Freaks and Geeks (1999–2000): Season 1, Episode 14 - Dead Dogs and Gym Teachers - full transcript

Freaks and Geeks S01E14 Dead Dogs And Gym Teachers (VO)

Sure, lindsay. you can go see the who.

And you can go see the rolling
stones at altamont, too.

Come on, dad. Don't make
a big deal out of it.

It would be so much fun.

I'm sure it'd be fun. what's not fun

About sitting around in a
cloud of marijuana smoke,

Watching some maniac wag his bloody tongue?

That's not the who, dad. that's kiss.

The who smash their guitars.

That's terrible.



They don't do that anymore.

Mom, the who wrote a rock opera.

I'm sure it's terrific.

Honey, i don't see what the big deal is.

She's been to concer before.

We took her to see rich little last summer.

May an overfed yak

Relieve himself on your buick.

Ha ha ha! ha ha!

That's good. That sounds just like him.

Mom, rich little isn't a concert.

Oh, yeah? Well, you tell that

To the 2,000 people

That were laughing their butts off.



They're not too loud, are they?

No.

Says tha the guinness book of world records

T they're the loudest band on earth.

Sam.

Hey, if i'm not allowed

To seekentucky fried movieever,

Then you shouldn't be
allowed to see the who.

Dad...how am i supposed to become an adult

If you never treat me like one?

Fine. i'll tell you what.

I'm gonna listen to one of these records,

And if there's nothing objectionable on it,

I'll let you go.

Thanks, dad. i'm sure it's fine.

Don't get ahead of yourself.

I'll be listening to it backwards, too.

Tball, not a tea party!

Come on, move it!

Move it, you guys! come on!

Man, this is some sloppy play.

I'm free

I'm free...

Gimme the ball!

Give me the ball!

And freedom tastes of reality

Haverchuck!

I'm free

I'm free...

Bill, put it in!

Oh, no!

This is not good.

...For you to follow me

Nice shot, haverchuck.

Told you not to pass it to him.

I'm telling you guys, seriously.

No disrespect to zeppelin,

But i saw the who

2 weeks ago atit indianapolis.

Blew my mind. it was crazy.

Man, i can't wait till they hit detroit.

Oh, i hope my ears start bleeding.

Hey, i got an idea.

My cousin floyd, he's got that school bus

He got at the city auction?

We could all go in that
- on our own...magic bus.

Yeah, a magic schoolbus.

Shut up.

I hope ldsay gets to go.

I want to write her a song on my guitar...

Tell her how i feel.

You can't even play the guitar, thank god.

That's where you're wrong.

I'm like pete townshend, man.

Self-taught. i'm a master. Wanna see?

Ready, man. rip one off.

This is a little song i wrote for you guys.

Michael, row the boat ashore

Hallelujah

Michael, row the boat...

Hey, hey...coco...

This isn't the cafeteria fromfame.

Uncle, uncle.

Who the hell's coco?

She was that hot chick who
took her shirt off in the movie.

Ohh, yeah! that was sweet, man.

Every year is the same

And i feel it again

I'm a loser

O chance to win

Leaves start fallin'

Comedown is callin'

Loneliness starts sinkin' in

But i'm one

I am one

And i can see that this is me

And i will be

You'll all see i'm the one

I'm one

I am one

And i can see that this is me

And i will be

You'll all see i'm the one

I'm the one

Eh-heh, heh...

Hey, little man.

Hey, mom. how was work?

Oh...dead.

I made 18 bucks in tips today.

How is anybody supposed
to live on that, huh?

Oh, no, you're not gonna
start dancing again, are you?

No.

Good.

Besides, they don't want

An old broad like me anymore.

Mom. it's true.

So...guess what?

We're gonna have a guest
over for dinner tonight.

Dad? no, no.

This is a... a new friend.

Another new friend?

It's... someone you know.

Neal's dad?

Dick schweiber? no! Gross!

God, you gotta be kidding me.

No. This is somebody
that i met at your school.

Do you remember when i had to come in

For that parent-teacher conference

'Cause you were having a hard time at gym?

Yeah.

Well, i've been...

I've been seeing mr. Fredricks.

My gym teacher?!

Physical education teacher.

No, you can't!

Honey, he's a really nice guy.

No, he's not!

