Friends (1994–2004): Season 5, Episode 6 - The One with the Yeti - full transcript

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None of that.
Not while you're under my roof!

Just because I know about you
doesn't mean I like looking at it.

Aren't you supposed to be
at an audition?

I'm sorry I'm not
a middle-aged black woman.

I'm also sorry if sometimes
I go to the wrong audition.

If I pretend to not know about you...

then you pretend
there's nothing to know.

Sorry.

I can hear that!

Rachel's at work.

I can still hear you!



The One With the Yeti

What's that?

My mom sent me an heirloom
that belonged to my grandmother.

Can you believe it?

A year ago I had no family,
and now I have heirlooms!

The only heirloom I ever got
was a feather boa.

Got if from my dad.
He got it from his dad.

How did I ever get born?

Oh, God!

Soft.

Is this mink?

Why would my mother send me a fur?
Doesn't she know me but at all?

I have a fine coat that no innocent
animals suffered to make.

Just Filipino kids who worked
their fingers bloody...



for 12 cents an hour.

I made that up.

You can't put up flyers in here.

How come? Everybody else does.

You can't.

What is that?

I'm getting rid of some things.

This is all of your things.

Yes, it is.

It's good. Emily thinks
we should get all new stuff.

Stuff that's just ours.
Together. Brand new.

So it's a get-rid-of-anything-
Rachel-ever-touched sale.

Touched, used, sat on, slept on....

I'll take it all.

You're okay with that?

If I can just do what Emily wants...

and get her to New York,
it will be fine.

Isn't that a little extreme?

After what I did, can you blame her?

You got off easy.

When my friend's husband said
another name in bed...

she cursed him
and turned his thingy green.

I guess I'm lucky Emily is not magic.

Oh, she is.

We all are.

What is he doing?

Emily thinks Ross' furniture
has got Rachel cooties?

Calm down, Joey.

Everything's getting all messed up!

Emily won't let Ross see Rachel.

We won't stop seeing Rachel.

Hence, Ross stops seeing us.

I hate this.
Everything's changing.

We're losing Ross.
Joey said "hence."

I'm not happy about this either,
but if Ross says he's happy...

then we have to keep
our feelings to ourselves.

Are you cool with that?

But, you know, I'm an actor.

I'll act cool.

Probably be some of the hardest acting
I've ever done.

Maybe I'll play it with a mustache.

Storage rooms give me the creeps.

Please hurry up, honey.

If you want little round waffles,
wait till I find the iron.

I want the little round waffles.

Here it is!

Right underneath the can of bug bomb.

Is the best place to put something
that cooks food underneath poison?

You know what? I'll have toast.

Fog him! Fog him!

I don't know what to do
about this coat.

I'll take it.

That might work.

What do you think?

You're on in five, Ms. Minnelli.

No, it's just a bit sudden.

It's great, okay?
I am totally onboard.

I love you too. All right, bye.

What's the matter?

Nothing. No, actually...

great news!

I just spoke with Emily...

and looks like I'm moving
to a new apartment.

Why?

Her thought is, and I agree...

fresh new furniture,
why not a fresh new apartment?

Her cousin has a place to sublet.

It's got a view
of the river and Columbia.

That's way uptown!
That's three trains away...

which is great!

I love to ride that rail.

You're okay with this?

It's kind of far from work...

but I'll get so much done
on the commute.

I've been given the gift of time.

That's so funny. Last Christmas
I got the gift of space.

We should get them together
and make a continuum.

Now he's moving?

Man, what is Emily doing to him?

He's not even here!

You guys!

We were in the storage area,
and we saw this creepy man.

It was this crazy-eyed,
hairy beast-man.

It was like a Big Foot
or a yeti or something.

He came at us,
so Rachel used a bug bomb on him.

I pulled the tab
and I just fogged his yeti ass.

Like, dark hair, bushy beard?

Yeah, you fogged Danny.

Please! We did not fog Danny.

Who's Danny?

Danny just moved in.

He just got back from a four-month
trek in the Andes. Nice fella.

He's nice.
You know, you always...

stick up for the people we fog.

You might not remember us,
but we're the girls that fogged you.

We're really sorry we fogged you.

Just so you know,
we didn't mean to fog you.

We thought you were
like a yeti or something.

Sorry to bother you, but we can't
accept your acceptance of our apology.

It doesn't really seem
like you mean it.

That guy is so rude!

Really! What is with that guy?

You'd forgive me if I fogged you.

You did, a little bit.

Oh, my God, honey. I'm so sorry.

- I totally forgive you.
- Really?

You know my friend Chris
who owns the crematorium?

Crematorium Chris? Sure.

He said he would cremate
my fur coat for free...

if I bring in the next person
I know who dies.

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God. Look at these pelts!

Don't get too attached.
She's having it cremated.

You're quirky, and I get a big kick
out of it. We all do.

But if you destroy
a coat like this...

that is like a crime
against nature.

Not nature. Fashion!

This is fashion?

So to you, death is fashion?

That's funny.

Here's Phoebe...

sporting cutting-edge
hairy carcass...

from, you know, the steel traps
of wintry Russia.

You really think this looks good?

Because I do!

I miss you too.
I can't wait to see you.

I love you. Bye.

What is in here, rocks?

No, it's my collection
of fossil samples.

So, rocks.

I'll miss this apartment.

You know, Ben took his first steps
right over there.

Remember when I ran into this
and it knocked me out?

I love this place.

To tell the truth,
I wish I didn't have to move.

Are you saying that you're not
entirely happy about this?

If Emily gave me a choice

You do have a choice!

Why are you listening to her?
Are you crazy?

It's not right what Emily wants
you to do. She's totally

Stop pinching me!

You guys said to keep my mouth shut
if Ross was happy, right?

