Fresh Off the Boat (2015–…): Season 1, Episode 6 - Fajita Man - full transcript
Eddie takes a job at the family restaurant to earn money for a new video game, and Jessica searches for a job of her own.
After Pops banned
Mom from working at the restaurant...
she was really determined to find a job.
Overqualified.
Not enough pay.
"Must be a team player"?
No.
Mom, Eddie's flicking my ear.
I'm just holding my hand here.
I'm not even touching him.
I feel phantom flicks.
Eddie, I could get by with only two sons.
Think about that.
That woman was tough.
She could handle anything.
- Excuse me, ma'am.
- Anything but an Orlando heat wave.
You really can't loiter
in the frozen food aisle.
I am not loitering. I am shopping.
4.99? I'll give you two.
The Popsicles are a set price.
They're not negotiable.
You're good. 2.50.
Ma'am, if you wanna beat the heat,
they sell air conditioners at Sears.
Oh. We have an air conditioner.
Moms just won't let us turn it on.
Air-conditioning is expensive.
Who do you think we are, the Chiangs?
Very prominent family in DC.
They're sort of the Liaos
of the upholstery world.
Very prominent family in Taiwan.
They made their fortune in textiles...
Ma'am, not today. There's a dog loose
in the produce section.
A dog?
I'll give you a dollar for all of this.
Ripped By mstoll
Me and the kids
at school didn't always get along...
but the things we could agree on
were hoops, hip-hop and Nintendo.
So when we heard Shaq
combined all three in a video game...
we lost our damn minds.
It's called Shaq Fu.
It's like Mortal Kombat but with Shaq.
It goes on sale next week... $50.
I don't have that kind of scrill.
Shaq's got to make his money.
I respect that.
But what about these Japanese guys?
What do they need it for?
- Aren't you Japanese?
- You shut your damn mouth.
I'm gonna pay for it
by taking my sister's Tooth Fairy money.
I've been double-mowing the Millers' lawn.
They haven't noticed.
I think they're going through some stuff.
I've been pocketing my lunch money.
- You're not gonna eat?
- Just gotta get past Wednesday.
Dinosaur nuggets. Pudding cup.
My mom's driving to Miami
to get the game for me.
They get it two days earlier down there.
Yeah, she's making up
for my dad forgetting me at a Walmart.
- No fair!
- Lucky!
You gonna finish your sandwich?
I'm gonna ask my mom for the money.
She's usually cheap as hell,
but she'll get this is an emergency.
So a basketball man made a video game
about karate-ing people?
Thank God. Thank God. I knew you'd get it.
There we go. A little zip-zip.
She probably has no energy
because it's so hot in here.
Could we turn on the AC just for a second?
Grandma, please, I have a headache.
When Mommy finds a job,
then we can turn on the AC.
For now it's just too expensive.
Do you know what's free? Parking at the mall
where they sell video games.
- No, it's not.
- So we walk through Brookstone...
and get a stamp. God!
Hey, everyone.
How was your day?
Boys, how was school?
- Great. I got elected...
- Terrific. My turn.
I have exciting news.
I finally hit on a winning promotion
at the restaurant.
This wasn't the
first time Pops had come home excited...
about a winning publicity stunt.
Ahoy, me hearties! I be Captain Book.
Lest there be claims
of copyright plunder...
that's B-O-O-K.
Now, what would ye like to order?
Luckily, my dad was about to stumble...
into the biggest
restaurant craze of the mid-'90s.
Fajitas!
Orlando can't get enough utility-grade
skirt steak delivered in a sizzling skillet.
No way. No way white people
will eat meat out of a pan.
Yes way. Yes way all day.
You bring them tortillas,
veggies and steak...
and they assemble it themselves.
- It's like an edible IKEA chair.
- Or Legos you can eat.
Oh. He improved on it.
He just made it better.
So we're about to come
into some money, huh?
Hey, Papa, you've been working out?
'Cause you're looking swole.
What?
Since things are looking
so good at the restaurant...
maybe you can spot me some bread
for a video game?
50 small?
I knew this would happen.
The downside of the greatest country
in the world.
Entitled children feeling like they don't
have to work to get what they want.
My father, your ye ye...
made me work hard for every penny.
And that work ethic is how I'm able
to keep the lights on.
- But not the AC.
- That's your mother's thing.
She runs the house.
Don't pull me into that.
If you want money,
you need to work for it.
But I can't work. I'm only 11.
