Friends with Benefits (2011): Season 1, Episode 2 - The Benefit of the Mute Button - full transcript

All right, guys,

what's my next move
with Riley here?

Because ever since we hooked up,
I can't stop thinking about her.

Look, man, I don't know
about you hooking up

with somebody
within our group.

Right, Ben?

You'd never hook up
with anybody

within our group, would you?

No way.

Of course not.

Okay.



♪ Ba-ba-ba, ba-ba-ba,
ba, ba, ba ♪

♪ ba-ba-ba ♪

♪ ba, ba, ba, ba,
ba, ba-ba-ba ♪

♪ ba, ba-ba-ba, ba-ba, ah ♪

♪ ba-ba ♪

♪ ba-ba, ba, ba, ba ♪

♪ we're going down
the job center ♪

♪ and soon... ♪

Salad?

Wow. Yeah. Um...

Oh, did I misinterpret...?

Oh, no, no, no.

I-I-I should have been
more specific on the phone.

So you're not here to...?



No. No, no, no.

Oh, okay, so basically,
I'm a naked guy

holding cabbage over
his junk. Great.

It's actually radicchio.

Totes radicchio.

Friends With Benefits Season 1 Episode 2
The Benefit of the Mute Button
August 5, 2011

so here's the deal:

There's this guy that
I really like, right?

His name is Matt,
mm-hmm.

And we work together
at the hospital...

Mm-hmm.

You know, I'm, I'm thinking

that this is a clothing,
clothing conversation.

Ooh, fancy.

Yeah.
Okay.

Ew. Anyway, um...
He's an ob/gyn.

He's super-crazy handsome
and nice.

- You know, like, really nice.
- Great.

He actually went to Haiti

while the rest of us
just watched it on the news.

Hey, I did my part, okay?

I bought, like,
three Wyclef Jean songs, so...

I think this guy might
be boyfriend material.

- Wow.
- You know, he's, um...

Don't get offended...

But he's the complete opposite
of you, you know?

Uh, offended?
Mm-mm, no. See,

I don't want to be anybody's
boyfriend material.

And I definitely do not want
to be an ob/gyn.

I just want that stuff
to work, okay?

I don't, I don't need
to see the insides.

And the the beauty part is,
he seems to like me back.

Dr. Maxwell,
I'd like to conference

with you in the exam room stat.

Um, I'm pretty sure

that I'm gonna have full-on sex
with this guy.

And I'm just worried

that if our thing keeps going,
I'm going to feel like a...

What's a good word for whore?

Let's just go with whore.

So do you think it would be okay
if we put our thing on hold?

Yeah.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

- Oh, okay.
- Yeah.

So, you know, if, um,
if our thing had a remote,

then we'd be pushing
the pause button.

- Pause.
- Mm-hmm.

- Yeah.
- I like it.

Yeah, me, too.
It's actually perfect timing

because Colleen is coming in
from Sydney tonight.

- Colleen?
- Yep.

The teasemanian devil?

- No, she's not a tease.
- Oh.

She lets me go a little bit
further each time she visits.

She is a tease.
She's a sexual mirage.

You run and jump in the water
and get a mouthful of sand.

Well, not this time, okay?

Because I'm going to
dive in these waters.

I'm gonna drink until...

can we just talk normally
for a second?

Please.
I'm going to sleep with her.

I'll believe it when I see it.

I think that can be arranged.

Ugh!

♪ Come on and give me some ♪

♪ pull me on my string
till I'm strung ♪

♪ you're the only one,
you're the only one ♪

♪ I can't get enough
of your love ♪

♪ no, I... ♪

♪ I can't get enough... ♪

- Well, kids, I gotta start my shift.
- Oh, yeah, I should go, too.

I got a date with Colleen.

Wait. Is she that "world music"
enthusiast?

What does she do now,
like, the rain sticks?

No. Bagpipes.

And a little vuvuzela.

Ooh...

And I should go
and meet Dr. Matt.

And I have a date with destiny.

Uh, uh, listen, guys,

will someone please
explain to Aaron here

what can happen
when you hook up

within the friendship circle?

Yes, yes,

Ben and Sara, please explain
to me why that's wrong.

