Frisky Dingo (2006–2008): Season 1, Episode 7 - Meet Antagone - full transcript
So, come to find out, plucky reporter Grace Ryan is experiencing some pretty unpleasant side effects from falling into those drums full of super-intelligent, radioactive waste covered ants:...
Previously on Frisky Dingo...
So these ants could start
to control your actions
or possibly drive you insane.
Now that Xander Crews is dead,
I am in total control of the Crews empire.
Harrumph?
Ha ha. He's close enough.
OK. On 3.
1..
Oh, no. Stop counting.
2...
KILLFACE: Great. The one person
in the world I want to kidnap,
and now he's missing.
[Mumbling]
No. For...
I can't kidnap Grace Ryan.
[Mumbling]
Because she's cross enough
about falling into those
radioactive ants, all right?
So I really doubt
that she'll take a kidnapping as the...
You know... Mmm!
Eat your breakfast.
[Mumbling]
Son, no one wants a new mommy
for you more than I do.
But the reality is that that's our last bowl!
I mean, it's every morning.
Yeah, you've got to establish
some boundaries.
[Scratching]
Eager to know why you're here.
Arthur slept over. Hope that's all right.
No! All right is exactly what it isn't.
And could you please excuse us?
Yeah. Hey... Oh, Kap'n Krump!
Look, I'm trying to raise
a child in this house.
That's why you've got
to establish boundaries.
Arthur!
I'm trying to foster a positive
environment for child-rearing!
Sire, please!
I won't have his mother figure
swapping fluids with a lobster!
[Gasps]
He thinks of me as a...mother figure?
Oh, who knows?
Now mop him up and wipe the...
Look. That's getting in the grout.
And no more overnight guests.
- Well, Phil slept over, too.
- He what?!
Wait! Wait! Stop it.
Just stop and listen.
And listen like crazy,
because this is a totally huge secret.
Listen to me.
I... am Awesome X.
Wait. I can prove it,
with the genetic analyzer down in the lab.
You got everybody's D.N.A.
on file from the paternity suit.
So just get a little piece of my hair--
- [Rip]
- Ow!
You making a locket?
- Shut up.
- God!
Pardon me, gang.
Guys... I'm flummoxed.
Well, I'm not. Let's blast his face off.
How did he know about the paternity suit?
Yeah. That was top-secret stuff.
And Kevin is...
not the father.
Whoo!
[Gunshots]
[Baby crying]
Hey, thank you,
mister "wake up the baby".
Ha ha. Not my baby.
Way to go, Kevin.
But if he is Awesome X,
that means he's been lying
to us all these years.
Yeah, which is actually pretty uncool.
[Sniffles]
All right, let's get the machine.
Who's going to guard him?
1 will. 1 will.
Please to be picking me, guys.
Please.
OK, Ronnie. But do not let him escape.
Oh... You don't worry about that, guys.
Qom... Ah...
Qom... Ah...
Qom.
No, no, no! Stop that!
Stop that mantra!
Oh, hi. And a blessed day to you.
- Hmm?
- Mmm...
- Hmm?
- Mmm...
Qom...
[Bang]
Get the hell out of here!
Mm. I can't.
Lorraine kicked me out
when she found out I had cancer.
That fat slag.
But surely this town has a "Y," Philip.
No. I'm getting a pretty nice
healing vibe here, good for my chakra.
No, no. Cancer's a bad influence on Simon,
worse than Sinn and that prawn and...
Whatever happened to Val?
That's... Hmm...
Anyway, get your candles
and white cells and whatever
and just pop on down to the "Y," hmm?
Qom...
My lawyers say the Annihilatrix
caused my cancer.
- What lawyers?
- It's all here in the lawsuit.
My God, the stones on you.
...Were valued at $3 million,
not including the famed
Blue Dahlia diamond,
which is priceless.
So far, the only lead in the robbery
is footage from a security camera
and, of course, these super-intelligent
radioactive ants
crawling around on stuff.
For Tense Forth News, I'm Grant Runyan.
No! That time you said Grant Runyan.
God! What is wrong with me?
Maybe you should go back to the doctor.
Maybe YOU should go back to the doctor.
Maybe you should shove
your skinny arm up my a-hole
and change out this tape.
CREWS: So, uh...
- what are you doing?
- Just making against interruptions.
- Dude, what are you...
- Shh, shh.
Hey, hey, hey. That's Awesome X
you're caressing.
