Freaks and Geeks (1999–2000): Season 1, Episode 16 - Smooching and Mooching - full transcript
Nick stays with the Weirs while he's on the outs with his dad, and the geeks go to a make-out party.
Freaks and Geeks S01E16 Smooching and Mooching (VO)
They got a lotta crap here, huh?
No kidding.
I think
I'm gonna try to sell all my junk.
You know, my crap is way
better than this crap.
Look at all these books, man.
Why do people save their books,
Like...read a book twice?
They're probably just
bragging to us, you know?
They're like, "ooh! Look at
all these books i've read.
I'm so clever! I read a
lot of books and stuff!"
Oh...check it out, man!
They got bongos!
Yep.
We could play evil ways if we had these.
Yeah, actually, that would bring
The andopolis drum kit to an even 30 pieces.
31 pieces.
All right. I'm gonna buy these, man.
This garage sale rules.
Hey, man, listen, you gotta be quiet
Ff at me.
Why?
Did he see your report card?
Yeah.
No, i was playing american band
While he was watching 60 minutes.
Um...
Nick...where are your drums?
You had no right to give my drums away!
Those drums were making you go deaf.
Otherwise, you would
have heard all the times
That i tried to tell
you to clean up your act.
You know that i've been trying.
Fine. With a little more effort,
You could end up living in a cardboard box.
Those drums were my personal property.
Your only personal property is your future.
Maybe the drums are my future!
Why don't you think about that?
End of conversation.
You owe me money.
Excuse me?
Those were my drums,
I paid for them, and you sold them,
And i want the money.
How much did you spend on drums
And how much did you spend on drugs?
Give me my money!
End of conversation.
Fine. You know what? i'm outta here,
And i hope that you enjoy
your peace and quiet.
There's something wrong with these cans!
He hates these cans!
The jerk is the perfect movie.
There isn't one scene in
it that isn't hilarious.
Nope. caddyshack'sbetter.
Way funnier.
Ted knight is the funniest.
Ooh, billy, billy, billy.
Ooh, billy, billy, billy! Huh?
No, no. That movie is so uneven.
I mean, yeah, half of it
rules, but half of it sucks.
It's just likestripes. You
could not tell me what happened
In the second half of the movie.
They get reassigned to europe
to work on a top secret mission
Concerning the urban assault vehicle.
Then the stupid border
guys wouldn't let them in.
That's when, um
- um, sam?
Can i talk to you for a second?
Uh...
Yeah.
Over here.
Oh.
Sam, i just broke up with todd.
Really?
Wow.
Um...i'm sorry.
Don't be! todd's a jerk.
He's only interested in one thing.
All these jocks are.
Yeah. Yeah.
So anyways, i was wondering,
Are you gonna be home tonight?
Yeah.
Good.
'Cause i'm gonna call you.
I really need someone to talk to.
Ok. Uh...
And, you know, any time. Ha ha.
My god!
It's happening!
You guys, where's my chair?
Shallots?
It's a potato.
They're shallots, right?
Hey, is anybody using this chair?
No.
You can have it.
Really?
That's really nice of you.
Grateful dead.
Music sucks. chicks are hot!
Yeah.
Does anybody wanna give me a neck rub?
Ha ha! God, nick!
I can't believe you spent
the night on daniel's floor!
His carpet is, like, infested!
Better than sleeping in my maverick.
Kinda.
You gonna go home tonight?
No. Not as long as that fascist is there.
Hey, ken, can i stay at
your house tonight, man?
No. My dad.
He'll have a conniption fit.
Thanks a lot, man.
You know, he doesn't even
let my grandma stay over.
He's got issues.
Whatever, man. Thanks.
I'd invite you over again,
nick, but you blew it.
You gotta remember to flush the toilet!
My mom almost had a
heart attack this morning.
Oh! nick: he's just joking.
I'm not joking!
Can you not talk about this now, please?
I had to plunge-
Can you not talk about this now, please?
Definitely, i wanna stay at your place. No.
I-you know what? No. no thanks.
Hey, lindsay, you think that maybe
I could, uh, stay at your place tonight?
God, nick, if it were
up to me...sure, but...
Come on, my dad? He's
way worse than ken's dad.
Yeah. No, don't
- no problem.
Nice try, though, nick.
Shut up, man.
What you should have done is
you should have pretended to cry.
You would have been in
if you pretended to cry.
Dad, give me one good reason
Why there can't be a woman president.
It's called 3 irrational days per month.
Now, i would have no
issue with the other 27,
But...we're talking about
the atomic bomb here!
Oh, harold!
Dad, that is so stupid!
You know, men get periods, too.
It has tdo with your body tides.
My body does not have a tide.
Those religious people have
been bothering me all day.
Can't a man finish his supper
Without those religious types bothering us?
Hey, uh, mr. Weir.
Is lindsay home?
She's eating dinner.
Oh, yeah. i can tell.
God, it smells really great in there.
Let me guess.
Meat?
Congratulations.
Hey...nick.
What are you doing?
You know... Just came by to say hey.
I-i didn't realize that you guys
were gonna be eating so late.
You guys eat late.
Oh! Hey, nick.
Hey, mrs. Weir. Boy, i was just saying...
Your pot roast smells amazing.
Well, uh...would you like
to join us for dinner?
We've got plenty of food.
I mean, sure,
If-yeah! that would rock!
I haven't eaten dinner yet!
Is it ok with you, mr. Weir?
Oh. Yeah. Yeah.
It would...rock.
Mrs. Weir: COME ON.
Oh, wow. this worked out well.
Oh, my god!
Mrs. Weir...
This pot roast is unbelievable!
You're even a better cook than my mom.
Oh, i'm sure she does fine.
You don't get to be as tall as you are
Without somebody doing
something right nutritionally.
Hey, uh, so...
Mr. Weir...
You sell sleeping bags, right?
Yeah. Why, you going camping?
No.
I've just been spending a lot of my time
Sleeping on people's floors...
