Friends (1994–2004): Season 7, Episode 1 - The One with Monica's Thunder - full transcript

Hey, what's going on?

I found a note on my door,
"Come to Monica's.

Bring champagne
and a Three Musketeers bar."

Yeah, I'll take that.

What's up?

- Monica and I are engaged.
- Oh, my God.

Congratulations. Where is she?

I'm engaged! I'm engaged!

She's been there for 20 minutes.
You didn't hear?

I thought it was a kid yelling,
"I'm gay!"

No, that guy moved.



- Can I bring her in?
- Let her stay. It's sweet.

I'm getting married!
I'm gonna be a bride!

No, I will not shut up,
because I'm engaged!

Oh, big talk! Why don't you
come here and say that to me?

My fiancé will kick your ass.

Come on, apartment 20, apartment 20.

You get her in, you bolt the door,
I'II be in the closet.

The One with Monica's Thunder

Okay, wait, wait, wait.

I just want to say that I love
you guys so, so much...

and thank you for being here
on my special night.

Our special night.

It just wouldn't be my night...
Our night...

if you weren't here to celebrate
with me... Us. Damn it!



It's okay,
I want this to be your night too.

To Monica.

Come on, wait, stop it.

Okay, to Monica.

Have you decided on a band for the
wedding? Because I'm kind of musical.

She got engaged a few hours ago,
I doubt she's had time to think...

Speaking of chiming in, remember the time
you burned down my apartment?

Yeah, you're on your own.

We should get dressed up
and go have champagne at the Plaza.

I can't stay too long.

I gotta get up early for an audition.
I gotta look good.

I'm supposed to be playing
a 19-year-old.

What?

So when you said get up early,
did you mean 1986?

You guys don't think I look 19?

Oh, 19! We thought you said 90.

Okay, everybody, let's go.

Is my candy bar around here?

No, you ate it all.

I was afraid of that.

You know what shoes would look great
with this ring?

Diamond shoes.

You're not getting dressed.

Know what I mean?

Yeah, but I don't think we have time.

There's gonna be a wedding.

You're gonna be the bride.

200 people are gonna be looking at you
in a clean, white dress.

Let's do it.

So are you the fairest one of all?

- I can still play 19, right?
- Yeah, but you gotta dress younger.

If you wear the right clothes,
you can look any age.

- Really?
- Yeah. I work in fashion...

and fashion is all about youth.

Fashion is about me?

About youth. Youth!
Listen up, grandpa.

Chandler, it happens to lots of guys.

You're tired,
you had a lot of champagne.

Don't worry about it.

I'm not worried. I'm fascinated.

You know? It's like biology.

Which is funny, because in high school
I failed biology...

and tonight biology failed me.

Check it out. I could play this
while the guests are coming in. Okay.

Twelve years old and addicted to pork

No one thought Monica would marry

She knew her way
Around a knife and a fork

Phoebe, that's great, but...

So you're not convinced. That's all right
because I got another one.

First time I met Chandler
I thought he was gay

But here I am singing
On his wedding day

Phoebe, no.

If you'd let me finish, it goes on
to say that he's probably not gay.

You guys don't have this problem,
you're made of wood.

Hey, you look great.

Thanks.

You okay over there?

I don't know. You know?
I feel a little....

You know what? Never mind.
I'II be fine.

Don't worry about it. You're probably
tired, you had a lot of champagne.

It happens to everybody.

- Happy Monica's Night.
- Well, thank you. You too.

Can you believe
they are actually getting married?

Well, sure,
but I get married all the time.

- You okay?
- Yeah, I guess.

Do you think we'II ever have that?

You mean "we," you and me?

Oh, no, no, no.

"We," you with someone,
me with someone.

Good, you scared me a minute.

I know. Shake it off.

It's just because you and I,
we were like a nightmare.

- No, but there were some good times.
- Absolutely. Like, there was....

- Surely you can think of something.
- Just give me a minute.

Oh, well, yes.

I can think of one good thing.

You were always good at the...

stuff.

I was good at the stuff?

I really liked your hands.

My hands?

Way to go, guys.

You were really good at the stuff too.

Oh, I know.

What are you thinking about?

Just some stuff.

Hey, you know what we never did?

Oh, no, not that.

