Friends (1994–2004): Season 10, Episode 16 - The One with Rachel's Going Away Party - full transcript

All right, let's play one more time, okay?

And remember, if I win,
you do not move to Paris.

Okay. I can't believe
I'm risking this again, but you're on.

All right, Joe, you remember the rules.
Heads, I win. Tails, you lose.

Just flip.

- Tails!
- Damn it!

So we thought we'd throw you
a little going-away party around 7.

Oh, that sounds good.

Hey, Rach, you're leaving tomorrow.
Shouldn't you be packing?

- It's all done.
- Oh, yeah, right.

And after I took a shower this morning,
I just threw my towel on the floor.



- Oh, God, it hurts to even joke about it.
- I know.

Honey, seriously, I did it all. The luggage
that I'm taking is in the bedroom.

This is Emma's Paris stuff. These are
the boxes that I'm having shipped...

and that's the sandwich
I made for the plane.

- Okay, you've done some good work.
- Yeah.

What about your carry-ons?

Oh, well, everything that I need
is in here...

and my travel documents
are on the counter...

organized in the order
that I will be needing them.

Oh, my God.
I have nothing left to teach you.

- Where's your passport?
- It should be next to my plane ticket.

- Well, it's not.
- What? Maybe I put it in here?

Oh! Oh, it's not in there!

Oh, no, I must have packed it
in one of these boxes!



- Here, let me help you.
- Shoot.

I can't believe I did this.

At what point did it stop being funny
that I took her passport?

Oh, wow, can you believe
you're only three weeks away?

I know.

- You don't mind me touching your belly?
- I don't mind you touching my belly...

but your hand's kind of blocking the
part where the baby's gonna come out.

- Hey!
- Hey.

Hi, Erica. Welcome back to town.
Wow, look how big you've gotten.

That's because I'm pregnant.

- Right. No, I understand.
- Oh, okay.

I'm just always afraid that people think
I'm just fat with big breasts.

No, no, I knew.

- Okay, well, stop staring at them.
- She brought them up.

I didn't realize
you were coming back so soon.

In a couple weeks
I won't be able to travel.

I wanted her to get to know the doctors
and get settled into the hotel.

- Why isn't she staying with you guys?
- Because we're moving in a couple days.

Plus, hotels are fun! My room has
this little fridge full of free snacks.

Erica, those things aren't free.

In fact, they have one of the highest
markups of any consumer product...

Ross, she's giving us her baby.
She can eat you if she wants.

I'll be right back.

Oh, man, I can't believe you guys
are leaving this place.

I know. I know.

You know, you could take it if you want.
The lease is still in Nana's name.

No, no. This will always be your place.
It would be too sad.

Plus, how much a month does it cost
to feed Joey?

Yeah, it takes two incomes.

Hey, is Chandler here?
We talked about catching a movie.

Oh, no, he doesn't have time for that.

You can go help him and Joey
pack up the guest room.

Hmm. Packing.
Sexy cheerleader comedy.

Hmm. Helpful brother.
Creepy loner at teen movie.

Creepy.

- What are you guys doing?
- Try it. I can't feel a thing.

Are you kidding?

- This is packing?
- We're taking a break.

From?

Jumping on the bed.

All right, Rachel's party is in a couple
of hours, and there's a lot to do.

Ross, you've got Geller blood.
You're in charge of these yahoos.

- You got it.
- All right.

She's right. We gotta get serious.

Let's put Styrofoam peanuts
down his pants and kick him!

No, guys, she's right. We should get
to work. I'll take stuff out of the closet.

Joey, you pack them, and Ross,
you repack whatever Joey packs.

You guys hear a ringing?

- What the hell is this?
- Hey, handcuffs. And fur-lined. Nice.

I didn't know you guys had it in you.

Chandler, you don't have a sister,
so you can't understand...

how much this bums me out.

I didn't know Monica had these.

Maybe she used them
with another boyfriend. Maybe Richard.

Why would she use them with Richard
and not me? I can be kinky.

I once did a naked dance for her
with scarves.

Bumming hard, guys. Bumming hard.

- Hey.
- Hey. Where's Mike?

Oh, he has a gig.

It's kind of like being married
to a rock star, you know?

My husband has a gig.

Yeah? Where is it?

Oh, he's playing organ
for a children's roller-skating party.

Rock on!

Wow, this is quite a spread.
What is all this stuff?

Well, I thought this would be a great
opportunity to use up all the food...

that I don't want to move
to the new house with me.

So enjoy. Smoked oyster casserole
with a breakfast-cereal crust.

Kidney beans in their own juices,
and for dessert, a questionable orange.

- Hey.
- Hey.

- Where's Rach?
- She's putting Emma down.

She'll be over in a second.
It just hit her that she's leaving.

She's kind of emotional, no one
say anything to set her off, okay?

Yeah.

Hey, Rach. Hey.

There she is.

Hi, you guys.

