Freakazoid! (1995–1997): Season 2, Episode 2 - The Freakazoid - full transcript
FIZIZI:
I believe in superheroes.
I believe they are kind,
righteous people who keep their word.
I admire and I respect them.
All except that Hulk fella.
Him I no like. He's got a bad smell.
A few weeks ago, my daughter,
she start dating a boy.
Not a Shriner.
When he come to the house
for the first time...
...I take him to the garage
to show him my little putt putt.
That's what I call my little Shriner car,
my little putt putt.
When--
When we get to the garage, this boy,
his name is Snorts or something...
...he takes one look at my little car,
and he starts laughing and saying:
"What a stupid little car.
Hey, mister, why you have such a stupid,
little, dumb, little stupid car?"
This boy, he make fun of my little putt putt
in front of my daughter!
In front of my daughter!
I felt the fool!
[CRYING]
Cut it out.
Look, Mr. Fizizi, I'm sorry this guy
made fun of your little car...
-...but what can I do?
- I want justice.
I want revenge.
I want you to stuff an egg
down his shorts!
Please, Freakazoid.
Do what I ask you to do.
All right.
One egg.
[SPEAKING IN ITALIAN]
[MEOWING AND SPLUTTERING]
- Is that it?
- Nope.
You still got 20 people to see.
Aw. We've been at this all day.
I hate this.
I know, kid, but it's tradition.
No superhero can refuse
any request on their birthday.
Cosgrove, are you positive
that's a superhero tradition?
What, do you think I'm fibbing?
I'm a fibby boy?
I heard it somewhere.
Talk to the other superheroes
if you don't believe me.
I can't. They're all away
at some conference.
I'm wearing blue socks.
If you put baking soda and vinegar together,
they make a little volcano.
Okay, kid, back to work.
I'm sending the next one in.
Okay, folks, who's next?
[PLAYING "HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU"]
[IN SING-SONG VOICE]
Bum, bum, bum.
-[IN NORMAL VOICE] Is everything ready?
- Yeah, boss.
Excellent. This shouldn't take long.
Unless they're doing the Hokey Pokey,
then I might be a while.
[SINGING] You put your head in
You put your head out
You put your head in
And you shake it all about
You do the Hokey Pokey
And you turn yourself around
HUNTSMAN:
I decided to go to a new town.
I heard it had a lot of crime.
But when I got there, it had all dried up.
Nothing. Not even so much
as a cruddy little jaywalker.
Oh, Freakazoid, I don't know what to do.
You can act like a superhero!
Ow.
[IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE]
"Freakazoid, Freakazoid. Help me. Help me."
[IN NORMAL VOICE] Come on, buddy, you're
better than this. You're The Huntsman.
Say it. "I'm The Huntsman."
Huntsman.
Now, I'll try to find you a town
with some crime.
- You just gotta keep it together, okay?
- Okay.
Hey, how come you're not
at that superhero conference?
I lost the address.
All I know is it's on some moon.
I don't know which one.
Darn the luck. Darn.
What a whiny boy.
Now are we done?
- We're done.
LOBE: Not quite.
Happy birthday, Freakazoid.
Well, go ahead. Take it.
Or don't you trust me?
- No.
- Take it anyway.
Well, open it.
[CLEARING THROAT]
A food dehydrator?
Trust me, they're heavenly.
Perfect for making beef jerky.
Oh, boy. Mine.
All right, Lobe. What's this all about?
I just wanted to come by
and add my request to all the others.
Yeah, right. You can't request anything,
you're a villain. Can he, Cosgrove?
Yeah, whatever.
Where's meat for the jerky?
You have to buy some.
Aw, shoot.
I think you'll find it doesn't matter
whether I'm a villain or not.
You have to honor my request
the same as the others.
It's in the superhero code book.
I've never heard of this.
Now, here's my request:
Nothing.
In other words, Freakazoid,
leave me alone.
- What kind of request is that?
- Goodbye, Freakazoid. Cosgrove.
Hey, the next time you give someone
a food dehydrator...
...make sure it's got some meat.
[CLEARING THROAT]
[SINGING]
You put your whole self in
You put your whole--
ll love your Christmas album.
Your attention, please.
If we had meat,
this is where it would go.
[LEAHY SCREAMS]
The Lobe! He's stealing everything!
Joe? Joe, you're our announcer,
what are you doing here?
They said, you know, um,
that I could act in this episode.
Well, then do it, mister.
When you deliver a line,
you've gotta mean it, believe it, be it.
Now, go on, do it again.
Go on.
Sorry about this.
And action.
The Lobe! He's stealing everything!
