Friends (1994–2004): Season 6, Episode 10 - The One with the Routine - full transcript

Why is everybody using
these tiny, little lights nowadays?

I remember when people used big ones.

That's a good story, Grandpa.

- Hey.
ALL: Hey.

Wow. Monica's letting other people
help decorate her tree?

Did someone get her
drunk again, or?

Having a perfect tree is
not what Christmas is about.

It's about being with loved ones.

That is nice. And we're done.
Ta-da!

It just doesn't quite
feel like Christmas to me.

Oh, here.



See, now it feels like Christmas.

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And that's the story of the dreidel.

Some people trace the Christmas tree
back to the Egyptians...

...who'd bring palm branches into huts
on the shortest day of the year...

...symbolizing life's
triumph over death.

And that was, like, 4000 years ago.

So around the same time
that you started telling this story.

- Hey, you guys.
- Hey. What's up?

I had to get out of the apartment.
Janine's stretching all over the place.

Everywhere I look she's like...

I can see why that's hard to resist.

I like her so much.

I'm sorry she doesn't feel the same.



I know. And she's so sweet.

I just want to feed her grapes
and brush her hair.

You are aware that she's
not a monkey, right?

I am so over Janine.

Yeah, at first I thought she was hot,
but now she's like old news.

- Hey, guys.
- Janine!

I'm gonna be a dancer on a TV special
for New Year's Eve.

It's called some sort of
Dickin' Rockin' Dicky Eve.

Hold it.

Are you talking about
Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve?

Yeah, that's what I said.

Oh, my God, we love that show!

Ross and I have been watching it
since I can remember.

You're still just a little
fat girl inside, aren't you?

I'm gonna be one of the party people.

You're gonna be a party person?
Those guys rock the most!

They said to bring someone.
Want to be my dance partner?

I would love to spend
New Year's with you.

They're taping tomorrow.
I don't understand why...

Well, how it works is...

...the part with Dick Clark
in Times Square is actually live.

But they tape some of the party stuff
ahead of time.

Not a lot of people know that.

Do you guys want to come too?

- Are you serious?
- We are there!

[LAUGHS]

What are you laughing at?

Well, I used to date him,
but you're still going out with her.

Thanks.
Great, so we can all go together.

I gotta run. I'll catch you later.

Bye, Janine.

Did she just ask me out on a date?

I don't think so.

She invited him to the biggest
party of the millennium.

Yeah, but she also invited
you and Ross.

I'm sorry, I don't think that
that was a romantic thing.

Well, maybe.
But, hey, I know how I can find out.

It's a New Year's Eve party.

So at midnight, I can kiss her.
And if she kisses me back, great.

If she says, "What are you doing?"

I can say, "It wasn't me,
it was New Year's."

That's better than Ross
kissing me in high school...

...and saying that he did it
because he needed Chap Stick.

It was a dry day.

We are going to Dick Clark's
New Year's Rockin' Eve!

Oh, my God!

Okay, I've been on sets before...

...so let me give you some advice.

It's a show, but we're just dancing.
It's no big deal.

Important thing to remember:
Stay cool.

- Got it.
- Okay.

ROSS: Oh, my God!
It's just like I dreamed it!

Everyone! Gather up!

MONICA: Excuse us!
ROSS: Excuse us!

The music's gonna start,
you're gonna dance...

...we'll tape it. Don't look
at the camera. Questions?

Uh, yeah, I have a question.
Uh, when is this gonna air?

Yeah. Now, uh, you guys dance
over there...

...you guys, over there.
I want you two here.

- And everyone else, spread out.
JOEY: Ross.

So when is it gonna air?

You look in the kitchen,
I got the closet.

I can save you time, ladies.
I'm right here.

Yeah. Why don't you take a walk?
This doesn't concern you.

We're looking for our presents
from Monica.

CHANDLER:
That's terrible.

No, we do it every year.

Oh, well, that makes it not terrible.

Yeah, we never find them.

She's always bested us,
that wily... minx.

We'll search here for an hour...

...and then we'll go to Joey's
and search, okay?

- You can't look for Monica's presents.
- We have to.

You don't have to. And you can't,
because I live here too.

