Friends (1994–2004): Season 6, Episode 11 - The One with the Apothecary Table - full transcript

Are you wondering how healthy the food you are eating is? Check it - foodval.com
---
Hey.

ROSS: Hey.
CHANDLER: Hey.

Listen, uh...

You think I have a chance with Janine?

Ugh, we've been through this.

Don't do this to yourself.

She made it clear it isn't
going to happen.

All right, then. I guess I shouldn't
get too excited about the fact...

...that I just kissed her!

- Are you serious?
- That's great!

Yeah, well, we'll see.



You kissed her?

Oh, we kissed it up real nice.

So you kissed. Then what happened?

I came over here to tell you guys.

So she's waiting over
there for you?

Yeah.

- I gotta go.
- Okay.

I'm gonna be late
for dance class.

Okay.

- Okay, now I'm really leaving.
- All right.

But can you just...

...just leave your lips?

- Bye.
- Bye.

Have you kissed her yet?



It's awesome!

I could do it forever.

You know what? She kisses better
than my mom cooks.

- I'm so glad you said "cooks."
- Right?

Rachel, you've got to tell
the post office that you've moved.

We still get your bills and stuff.

Oh! Oh! Pottery Barn!
You can throw the rest away.

I'm not your garbage man.

I'm your mailman.

Monica, look.

Here is that table that I ordered. Ah!

- You got it from Pottery Barn?
- Yeah. It's an apothecary table.

Does anyone even know what
an apothecary is?

A pharmacist.

[IN MOCKING TONE]
A pharmacist.

Phoebe hates Pottery Barn.

I hate Pottery Barn too.

They kicked me out just
because I sat on a bed.

You took off your pants
and got under the sheets.

I was tired.

Phoebe hates Pottery Barn?

She hates mass-produced stuff.

She thinks her furniture
should have a story behind it.

This has a story behind it.

They had to ship it all the way
from the White Plains store.

It's got to be one-of-a-kind.

Like that God-awful ceramic fruit
bowl she has on her counter?

Hey! I made that for her.

- You made pottery?
- Yeah.

I made it out of a fruit bowl
I found in the garbage.

If you put that in her apartment,
you'll never hear the end of it.

I'll tell her that it's an antique.

She doesn't have to know
where it came from.

Ah, I love these little drawers.

Oh, look!
It says that it holds 300 CDs.

Ah, just like the apothecary tables
of yore.

So the farmer says:

"That's not a cow,
and you're not milking."

[ALL LAUGHING]

I'm so glad you're together.

We wanted a couple to go out with
and now we have one.

We're a couple of couples.

I had so much fun tonight.
What a great restaurant!

And Chandler, I can't believe
I let you pay for this one.

Thanks again, man.

If you come over tomorrow,
I'll make pasta.

- That'd be great!
- Okay.

But at least let us
bring the wine.

- You don't have to.
- Ah, I insist.

- You'll get the wine, right?
- Yeah.

- Okay, good night.
- See you tomorrow.

Can't wait.

How are we going to get
out of that one?

- What?
- I can't handle two nights in a row...

...with them.

What's wrong with them?

They're just a little...

...blah!

Blah?

Well, you know, he's blah.
She's just...

She's very loud for such
a small person.

Uh, they're my best friends.

Are you saying we can't go out?
'Cause that'd be a problem.

Of course we can still
hang out with them.

Just not two nights in a row.

- Okay?
- I guess.

Thank you.

[JOEY MOANING]

I'll sell my friends and use
the money to buy you presents.

- Hey.
- Hey.

Ooh! What a great table!
Where did you get it?

Guess.

Um, a flea market?

Ha, I knew you would get it
on the first guess.

Isn't it cool?
It's an apothecary table.

Ah, wow.

You can just imagine
that this is where...

...they kept all their stuff
to make potions.

- You know?
- Ooh, yes.

Ooh, you can almost smell the opium.

Almost.

Oh, how much was it?

Just only 500 bucks.

500 bucks at a flea market?

I thought you meant how much was it...

...when it was new, back then.

- Oh, no.
- Yeah, no.

It was at a flea market,
so it was like a dollar.

- A dollar?
- And fifty?

So it was like
one and fifty dollars.

- They gave you the old-time pricing.
- Yeah.

Well, what period is it from?

Uh, it's from yore.

Like, the "days of yore," you know?

Yes. Yes, I do.

- It's just perfect.
- Oh, good.

I bet it has a great story too.

Did they tell you
where it's from or...

Yes, that I know.
This is from, uh, White Plains.

[GASPS]

- White Plains.
- Mm-hm.

Ooh, it sounds like
such a magical place.

- I'm here.
- Hi!

[RACHEL GASPS]

Oh, my God!

- You like it?
- Oh, my God!