[IMITATES WHOOSHING]
Hold it right there, Lobe.
Give me the bag.
I don't have to.
Or did you happen to forget
my little request?
Leave me alone. Remember?
- Yeah. but that doesn't--
- Oh. but it does.
And superheroes always keep their word.
It's in the code book.
Goodbye, Freakazoid.
Let it be written
that on this bright and glorious day...
...The Lobe began
his treacherous reign of terror...
...and blossomed into
the consummate villain.
So it shall be written, so it shall be done.
[LAUGHING]
Oh, no. What are we going to do?
You're gonna get some acting lessons,
mister.
And I'm--
I'm in big trouble.
[IN SING-SONG VOICES]
Bum, bum, bum.
MAN [SINGING]: You're a meanie
Nasty Lobe
You're as bad as villains get
Your head is really mushy
'Cause you haven't got a skull
Nasty Lobe
Why, I wouldn't sit next to you
on an airplane
If there was a seat next to you
on an airplane
Such a bad guy
Nasty Lobe
You're as cruel as cruel can be
You're vicious
You're malicious
NARRATOR: We interrupt this program
for the following important announcement.
Hi, I'm Joe the Announcer,
and I just want to let you know...
...that I've been taking acting classes
since the first part of the show...
...and I think I've improved.
I just wanted to let you know that. Thanks.
NARRATOR:
And now, back to our song.
MAN [SINGING]:You're despicable and more
Nasty Lobe
If you invited me
to go to the movies with you
[probably wouldn't go
[LAUGHING]
[MAN SCREAMING]
Top of the morning to you, Freakazoid.
[LAUGHING]
Hey. What are you doing?
I'm fulfilling your request,
I'm mowing your lawn.
While The Lobe's attacking everybody?
Go get him already.
- What are you, wacko?
- No, I'm Wakko.
[SINGING] Baton Rouge, Louisiana
Indianapolis, Indiana
And Columbus is the capital of Ohi--
Hey. Wakko, what are you doing? We're
kind of in the middle of something here.
Oh, it's okay.
Steven loves it
when we do stuff like this.
After all, Animaniacs is his favorite.
Uh, sorry to break this to you, Wakko,
but if I'm not mistaken...
...Freakazoid is Steven's favorite show.
We got a memo.
BRAIN:
Ahem. I believe you're both mistaken.
It is the sophisticated wit and charm
of Pinky and the Brain...
...that has captured Steven's heart...
...as well as making it the breakaway hit
of the WE schedule.
Well, why don't we just go find out.
FREAKAZOID: Brain, I'm sick and tired--
BRAIN: I don't see your show...
...on prime time.
FREAKAZOID: Steven likes our show.
We're gonna find out right now.
- What are you talking about--?
- Quiet! Now, what's this about?
First of all, Steven, thank you very much
for taking the time to meet with us.
We realize you're very busy and--
Oh, just ask him.
We were just wondering,
who's your favorite?
Who are you people?
FREAKAZOID: Where were we?
- Um...
Oh, uh...
[MUTTERING]
Oh, yeah. What's the matter with you?
Go get The Lobe.
I-- I can't.
Much as it pains me,
I have to honor The Lobe's request...
...the same as everyone else's.
- Why, for Pete's sake?
- Because it's in the code book, okay?
Because superheroes always
keep their word no matter what, okay?
Shame on you
for being so snippy and rude.
- Get out of here.
- Hey, I'm sorry.
Go. Boo on you. Boo on you.
I don't get your jokes either.
[YELLING]
[PEOPLE BOOING]
[CRYING]
[GASPS THEN GROANS]
MAN [SINGING]:
Freakazoid, you wander
A teen without a home
Everywhere, they hate you
You've been cast out
You're alone
Your deeds have been forgotten
The world's a cold, cruel place
It's tough to go on living
When you cannot
Show your face
We'll be right back
Superhero code book.
Some superhero I am. What a laugh.
[LAUGHING]
[LAUGHING]
I'm nothing but a failure.
I knew it.
[GRUNTING]
I'm sorry, sir, but you cannot go in there--
[SCREAMING]
Hello, Lobe.
Freakazoid, good to see you.
How's that food dehydrator?
- I wanna talk to you, alone.
- It's all right.
Whatever you have to say, you can say in
front of my tailor. I trust him with my life.
It's about the code book.
Get out! Well, what about it?
There isn't any such thing
as a superhero code book.
Is there? You made it all up!
You made up all those rules!
You fibbed! You're a fibby boy!
Oh, Freakazoid.
Really, you're completely delusional.
Whatever gave you a silly,
ridiculous idea like that?
