Friends (1994–2004): Season 5, Episode 2 - The One with All the Kissing - full transcript

You look cute in bubbles.

You're just all liquored up.

Hey, it's me. I'm coming in.

I've had a very long, hard day.

- You're home early.
- Yeah, my date threw up.

Want some chicken?

No, thanks. No chicken. Bye-bye.

You sure?
Some extra-crispy, dirty rice?

For the last time, no!
Get out, Joey!

All right.

Are you okay? He wouldn't leave.



He kept asking me if I wanted chicken.

Chicken?

I could eat some chicken.

Could I get a three-piece,
some coleslaw, some beans and a Coke?

Diet Coke.

The One With All the Kissing

- Morning, Phoebe.
- I have to tell you this story.

I was coming over
and this cabdriver

Was his name Angus?

What?

He was a cabdriver
we had in London.

All right. Anyway

What was that pub he took us to?

The Wheat Sheaf!



And they had that beer....

Boddington's!

Phoebe was going to tell a story.

So he had a really funny hat.

I don't want to talk about it.

- Hey.
- Hey, Ross!

Boddington's!

Oh, man!

I'd walk back to London for another
frosty one of those bad boys.

They have them at the
British pub by the Trade Center.

Later!

Shouldn't Rachel be back?

Her plane got delayed.

But she should be here by now.

So you talked to her?
Did she sound mad?

No. But she likes me.

You abandoned her
on a plane to Greece.

I did not "abandon" Rachel. Okay?

Emily showed up at the airport.

I had to go after her.
I did what I had to do.

She's my wife.
Rachel is my wife.

Emily!

Emily is my wife.

Man, what is that?

You haven't heard from Emily?

Not since I lost her at the airport.

I can't believe she can outrun you.

Hey! She's fast, okay?

You think you can beat me?
Let's go! Outside!

- I'm sorry. I'm just a little
- Slow?

Oh, you want some?!

Okay, get the shoes on! Let's go, man!

It's cool, okay?

You're the fastest!

- Hi!
- Oh, my God, Rachel!

Rach, I am so sorry.
I am so, so sorry.

Come on.
You just did what you had to do.

That's it? You're not mad?
It must've been terrible.

Terrible? Hell, I was in Greece!

There was a nice hotel, nice beach,
met the nice people.

It's not too shabby for Rachel.

So, what, that's it?

We're cool. Totally cool.

Thanks, Rach. You're the best.

Oh, no. You're the best.

Oh, I got to go to the flower store.

No one will tell me where Emily is...

so I'm sending 72 long-stemmed, red
roses to her parents' house.

One for each day
I've known and loved her.

That should get her talking.

When you make out the card,
be sure to make it out to "Emily."

It's good that you had
such a good time in Greece.

What?

I didn't have a good time in Greece!

Ross abandoned me!

I couldn't get a plane out.
I had to stay in their suite!

People came up to me going,
"Mrs. Geller! Why are you cry?"

I mean, it was so humiliating!

I felt like such an idiot!

It's all my fault. You know why?

Because I make very bad decisions.

Oh, that's not true.

Yes, it is true.
I went after Ross in stupid London!

London is stupid! Stupid!

I put on a cheerleading outfit
to seduce Joshua.

Then I lost him because I asked him
to marry me after four dates.

And then I went to Greece
on somebody else's honeymoon. Okay?

Do those sound like very good
decisions to you?

I like your little braid.

I just shouldn't be allowed
to make decisions anymore.

Phoebe, you were right.
I should've never gone to London.

From now on, you make
all my decisions for me.

Oh, no.
I did that for someone once.

I'm not comfortable having
that power over someone's life.

I'll do it.

Fine. Monica, you are now
in charge of my love life.

Okay. I got to go to work.

And Rachel, great to have you back.

Always a pleasure.

Rachel? Sweetie, look.

Here's a cute picture of you and Joey.

He's married.

Ross is married.
I still can't believe it.

Honey, sweetie, by the edges.

I'll just have to accept it.

I mean, it's my fault.

Edges! Fingers! Smudgy!

Oh, my God!

That's okay. I know that
you're very upset right now.

I know that wasn't about me.

I bet it was about her a little.

If you'd stop thinking about Ross...

you'd notice there are
great guys everywhere.

Look. Gunther.

He's nice. He's cute.

Yeah. I guess Gunther is....

What about that guy over there?

That's the guy you flirted with
at the counter.