He's a jerk. he's a dumb jock.

No, he's not. You just
don't know him very well.

I know him better than you do, believe me.

I doubt that.

We've been seeing each
other for a little while now.

What? Why didn't you tell me?

Because i didn't want you to get upset.

I was just waiting to see
if it was serious or not.

It's serious?

I think so.

You gotta-
you gotta-

You gotta...dump him.

Who's that?

How much do tickets cost?

40 apiece, but the who never tour.

I heard this is gonna
be their last tour ever.

I hear fleetwood mac is amazing in concert.

I heard stevie nicks is a witch.

What do you mean?

I don't know. she does witch stuff.

She casts spells on people.

I heard she cast a love
spell on lindsay buckingham.

I like all her shawls.

Maybe i should be a witch.

Cut off a lock of daniel's hair

And stick it to a voodoo doll.

That way, whenever he gets out of line,

I'll just jab him with a pin,

And he'll shut up.

I don't think so. voodoo's pretty serious.

Well, i'm pretty serious.

It's about time i had
some supernatural powers.

What the hell was that?

I think you hit something.

No. It's my shocks or
something are out of whack.

I don't know. Daniel was working on my car.

I don't know. I think it
could've been a squirrel.

We should turn around.

Lindsay, we don't have time.

The world will survive
with one less squirrel.

...One of my favorite
customers. He's a regular.

Honey, the soup was cold.

I mean, i'd be mad, too.

No, that is not my fault.

I do not cook it. i serve it.

Hey, bill
- greatest movie of all time?

Uh-uh...rocky ii.

It is.rocky ii.

Much better than the first one.

That carl weathers... he's ripped.

He's got the abs, buddy-
thlllt-the six-pack.

Doing something.

Well, sweetie, you just
saw a movie recently.

What was it?

A movie called... stripes.

I saw that.

Did you like it?

Come on. Bill murray's a wiseass.

Somebody oughta smack
some respect into that guy.

Bill murray's the
funniest man on the planet.

I, um...guess if you're a comedian,

You're supposed to be a wiseass, huh?

Gloria, you should've seen
bill in gym class today.

Buddy, i'm telling you, you apply yourself,

You'll be playing for the school
tyou got the height for it.

Sweetie, maybe ben could give you

Some private lessons or something.

Who's ben?

Eh-heh...he is.

Benfredricks.

Excuse me. I have to use the restroom.

We don't have a restroom.

We have a toilet.

Just calm down. They're
stolen hall passes...

It's fine. ha ha ha!

Hey, millie, what's wrong?

Goliath's dead.

Oh, god, millie.

Who's goliath?

Goliath's her dog.

What happened?

Some maniac ran over him
last night with their car.

God, millie...

Someone hit him with a car? That's horrible.

I'm so sorry.

He must've gotten out.

My dad found him on the street

Right between our houses.

The worst part is...

They didn't even stop.

Who would do that?

Well, i gotta go to class.

I have a test. see ya.

Yeah, see ya, millie.

Oh, my god.

Lindsay... we killed millie's dog.

Hey, guys...

I killed millie's dog.

Like, with your bare hands?

No. I ran it over.

Oh.

You're pretty sick.

I didn't do it on purpose, doofus.

Yeah, it was an accident.

I always say...

Girl plus car equals dead animal.

How true.

We have to tell millie.

Why?

It's not gonna bring her dog back, lindsay.

It'll just upset her more.

It's not like you killed a human being.

It's just a dog.

It's even worse, ken. i love dogs.

Why? Dogs suck.

They're stupid, and they
smell, and they're ugly.

They don't even like us people.

They pretend to, but they're
just kissing our asses

So we'll feed 'em.

I ain't buying into that hoodwink.

Oh, man.

Lindsay...look.

Oh, god. poor millie.

She's just...

Sitting there... by herself.

I am telling you, mashis not funny.

I heard radar o'reilly
has, like, no fingers.

That's why he always carries a clipboard.

Hey, hey, billy! you know what?

I'm still stuffed from your mom's pot roast.

I couldn't even eat breakfast this morning,

But i'll tell you, it wasgoo-ood!

I'll see you in gym class, big guy.

Whoa... wait a minute.

What the hell was that?

What-i-wh-what?

He ate your mom's pot roast?