He just told me
that he's not entirely happy.

What's going on?

We all hate Emily!

No, Ross, we do not hate Emily.

We just think that
you're having to sacrifice...

a whole lot to make her happy.

We just think that maybe
she's being a little unreasonable.

Yes, unreasonable.

Unreasonable?

How about we have this conversation
when one of you marries?

You have no idea what it takes
to make a marriage work.

It's compromise.
Do you always like it? No.

Do you do it? Yes.

Because it's not all laughing,
happy, candy in the sky...

coffee at Central Perk.

It's real life, okay?

It's what grownups do.

I think he's right.

You guys hang out at
the coffeehouse way too much.

- I feel so guilty about Ross.
- I know.

I kind of feel like it's my fault.

Kind of?

You should have kept this to yourself.

I'm keeping so many things to myself,
something was bound to slip out!

I think it's very brave
what you said.

I can't sit here anymore.
I have to walk places.

What's with the coat?
How about the animal rights thing?

I've been reading up,
and for your information...

minks aren't very nice.

- So they deserve to be killed?
- Well, they are real bad.

Okay, I admit it.
I love this coat, okay?

It's the best thing I ever had wrapped
around me, including Phil Huntley.

Remember Phil Huntley?
He was fine.

So you like the short hair better?

Yeti? Danny?

I had to cut my hair to get rid of...

the fogger smell.

Listen, I'm so sorry.
I would have never fogged you...

if you hadn't looked so....

Absolutely. Some people
are just into appearances.

What?

It's cool.

No, that is not cool.

You don't even know me.

You got the shopping bags
and the Saks catalog.

From that, you've got me
all figured out?

Well, you don't.

You know, I could have toys
for underprivileged kids in here.

Do you?

You know, if kids like to play
with capri pants.

Stop saying that. I hate that!

I judged you.
I made a snap judgment.

But you did it too, and you're worse.
You're sticking to your judgment.

You can't even open your mind to see
you might be wrong.

What does that say about you?

That pizza place
across the street any good?

I'm hungry. You want some pizza?

You can keep yelling.

Stop saying that. I hate that.

Are you still mad?

Good! We have an "I'm Sorry" song.

You know what?
I'm not in the mood.

Look, Ross.

I feel really bad.
You're going through all this stuff...

and I just acted like a jerk.

- We are so sorry.
- You're stepping on the song.

We were way out of line, all right?
We totally support you.

Whatever you decide,
whatever you do.

Now you're just taking lines
out of the song.

This is hard enough, okay?
I really need you guys right now.

Yes, exactly! And that's why....

Why don't you come over tonight,
and I'll make your favorite dinner.

Thanks, you guys.

Are you wearing fur?

Let's get some perspective, people.

It's not like I'm wearing
a seeing-eye dog coat!

You know, I think I kind of
understand why I lost it today.

You do, huh?

You see...

I'm an actor, right?

So I got to keep my emotions
right at the surface.

I got a lot of balls in the air,
you know?

It's tough. Guys like me,
you wander around, you're alone.

What are you talking about?

I'm not sure.

Look at you!
Where have you been?

I went to have pizza.

With Danny.

- What happened?
- That yeti is one smooth talker.

Yetis are smooth-talkers. That's why
you never see any pictures of them.

"Come here, baby. Give me the camera."

I hope you're not full.
Dinner's almost ready.

I think I'll probably
just hang out in my room.

Why?

Come on, you guys!

If Emily knew I was having dinner
with you, she'd flip out.

It's okay. I really don't mind.

Wait, wait. You know what?
Just stay.

Please.

It would mean a lot for me
if you stay.

Ross, I just

Please, just have dinner with us!

Settle down.

All right. I'm sorry.

You see, Rach, I'm an actor.

Hey, look!
Ugly Naked Guy's back.

We haven't seen him in so long.

Oh, God! I really missed
that fat bastard.

This is so weird.

I realized this may be
the last time we hang out together.

It's almost as if he knew.

I'll get it.

Hi, Emily.

You tracked him down. Hold on.

Yeah, we're just having dinner.

Sure, hold on.

She wants to say hi.

Hi, Emily!

Hello, everyone.

So who am I saying hello to?

Well, I don't know
about who's here...

but I can tell you who's not here,
and that's Rachel!

I should hope not.
Ross knows better than that by now.

You know what? Rachel is here.

She's there?

Oh, yeah, there she is!

She's here.

Take me off speakerphone.

How could you do this to me?

I made my feelings about Rachel
perfectly clear.

I'm just having dinner
with my friends, okay?

- You can't keep away from her.
- That's ridiculous.

- Hello? Hello?
- Who is this?

It's Ross. What are you doing?

Sorry, dude, I had to make a call.

Joey.

Joey, they don't have two lines,
they have two phones.

Gotcha.

I'm sorry. Emily, listen.
I have never cheated on you.

I'm moving for you. I'm cutting
friends out of my life for you.

Please, get on the plane
and come to New York, okay?

You're the only one
I want to be with.

I'll feel better when I'm there.
I can know where you are all the time.

You can't know where I am
all the time.

This marriage will never work
if you don't trust me.

You're right.

Can you trust me?

I think it's going okay.

Looks like he's smiling.

How can you tell?
You can only see his back.

You can totally tell!

Here, look, watch me.

Smile.

Frown. Smile.

Frown.

Smile.

I guess that's it.

Why? What happened?

My marriage is over.

Look at you, you're shivering.

Here.

Honey, is there anything we can do?

You can help me
get my furniture back from Gunther.

Stop tormenting me!

This is mink, okay? They're mean,
and they hate squirrels.

Most of these probably
wanted to be coats.

Fine. No, I get it.

Here.

You take it.

Are you happy now? I'm cold!