Friends (1994–2004): Season 6, Episode 19 - The One with Joey's Fridge - full transcript

Well, that thing's clearly in the way.

All right. A-ha. Heh.

Damn fridge!

- Hi, Joey. How you doing?
- Great...

...roomie.
- Ah!

- Yeah, I guess we are roommates now.
- I know. Now that you bring it up...

...uh, our fridge is broken.
We have to get a new one.

I checked around and your half is $400.
Thanks a lot.

I'm not paying for half of that.

I'm only staying here
until my apartment gets fixed.

Look, Rach, my parents bought this fridge
just after I was born. Okay?



Now, I have never had a problem with it.
Then you show up and it breaks!

What does that tell you?

That refrigerators don't live
as long as people?

All right, you know that the ATM only
lets you take out 300 at a time...

...so I'll take a check
for the other 100.

Heh. You're joking, right?

Of course I'm joking.
I don't take checks.

Thank God you're pretty.

- Hey!
- Hey.

Hey, do you guys know
any cute guys?

Well, of course, I do.
My good friend, Joey, over here.

Oh, I'm sorry. Thank you, Chandler.

Anyway, there's a charity ball this weekend
and Ralph Lauren bought a table...

...so I kind of have to go.



- What's the charity?
- I don't know.

Something, either trees or disease, I...

- Ralph mumbles a lot.
- Does Ralph mumble...

...when you're not paying attention?
- Yeah. It's weird.

But the thing is, I need to find a date.

What kind of guy
are you looking for?

Someone that has his own tux
or the ability to rent a tux.

So he has to be a male
who has at least $50.

Ooh, so close.

- Hey, everybody.
- Hey.

- Uh, this is Elizabeth.
- Hi, Elizabeth.

- I'm the student.
- Ha-ha-ha.

Isn't she cute? Nope.

This is none of my business,
but weren't you guys supposed...

...to not be seen in public together?
- Oh, we're not together.

No. We're just two people
who happen to have run into each other...

...here at the coffee house.
Heh, this is...

Oh, sly.

I really wanted to meet you guys,
but I have to run.

- I'll see you later?
- Okay.

- Bye, Ross.
- Bye. See you.

- Oh...
- Oops.

- Didn't mean to run into you like that, sir.
- That is quite all right, ma'am.

Bye.

So why's she leaving? Is it a school night
and she has a lot of homework to do?

Yes. Her molecular epidemiology paper
is due tomorrow.

Well, tell her "good luck" with that.

Anyone else, huh? Bring them on.

- Oh! When's her birthday?
- I don't know, Rachel. Why?

Well, you know it's just been so long
since I've been to Chuck E. Cheese.

- I like Elizabeth.
- Well, thanks.

In fact, I like her so much that you tell
her I want my cookies early this year.

A box of Thin Mints and some Tagalongs.

Guys, give him a break.
Ross, seriously, how's it going with her?

Well, it's actually been great.

She's 20, so she's not looking
for anything too serious...

...which is perfect for me now.

Well, that is great.
And seriously, she seems very nice.

I know you guys like
to give me a hard time...

...but it means a lot to me
that you like her.

- Just knowing you guys are, like...
- Okay, I got a good one.

Okay, um... Heh.

What is she, like, 12?

Chandler, do you think we talk
about our relationship enough?

Yeah. Do we have any Fruit Roll Ups?

- Hey.
- Hey.

Okay, I just thought of the perfect guy
for Rachel to take to her thing.

That's so funny,
we found someone too.

That's good. I guess she'll have a choice
between my guy and your weirdo.

- Why would our guy be a weirdo?
- Because that's just your taste.

See, Rachel's not gonna pick
your stupid guy.

- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.

My guy is a lawyer
who does volunteer work.

And he has one of these.

A face ass?

- A chin dimple.
- Well, uh, our guy works with Chandler.

And he's really nice and smart
and he's a great dresser.

