Freakazoid! (1995–1997): Season 2, Episode 1 - Dexter's Date - full transcript
[GIGGLES]
Aw, Freak.
NARRATOR:
Our story begins like many others...
...here at Harry Connick Jr. High School...
...where Dexter Douglas is about to ask
the most important question of his life.
Would you like to, you know,
kind of go out with me? Like on a date?
Gee, Dex, have you ever been
on a date before?
No. But I've been practicing.
[CHUCKLING]
Oh, Stephanie...
...that is so funny.
Teeny weenie?
- Well, I guess I could go.
- Oh, great. When?
When?
[GULPS]
STEPHANIE: I can't believe you remembered.
- I put it in my computer. Ow. Ooh.
Great.
- Duncan, quit it.
- Oh. Am I ruining your little date?
- Dad.
- Duncan, mind your apples, huh?
DUNCAN:
Oh, I never get to have any fun.
[LAUGHING]
Jerry.
Don't touch that dial.
For the next 60 minutes, I'm in control.
[LOBE LAUGHING]
- Come on, Kramer, give me the doughnut.
- Never.
The key to the whole show is Newman.
We got it plugged in, boss,
just like you said.
LOBE:
Very good, Medulla.
Now, with just a flick of the switch,
my video sapper will steal every movie...
...every program,
every broadcast ever produced.
Not only will I be able to flood the market
with counterfeit cassettes...
...crippling the entertainment industry...
...but I'll never have
to program my VCR again.
[LAUGHING]
MEDULLA:
It's working.
[GRUNTING]
NARRATOR:
Meanwhile, back on Dexter's date:
Don't forget your allergy
to sheet cakes, hon.
- Yes, Mother.
- Have a good time, now.
- You're allergic to sheet cakes?
- Just the pan.
Have a good time, now.
Welcome to the Washington Gardens.
You have a reservation?
Douglas. Dexter Douglas.
Who put all this in Latin? Ah, yes,
your mommy made the reservation.
She says you're having
a big, fancy first date. Ha-ha-ha.
Have a good time, now.
And this must be the lucky lady,
princess girl.
[WHISPERING]
Don't worry, my dear.
Oh, we'll make this the most
romantic night of your life.
No, don't.
[IN NORMAL VOICE] Unfortunately, your
table won't be ready for a few minutes.
Why don't you two lovely pigeons
wait here in the lounge?
There. Oh, that's so nice.
[STATIC CRACKLING]
Hello? Hello?
! hope someone can hear me.
I'm operating the minicam with my tibia.
The Lobe has taken over the network.
I repeat, The Lobe has taken over--
[LOBE READING ON-SCREEN TEXT]
I, uh, gotta potty. I'll be right back.
MAN: I'm not finished.
- Oh. Sorry.
DEXTER:
Oh, Freak out.
Time to wash my hands.
[HUMMING]
All that's left
is to steal the last season of Bonanza.
The ones featuring David Canary
as Candy.
[COUGHING]
Hello? Lobe? Is this the right room?
Freakazoid, look what you've done.
Sorry. I'm in a hurry.
There's a door not 10 feet away.
A fine invention. You should try it.
Okay. I'm pulling the plug
on your little fiendish scheme.
But aren't we going to fight?
You know, have a struggle of some sort?
I don't have time. I gotta get back.
I'm on a date.
But that's not fair.
I went through all the trouble
of planning this amazing, brilliant crime.
- The least you could do is chase me around.
- Next time. We'll make a night of it.
- We'll have a really big fight.
- Oh, "next time." Pooh.
[GRUNTING]
[YELPING]
[GIBBERING]
Sky.
Sky. Sky. Lobe. Zapper. Hello, Lobe.
- Hey. Freakazoid.
- Oh., hi, Cosgrove.
The Lobe's inside,
all packed up and ready to go.
Once we're done here,
you wanna get a fat-free yogurt?
I can't. I gotta get back to my date.
Next time.
[GIBBERING]
How about you kids?
Wanna get a yogurt?
All right. Maybe later.
The Lobe, he's escaped.
What a thoroughly unsatisfying evening
this has turned out to be.
- Where to now, boss? Back to the hideout?
- The hideout?
Oh, that's all we ever do.
"Back to the hideout."
I'm sick of the hideout.
Why don't we do anything fun anymore?
You wanna go by the video store
and see if they got Guarding Tess?
No. You're not listening.
I want to go out.
I want to have some fun.
I want to sing. I want to dance.
BOTH: Dance?
- I know.
The Washington Gardens.
We haven't been there in ages.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
The Washington Gardens?
Oh, but, boss,
that joint is crawling with people.
- You're a wanted criminal.
- I don't care. Call Francois. Tell him...
Tell him Lobey's coming back.
Is the gentleman still going tinky?
Yeah. Could you check on him for me,
see if he's all right?
Of course.
MAN: Not yet.
- Ooh. Sorry.
FREAKAZOID:
Freak in.
DEXTER:
Uh-oh.
I think we have a problem here.
Zoids! I look like Oprah Winfrey.
Oh, Freak out.
Okay, let's not panic! Try it again.
Freak in.
Yes.
David Letterman?
Oh, Freak out.
Why can't I change back into Dexter?
Hmm...
Of course. The Lobe's video sapper
must've shorted one of my circuits.