You shut your mouth.
The DNA machine is going to prove that.
XTACLE: Ronnie, somebody broke in
and smashed the DNA machine.
Roger.
- Guess what? I did that.
- Dude.
Now I will glue this to your head,
and then I make love to your face.
And when I get back from the bowl store,
I want this apartment to be
a crab- and cancer-free zone.
Arthur can't be moved.
1 think his ribs are all smashed up inside.
Well, my foot hurts, so we're even.
- We could use some more peroxide.
- And some boundaries.
I need some shark oil. I'll go with you.
Um, actually, no, you won't.
Well, it might help me be a little
more favorable in the old deposition.
[Inhales deeply]
Go start the minivan.
And then call Grace Ryan.
Set up a late supper, just the two of us,
because now that I've assumed
Xander Crews' professional position,
1 think it's high time I assumed the position
with his lovely paramour.
Ha ha ha!
[Groans]
WOMAN: Well, shame on little Grace Ryan.
Neither cantaloupe nor honeydew
to be had, my pets.
We'll have to go shopping.
But first we need money.
Now, who do we know
with lots of money?
[Dialing]
KILLFACE: Ridiculous!
$180 for snake oil!
Shark oil, and some of that
was for the bath salts
and the loofah.
Oh, damn your loofah,
and damn Xander Crews,
and damn his sodding bank!
Yeah, why do you bank here anyway?
Checking with interest, Phil.
But now this blasted machine
says my checking account
can't be accessed!
Wow. Already?
I--1 beg your pardon?
Well, we had to freeze your assets.
KILLFACE: [Inhales deeply]
Come on. It's common sense.
I'm sorry. Do you want
some walking-around money?
No, I want to go out to the car
and get some plasma charges
and blow Xander Crews'
crummy little bank to--
[Coughing]
My loofah! Where's my loofah?
Shut up, Phil. [Coughs]
KILLFACE: Phil, what does that look like?
PHIL: You know, from here,
it looks like ants are robbing that bank.
KILLFACE: Well, from here, it looks like
my financial worries are behind me.
Come over here. You have pockets.
Better call my lawyers.
That might be an attachable asset.
No, don't call them.
Phil, you little--
Dog! Unhand my bullion.
- Come again?
- Unhand it or suffer my wrath.
Now see here, woman. If anyone's wrath
is going to be suffered, it's mine.
It's not wise to antagonize Antagone.
I'm sorry? Auntie who?
Antagone.
Oh. Was Betty Bug Lady already taken?
Hi-yah!
You little tart.
Begone. My quarrel is with Xander Crews.
Xan--so's mine!
That's so funny. We could join--
Hi-yah!
Now she's really throwing
a beating on him.
Yeah, I think she's got
relative ant strength.
- Philip.
- 1 am going to have to call you back.
Grr...
Oh, really? Well, let me tell you this.
Punch, punch, punch, punch, punch!
Nothing?
Aren't you tenacious?
I find that very attractive in a man.
Um, I am flattered certainly,
but I'm actually...
well, not seeing someone,
but I do like someone.
Who? That little mouse, Grace Ryan?
You know her? Aah!
Grace Ryan is a nothing!
But Antagone is a woman!
OK, once again the mall
has become my Waterloo.
I surrender.
A wise choice--uh!
And the next one's right in the tit!
Now you just piss off, bug lady!
- Hi-yah!
- Uh!
Let me tell you, I haven't seen this many
ants since Cinci in '84.
My God, I hate this mall.
[Hawking]
That better not be formic acid
you're retching up.
Very dangerous for the eyes.
Aah! My eyes!
- Come, my pets.
- I was just saying don't, and you did!
Really? How does that work?
Philip, it's burning!
Even if the penthouse
is in his kid's name?
- Philip--
- Well, let's pursue that.
If you don't hang up that telephone,
I shall bleed you dry.
You heard that, right?
He says tell you
that's a hostile work environment.
Great. Tell him I'm blind.
XTACLE: Ronnie. Ronnie, open the door.
Ronnie?
XTACLES: Where the hell is Crews?
RONNIE: Um...
And where are your pants?
Oh, come on!
Aah!
So if you want to trade in any attributes,
you've got to do it before LARPstock.
They're really being dicks this year.
What about--what about
spells of confusion?
1 don't know.
Are you under one right now?
Because I'm talking about attributes!
- Aah!
- Whoa!
Oh, my goddess!