I...really don't wanna talk about it.

Come on, bill. You have to talk about it.

You can't tell anyone, ok?

What? Tell us.

My mom is...kinda dating mr. Fredricks.

Don't say a word.

I didn't say anything.

Good. Don't.

Hey.

How's it going?

Ok.

You?

I don't know.

Perlick's gonna kill me.

I didn't do any of the assignment.

Me, either.

You kidding me?

I was up all night crying.

You know...

I know how you feel.

I had a dog that died once, too.

What was his name?

Bobo.

He was so smart.

He used to sit with me
and watch tv all day long.

He loved tv.

Goliath used to attack the
tv if there was a cat on it.

Ha ha ha!

So, what happened?

Well...he was epileptic...

So, all of a sudden, he would
start to froth at the mouth,

And then his little
legs would get all tense,

And he would start shaking
and then... Poop himself.

And get his paws in the poop
and get poop all over the place.

Aw...poor puppy.

My parents couldn't take it.

They didn't even tell me

That they were going to put him to sleep.

One day, i got home, and...he was gone.

I'm putting goliath to rest
under his favorite tree.

Do you wanna come?

Yeah.

Well...here comes bill's future dad.

Oh, come on, neal. We promised
bill that we wouldn't say anything.

We can make jokes to each other,

Just not to bill.

Besides, i can kinda see why
mr. Fredricks is dating her.

She is kinda hot.

Fred Weirdo.

All right everybody.

Ave some potential basketball
superstars in this class,

So today, we're gonna work
on fundamentals, all right?

Who knows? maybe one of you

Might even make the school team next year.

But, uh, let's warm up, all right?

10 laps around the gym. Come on.

Mr. Fredricks?

Yes, bill?

I can't run.

Why?

I have better things to do.

Excuse me?

I have better things to
do than run around a gym

And shoot a stupid ball in a hoop.

Oh, really, bill?

What better things do you have to do?

Anything.

Pick my nose and eat it...

Or read the comics or go to the bathroom.

Uh, all those are better than gym class.

Heh! He is so dead.

Kill him, mr. Fredricks.

Shut up, alan.

For once in your life, shut
your big, stinkin' trap, ok?

He was the one
- i'm talking to you.

Shut your mouth.

I've had it th the constant
comments and the incessant cackling.

You got me?

Ok.

Bill, you're gonna run the laps...

And you're gonna do the
drills. You know why?

'Cause this is my gym.

I'm the teacher. you're the student.

Ok? Sit down-

You can't tell me what to do.

You keep walking, you're in
big trouble, mr. Haverchuck!

What are you gonna do, call my mom?

Hey, bill!

Leave me alone.

I never thought I'd say this,

But Haverchuck's the King! Heh heh heh.

You were always there for me,
my entire life,

But i know you're with jesus now,

And you're happy in heaven
with all the other dogs,

And you can run and play,

And you never have to be on a leash again...

'Cause there are no leashes in heaven.

You're my favorite puppy.
i love you, goliath.

Lindsay, you wanna say something?

Huh?

Do you wanna say something to goliath?

Um...no. That's ok.

Lindsay...

Say something to goliath.

Um...

Goliath...

You were a sweet dog, and...

You had really nice fur...

And...there's no leashes in heaven...

I already said that.

Oh. Um...i remember when my mom
used to come over in her furry boots

And you would hump her foot...

Ha!

And we thought that was funny...

And then you got spayed,
and you didn't do it anymore.

And we're not sad now because...

You lived a very long... long, happy life.

That's right.

A long and happy life.

Only love can make it rain

The way the beach is kissed by the sea

Only love can make it rain

Like the sweat of lovers
laying in the fields

Love

Reign o'er me

Love

Reign o'er me

Reign o'er me...

...Sells t-shirts and, like, concert stuff.

Hey, linds, your old man

Make up his mind yet about the concert?

Huh? Nah, but count me in.

He's just making me sweat it.

After school, kim and i are
going to the record store.

You wanna come?

Uh...

What?

I'm gonna buy some who albums

So i can sing along to the concert.

You're going to the who concert?

Millie, what about your parents?

Ever since my dog died, they've
been letting me do anything.

Well, i'm gonna go home
and study for my trig test.

Right, millie? Don't you
think you should study?