- Have you seen your guy's body?
- No. Our guy's just a floating head.

Well, my guy is spectacular, okay?
He's a massage client.

And one time, um, when he was on the
table, I looked at it. And I mean, all of it.

- You're not supposed to look.
- Yeah, like there are police for that.

- What, you look? You massaged me.
- I know.

All right, your guy may have
a great body, but our guy...

...is really funny.
- Chandler funny?

- Our guy's a great dancer.
- My guy's well-read.

- Our guy has great hair.
- My guy has great teeth.

Our guys smells incredible.

Do you want our guy to be your guy?

- Hey.
- Hey.

Well, you don't look good, Joe.

Well, the fridge broke,
so I had to eat everything.

Cold cuts, ice cream, limes.

Hey, what was in that brown jar?

- That's still in there?
- Not anymore.

Ahem, so, anyway,
how do you want to pay me?

Is this a service you're providing me?

No, for my new fridge.
For our new fridge.

Our new fridge?

- I don't live here anymore.
- So what?

Look, okay, suppose we were
a, uh, divorced couple.

- Uh-huh.
- And I got custody of the kid. Right?

Now, suppose the kid dies
and I gotta buy a new kid.

Okay.

Give me $400!

- Professor Geller?
- Hmm?

Oh, a student I don't know.

I was wondering
if I could talk to you for a moment?

Yes, of course.
What would this be regarding?

- Making out in your office.
- Wh... Shh!

Uh, of course. Why don't we go inside.

Mm... Oh, oh.

- What?
- Doorknob. Doorknob.

Sorry. Ha-ha-ha.

- Um, I actually do need to talk to you.
- Oh. Okay, what about?

- Spring vacation.
- Spring vacation?

Yeah, we have time off,
and a lot of people are going on trips...

- Professor Geller.
- Yes, Professor Fiesenstinlender?

I'll be with you in one moment.

So I will take one box
of the Thin Mints.

You don't understand. Elizabeth was
about to ask me to go on a trip with her.

Is that taking it slow?
I'm not ready for this, okay?

- What do I tell her?
- Tell her the truth. You're not ready.

I could do that.

- Well, what if she gets upset?
- Then you distract her with a Barbie doll.

Or...

...you could just, you know, you...

What the hell are you doing?

Wha...?

What the hell am I doing?
You just broke my fridge!

What? How do you know if...
How do you know it's even broken?

Oh, you think I don't know
what breaks my fridge?

Excuse me.

Well, what do you know? Broken!

That'll be $400.

Joey, I saw you push him.

You pushed him.

Joey, I did not break this. Okay?
That has been broken for a while.

- Remember I told you about our fridge?
- Uh-huh.

I still haven't gotten the check
for your half yet.

Do not give him any money.

I'm not talking to you!
You broke my fridge!

- You wanted to see me, Professor Geller?
- Yes. Yes. Please come in.

Mm, ooh, ooh.

- Doorknob?
- Yeah. It kind of grows on you.

Actually, I wanted to finish
talking to you about spring vacation.

Oh, good.

Look, I...

Look, I've been having
a great time with you.

And I just don't want us to move too fast
or put too much pressure on us.

So I'm sorry, I just don't think
we should go away together yet.

It's too soon.

Uh, Ross, I think you misunderstood
what I was saying.

I just wanted to tell you that
I'm going to Florida for a couple weeks.

No.

I think you misunderstood
what I was saying.

- What I meant was...
- You are so adorable.

That. Let's talk about that.

- Hey.
- Hey.

- How did it go with Elizabeth?
- Huh? Oh, oh.

Fine. It was just a misunderstanding.
She didn't want me to go with her.

She just wanted to let me know that
she's going to Florida for spring vacation.

Wait, is she going for spring vacation
or going for spring break.

What's the difference?

A spring vacation, you're doing nice things
with your grandparents.

Spring break, you're doing frat guys.