Well, then you should look with us.

Why?

Aren't you worried about
what to get Monica?

No, I have a great idea
for her present.

Oh, that's it?
A great idea? Oh, yeah?

What if she gets you
a great present...

...two mediums
and lots of little ones...

...and you just get her one present?
She'll feel bad.

Why would you do that to her?
Why? Why?

- If I help, we can find them faster!
- Right!

PHOEBE:
Ooh! Ooh! We have a live one!

- Oh, it's a Macy's bag!
- Yeah.

RACHEL: Aw!
- Ooh! Who's it for?

"Dear Losers, do you really think
I'd hide presents under the couch?

P.S. Chandler,
I knew they'd break you."

Uh-oh. She may be onto us.

We are so gonna find them this year.

You said you'd go across the hall
and look. Do you do that every year?

Yeah.

You don't go into the back
of my closet...

...and look under my gym bag
or anything?

- No. Never do that.
- No.

That's where Joey gave me stuff
to store that I've never seen.

Okay, that did not just happen.

[SMASH MOUTH'S "EVERY WORD
MEANS NO" PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]

Here comes a camera.

Right. No biggie. Stay loose.

- Why do they keep doing that?
- Ugh!

We have to get up on one
of those platforms.

They've been taping them all day.

Right.

What'd you guys do
to get up on there?

We learned how to dance.

When you learned to dance, did you
forget how to put on underpants?

Yeah!

- Hey, you're a good dancer.
- Really?

You'd be better if you
loosened your hips.

- What do you mean?
- Like this.

That's it. Feel the rhythm.
That's better.

JOEY:
Uh-huh.

You're dancing with her.

- We're together.
- Yeah, we came together.

I don't see it.

You are dancing with the tall guy.
Tall Guy, raise your hand!

Hey, buddy. Let me dance with her.
I like her and I think I have a shot.

Really, you think so? I don't.

I couldn't find anything...
Hey, wait!

Yeah, we found them.

They were in the guest room closet.

You have nothing to worry about
because they're crap.

Those are mine.
I got those for you.

Oh. Thanks, Chandler, they're great!

Chandler, what is this very weird, um,
metal A-Z thing?

Those are bookends.
That's a great gift.

Oh. Okay, I'm sorry.
Thank you for my "az."

Make sure you put all that stuff
back in the closet.

Yes, okay.

By the way, I think it's really nice
of you that even after you moved...

...you still keep storing
that stuff for Joey.

Hey, dancing girl?

Can I go to the bathroom?

Here we go. Yeah.

Looking good, Gellers!

We know!

That snippy guy's the one who
decides who gets on the platform.

- We should go dance by him.
- Okay.

Okay, everybody, hold!

Next on the platforms are...

- You two! And...
MAN 1: Yes!

- You two!
MAN 2: Cool!

Excuse me? Sir?

Would it help if I weren't
wearing underpants?

Would it?

Hey, Tall Guy!

I want to talk to you about that girl
you're dancing with.

She's nice, huh? To think I almost
brought my wife to this.

Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

Look, I came with that girl, okay?

I plan to kiss her
at the New Year's countdown.

I'm trying to win her over. I...

I don't think so.

You can dance with my partner.

She's real mellow.

Look, you dating this girl
you came with?

I was hoping after tonight
that maybe...

No. No. She's fair game
if you ask me. Sorry, buddy.

All right. Hey.

Fair is fair. When you're right,
you're right. What can I say?

Hey! Oh, no.

Are you in second grade?

Hey, man. You're the one
who wet his pants.

Hey!

[LORETA'S "TROUBLE WITH BOYS"
PLAYS OVER SPEAKERS]

Man, this sucks.

If Mom and Dad don't see us
on TV after we made them jealous...

...then who's gonna be
the losers then?

- I know what'll get us up on a platform.
- What?

The routine!

We haven't done the routine
since middle school.

When the snippy guy
sees the routine...

...he'll want to build us
our own platform.

Was it that good?

We got honorable mention in the
brother-sister dance category!

It's almost fake midnight.
Do we really have any other choice?

Okay, let's do it.

Mom and Dad are gonna be so faced!

Five, six, seven, eight!