Oh, yeah. that's right.

I forgot about that.

Well, you know... blow it off.

You're in mourning. You can't
be expected to do homework.

Good point.

I guess i'm gonna blow it off.

Oh, my god. i am so bad.

All right, i'll meet you
out front right after school,

And we'll go to the mall.

And you're gonna wear your big coat, right?

The one with the pockets?

Ok. See you, linds.

She loves my big coat.

She's been talking about it all day.

Millie, please don't wear your big coat.

You know, lindsay, when you
started hanging out with them,

I felt kinda bad for you

Because i thought you were
gonna turn into a dirtbag.

But then i realized that
you were just exploring,

And now i guess i'm kind of exploring, too.

It's kinda catchy.

Yeah. I like the banjo.

Mama's got a squeeze box
she wears on her chest

And when daddy comes home, he never
gets no rest what'd he say? Squeeze box?

'Cause she's playing
all night is it just me,

Or does that sound filthy? Honey.

And the music's all right i
think it's about an accordion.

Mama's got a squeeze box,
daddy never sleeps at night

What?

It's nice.

She goes in and out and in and out

And in and out and in and out "in and out"?

The instrument.

She's playing all night jean,
that is not about an accordion.

And the music's all right...
that is...in and out!

Yeah-in and out.

In and out?! In andoff is what it's going!

...Daddy never sleeps at night

Hey, kim.

Oh, hey.

Hey, will you do me a favor?

Will you give this to ken?

You're copying ken'shomework?

Attempting to.

He writes like a mental patient.

I was thinking,

We should tell millie the truth.

We can't do that.

We have to.

Why?

Because she's gonna wind
up getting into trouble.

Why? 'Cause she's hanging out with us?

What's the difference?

You're only hanging out with
her 'cause you feel guilty.

No, i'm not.

She's kinda funny.

Yeah, but you don't know millie.

She's really smart,

And she really loves church,

And she loves her family a lot-

And what, we're scum?

No. That's not what i'm saying.

Well, what are you saying, lindsay?

I just don't think we should
interfere with her life.

What are you so worried
about anyway, you know?

That millie's gonna
start hanging out with us

And then you're not gonna
have anyone to run to

When you get scared of your bad friends?

And yo kim.

U know what, if you do tell her,

I'll kick your ass.

I don't know what else i could do.

I mean, if he hates me, he hates me.

He's just having a really
hard time with this.

Well, so am i.

Honey, you just need to
spend more time with him.

You need to get to know each
other a little bit better.

Look, he doesn't want to know me.

He doesn't care.

Oh, come on.

Don't be such a baby.

Come here.

What?

You should take him someplace special.

You know, show him that you like him.

What, like the movies?

I'm not seeing thatstripescrap again.

He's been bugging me to take him

To this go-cart city place,

But i keep saying no.

Maybe you could take him there.

Really? I love go-cart city.

You do?

I do.

Yeah, i'll take him there.

Really?

Yeah.

He's a he's fat.

Gym teacher, and he's
not even in good shape.

And he never runs,

You never see him play the games with us.

You shoukd tell your mom to dump him

Even if he wasn't the
biggest jerk in the world,

He has a terrible job.

He's a gym teacher.

There's no upward mobility.

It's not like you can become...

C.e.o. of a school.

Yeah. My mom really likes him, you know?

And he acts different around
her than he does around us.

He's all sweet and phony.

It's sick.

Maybe-maybe he's not such a bad guy.

Excuse me?

He let you be captain in gym class.

You're right.

I'll just start calling him "daddy" now.

Thanks for reminding me.

Come in.

Hey, guys.

Hey, mr. Fredricks. hello.

Hi, fredricks.

Uh, listen, bill, i was just wondering,

Yo maybe tomorrow,

U might want to go to go-cart city with me.

Um...

We'd love to go.

"We"? Uh...

Ok. all right.

We can all go. you wanna go, sam?

Sure.

All right. Ok, bill?

I guess.

Yeah, i guess so.

All right.

The 4 men

Are gonna have some fun.

Thanks a lot, neal.

What?

No one else is gonna take us there.

It's all the way out in the boonies.

So, you know i didn't wanna go with him.

We'll just ditch him and
ride go-carts all day.