Lately, so, you know, i thought
i should probably get a good bag.
Why on eth are you
sleeping on people's floors?
My dad kicked me out of the house.
He didn't kick you out.
He sold my drums.
That doesn't really seem
like an invitation to stay.
Now, wait a minute.
He didn't just sell your drums.
I mean, the man must have had a reason.
Yeah. He had a really stupid reason.
He said... that my drums
Were interfering with my schoolwork.
I think my schoolwork was
interfering with my drums.
Terrible.
Why don't you spend the night over here?
On the couch.
What?
Really?
You mean it?
Yeah.
Oh, my gosh.
My gosh. You guys e the nicest people.
Your whole family is... so nice!
Thank you so much!
Oh! Oh, my gosh.
Oh...i
T's like you cooked this in heaven...
Then brought it back
down here to your table.
Oh, stop!
Bill, i need to talk to you for a second.
It's about yesterday.
That wasn't me. That was
neal. He just said it was me.
What?
Uh-noth-what?
Anyway...
Sam and i had the greatest
conversation yesterday.
It just...lasted for hours!
Look, i know i can trust you with this,
Because we're lab partners.
I like sam.
Me, too.
No, ilikelike sam.
Oh.
Oh!
I don't know.
It's like i never date nice guys.
I should try it. I mean,
i think i deserve to.
So do you think he likes me?
It's hard to tell.
Well, do you think you can find out for me?
Ok.
And tell him to ask me to mona's party.
There he is.
Thanks.
Everyone take their seats.
We've got a busy class ahead of us.
Bill! Psst! What just happened?
Cindy wanted me to find out if you li-
Gentlemen, can we save the chitchat
For the cafeteria?
Today we will be having a pop quiz.
Cindy-
Gentlemen!
Yes...mr. Hal?
All right, nick. this is what you gotta do.
Get her to stay up watching tv with you,
right, until her parents go to sleep.
Then you offer to give a back rub.
You do it right... you're in.
All right, look. Let's get
this straight, all right?
Lindsay and i are just friends, ok?
And, anyways, i think it's
really cool of her parents
To let me stay at the
house. That's it, all right?
Ok, man. Just friends. I didn't realize.
I mean, you know, look, i-
If she came to me in the
middle of the night...
And was, like, you know,
"nick, i love you..."
I wouldn't turn her away.
Did he try to give you a back rub?
No.
Well, he will.
He if tries to give you
a foot massage...run.
Kim, what am i gonna do?
It's just too weird having him in my house!
You have to kick him out, lindsay!
No. I can't do that.
Well...
Then you're in for a long night.
I don't believe you.
It's true.
If this is some kind of a joke...
And you're trying to set me up,
I'll stop being your
friend. I'm not kidding.
It's true!
Sam, you gotta ask her to that party!
I don't-i don't even know mona!
What's the difference?
it's what cindy wants!
I think she wants to be your girlfriend.
Oh, man.
Neal: WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?
You wanted this for years!
be a man! Go get her!
Yeah, i know, but
- but what?
I'm scared!
Well, they're not.
I can hear what they're saying right now.
"Uh, hey, cindy,
You want to go with me to mona's party?"
"Well, i was kind of hoping
"That sam was gonna ask me,
"But since he doesn't seem interested,
Ok, thor."
Ok, ok, shut up.
I'm gonna ask her.
Hey, cindy? Um...
Can i talk to you for a second?
Hey, sam.
Yeah, sure.
Hey, i'll see you guys later.
Ok, after french class?
Yeah. ok.
What's up?
I was wondering...
Do you want to come to mona's party with me?
I'd love to.
Really?
Really.
It's happening.
They're smiling.
Going out withcindy,
And stops hanging out with us?
He won't.
He'll get us in with cindy's friends.
Like vicky.
Oh, man, i love her.
Thought you said they were pod people?
A cult, you said.
They are.
But that's one cult i wouldn't mind joining.
Bring on the pods.
Uh, well i'll see you there.
Ok.
It's gonna be a lot of fun.
Yeah.
Call me?
Ok.
See ya!
It's on.
Nick.
It's quiet hour.
Am i being too loud? i'm sorry.
Shouldn't you be doing your homework?
Me?
Um, yeah,
I mean, i was.
You were?
Then maybe you ought to finish it.
You're starting to sound
like my dad, mr. Weir.
Oh, yeah?
Well, then, your dad is a smart man.
I'm a drummer, you know,
So, i mean, this is my homework.
Oh, come on, nick.
This isn't homework.
This is screwing around.
Now, if you're really a drummer,
Your homework would be
practicing your drums.
Well, i'd like to be practicing my drums,
You know? But my dad gave them away.
Well, then you go out and you find 2 sticks
And you pound on a rock.
Wanted to be a drummer
Would do if someone took his drums from him.
You know, when i was in high school,
I was working in a department store,
And learning all about retail,
And i still got straight as.
Now don't tell me you can't find time
To do both things.
You can't be that easy on yourself, nick.
Push yourself.
You're a smart kid.
That's really, um...
That's really cool of you to say, mr. Weir.
It's true.
Oh.
By the way, that drummer
you're listening to?
Yeah.
He's terrible.
That's neil peart.
He's the greatest drummer alive.
Well, neil peart couldn't drum his way
Out of a paper bag.
You want to hear drumming?
All right. Come on.
I'll play you drumming.
That guy is amazing.
How did you hear about him?
Are you kidding? these guys?
I grew up with gene krupa and buddy rich.
Oh, god.
How do they do that?
They must hold the sticks like this.
I can't do that.
I've never been able to do that.
You can go faster that way.
Oh!
God, how do you learn to do that?
I don't know.
Maybe they took a lesson?
Oh, my-that is insane.
Nobody can do that.
Maybe i should take a lesson, huh?
Hey, lindsay, can i ask you something?
Hmm?
Yeah.
Cindy and i are going
to this party together,
And i think it's sort of like a date.