Well, when your grandfather was 11,
he had three kids.
As I say that, I realize I'm exaggerating.
But he definitely was working at your age.
Right, Mom?
Mm-hmm.
I always respected him for that.
Made me the man I am today.
So it's settled.
Eddie will come work with me
at Cattleman's after school.
Great, because I have a job interview.
A furniture store needs management help.
That's my specialty.
What's your specialty, Emery?
I know you want me to say "the ladies,"
but I'm classier than that.
When I grow up, I want my specialty
to be homemade pickles.
That's a new interest for you.
- I was gonna tell you earlier.
- No, it's fine.
I guess I just have to share a bunk bed
with a total stranger.
I'm sorry. It's the heat.
Hey. Ready for your first day?
Look, Dad, I don't wanna be here,
and you don't want me here.
Uh, I do want you here.
Remember my incredibly moving speech
about your grandfather?
But as long as I'm here,
I'm gonna make the best of it.
Tips for Shaq Fu.
Life, huh?
You give a company 22 years, you think...
My ears don't come free.
Uh...
You know, rather than have
my 11 -year-old tend bar...
I thought you could work the floor.
Aw, dope. Like manage the servers?
Or handle security?
I'm watching you, son.
Uh, no.
I got something else in mind for you.
Ooh! I'd like some fajitas.
Those look delicious.
You heard 'em, fajita boy.
- Whoops.
- The heat melted my mustache glue.
You know, your grandfather's ear
fell off on his first job.
As I say that, I realize I'm exaggerating,
but it could have.
Why are you making that noise?
I dropped four skillets,
caught a flaming green pepper in the face.
Delivering fajitas sucks.
You know what your
grandfather's first job was?
Selling bread that was so hot,
he lost all his fingerprints.
Why do I get the worst job
in the whole restaurant?
I'm your son.
It's because you're my son.
It's my job as your father to make sure my boys
understand the meaning of hard work...
like your grandfather did with me.
Can't you just front me the money?
Eddie, there are no handouts
in the Huang family.
The only time your grandfather
got anything without working for it...
was on his birthday.
And you know what he got?
An egg. One egg.
To eat or to play with?
Now you see his dilemma.
AC!
Good afternoon.
Can I help you find anything today?
Jessica Huang.
Seven years managing Number One
Furniture Unlimited in Washington, DC.
Oh. Okay. Are you looking for
anything in particular?
Yes. 18.50 an hour,
and I need afternoons off...
to help my boys with their schoolwork.
Oh, and on Thursdays,
I do my mother-in-law's nails.
We both hate it,
but it's too late to say anything now.
Pretty color.
Uh, I think there's been
some sort of mix-up. We're not hiring.
But you put this in the paper.
It's an ad for 25% off mattresses.
Exactly. Twenty-five percent off
on the highest-margin item in the store.
You obviously need my help.
It's okay. You found me.
Jessica is here.
It's like being kissed by a snowman.
Guys, I got the money.
Did a third hedge trimming at the Millers'.
They're selling their house.
I think things must be getting bad.
Me? I'm hustlin' for that money.
'Cause like my dad says, there's no
free handouts in the Huang family.
Who cares?
I gave my sister a candy apple...
and her last molar came out.
Tooth Fairy. Dolla dolla bill, y'all.
Who has a candy apple?
So, did your mom drive to Miami?
Did she get it?
Yes and no.
She drove to Miami, but the guy said
that the hot new game was 9 to 5.
You know, based on
the Dolly Parton-Jane Fonda office comedy?
The one that came out
in 1980, 15 years ago?
That's the game she bought me.
That's the game I have in my house.
Why do they put the classifieds
so close to the comics?
I keep getting distracted
by the misfortunes of Cathy.
None of those swimsuits are right, Cathy.
None of them.
Mom, hold it up.
We can't run through it.
And the water's really hot.
It's hot at Raging Waters too.
Except this is $30 cheaper...
and you won't get
some stranger's Band-Aid in your mouth.
She's cleansing them of the evil spirits
cast by dishonored ancestors.
Right, Jessica?
I'm just trying to cool down my kids
and find a job...
but no one seems to appreciate
how I'm good at everything I do.
Anyway, guess where we just came from.
Remember our friend Samantha?
Real great smile.
Her mother took her own life.
Well, she is moving.
We just came from her open house.
We did a little digging,
and she and Andrew are getting a divorce.
