Friends (1994–2004): Season 4, Episode 8 - The One with Chandler in a Box - full transcript

Chandler tries to earn Joey's forgiveness by lying in a wooden box for six hours. Monica accidentally gets ice in her eye and her doctor turns out to be Richard's son and it's discovered Rachel exchanges the gifts she received in the past.

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It's me. I know you
can't stand to see me.

I'm trying to apologize
over the phone--

I shouldn't have kissed
your girlfriend--

Stop calling!

This is 92.3 WXRK, K-Rock...

...calling with our $ 1 OOO
daily challenge!

All right!

What is the name of...

...your roommate who is very sorry
and would do anything--?

-Damn it, Chandler, stop calling.
-Joey, it's Ross.

-Sorry.
-lt's all right.



What's up?

Not much. l got Chandler
here and he's really, really sorry--

The One with Chandler in a Box

Oh, turkey!

Giving thanks!

Look, everyone.
lt's the spirit of Thanksgiving!

Are things with Joey better?

They couldn't be worse.
l spent eight hours calling him...

...trying to get him
to talk to me.

Eight hours.

You could probably use
a plug-in telephone headset.

Should we all expect Christmas gifts
that are stolen from your office?

You shouldn't.

Speaking of Christmas....



Since Monica and l are starting
a new business and have no money...

...this year we could do Secret Santa
and each only buy one gift.

And there's the added mystery
of who gets who.

Who gets whom.

l don't know why l do that.

But it is correct.

Hey, what's this?
lt's all of your names.

Let's pick.

Hey, what's going--?

-No, Joey, stay.
-We're picking names for Secret Santa.

Okay.

l invented Secret Santa, you know.

What are you laughing at? You're the
one who said Die Hard was your idea.

lt was.

Don't make me show you the napkin.

l'm going to take a nap.
Turkey makes me sleepy.

We haven't eaten yet.

l know, but all that work
you're doing to get it ready and....

Did you pick Rachel for your
Secret Santa? l'll trade for her.

l picked her.
Thank God, you want her!

Why do you want to get
rid of her so badly?

She exchanges every gift she gets.

lt's impossible to get her
something she likes.

Come on, let's trade!

l got her that backpack
and she loved it.

l remember she cried
when that big dog ran off with--

There was no big dog.

This sucks! l already got her
a briefcase with ''R.G.'' put on it.

Her initials.

Okay, l'm really bad at initials.

You got your shopping done early.

Yeah, well, my Camel Cash
was about to expire.

Maybe you can give it to somebody
else. Like Ross Geller!

You know what?
lt's a girlie briefcase.

Who cares!
He works in a museum.

The big game's about to start!

Ross and Joey aren't here.
You can watch the parade if you want.

Thanks.

What is wrong with this freezer?

-What happened?
-lce just got in my eye!

People are trying
to sleep in here!

Monica got ice in her eye
and it hurts!

-Open it up. Let me see.
-l can't. lt really kills.

Maybe you should put
some ice on it.

-lt looks bad.
-We should take you to a doctor.

No, my eye doctor is Richard!

l can't go to him
when l don't have a boyfriend.

He's really picky about his patients.

You've got to go.
What's his office number?

Like l remember his office number!

Speed dial seven.

l'm calling on behalf
of Monica Geller's eye.

ls Richard Burke in today?

He's not in. Will she
see the on-call doctor?

-Yes.
-She's very excited about that!

Okay, we'll be right in.

Okay, so who's gonna take her in?

l'll go, you can watch your parade.

lt's so cool.
Till Monica gets back, l'm head chef.

And l get to make all the decisions.

She told you to follow
the recipe exactly.

Get out of my kitchen.

l think l'm making
some progress with Joey.

When l walked in,
he went to his bedroom...

...but he only slammed the door once.

Yeah, he gave me the finger
while doing it.

l've got to call my mom and
ask her a left-handed cooking question.

l'm gonna be in there.

While l'm gone....

Chandler, you're in charge.

l picked Monica for Secret Santa, but
l'm getting her something for Hanukkah.

You want to switch?

l was trying to trade...

...for you.

Really? That's so nice.
What are you getting me?

l don't know, R.G. l was thinking
something girlie for your office.

Maybe Phoebe will switch with me.

Then you'll get stuck with Rachel,
and she exchanges every gift.

No, l got her lots of stuff
she never took back.

Like?

Like that gold necklace
l got her last year.

When did she wear it last?

She wore it all Christmas day
and then....