Really?
Yes.
She kissed me good-bye today in school,
And i didn't know what to do.
I just stood there.
She kissed you?
Yeah.
What if she wants
To kiss me at the party for real?
Yeah?
Well, what if i do it wrong?
You can't kiss wrong.
You'll know what to do
When it happens.
It's just that...
I've never had a girlfriend before.
Just be yourself, sam.
That's
Be a gentleman
And don't be weird
And don't smother her.
Nick was so into me,
He made me want to move
to a different country.
Oh, my god.
I don't think nick's in love with you.
I think he's in love with mom and d.
Oh, my god.
This is the best family, ever.
Who is it?
Hey, it's Nick.
D-D-Don't opi
wanted to sa
That youare letting me I think
it's rand your pstay here.
Go back to bed.
I really appreciate it.
You know?
I need you to know that.
Know.
Please just don't OK, good night.
Good night.
Ng
Unh!
Oh.
Hey.
I was, uh, working.
Hey, um...
Those are, uh, nice pajamas.
This is a whole new world.
I see double-dating
And triple-dating
And cheerleaders at your house
And me at your house.
Congratulations, sam.
I heard about your good fortune.
Thanks.
She's the one that should be thankful.
You're a catch.
So, can you get bill and i into this party?
I don't know. I haven't
really thought about it.
Well, think about it.
I don't-i don't want to go.
Why not?
Everyone wantso go to a make-out party.
It's a make-out party?
Uh-huh.
Nobody told me it was a make-out party.
Well, you better get ready to make out.
Otherwise she's gonna
think you don't like her.
You're not gonna french kiss cindy,
Are you, sam?
French kissingi woul is gross.
Dn't french kiss in a million years.
And why the hell not?
Hello.
Germs. Spit. Mucus. old bits of food.
That's just to name a couple.
There's a lot of things in there.
I mean, why do you have
to use your tongue, anyway?
Aren't you supposed to kiss with your lips?
Because it's not a real kiss
Unless you use your tongue.
Why?
What's the point?
I mean, what are you supposed to do?
Lick the inside of her mouth?
Are
You supposed to lick her teeth?
Do you make your tongue hard or soft?
God, bill. Enough.
What? I want to know now,
Since everyone seems to think
That french kissing is so great.
Ok, bill.
You put your tongue
Against her tongue.
What if she puts her tongue
Too far into my mouth? Wh-
What if i throw up?
What if i throw up all over her?
What if i throw up in her mouth?
Ugh, shut up, bill!
That's disgusting!
Sorry.
Well, i'm just telling you guys
I'm not doing it.
Well, i am,
As soon as possible.
What do you say, can we go?
Well, if i take you,
Then i have to take gordon and harris.
Guys, i can't make it.
I'm saving my virginity
For the future mrs. Crisp.
Nah, i have a date with judith.
Every night's a make-out party with us.
Yes.
Whoopie.
All these make-out
parties start the same way-
Spin the bottle.
That's why this bottle is the
key to our make-out future.
He spin
Will determine whether we have
a good night or a great night.
You can't control a bottle, neal.
Oh, can't i? just watch.
I've been practicing all week.
How'd you do that?
It's all finger control.
All you have to do is train yourself
To make the bottle spin 2 revolutions,
Then you add or subtract a
small percentage of torque
Based on the position of your target.
That's amazing!
All i can say is... hello, ladies!
What?
What if...they don't wanna kiss us?
That's the genius part
of the game. They have to!
I don't know. i just...i just
Don't wanna see the expression on their face
When they see that the bottle lands on me.
Bill, who cares if they look disappointed?
All i care about is if they
look disappointed after the kiss.
But i know they won't with me,
Because i plan on delivering the goods.
Do people fren the bottle?
Some do.
Most don't.
I do.
I don't feel so good.
I t
Hink i'm goin' to katmandu
That's really, really where i'm goin' to
If i ever get outta here
That's what i'm gonna do
K-k-k-katmandu
I think it's really where i'm goin' to
If i ever get outta here
I'm goin' to katmandu
I got no kick against the west coast
Warner brothers are such good hosts
I raise my whiskey glass
and give 'em a toast
I'm sure they know it's true
Here we go.
Eve
Ry time i been there, it's been great
But now i'm leavin', and i can't be late
And to myself be true
Your turtleneck. take offthat's my look.
I can't. I'm not wearing
anything underneath.
Besides, i happen to
look cool in a turtleneck.
So do i! Everyone looks cool in turtlenecks.
That's the point! We can't both wear them.
We'll look like the smothers brothers.
Tsh.
I'm not goin' in topless.
Fine. i'll take mine off.
Nice dickey!
Shut up.
Guys, guys, ok...
Be cool.
You be cool.
Just-just don't embarrass me, ok?
What? Now that you're going out with cindy,
You're ashamed of us? don't embarrassme.
Fine. Be that way. i don't care.
Hey, guys.
Hey, sam.
You, um... you look really good.
So do you, cindy.
You look beautiful.
Anks, sam. you're sweet.
Come on.
Are you going in?
Don't rush me.
Are you ok?
You remember that scene at
the beginning ofanimal house
Where flounder wants to
get into the fraternity,
But they don't think he's cool,
So they put him in that room
With the blind guy and the indian guy?
About to be sent ike we'reinto that room.
Blind guys are cool.
They have supersonic hearing.
You're right.
Let's mingle.
So, did you kids have a good day today?
Uh...
I don't know. it was ok.
I had, like, the best day, mrs. Weir.
I took my first drum lesson ever.
Oh, wow.
A drum lesson?
Yeah.
Hey, how'd that go, nick?
It went so well, mr. Weir.
The drum teacher, terry breeze,
He's, like, the coolest guy.
He taught me how to hold
the drumsticks jazz style,
Like this.
Paradiddle, paradiddle, paradiddle.
Good.
Nick, where did you get money
To take drum lessons?
Um, your dad.