I think Andrew left her
because she blimped out.
I found five tubs
of ice cream in the freezer.
Ironically, Rocky Road.
- No self-control.
- None.
Boys, here is your AC.
Now Mommy can keep looking
for jobs in peace.
Hello. I'm Ashley Alexander
of Ashley Alexander Realty.
I don't like that name.
I would call it Red Door Realty.
Okay. Great.
Can I show you around this lovely home?
Yes, please, in just one minute.
One minute, please. Thank you.
My old man thought
I couldn't work hard, but he was wrong.
And much like Shaq,
who busted his ass...
to get his free-throw percentage
up to a strong 52...
by the end of the week,
my fajita game was straight-up nasty.
- Ooh! Could I get...
- Mas tortillas?
More sizzle!
Yeah! Whoo!
Nice.
You've done a real nice job
this week, Eddie.
- You earned it.
- Thanks, Pops.
It was hard, but in the end,
I kept my head down.
And you know how things...
Eighteen bucks? That's way short!
I need 50 for Shaq Fu!
Well, I'm sorry, Eddie,
but I had to dock your pay...
for all the food you dropped,
the plates you broke.
Hard work isn't just about showing up.
It's also about doing a good job.
But, hey, in a few weeks, you'll have
enough money to buy your game...
and, uh, maybe some left over
to buy a funny mouse pad or something.
You know? Like... Like a dog
doing something funny or... I don't know.
Okay, so right when the bell rings,
we get on our bikes...
go to the mall and buy Shaq Fu.
- Any questions?
- I'm too weak to cycle.
Then we leave you, Brian.
I can't go. I don't have enough money
to buy the game yet.
And I still need to go work at my dad's
stupid restaurant after school.
Dude, that sucks.
You can borrow my game after I beat it.
But that could take years.
Guys, I was up all night.
9 to 5 is genius.
You can play it as any character,
but I prefer Doralee...
because if you forge
Franklin Hart's signature...
you get to open up
a day care at Consolidated.
Come on. Let's go point our bikes
in the direction of the mall.
Have fun at work, Eddie.
They were all
going to the mall, and I had to go to work.
And it still wasn't
gonna get me that game.
So I made a decision.
I don't think Eddie's gonna
show up for his shift.
I guess not.
All right, Mitch,
you're gonna have to be on fajita duty.
Yes! Showtime!
Oh! Oh, God. The limes.
They turned on the handler.
I can't see. Louis? Louis.
Oh, the position has been filled?
Do you have any other jobs available?
I'm a very fast learner.
Excuse me.
Are you interested in this house? Because...
Yes, very. Definitely a contender.
I'm very detail-oriented. I...
Hello?
Hello?
Oh, someone named Jeremy called,
by the way.
He wants me to tell you to let the cat out
of the bedroom when you're done.
We can always change the paint.
But not the lousy school district.
The skylights should help the resale.
But the cemetery down the street won't.
It's got great bones
but no open floor plan.
- And you know I need a double oven.
- Mm-hmm.
You should look at the Miller house
on Orange. Sounds perfect for you.
You're just here for the free AC.
You're the lady Ashley Alexander
warned me about.
From Red Door Realty?
What? No. Sorry.
I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.
Fine.
Hey. Come on.
I'll show you the Miller house.
Let me just get my kids out of the pool,
and we'll go.
- Marco!
- Polo!
Come on.
Where's Eddie?
He didn't show up for work today.
Nancy had to cover for him, and she
spilled salsa all over Regina Snipes.
That's Wesley Snipes' aunt.
Took two banana cream pies
just to calm her down.
This is unacceptable.
I'm gonna make him come in
before and after school and on weekends.
Push him hard until he understands
how to be a hard worker.
That's what Dad would've done with me.
Eddie.
Go ahead and ground me.
All my friends are gonna be playing
Shaq Fu for the next forever anyway...
so it doesn't even matter.
What's this?
50 small. To buy your video game.
Why?
Because you don't have
to be a hard man to be a hard worker.
Think of it as an early Egg Day present.
Oh, my God, this place is perfect.
I think it's so nice that you two
are looking for a place together.
I know. It's kind of a big step.
Yeah, it's great you go to open houses
without your wives.
I would have to drag Louis
to one of these.
- No, we're a couple.
- A couple of catches.
No, we're in love.
With these countertops?
How could you not be?
Granite throughout.
Lady, I don't think you...
Really? Granite?
