Friends (1994–2004): Season 1, Episode 7 - The One with the Blackout - full transcript

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Everybody. Shh. Uh, Central Perk
is proud to present...

...the music of Miss Phoebe Buffay.

Thanks.

Hi. Um, I wanna start with a song
that's about that moment...

...when you suddenly realize
what life is really all about.

Okay, here we go.

Okay. Thank you very much.

What...?

Oh, great. This is just...

This is so cool, you guys.

The entire city's blacked out.



Mom says it's Manhattan,
Brooklyn and Queens...

...and doesn't know when
it'll be back on.

- Wow.
- You guys, this is big.

Pants and a sweater.
Why, Mom?

Who will I meet in a blackout?

Power-company guys?
Eligible looters?

Can we talk about this later? Okay.

Can I borrow the phone?

I wanna call my apartment
and check on my grandma.

What's my number?

I never call me.

Oh, my God. It's her.

It's that Victoria Secret model.

Something Goodacre.



Hi, Mom, it's Jill.

She's right. It's Jill.
Jill Goodacre.

Oh, my God.

I am trapped in an ATM vestibule
with Jill Goodacre.

Is it a vestibule?
Maybe it's an atrium?

Yeah, that is the part
to focus on, you idiot.

Yeah, I'm fine. I'm just stuck
at the bank in an ATM vestibule.

Jill says vestibule...

...I'm going with vestibule.

I'm fine.

No, I'm not alone.

I don't know. Some guy.

Oh, some guy. I am some guy.

Hey, Jill, I saw you
with some guy last night.

Yes, he was some guy.

Hey, everyone.

Officiating at tonight's blackout
is Rabbi Tribbiani.

Chandler's old roommate was Jewish, and
these are the only candles we have...

...so happy Hanukkah.

Ooh, look. Ugly Naked Guy
lit a bunch of candles.

Ooh.

Oh!

Ooh. That had to hurt.

All right, all right.
It's been 14 and a half minutes...

...and you still haven't said
one word. Oh, God.

Do something.
Just make contact. Smile.

There you go.

You're definitely scaring her.

Uh, would you like to call somebody?

Yeah, about 300 guys I went
to high school with.

Yeah, thanks.

Hello?

- It's me.
- It's Chandler.

Are you okay?

Yeah, I'm fine.

I'm stuck in an ATM vestibule...

...with Jill Goodacre.

What?

I'm stuck...

...in an ATM vestibule...

...with Jill Goodacre.

I have no idea what you said.

Put Joey on the phone.

What's up, man?

I'm stuck...

...in an ATM vestibule...

...with Jill Goodacre.

Oh, my God.

He's trapped in an ATM vestibule
with Jill Goodacre.

Chandler, listen.

Yeah, like that thought
never entered my mind.

Come on, somebody.

I'll go. I'll go.

Okay, um, senior year of college,
on a pool table.

- Ooh.
- Pool table?

That's my sister.

Okay, okay.
My weirdest place would have to be...

...the women's room on the second floor
of the New York City Public Library.

Oh, my God. What were you
doing in a library?

- Pheebs, what about you?
- Oh, um, Milwaukee.

Uh, Ross?

Disneyland, 1989.
"It's a small world after all. "

No way.

The, uh, ride broke down...

...so Carol and I went behind a couple
of those mechanical Dutch children.

They fixed the ride, and we were asked
never to return to the Magic Kingdom.

Ooh. Rachel?

I already went.

- You did not go.
- Yes, I did.

Tell us. Come on.

All right, uh, the weirdest place
would have to be...

...the foot of the bed.

- Step back.
- We have a winner.

I've never had a relationship
with that kind of passion.

Where you have to have somebody right
there in the middle of a theme park.

It was the only thing to do there
that didn't have a line.

Well, Barry wouldn't even kiss me
on a miniature-golf course.

- Come on.
- No.

He said we were holding up
the people behind us.

And you didn't marry him because?

Do you think there are people
that go through life...

