIS HEART OUT.

CAN'T YOU COME UP
WITH A HAPPIER ENDING?

YEAH, THE CAR FAIRY SHOWS UP

AND MAKES EVERYTHING WONDERFUL.

SHH! QUIET, EVERYONE.

LET'S SEE...

15 OF MY FRIENDS' CARS
PARKED RIGHT OUT FRONT.

I WONDER... SURPRISE! SURPRISE!

I DON'T BELIEVE THIS.

All: HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

THANK YOU, THANK YOU.

THIS IS GREAT. I LOVE THIS.

EVERYBODY'S HERE.
THIS IS SO NICE.

ALL MY FRIENDS FROM
THE STATION ARE HERE.

ARE WE RUNNING A
TEST PATTERN TONIGHT?

COUSIN ED!

OH, COUSIN ED.

CAROLINE, WHY AREN'T YOU
OUT RUNNING YOUR FISHING BOAT?

OH, WHAT, AND MISS
YOUR 19th BIRTHDAY PARTY?

I AM SO GLAD YOU'RE HERE.

DADDY, WOULD YOU
CARE FOR SOME CHEESE?

OH, YES, STEPHANIE. THANK YOU.

THIS IS TOO EASY.

I'M READY FOR DIP.

OH, THERE YOU ARE,
YOU BIRTHDAY NUTS.

I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU NO PARTY.

YOU SAY THAT EVERY YEAR.

THIS IS THE LAST
SURPRISE, ISN'T IT?

WELL... DANNY, I JUST
WANT YOU TO KNOW

THAT JESSE DESERVES
ALL THE CREDIT.

THIS WHOLE PARTY WAS HIS IDEA

BECAUSE HE LOVES YOU.

ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT.

PLEASE.

OH, JESSE, I KNOW YOU
HATE WHEN I HUG YOU...

HEY, I GOT AN IDEA.

IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY.
WHAT THE HECK.

WHY DON'T I HUG
YOU THIS TIME, HUH?

BROTHER-IN-LAW.

SAY CHEESE.

CHEESE! CHEESE!

WE'LL CALL THIS THE
"BEFORE" PICTURE.

OPEN THAT ONE.

NOW, DANNY, IF
YOU DON'T LIKE IT,

THERE'S NOW WAY
I CAN'T RETURN IT,

SO YOU'D BETTER LIKE IT.

OH.

CAROLINE, THIS IS GREAT.

THE LAST TIME DANNY
WENT FISHING ON MY BOAT,

HE DIDN'T CATCH A THING,

SO I MOUNTED HIS BAIT.

HEY, I'M JUST OUT THERE
FOR THE FRESH AIR.

DADDY, I FOUND ANOTHER PRESENT.

NO, NO. NO, NO.

YOU NEVER SAW ME.

AW, THE GIFTS JUST
KEEP ON COMING.

LOOK AT THIS.

"FROM JESSE AND JOEY
TO BULLET AND DANNY."

OH, GREAT.

WOW!

SHEEPSKIN SEAT
COVERS FOR BULLET.

I COULD CRY.

OH, YOU WILL.

I'M GONNA GO TRY
THESE ON RIGHT NOW.

UH, EXCUSE ME.

I THINK NOW WOULD BE
A GOOD TIME TO TELL HIM.

WHOA, DANNY, DANNY.

LISTEN, BEFORE YOU GO OUT THERE,

I WANT TO TELL YOU SOMETHING.

BULLET WAS IN AN ACCIDENT.

IS HE ALL RIGHT?

NO.

LISTEN, THIS IS WHAT HAPPENED.

I'M COMING OUT
OF PEP BOYS, RIGHT,

WITH YOUR WONDERFUL YET
ESSENTIALLY USELESS PARTY GIFT,

AND THIS IDIOT PLOWED INTO
THE BACK OF BULLET, RIGHT?

IT SENDS HIM DOWN THE HILL,

THROUGH THIS GUARD
RAIL, INTO THE AIR,

WHERE HE DID KIND
OF A FULL GAINER.

