Friends (1994–2004): Season 6, Episode 9 - The One Where Ross Got High - full transcript

Okay, great. Bye.

So guess who's coming
to Thanksgiving dinner.

Sidney Poitier? Ha, ha.

I miss Rachel.

No, my parents.

Oh, great, they haven't seen the place
since I moved in.

Yeah, and if you could not mention
that we live together, that'd be great.

I was thinking we'd eat around 4.

Why can't I tell them
we live together?

They don't know we're dating.
Should we eat in the kitchen?

Why haven't you told them?



Um, well, I was going to. I really was.

But, um, then somewhere,
just out of nowhere, I didn't.

Why haven't you told them?
Wouldn't they be happy?

So, dinner in the kitchen around 4.
I'll see you then.

Why wouldn't they be happy?

Well, um, because...

...mainly, um...

...they don't like you.

- I'm sorry.
- What? Why? Why?

Maybe because you used to be aloof...

...or that you're really sarcastic
or that you joke around all the time...

...or that you take off your clothes
and throw them on the couch.

Is this why they don't like me
or why you don't like me?

I know I should have told them.
I know I shouldn't care what they think.



I'm sorry.

You know, it'll be okay, because
when they come over, I will be charming.

I will make them love me,
then we'll tell them.

You think that'll work?

Hey, I can be pretty charming, babe.
I won you over, didn't I?

I don't think you'll ever get
my parents that drunk.

Hey. Oh, good, Ross.
Your parents like me, right?

Yes, of course they like you.

Monica told me they don't.

Yeah, they don't like you.

Do you know why?

Maybe it's because you're really sarcastic,
or maybe it's because you...

If people don't know,
they shouldn't just guess.

Great. Another Thanksgiving
with nothing to give thanks for.

Maybe I give thanks
for you shutting up, huh?

Maybe I give thanks by taking
my PlayStation to my new apartment.

Maybe I love you.

- Hi.
- Hi.

Hey, guys.

No, I don't want
to play video games, Joey.

Are you guys going
to Chandler's for Thanksgiving?

Yeah, why, what's up?

Well, me and my dancer friends
are doing Thanksgiving uptown.

I thought you might like to come.

For real?

You should go to Chandler's.
None of us can cook.

We'll probably just drink all day.

- We go to yours.
- Yeah.

Yeah, see, we have to stop across the hall
because it's my sister.

But, you know, actually, uh,
growing up with a sister was nice...

...because it really helped me
understand women.

Yeah, you should tell your friends that.

Okay.

How you got three women to marry you,
I'll never know.

- Hey.
- Hey.

Pheebs, check it out.
For my dessert...

...I have chosen to make
a traditional English trifle.

Wow, that sounds great.
And what are you making, Monica?

In case Rachel's dessert
is so good that I eat all of it...

...and there's none left
for anybody else.

Nothing.

Nothing?

No, sweetie. I trust you.

So if I mess this up,
there's nothing else for dessert?

You're not gonna mess it up.

Wow, Monica, I love that.
You really have faith in me. Thank you.

Technical question: How do you know
when the butter is done?

Well, it's done about two minutes
before it looks like that.

- Hey.
- Hey.

- Oh. The food smells great, Mon.
- And the place looks so nice.

- Hey, happy Thanksgiving, everybody.
- Happy Thanksgiving.

Happy Thanksgiving.

- Well, this has been great.
- See you.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

- Where you going?
- Oh, oh.

We did say we'd stop by this little
thing Joey's roommate is having.

Oh, Janine,
the really hot dancer girl?

Some would say she's attractive, yes.

Who else is going to be there?

- Uh, some of her friends.
- Her dancer friends?

Yes. All right?

All of her hot dancer friends
are gonna be there...

...and they'll be drinking and dancing
and we really want to go.

Dude, we were good.

You're not going. You said
you'd eat here and you'll eat here.

Yeah, and leaving us
to go see hot dancer girls...

...is not very Thanksgiving-y.

Oh, but it is.

Uh, it's like the first Thanksgiving
when the Indians and Pilgrims sat down.

Yeah, and then the Indians
taught the Pilgrims...

...what it meant to be hot
in the New World.

- Hello, everybody.
- Hi.

Hi, Dad. Mom.

Look. Look who it is.
It's Chandler.

Oh, yes, of course.
Hello, Chandler.

Mr. And Mrs. Geller,
you look wonderful.

It is great to have you here.
Let us take your coats.

Whoa, it snowing out there?

No.

Monica, all this food looks wonderful.

You should think about doing this
for a living.

Okay, I have dandruff.
There's no need to laugh and point.

Dad, Chandler was laughing at your joke.

My joke wasn't funny.

Rach, I just remembered.

I had a dream
about Mr. Geller last night.

Really?

Yeah. I dreamt that he saved me
from a burning building...

...and he was so brave and so strong.

And it's making me look at him
totally differently.

You know, I mean, he used to be just
"Jack Geller, Monica and Ross' dad. "

Now he's "Jack Geller, dream hunk. "

I don't know.
To me, he'll always be "Jack Geller...

