Friends (1994–2004): Season 4, Episode 19 - The One with All the Haste - full transcript

Ross proposes to Emily. Monica and Rachel try to win their apartment back from Chandler and Joey.

MAN [SINGING]:
Morning's here

The morning's here

Sunshine is here

The sky is clear

The morning's here

Hey!

Do you have to do that?
It's Saturday!

Oh, come on!

Morning's here!

[SINGING]
Morning's here

The morning's here



Sunshine is here

I hate this apartment!

I hate the color of these walls!
I hate that this place still smells like bird!

I hate that singing guy!

Are you kidding? I love that guy!

[SINGS]
Morning's here, morning is...

Stop it!

I will kill you.

I hate that my room is so small.

I have all the space I need.
Just do what I did.

Monica, you don't even have a bed.
You sleep in a ball on the floor!

You know what?
I am tired of your bellyaching.

I've worked really hard at making this
a nice place for us to live.

I know. I'm so sorry.



I'm sorry, okay?

This is a great apartment.

Shut up. This place is a hole.

Oh, blimey, I still can't believe
you've got an earring!

I know, I know.
Who am I? David Bowie?

He does that?

- I don't know. Whatever.
- Ha, ha.

Well, I think it makes you look
really dangerous.

- Oh, I know.
- Ha-ha-ha.

You know what?

I never would've gotten this
if it weren't for you.

No, really. When I'm with you, I'm like...

...this whole other guy.
I love that guy!

I mean, I love you too. A lot.

But that guy!

I love that guy!

- I love both of you.
- Ah, heh.

I wish I didn't have to go.

Then don't.

Stay here. Don't go so soon to London.

- Just one more day.
- Oh, Ross.

- One more day.
- Please don't do this to me again.

You know I'd stay, but I've already missed
so much work. They'll fire me.

So? Then you could stay
as long as you want.

I wish I could.

Oh, no, don't... Don't...
Don't start packing.

Come on.

I don't think you understand packing.

I don't want to leave it
till the last minute.

Last time I packed in a rush,
I left my knickers here.

Yeah, I know. I, uh, tried them on.

You didn't!

No, I didn't.
I didn't want to be "that guy."

[GRUNTING]

Hello.

Ho, ho, ho.

- Excuse me?
- Your pants.

Oh, yeah! You like them?

I went to a used-clothes store
and got maternity stuff.

These are so comfortable.

[LAUGHS]

Uh, Pheebs, those are,
uh, Santa pants.

- What?
- Santa pants.

Santa Claus' pants.

Nuh-uh. They're maternity pants.

They even came with
a list of baby names. See?

These names are good,
and these are bad.

Oh.

- Hey!
- Hey.

RACHEL:
Hey, Pheebs.

So, how are the elves?

I don't know.
How are the, uh, you know?

Your clothes aren't funny.

Hey, guys,
what should I wear to a Knicks game?

Uh, a T-shirt that says,
"I Don't Belong Here"?

You have tickets?

Mom got Dad's season tickets in
the divorce, so she gave them to me.

Apparently, they're good seats.

Oh, my God!
Those are almost on the floor!

Do you guys want these?

- Yeah!
- Yeah, we do!

Well, you got them!

- All right!
- Just give us our apartment back.

Whoa, I didn't see that coming.

Are you serious?

Come on. We know what these are worth.

Do you think we're stupid?

Not stupid. You're meaner
than I thought.

- What do you say?
- Forget it.

Okay? I'm not giving up my
bachelor pad for basketball seats.

Your "bachelor pad"?

Have you even had a girl here?

No.

But Joey has, and I usually
talk to them in the morning time.

Yeah, you do.

Come on!

Gunther, can I get
two cups of chino, please?

Good one.

Come on. Season tickets.

Season tickets!
You know what that means?

Forget it.
I'm not giving up the apartment.

When I was a kid, my dad's company
gave season tickets...

...to the Number 1 salesman every year.
All right? My dad never won.

Of course, he wasn't in sales.
But still, I never forgot that!

- Hey guys!
- Hey.

Oh, my God.

We don't make enough
fun of you already?

Oh, yeah. Emily convinced me to do it.

You do know that Wham broke up?

Ah! Ha, ha.

I like it. And Emily likes it.
And that's what counts.

So, uh, how are you guys doing?

Don't try and talk all normal
with that thing in your ear.

Where's Emily?