We never had a bonus night.

- A what?
- You know, a bonus night.

Two people break up, but they
get back together for one night.

One night, just sex?
No strings attached?

- Yeah, yeah, we never had that.
- No.

Okay, this is getting a little crazy.

I'm sure it would be amazing...

but I really don't think
it would be a good idea.

I really...

really...

don't.

Well, at least I can still do some things.

'Sup?

'Sup, dude?

Take whatever you want,
just don't hurt me.

You playing
a little PlayStation, huh?

That's whack.

PlayStation is whack.

'Sup with the whack PlayStation,
'sup?

Come on, am I 19 or what?

Yes, on a scale of one to ten, ten
being the dumbest a person can look...

you are definitely 19.

Come on, really. How old?

Young. You're a man-child, okay?

Now get changed, everybody's ready.
And please, please, keep my underwear.

Thanks.

You've had a lot of sex, right?

When, today?

Some, not a lot.

The reason I'm asking
is because I had kind of a...

I was unable to...

I really wanted to, but I couldn't...

I cannot believe I'm asking advice
from somebody who's wearing that hat.

I had an incident.

Don't worry about that, man.
That happens.

- It's happened to you?
- Yeah, once.

- Well, what'd you do?
- I did it anyway.

Phoebe, come on, let's go.

Come on.

Why aren't you dressed yet?

I wrote the best song
for your wedding.

Check this out.

If you get ready now, you can play.

- Really?!
- Yes.

That's so exciting! Thanks, Mon.

But if you touch my guitar again,
I'II have to pound on you a little bit.

Fair enough. Get ready.
I'II get everybody.

Finally we can start celebrating my...

I'm sorry, apparently I opened
the door to the past.

Okay, Monica, Mon.
Okay, what you just saw...

Can I ask you just a little question?
Why tonight?

I waited my whole life
to be engaged...

and unlike some,
I only plan on doing this once.

Maybe it's selfish, I'm sorry, but I
hoped tonight could just be about that.

But it is just about that.

Now it's about you
getting back together.

See, you kind of stole my thunder.

We did not steal your thunder.
We are not getting back together.

Yeah, no, and you know what?
Nobody even saw.

That's true.

- We just kissed.
- It was just a kiss.

You guys kissed?!

What does this mean?!

Are you back together?
Can I sing at your wedding?

Thunder being stolen.

- Phoebe, it's nothing.
- Let's not make a big deal of this.

It was a one-time thing.
It doesn't even matter.

Oh, my God.

I cannot believe you guys
are talking about this.

Problems in the bedroom
are between a man and a woman.

AII right? Now, Chandler
is doing the best he can.

I don't think that's
what they were talking about.

No, but let's talk about it.

What a great night.
Chandler can't do it, they kissed.

- What?
- You guys kissed? This is huge.

No, it's not huge.

People thinking it's huge
has led Monica to believe...

we're stealing her thunder,
which we aren't.

We're still talking about it.

That and Chandler's problem.

Monica, listen, listen.

Would you feel better if we stopped
talking about Ross and Rachel?

- That would be lovely.
- You got it.

Now, I can pass for 19, right?

Yes, you can pass for 19.

- Really?
- Yes.

- Seriously?
- Seriously?

Seriously, no. Okay? You can play
your own age, which is 31.

I'm 30!

Joey, you are not. You're 31.

Oh, crap!

So the Plaza. We'll get some mai
tais? Maybe no more for you though.

You know, I think I don't feel like
going to the Plaza.

Monica, this is ridiculous.

I don't want to talk about it.
I don't. Especially with you.

That is whack.

I'll play it at the wedding.

We'll see if they actually
Iet you play.

They tell you anything
you want to hear...

Iike, "You look 19."

Then they just take it away,
Iike, "No, you don't."

Monica won't take this away.

- Wouldn't she?
- Would she?

Would she?

Would she?

Would she?

It's starting
to sound like "wood cheese."

Man, I could go
for some wood cheese right now.

Guess who.

Hey, I just realized we kind of left
some stuff up in the air.

What did Monica mean:

"I don't want to talk,"
especially with me?

Why not especially you and me?
We were both kissing.

Still thinking about it?

I'm serious. What did she mean
by that? "Especially you."