- Oh, I don't know. I don't know.
- You're going to talk to him.

I make your decisions,
and I say you're going to talk to him.

All right.

You're the boss.
I got to do what you tell me.

Say that to him, and you're golden.

Hey, Phoebe.
We got our pictures back from London.

Here's all of us
at the Tower of London....

Here we all are.

There's Ross and Joey and you and

And me.

We've been talking about
London too much.

Sorry, it's just because
I couldn't be there.

All I get to do now is pregnant stuff.
It bums me out.

- I'm sorry.
- Sorry.

Know what I like to do?
It sounds a little corny...

but sometimes when I'm bummed out,
I like to just close my eyes...

and think about
what a wonderful gift life is.

See?

- What happened?
- A little of this, a little of that.

I got myself a date tomorrow.

See? Didn't I tell you?
You're getting over Ross already.

Get out.

What took so long?

I got caught up at work.
But I'm quitting tomorrow.

So thanks for having me over.

See you, man.

What the hell was that?

Probably some European
goodbye thing he picked up in London.

That's not European.

It felt French.

Well, I guess it's time for me
to say goodbye too, mon frere.

Come here and give me a little sugar.

I really had a good time.

Yeah, me too.

I guess this is it.

Unless you want to come inside?

Wait a minute. You know what?
I can't decide this.

Okay. Just hold on a second.

Where's Monica?
I have to ask her something.

Doing her laundry.

What's that?

It came in the mail today.

It's 72 long-stemmed red roses.

One for each day
I've known and loved Emily...

cut up into mulch.

Honey, that's awful.

It's not so bad.

Monica's going to make potpourri.

I think I'm going to go
wander out in the rain for a while.

It's not raining.

I can't catch a break!

You're not going anywhere.
Sit right here.

I'll make you some tea
and we'll talk this out.

All right?

Hey, Dave.

I need to take a rain check.
My roommate is really sick.

Okay. Bye!

Honey, listen.

I know things seem so bad...

and that they won't get any

Could I talk to you?

I dropped some socks.

What is the matter with you?
Do you want to fall into the trap?

You did not drop any socks!

I saw Dave, and he said
you blew him off!

You listen to me!

I'm calling the shots!
I say you leave Ross and go get Dave.

What are you doing?

Well, ultimately I was trying,
you know, I wanted...

to tell him that
I'm still in love with him.

What? You cannot tell him that!

Why? Why not?

People love to hear that!

Come on, I love you.

- Wasn't that nice?
- No.

I make the decisions and I say no!

You know what? No, you don't
make my decisions, because...

you're fired.

You can't fire me.

I make your decisions,
and I say I'm not fired! Ha!

Well....

Come on, let me in!

Having some trouble?

Rachel locked the door.

I'll kick that door in
if you give me some sugar.

Ross, there's something
I wanna talk to you about.

- I just need to
- Rachel, open this door!

- What, is it locked?
- She's fine. Listen....

Rachel, I can do this
all night if I have to!

- You want me to get that?
- No. Just let her do her thing...

and we'll do our thing.
Because I really need to tell you

Thank you.

Rachel? Can I talk to you
outside for a sec?

We really need to talk.

Well, then talk.

Okay, I will.

Remember that thing we just discussed
that you wanted to do?

What thing?

Rachel wants to take
swing dance lessons.

Which I think is a really stupid idea.

It's dangerous.
She won't get what she wants.

And who knows who she might
end up hurting?

Monica's right.
Swing dancing can be tricky.

I have to use the phone.

I gotta cancel those five giant
teddy bears I sent to Emily.

My God! Think of the massacre.

I'm going to do it.

I know you think I'm crazy.

But before you tell him,
try to find one person...

who thinks it's a good idea.
I bet you can't.

Please?

All right. Fine.

Joey! I'm in!

All right. Good deal.

- Hi.
- Hey, Rach.

- Did you find anyone who agrees with you?
- No.

But you know what?
I think I need a male point of view.

Joey.

- You're a man.
- You got that right.

Do you think it would be a good idea if I
told Ross that I was still in love with him?

Nope.

- Phoebe!
- Hey, Phoebe.

- Phoebe?
- Yeah.

You know how you were saying
you didn't get to go to London...

and you were feeling left out?

Well, we all felt really bad
about that...

so we decided to
take a little trip together!

Oh, that's so nice!

How great! Where's the trip?