You again! Look, I told you
the AC is only for potential buyers.
Actually, I am showing the house
to these two best friends.
Lovers. And we love it.
We'd like to make an offer.
- Oh!
- Really?
That's fantastic.
Well, we're listed at 229.
229? Okay. Andy, Randy, let's go.
Where are we going?
We're going downtown
to pick up a prostitute...
so Ashley Alexander
can bend her over and...
Her too.
Doorbells work.
- Oh!
- Oh.
Damn it, Nancy.
Hey, Dad.
Eddie. What are you doing here?
I went to the mall to buy Shaq Fu,
but something didn't feel right.
I don't want a handout.
I wanna earn it myself.
I didn't have my realization until after
I bought the game. Keep it safe for me.
Well, you are 40 minutes late.
Dock me.
Happy to see your fajita boy?
That's no fajita boy.
That's a fajita man.
So hot. Just so hot.
- What are you doing?
- Eddie's pimp walk.
- What's a pimp?
- Your mommy, that's who.
Boom!
I just sold a house.
I am a Realtor now.
Ashley Alexander from Red Door Realty
says that I'm a tough negotiator.
Also, I found out what ruined
the Millers' marriage... male infertility.
No motorcycles for you three.
Jessica, you can't
just say you're a Realtor.
You gotta take an exam, get a license.
Yes, yes, yes.
Also you can learn how to sell a house...
which I already did.
I was born to do this.
Come on. Let's celebrate.
Hey, boys, go ahead.
Crank up the AC to "low."
Uh-oh.
AC! AC! Uh-huh.
Uh-oh. Uh-oh.
Hey, let's see your pimp walk.
Mommy's a real estate pimp!
A real estate pimp!
A real estate pimp!
A real estate pimp!
Go, Mom! Go, Mom!
Go, Mom! Go, Mom!
So how was it? How was Shaq Fu?
Very thorough instruction manual.
Yeah. Yeah.
The game just boots right up too.
No delays.
Yeah, quick boot. Quick boot.
Shaq can throw wind at people.
That was pretty cool.
Yeah. He weaponized the wind.
It sucks, doesn't it?
- I hate it.
- I can't even eat.
Wow. Who would've thought
Dave got the best game?
Equal pay for equal work.
You can have it all, ladies!
I think that's a good idea.
Hmm.
Ripped By mstoll
Mom from working at the restaurant...
she was really determined to find a job.
Overqualified.
Not enough pay.
"Must be a team player"?
No.
Mom, Eddie's flicking my ear.
I'm just holding my hand here.
I'm not even touching him.
I feel phantom flicks.
Eddie, I could get by with only two sons.
Think about that.
That woman was tough.
She could handle anything.
- Excuse me, ma'am.
- Anything but an Orlando heat wave.
You really can't loiter
in the frozen food aisle.
I am not loitering. I am shopping.
4.99? I'll give you two.
The Popsicles are a set price.
They're not negotiable.
You're good. 2.50.
Ma'am, if you wanna beat the heat,
they sell air conditioners at Sears.
Oh. We have an air conditioner.
Moms just won't let us turn it on.
Air-conditioning is expensive.
Who do you think we are, the Chiangs?
Very prominent family in DC.
They're sort of the Liaos
of the upholstery world.
Very prominent family in Taiwan.
They made their fortune in textiles...
Ma'am, not today. There's a dog loose
in the produce section.
A dog?
I'll give you a dollar for all of this.
Ripped By mstoll
Me and the kids
at school didn't always get along...
but the things we could agree on
were hoops, hip-hop and Nintendo.
So when we heard Shaq
combined all three in a video game...
we lost our damn minds.
It's called Shaq Fu.
It's like Mortal Kombat but with Shaq.
It goes on sale next week... $50.
I don't have that kind of scrill.
Shaq's got to make his money.
I respect that.
But what about these Japanese guys?
What do they need it for?
- Aren't you Japanese?
- You shut your damn mouth.
I'm gonna pay for it
by taking my sister's Tooth Fairy money.
I've been double-mowing the Millers' lawn.
They haven't noticed.
I think they're going through some stuff.
I've been pocketing my lunch money.
- You're not gonna eat?
- Just gotta get past Wednesday.
Dinosaur nuggets. Pudding cup.
My mom's driving to Miami
to get the game for me.
They get it two days earlier down there.
Yeah, she's making up
for my dad forgetting me at a Walmart.
- No fair!