Ugh, she's saying goodbye
to her uncle.

- Didn't she, like, just get here?
- Yeah! Yeah.

Easy, tiger.

I just hate this so much.

Every time I go pick her up at
the airport, it's so great.

But I'm thinking, "I'll be right back
in a couple of days, dropping her off."

- So, what'll you do?
- There's nothing to do.

She lives there. I live here.

She'd have to move here.

She should move here.

What?

- I can ask her to live with me.
- Are you serious?

- Why not? I mean, why not?
- You've only known her six weeks!

I've got a carton of milk in my fridge
I've had a longer relationship with.

Look, guys, when I'm with her,
it's like...

Uh, she brings out this great side of me.

I mean, I love her, you know?

And I love the milk!

But I won't ask some British girl
to move in with me.

Joey, you say things now.

Look, Ross. He's right.
Emily's great.

She's great!

But this is too soon.
You're only gonna scare her.

- I don't wanna do that.
JOEY: No.

You don't want to wreck it.
Don't go too fast.

No. You're right.
I know, you're right.

I'm not going to do it.

- Thanks guys.
- No problem.

Just remember to wake us up
before you go-go.

It's too hard. Too hard!

All right, boys.
Last chance for the tickets.

Otherwise, I give them to my
new boyfriend, Joshua.

No, thank you.

Wait, wait. Come on, come on!
Let's trade.

The timing's perfect!
I just clogged the toilet!

I want those seats as much as you.
But we can't live in the small apartment...

...after we've lived here!
Ever read Flowers for Algernon?

Yes.

Ever read Sports Illustrated?

No, I didn't read yours!

We can go to the game tonight!

The only way I'll consider this...

...is if they offer more
than just season seats.

- It's the Knicks!
- Screw the Knicks.

Whoa!

I didn't mean that. I just meant...

...that the apartment is worth
so much more.

Huh.

And the Knicks rule all.

Yeah, the Knicks rule all!

Hey, so? Are you going to do it?

No, we're not going to
because it's not an even trade.

All right, look.

What if you could keep the apartment
and the tickets?

Done!

Let me finish. I'm talking about a bet.
Winner takes all.

Ooh, we could get nothing.

- Or you can end up with everything.
- Oh, I like that.

What do you say?

- No!
- Just do it!

Oh! Oh, I'm convinced!

Come on, man!
You know I'd do it for you.

Because you're my best friend.

All right. But you can't
use that again for a whole year.

I'm in.

[ALL CHEER]

This is so exciting!
What are you going to bet?

Okay. Well, we should
let Phoebe decide...

...because she's the only one
who's impartial, and she's so pretty.

Okay. Ha, ha. Um...

Ooh, ooh. Oh, I have a game!

- This is great!
JOEY: Okay. What's the game?

Um, well, it doesn't have a name.
No, okay. Phoebe Ball!

No, it doesn't have a name. Um...

Okay, Monica.

What is your favorite thing
about trees?

- They're green?
- Good! Good, five points!

[CHEERING]

All right, Joey...

Same question.

Uh...

- Oh! Heh. They're tall.
- Ooh, three points.

Both fine answers, but we were
looking for leafy. Leafy.

That's not even a game.

Shut up. We're winning!

You want to finish this?
We get a deck of cards.

High card wins.
What do you say?

- Let's do it!
- Oh, I have cards!

- Oh, good.
- Yeah. Here.

No, these are the trick deck.

Okay. Here, yes.

- Ahem.
- Okay.

Okay, you guys, uh, you pick first.

- Okay.
- Okay?

- Four.
- That's a low one!

Okay.

Phoebe, you look. I can't do it.

- What makes you think I can?
- That's okay.

Ace!

[ALL CHEERING]

Why are you hugging?

Because we won our apartment back!

What? Ace is high!
Jack, queen, king, ace!

No! Ace is low!
Ace, two, three, four!

I don't know.

Ooh! Oh.

Look it! Aah!

- All right, come on, pick again!
- Okay, give me.

- Okay.
- Okay.

Come on, apartment!
Come on, apartment!

[SIGHS]

Aah! I know queen is high!

Not as high as...

It worked! King!

[BOTH SHOUTING]

We pick again!
We pick again!

- Why?
- I don't know.

- Tickets, please.
- Ugh!

- That's courtside, baby!
- Yeah, ha, ha.

Seriously, good game, though.
Good game.

What are they so mad about?
They got the apartment back.