Norms are changing...

It's a modern world.

This economy is...

Babies having babies.

Look at her.

She probably hasn't stopped
thinking about me

since that night.

Vodka soda, Tom Collins,
whiskey sour, two beers.

Vodka soda, Tom Collins,
whiskey sour, two beers.

Hey, Ri, can I get a Vodka
Martini up with olives?

You bet.

She bets.

Huh! I bet she bets.

And now it's time to flash her
the killer smile.

God, it's crowded tonight.

What is wrong with Aaron?

Is he constipated?

I've waited so long for this.

Well, I got good news for you
because the wait is over.

Do you know what I feel like
doing for you right now?

- What?
- Play.

Oh, I want to play, too.

What are you thinking?

Doctor? Pizza guy?
Naughty Uncle?

No, I...
I want to play for you.

Wait here.

Okay.

So, what? With college,
med school,

residency, blah-blah-blah,
I was the only one in my family

who didn't get married,
then pregnant.

Mm.

Or in the case of my cousin
dionne, pregnant then married.

Then graduated high school.

Ah. Well, my cousin got
pregnant, then married,

then arrested for burning down
her high school.

You ever miss Louisiana?

Sometimes.

Not now.

Ooh, I smell vanilla.

Mm, it's romantic, right?

It, it's a scented plugin.

You know, I prefer incense,
but I read somewhere

that burning incense
causes lung cancer.

Whew!

That, that was incr...

Wow. Amazing sex.

This guy has it all.

You know what? I'm going
to check the sex again.

So, you ready for round... two?

You are dressed.
Yeah. I gotta go. Sorry.

Wait. Um, um, are you sure?

'Cause I-I bought strawberries!

Yeah, I got paperwork at home.

Oh. Oh, yeah. Yeah, me, too.

I-I have paperwork, too,

'cause, you know,
I'm a doctor, too, so...

I'll see you around?

Yo, yo, yo...

I made major inroads with
Riley last night.

Major inroads.

Hey Riley.

I would like to explore,
for want

of a better word... "Us."

So what do you say

you and me,
away from the group,

dinner, Club 9,
tomorrow night?

Absolutely!

Nailed it.

Man, why can't you
stop disrupting

the delicate ecosystem
of our social life,

and just find yourself a nice
girl that none of us know?

You know what,
like, like, here.

Ah. "Mary Resnick, 41,
promoted to city supervisor.

"Ms. resnick is divorced,

"and though this job will take
time away from her boat,

she's excited
about the opportunity."

Damn straight she's excited.

Now, this is
a magnificent piece of ass.

She's a stranger.

Yeah, well, she has a boat!

Have you ever had sex
on a boat?

I file that under "b"

for "believe the hype."

Okay, I'm at defcon two.
Maybe four.

Which is worse, if the numbers
go up or down?

I think one...

I don't care. Listen,

after sex, Matt went from
being boyfriend material

to mixed signals guy.
And I brought my "A" game.

I made witty banter, I slathered
myself in "glow-tion,"

I got a bikini wax
that was Mr. T in the front

and Mr. clean in the back.

Okay, I have some ideas
about this,

but I'm not sure
I should tell you.

Um, but you know what?
Because we're friends,

- and we've had sex,
- Oh, my God.

I feel like I'm the only
person who can tell you.

Oh, my God, oh, my God,
oh, my God! What?

I feel like your date maybe
ended badly because...

- Oh, my God!
- You're a little...

You're a little reserved.

- What? I'm... I'm... I'm reserved?
- Yeah, yeah.

- What do you mean I'm reserved?
- You know, like, sexually?

Yeah, like I lay there
like a corpse?

No, no,
not a corpse. No.

Like a zombie?

No, zombies are crazy.

Um, I'm sorry, just because
I don't go on and on

like a lunatic
does not mean I'm reserved.

You know what your problem is?

You watch too much porn.

Hey, you asked me, all right?

An-and by the way, it's not all
laughs over in Ben land either.

- Ben land?
- Yeah, Ben land.

I'm in a fight to the death
with the teasemanian devil.

What? What's that?

Did you... ? Are finished
playing already?