Well, we thought we would all
go to a picnic...

in Central Park!

Central Park?

All of us. All day.

That sucks!

That's not a trip!
I just came from there.

What'll we high-five about
at the stupid park?

It's right by my house.
All right!

I'm going home to bask in the
triumph of my Central Park idea.

Hold on a sec there, Mr. Kissy.

I wanted to talk to you about...

this whole new European thing
you've got going on.

And I need to say
it makes me very uncomfortable...

and I just, you know, just stop it!

Just bringing some culture
to the group.

That's fine.
Just don't bring it in my mouth.

It makes me want to puke.

Hey, everybody! Phoebe is here!

- Phoebe! Woo!
- Okay. Woo! Hi!

Phoebe, we decided that
the picnic idea was a little....

It didn't have any....
Well, it blew.

We thought that this afternoon we'd
all go away for the whole weekend...

to Atlantic City.

Atlantic City! Oh, that's
a great plan! Whose plan was that?

Mine!

- Wait. It was my plan.
- No...

I said we needed a new plan.

And I came up with Atlantic City.

Which is the new plan.

Why don't we all
meet upstairs in an hour.

I'm going to go pack.
I'm going to go pack my ass off.

Well, I think I'm gonna grab some coffee
because my ass is already packed.

Let's go.

You know what?
I'll meet you in a minute.

Rachel, you didn't find anyone,
so you can't tell him.

You know what?
That doesn't matter.

Do you know how painful it is
to tell someone you love them...

and not have them say it back?

I don't care.

I can't watch.

What you reading?

Paper.

Yeah? What's it about?

Events from around the globe.

There's something
I have to talk to you about.

Everyone's saying I shouldn't.

But I think they're wrong.
People can be wrong.

Once at work...

I thought carbon dating
is fossilized

I'm really trying to tell
you something here.

Go ahead.

I think I'm just going to say it.

I'm just going to say it.

I'm still in love with you, Ross.

I'm not sure what to do
with that right now.

What? Was that a joke?
Because it's mean.

I'm so dead serious!

I'm totally serious!

Why are you laughing?

Because I just heard it!

I heard it. And it's ridiculous!

I mean....

You're married!

You're married,
and it's just ridiculous!

When I said it, I sort of
floated up out of my body.

And then I heard myself say it,
and then the floating Rachel....

I was like, "You are such an idiot!"

- Well, I am married.
- I know.

Though I haven't spoken to her
since the wedding.

I'm sorry. That's not funny.

Actually, it kind of is.

My wife won't return my calls.

I don't know where my wife is.

"Hey, Ross! Where's the missus?"
"Don't know!"

Oh, God!

You know what?
Could you forget I told you this?

Well, I kind of have to.

Because the thing is

The thing is, you know,
that you're married to Emily.

That is what the thing is.

Oh, God.

Things won't be weird between us,
right? Was that stupid?

Me telling you that?

I'm glad you did.

If nothing else...

it's always great when someone
tells you they love you.

That's what I said!

- Thank you for being so nice.
- No. Thank you for....

Thank you.

Oh, God. I'm just glad I didn't give you
the cassette I made of all of our songs.

- What songs?
- Oh, you know:

- "With or Without You."
- Oh, yeah.

- "Everybody Hurts."
- Oh, yeah.

- "Rhiannon."
- Why "Rhiannon"?

Come on, you remember!
In the living room?

On Monica's laundry?

Not me.

Really.

So, what happened?

Well, it was really hard...

but I'm glad I did it.

So was I right or wrong?

- Oh, come on, honey, does it really matter?
- No.

Yes. I need it for my score book.

Diary.

- Okay, let's go!
- Yeah, Atlantic City!

Come on!

Atlantic City, baby!

Let's roll some bones.
Hey, Joey!

High-five for rolling bones.

Phoebe, you're leaking.

Oh, my God! Your water broke!

Oh, okay.

Well, don't worry. I call shotgun.

Phoebe, we have to take you
to the hospital now.

Okay. Well, there's probably
one on the way to Atlantic City.

Phoebe, the babies are coming now.

Honey! High-five!
The babies are coming!

Remember when my water broke?

I can't believe Phoebe's going
to have her babies!

I know.
It's beautiful and amazing.

I can't believe I had to kiss Phoebe
and Rachel every time I left the room.

It's too bad they didn't
see us having sex.

Do you know anything about women?

- It's all right.
- Okay.