...walks in while you're changing. "

You know, Dad, Chandler is one
of Ross' very best friends.

Ross sure is a great guy.

You know, I've always felt that
how a young man turns out...

...is a reflection on his father.

I always thought that too.
Tell me, what does your father do?

He's a headliner of a...

...gay burlesque show.

Rach, you're killing us.
Will you serve the dessert already?

There's drunken dancers a-waiting.

Look at it. Isn't it beautiful?

Yeah. What is it?

It's a trifle.
It's got all these layers.

First there's a layer of ladyfingers,
then a layer of jam...

...then custard,
which I made from scratch...

...then raspberries,
more ladyfingers...

...then beef sautéed
with peas and onions...

...then a little bit more custard...

...then bananas and then
I put whipped cream on top.

What was the one right before bananas?

The beef.
Yeah, that was weird to me too.

But then I thought,
"Well, there's minced meat pie. "

That's an English dessert.

These people just put
very strange things in their food.

By the way,
can I borrow rum from your place?

Yeah, sure.

And while I'm gone,
don't you boys sneak a taste.

- Okay.
- Okay.

Beef in a dessert?

No, no, no. There is no way.

I know. And only one layer ofjam?

What is up with that?

Oh, my God.

- The pages are stuck together.
- Chandler.

Oh, my God. She made
half an English trifle and...

...half a shepherd's pie.

Man, now she's gonna start all over.

We're never gonna get to introduce
the hot girls to the New World.

No, no, we will.
We just won't tell her she messed up.

Just let her serve
the beef-custard thing?

Yeah. It'll be like
a funny Thanksgiving story.

Vomiting stories are funny, I guess.

Joey. God, your apartment
is like a hundred degrees.

Did it make you want
to walk around in your underwear?

No.

Still not hot enough.

Rachel. Okay, look at him.

Look at those strong hands.

Oh, what I wouldn't give
to be that can of condensed milk.

Mom, uh, Chandler was just saying
how beautiful your sweater is.

Oh, thank you, Chandler. I just bought it.

Oh. Yes, well, it's very beautiful
and it's cream-colored and tight and...

I don't mean tight. It's not too tight.
Not that I was looking at...

What's the matter with him?

I think he's stoned again.

- What?
- What?

Dude, I need to talk to you a sec.

Okay, I think I might know
why my parents don't like you.

- You do? Why?
- Okay, remember we were young. Heh.

Spring break, sophomore year,
I got high in my bedroom...

...and my parents walked in
and smelled it...

...so I told them that you had gotten stoned
and jumped out the window.

What? Why did you do that?

I don't know. Uh, yours was the first
name that popped into my head.

I'm sorry. I didn't think it'd matter.

How could it not matter?

How was I to know
we'd be friends after college...

...let alone
you'd be living with my sister?

What about all that
"friends forever" stuff?

I don't know. I was all high.

Mom and Dad just sent me to find out
if you were trying to get Ross stoned.

Your parents caught Ross smoking pot
in college, and he blamed it on me.

Ross, I can't believe you'd do that.

We haven't told them we're together
because they hate me, okay? So fix this.

Okay, okay, I'll tell them
it wasn't Chandler who got high.

Now, who should I say it was?

You. It's not like it's a big deal.
You don't still do it or anything.

All right. Now, who should I say
tricked me into doing it?

Dad.

Dad, please don't pick
your teeth out here.

- And if you're gonna put your feet up...
- Monica, leave him alone.

Will you hurry up?

Did you not hear me when I told you
that all of Janine's friends are dancers?

Huh? And that they're gonna
be drinking a lot?

No, I did. But tell me again
because it's so romantic.

You're whipping so slow.
Can't you do it any faster?

Joey, come on,
I don't want to make any mistakes.

This is the only dessert. If I screw it up,
everybody's gonna be like:

"Oh, remember that Thanksgiving
when Rachel screwed up the trifle?"

So just let me worry about making it,
and you just worry about eating it.

Oh, I am.

- Ross, if you don't tell them, then I will.
- Okay. Fine.

- Ross, can I talk to you for a second?
- Oh, uh...

Can it wait a second, Joey?
I have to tell my parents something.

No, it can't? Okay.

Okay, look, I think we have to tell Rachel
she messed up her dessert.

What? What is with everybody?

It's Thanksgiving, not...

...Truth Day.

Look, when everyone eats
that banana-meat thing...

...they'll all make fun of her.
Do you want that?

Okay. We'll just get everyone
to act like they like it.

That way, no one makes fun of her...

...and we still get to go
to sweet potato pie.

Dude, they're not objects.

Oh.

Just kidding. I'll talk to them.
You distract her.

Hey, Rach, can I talk to you
outside for a sec?

Okay.

What's up, Ross?

So, um...

Thanksgiving.

The holiday season is upon us, hmm?

Yeah.

And, um...

...you look nice today.

- Oh, no. No, Ross, don't do this.
- What?

I just don't think us getting back together
is a good idea.