I... 'Cause I could listen
to you play all...

Wine? Would you
like some wine? Oh.

Oh.

Oh, yeah.

- Hey.
- Oh, yeah?

Since I'm gonna be here
two nights,

don't you think it'll be
a little bore exciting

if wve something
for tomorrow night?

You know, if you're asking
my honest opinion... no.

You're so funny.

Boop!
Oh!

I'm in physical pain.

I'm beyond blue
down there it's, like navy.

Okay, don't tell any girl
I told you this.

- No.
- Step one:

- Come on strong.
- Done.

Ah... but next...
pull back.

Plan a platonic date.

You know, like coffee or
watch a documentary.

Something that says,

"You know what?
Kind of losing interest."

And then, she'll be like,

"Oh, my God.
What did I do wrong."

and then, when you go
in to kiss her,

she'll be like, "Oh my God,
he likes me again!"

Boom, nail her.

Sara, that is genius.

So my plan is...

Scream, writhe,
be horny as hell.

And you be unhorny as hell.

Love it. See you
on the other side.

Whatever..

Fitz, what shirt

should I put on for...

This is awkward.

I know.

Uh...

Aaron, I'd like you
to meet newly promoted

city supervisor Mary Resnick.

Newly promoted city
supervisor Mary Resnick,

this is city resident
Aaron Greenway.

Oh, hi. It's so nice
to meet you, Aaron.

Your friend Fitz here
is quite the charmer.

Yes, he is.

Okay, uh, congratulations.

Oh, thanks.

I'm very excited to get to work.

I think there's a lot
we can accomplish in this city.

Sí, se puede.

We don't have this
in Australia.

I mean, we have pottery,
and we have paint,

but we never combined them.

Well, you know, we are America.

We're known for our combining.

Peanut butter and jelly,
Mac and cheese,

rappers and strippers.

You're adorable.

I got to work on my soap dish.

Just want to get that finished.

Hey, big guy.

Look at us...
Seeing each other around.

So funny, huh?

What are the chances?

Look, Sara,
about the other night, I...

Oh. I loved that night.

God, did I love that night.

I mean, passionately.

Wow. Fantastic.

Great, because I thought
maybe it was...

Awesome? Totally.

You know what?

I want to buy you
a drink after work.

And me a drink.

I love to drink.

I love what it does to me.

You know, it really
just opens me up.

Okay.

Okay.

All alone, waiting for her man.

Me? I'm the man.

Hey. You're finally here.

Sorry I'm late.

Aaron, you're here, too!

That is wonderful.

Is that passion fruit
I'm smelling?

Or maybe I just smell passion
in everything.

I don't know.

You haven't given me
a glass yet.

That is hilarious.

You are so funny.

Mmm. You taste good.

Keep it together, buddy.

You're almost there.

Do not show interest.

Hold it, hold it, hold it.

Is everything okay?

Have I done something wrong?

All right!
There it is... the self-doubt.

Right on schedule.
I'm going in.

Cover me. What?

- You know what?
- What?

I'm just going
to go powder my nose, okay?

Okay.

Boop!

Oh, so I've got this great idea

for the next time
I'm in Chicago.

Next time?

Oh, my God.

Oh. Give me a second.

"Intense message."

Yep.

Oops.

Listen, lady, I don't know
what you think we're doing here,

but, um, uh,
this is a hookup, okay?

We should be hooking up.

I'm sitting out here pretending
to be hard to get, you know,

and you're playing some kind
of mind games with me.

So, if you're not here
to hook up,

please stop wasting my time.

I was going to say,
next time I'm in Chicago,

you should come to my concert

and we'll get
a hotel room after,

but for now,
we should just have crazy sex.

Is that...
Is that still on the table?

Geez!

Oh, my God. Oh, my God!

What is the matter with you? No!

- Wait? Where are you going?
- Are you insane?

It sounds like someone
is stabbing you to death.

Oh. I was being passionate.

I thought that's
what you wanted.

In what universe
would you think I wanted that?

Um, well,
because of the other night.

Um, after we had sex, you said,

"I'll see you around."

I thought it was because
you think I'm a zombie.