HE LANDS IN THE BAY
AND SANK LIKE A STONE.

BUT LOOK, BULLET WENT
OUT WITH A BLAZE OF GLORY.

HA HA HA!

HA HA HA!

FOR A SECOND, YOU HAD ME GOING.

HE SANK TO THE
BOTTOM OF THE BAY.

YOU KNOW WHAT A
CAR WOULD LOOK LIKE

IF IT SANK TO THE
BOTTOM OF THE BAY?

[LAUGHING]

[LAUGHTER TURNS INTO CRYING]

WE'LL CALL THIS
THE "AFTER" PICTURE.

DADDY, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

HA HA HA!

OF COURSE, SWEETHEART.

I'M FINE.

THAT'S THE SAME SMILE
JACK NICHOLSON HAD

IN THE SHINING.

MAYBE IT JUST NEEDS A
LITTLE TOUCH-UP PAINT.

LOOK, DANNY, LISTEN,

I'M GONNA MAKE THIS UP TO YOU.

I PROMISE. I ACCEPT
ALL RESPONSIBILITY.

EVEN THOUGH IT WAS
ACTUALLY THE FAULT

OF THE SPANISH MISSIONARIES

FOR BEING SO
DUMB TO BUILD A CITY

ON SO MANY HILLS THAT GO...

HEY, PAL, I'M FINE.

THESE THINGS HAPPEN.

QUE SERA, SERA.

OBLADEE, OBLADA.

LIFE GOES ON. RAH.

HEY, DROP THE ACT.

EVERY WEEKEND YOU'RE OUT
HERE POLISHING THIS THING,

WAXING THIS THING.

IT'S RUINED.

THE OUTSIDE'S RUINED,
THE INSIDE'S RUINED.

THE HANDLE'S ACTUALLY
IN GOOD SHAPE.

JESSE, IT'S NOT ABOUT

THE HUNDREDS OF HOURS OF LABOR

HE POURED INTO THIS CAR.

IT'S ABOUT 10 YEARS OF MEMORIES.

DANNY, THIS CAR WAS WITH YOU

THROUGH THE TOUGH YEARS.

IT DROVE YOU TO
YOUR FIRST REAL JOB.

THEN IT HELPED
YOU RAISE A FAMILY.

MAN, THIS CAR WAS YOUR 20s.

THAT'S GOOD. WE
LOST THE PHONY SMILE.

VERY GOOD. ALL RIGHT.

GET IN TOUCH WITH YOUR ANGER.

LET IT ALL OUT. HIT
ME. GO AHEAD. HIT ME.

I GOT A BETTER IDEA.
HIT THE CAR, HIT THE CAR.

HIT THE CAR.

LET IT GO, LET IT GO,
LET IT GO, LET IT GO.

GO AHEAD.

DOESN'T THAT FEEL BETTER, HUH?

FEELS GOOD, RIGHT?

I CAN HONESTLY SAY

THAT THIS IS ONE BIRTHDAY
I WILL NEVER FORGET.

GOOD NIGHT.

GOOD NIGHT, GIRLS.

Both: GOOD NIGHT.

OH, AND THANK YOU VERY MUCH

FOR THE LOVELY SEAT COVERS.

PROBABLY NOT THE BEST TIME

FOR BIRTHDAY CAKE.

LOOK, HONEY, IT'S MR. DOG.

WHAT DOES MR. DOG SAY?

WOOF, WOOF.

I MAY BE HOLDING THE
FIRST WOMAN PRESIDENT.

YES. LOOK. IT'S MR. PIG.

WHAT DOES MR. PIG SAY?

BOOF.

CLOSE ENOUGH.

LET'S GO FOR THREE.

OH. OH.

IT'S MR. CAR.

WHAT DOES MR. CAR SAY?

YOU'RE RIGHT.

HE DOESN'T SAY ANYTHING...

BECAUSE HE'S DEAD.

GOOD MORNING. HOW
ARE YOU GUYS DOING?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING UP SO EARLY?

I THOUGHT I HEARD
MICHELLE CRYING.