Big dog?

What are you doing?

Sending back this stuff
Chandler bought.

-Even the TV?
-No, l'll put that in my room.

Listen, Joey.
l know what he did was wrong.

But can't you hear him out?

lf Chandler had kissed Rachel,
would you hear him out?

That's a good point.

How long you going to punish him?

Five years.

You've sentenced him?

Don't do the crime
if you can't do the time.

The guy's your best friend.

Was my best friend.

l don't know why
you're pushing for him.

With him out of the way as
my best friend, there's a spot open.

-Who, me?
-Yeah.

l'm honored. You know what
l'm going to do as your best friend?

l'm going to get you
to talk to Chandler.

All right.

But if you weren't
my best friend....

Oh, my God. ls it really that bad?

l walk in the room,
and he won't talk to me.

He just mumbles something in ltalian.

And l know he only knows
the bad words.

l'm so, so sorry.
l feel responsible.

lt's not your fault.

-Gunther, have you seen Chandler?
-l thought you were Chandler.

But one of you is over there.

Hey, Joe.

l'll be right with you.
Thanks for coming in.

Oh, my God!
How cute is the on-call doctor?

So cute that l'm thinking
about jamming this pen in my eye.

-You have the best luck with eye doctors.
-l know.

Dr. Burke will see you now.

Not Dr. Burke.
The on-call doctor will see me now.

Dr. Richard Burke is out.

Dr. Timothy Burke, his son,
will see you now.

Ready?

Hey, l'm sorry. That--

-Where you going?
-My folks' .

When you coming back?

l don't know. l might stay there
while l look for an apartment.

What?

l thought we could talk
about this. Work it out.

Seeing you two together, l don't....

What do you want me to say?
Should l stop seeing her?

lt's not about her. Okay?

But seeing you together
reminds me of what you did.

l won't live with someone who doesn't
know what it is to be a friend.

l know what it is to be a friend.
l screwed up.

Yeah, you did.

And that's why l'm leaving.

lf you're not going to stay for me,
then at least stay for them.

They had a very difficult year.
What with the robbery and all.

And that chick used to be very cute.

When that guy was robbing us...

...and l was locked in the
entertainment unit for six hours...

...do you know what l was doing?

l was thinking about
how l let you down.

lf l knew what kind of friend
you'd be, l wouldn't have worried.

Wait one second! There has
to be something that l can do.

lf we still had that unit...

...l'd get in it for six hours
and think about how l let you down.

What?

We got a box.

l remember the last time l saw you.

lt was the morning l left for college.

You were standing
outside the Dairy Queen.

Just probably waiting for it to open.

-You look great now.
-You look great too.

You're an excellent patient.

How does it look?

You have a scratch on your cornea.
You have to wear a patch.

Like a pirate?

lf that helps you.

How long have you been working
with your dad?

Come on, one of us had to mention him.

l moved back here a couple months ago.

Big family dinner tonight?

No way!

l was gonna have Thanksgiving
at my girlfriend's.

But we broke up.

She wasn't ready
for a serious commitment.

So you made her walk the plank,
aye, matey?

You're not wearing the patch yet.

l know.

-He's coming here for Thanksgiving?
-l know. lt's sick.

-Why is it sick?
-lt's Richard's son!

lt's like inviting
a Greek tragedy over for dinner.

lf it were Greek,
l'd be blind in both eyes.

l like him because he's handsome and
he's nice and smart and handsome.

Phoebe, you understand, don't you?

l could see where l'd be
your best shot, but no.

Sorry, honey. l think it's twisted.

-What's twisted?
-Me going out with Richard's son.

lt sounds like a really bad idea to me.

-ls he okay in there?
-He's fine!

lf things work out
between you and Richard's son...

...you can tell your kids...

...that you slept
with their grandfather.

Judge all you want to.

Married a lesbian,
left a man at the altar...

...loved a gay ice dancer...

...threw a girl's wooden leg
in the fire, live in a box!

What exactly is the point of the box?

The meaning of the box is threefold.

One, it gives me the time
to think about what l did.

Two, it proves how much l care
about my friendship with Joey.

And three...

...it hurts.

And if he stays in the box
you guys will be friends again?

Let's just say it's a start.

Remember that necklace
l gave you last year?

Can l see it?

Why?

l just want to check something.

Okay.

Now we'll see.

Air hole! Air hole!

Here it is. l love it.
l wear it all the time.

The necklace l got you was gold.
This is silver.

Well, maybe...