Yeah. Nick'sonna work part-time
as a stock boy at my store
To pay for his lessons.
Lesson good for you.
All right. I'll get the ham, and we'll eat.
Let me help you, mrs. Weir,
'cause hams can be heavy.
Jeez. Dad, that's really nice of you.
What do you mean?
I just mean
At you're playing records for nick
And giving him drum lessons
And letting him stay at the house.
That's...
What's the deal?
Well, i'm trying to help the kid out.
What, you don't want me to?
No, i'm just wondering why,
When nick has a problem,
You're nice and logical.
When i do, you just yell at me.
That's because i expect more from you.
Nick's father is a hard man.
My old man was the same way.
Yeah, i know the feeling.
Lindsay?
Trust me, you don't.
Now, anytime you wanna
dance with me to gene krupa,
I'll be around.
Oh, why does the bottle keep landing on me?
Hey, how come the bottle never lands on me?
Girl: OK. WHOSE SPIN?
That's 3 times.
Now it's 7 minutes in heaven.
I'll give you 81/2.
All right Cindy. Your spin.
Oh, yes!
Sam, i'm sorry.
Yeah, sorry, sam.
Come on, cindy.
Yes?
Hello. i'm nick's father.
Oh. Well, i'm harold weir.
It's a pleasure meet you, sir.
Come on in.
Nick, it's time to come home.
Ok.
Could i talk to you in
the kitchen for a minute?
Sure.
Look, i appreciate your
letting nick stay here.
Oh, it was our pleasure.
That's quite a kid you've got there.
Yeah.
So, uh...
You gave his drums away, huh?
I guess they may be pretty distracting.
You have no idea.
Eh, things kids will get into.
When i was a kid,
I was always bringing dogs home.
Uh-huh.
Well,
Teenagers will try all sorts of things.
Sometimes you just gotta let 'em be kids.
Harold, how old is your son?
14.
You call me when he turns 16.
Hello there.
Great. 2 more guys.
Oh, god.
I lay my head on the railroad tracks
I'm waitin' for the double "e"...
It's kind of on me a little.
No, it's not.
Poor, poor, pitiful me
Oh, of course.
Poor, poor, pitiful me
Thanks.
These young girls won't let me be
Lord, have mercy on me
Woe is me
Whoo!
Ok, becky.
Oh, my god.
Just...quickly. Come on.
On the cheek.
Oh! God!
This is ridiculous.
There is obviously something
wrong with that bottle.
It keeps landing on you, bill.
Switch with her.
What ?
Ok.
Oh, woe is me
Ok. I'm spinning again.
No!
Hey, just kiss him and get it over with.
Your turn.
She took me back to the hyatt house
I don't wanna talk about it
Hey!
That's 3.
Vicki and bill are goin' in
For 7 minutes in heaven.
Shut up, you guys!
Sittin' in a tree
Come o
N. Let's just get this over with.
Huh! Never mind
Unbelievle.
Whoo-hoo!
Close the door.
Poor, poor, pitiful me
Well, uh, thanks again.
I hope he wasn't too much trouble.
Oh, no. He wasn't any trouble at all.
I'll be out in the car.
Ok.
Good night.
You guys sure you don't wanna adopt me?
You sure you're gonna be ok?
Yeah.
I mean, he came looking for me, right?
Didn't really think that was gonna happen.
Hey, stop by any time.
I will.
I'll see you at school.
Yeah. I'll see you at school.
Um, you know, i just... thank you so much.
Good night.
Good night.
I'm really glad you could
make it tonight, sam.
Yeah, me, too.
Cindy, do you wanna...
Go in one of these rooms
and talk or something?
Ok.
Don't even think about it, ok?
Ls good.
Just stay away from me, ok?
You're not gonna touch me,
And you are defi it?
You know-you know what?
You're a jerk.
I couldn't be less happy you're a jerwas
just tryingto makto be in here with you,
So quit acting like i'm
hoping i can kiss you.
It's actuawant to do right now.
You know what,ok? That wasn't nice of me.
3 minutes and 26
- 26 seconds left...in heaven.
Well, here we are.
Yeah.
Here we are.
Well, maybe we should listen to some music.
You-uh-
Can i ask you a queson?
What?
Pretty?
I don't know.
Ke, this isthe only way
That i've ever looked.
R
'Cause they'reever nice to me.
Well...
This is not true, bill.
Every time i look at you,
You look like you're
having a pretty good time.
Yeah. Yeah.
You're always laughing or something.
So what are you laughing about?
I watcmovies in my head.
Heh heh...
Hey, dad.
That was really nice what you did for nick.
I'm sorry you think i don't
treat you right sometimes.
I didn't saythat,dad.
I just...
Wish you could talk to
me like you talk to nick.
You know what the difference is
Between you and nick?
You're my daughter.
And...every second you're out of this house,
Every second that i can't see you
Or know what you're doing,
It's...
It's absolute torture for me.
Dad, i can't stay inside all the time.
I know.
Why not?
Good night, honey.
All right. good night, dad.
So all the cans behind steve
martin start springing holes,
And steve martin says, "there's
something wrong with these cans."
And he sees the guy shooting, and he says,
"That guy hates these cans."
It's really funny.
There's...
Somethin' you should know, babe
The hell.
I've en you smilin'... what? What?
Don't ever
I'v when you run
I've made my mind up that it's meant to be
Someday, lady, you'll accompany me
Out where the rivers meet the soundin' sea
You're high abovee now, you're wild and free
Ah, but someday, lady, you'll accompany me
Someday, lady, you'll accompany me
Yeah
Um...cindy, can i kiss you?
Of course.
Some people say that love's a losin' game
You start with fire, but you lose the flame
The ashes smolder, but the warm's soon gone
You end up cold and lonely...
Oh! hold on one second.
I'll take my chances, babe
I'll risk it all
I'll win your love
Ll de my mind up...
Bill, your 7 minutes were up 5 minutes ago.