[Crews coughs]
Hello.
W--Were you sent by Thendor the Elder?
- Yeah.
- Wow.
You geeks got a car?
[Keys rattle]
So these ants could start
to control your actions
or possibly drive you insane.
Now that Xander Crews is dead,
I am in total control of the Crews empire.
Harrumph?
Ha ha. He's close enough.
OK. On 3.
1..
Oh, no. Stop counting.
2...
KILLFACE: Great. The one person
in the world I want to kidnap,
and now he's missing.
[Mumbling]
No. For...
I can't kidnap Grace Ryan.
[Mumbling]
Because she's cross enough
about falling into those
radioactive ants, all right?
So I really doubt
that she'll take a kidnapping as the...
You know... Mmm!
Eat your breakfast.
[Mumbling]
Son, no one wants a new mommy
for you more than I do.
But the reality is that that's our last bowl!
I mean, it's every morning.
Yeah, you've got to establish
some boundaries.
[Scratching]
Eager to know why you're here.
Arthur slept over. Hope that's all right.
No! All right is exactly what it isn't.
And could you please excuse us?
Yeah. Hey... Oh, Kap'n Krump!
Look, I'm trying to raise
a child in this house.
That's why you've got
to establish boundaries.
Arthur!
I'm trying to foster a positive
environment for child-rearing!
Sire, please!
I won't have his mother figure
swapping fluids with a lobster!
[Gasps]
He thinks of me as a...mother figure?
Oh, who knows?
Now mop him up and wipe the...
Look. That's getting in the grout.
And no more overnight guests.
- Well, Phil slept over, too.
- He what?!
Wait! Wait! Stop it.
Just stop and listen.
And listen like crazy,
because this is a totally huge secret.
Listen to me.
I... am Awesome X.
Wait. I can prove it,
with the genetic analyzer down in the lab.
You got everybody's D.N.A.
on file from the paternity suit.
So just get a little piece of my hair--
- [Rip]
- Ow!
You making a locket?
- Shut up.
- God!
Pardon me, gang.
Guys... I'm flummoxed.
Well, I'm not. Let's blast his face off.
How did he know about the paternity suit?
Yeah. That was top-secret stuff.
And Kevin is...
not the father.
Whoo!
[Gunshots]
[Baby crying]
Hey, thank you,
mister "wake up the baby".
Ha ha. Not my baby.
Way to go, Kevin.
But if he is Awesome X,
that means he's been lying
to us all these years.
Yeah, which is actually pretty uncool.
[Sniffles]
All right, let's get the machine.
Who's going to guard him?
1 will. 1 will.
Please to be picking me, guys.
Please.
OK, Ronnie. But do not let him escape.
Oh... You don't worry about that, guys.
Qom... Ah...
Qom... Ah...
Qom.
No, no, no! Stop that!
Stop that mantra!
Oh, hi. And a blessed day to you.
- Hmm?
- Mmm...
- Hmm?
- Mmm...
Qom...
[Bang]
Get the hell out of here!
Mm. I can't.
Lorraine kicked me out
when she found out I had cancer.
That fat slag.
But surely this town has a "Y," Philip.
No. I'm getting a pretty nice
healing vibe here, good for my chakra.
No, no. Cancer's a bad influence on Simon,
worse than Sinn and that prawn and...
Whatever happened to Val?
That's... Hmm...
Anyway, get your candles
and white cells and whatever
and just pop on down to the "Y," hmm?
Qom...
My lawyers say the Annihilatrix
caused my cancer.
- What lawyers?
- It's all here in the lawsuit.
My God, the stones on you.
...Were valued at $3 million,
not including the famed
Blue Dahlia diamond,
which is priceless.
So far, the only lead in the robbery
is footage from a security camera
and, of course, these super-intelligent
radioactive ants
crawling around on stuff.
For Tense Forth News, I'm Grant Runyan.
No! That time you said Grant Runyan.
God! What is wrong with me?
Maybe you should go back to the doctor.
Maybe YOU should go back to the doctor.
Maybe you should shove
your skinny arm up my a-hole
and change out this tape.
CREWS: So, uh...
- what are you doing?
- Just making against interruptions.
- Dude, what are you...
- Shh, shh.
Hey, hey, hey. That's Awesome X
you're caressing.
You shut your mouth.
The DNA machine is going to prove that.
XTACLE: Ronnie, somebody broke in
and smashed the DNA machine.
Roger.