What did I just say?

Oh, no, no, no, it's okay. It's okay.
I'm gonna be fine.

- Come, I'll make you a drink.
- Okay.

Oh, man, I can't believe
she's actually leaving.

How am I gonna say goodbye to Rachel?

I know, she's been
such a big part of my life.

It feels like when Melrose Place
got canceled.

I mean...

Ah, forget it, I miss Melrose Place.

- I had a chance to stop her too.
- Yeah?

Who loses 57 coin tosses in a row?
You know?

Heads, she wins. Tails, I lose.

Wait a minute.

- Yes, Joe?
- I forgot to pick up my dry cleaning.

So you doing okay?

Well, I've been better.
You guys are gonna come visit, right?

Yes. You know, in six months,
the statute of limitations runs out...

and I can travel internationally again.

- I'm gonna miss you so much.
- I know.

You know what? Um, I have some
goodbye stuff that I wanted to say...

to each of you. And I was gonna save it
till the end of the night, but come here.

Hey, what do you think
they're doing in there?

If I had to guess, I'd say...

Rachel's putting on the bubble wrap,
and Phoebe's doing the punching.

Pheebs, I don't even know
where to start.

- Okay, well, before you do...
- Uh-huh.

I know we weren't supposed
to get you presents...

- but I do have something for you.
- Oh! Oh!

- What is it?
- Well, it's a cotton swab...

with a bit of my saliva on it...

so that if they perfect the cloning
process while you're over there...

you can use the DNA
to create your own Pheebs.

I'm gonna throw this away...

but thank you so much
for the gesture.

Chandler?

Um, I was just in our bedroom,
and I found these on my pillow.

Oh, yes, I decided to leave those
out for you in case Richard stops by...

and you want to engage in a little
light bondage and mustache play.

What are you talking about?
These aren't mine.

Oh, yeah, right!

Good luck getting another scarf dance
from me.

That would be a terrible punishment.

But I'm serious,
I've never seen these before.

Really? Then what are they doing
in our guest room?

Rachel used to live in that room.

Rachel. With handcuffs.

Interesting.

Joey's bare ass.

Well played.

- I love you, Phoebe.
- I love you too.

Please...

Please don't...

Don't turn into, you know,
a French bitch.

I won't.

All right. Well, if I'm gonna do this,
I better keep going.

- Okay.
- Okay.

- Monica?
- Yeah?

- Will you come with me?
- Sure.

- Are you wearing waterproof mascara?
- No.

Oh, you're so screwed.

What was that all about?

She's gonna say goodbye
to each of us individually.

Are you kidding? Oh, my God.

Yeah, I know.
It's gonna be even worse for you. God.

Well, just get ready
to do some serious crying.

Man, I'm not gonna be able
to handle this.

Now I know how my students feel
at the end of each year.

And why they act out
by giving me such bad evaluations.

Mon. Okay.

I better just say what it is
I'm gonna say.

None of the amazing things that have
happened to me in the last 10 years...

would have happened
if it wasn't for you.

No one has been
more like a sister to me.

I know what you mean.

You're like a sister to me too.

I don't know what
I'm going to do without you.

You're the greatest friend I ever had.

Seeing you every day.

What?

See you every day!

That is so sweet!

Oh, no, she took down Monica.

And I'm the crier in the family.

Oh, God, I could be next.

Maybe she won't talk to me if it
looks like we're in conversation.

- Okay.
- That thing you said about the thing...

it really made me think
about that other thing.

- Rash?
- Oh, it's okay, Chandler's talking to her.

I really made you think
about that thing, huh?

Uh, Rach, I think I have something
that belongs to you.

Oh, I'm sure gonna miss pretending to laugh
at your weird jokes that I don't get.

No, no, they're really yours.
We found them in your old room.

Well, these aren't mine.
Maybe Monica used to use them with...

Don't say Richard.

Well, if they're not Monica's and
they're not yours, then whose are they?

I think you're forgetting the kinkiest
former resident of that room.

- Pheebs!
- Yeah!

I think these are yours.

These are not mine.
Look how flimsy they are. Come on.

My God, you try to hang a guy
from a water pipe with these...

they'll snap like a piece of licorice.

- Can I talk to you alone for a minute?
- Sure.

You don't really handcuff guys
to water pipes do you?

Where do you think Mike really is?

Oh, honey...

Let me just saying something
because once we get into this...

I'm gonna get all uncomfortable
and probably make some stupid joke.

I just want to say that I... I love you.

And I'm gonna miss you.

And I'm so sad that you're leaving.

Oh, you know what?

Let's not say anything else.

I love you.

Not so tight.

- I'm sorry, give me one more chance.
- Okay.

Okay.

- Oh!
- I'm sorry. Just go. Just go.

I can't. I can't.

- So I guess you're next. You ready?
- I don't think so.

Oh, you're definitely not.
I haven't cried like that in years.

You cried yesterday at the 6:00 news.