- Lucky!
You gonna finish your sandwich?
I'm gonna ask my mom for the money.
She's usually cheap as hell,
but she'll get this is an emergency.
So a basketball man made a video game
about karate-ing people?
Thank God. Thank God. I knew you'd get it.
There we go. A little zip-zip.
She probably has no energy
because it's so hot in here.
Could we turn on the AC just for a second?
Grandma, please, I have a headache.
When Mommy finds a job,
then we can turn on the AC.
For now it's just too expensive.
Do you know what's free? Parking at the mall
where they sell video games.
- No, it's not.
- So we walk through Brookstone...
and get a stamp. God!
Hey, everyone.
How was your day?
Boys, how was school?
- Great. I got elected...
- Terrific. My turn.
I have exciting news.
I finally hit on a winning promotion
at the restaurant.
This wasn't the
first time Pops had come home excited...
about a winning publicity stunt.
Ahoy, me hearties! I be Captain Book.
Lest there be claims
of copyright plunder...
that's B-O-O-K.
Now, what would ye like to order?
Luckily, my dad was about to stumble...
into the biggest
restaurant craze of the mid-'90s.
Fajitas!
Orlando can't get enough utility-grade
skirt steak delivered in a sizzling skillet.
No way. No way white people
will eat meat out of a pan.
Yes way. Yes way all day.
You bring them tortillas,
veggies and steak...
and they assemble it themselves.
- It's like an edible IKEA chair.
- Or Legos you can eat.
Oh. He improved on it.
He just made it better.
So we're about to come
into some money, huh?
Hey, Papa, you've been working out?
'Cause you're looking swole.
What?
Since things are looking
so good at the restaurant...
maybe you can spot me some bread
for a video game?
50 small?
I knew this would happen.
The downside of the greatest country
in the world.
Entitled children feeling like they don't
have to work to get what they want.
My father, your ye ye...
made me work hard for every penny.
And that work ethic is how I'm able
to keep the lights on.
- But not the AC.
- That's your mother's thing.
She runs the house.
Don't pull me into that.
If you want money,
you need to work for it.
But I can't work. I'm only 11.
Well, when your grandfather was 11,
he had three kids.
As I say that, I realize I'm exaggerating.
But he definitely was working at your age.
Right, Mom?
Mm-hmm.
I always respected him for that.
Made me the man I am today.
So it's settled.
Eddie will come work with me
at Cattleman's after school.
Great, because I have a job interview.
A furniture store needs management help.
That's my specialty.
What's your specialty, Emery?
I know you want me to say "the ladies,"
but I'm classier than that.
When I grow up, I want my specialty
to be homemade pickles.
That's a new interest for you.
- I was gonna tell you earlier.
- No, it's fine.
I guess I just have to share a bunk bed
with a total stranger.
I'm sorry. It's the heat.
Hey. Ready for your first day?
Look, Dad, I don't wanna be here,
and you don't want me here.
Uh, I do want you here.
Remember my incredibly moving speech
about your grandfather?
But as long as I'm here,
I'm gonna make the best of it.
Tips for Shaq Fu.
Life, huh?
You give a company 22 years, you think...
My ears don't come free.
Uh...
You know, rather than have
my 11 -year-old tend bar...
I thought you could work the floor.
Aw, dope. Like manage the servers?
Or handle security?
I'm watching you, son.
Uh, no.
I got something else in mind for you.
Ooh! I'd like some fajitas.
Those look delicious.
You heard 'em, fajita boy.
- Whoops.
- The heat melted my mustache glue.
You know, your grandfather's ear
fell off on his first job.
As I say that, I realize I'm exaggerating,
but it could have.
Why are you making that noise?
I dropped four skillets,
caught a flaming green pepper in the face.
Delivering fajitas sucks.
You know what your
grandfather's first job was?
Selling bread that was so hot,
he lost all his fingerprints.
Why do I get the worst job
in the whole restaurant?
I'm your son.
It's because you're my son.
It's my job as your father to make sure my boys
understand the meaning of hard work...
like your grandfather did with me.
Can't you just front me the money?
Eddie, there are no handouts
in the Huang family.
The only time your grandfather
got anything without working for it...
was on his birthday.
And you know what he got?
An egg. One egg.
To eat or to play with?
Now you see his dilemma.
AC!
Good afternoon.
Can I help you find anything today?
Jessica Huang.
Seven years managing Number One
Furniture Unlimited in Washington, DC.