This! Copyright: Lobe Industries.
I knew I shouldn't have put that on there.
Dumb! Dumb! Dumb!
And that tradition about superheroes
granting requests on their birthdays.
- You started that whole rumor, didn't you?
- No. Now, that wasn't me.
It's true. Really. I swear.
You're a terrible liar, Lobe.
Look me in the eyes
and tell me you didn't.
I didn't. I really, really didn't.
And that superhero conference
on some moon.
That was your idea to get them away
so I couldn't ask them.
So I couldn't find out the truth.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Ooh! I am so angry with you!
LEAHY:
Ahem. Uh, knock, knock.
Hi, Freakazoid. Lobe.
- Is this a bad time?
- Kind of.
Oh, well, it's just that I've
taken some acting lessons...
...and I wanted to do a scene for you
to show you how much I've improved.
Now's not a good time, Joe.
Oh, for heaven's sake, Freakazoid,
let the man act.
Okay, Joe. Real quick.
It's from Romeo and Juliet.
Act 5, Scene 3.
And I'm Romeo.
Oh, I love this scene.
He thinks Juliet's dead.
He's so overcome with sorrow
that he himself plans to join her in death.
Oh, I'm going to cry.
Oy.
Come, bitter conduct.
Come, unsavory guide.
Thou desperate pilot
now at once run on...
LEAHY& LOBE [IN UNISON]:
...the dashing rocks thy seasick weary bark.
Here's to my love.
O true apothecary, thy drugs are quick.
Thus with a kiss I die.
[CRYING]
- Wow. Joe, that was great.
- Really? Want me to do it again?
No, but it was really good.
Don't you think so, Lo--?
Thanks a lot, Joe.
Aw, nut bunnies.
[IMITATES WHOOSHING]
Ha.
[GROANS]
[LAUGHING]
[GRUNTING]
Hey, Freakazoid.
The other writers and I
think it might be more fun...
...if you could use the Freakmobile
in this chase.
What do you say?
It would really help the show,
if you know what I mean.
Okay.
Heh.
Ha.
[GRUNTING]
[YELLING]
So long, Lobe.
How's that?
WRITERS [IN UNISON]:
That a boy.
Oh, phooey.
[CHEERING]
We knew you could do it, Freakazoid.
- Thanks.
- You're welcome.
And now, what more can I say than,
who wants jerky?
Cut it out.
[ENGLISH SDH]
I believe in superheroes.
I believe they are kind,
righteous people who keep their word.
I admire and I respect them.
All except that Hulk fella.
Him I no like. He's got a bad smell.
A few weeks ago, my daughter,
she start dating a boy.
Not a Shriner.
When he come to the house
for the first time...
...I take him to the garage
to show him my little putt putt.
That's what I call my little Shriner car,
my little putt putt.
When--
When we get to the garage, this boy,
his name is Snorts or something...
...he takes one look at my little car,
and he starts laughing and saying:
"What a stupid little car.
Hey, mister, why you have such a stupid,
little, dumb, little stupid car?"
This boy, he make fun of my little putt putt
in front of my daughter!
In front of my daughter!
I felt the fool!
[CRYING]
Cut it out.
Look, Mr. Fizizi, I'm sorry this guy
made fun of your little car...
-...but what can I do?
- I want justice.
I want revenge.
I want you to stuff an egg
down his shorts!
Please, Freakazoid.
Do what I ask you to do.
All right.
One egg.
[SPEAKING IN ITALIAN]
[MEOWING AND SPLUTTERING]
- Is that it?
- Nope.
You still got 20 people to see.
Aw. We've been at this all day.
I hate this.
I know, kid, but it's tradition.
No superhero can refuse
any request on their birthday.
Cosgrove, are you positive
that's a superhero tradition?
What, do you think I'm fibbing?
I'm a fibby boy?
I heard it somewhere.
Talk to the other superheroes
if you don't believe me.
I can't. They're all away
at some conference.
I'm wearing blue socks.
If you put baking soda and vinegar together,
they make a little volcano.
Okay, kid, back to work.
I'm sending the next one in.
Okay, folks, who's next?
[PLAYING "HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU"]
[IN SING-SONG VOICE]
Bum, bum, bum.
-[IN NORMAL VOICE] Is everything ready?
- Yeah, boss.
Excellent. This shouldn't take long.
Unless they're doing the Hokey Pokey,
then I might be a while.
[SINGING] You put your head in
You put your head out
You put your head in
And you shake it all about
You do the Hokey Pokey
And you turn yourself around
HUNTSMAN:
I decided to go to a new town.
I heard it had a lot of crime.
But when I got there, it had all dried up.