So do we really need to ask who's
going up on the platform next?

You get up there and do that
again, exactly like that.

- Yeah!
- Ooh!

Get this. Dick will want
it for the Bloopers show.

All right, cut!
Listen up, everyone!

When we start,
it'll be the countdown...

...so I want to see
everybody's excitement!

TALL GUY:
Hey, guy!

You got three seconds to get away.

What's going on here?

Take a look at the guy's pants!

You told us to show excitement,
but don't you think he went overboard?

What's the matter with you? Go!

Yeah, take a hike, wet pants!

Can you believe this?

We're on the platform
for the millennial moment!

I know!

You haven't been practicing
the routine, have you?

No.

Me too!

When the music starts...

...I was thinking about maybe
going into the robot.

Ross? We should stick to the routine.
We don't want to look stupid.

All right, we're back!
Ten seconds left.

- Ten.
ALL: Nine, eight, seven.

JOEY:
Okay, it all comes down to this.

Whatever happens, happens.

Destiny.

ALL:
- Three, two, one!

- Cut!
- No!

- Year!

Happy No Year!

Now we go to the live shot
of Times Square. That's a wrap!

[QUACKING]

Hey, look who I found.

Oh, hi, guys!

Birds have a very good
sense of direction.

I thought maybe they could help us
find the presents.

Yes, if the presents are hidden
south for the winter.

Or we could just follow your clever
jokes. Any ideas? Didn't think so.

Come on, show us where
the presents are.

The duck seems to think that
Monica got me garbage.

I wonder what I could get Monica
that's as good as garbage.

Hmm. How about my "az"?

[KNOCKING]

- Hey. This is hollow.
- What?

This bench, it's hollow.
I can't believe I never knew that!

- Oh, the presents!
- Don't look directly at them!

What?

All right, no, we could look at them.

RACHEL:
This one's for me!

PHOEBE:
This one's for Chandler. Here.

- And the big one's for me!
- Oh, let's open them!

- Wait a minute. We can't do this.
PHOEBE: Why?

I don't want to know
what Monica got me.

I'm sure she worked hard at getting it
and wanting to surprise me.

And you guys are gonna ruin that.

We have to put them back.
This isn't what Christmas is about.

Whatever, Linus.
I'm opening mine.

Nobody is opening anything, okay?

I want to see the look on her face
when I give her my present.

I'm sure she wants to see the look
on my face when I get mine.

So, please, please, can we just?
Can we put them back?

- Will you get us better gifts?
- Fine.

Hey, guys.

You found the presents?

You let them find the presents?

Great.

Do you know how long it took me
to find you that water purifier?

- That's what you got me?
- Yes, I see. That look is priceless.

Home sweet home, huh?

Nice to, uh, get back to reality.

Plus, we, uh, know how the New Year's
gonna go off.

I guess there's no reason for all
that Y2K panic, you know?

Anyway, good night.

- Joey?
- Yeah?

Three...

...two, one.

Happy New Year.

[STAMMERS]

What was that for?

Tonight when they yelled "cut"
and we didn't get to kiss...

...I was really, really disappointed,
and I just...

I just really wanted to kiss you.

Really?

In the moment, I really wanted
to kiss you too. In the moment.

- In the moment.
- But only in the moment.

So do you, uh, want to kiss again?

Sure. New Year's Eve
is only two weeks away.

Can you wait?

No.

Me neither.

Three, two...

You don't have to count down
every time we kiss.

Oh. Okay.

Except I sort of felt like I needed
a couple seconds to get ready.

We were on the platform, ready to
dance into the new millennium...

...and the guy yells "cut!"

So you guys are telling me
that you actually did...

...the routine from eighth grade?

Yeah! But of course we had
to update it a little bit.

Hey, by the way, quick thinking
about catching me.

There's no way you could've
done the end...

...the way you guys did it back then.

What? We could do it.

I don't know. You were a lot bigger...
I mean, stronger back then.

I can do it, okay?

Come on, let's go! Come on.

One, two, three, four...

...five, six, seven, eight.

- I can't do it!
ROSS: Ahh!

[ROSS THUDS]

Now, you do that, you're on TV.

[English - US - SDH]

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