- Who cares?
- I care.

And so do I.

I have to talk to her.
Will you let me get changed?

Am I going to let you watch me?

No.

I can't believe her.
It's just so typical.

I know you're upset, but don't forget
there is going to be a wedding.

You are going to throw the bouquet,
and then a honeymoon.

- Maybe in Paris.
- Paris?

We will take a moonlit walk
on the Rue de la blah-blah-blah.

Keep talking.

We will sprinkle rose petals
on the bed and make love...

not just because it's romantic,
but because I can.

I love you.

Don't say anything,
you might scare it away.

It's Paris.
Who knows we're here?

Hi, Pheebs. What's up?

You said I could sing at your wedding,
so I need a small deposit.

You know, some good-faith money
to hold the date.

We're not giving you a deposit
for our wedding.

Oh, I see.

They break your heart, don't they?

You know, I don't really need
their permission.

You want to sing at their wedding,
sing at their wedding.

Yeah, and if you want to look 19,
then you...

You got to do something
about your eyes.

What's wrong with my eyes?

They give you away.
There's too much wisdom in there.

Put some tea bags on them
for 15 minutes.

- That'll get rid of my wisdom?
- Maybe 10 minutes for you.

Give her the deposit, give her
the ring. I don't care.

What did you mean
when you said...

you didn't want to talk to anyone,
especially me?

What a great apology.
And you accept. Bye-bye.

No, seriously, what was
the "especially me" part about?

Let's just say it's not the first time
you've stolen my thunder.

Hey, here's a thought....

Monica, what are you talking about?

My sweet 16. You went to third base
with my cousin Charlie.

Third base.

It was all everybody could talk about.

The only reason I did that
was because your party was so boring.

We had a caricaturist.

Whenever I get married
Guess who won't be asked to sing

Somebody named Geller
And somebody else named Bing

Monica, your sweet 16
was like a million years ago.

Yet here you are doing it again.

I don't want
to steal your stupid thunder.

Why else would you have
made out with Ross?

Got me.

Easy, mimey, the moment has passed.
It ain't gonna happen.

It'd be nice if I could
have this night.

I never wanted any part of your night.

No one was supposed to see us.

Is that why you did it in the secret
hallway, where nobody ever goes?

Rachel, I've been thinking.

I don't think us getting together
tonight is such a good idea.

I'm calling it off.

Way to save your dignity, my man.

Mon, why, why would I ever want
to take away from your night?

I don't know, maybe you feel
a little resentful.

Maybe you thought
you'd get married first.

Maybe you can't stand...

that your formerly fat friend
is getting married before you.

Oh, wow, that... You know what?
That is so unfair.

Now I want to steal your thunder.

Come on, Ross. Let's go have sex!

I can't believe you're gonna have sex
on my engagement night.

Well, somebody should.

Look, if we're gonna do this...

We're not.
She's just gonna think we are.

I see, so everybody wins.

- Who is it?
- It's Monica, open up.

Okay, Ross, stop it.
Please, wait a minute.

Yeah, you like that, baby?

May we help you?

I wanted to say I hope you have sex,
and I hope you get back together.

I warn you, the night
you announce your engagement...

I'm going to announce
that I'm pregnant.

How is that ever going to happen?

Do you want to know why
I was with Ross tonight?

- I know why.
- You don't.

- Okay, why?
- Because I was sad.

What do you mean?

Look, I am so...

so happy for you guys.

But you getting married reminds me
of the fact that I'm not.

I'm not even close.

Maybe I just wanted
to make myself feel better.

I know that that's dumb,
but you were so depressed...

when Ross got married,
you slept with Chandler.

I don't care, she slept with me.

Anyway, sweetie,
I am so sorry I ruined your night.

I'm sorry I almost made you
sleep with Ross.

I'm gonna take off.

- Congratulations, man.
- Thanks.

And Rachel...

what can I say?

You missed your chance.

From now on, the only person who's
going to enjoy these bad boys is me.

We thought Phoebe would leave

But she just stayed and stayed

That's right, I'm here all night

And Chandler will never get...

Hey, here's a dollar.

Consider it a deposit.
Please sing at our wedding.

Thank you.

Now who will perform the ceremony

Who will perform the cer...

I'll pound on him in the morning.