Oh. Okay. Are you looking for
anything in particular?
Yes. 18.50 an hour,
and I need afternoons off...
to help my boys with their schoolwork.
Oh, and on Thursdays,
I do my mother-in-law's nails.
We both hate it,
but it's too late to say anything now.
Pretty color.
Uh, I think there's been
some sort of mix-up. We're not hiring.
But you put this in the paper.
It's an ad for 25% off mattresses.
Exactly. Twenty-five percent off
on the highest-margin item in the store.
You obviously need my help.
It's okay. You found me.
Jessica is here.
It's like being kissed by a snowman.
Guys, I got the money.
Did a third hedge trimming at the Millers'.
They're selling their house.
I think things must be getting bad.
Me? I'm hustlin' for that money.
'Cause like my dad says, there's no
free handouts in the Huang family.
Who cares?
I gave my sister a candy apple...
and her last molar came out.
Tooth Fairy. Dolla dolla bill, y'all.
Who has a candy apple?
So, did your mom drive to Miami?
Did she get it?
Yes and no.
She drove to Miami, but the guy said
that the hot new game was 9 to 5.
You know, based on
the Dolly Parton-Jane Fonda office comedy?
The one that came out
in 1980, 15 years ago?
That's the game she bought me.
That's the game I have in my house.
Why do they put the classifieds
so close to the comics?
I keep getting distracted
by the misfortunes of Cathy.
None of those swimsuits are right, Cathy.
None of them.
Mom, hold it up.
We can't run through it.
And the water's really hot.
It's hot at Raging Waters too.
Except this is $30 cheaper...
and you won't get
some stranger's Band-Aid in your mouth.
She's cleansing them of the evil spirits
cast by dishonored ancestors.
Right, Jessica?
I'm just trying to cool down my kids
and find a job...
but no one seems to appreciate
how I'm good at everything I do.
Anyway, guess where we just came from.
Remember our friend Samantha?
Real great smile.
Her mother took her own life.
Well, she is moving.
We just came from her open house.
We did a little digging,
and she and Andrew are getting a divorce.
I think Andrew left her
because she blimped out.
I found five tubs
of ice cream in the freezer.
Ironically, Rocky Road.
- No self-control.
- None.
Boys, here is your AC.
Now Mommy can keep looking
for jobs in peace.
Hello. I'm Ashley Alexander
of Ashley Alexander Realty.
I don't like that name.
I would call it Red Door Realty.
Okay. Great.
Can I show you around this lovely home?
Yes, please, in just one minute.
One minute, please. Thank you.
My old man thought
I couldn't work hard, but he was wrong.
And much like Shaq,
who busted his ass...
to get his free-throw percentage
up to a strong 52...
by the end of the week,
my fajita game was straight-up nasty.
- Ooh! Could I get...
- Mas tortillas?
More sizzle!
Yeah! Whoo!
Nice.
You've done a real nice job
this week, Eddie.
- You earned it.
- Thanks, Pops.
It was hard, but in the end,
I kept my head down.
And you know how things...
Eighteen bucks? That's way short!
I need 50 for Shaq Fu!
Well, I'm sorry, Eddie,
but I had to dock your pay...
for all the food you dropped,
the plates you broke.
Hard work isn't just about showing up.
It's also about doing a good job.
But, hey, in a few weeks, you'll have
enough money to buy your game...
and, uh, maybe some left over
to buy a funny mouse pad or something.
You know? Like... Like a dog
doing something funny or... I don't know.
Okay, so right when the bell rings,
we get on our bikes...
go to the mall and buy Shaq Fu.
- Any questions?
- I'm too weak to cycle.
Then we leave you, Brian.
I can't go. I don't have enough money
to buy the game yet.
And I still need to go work at my dad's
stupid restaurant after school.
Dude, that sucks.
You can borrow my game after I beat it.
But that could take years.
Guys, I was up all night.
9 to 5 is genius.
You can play it as any character,
but I prefer Doralee...
because if you forge
Franklin Hart's signature...
you get to open up
a day care at Consolidated.
Come on. Let's go point our bikes
in the direction of the mall.
Have fun at work, Eddie.
They were all
going to the mall, and I had to go to work.
And it still wasn't
gonna get me that game.
So I made a decision.
I don't think Eddie's gonna
show up for his shift.
I guess not.
All right, Mitch,
you're gonna have to be on fajita duty.
Yes! Showtime!