Hey, you know what?
Not all spring breaks are like that.

- What did you do on yours?
- I went to Egypt with my dad.

I can see it now.
"Look, Dad, it's the Sphinx. "

I think Elizabeth is a little more
serious than, "Spring break!"

All right?
Come on, she's taking my class.

- And slept with the professor.
- I'm gonna call her.

Hey, you guys,
I want you to meet Sebastian.

- Hi.
- We just, uh...

We just met at the newsstand. We both
grabbed for the last Field and Stream. Ha!

What, I read that.

- Can I get you a cup of coffee?
- Oh, yes. Thank you.

- Rachel, what the hell is this?
- What?

You ask us to find you a guy, and then
you come in here with a guy of your own.

- You found me a guy?
- Yes.

We found you a really cute,
funny guy from Chandler's work.

Yeah, and I found you one, too,
who is not a weirdo.

You know what though, guys,
I really appreciate that...

...but I'm just gonna take Sebastian
to the charity.

Are you sure?
Because our guy smells incredible.

Would you stop it with that already?

- Here you go. Sure.
- Oh, thank you.

So, Sebastian,
do you do any volunteer work?

- Uh, no, not really. Why?
- No reason.

It's just I know a single guy
who does care about other people.

Are you funny?

- Excuse me?
- What are you guys doing?

Are you funny? Tell us a joke!

Look, I just wanted
to have coffee with Rachel.

Well, so do a lot of people.

- Actually, uh, I gotta get going.
- Oh, but you...

- Give me a call sometime.
- But you didn't give me your number.

Okay, see you later.

Turns out he is kind of funny.

I cannot believe you guys!

He was really nice
and he just left because of you!

Yeah, but, "Sebastian"?
What is that, a cat's name?

You know what I noticed, Rachel,
he scares easy.

Now, is that the kind of guy
you want to take to a ball?

"Sebastian, would you like to dance?"

"Uh, okay. I gotta go. Aah!"

All right, guys stop it.
Rachel, we're very sorry.

That is a very insensitive thing
for us to do.

You know what? Let us make it up
to you. We've two great guys for you.

Yeah, what have you got to lose?

You might even end up with someone
really special. If you pick my guy.

- All right.
- Okay. So you will meet our guys?

Yes, I'll meet them.

It doesn't matter which one you choose.
It's up to you.

Our guy is perfect.

Or you could go out with the guy
Phoebe deemed...

...not good enough to go out with herself.
- Ugh!

Phoebe, there you are!
Okay, you broke my fridge.

You owe me 400 bucks.

- Okay, sure.
- Really?

Ooh, technically, you owe me $600
for sending out happy thoughts...

...on your last 10 auditions.

Call it even?

Okay.

There you are.
So, what did Elizabeth say?

Well, turns out she is going to Daytona
for "spring break, woo-hoo. "

That means wet T-shirt contests,
guys doing shots off of girls' bodies...

...waking up next to people
you don't even know.

Man, she is gonna have a great time!

Is she staying at the Hotel Corona?

- You know the hotels?
- I was there, Spring Break '81!

In 1981, you were 13.

So what? I drove down,
sold T-shirts. I had a blast.

You know who knows how to party?
Drunk college chicks.

Okay, she can't go.

You can't tell her not to go.
You just started dating.

- Then what am I supposed to do?
- Nothing. Just be cool with it.

What if she goes down there
and sleeps with a bunch of guys?

Well, maybe you don't marry this one.

I'm so glad you're going on this trip.

Yeah, I've been working
so hard this semester.

I really need to go crazy, you know?
Blow off some steam.

Sure. Sure.

Look, I don't know if your plans
are finalized yet...

...but I know another great way
to blow off steam.

- What?
- Are you into crafts at all?

- Ross, are you okay?
- Uh, yeah. Of course I'm okay.

Heh, I'm just being, uh, supportive.