...never having that kind of?

- Probably.
- Really?

I'll tell you something.
Passion is way overrated.

- Yeah, right.
- It is.

Eventually, it kind of burns out.

But hopefully what you're left
with is trust and security and, uh...

In my ex-wife's case,
lesbianism.

For all those people who miss out
on that, uh, passion thing...

...there's other good stuff.

Okay.

But, um, I don't think that'll be you.

- You don't?
- Mm-mm.

See, I see, uh...

...big passion in your future.

- Really?
- Mm-hm.

- You do?
- I do.

Ross, you're so great.

Ah.

It's never gonna happen.

- What?
- You and Rachel.

Why not?

Because you waited too long
to make your move...

...and now you're in the
"Friend Zone. "

No, no, no.
I'm not in the Zone.

No, Ross.
You're mayor of the Zone.

Look, I'm taking my time, all right?

I'm laying the groundwork.

Every day I get
a little bit closer to, uh...

Priesthood.

Ross, I'm telling you, she has
no idea what you're thinking.

If you don't ask her out soon,
you'll end up stuck in the Zone forever.

I will, I will.

I'm waiting for the, uh, right moment.

What?

- What, now?
- Yeah.

What's messing you up?
The wine?

The candles? The moonlight? Huh?

You gotta go up to her and say,
"Look, Rachel, I think... "

- Shh!
- Shh!

- What are we shushing?
- We're shushing...

...because we're trying to
hear something.

- What?
- Uh, don't you hear that?

Ah.

- See?
- Huh.

- Would you like some gum?
- Oh. Is it sugarless?

- Uh, sorry, it's not.
- Then, no, thanks.

What the hell was that?

Mental note: If Jill Goodacre
offers you gum, you take it.

If she offers you mangled
animal carcass, you take it.

New York City has no power

And the milk is getting sour

But to me it is not scary

'Cause I stay away from dairy

La-la
La-la-la-la-la

- Here goes.
- You'll do it?

- I'll do it.
- Want help?

You come out there,
you're a dead man.

Ross, Ross.

Good luck, man.

Thanks.

- Okay.
- Okay.

- Where you going?
- Outside.

You can't go out there.

- Why not?
- Because of, uh, the reason.

And that would be?

I, uh... I can't tell you.

What's going on?

Okay, listen. You gotta promise you'll
never, ever tell Ross that I told you.

- About what?
- He's planning your birthday party.

Oh, my God. I love him.

You better act surprised.

- About what?
- My surprise party.

- What surprise party?
- Oh, stop it. Joey already told me.

Well, he didn't tell me.

Don't look at me.
This is Ross' thing.

This is so typical. I'm always
the last to know everything.

- You are not. We tell you stuff.
- Uh-huh.

I was the last one to know when Chandler
got bit by the peacock at the zoo.

I was the last to know you had a crush
on Joey when he was moving in.

What?

Oh. Looks like I was second to last.

It's so nice.

Hey, I have a question.

Uh, actually, it's not
so much a question...

...it's more of a general wondering...

...ment.

- Okay.
- Okay.

Here goes.

Um, well, for a while now,
I've been wanting to, um...

- Oh.
- Yes, that's right.

Look at that little kitty.

What?

I'm on the top of the world
Looking down on creation

And the only explanation I can find

Is the love that I found
Ever since you've been around

All right, this is just Bactine.
It won't hurt.

Ow. Ow.

Sorry, that was wax.

Poor little Tootie's scared.
We should find his owner.

Why not put "poor little Tootie"
in the hall?

During a blackout?
She'll get trampled.

Yeah?

You know, on second thought,
gum would be perfection.

Gum would be perfection?

Gum would be perfection.

Could've said, "Gum would be nice. "
"I'll have a stick. " But, no.

For me, gum is perfection.

I loathe myself.

Oh, no, the Mellons.
They hate all living things, right?

Oh.

Hi. We just found this cat...

...and we're looking for the owner.