It's my new apothecary table!

Phoebe'll be here any second.
She can't see this.

Why not? She'll love it.
It's the real thing.

I got it at Pottery Barn.

I know. I bought the same one.

And if she sees your table,
she'll know I lied.

- I said ours was an original.
- Why?

Because she hates Pottery Barn.

She hates Pottery Barn?

She says it's all mass-produced...

...nothing is authentic, and everyone
winds up having the same stuff.

So come on!
Can we cover this up, please?

What? No, no.

I am not gonna hide it from Phoebe.

Although I did get some great
Pottery Barn sheets.

[GASPS]

Ooh, I forgot they made sheets!

Heh, yeah.

I still can't believe
she hates Pottery Barn.

It's not like she hates you.

Yeah, but Pottery Barn?

You know what I think?
She's just weird.

It's because she's a twin.
Twins are weird.

She's not weird. She likes
her stuff to be one-of-a-kind.

Huh. You know what's
not one-of-a-kind? A twin!

Let's turn out the lights
and watch the movie.

- Hey, ooh, cool sheet!
- You like it?

- You want to know where I got it?
- Sure.

At a flea market.

You buy your sheets
at a flea market?

Come on, you gotta loosen the
purse strings a little.

- Hey.
- Hey.

Dinner will be ready in 20 minutes.

Here is the wine to bring
over tonight.

You were also gonna
buy Monica flowers...

...but you couldn't because
you paid for dinner last night.

Thanks. But, uh, it's just
gonna be me tonight.

- What happened to Janine?
- She's, uh, really sick.

- That's too bad.
- Yeah, she's been in there all day.

Uh, high fever, nose problem. It's...

...phlegm, phlegm,
phlegm, phlegm, phlegm.

Monica! Chandler!

I'm sorry about tonight.
I don't know if Joey told you...

...but I couldn't get out
of going to this play.

Have a great time, huh?

That's funny, I saw no phlegm.

Oh, no, she really is sick.

Then why is she going to a play?

Uh, well, you know, "Starve a fever...

...go to a play for a cold."

Why is Janine not coming
over for dinner?

Uh, she didn't want to hang out with
you guys two nights in a row.

I'm so sorry.

Why doesn't she want
to hang out with us?

Because she, uh, thinks that
you are "blah."

And that, uh, you, Monica,
are too loud.

What?!

[WHISPERING]
What?

So she just pretended to
have a good time?

She was lying to our faces?

MONICA [IN NORMAL VOICE]:
I can't believe this.

Who is she to judge us?

- We couldn't have been nicer to her.
- And I am not "blah." I am a hoot!

I know, I know.

Come on, please, you guys.
Don't be mad.

I'm sure she said it...

...because she was nervous 'cause
you're my best friends.

And it was our first date.

Plus, she's really sick.

You said you made that up!

But isn't the "sick" thing
better than the "play" thing?

They're both good. I generally just
go with, "Monica's drunk again."

Come on, please just
give her another chance.

- She'll come around, I promise.
- Of course we will.

- Come on, we gotta make dinner.
- Okay.

MONICA:
I do not like that woman!

I can hear you!

MONICA:
I am loud!

[IN UNISON]
Aw.

[ALL LAUGHING]

PHOEBE:
Isn't it good?

Can you please not put your
feet up on my new...

...old sheet.

Oh, sure.

[ALL SHOUT]

My apothecary table!

PHOEBE: What?
- No!

- Where did you get this?
- At Pottery Barn, okay?

Oh, my God!

Pottery Barn has ripped off
the design of our antique!

[PHOEBE GASPS]

Wow. If they've ripped off our table...

...ours must be worth much more
than one and fifty dollars.

This doesn't even
smell like opium.

It smells like wine,
which you spilled.

And thanks for wrecking my sheet.

Ross, calm down.
I'll give you the 80 cents.

Okay, one more time.

Would you like some orange juice?

- Perfect decibel.
- [SHOUTING] I know!

Hey.

Uh, what are you guys doing?

Nothing. We're just talking.
You know, blah-blah-blah.

Come on, you said you were gonna try.

I came over to invite you to
a movie with me and Janine.

- What do you say?
- I'd like to...

[WHISPERING]
...but I'm not sure if we have the time.

Ha, very funny. I don't know
what to do.

I really want you to get along.

Please, come to the movie with us.
You owe me.

- We owe you?
JOEY: That's right.

I helped you out in the
start of your relationship.

I helped you sneak around
for six months.

I looked like an idiot.

And I was humiliated.

And I only made $200.

We didn't give you any money.

You don't think I know that?

I can't decide if it goes
better by the new chair...

...the Sahara desk...

...or the Parker console table.

I didn't know there was
a Pottery Barn up here.

- I know, I went a little crazy.
- A little?