Vicki, your nightmare's over.
Someday, lady, you'll accompany me
Bill. God, this really sucks.
Bill. Bill.
Hello, bill.
They got a lotta crap here, huh?
No kidding.
I think
I'm gonna try to sell all my junk.
You know, my crap is way
better than this crap.
Look at all these books, man.
Why do people save their books,
Like...read a book twice?
They're probably just
bragging to us, you know?
They're like, "ooh! Look at
all these books i've read.
I'm so clever! I read a
lot of books and stuff!"
Oh...check it out, man!
They got bongos!
Yep.
We could play evil ways if we had these.
Yeah, actually, that would bring
The andopolis drum kit to an even 30 pieces.
31 pieces.
All right. I'm gonna buy these, man.
This garage sale rules.
Hey, man, listen, you gotta be quiet
Ff at me.
Why?
Did he see your report card?
Yeah.
No, i was playing american band
While he was watching 60 minutes.
Um...
Nick...where are your drums?
You had no right to give my drums away!
Those drums were making you go deaf.
Otherwise, you would
have heard all the times
That i tried to tell
you to clean up your act.
You know that i've been trying.
Fine. With a little more effort,
You could end up living in a cardboard box.
Those drums were my personal property.
Your only personal property is your future.
Maybe the drums are my future!
Why don't you think about that?
End of conversation.
You owe me money.
Excuse me?
Those were my drums,
I paid for them, and you sold them,
And i want the money.
How much did you spend on drums
And how much did you spend on drugs?
Give me my money!
End of conversation.
Fine. You know what? i'm outta here,
And i hope that you enjoy
your peace and quiet.
There's something wrong with these cans!
He hates these cans!
The jerk is the perfect movie.
There isn't one scene in
it that isn't hilarious.
Nope. caddyshack'sbetter.
Way funnier.
Ted knight is the funniest.
Ooh, billy, billy, billy.
Ooh, billy, billy, billy! Huh?
No, no. That movie is so uneven.
I mean, yeah, half of it
rules, but half of it sucks.
It's just likestripes. You
could not tell me what happened
In the second half of the movie.
They get reassigned to europe
to work on a top secret mission
Concerning the urban assault vehicle.
Then the stupid border
guys wouldn't let them in.
That's when, um
- um, sam?
Can i talk to you for a second?
Uh...
Yeah.
Over here.
Oh.
Sam, i just broke up with todd.
Really?
Wow.
Um...i'm sorry.
Don't be! todd's a jerk.
He's only interested in one thing.
All these jocks are.
Yeah. Yeah.
So anyways, i was wondering,
Are you gonna be home tonight?
Yeah.
Good.
'Cause i'm gonna call you.
I really need someone to talk to.
Ok. Uh...
And, you know, any time. Ha ha.
My god!
It's happening!
You guys, where's my chair?
Shallots?
It's a potato.
They're shallots, right?
Hey, is anybody using this chair?
No.
You can have it.
Really?
That's really nice of you.
Grateful dead.
Music sucks. chicks are hot!
Yeah.
Does anybody wanna give me a neck rub?
Ha ha! God, nick!
I can't believe you spent
the night on daniel's floor!
His carpet is, like, infested!
Better than sleeping in my maverick.
Kinda.
You gonna go home tonight?
No. Not as long as that fascist is there.
Hey, ken, can i stay at
your house tonight, man?
No. My dad.
He'll have a conniption fit.
Thanks a lot, man.
You know, he doesn't even
let my grandma stay over.
He's got issues.
Whatever, man. Thanks.
I'd invite you over again,
nick, but you blew it.
You gotta remember to flush the toilet!
My mom almost had a
heart attack this morning.
Oh! nick: he's just joking.
I'm not joking!
Can you not talk about this now, please?
I had to plunge-
Can you not talk about this now, please?
Definitely, i wanna stay at your place. No.
I-you know what? No. no thanks.
Hey, lindsay, you think that maybe
I could, uh, stay at your place tonight?
God, nick, if it were
up to me...sure, but...
Come on, my dad? He's
way worse than ken's dad.
Yeah. No, don't
- no problem.
Nice try, though, nick.
Shut up, man.
What you should have done is
you should have pretended to cry.
You would have been in
if you pretended to cry.
Dad, give me one good reason
Why there can't be a woman president.
It's called 3 irrational days per month.
Now, i would have no
issue with the other 27,
But...we're talking about
the atomic bomb here!
Oh, harold!
Dad, that is so stupid!
You know, men get periods, too.
It has tdo with your body tides.
My body does not have a tide.
Those religious people have
been bothering me all day.
Can't a man finish his supper
Without those religious types bothering us?
Hey, uh, mr. Weir.
Is lindsay home?
She's eating dinner.
Oh, yeah. i can tell.
God, it smells really great in there.
Let me guess.
Meat?
Congratulations.
Hey...nick.
What are you doing?
You know... Just came by to say hey.
I-i didn't realize that you guys
were gonna be eating so late.
You guys eat late.
Oh! Hey, nick.
Hey, mrs. Weir. Boy, i was just saying...
Your pot roast smells amazing.
Well, uh...would you like
to join us for dinner?
We've got plenty of food.
I mean, sure,
If-yeah! that would rock!
I haven't eaten dinner yet!
Is it ok with you, mr. Weir?
Oh. Yeah. Yeah.
It would...rock.
Mrs. Weir: COME ON.
Oh, wow. this worked out well.
Oh, my god!
Mrs. Weir...
This pot roast is unbelievable!
You're even a better cook than my mom.
Oh, i'm sure she does fine.
You don't get to be as tall as you are
Without somebody doing
something right nutritionally.
Hey, uh, so...
Mr. Weir...
You sell sleeping bags, right?
Yeah. Why, you going camping?
No.
I've just been spending a lot of my time
Sleeping on people's floors...
Lately, so, you know, i thought
i should probably get a good bag.
Why on eth are you
sleeping on people's floors?