No way. Absolutely not.

Lindsay, that song is pornographic.

Dad, come on. don't be a prude.

If i was such a prude, you wouldn't exist.

Fine. Then i'm gonna be the
only kid in the whole school

Who can't go to a rock concert.

All right, all right.

Maybe we could chaperone you.

You know, sit behind you, be real quiet.

It could be fun.

I don't wanna do that.

Dad, look, i understand your concerns.

I have them myself, but i...

I wouldn't be fighting you.

It's just that millie is going.

Millie is?

Yeah. Her parents said she could go,

And i just sort of wanted to go

To keep an eye on her.

Oh, honey, you really are such a good rl,

Aren't you?

Yeah. I can handle myself.

Honey, millie is going.

All right, fine. Go.

You just keep those boys
away from your accordion.

So, forget bill russell.

Great. Give him the trophies, whatever.

Yeah, he won the championships.

I tell you,

They changed the game for one man-

Wilt chamberlain, wilt the stilt.

Who's your favorite basketball player?

Come on. favorite player.

Neal.

I don't know. I don't watch basketball.

No? Sam.

Um...

Havlicek?

Dr. J?

From the a.b.a.?

Got you guys something.

Here you go, bill.

Cool. all right.

Thanks. Just what i always wanted.

Doody.

Isn't it crazy?

I got it from the joke shop.

I heard you guys were into comedy,

So i picked you up a couple of things.

Here you go, neal.

All right! Vomit.

It kinda looks like pizza.

I don't have this one.

Oh!

Hey. Hey, neal, i got you a present.

Isn't that great?

Hey bill, you want a dollar ?

Do you want a dollar?

No, thanks.

I said, lady l, let your soul be free

You closed your eyes, and you wouldn't see

The only one who could ease your pain was me

As i ride on my horse
through the countryside

I said, lady l, let me give you a ride

But as i pulled the reins of that horse

She pulled the reins of her soul

I'm outta control, lady l

Lady l

You couldn't see through my cloud of smoke

You held my heart

Now it's bloody and broke

And is your green army jacket

The only thing keepin' you warm tonight?

Lady l

She's my lady l

Lady l

La-la-la-la
la-la-la-la

That's the sound of l

You're my lady l

Yeah

What'd you think?

Well, you
know, i-i-i...

I thought i would hate it,

But, you know, i kinda liked it.

Really?

No.

Man, that was terrible.

"Lady l"?

Seher real name.

You shouldn't use yourreal name,

You're writing that stuff.

Well, i think as long as that
i am using my real emotions,

That that's all that matters.

Lots of wackos use their real emotions.

Whoo-hoo!

Go-cart city, boys!

Huh? Who's the man?

You are! you are!

This is so great!

Aoww! Go-cart city! huh? All right?

Hey, thanks so much, mr. Fredricks.

This is so cool.

Yeah. Thanks, mr. Fredricks.

My dad would never take me here.

You're welcome.

Hey, get ready to race,

'Cause i'm not goin' easy on you guys.

Well, you're gonna be the loser.

Tr you think so?

Iple ice cream cone says i kick your butts.

Oh! You're on!

All right. You in, bill?

Yeah.

Let's race.

Whoo-hoo!

I'm goin' home

And when i wanna go home

I'm goin' mobile

Oh, yeah!

Whoo!

Goin' mobile

Keep me movin'

No! No! No way!

I don't care about pollution

I'm an air-conditioned gypsy

I got you!

That's my solution

Watch the police and the tax man miss me

I'm mobile

Whooo, yeah!

Mobile, mobile, mobile, yeah

Here I come !

Bill, that was incredible!

Bill, that was so cool!

You should've seen yourself spin out.

The ice cream is mine.

What is it, bill?

I hate you!

You what?

You always have to win.

All you care about is winning.

You don't care at all about
other people's feelings.

I'm sorry, bill. i...

I am not the actor

This can't be the scene

Hey, guys.

Have you seen millie?

No.

Ok.

How do you like the magic bus?

Wow. It's amazing. Yeah.

Hey, come back. I got a
who-dog with your name on it.

Ok.

Hey.

Have you seen millie?

Yeah, she's right there,

Playing frisbee with stroker.

You know, she's pretty hot.

I like it when the good girls cross over.

Shut up.