Nothing. Not even so much
as a cruddy little jaywalker.
Oh, Freakazoid, I don't know what to do.
You can act like a superhero!
Ow.
[IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE]
"Freakazoid, Freakazoid. Help me. Help me."
[IN NORMAL VOICE] Come on, buddy, you're
better than this. You're The Huntsman.
Say it. "I'm The Huntsman."
Huntsman.
Now, I'll try to find you a town
with some crime.
- You just gotta keep it together, okay?
- Okay.
Hey, how come you're not
at that superhero conference?
I lost the address.
All I know is it's on some moon.
I don't know which one.
Darn the luck. Darn.
What a whiny boy.
Now are we done?
- We're done.
LOBE: Not quite.
Happy birthday, Freakazoid.
Well, go ahead. Take it.
Or don't you trust me?
- No.
- Take it anyway.
Well, open it.
[CLEARING THROAT]
A food dehydrator?
Trust me, they're heavenly.
Perfect for making beef jerky.
Oh, boy. Mine.
All right, Lobe. What's this all about?
I just wanted to come by
and add my request to all the others.
Yeah, right. You can't request anything,
you're a villain. Can he, Cosgrove?
Yeah, whatever.
Where's meat for the jerky?
You have to buy some.
Aw, shoot.
I think you'll find it doesn't matter
whether I'm a villain or not.
You have to honor my request
the same as the others.
It's in the superhero code book.
I've never heard of this.
Now, here's my request:
Nothing.
In other words, Freakazoid,
leave me alone.
- What kind of request is that?
- Goodbye, Freakazoid. Cosgrove.
Hey, the next time you give someone
a food dehydrator...
...make sure it's got some meat.
[CLEARING THROAT]
[SINGING]
You put your whole self in
You put your whole--
ll love your Christmas album.
Your attention, please.
If we had meat,
this is where it would go.
[LEAHY SCREAMS]
The Lobe! He's stealing everything!
Joe? Joe, you're our announcer,
what are you doing here?
They said, you know, um,
that I could act in this episode.
Well, then do it, mister.
When you deliver a line,
you've gotta mean it, believe it, be it.
Now, go on, do it again.
Go on.
Sorry about this.
And action.
The Lobe! He's stealing everything!
[IMITATES WHOOSHING]
Hold it right there, Lobe.
Give me the bag.
I don't have to.
Or did you happen to forget
my little request?
Leave me alone. Remember?
- Yeah. but that doesn't--
- Oh. but it does.
And superheroes always keep their word.
It's in the code book.
Goodbye, Freakazoid.
Let it be written
that on this bright and glorious day...
...The Lobe began
his treacherous reign of terror...
...and blossomed into
the consummate villain.
So it shall be written, so it shall be done.
[LAUGHING]
Oh, no. What are we going to do?
You're gonna get some acting lessons,
mister.
And I'm--
I'm in big trouble.
[IN SING-SONG VOICES]
Bum, bum, bum.
MAN [SINGING]: You're a meanie
Nasty Lobe
You're as bad as villains get
Your head is really mushy
'Cause you haven't got a skull
Nasty Lobe
Why, I wouldn't sit next to you
on an airplane
If there was a seat next to you
on an airplane
Such a bad guy
Nasty Lobe
You're as cruel as cruel can be
You're vicious
You're malicious
NARRATOR: We interrupt this program
for the following important announcement.
Hi, I'm Joe the Announcer,
and I just want to let you know...
...that I've been taking acting classes
since the first part of the show...
...and I think I've improved.
I just wanted to let you know that. Thanks.
NARRATOR:
And now, back to our song.
MAN [SINGING]:You're despicable and more
Nasty Lobe
If you invited me
to go to the movies with you
[probably wouldn't go
[LAUGHING]
[MAN SCREAMING]
Top of the morning to you, Freakazoid.
[LAUGHING]
Hey. What are you doing?
I'm fulfilling your request,
I'm mowing your lawn.
While The Lobe's attacking everybody?
Go get him already.
- What are you, wacko?
- No, I'm Wakko.
[SINGING] Baton Rouge, Louisiana
Indianapolis, Indiana
And Columbus is the capital of Ohi--
Hey. Wakko, what are you doing? We're
kind of in the middle of something here.
Oh, it's okay.
Steven loves it
when we do stuff like this.
After all, Animaniacs is his favorite.
Uh, sorry to break this to you, Wakko,
but if I'm not mistaken...
...Freakazoid is Steven's favorite show.
We got a memo.
BRAIN:
Ahem. I believe you're both mistaken.
It is the sophisticated wit and charm
of Pinky and the Brain...