Oh! Oh, God. The limes.
They turned on the handler.
I can't see. Louis? Louis.
Oh, the position has been filled?
Do you have any other jobs available?
I'm a very fast learner.
Excuse me.
Are you interested in this house? Because...
Yes, very. Definitely a contender.
I'm very detail-oriented. I...
Hello?
Hello?
Oh, someone named Jeremy called,
by the way.
He wants me to tell you to let the cat out
of the bedroom when you're done.
We can always change the paint.
But not the lousy school district.
The skylights should help the resale.
But the cemetery down the street won't.
It's got great bones
but no open floor plan.
- And you know I need a double oven.
- Mm-hmm.
You should look at the Miller house
on Orange. Sounds perfect for you.
You're just here for the free AC.
You're the lady Ashley Alexander
warned me about.
From Red Door Realty?
What? No. Sorry.
I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.
Fine.
Hey. Come on.
I'll show you the Miller house.
Let me just get my kids out of the pool,
and we'll go.
- Marco!
- Polo!
Come on.
Where's Eddie?
He didn't show up for work today.
Nancy had to cover for him, and she
spilled salsa all over Regina Snipes.
That's Wesley Snipes' aunt.
Took two banana cream pies
just to calm her down.
This is unacceptable.
I'm gonna make him come in
before and after school and on weekends.
Push him hard until he understands
how to be a hard worker.
That's what Dad would've done with me.
Eddie.
Go ahead and ground me.
All my friends are gonna be playing
Shaq Fu for the next forever anyway...
so it doesn't even matter.
What's this?
50 small. To buy your video game.
Why?
Because you don't have
to be a hard man to be a hard worker.
Think of it as an early Egg Day present.
Oh, my God, this place is perfect.
I think it's so nice that you two
are looking for a place together.
I know. It's kind of a big step.
Yeah, it's great you go to open houses
without your wives.
I would have to drag Louis
to one of these.
- No, we're a couple.
- A couple of catches.
No, we're in love.
With these countertops?
How could you not be?
Granite throughout.
Lady, I don't think you...
Really? Granite?
You again! Look, I told you
the AC is only for potential buyers.
Actually, I am showing the house
to these two best friends.
Lovers. And we love it.
We'd like to make an offer.
- Oh!
- Really?
That's fantastic.
Well, we're listed at 229.
229? Okay. Andy, Randy, let's go.
Where are we going?
We're going downtown
to pick up a prostitute...
so Ashley Alexander
can bend her over and...
Her too.
Doorbells work.
- Oh!
- Oh.
Damn it, Nancy.
Hey, Dad.
Eddie. What are you doing here?
I went to the mall to buy Shaq Fu,
but something didn't feel right.
I don't want a handout.
I wanna earn it myself.
I didn't have my realization until after
I bought the game. Keep it safe for me.
Well, you are 40 minutes late.
Dock me.
Happy to see your fajita boy?
That's no fajita boy.
That's a fajita man.
So hot. Just so hot.
- What are you doing?
- Eddie's pimp walk.
- What's a pimp?
- Your mommy, that's who.
Boom!
I just sold a house.
I am a Realtor now.
Ashley Alexander from Red Door Realty
says that I'm a tough negotiator.
Also, I found out what ruined
the Millers' marriage... male infertility.
No motorcycles for you three.
Jessica, you can't
just say you're a Realtor.
You gotta take an exam, get a license.
Yes, yes, yes.
Also you can learn how to sell a house...
which I already did.
I was born to do this.
Come on. Let's celebrate.
Hey, boys, go ahead.
Crank up the AC to "low."
Uh-oh.
AC! AC! Uh-huh.
Uh-oh. Uh-oh.
Hey, let's see your pimp walk.
Mommy's a real estate pimp!
A real estate pimp!
A real estate pimp!
A real estate pimp!
Go, Mom! Go, Mom!
Go, Mom! Go, Mom!
So how was it? How was Shaq Fu?
Very thorough instruction manual.
Yeah. Yeah.
The game just boots right up too.
No delays.
Yeah, quick boot. Quick boot.
Shaq can throw wind at people.
That was pretty cool.
Yeah. He weaponized the wind.
It sucks, doesn't it?
- I hate it.
- I can't even eat.
Wow. Who would've thought
Dave got the best game?
Equal pay for equal work.
You can have it all, ladies!
I think that's a good idea.
Hmm.
Ripped By mstoll