- Guess what? I did that.
- Dude.
Now I will glue this to your head,
and then I make love to your face.
And when I get back from the bowl store,
I want this apartment to be
a crab- and cancer-free zone.
Arthur can't be moved.
1 think his ribs are all smashed up inside.
Well, my foot hurts, so we're even.
- We could use some more peroxide.
- And some boundaries.
I need some shark oil. I'll go with you.
Um, actually, no, you won't.
Well, it might help me be a little
more favorable in the old deposition.
[Inhales deeply]
Go start the minivan.
And then call Grace Ryan.
Set up a late supper, just the two of us,
because now that I've assumed
Xander Crews' professional position,
1 think it's high time I assumed the position
with his lovely paramour.
Ha ha ha!
[Groans]
WOMAN: Well, shame on little Grace Ryan.
Neither cantaloupe nor honeydew
to be had, my pets.
We'll have to go shopping.
But first we need money.
Now, who do we know
with lots of money?
[Dialing]
KILLFACE: Ridiculous!
$180 for snake oil!
Shark oil, and some of that
was for the bath salts
and the loofah.
Oh, damn your loofah,
and damn Xander Crews,
and damn his sodding bank!
Yeah, why do you bank here anyway?
Checking with interest, Phil.
But now this blasted machine
says my checking account
can't be accessed!
Wow. Already?
I--1 beg your pardon?
Well, we had to freeze your assets.
KILLFACE: [Inhales deeply]
Come on. It's common sense.
I'm sorry. Do you want
some walking-around money?
No, I want to go out to the car
and get some plasma charges
and blow Xander Crews'
crummy little bank to--
[Coughing]
My loofah! Where's my loofah?
Shut up, Phil. [Coughs]
KILLFACE: Phil, what does that look like?
PHIL: You know, from here,
it looks like ants are robbing that bank.
KILLFACE: Well, from here, it looks like
my financial worries are behind me.
Come over here. You have pockets.
Better call my lawyers.
That might be an attachable asset.
No, don't call them.
Phil, you little--
Dog! Unhand my bullion.
- Come again?
- Unhand it or suffer my wrath.
Now see here, woman. If anyone's wrath
is going to be suffered, it's mine.
It's not wise to antagonize Antagone.
I'm sorry? Auntie who?
Antagone.
Oh. Was Betty Bug Lady already taken?
Hi-yah!
You little tart.
Begone. My quarrel is with Xander Crews.
Xan--so's mine!
That's so funny. We could join--
Hi-yah!
Now she's really throwing
a beating on him.
Yeah, I think she's got
relative ant strength.
- Philip.
- 1 am going to have to call you back.
Grr...
Oh, really? Well, let me tell you this.
Punch, punch, punch, punch, punch!
Nothing?
Aren't you tenacious?
I find that very attractive in a man.
Um, I am flattered certainly,
but I'm actually...
well, not seeing someone,
but I do like someone.
Who? That little mouse, Grace Ryan?
You know her? Aah!
Grace Ryan is a nothing!
But Antagone is a woman!
OK, once again the mall
has become my Waterloo.
I surrender.
A wise choice--uh!
And the next one's right in the tit!
Now you just piss off, bug lady!
- Hi-yah!
- Uh!
Let me tell you, I haven't seen this many
ants since Cinci in '84.
My God, I hate this mall.
[Hawking]
That better not be formic acid
you're retching up.
Very dangerous for the eyes.
Aah! My eyes!
- Come, my pets.
- I was just saying don't, and you did!
Really? How does that work?
Philip, it's burning!
Even if the penthouse
is in his kid's name?
- Philip--
- Well, let's pursue that.
If you don't hang up that telephone,
I shall bleed you dry.
You heard that, right?
He says tell you
that's a hostile work environment.
Great. Tell him I'm blind.
XTACLE: Ronnie. Ronnie, open the door.
Ronnie?
XTACLES: Where the hell is Crews?
RONNIE: Um...
And where are your pants?
Oh, come on!
Aah!
So if you want to trade in any attributes,
you've got to do it before LARPstock.
They're really being dicks this year.
What about--what about
spells of confusion?
1 don't know.
Are you under one right now?
Because I'm talking about attributes!
- Aah!
- Whoa!
Oh, my goddess!
[Crews coughs]
Hello.
W--Were you sent by Thendor the Elder?
- Yeah.
- Wow.
You geeks got a car?
[Keys rattle]