NO. THAT WAS ME.

CAN I HOLD HER?

SURE.

COME HERE, SWEETIE.

COME ON, BUDDY. CHEER UP.

IT'S JUST A CAR.

ACTUALLY, IT'S A BIG
WET LAWN SCULPTURE.

COME ON. I DARE YOU

TO LOOK AT THIS
BABY AND NOT SMILE.

HI, DADDY. IT'S ME, IT'S ME.

IT'S ME, IT'S ME!

CHEER UP. THERE YOU GO.

ATTABOY.

SEE, NOW WHO CARES ABOUT A CAR?

AW, JOEY, IT'S MORE
THAN JUST THE CAR.

I'M TALKING ABOUT
THE BIG PICTURE.

WHO ARE WE?

WHERE ARE WE GOING?

AND WHY DO WE HAVE
TO GET THERE SO FAST?

WE'RE JOEY AND DANNY,

AND WE'RE GOING
DOWN INTO THE KITCHEN

AND WE'RE GOING THERE FAST

BECAUSE IF WE DON'T

JESSE WILL EAT ALL THE
MICROWAVE PANCAKES.

DO YOU REMEMBER BACK
IN JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL

WHEN WE HAD WOOD SHOP
WITH OLD MAN PATHCO?

HA HA! YEAH, I REMEMBER
THAT OLD GEEZER.

JOEY, OLD MAN PATHCO WAS 27.

IT SEEMS LIKE JUST YESTERDAY

YOU WERE SAYING TO ME, "DANNY,

"I WONDER WHAT
IT'S LIKE OUT THERE

"IN THE REAL WORLD?

GETTING A JOB,
BEING A GROWN-UP."

I DID SAY THAT YESTERDAY.

HELLO.

HEY, JESS.

JESS, IT'S ALL
RIGHT. COME ON IN.

HELLO, MICHELLE.
HELLO, MICHELLE.

COME HERE, COME HERE.

YOU STILL MAD AT ME?

I KNOW WHAT HAPPENED
WASN'T YOUR FAULT.

ALL RIGHT, LISTEN.

I'M GONNA MAKE IT UP
TO YOU, MAN. I PROMISE.

JOSEPH, GO GET DRESSED.
WE'RE TAKING A RIDE.

WHERE ARE WE GOING?

ARE YOU GONNA BE HOME TODAY?

WHERE AM I GOING? I GOT NO CAR,

AND I'M AN OLD MAN
WHO JUST TURNED...

I JUST TURNED... 30.30.

THANK YOU.

YOU STAY RIGHT HERE.

I GOT A BIG SURPRISE FOR YOU.

OH, PLEASE, NO MORE SURPRISES.

NO, NO. THIS SURPRISE
YOU ARE GONNA LOVE.

COME ON, JOEY.

OK.

OH!

WAIT. ONE MORE FOR THE ROAD.

PHH! IRRESISTIBLE.

I CAN'T KEEP MY
LIPS OFF HER TUMMY.

PHH!

HE'S RIGHT. YOU'RE
HABIT-FORMING.

PHH!

YES!

ALL RIGHT!

WHOO! LOOK AT THIS
CAR. THE SAME COLOR...

THIS THING LOOKS
JUST LIKE BULLET.

ALL RIGHT!

THANK YOU. I'LL
SEE YOU ON SUNDAY.

THIS IS BULLET'S TWIN BROTHER.

HOW DID YOU FIND HIM?

SIMPLE. I PICKED UP THE PHONE

AND DIALED EVERY DEALER
IN NORTHERN CALIFORNIA.

BUT IT DOESN'T
MATTER. I FOUND YOU.

I FOUND YOU!

WHY AM I TALKING TO YOU?

YES, WE'RE GOING TO BUY YOU

AND WE'RE GONNA TAKE YOU HOME

AND DANNY'S GONNA BE SO HAPPY.

OH, WE DID IT.

JOE, JOE, JOE,
JOE, JOE, JOE, JOE.