My dad kicked me out of the house.
He didn't kick you out.
He sold my drums.
That doesn't really seem
like an invitation to stay.
Now, wait a minute.
He didn't just sell your drums.
I mean, the man must have had a reason.
Yeah. He had a really stupid reason.
He said... that my drums
Were interfering with my schoolwork.
I think my schoolwork was
interfering with my drums.
Terrible.
Why don't you spend the night over here?
On the couch.
What?
Really?
You mean it?
Yeah.
Oh, my gosh.
My gosh. You guys e the nicest people.
Your whole family is... so nice!
Thank you so much!
Oh! Oh, my gosh.
Oh...i
T's like you cooked this in heaven...
Then brought it back
down here to your table.
Oh, stop!
Bill, i need to talk to you for a second.
It's about yesterday.
That wasn't me. That was
neal. He just said it was me.
What?
Uh-noth-what?
Anyway...
Sam and i had the greatest
conversation yesterday.
It just...lasted for hours!
Look, i know i can trust you with this,
Because we're lab partners.
I like sam.
Me, too.
No, ilikelike sam.
Oh.
Oh!
I don't know.
It's like i never date nice guys.
I should try it. I mean,
i think i deserve to.
So do you think he likes me?
It's hard to tell.
Well, do you think you can find out for me?
Ok.
And tell him to ask me to mona's party.
There he is.
Thanks.
Everyone take their seats.
We've got a busy class ahead of us.
Bill! Psst! What just happened?
Cindy wanted me to find out if you li-
Gentlemen, can we save the chitchat
For the cafeteria?
Today we will be having a pop quiz.
Cindy-
Gentlemen!
Yes...mr. Hal?
All right, nick. this is what you gotta do.
Get her to stay up watching tv with you,
right, until her parents go to sleep.
Then you offer to give a back rub.
You do it right... you're in.
All right, look. Let's get
this straight, all right?
Lindsay and i are just friends, ok?
And, anyways, i think it's
really cool of her parents
To let me stay at the
house. That's it, all right?
Ok, man. Just friends. I didn't realize.
I mean, you know, look, i-
If she came to me in the
middle of the night...
And was, like, you know,
"nick, i love you..."
I wouldn't turn her away.
Did he try to give you a back rub?
No.
Well, he will.
He if tries to give you
a foot massage...run.
Kim, what am i gonna do?
It's just too weird having him in my house!
You have to kick him out, lindsay!
No. I can't do that.
Well...
Then you're in for a long night.
I don't believe you.
It's true.
If this is some kind of a joke...
And you're trying to set me up,
I'll stop being your
friend. I'm not kidding.
It's true!
Sam, you gotta ask her to that party!
I don't-i don't even know mona!
What's the difference?
it's what cindy wants!
I think she wants to be your girlfriend.
Oh, man.
Neal: WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?
You wanted this for years!
be a man! Go get her!
Yeah, i know, but
- but what?
I'm scared!
Well, they're not.
I can hear what they're saying right now.
"Uh, hey, cindy,
You want to go with me to mona's party?"
"Well, i was kind of hoping
"That sam was gonna ask me,
"But since he doesn't seem interested,
Ok, thor."
Ok, ok, shut up.
I'm gonna ask her.
Hey, cindy? Um...
Can i talk to you for a second?
Hey, sam.
Yeah, sure.
Hey, i'll see you guys later.
Ok, after french class?
Yeah. ok.
What's up?
I was wondering...
Do you want to come to mona's party with me?
I'd love to.
Really?
Really.
It's happening.
They're smiling.
Going out withcindy,
And stops hanging out with us?
He won't.
He'll get us in with cindy's friends.
Like vicky.
Oh, man, i love her.
Thought you said they were pod people?
A cult, you said.
They are.
But that's one cult i wouldn't mind joining.
Bring on the pods.
Uh, well i'll see you there.
Ok.
It's gonna be a lot of fun.
Yeah.
Call me?
Ok.
See ya!
It's on.
Nick.
It's quiet hour.
Am i being too loud? i'm sorry.
Shouldn't you be doing your homework?
Me?
Um, yeah,
I mean, i was.
You were?
Then maybe you ought to finish it.
You're starting to sound
like my dad, mr. Weir.
Oh, yeah?
Well, then, your dad is a smart man.
I'm a drummer, you know,
So, i mean, this is my homework.
Oh, come on, nick.
This isn't homework.
This is screwing around.
Now, if you're really a drummer,
Your homework would be
practicing your drums.
Well, i'd like to be practicing my drums,
You know? But my dad gave them away.
Well, then you go out and you find 2 sticks
And you pound on a rock.
Wanted to be a drummer
Would do if someone took his drums from him.
You know, when i was in high school,
I was working in a department store,
And learning all about retail,
And i still got straight as.
Now don't tell me you can't find time
To do both things.
You can't be that easy on yourself, nick.
Push yourself.
You're a smart kid.
That's really, um...
That's really cool of you to say, mr. Weir.
It's true.
Oh.
By the way, that drummer
you're listening to?
Yeah.
He's terrible.
That's neil peart.
He's the greatest drummer alive.
Well, neil peart couldn't drum his way
Out of a paper bag.
You want to hear drumming?
All right. Come on.
I'll play you drumming.
That guy is amazing.
How did you hear about him?
Are you kidding? these guys?
I grew up with gene krupa and buddy rich.
Oh, god.
How do they do that?
They must hold the sticks like this.
I can't do that.
I've never been able to do that.
You can go faster that way.
Oh!
God, how do you learn to do that?
I don't know.
Maybe they took a lesson?
Oh, my-that is insane.
Nobody can do that.
Maybe i should take a lesson, huh?
Hey, lindsay, can i ask you something?
Hmm?
Yeah.
Cindy and i are going
to this party together,
And i think it's sort of like a date.
Really?
Yes.
She kissed me good-bye today in school,
And i didn't know what to do.
I just stood there.
She kissed you?
