Friends (1994–2004): Season 4, Episode 24 - The One with Ross's Wedding: Part Two - full transcript

NARRATOR:
Previously on Friends:

- I can't believe you won't be there.
- I know.

Why can't you take a couple of days off?

- Because I can't.
- This is my wedding.

- I can't wait to see it.
- Her parents got married there.

It's the most beautiful place.
It's right over...

Oh, my God!

The only thing I understand is
postponing is not an option.

This wedding is not gonna happen.

If you don't love this, then we'll do it
any other place or time. It's fine.

It's perfect.



- I'm going to London.
- What?

It's not over until someone says, "I do."

I do! I do! I do!

Rachel, no!

[PHONE RINGING]

The Waltham residence.

Hi, is this Emily's parents' house?

This is the housekeeper.

And, by the way, that is not how one
addresses a person on the telephone.

First one identifies oneself...

...and then asks for the person
with whom one wishes to speak.

[IN BRITISH ACCENT]
Um, this is Phoebe Buffay.

I was wondering, please...

...if it's not too much trouble, please...



...um, might I speak with
Miss Emily Waltham, please?

Miss Waltham is
at the rehearsal dinner.

And it is not polite
to make fun of people. Goodbye.

[IN NORMAL VOICE]
No, no! I'll be nice, I swear.

Could you just give me their number?

I'm afraid I'm not at liberty
to divulge that information.

Somebody is on their way to ruin the wedding,
and I have to warn them.

So give me that number
or I'll come over there...

...and I'll kick your snooty ass
all the way to New Gloukenshire!

[DIAL TONE HUMMING]

Hello? Hello? Oh!

Ooh, she knew I could kick her ass.

JUDY:
Hi, sweetheart.

ROSS:
Mom, Dad.

Oh, sorry, we're late.

My fault. I insisted on riding the tube.

Judy, the kids!

That's what they call the subway.

Oh!

I thought...

Dad, we got it.

Oh! Here comes my dad and stepmom.

Mr. And Mrs. Geller.

This is Steven...

...and Andrea Waltham.

STEVEN:
How do you do? Very nice to meet you.

- Ha, ha!
- Eh, darling, the Gellers.

Darling, it's the Gellers.

She's self-involved.
I should never have married her.

- Sorry, what?
- It's the Gellers.

- Where?
- That's one and that's another one.

Lovely to meet you.

Nice of you to pay
for half the wedding.

Oh, the hell with tradition!
We're happy to do it.

Oh, we know how expensive
weddings can be.

Besides, this may be
the only wedding we get to throw.

Ahem, ha, ha.

A joke that's funny in all countries.

Sir?

- What's in it?
- Goat cheese, watercress and pancetta.

That's not food.

No, I don't want it.

Everything's different here.
I want to go home.

I miss my family, the coffeehouse.

I can't remember
what Phoebe looks like!

Joey, it's been three days.

[MOUTHS]
Oh.

Okay, you're just a little homesick.

Would you just try to relax
and just enjoy yourself?

You're different here too.

You're mean in England!

JACK:
What the hell?

What's up, Dad?

This bill for my half. It's insane.

Why is it so much?
The reception's at their house.

Flowers, liquor. Re-carpet first floor?

New guest bath, landscaping.

I'm paying to remodel this house.

I'll give that son of a bitch
a piece of my mind.

Dad. Please.

I don't want anything to upset Emily.

She's had a hard enough
couple of days as it is.

Here. Let me go talk to him.

You tell him no one takes advantage
of the Gellers.

Ooh, Jack.

[CHUCKLES]

Sometimes I forget
how powerful you can be.

[BOTH MOAN]

And I'll go get drunk.

Oh! Oh! Oh!

- Hi.
- Hello.

Hello.

Um, when is your next flight to London?

- There's one leaving in 30 minutes.
- Oh!

And I do have one seat left.

Oh, thank you, thank you.

The last-minute fare
on this ticket is $2700.

Ugh. I don't have enough left
on my credit card.

You can split it with another card.

Okay, how about five?

Oh, thank you.

I need to see your passport.

I don't have it, but I can tell you
where it is on my nightstand.

You know what?
I have my driver's license.

And I have a 20.

Face it, my father is not gonna pay
for the built-in barbecue.

And believe me, you can
kiss your gazebo goodbye.

I might be able
to get you the new lawn.

Ah! Then you have to give us
the lawn ornaments.

I go back there with lawn ornaments,
he'll laugh in my face.