That old woman was being scammed
by her mechanic.

God, I can't believe
she saved me for last.

Why are they taking so long?

I don't know.

But, God, Joey seems to be handling
it surprisingly well.

No!

Okay, here we go.

- Well...
- Yeah.

I think I'm gonna take off.

Oh, you guys, this was an amazing night.
Thank you so much.

I love you.

Good night.

What?

I don't get a goodbye?

Lucky bastard.

Unbelievable.
She says goodbye to everyone but me!

Well, maybe she thought that
with all of your history, it could be...

- you know, implicit.
- Well, it needs to be "plicit."

All right, let's think about this.
I mean, there's gotta be an explanation.

- Did you do anything to make her mad?
- No, I don't think so.

You know, maybe she was just
really spent from our talk.

- It was pretty intense.
- Yeah, mine too.

- Mine was a humdinger.
- Okay!

I mean, don't I deserve anything?
I mean, a few tears, a cursory hug?

Not from you!

Ross, if you're this upset,
you should go and talk to her.

And say what? You owe me a goodbye?

- I mean, he's got more pride than that.
- The hell I do!

- I don't get a goodbye?
- What?

Everyone gets a goodbye but me?
What do I gotta do to get a goodbye?

Huh? Be best friends with you?
Go out with you?

Have a baby with you?

Oh, wait a minute. Wait a minute!
I did all those things!

- Ross...
- Or maybe I'm just not giving you...

enough credit. Uh, I mean, it is
difficult to say goodbye to five people.

Goodbye, goodbye,
goodbye, goodbye, g...

It's physically impossible!

You know what?
After all we've been through...

I can't believe this is how
you want to leave things between us.

Have a good time in Paris.

- I hope Ross isn't too upset.
- I'm sure he's not more bummed out...

- than I am.
- Tell me about it.

Well, you can't say we don't know
how to throw a party.

I think I'm gonna head out.

- Uh, where do you think you're going?
- I thought I was going home to bed...

but I'm sensing there's something
less fun for me to do here.

We're moving in a couple days
and we got a lot of packing to do.

- It'd be great if you guys could pitch in.
- Joey and I can finish up the guest room.

Yeah, good idea.

Oh, no. You and Phoebe
are gonna help me in here.

You couldn't be cool.

We're gonna start in the kitchen.

Plates get put into plate protectors
and stacked 10 to a box.

The silverware gets bundled in rubber
bands and then bubble wrapped. Got it?

- Yeah.
- Good. I need you to be careful...

and efficient. And remember,
if I'm harsh with you...

it is only because
you're doing it wrong.

Hey, Mon, I think I figured out
whose handcuffs they are.

- You did? How?
- Well, I was cleaning out the closet...

and I found some pictures of them...

- being used.
- Oh, my God, let me see.

Who's that dirty old lady?

Monica's grandmother.

Oh, my God. Nana liked it rough!

- Hi.
- Hey.

Here, have a seat. Yeah.

- How was your night?
- Oh, it was okay.

I went to a movie with my cousin
then out for dinner.

We went to this place that had...

Anyway, they had these
really amazing cheeseburgers.

- Erica, are you okay?
- Yeah, you know, maybe I ate too much.

I keep getting these stomachaches.
They come and go every few minutes.

- Oh, my God.
- Relax, we'll just get her some antacids.

She doesn't have a stomachache!
She's in labor!

- Oh, my God!
- Yeah, you gotta get to the hospital!

Chandler, get the coats! Erica, let's go!
Phoebe and Joey, keep packing!

Oh, my God, we're gonna have a baby.

We're gonna have a baby!

Oh, my God, we're gonna have a baby!

Oh, God, I've gotta sit down!
I've gotta sit down!

- Honey, it's gonna be okay.
- You can do this. Just breathe.

Okay. Okay.

Okay, I feel a little better.

Oh! Are you sure?

- Yes, I'm sure. Oh, honey, let's go.
- Okay.

- Come, let's go.
- Bye!

- We're having a baby!
- Good luck!

- Chandler, wait, wait, wait!
- What?

If you get a second, find out
where she got that cheeseburger.

You think I didn't say goodbye
to you because I don't care?

That's what it seemed like.

I cannot believe that after 10 years
you do not know one thing about me!

- Then why didn't you say something?
- Because it is too damn hard, Ross!

I can't even begin to explain to you
how much I am gonna miss you.

When I think about not seeing you
every day, it makes me not want to go.

Okay? So if you think that
I didn't say goodbye to you...

because you don't mean as much
to me as everybody else, you're wrong.

It's because you mean more to me.

So there, all right?
There's your goodbye!

- Rash!
- What?

- You keep... You can't...
- What?

- A little more.
- Okay.

- A little more. A little more.
- All right.

Little more.

- All right. All right, let's do this.
- All right, ready?

Yep. Now give me your best shot.

All right. Here goes.

Doesn't work.