Supportive of you and this whole trip...

...and what... What is, uh...? What's this?

- It's a bathing suit?
- To wear in front of people?

- Is that supportive?
- Is this?

- Hey.
- Good, good, good.

- Hey.
- Hi.

- We're glad you decided to meet our guy.
- Oh.

You're gonna like him so much.

- Uh, when do you want to meet him?
- I don't know.

- I don't work late tomorrow night.
- Tomorrow night is good.

But why put off something till tomorrow
that you can do right now. Ha-ha-ha.

- Eldad, come here!
- What?

- Eldad, this is Rachel.
- How are you?

A little blind-sided,
but, you know, good.

Eldad, sit down. Move over.
Move over now.

There you go. There you are.

- Okay, we can take a hint!
- Ha-ha-ha.

- Wait. What are you doing here?
- This is Patrick.

- Hi.
- Hi.

You're too late,
because she's already with our guy.

Oh, my God, you're right, I am too late.
They're sitting on the couch and talking.

Come on.

- Rachel? This is Patrick.
- Yeah?

- Oh. Hi.
- Hi.

This is the guy
I was telling you about.

Believe me, this suit does not do justice
to what's underneath it.

Okay.

But Pheebs, I'm just sort of
in the middle of something.

Oh, okay. That's okay. Have a seat.

- You can't do that!
- Maybe I should go.

Just sit down, we're winning.

Okay, you know what?
Maybe I should go.

- No, no!
- Have a seat!

Rachel, you haven't touched
Eldad's hair.

- It is the softest hair. Touch it.
- I'm good.

Rachel, Patrick is really rich.
Give her some money.

Phoebe, this isn't really worth
the free massage.

That's right, Patrick. Bye-bye.

Eldad is much more cooperative
and he can dance.

You dance for Rachel.

No, don't dance for me, please!

What is the matter with you guys?

Yeah, okay, let's talk it out.

Am I the only one
that this is embarrassing for?

- I'm a little embarrassed.
- Shh, shh.

I'll tell you who should be embarrassed.
It's you guys. This is ridiculous!

Thank you,
but I do not need you to get me a date.

- Then why did she ask us to help...
- I am still talking!

Then you chase away
the one guy that I actually liked.

No offense to you guys.
Really, congratulations on...

...all the cash.

And you really...
Wow, you do have very soft hair.

But I'd much rather go to the ball by myself
than go through any more of this!

Goodbye.

Now, do you use some sort
of special conditioner on that hair?

- Yes, papaya extract.
- Thank you.

- So, uh, have a great time down there.
- I will.

- Did you pack that bathing suit?
- Yeah.

It was pretty funny
when I hid it for a while, huh?

Anyway. Um...

I am worried about that bathing suit.

Not because it's revealing,
which I'm fine with.

No, I'm concerned about your health.

Um, sun exposure.

Oh, don't worry,
I have plenty of sun block.

- It's SPF 30.
- All right.

Well, if what's in the bottle
is actually 30.

I mean, sometimes you get 30,
sometimes it's 4, and I swear...

...more often than not, it's just milk.

Ross, it's gonna be okay.

I'm not going down there
to hook up with a bunch of guys.

I really like you.
I like how things are going between us.

- Really?
- Yeah.

I'm just going down there to relax
and hang out with my friends.

Okay. Cool. Heh.

- Oh, here they are.
- Hey, Elizabeth!

Bye!

Call me!

Rachel, we're sorry
for pushing those guys on you.

That's all right.
I ended up having a really good time.

The charity was a big success,
they raised a lot of money and awareness.

So, what was it for, anyway?

I wanna say a disease.

- Hey.
- Hey.

I just got this weird message from Ross.
He said turn on MTV. I don't know.

- Oh, my God, look! That's Elizabeth!
- Ha-ha-ha.

Oh, oh, Professor Geller.

Ah, to be 13 again.

[English - US - SDH]