No. If anything,
I think you're a zombie now

'cause zombies are crazy.

Corpse. I meant corpse.

I always get that wrong.

Whoa, Sara, Sara,
stop... stop this.

- This isn't your fault.
- What?

I left the other night
because I was freaked out.

Not by you,
but about dating in general.

You're the first person
I've slept with

besides my wife in 15 years.

Thank God it's not my fault.

I mean... I'm sorry.

Oh. You poor thing.

Ooh. Oh.
Don't worry about this, then.

- This was all an act.
- What?

I was putting on an act for you

so that you would think
I was passionate.

My friend Ben
says I'm reserved in bed.

Thank God we cleared this up.

Wait. How does your friend Ben
know how you are in bed?

Um...
Yes, how does he know that?

Great question. Good catch.

Um, because I slept
with him before.

But we're on pause now, so...

Whoa, whoa. Wait a minute.
Do you have a boyfriend?

No! No, no, no, no, no.
No, he's... he's just a friend.

Who you sleep with.

No, I'm thinking, um,

this is a good time
to stop talking.

Let's just get back
in bed and...

- Can I have that?
- Excuse me?

Can we just be friends
who sleep together?

Of course not.

Why does he get to do it?

Because he is just
a friend of mine.

You're on the
relationship track, buddy.

I mean, we flirted
and went to dinner.

This is boyfriend-
girlfriend stuff.

You're in.

Actually, I'm out.

What? Um, wait, wait, wait.

Um, just tell me... is... is it
because of the zombie stuff

or because I'm sleeping
with someone?

- See you around.
- No, no, no.

I will see you around.

If anybody's going to see
anybody around, it's me.

Okay.

That's right.

Okay.

And vodka.

Riley. Uh,

I don't really know
how to tell you this,

but this is not
a very good date.

Why? Do you think Paul's
having a bad time?

No. I am.

I thought that you and I

were going to go out together...
Just us.

I thought... I thought
you said "group dinner."

Hey, Riley.

Wow. Busy night. Yeah.

Group dinner
tomorrow at club 9.

Absolutely.

Oh, my God, that's awful.

Wow, this must be really
uncomfortable for you right now.

Yeah. Yeah.

Listen, okay, I understand
that I'm supposed to, like,

be Mr. Cool and not care
about this sort of stuff,

but I already liked you
as a friend, okay?

And I haven't exactly slept
with a lot of women,

but it seemed to me
like we had really good sex.

We did.

Yes. Okay.

Then, let's be together.
Let's do this.

Oh, Aaron, come on.

Okay, yes, we hooked up,
but are you in love with me?

Okay, because if you are,

then you should know what
you're getting yourself into.

Okay, like, I don't check
my voice mails, ever.

I have a zillion
parking tickets.

And I'm messy...
really messy.

Rats in the garbage messy.

And I'm not domestic.

I have no idea how to cook.

And guys hit on
me all the time.

All the time.

And I sleep with them.

I'm a closer.

Is that what you really want?

Look who finally made it.

Aaron, this is my sister Lia.

Hi, Lia. I'm Aaron.

A pleasure.

So, tonight was a bust.

You know, I'm
thinking, in addition

to a pause button
on our remote,

we might want to think
about adding a mute button.

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

You know, there was
a lot of instructions

kind of going back and forth
that were...

Counterproductive?

- Ooh. Good word.
- Hey.

Is it possible our thing
is getting in the way

of us finding other people?

People we were maybe
supposed to be with?

Nah.

- That's so dumb.
- No way.

Oh, dude.

You didn't throw out
the radicchio?

No, I... I
rinsed it.

I... I think
I rinsed it.

I didn't... I
didn't rinse that.

You should probably put it...

Yeah, sorry.
It's gross.

Thank you for handling my
parking tickets.

Oh, no problem.

But the person
you should be thanking

is city supervisor
Mary Resnick.

Oh. Hey, Mary!
Uh, we're over here.

Hi.

Have you been using my name
to fix people's tickets?

Yes, baby, I have.

Don't ever
call me again.

Oh, and stop spending
the night on my boat.

That chick
gonna be mayor someday.

You just watch.