No, they didn't.

Hey.

Packed while you were gone.

I left some knickers under your pillow.

Move in with me.

What?

Don't be scared. It sounds crazy,
and people will say it's too soon...

...but just think.
Think how great it would be.

Oh...

I don't know.

Uh, oh, leaving London.

- My whole family lives there...
- I know.

- My job.
- You'll get a job here.

I always hear about them foreigners
stealing American jobs.

That could be you.

Yeah, but it's my whole life.

You come to England.

I can't. I would. I really would.
But my son is here.

I can't leave him.
You don't think there's any way?

Oh, I don't think so.

It would be different if it was
way into the future...

...and we were getting married
or something.

What?

Uh, no, right.
I shouldn't have said "married."

Uh, please don't go freaky on me.

I didn't mean it.
I didn't say it. I take it back.

No. Don't.

Why don't we?

Why don't we what?

Get married.

You are mad!

No, I'm not! It's perfect.
It's better than you moving here.

It's us together forever,
and that's what I want.

- We've known each other six weeks!
- Yeah, I know.

So what? Who's to say?
Does that mean we can't do it?

Look. I was with Carol for
four years before we got married...

...and I wound up divorced
from a pregnant lesbian.

I mean, this...

This makes sense for us.

Come on. Our first date, we ended up
spending the whole weekend in Vermont.

I mean, last night
I got my ear pierced. Me!

[LAUGHS]

This feels right.

Doesn't it?

My parents are gonna be really mad.

Is that...? Are you saying "Yes"?
Is that "Yes"?

Yes.

- Yes!
- Yes?

- We're getting married!
- Oh, my God!

- Yes! Ha, ha.
- We're getting married!

Come here, come here.

Ow!

Emily, will you marry me?

Yes.

Oh, it's a bit small.

Damn! I thought that'd be
romantic as hell.

It was.

- Those were, like, the best seats ever.
- Oh, yeah.

Hey, should we give these to the girls?
Like a peace offering?

That's very nice.
Plus, they were free and too small.

Oh, God.

JOEY:
Hey, you want a beer?

- Whoa!
- I know!

Open up! Open up! Open up!

We'll discuss it in the morning.

What the hell is going on?

We took our apartment back!

I had nothing to do with it.

Okay, it was my idea.
But I don't feel good about it.

Oh, oh!

We are switching back right now.

No, we're not. We're not leaving!

You'll have to. You both have jobs.

As soon as you do, we're switching back!
There's nothing you can do to stop us.

Right, Joe?

I don't know.

What?

I don't want to move again, with...

I don't care! This is our apartment
and they stole...

You stole!

Our apartment!
We won it fair and square. Twice!

And I am getting it back right now!
I'm getting it back right now!

All right.

We figured you might respond
this way, so we have a backup offer.

Oh, no more offers.
You can't offer anything to us!

- Let us keep the apartment and...
- As a thank you...

...Rachel and I will kiss
for one minute.

- Totally worth it.
- That was one good minute.

- Good night.
- Good night.

- Men are such idiots.
- I know.

Can you believe something that stupid
actually got us our apartment back?

It's funny. If you had just done that
after the last contest...

...no one would have
had to move at all. Ha, ha.

- Let's pretend that's not true.
- Yeah.

Okay. Scarf's done.

- Come on. Come on, come on!
CHANDLER: Okay.

PHOEBE: Hey!
ROSS: Hey.

What's going on?

Ross has some big thing
to tell everyone.

Uh...

Well, okay. It's, uh... Ahem.

Emily and I, we decided to, uh...

...to get married.

[ROSS & EMILY LAUGH]

- What?
- Oh, my God.

Oh, are you pregnant too?

No.

When did...? How did you...?

We just decided to go for it.

We know it's a bit hasty, but, uh...

...it just feels so right.

Um, I was just telling the guys...

Yeah, I heard.

I think it's great! Aah!

I'm so happy for you!

Well, yeah! Congratulations!

[ALL CHATTERING]

- I can't believe you're getting married!
- Yeah.

Monica and Rachel made out.

MAN [SINGING]:
Morning's here

The morning's here

BOTH [SINGING]:
Sunshine is here

The sky is clear

The morning's here

- Hey, you're back!
- Hey!

- Get into gear
- Breakfast is near

The dark of night has disappeared

- I'll see you tomorrow morning!
- Okay!

[English - US - SDH]