IT'S GONNA BE QUITE DIFFICULT

TO GET A GOOD PRICE FOR THE CAR

IF YOU'RE ACTUALLY
KISSING THE CAR.

RIGHT. RIGHT.

LISTEN. THIS IS IMPORTANT.

DANNY'S GETTING 11,700
FROM THE INSURANCE COMPANY.

THE IMPORTANT THING
IS WE GET THIS CAR

FOR 11-7.

EXCUSE ME. IS THERE SOMETHING

I CAN HELP YOU FINE
GENTLEMEN WITH?

OH, I DON'T KNOW.

WE'RE JUST BROWSING AROUND.

YOU KNOW, BROWSING,
LOOKIN' AT THE CARS.

WELL, HOW ABOUT THIS ONE?

I MEAN, WHAT'S THE
STORY ON BULLET...

ON THIS CAR HERE?

12 GRAND.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

12 GRAND.

I WOULDN'T PAY A
NICKEL OVER 11-7.

PAUL'S CLASSIC
CARS. PAUL HIMSELF.

WE GOT YOU.

YOU GUYS AREN'T
GONNA BELIEVE THIS.

BUT I'VE GOT A GUY ON
THE PHONE RIGHT NOW

WHO'S OFFERING 12 GRAND

FOR THAT CAR, SIGHT UNSEEN.

HE'S BLUFFING US, JOSEPH.

WATCH ME. I'LL PLAY INTO IT.

UH, 11-7, PAUL.

OK, FINE.

NO 11-7. WE'RE
WALKING OUT THE DOOR

AND WE AIN'T COMING BACK.

HE'LL STOP US. WATCH.

GOOD-BYE, PAUL.
WE'LL SEE YOU, PAUL.

WE'RE GONE.

BYE-BYE, PAULEY.

WE'RE ALREADY OUT THE DOOR.

BYE-BYE, PAULEY.

ADIOS, PAUL.

CONGRATULATIONS, SIR.

WHEN CAN YOU COME
DOWN AND PICK IT UP?

HI, PAUL.

12-1.

I'M SORRY, SIR.

I JUST RECEIVED
AN OFFER OF 12-1.

I'LL GIVE YOU 12,500.

GO, DAD! KEEP GOING!

$12,500.

13,000.

13,000.

14,000.

I'LL KICK IN AN EXTRA 20.

COUNT ME IN FOR 73 CENTS.

THEY'RE UP TO $14,020.73.

WE GOT TO GET DANNY THIS CAR.

$14,020.75.

WE GOT HIM ON THE ROPES.

$14,020.75.

WHAT'S HE UP TO, DAD?

HE WENT UP 2 CENTS.

I GOT A LOOSE TOOTH.

WHATEVER THE TOOTH
FAIRY GIVES ME, IT'S YOURS.

15,000.

I GOT 15,000.15,000.
DO I HEAR 16,000?

16,000.

17,000!

I GOT $17,000.

THAT DOESN'T COUNT. THE
YAHOO BIRD BID AGAINST ME.

TOO LATE. HE'S UP TO 18,000 NOW.

YOU TELL HIM THAT I'M
GONNA PAY ANYTHING

FOR THAT CAR.

I'M GONNA PAY 20,000 BUCKS.

$20,000.

$20,000?!

I'M GOING CRAZY OVER A
CAR I HAVEN'T EVEN SEEN.

LOOK, I GOT TO SEND MY
DAUGHTERS TO COLLEGE.

IT'S ONLY A CAR.

LET THE OTHER GUY HAVE IT.

HE WENT UP ANOTHER THOUSAND.

BUT I THINK THAT
CAR CAN BE YOURS

FOR ONLY $22,000.

WE WENT FROM 11-7 TO $22,000.

HOW ARE WE GONNA PAY THAT?

KNOW HOW MANY
JOKES I HAVE TO TELL?

KNOW HOW MANY
BUGS I HAVE TO KILL?

WE'LL JUST GET DANNY'S
CAR SOMEWHERE ELSE.

GIVE IT TO THE OTHER GUY.