Huh?

I thought this might happen today.

Ross, I know the holidays can be rough...

...and it's probably really hard
for you to be alone right now.

You're alone.

No, I live with Phoebe.

I mean, you're alone-alone.

And it's just not the time for us.
I'm sorry.

Oh, well.
Can't blame a guy for trying.

And, uh, if anyone needs help
pretending to like it...

...I learned some things in acting class.
Try, uh, rubbing your stomach.

Or, uh, saying "Mm. "

And, uh, oh, smiling.

Okay?

Yeah, I'm not gonna pay
for those acting classes anymore.

Rachel, there you are.
Let's serve that dessert already.

Joey, you have to stop rushing me.
You know what? You don't get any dessert.

Really?

No, just kidding.
I would never do that to you.

Okay, everybody, it's trifle time.

So, now, Rach, this is a traditional
English trifle, isn't it?

- It sure is.
- Wow.

So did you make it
with beef or eggplant?

- Beef.
- I can't have any. I don't eat meat. Oh.

Aw.

Monica, I want you
to have the first taste.

Really?

Wait, you only got whipped cream.

You gotta take a bite
with all the layers.

Okay.

You dropped a pea.

Well?

Mm.

It's good.

Really? How good?

It's so good that I feel really selfish...

...about being the only one
who's eating it.

I think we should have everyone
taste how good it is.

Especially Ross.

Mm-hm.

Mm.

Yeah. This is so good that I'm gonna
go enjoy it on the balcony.

So that I can enjoy the view
whilst I enjoy my dessert.

I've gotta call my friend...

...and tell her how good
this is from Monica's room.

I'll help you dial.

I'm gonna go into the bathroom...

...so I can look at it
in the mirror as I eat it.

Okay, what was that all about?
Does it not taste good?

- Let me try it.
- No, no.

All gone.

So good.

Maybe Chandler has some left.

It tastes like feet.

I like it.

Are you kidding?

What's not to like? Custard, good.

Jam, good. Meat, good.

So a bird just grabbed it...

...and then tried
to fly away with it...

...and then just dropped it
on the street?

Yes, but, if it's any consolation,
before the bird dropped it...

...he seemed to enjoy it.

Rachel, come here.

Okay.

I was just taking my Thanksgiving nap
and I had another dream about Jack.

- Phoebe, do I want to hear this?
- I don't know, let's see.

Okay, I dreamt we were getting married...

...and he left because
he had to go fight a fire.

And, um, so, okay, I went to a nightclub
and I saw him making out with a girl.

Oh, my God, he dream-cheated on you.

Yeah. But then Jacques Cousteau came...

...and he kicked his ass
for betraying me.

It was so cool.

Then he took me diving
and introduced me to his pet sea horse...

...who was coming on to me.
And, please, that is not gonna happen.

Boy, I'm glad I wore the big belt today.

Five minutes ago, a line like that
would have floored me.

But now, nothing. Well, not nothing.
I am still a woman.

Ross? Let's go.

Oh, yeah.
About telling Mom and Dad...

...I was thinking about
maybe writing a letter.

You know what?
That's it. You've had your chance.

Mom, Dad. Ross smoked pot in college.

- What?
- What?

You are such a tattletale.

Mom, Dad, heh...

...you remember that time
you walked in my room...

...and smelled marijuana?

- Yes.
- Yes.

I told you it was Chandler...

...who was smoking the pot but...

...it was me. I'm sorry.

It was you?

And, Dad, you know that mailman
that you got fired?

He didn't steal your Playboys.
Ross did.

Well, Hurricane Gloria didn't break
the porch swing. Monica did.

Ross hasn't worked
at the museum for a year.

Monica and Chandler
are living together!

Ross married Rachel in Vegas.
And got divorced. Again!

I love Jacques Cousteau.

I wasn't supposed
to put beef in the trifle.

I want to go!

That's a lot of information
to get in 30 seconds.

All right. Joey, if you want
to leave, just leave.

Rachel, no, you weren't supposed
to put beef in the trifle.

It did not taste good.

Phoebe, I'm sorry...

...but I think Jacques Cousteau is dead.

Monica, why you felt
you had to hide the fact...

...that you're in an important
relationship is beyond me.

And we kind of figured
about the porch swing.

Ross.

Drugs?

Divorced again?

What happened, son?

I... I, uh...
I got tricked into all those things.

Chandler, you've been
Ross' best friend all these years...

...stuck by him
during the drug problems...

...and now you've taken on
Monica as well.

Well, I don't know what to say.

You're a wonderful human being.

- Thank you.
- No.

Thank you.

Monica and Ross, I don't know
what I'm gonna do about the two of you.

I'll talk to them.

You guys, it was bananas...

...cream and beef.

I just cannot believe that you ate that
so that I wouldn't feel bad.

Well, actually, I didn't eat mine.
It's still in the bathroom.

No it isn't, I ate that.

And we left ours in Monica's bedroom.

Nope, got it and got yours too.

[English - US - SDH]