Yeah.
What if she wants
To kiss me at the party for real?
Yeah?
Well, what if i do it wrong?
You can't kiss wrong.
You'll know what to do
When it happens.
It's just that...
I've never had a girlfriend before.
Just be yourself, sam.
That's
Be a gentleman
And don't be weird
And don't smother her.
Nick was so into me,
He made me want to move
to a different country.
Oh, my god.
I don't think nick's in love with you.
I think he's in love with mom and d.
Oh, my god.
This is the best family, ever.
Who is it?
Hey, it's Nick.
D-D-Don't opi
wanted to sa
That youare letting me I think
it's rand your pstay here.
Go back to bed.
I really appreciate it.
You know?
I need you to know that.
Know.
Please just don't OK, good night.
Good night.
Ng
Unh!
Oh.
Hey.
I was, uh, working.
Hey, um...
Those are, uh, nice pajamas.
This is a whole new world.
I see double-dating
And triple-dating
And cheerleaders at your house
And me at your house.
Congratulations, sam.
I heard about your good fortune.
Thanks.
She's the one that should be thankful.
You're a catch.
So, can you get bill and i into this party?
I don't know. I haven't
really thought about it.
Well, think about it.
I don't-i don't want to go.
Why not?
Everyone wantso go to a make-out party.
It's a make-out party?
Uh-huh.
Nobody told me it was a make-out party.
Well, you better get ready to make out.
Otherwise she's gonna
think you don't like her.
You're not gonna french kiss cindy,
Are you, sam?
French kissingi woul is gross.
Dn't french kiss in a million years.
And why the hell not?
Hello.
Germs. Spit. Mucus. old bits of food.
That's just to name a couple.
There's a lot of things in there.
I mean, why do you have
to use your tongue, anyway?
Aren't you supposed to kiss with your lips?
Because it's not a real kiss
Unless you use your tongue.
Why?
What's the point?
I mean, what are you supposed to do?
Lick the inside of her mouth?
Are
You supposed to lick her teeth?
Do you make your tongue hard or soft?
God, bill. Enough.
What? I want to know now,
Since everyone seems to think
That french kissing is so great.
Ok, bill.
You put your tongue
Against her tongue.
What if she puts her tongue
Too far into my mouth? Wh-
What if i throw up?
What if i throw up all over her?
What if i throw up in her mouth?
Ugh, shut up, bill!
That's disgusting!
Sorry.
Well, i'm just telling you guys
I'm not doing it.
Well, i am,
As soon as possible.
What do you say, can we go?
Well, if i take you,
Then i have to take gordon and harris.
Guys, i can't make it.
I'm saving my virginity
For the future mrs. Crisp.
Nah, i have a date with judith.
Every night's a make-out party with us.
Yes.
Whoopie.
All these make-out
parties start the same way-
Spin the bottle.
That's why this bottle is the
key to our make-out future.
He spin
Will determine whether we have
a good night or a great night.
You can't control a bottle, neal.
Oh, can't i? just watch.
I've been practicing all week.
How'd you do that?
It's all finger control.
All you have to do is train yourself
To make the bottle spin 2 revolutions,
Then you add or subtract a
small percentage of torque
Based on the position of your target.
That's amazing!
All i can say is... hello, ladies!
What?
What if...they don't wanna kiss us?
That's the genius part
of the game. They have to!
I don't know. i just...i just
Don't wanna see the expression on their face
When they see that the bottle lands on me.
Bill, who cares if they look disappointed?
All i care about is if they
look disappointed after the kiss.
But i know they won't with me,
Because i plan on delivering the goods.
Do people fren the bottle?
Some do.
Most don't.
I do.
I don't feel so good.
I t
Hink i'm goin' to katmandu
That's really, really where i'm goin' to
If i ever get outta here
That's what i'm gonna do
K-k-k-katmandu
I think it's really where i'm goin' to
If i ever get outta here
I'm goin' to katmandu
I got no kick against the west coast
Warner brothers are such good hosts
I raise my whiskey glass
and give 'em a toast
I'm sure they know it's true
Here we go.
Eve
Ry time i been there, it's been great
But now i'm leavin', and i can't be late
And to myself be true
Your turtleneck. take offthat's my look.
I can't. I'm not wearing
anything underneath.
Besides, i happen to
look cool in a turtleneck.
So do i! Everyone looks cool in turtlenecks.
That's the point! We can't both wear them.
We'll look like the smothers brothers.
Tsh.
I'm not goin' in topless.
Fine. i'll take mine off.
Nice dickey!
Shut up.
Guys, guys, ok...
Be cool.
You be cool.
Just-just don't embarrass me, ok?
What? Now that you're going out with cindy,
You're ashamed of us? don't embarrassme.
Fine. Be that way. i don't care.
Hey, guys.
Hey, sam.
You, um... you look really good.
So do you, cindy.
You look beautiful.
Anks, sam. you're sweet.
Come on.
Are you going in?
Don't rush me.
Are you ok?
You remember that scene at
the beginning ofanimal house
Where flounder wants to
get into the fraternity,
But they don't think he's cool,
So they put him in that room
With the blind guy and the indian guy?
About to be sent ike we'reinto that room.
Blind guys are cool.
They have supersonic hearing.
You're right.
Let's mingle.
So, did you kids have a good day today?
Uh...
I don't know. it was ok.
I had, like, the best day, mrs. Weir.
I took my first drum lesson ever.
Oh, wow.
A drum lesson?
Yeah.
Hey, how'd that go, nick?
It went so well, mr. Weir.
The drum teacher, terry breeze,
He's, like, the coolest guy.
He taught me how to hold
the drumsticks jazz style,
Like this.
Paradiddle, paradiddle, paradiddle.
Good.
Nick, where did you get money
To take drum lessons?
Um, your dad.
Yeah. Nick'sonna work part-time
as a stock boy at my store
To pay for his lessons.
Lesson good for you.
All right. I'll get the ham, and we'll eat.