Will you say something, Steven?

Don't take that tone with me.

All right, you can.

- Hi, Pheebs.
- Oh, thank God!

Oh, you changed your mind. Ugh!

You probably don't want
to talk about it.

You're doing the right thing.

- Bye, Pheebs.
- Where are you going?

What are you doing? No, wait.

Why am I always pregnant
when she does that?

[CLINKING]

I'd like to toast Ross and Emily.

My big toast is tomorrow.

This is kind of my little toast,
or Melba toast, if you will.

Okay.

Ahem. I knew Ross when he was, uh,
going out with his first girlfriend.

Oh, heh.

I thought things would work out
until he over-inflated her.

[CHUCKLES]

Oh, dear God!

[CELL PHONE RINGS]

Hello, Waltham Interiors.

Oh! Hi, Mrs. Waltham.

I need to speak with, um,
one of the best men or Ross' sister.

- Who is this?
- Oh, Phoebe, one of Ross' best friends.

If you're Ross' friend,
why aren't you here?

Um, I can't fly.
I'm having my brother's babies.

Oh.

Am I on the radio?

No. Um...

...can I talk to one of them?
It's important.

I'm bored of you now.
I'm going to cut you off.

Oh!

We're excited that, uh, Ross and Emily
are getting married at Montgomery Hall.

To think, my friend getting
married in Monty Hall.

Oh, come on, Monty Hall!

Let's Make a Deal.
Come on, you people!

All right, forget it.
Congratulations, Ross and Emily.

Hey. Best man number two,
Joey Tribbiani. Ha, ha.

I'm not good with the jokes
like Chandler here.

[SCOFFS]

But, uh...

...congratulations to the happy couple.

I first met Ross
in this coffeehouse back home.

Home.

New York City.

Where everybody knows my name.

Uh, anyway...

...uh, I love you guys.

But not as much as I love America.

Can we please go home now?

Are you going home?

I was hoping to get
to know you better.

I'm not going anywhere, sweetheart.

I was laughing.

Out loud?

I didn't want everyone
to think I was stupid.

So how are you doing?

My mom's driving me crazy.
But Ross is getting married!

I'm happy. I won't let anything spoil that.

[LAUGHS]

CHANDLER:
Mm-hm.

I just want to say that
Ross is a wonderful young man.

Oh, thanks. We like him. Ha, ha.

My God! You must have been
a teenager when you had him.

There's no way in hell I'm paying for it.

Look, we're down to just one point.

Could we please just settle it
after the wedding?

Fine, but I'm not paying
for your wine cellar...

...you thieving, would-be-speaking-
German-if-it-weren't-for-us man!

The guy was hammered.
There's no way you look like Ross' mother.

- Then why would he say it?
- Because he's crazy!

Earlier, he thanked me for my very
moving performance in Titanic.

My mother's right. I'll never get married.

Ha! You know what, that is...

Who wouldn't want you?

Please! I'm a single mom
with a 30-year-old son.

I'm getting married today!

Whoo! Heh.

Morning.

I'm getting married today!

- Yeah, you are.
- Woo-hoo!

Do you think he knew I was here?

I've never done that with you before. Heh.

Nope. Ha, ha.

So, uh, how are you?

You okay?

Yeah, yeah.

- You?
- Oh, yes, yes.

Uh-huh.

You?

We did you.

Hmm.

Well...

- I better get going.
- Oh, absolutely. Ha, ha.

Could you not look?

I don't want to look.

[SIGHS]

- Uh, uh, excuse me.
- Yeah.

If you're planning on doing that
the entire flight...

...please tell me now
so that I can take a sedative.

Or maybe slip you one.

It's just, I'm, uh, kind of excited.

I'm, um, going to London
to, uh, tell this guy that I love him.

[RACHEL CLEARS THROAT]

[WHISTLING]

[PHONE RINGING]

- Hello.
- Where the hell have you been?

Hey.

I spent the night out.
I met this cute bridesmaid. She is...

I don't want to hear it!

Aw, Pheebs, you know you're still
my number one girl.

We have an emergency.
Rachel's coming to London.

Oh, great!

No, she's coming to tell Ross
that she loves him.

But he loves Emily.

I know that!

You have to stop her.
She's going to ruin the wedding.

Okay.

I've done my part, okay?

It's your responsibility now.
The burden is off me.

Right.

So tell me about this girl.

Hey. Have you seen Monica?

I'm not seeing Monica.