Your place looks like page 72
of the catalog.

Look at that!

- The ornamental birdcage! Large.
- Ha, ha.

Oh, Ross? Be careful.
That is very old.

Colonial bird merchants used to
bring their birds to market in that.

Fascinating.

[PHOEBE GASPS]

Another amazing find! Wow.

- I bet this has a great story too.
- It does.

It is a room-separating apparatus
from Colonial times.

Huh, a lot of this stuff is from
the Colonial times.

What are some other
time periods, Rachel?

Well, there's yore.

Ahem, and, uh, you know, yesteryear.

Rachel has such a
good eye for this stuff.

Ross, if you ever decide
to redecorate...

- and I think you should...

- you should ask Rachel to help.

Aw, he doesn't need my help.

I think he's ready to get rid
of the... What'd you call it?

The, uh, "cheap knockoffs
and dinosaur junk"?

Really?

You know, since you have such a
great sense of what I need...

Uh, here's 60 bucks.

Why don't you take Phoebe down
to that Colonial, uh, flea market...

...and get me some stuff?

I don't think Phoebe wants to come.

- I do want to.
- She does want to.

- She does want to.
PHOEBE: Yeah!

I guess the flea market
was just better last time.

Well, at least I got these
sheets for Ross.

Ugh, look at this. Pottery Barn.

Ugh, yeah, you know what?
Don't look at it.

- Seriously, don't look at it.
- Look!

There's the table
they stole from us.

Oh, those bastards! Let's go.

That fan kind of looks like ours,
and the birdcage, and...

Wait a second, this is our
exact living room!

No, it's not.

Come on, ours is totally different.

I mean, we don't have the...
We don't have that lamp.

And that screen is on
the other side.

Oh, my God. This is where you
got all our stuff.

- Pottery Barn! Oh, my God!
- No. No.

Okay, I did, all right?
I'm sorry.

I wanted this stuff and I know
how you feel about Pottery Barn.

- Come on, don't be mad.
- No, but I am mad.

Because this stuff is what's
wrong with the world...

...and it's in my living room...

...and all I can think about is
how I don't have that lamp!

Well, then, honey, buy the lamp.

We have that 60 bucks from Ross.

I can't! I can't!

Unless...

Are you saying you'd move out
if I didn't buy that lamp?

No, I'm not gonna move out!

But are you saying that you would
move out if I didn't buy that lamp?

- Yes! I would so move out.
- Then I don't have a choice.

- I have to buy that lamp!
- That's right.

But at least the apothecary
table's real.

This was great.
Didn't everybody have a great time?

I did. I really did.
And I've got to say...

...I'm sorry if I was weird after
the last time we went out.

I guess I was just nervous.

- That's understandable.
- Don't worry about it.

So we can go out again?

- Absolutely.
JANINE: Well, good.

- Okay, well, good night.
- Good night.

See, huh?

Wasn't that fun?

We have got to move.

What?

I knew it!

You're not so quiet yourself, missy!

I'm blah? The only thing more
boring than modern dance...

...is you talking about it.

[MIMICKING JANINE]
"Oh, Chandler...

...I just lost myself in the movement."

You know, I know you're talking...

...but all I hear is
blah-blah-blah-blah-blah.

All right, you and me!
Let's go, right now!

All right, enough!

Enough! You two, go home.
I gotta talk to Janine.

[IN NORMAL VOICE]
I really think you could take her.

You better hope I don't
see you in the hallway!

All right. Uh...

Look, we got a little bit
of a problem here.

You can't my treat
my friends that way.

- They said stuff to me too.
- I know, I'll talk to them about it.

They mean so much to me.

They're like my family, you know?

If you guys are gonna be
fighting all the time...

I don't think we can be together.
It just can't work, okay?

It can't.

I'm very upset.

Okay.

Would it help if I apologized?

Yeah.

That'd be very helpful.

What did I tell you about the hall?

I was coming over to
apologize for my behavior.

I'd really like it if we
could be friends.

Well, I know that would
make Joey happy, so...

...I would like that too.

- Great.
- Now, come on.

- I'm glad we worked it out.
- Me too.

- I'll see you.
- Bye.

- Or I'll hear you.
- That's it, big girl!

Wait!

You'd better run!

Did you hear that?

- What am I gonna do?
- I'm sorry, man.

- Want to go watch?
- Yeah!

- Hey.
ROSS: Hey.

- How you doing?
- So, uh, did she move out?

Pretty much.

I can't believe you just
broke up with her.

When it's not right, you know it.

- You okay?
- I'll be all right.

- You know what'd cheer you up?
- What?

I'm giving this lecture on
erosion theories tomorrow night.

I think you should come.

[LAUGHING]

You're right, that did cheer me up.

[English - US - SDH]