Let me help you, mrs. Weir,
'cause hams can be heavy.
Jeez. Dad, that's really nice of you.
What do you mean?
I just mean
At you're playing records for nick
And giving him drum lessons
And letting him stay at the house.
That's...
What's the deal?
Well, i'm trying to help the kid out.
What, you don't want me to?
No, i'm just wondering why,
When nick has a problem,
You're nice and logical.
When i do, you just yell at me.
That's because i expect more from you.
Nick's father is a hard man.
My old man was the same way.
Yeah, i know the feeling.
Lindsay?
Trust me, you don't.
Now, anytime you wanna
dance with me to gene krupa,
I'll be around.
Oh, why does the bottle keep landing on me?
Hey, how come the bottle never lands on me?
Girl: OK. WHOSE SPIN?
That's 3 times.
Now it's 7 minutes in heaven.
I'll give you 81/2.
All right Cindy. Your spin.
Oh, yes!
Sam, i'm sorry.
Yeah, sorry, sam.
Come on, cindy.
Yes?
Hello. i'm nick's father.
Oh. Well, i'm harold weir.
It's a pleasure meet you, sir.
Come on in.
Nick, it's time to come home.
Ok.
Could i talk to you in
the kitchen for a minute?
Sure.
Look, i appreciate your
letting nick stay here.
Oh, it was our pleasure.
That's quite a kid you've got there.
Yeah.
So, uh...
You gave his drums away, huh?
I guess they may be pretty distracting.
You have no idea.
Eh, things kids will get into.
When i was a kid,
I was always bringing dogs home.
Uh-huh.
Well,
Teenagers will try all sorts of things.
Sometimes you just gotta let 'em be kids.
Harold, how old is your son?
14.
You call me when he turns 16.
Hello there.
Great. 2 more guys.
Oh, god.
I lay my head on the railroad tracks
I'm waitin' for the double "e"...
It's kind of on me a little.
No, it's not.
Poor, poor, pitiful me
Oh, of course.
Poor, poor, pitiful me
Thanks.
These young girls won't let me be
Lord, have mercy on me
Woe is me
Whoo!
Ok, becky.
Oh, my god.
Just...quickly. Come on.
On the cheek.
Oh! God!
This is ridiculous.
There is obviously something
wrong with that bottle.
It keeps landing on you, bill.
Switch with her.
What ?
Ok.
Oh, woe is me
Ok. I'm spinning again.
No!
Hey, just kiss him and get it over with.
Your turn.
She took me back to the hyatt house
I don't wanna talk about it
Hey!
That's 3.
Vicki and bill are goin' in
For 7 minutes in heaven.
Shut up, you guys!
Sittin' in a tree
Come o
N. Let's just get this over with.
Huh! Never mind
Unbelievle.
Whoo-hoo!
Close the door.
Poor, poor, pitiful me
Well, uh, thanks again.
I hope he wasn't too much trouble.
Oh, no. He wasn't any trouble at all.
I'll be out in the car.
Ok.
Good night.
You guys sure you don't wanna adopt me?
You sure you're gonna be ok?
Yeah.
I mean, he came looking for me, right?
Didn't really think that was gonna happen.
Hey, stop by any time.
I will.
I'll see you at school.
Yeah. I'll see you at school.
Um, you know, i just... thank you so much.
Good night.
Good night.
I'm really glad you could
make it tonight, sam.
Yeah, me, too.
Cindy, do you wanna...
Go in one of these rooms
and talk or something?
Ok.
Don't even think about it, ok?
Ls good.
Just stay away from me, ok?
You're not gonna touch me,
And you are defi it?
You know-you know what?
You're a jerk.
I couldn't be less happy you're a jerwas
just tryingto makto be in here with you,
So quit acting like i'm
hoping i can kiss you.
It's actuawant to do right now.
You know what,ok? That wasn't nice of me.
3 minutes and 26
- 26 seconds left...in heaven.
Well, here we are.
Yeah.
Here we are.
Well, maybe we should listen to some music.
You-uh-
Can i ask you a queson?
What?
Pretty?
I don't know.
Ke, this isthe only way
That i've ever looked.
R
'Cause they'reever nice to me.
Well...
This is not true, bill.
Every time i look at you,
You look like you're
having a pretty good time.
Yeah. Yeah.
You're always laughing or something.
So what are you laughing about?
I watcmovies in my head.
Heh heh...
Hey, dad.
That was really nice what you did for nick.
I'm sorry you think i don't
treat you right sometimes.
I didn't saythat,dad.
I just...
Wish you could talk to
me like you talk to nick.
You know what the difference is
Between you and nick?
You're my daughter.
And...every second you're out of this house,
Every second that i can't see you
Or know what you're doing,
It's...
It's absolute torture for me.
Dad, i can't stay inside all the time.
I know.
Why not?
Good night, honey.
All right. good night, dad.
So all the cans behind steve
martin start springing holes,
And steve martin says, "there's
something wrong with these cans."
And he sees the guy shooting, and he says,
"That guy hates these cans."
It's really funny.
There's...
Somethin' you should know, babe
The hell.
I've en you smilin'... what? What?
Don't ever
I'v when you run
I've made my mind up that it's meant to be
Someday, lady, you'll accompany me
Out where the rivers meet the soundin' sea
You're high abovee now, you're wild and free
Ah, but someday, lady, you'll accompany me
Someday, lady, you'll accompany me
Yeah
Um...cindy, can i kiss you?
Of course.
Some people say that love's a losin' game
You start with fire, but you lose the flame
The ashes smolder, but the warm's soon gone
You end up cold and lonely...
Oh! hold on one second.
I'll take my chances, babe
I'll risk it all
I'll win your love
Ll de my mind up...
Bill, your 7 minutes were up 5 minutes ago.
Vicki, your nightmare's over.
Someday, lady, you'll accompany me
Bill. God, this really sucks.
Bill. Bill.
Hello, bill.