...it changed.

Oh, my God!
You actually exchanged it.

lsn't it better to exchange it
for something l enjoy...

...and can use a lot?

What did you get?

Credit.

l'll get it. l'll get it. l'll get it.
l'll get it. l'll get it.

Hi, Tim.

Thank you.
Come meet my friends.

Phoebe.

And Joey.

My brother, Ross.

And Rachel.

That's Chandler.

How do you do?

-What's--?
-Well, he's....

He's doing some thinking.

-What happened?
-You kissed my girlfriend!

l like those sunglasses.

''Like them'' like them? Or ''l'd like
to get store credit'' like them?

This turkey is ready.

Where can l wash up?

Let me show you.

The towels are hanging next
to the sink.

-And you can use the fancy soap.
-Thank you.

Fancy soap? l thought we were
saving that for the pope.

See. He's nice, right?

Do you want a relationship
where you can actually say:

''That's not how your dad
used to do it''?

Everything looks great.
Where should l sit?

Saved you a seat.

Sick, sick, sick, sick.

l'll get it.

Got you!

That doesn't sound
like thinking to me.

-Sorry!
-You shouldn't be talking at all.

You've got too much thinking to do
to be talking and joking.

Okay, you got it!

Ross, pass me the yams?

Joey's got the mashed potatoes
if you want to exchange them.

Will you stop!
What's the matter with you?

We've got company.

Nothing's the matter with me.

l'm not completely devoid of sentiment.
l have feelings.

Okay, fine.

You can't tell, but l'm breaking
the tension by mooning you guys.

All right, look!

lf this is a big joke to you,
forget about it.

This means something to me.

lf it doesn't mean anything to you,
then get out of there.

Otherwise, you're just
an idiot in a box.

You're right. l'm sorry.
This means a lot to me.

l want to be friends again.
l swear l won't say another word.

-So you'll take this seriously?
-Absolutely!

That sounds like another word to me.

Are you going to take this seriously?

Okay!

Don't say that l have no sentiment.

This is a movie stub
from our first date.

This eggshell is from the first time
you made me breakfast in bed.

This is from the museum,
the first time we...

...were together.

Maybe l exchange gifts sometimes,
but l keep the things that matter.

l don't know what to say.
l'm sorry.

Though you're not
supposed to take these.

lt's, like, a million years old.

We actually have people
looking for that.

-Mind if l smoke?
-Care if l die?

No, l'm just kidding, l'm just kidding.
Go ahead, smoke.

This always happens.

Here, let me.

Thank you.

You have very beautiful...

...eye.

My friends think this is weird.

Even the one in the box?

lt's not weird, is it?

l thought it would be. l almost
canceled, but it really isn't.

l know. Me and your dad,
that's totally separate.

l totally agree.

We're two people
who find each other...

...very attractive.

Right?

-What?
-Nothing, nothing.

No, really.
Was that not okay?

No, that was good.

That was a good kiss.

-lt reminded you of--
-Don't say it!

-lt did, didn't it?
-Yes!

l know!

God, l am sorry. l am so sorry.

lt's okay. lt wouldn't be Thanksgiving
without a little emotional scarring.

You know what's even worse?

My friends were right.

You know what's worst for me is you remind
me of a younger version of my mom.

-l want you to know how sorry l am--
-lt's okay.

-Chandler's the one l'm mad at.
-Well, l'm still sorry.

-ls he here?
-ln the box.

He can't talk right now.

Why not? What's going on?

He's trying to show Joey
how much he means to him.

-By being in a box?
-Joey had reasons.

They were threefold.

You not being able to talk
might make this easier.

Listen....

l don't want to be someone
who comes between two best friends.

l can't stand seeing
what this is doing to you guys.

And l don't want to be
the cause of that.

l don't think we can see
each other anymore.

l'm going to my mom's in Chicago.

l'm going to stay there for a while.

l think this could have been
something really amazing.

But, you know, this is
probably for the best.

You know?

l'm going to miss you.

Goodbye, Chandler.

Open the box!

What?

He can still catch her.
Get out of there! Get out of there!

We're going to be fine.
Get out!

You did some real good
thinking in there.

l mean, this is....

You could still catch her!

And merry Christmas
from your Secret Santa!

All right, who got Chandler?
Because l need to trade.

He sees her!

He's catching up to her.

She sees him!

They're hugging!

He's taking her purse.

That's not them.

l'll go call the police.

There they are!

All right, get a room.

[ENGLlSH]