Keep away from her.

God. Who are you, her mom?

Hey, millie.

Millie?!

Millie!

Skinny's in trouble.

Millie. Honey, i thought we agreed

That you were not going
to go to this concert.

I didn't. you did.

Well, you're not going.

Yes, i am.

Don't talk back to me.

Mom, this is important to me.

I'm a straight "a" student.
i never do anything wrong.

Honey, you're just a kid.

Mom, i'm 15.

You don't know the kind of
things that could happen.

I can't believe you can't trust me.

It's not like i'm gonna drop acid

Or have sex in the parking lot.

Millie!

You...

You get in this car.

I am taking you home right now.

No.

Just lve me alone.

Fine.

You go right ahead and
do what you want to do.

Obviously, you don't care what i think.

What a mouth on that chick !

That's it! you tell mama!

Tell her how it is!

I'm sorry, bill.

I didn't mean to crash into you.

It's a wet track today. I don't know.

We just don't know each other, do we?

I mean, i thought we knew
each other in class this year,

But we don't know each other at all.

But i know what you think of me.

You think i'm a stupid
jock gym teacher, right?

Bing! You-you're probably right.

But i don't know what to-

I mean, you know what i am?

I'm a guy who loves your mother very much.

She's a special woman. i love her.

You know, she's had a hard
time the past few years.

What do you know about it?

Ly what she tells me.

But i think she deserves to be happy,

And, you know, i can make her happy.

I've never cared about anybody

As much as i care about your mom.

I might not be as bad
a guy as you think i am.

Hey. hey.

I'm really glad that you could come.

Huh? Oh.

Yeah, me, too.

I love the who.

Pete townshend's

Really been inspiring me as a songwriter.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

Actually, i wrote a song for you...

If you want to hear it.

Nuh-uh.

Yeah.

Check it out!

Whoo! Uh...

Uh, hey, look at me!

I'm pete townshend!

All right, townshend! whoo!

Yeah!

Tonight's gonna rock !

Smash me a piece of that!

That-he-he's a
crack-up, right?

Yeaaaaah!

This is the biggest
favor i ever did for you.

You're buying me a new guitar, man.

Hey.

You ok?

I've never seen her like that.

I feel kinda sick.

Hey, who wants a beer? anybody?

I'll have one of those.

Go ahead. snag it.

Here you go. opener.

Millie, you don't drink.

Now's a good time to start.

Bottoms up.

I killed your dog!

What?!

Um...

I was the one that ran him over.

I'm so sorry, millie.

That's not very funny.

I'm not kidding, millie.

It's true.

Why didn't you say something?

Why didn't you tell me?

I don't know.

Well, we didn't know how to.

Lindsay?

I'm really sorry, millie.

She's really mad.

Good.

I'm gonna go talk to her.

Hey, kim.

Thanks.

You know I'm glad
we didn't go to that concert.

I hear they're so noisy, anyway.

Yeah. I hear that the
bathrooms smell really bad

And that it's not safe to sit.

Could you imagine holding it for 4 hours?

Oh!

Look. I found this in
my drawer the other day.

I thought maybe you might want it.

Wow.

I remember that.

That's the day goliath

Stole all the steaks off
the barbecue and ate them.

Oh, yeah.

Your dad was so mad.

Yeah.

He was a good dog, lindsay.

Yeah, he was a good dog.

Looks inside,
tried to push the ball

In the corner to warnsey.
there's nothing there...

Oh, i'm
- i'm sorry, bill.

Did you want to watch something?

Dallas is on.

Bobby ewing: yes, i'm right in the middle.

Pam ewing:well, bobby-

Wait a minute. is it true?

You can do something about it.

What?

Honey, it's like j.r. said.

I either vote for mama or daddy,

And either way i lose.

Well, can't you just not vote?

Yes, i can abstain,

Or i can ask to be
excused from the committee;

But i'm not gonna do it.

That's pamela

and Bobby J.R.'s brother.

Oh, yeah?

J.R.'s evil,

So bobby has to protect pamela.

What, so-so bobby'a good guy?

Yeah.

Yeah, but right now he's
caught in a ewing land battle.

What kind of lanbattle? with bobby, or-

Wait-

I'm sorry.

It's ok. I'll tell you
during the commercial.