...that has captured Steven's heart...
...as well as making it the breakaway hit
of the WE schedule.
Well, why don't we just go find out.
FREAKAZOID: Brain, I'm sick and tired--
BRAIN: I don't see your show...
...on prime time.
FREAKAZOID: Steven likes our show.
We're gonna find out right now.
- What are you talking about--?
- Quiet! Now, what's this about?
First of all, Steven, thank you very much
for taking the time to meet with us.
We realize you're very busy and--
Oh, just ask him.
We were just wondering,
who's your favorite?
Who are you people?
FREAKAZOID: Where were we?
- Um...
Oh, uh...
[MUTTERING]
Oh, yeah. What's the matter with you?
Go get The Lobe.
I-- I can't.
Much as it pains me,
I have to honor The Lobe's request...
...the same as everyone else's.
- Why, for Pete's sake?
- Because it's in the code book, okay?
Because superheroes always
keep their word no matter what, okay?
Shame on you
for being so snippy and rude.
- Get out of here.
- Hey, I'm sorry.
Go. Boo on you. Boo on you.
I don't get your jokes either.
[YELLING]
[PEOPLE BOOING]
[CRYING]
[GASPS THEN GROANS]
MAN [SINGING]:
Freakazoid, you wander
A teen without a home
Everywhere, they hate you
You've been cast out
You're alone
Your deeds have been forgotten
The world's a cold, cruel place
It's tough to go on living
When you cannot
Show your face
We'll be right back
Superhero code book.
Some superhero I am. What a laugh.
[LAUGHING]
[LAUGHING]
I'm nothing but a failure.
I knew it.
[GRUNTING]
I'm sorry, sir, but you cannot go in there--
[SCREAMING]
Hello, Lobe.
Freakazoid, good to see you.
How's that food dehydrator?
- I wanna talk to you, alone.
- It's all right.
Whatever you have to say, you can say in
front of my tailor. I trust him with my life.
It's about the code book.
Get out! Well, what about it?
There isn't any such thing
as a superhero code book.
Is there? You made it all up!
You made up all those rules!
You fibbed! You're a fibby boy!
Oh, Freakazoid.
Really, you're completely delusional.
Whatever gave you a silly,
ridiculous idea like that?
This! Copyright: Lobe Industries.
I knew I shouldn't have put that on there.
Dumb! Dumb! Dumb!
And that tradition about superheroes
granting requests on their birthdays.
- You started that whole rumor, didn't you?
- No. Now, that wasn't me.
It's true. Really. I swear.
You're a terrible liar, Lobe.
Look me in the eyes
and tell me you didn't.
I didn't. I really, really didn't.
And that superhero conference
on some moon.
That was your idea to get them away
so I couldn't ask them.
So I couldn't find out the truth.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Ooh! I am so angry with you!
LEAHY:
Ahem. Uh, knock, knock.
Hi, Freakazoid. Lobe.
- Is this a bad time?
- Kind of.
Oh, well, it's just that I've
taken some acting lessons...
...and I wanted to do a scene for you
to show you how much I've improved.
Now's not a good time, Joe.
Oh, for heaven's sake, Freakazoid,
let the man act.
Okay, Joe. Real quick.
It's from Romeo and Juliet.
Act 5, Scene 3.
And I'm Romeo.
Oh, I love this scene.
He thinks Juliet's dead.
He's so overcome with sorrow
that he himself plans to join her in death.
Oh, I'm going to cry.
Oy.
Come, bitter conduct.
Come, unsavory guide.
Thou desperate pilot
now at once run on...
LEAHY& LOBE [IN UNISON]:
...the dashing rocks thy seasick weary bark.
Here's to my love.
O true apothecary, thy drugs are quick.
Thus with a kiss I die.
[CRYING]
- Wow. Joe, that was great.
- Really? Want me to do it again?
No, but it was really good.
Don't you think so, Lo--?
Thanks a lot, Joe.
Aw, nut bunnies.
[IMITATES WHOOSHING]
Ha.
[GROANS]
[LAUGHING]
[GRUNTING]
Hey, Freakazoid.
The other writers and I
think it might be more fun...
...if you could use the Freakmobile
in this chase.
What do you say?
It would really help the show,
if you know what I mean.
Okay.
Heh.
Ha.
[GRUNTING]
[YELLING]
So long, Lobe.
How's that?
WRITERS [IN UNISON]:
That a boy.
Oh, phooey.
[CHEERING]
We knew you could do it, Freakazoid.
- Thanks.
- You're welcome.
And now, what more can I say than,
who wants jerky?
Cut it out.
[ENGLISH SDH]