Um, yeah, it's, uh... It's mine.

He seems to hate you.
Are you sure?

Yeah. It's my cat. Give me my cat.

Wait a minute. What's his name?

Um, Bob... Buttons.

- Bob Buttons?
- Uh-huh.

Bob Buttons.
Here, Bob Buttons.

Oh!

You are a very bad man.

You owe me a cat.

Here, kitty, kitty, kitty.

Here, kitty, kitty.

Where did you go,
little kitty, kitty, kitty?

Kitty, kitty, kitty. Come here, kitty,
kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty...

Hi.

Wow.

Come on, lucky sixes.

Everybody, this is Paolo.

Paolo, I want you to meet my friends.

- This is Monica...
- Hi.

...and Joey...
- Hi.

...and Ross.
- Hi.

Ha, ha. He doesn't speak much English.

Monopoly.

Look at that.

So, uh...

Where did, uh, Paolo come from?

Italy, I think. Heh.

No, I mean tonight, in the building?
Suddenly into our lives?

The cat turned out to be
Paolo's cat. Isn't that funny?

That is funny. And Rachel
keeps touching him.

I looked all over the building
and I couldn't find the kitty anywhere.

Oh, I found him.
It was Paolo's cat.

Ah. Well, there you go.
Last to know again.

And I'm guessing, since nobody
told me, this is Paolo?

Oh. Paolo, this is Phoebe.

You betcha.

All right. Okay. What next?

Blow a bubble. A bubble's good.

It's got a, uh, boyish charm.
It's impish.

Here we go.

Nice going, imp.

Okay. It's okay. All I need to do is...

...reach over and put it
back in my mouth.

Good save.
We're back on track and I'm...

...chewing someone else's gum.

This is not my gum.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

And now you're choking.

Are you all right?

Oh, my God.
You're choking.

Better?

Yes.

Thank you. That was...

That was...

Perfection?

What'd he say that was so funny?

I have absolutely no idea.

That's classic.

My God, you guys.
What am I doing?

This is so un-me.

If you want, I'll do it.

I know. I just wanna bite his bottom lip.

But I won't.

God. The first time he smiled at me...

...those three seconds were more exciting
than three weeks in Bermuda with Barry.

Did you rent mopeds?

Because I've heard...

Oh, it's not about that right now. Okay.

I know it's totally superficial,
and we have nothing in common...

...and we don't even speak
the same language...

...but, God.

Paolo, hi.

- Ross.
- Listen, uh...

Listen, um, heh,
something you should, uh, know.

Rachel and I are...

We're kind of a thing.

- Thing?
- Thing. Yes, thing.

- You have the sex?
- No.

No, no. Um, technically,
the sex is not being had. But that's, uh...

That's not the point.

The point is that, uh,
Rachel and I should be, uh...

Well, Rachel and I
should be together.

And if you get in the, uh...

- In bed?
- No.

Ha. No, not where I was going.

If you get in the way of us
becoming a thing...

...then, uh, I would be, well, very sad.

Oh.

So do you, um?

- You do know a little English?
- Little.

Do you know the word crap-weasel?

No? That's funny,
you are a huge crap-weasel.

Chandler, we've been here for an hour
doing this. Watch, it's easy.

- Ready?
- Mm-hm.

Okay? Now try it.

You gotta whip it.

Look, look. The last candle's
about to burn out.

Ten, nine, eight, seven...

...minus 46, minus 47,
minus 48...

- Thank you.
- Thanks.

Kind of spooky without any lights.

Okay, guys, I have the definitive one.

Uh, Ross...

This probably isn't the best time
to bring it up...

...but you have to throw
a party for Monica.

- This has been fun.
- Yes.

Yes. Thanks for, uh, letting me
use your phone...

...and for saving my life.

Well, goodbye, Chandler.

I had a great blackout.

See you.

Hi. Um, I'm account number 7143457.
And I don't know if you got any of that...

...but I would really
like a copy of the tape.

[English - US - SDH]