- What?
- What?

Look, we gotta find her.

Phoebe called. Rachel's coming
to tell Ross she loves him.

- Oh, my God.
- I know. We gotta find Monica.

- Know where she is?
- No, okay?

What's with the third degree?
Why don't you just shine a light in my eyes?

Then I realized all this stuff
I had been doing...

...proposing to Joshua,
lying about why I couldn't come...

...was all just a way of...
- Oh! Oh! Oh!

I'm sorry. Can I interrupt?

I just want to say that you are
a horrible, horrible person.

Pardon me?

You're about to ruin
the happiest day of his life.

I have to agree
with your friend Pheebs.

This is a terrible, terrible plan.

- But he has to know how I feel.
- But why?

He loves this Emily.
No good can come of this.

Ugh! I think you're wrong.

Oh, no!

By the way, it seems to be clear
you were on a break.

[GASPS]

Oh, my God!

It's like a fairyland.

I know. It's horrible, isn't it?

I love it. I only hope
my wedding looks this good.

- Ha! I just hope...
- You can let some go by.

[WHISPERS]
Psst. Monica.

Start looking out for Rachel.

I'll cover the door.
You watch that big hole.

I've got Chandler covering Ross.

Why would I care where Chandler is? Heh.

You know, uh...

...sometimes I don't even like Chandler.

- Okay.
- Heh.

ROSS:
I do.

I do.

Oh, it's the second one.

Right?

Hello, Joey.

Hey, Felicity.

Um, I thought about you all day.

- Yeah?
- Ha, ha.

Talk New York to me again.

- Forget about it.
- Heh.

How you doing?

FELICITY: Mm!
- Ha-ha-ha.

[FELICITY MOANS]

We're not paying
for your wine cellar.

You have to meet me in the middle.

My foot will meet
the middle of your ass.

[STAMMERING]

- What's going on?
- Oh, everything's under control.

You want a piece of me?
Is that what you're saying?

ROSS:
That's it!

Parents! Parents! Back away!

This is our wedding day!

From now on, everyone gets along.

And if I hear one more word...

...no grandchildren!

That's right!

Okay, okay.

Sorry, old boy.

Sorry. Sorry.

I could kill you
with my thumb, you know.

What was that about?

It was this disagreement over...

[SIGHS]

My God! You look beautiful.

Oh!

Oh! You can't see me
before the wedding. It's bad luck.

I think we've had all the bad luck
we're going to have.

[FELICITY MOANING]

[CHUCKLES]

My God, heh, Rachel!

[ROSS LAUGHS]

You're here. I can't believe it.

- Ha.
- Uh...

Why are you here?

I just came to...

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

I just needed to tell you...

...congratulations.

[PLAYING SLOW SONG]

[CELL PHONE RINGS]

Waltham Interiors.

PHOEBE:
Mrs. Waltham? It's Phoebe.

Can I talk to one of the best men?
This is going to be the last time.

There's a girl on the phone for you.

Oh, great!

Hello?

It's Phoebe.

Did you stop Rachel?

But she just hugged him. That's it.

- Nothing got ruined?
- No.

Oh, that's so great!

Oh! So, what's going on now?

Uh...

...I'm walking down the aisle.

Still walking.

Now I'm at the front with Ross.

It's Phoebe!

He looks pretty mad.

Uh, I better go.

Wait! Hold it up so I can listen.

[JOEY CLEARS THROAT]

- What we did last night was...
- Stupid. Hmm.

- Totally crazy, stupid.
- Ha, ha.

What were we thinking? Heh.

I'm coming over tonight though, right?

[MONICA CLEARS THROAT]

Oh, yeah, definitely.

[BAND PLAYING "BRIDAL CHORUS"]

Friends, family...

...we are gathered to celebrate...

...the joyous union of Ross and Emily.

[OVER PHONE]
May the happiness of today...

...be with them always.

Now, Emily, repeat after me.

- I, Emily.
- I, Emily.

- Take thee, Ross.
- Take thee, Ross.

PASTOR: As my lawfully wedded husband,
in sickness and in health...

...till death parts us.

As my lawfully wedded husband,
in sickness and in health...

...until death parts us.

PASTOR:
Now, Ross.

Repeat after me.

I, Ross.

Take thee, Emily.

Take thee, Rachel...

Emily!

Ha. Emily.

[CROWD MURMURING INDISTINCTLY]

Uh...

Shall I go on?

[English - US - SDH]