BOYS, BOYS, BOYS.
LET'S NOT BE HASTY HERE.

DID I SAY $22,000?

I ACTUALLY MEANT 21.

20.19?

HOW ABOUT 11-5, PAUL?

SOLD.

YES! WHOO-HOO!

CAN I INTEREST YOU BOYS

IN AN EXTENDED SERVICE CONTRACT?

WRITE UP THE CAR, PAUL.

DANNY! DANIEL!

HEY, GUYS. I AM
GLAD YOU'RE HERE.

I'VE GOT SOME GREAT NEWS.

SO DO WE.

LET ME TELL YOU MINE FIRST.

DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN I THOUGHT

THE ONLY CAR I COULD
EVER LOVE WAS BULLET?

YEP.

WELL, I WAS WRONG.

WOULDN'T I LOOK GOOD

BEHIND THE WHEEL
OF A JEEP WAGONEER?

LOOK AT THIS.

REAR TRACK LOCK DIFFERENTIAL,

SELF-SEALING RADIALS,
ANTI-THEFT IGNITION.

I CAN'T WAIT TO FIND OUT
WHAT THESE THINGS MEAN.

YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS.

OF COURSE I AM.

IN FACT, I EVEN CALLED
A DEALERSHIP TODAY

AND STARTED BIDDING ON A CAR

THAT WAS EXACTLY LIKE BULLET.

THERE WAS THIS OTHER YO-YO THERE

THAT KEPT HIKING UP THE PRICE.

IT WAS CRAZY.

SO, I JUST SAID, BYE-BYE BULLET.

I WENT CAR SHOPPING.

GUYS, I FELL IN LOVE.

SO TOMORROW I AM BUYING
MY FIRST NEW CAR EVER.

I HOPE YOU'RE NOT
PLANNING ON USING

YOUR INSURANCE CHECK.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

THAT WAS OUR LITTLE SURPRISE.

WE, UH... GOT YOU
A BIRTHDAY GIFT.

TAKE A LOOK.

AWW.

YOU TWO WERE THE YO-YOS?

YO.

YO.

I LOVE THAT CAR.

I THOUGHT YOU JUST
SAID BYE-BYE BULLET.

TO THE OLD BULLET.

YOU HAVE TO MOVE ON IN LIFE.

SO, MOVE ON TO YOUR WAGONEER.

HEY, WHAT BETTER SYMBOL
FOR THE NEXT DECADE

THAN A GIFT FROM
MY 2 BEST FRIENDS?

BIRTHDAYS AREN'T ABOUT NUMBERS.

THEY'RE ABOUT WHO
YOU SPEND THEM WITH.

YOU GUYS MADE THIS ONE GREAT.

YOU REALLY WANT TO KEEP THE CAR?

ABSOLUTELY.

THANK YOU.

Jesse and Joey: HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

AGAIN. AGAIN.

YOU KNOW WHAT REALLY FEELS NICE?

FOR THE FIRST TIME,
IT FEELS GREAT TO BE...

30.

HE SAID IT!

SO WHAT ARE YOU GONNA
NAME HIM? BULLET, JR?

COME ON, JOEY. A 30-YEAR-OLD MAN

DOESN'T NAME HIS CAR.

GO GET THE KIDS.
LET'S GO FOR A SPIN.

STEPHANIE!

D.J.!

I'LL BE RIGHT BACK... WALTER.

♪ BABY, YOU CAN DRIVE MY CAR ♪

♪ YES, I'M GONNA BE A STAR ♪

♪ BABY, YOU CAN DRIVE MY CAR ♪

♪ 'CAUSE, BABY, I LOVE YOU ♪

♪ BEEP-BEEP,
UM-BEEP-BEEP, YEAH ♪

♪ BEEP-BEEP,
UM-BEEP-BEEP, YEAH ♪

♪ OH, I'M GONNA BE A STAR ♪

♪ DRIVE MY CAR ♪

♪ BEEP-BEEP, UM-BEEP-BEEP ♪♪

CAPTIONING MADE
POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS.