Friends (1994–2004): Season 3, Episode 6 - The One with the Flashback - full transcript

After Janice asks about past relationships between the friends, we go back three years earlier. Phoebe and Monica live together, but Phoebe is moving out - without Monica knowing. Chandler is looking for a roommate, but his first choice, a photographer who works with models, is frightened away by Mr. Heckles, so Joey moves in instead. It turns out that living with Joey isn't that bad after all, and Monica fancies him, leading Joey to get naked in her apartment. Rachel is engaged to Barry, but she wants one last meaningless relationship, and Chandler is just the man she needs. Ross is happy his wife finally has a friend, until he finds out they are lesbians. Phoebe consoles him, and they almost sleep together.

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Janice has a question.
Who of the six of you...

...has slept with
who of the six of you?

Wow, it's like a dirty math problem.

I'm sorry, the answer there
would be none of us.

Over the years, none of you
ever got drunk and stupid?

Well, that's really
a different question.

I can't believe a group of people
who spends this much time together...

...has never bumped uglies.

There was that one time
Monica and Rachel got together.

What?

Excuse me, there was no time.



Okay, but let's say there was.

How might that go?

Okay, okay.

Well, then answer me this:

Have any of you ever almost?

- Anybody need more coffee?
- Hey, there's a dog out there!

- Ugh. That is so unfortunate.
- What?

Cute Naked Guy's
starting to put on weight.

I'll be back in just a minute.

I'm sorry that I left lipstick marks
on the phone.

You didn't leave lipstick marks
on the phone.

Oh! Then it must have been you. Bye.

Bye-bye.

- That's why I moved out.
ROSS: Hey, while we're on that...



...when are you gonna tell my sister
you don't live here anymore?

On some level, she already knows.

She doesn't know you sneak out
every night...

...and back every morning...

...and that you've been
at your grandmother's for a week.

Okay, well, maybe not on those levels.

- Hey.
ROSS: Hey.

I'm never gonna find a roommate.
Ever.

Nobody good?

There was the guy with the ferrets.

That's plural.

The spitter. Oh! And the guy
who enjoyed my name so much...

...he made a noise
every time he said it.

"Nice to meet you, Chandler Bing.
Bing!"

"Great apartment, Chandler Bing.
Bing!"

- How many more tomorrow?
- Two.

This photographer
who seemed really dull...

...and this actor guy
who I'm not sure about.

When I answered
the phone, "Chandler Bing"...

...he said, "Whoa! Short message!"

MONICA:
Ross...

Foot on the floor
or come over no more.

Your dresser is missing,
but this she notices.

- What?
- I have to go. Heh.

Carol should be home by now, so...

- How's it going with you guys?
- Better, actually.

I finally figured out why we're
having so much trouble.

- Oh, really?
- Yeah. You know how I have you guys?

She doesn't have any close
friends that are just hers.

But last week, she met this woman
at the gym, Susan something.

And they really hit it off, and
I think it's gonna make a difference.

So, uh, Eric...

...what kind of photography do you do?

Oh, mostly fashion.

There may be models here sometimes.
I hope that's cool.

Yes, that is cool.

Uh, because I have models here,
you know...

...never.

Ooh! During the summer, I spend most
weekends at my sister's beach house...

...which you're welcome to use.

Although I should tell you,
she's a porn star.

Well, I still have
one more person to meet.

But unless it turns out
to be your sister...

...ahem, I think your chances
are pretty good.

All right.

Bedroom, bathroom, living room.

This here is the kitchen,
and thanks for coming by. Bye-bye.

Don't you, uh, wanna ask me
any questions?

Sure. Uh... Hmm...

What's up?

Well, I'm an actor.

I'm fairly neat.

I got my own TV.

Oh, and don't worry, I'm totally
okay with the gay thing.

Ha, ha. What gay thing?

Uh, just, you know, in general.
The whole people-being-gay thing.

Totally cool with that.

Okay, Jerry.
Thanks for stopping by.

- Hi.
- Hey.

[MOUTHS]
Oh, my God!

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING ON JUKEBOX]

Hey, Mon.

- Wanna hear something that sucks?
- Do I ever!

- Chris says they're closing the bar.
- No way!

They're turning it into
a coffee place.

Just coffee?

- Where are we gonna hang out?
- You got me.

- Can I get a beer?
- Did you pick a roommate?

- You bet.
- Is it the Italian guy?

Hmm, yeah, right.

He's so cute.

That's what I want.
A roommate I can walk around with...

...and be referred to
as "the funny one."

Table's free. Rack them up.
Back in a minute.

Get ready for me to whip your butt.

Okay, but after that
we're shooting some pool.

Oh, ahem, no, no, no.
Excuse me? Hello? Hi.

My friend ordered an onion...

...not an olive.

And I ordered a rum and Diet Coke...

...which I don't think this is.

- I am so sorry.
RACHEL: That's all right.

How hard is it to get a couple
drinks right, huh?

[CHUCKLES]

Well...

I would like to propose a toast...

...to the woman who, in one year
from today, will become...

...Mrs. Dr. Barry Farber, D.D.S.

I think it's time
to see the ring again.

[SCREAMING]

Ugh! Isn't it exciting? I mean,
it's like having a boyfriend for life! Heh!

Ahem. Yeah, I know.

What?

Oh, I don't know.

Well, maybe it's just the idea...

...of Barry for the rest of my life.

I don't know, I think I...

I feel like having
one last fling...

...just to sort of get it
out of my system.

- Rachel, stop!
- You're so bad! Ha!

I'm serious. I really think
I need to just have...

...some meaningless sex,
you know?

With the next guy I see.

Excuse me, I seem to have
dropped my ball.

Yeah, so?

And now I've picked it up again.

My God!
I went to high school with her.

Rachel!

Hi.

Monica!

Look! Hi! What do you think?

Oh, my God!

You can't even see
where the Titanic hit it.

Yes, his name is Barry.
He's a doctor, thank you very much.

Aw, just like you always wanted.
Congratulations.

Thank you. So how about you?
Are you seeing anybody?

Not right now.

Oh, well, that's okay.

I know.

[BOTH LAUGH]

So I think I'll get back
to my friend.

Oh, yeah. Sure, sure, sure.

Can we have lunch
the next time I'm in the city?

That'd be great.

- Okay. Bye.
- Thanks. Bye.

Ten bucks says I never see
that woman again in my life.

No, honey, really. It's fine.

Just go with Susan.

Really, I think...

I think girls' night out
is a great idea.

Okay. Okay. Bye.

- What are they doing?
- I don't know. Something girly.

Hey, you're early.

What are you doing with the lamp?

Just taking it to get rewired.

Don't take it where you took the
stereo. They've had that over a week.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

No, no. Mr. Heckles, no one is making
any noise up here.

You're disturbing my oboe practice.

- You don't play the oboe.
- I could play the oboe.

Then I'm gonna have to ask you
to keep it down.

Who are you?

- I'm Eric, Chandler's new roommate.
- I'm Chandler's new roommate.

- I don't think so.
- I could be Chandler's new roommate.

- But he told me over the phone...
- He told me in person.

That's weird.

I'm going to, uh, go into
my new apartment now.

Huh?

[SHOUTS]

Hi again.

Hey.

Thank you so much.

Don't thank me.
Thank the jerk that never showed up.

Okay, I gotta get to work.

- You want some help?
- No, thanks. I got it.

- No, I don't!
- Whoa! Ha, ha.

- You okay?
- Yeah. Phew!

I stood up too fast.
Got a little head rush.

It's the heat.

[MONICA CLEARS THROAT]

And the humidity.

That's...

...a tough combination.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

Do you want to come in
for some lemonade?

Like you wouldn't believe.

Wow. This is a great place.

Thank you.

Just make yourself comfortable.

Gotcha.

So this place is really
my grandmother's.

I got it when she moved to Florida.
Otherwise I could never afford it.

So if the landlord ever asks...

...I'm an 87-year-old woman who's
afraid of her VCR. You thirsty?

You bet I am!

Okay...

...here's your penis!

Oh, my God!
What the hell are you doing?

You said, "You wanna come in
for some lemonade?"

So?

- Ah! Were you just gonna give me lemonade?
- Yuh-huh!

Cover yourself up!

Oh, right. Sorry.

God, I don't believe this!

Someone asks you in for lemonade
and that means they want to have sex?

Usually, yeah.
Well, not just lemonade...

...iced tea, sometimes juice.

Look, sorry. I just...

I thought you liked me.

I'm such a jerk.

It's okay.

I suppose it could happen to anyone.

Not anyone I know, but...

By the way, I can still see it.

- Pheebs?
- Huh?

Where's your bed?

It's not in the apartment?

Oh, no!

I can't believe this
is happening again.

- What?
- Okay, enough with the third degree!

I don't live here anymore.

- What are you talking about?
- I'm sorry.

I don't live here anymore.

I didn't know how to tell you.
But, you know, everybody else knows.

Everybody knows?

That was supposed to be a good thing.
I forget why.

Monica, do you know I couldn't sleep
for a month...

...because I got a dot of ink
on one of the sofa cushions?

You could've just turned
the cushion over.

I would have, but I had
a spaghetti stain on the other side.

What?

This is what I'm talking about.

I need to live in a land
where people can spill!

Well, you can spill.

In the sink.

Oh, honey. It's not your fault,
you know. This is who you are.

And I love you.
And I want us to be friends.

And if I stay here,
I don't see that happening.

- I love you too.
- Good.

[MONICA SIGHS]

What?

What? I'm just sad.

No, you're not.
You're wondering which cushion it is.

So what are you watching?

Baywatch.

What's it about?

Lifeguards.

Well, it sounds kind of stup...

Who's she?

JOEY:
Nicole Eggert.

We like her.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING ON TV]

Wow! Look at them run!

They do that a lot.

JOEY:
Hey, you want a beer?

- I'll get one.
- Don't get up. I got a cooler here.

CHANDLER: Hello?
- Hey.

Do you have any beers?
We're out of beers.

Help yourself.

You okay?

Phoebe moved out.

Right.

I don't understand.

Am I so hard to live with?
Is this why I don't have a boyfriend?

No...

You don't have a boyfriend because...

I don't know why
you don't have a boyfriend.

You should have a boyfriend.

I think so.

Come here.

Listen, you are one
of my favorite people...

...and the most beautiful woman
I've ever known in real life.

Hi.

Where is everybody?

Ugh, it's already closed. Chris gave me
the keys to lock up. What is wrong?

I think my marriage...

...is kind of over.

Oh, no! Why?

Because Carol's a lesbian.

And I'm not one.

And apparently it's not
a mix-and-match situation.

Oh, my God!

I don't believe it!

Oh, you poor bunny.

I'm an idiot.

I mean, I should have seen it.

I mean, Carol and I would be out,
and she'd see some beautiful woman...

...and she'd be, "Ross! Look at her!"

And I'd think:

"God, my wife is cool." Heh.

Aw. Hey, do you think that Susan person
is her lover?

Well, now I do!

I'm sorry.

Seven years!

I mean, we've been together
seven years.

She's the only woman
who's ever loved me.

She's the only woman I've ever...

Oh, Ross.

Mm. This is nice.

I know. It is, isn't it?

No, I mean it.
This feels really good.

Is it 100 percent cotton?

Yeah...

...and I got it on sale too.

I should go.

One of the lifeguards was just about
to dismantle a nuclear device.

If you want to get
a drink later, we can.

That sounds great.

Oh, and listen, it's gonna be...

I know.

Thanks.

Maybe this wouldn't have happened
if I'd been more nurturing...

...or I'd paid more attention...

...or I had a uterus.

- I can't believe it.
- I know.

You know, you don't deserve this.
You don't, Ross.

- You're so good.
- Thanks.

And you're so sweet.

- Thanks.
- And you're kind.

Thanks.

Come here.

ROSS:
Wait, wait, wait.

PHOEBE:
It's okay.

Wait, wait, wait!
My foot is stuck in the pocket.

- What?
- I can't get it out.

That's not something
a girl wants to hear.

Come on, don't start.

- Ow!
- What?

Stupid balls are in the way.

[CHUCKLING]

Oh, well.

That probably wouldn't have been
the most constructive solution.

You have chalk on your face.

Ugh. You're right. I don't know why
I always thought this was real grass.

Honey, you okay?

My wife's a lesbian.

Cool!

Ross, Joey. Joey, Ross.

I can't believe you came back.

Don't say anything.

I don't wanna speak.
I don't wanna think.

I just want you to take me and kiss me
and make love to me right here...

...right now.

[THE ZOMBIES'
"TIME OF THE SEASON" PLAYING]

It's the time of the season

When love runs high

KIKl:
Rachel!

Rachel!

- What?
- You missed the exit.

Oh! Sorry.

My God, what were you thinking about?

Ahem, um...

Barry.

Aw.

[English - US - SDH]