Come on out of there, Dexter.
You're on a date.
Freak in.
Oh, it's me. I'm back.
Oh, am I glad to see you.
Aha! You have been in here practicing.
Come. The girl, she waits for you.
I found him.
- Who?
- Your date.
That's not my date.
Ha-ha-ha. Of course it--
- Skipper Alan Hale?
- What?
Oh, no.
Goodbye, little buddies.
Hmm. But I had him.
[YELLING]
Oh, Freak out.
Dexter, come out of there right now.
Hey, what are you doing?
The girl, she thinks you don't like her.
- Come.
- Whaa!
- Here he is.
- That's not him.
Of course it--
Your Honor.
- I am so sorry.
- Me too.
See you.
I think I am going crazy!
Attention, waiters.
I have the most wonderful of newses.
This very evening,
after an absence of many years...
...we will once again play host
to our favorite guest.
ALL:
You mean...?
[SPEAKS IN FRENCH]
The Lobe.
[CHEERING]
- He's here.
- All right. You all know what to do.
Go greet our guest.
[CHATTERING IN FRENCH]
Freak in.
Aw, Freak out.
Meanwhile, as poor Freakazoid strained,
grunted and groaned...
...in his feeble attempt to change back
into mild-mannered Dexter Douglas...
...The Lobe, that super-smart, sinister villain
with the pink, fleshy head...
...arrived at the Washington Gardens
and was about to do the unthinkable.
[DRUMROLL PLAYING]
[CROWD APPLAUDING]
[BIG BAND MUSIC PLAYING]
[SINGING]
Bonjour, Lobey
Oui, bonjour, Lobey
We're so pleased that you've come back
We have to scream
We see your veins, Lobey
And your brains, Lobey
Undulating, calculating
Formulating schemes
Let's throw a big party
For our big smarty
We're just pleased as punch
To see your big fat head
[LAUGHING]
Wow, wow, wow, waiters
Lobey wants a bowl! of chow, waiters
Don't forget a big old plate of bread
As a criminal, I shouldn't show my face
So years in seclusion I've spent
But now I realize
It's okay to show my face
If anyone squeals
I'll entomb them in cement
In thick cement
Bonjour, Lobey
Oh, bonjour, Lobey
Lobey's back
And feeling higher than a kite
Oh, give me food, waiters
Baked, fried, broiled or stewed, waiters
Lobey's got a hearty appetite
[IN LOUIS ARMSTRONG'S VOICE]
Oh, hey, bonjour, Lobey
- How you doing, Lobey?
- Just fine.
I'm so pleased that you've come back
I have to scream
Well, go ahead.
- I see your veins, Lobey
- They're all mine.
- And your brains, Lobey
- Aren't they something?
Undulating, calculating
Formulating schemes
- Let's throw a big party
- Be-ya-ba-do
- For this big smarty
- Be-za-ba-do
I'm just pleased as punch
To see your big fat head
See how big it is.
It's a big fat head.
Give him food, waiters
- Baked, fried, broiled or stewed, yeah
- Yeah
BOTH:
Don't forget a big old plate of bread
WAITERS:
Oh, hey, bonjour, Lobey
Oui, bonjour, Lobey
We're so pleased that you've come back
We have to scream
- We see your veins, Lobey
- Whee!
- And your brains, Lobey
- Whee!
Undulating, calculating
Formulating schemes
- Just smell the food baking
- Ismell it.
- And the salt shaking
- I see it.
Lobey's back
And feeling higher than a kite
Give me food, waiters
Baked, fried, broiled or stewed, waiters
Lobey's got a hearty app
Lobey's got a hearty app
Lobey's got a hearty appetite
Oh, that's so nice.
-"Roast duck, pressed duck, dead duck."
FREAKAZOID: Psst.
Freakazoid. Happen to catch
my little number?
Look, you gotta help me.
That video-sapper thingy of yours
shorted me out.
I keep popping into different people.
I can't change back into my alter ego.
It's ruining my date.
Ah, yes, that would be a consequence.
- It's easily rectified, however.
- It is? How?
Before I tell you,
you have to do something for me.
- What?
- We have some unfinished business...
...from earlier this evening.
- I want you to chase me.
- You gotta be kidding me.
All right, never mind. Enjoy your date.
All right, a little chase.
Then you help me.
- Splendid. Should I start, or do you want to?
- Uh, you go ahead.
- Ha! You'll never get me, Freakazoid.
- Yes, I will.
Whee!
[LAUGHING]
[YELLING]
[GASPS]
[LAUGHING]
That is one happy man.
LOBE:
Ahoy, matey.
[YELLS]
[GRUNTING]
[CHEERING]
[GRUNTING]
[PATRONS SHRIEKING]
Come on, Freakazoid.
Hi, Stetf. Bye, Steff.
LOBE:
Whee!
That is one happy man.
[YELLING]
- Is that enough?
- Plenty, thank you.
A tablespoon of salt
in a glass of water will cure you.
Thanks.
That is one happy man.
Wow. Bravo.
Au revoir, Lobey. See you in five to 10.
Oh, what an evening. What a night.
I feel lighter than air.
Good job, Freakazoid.
Now, how about that yogurt?
- Uh, no, thanks. I got a date.
- Can I go?
Okay. See you.
[GAGS]
Well, here goes. Freak in.
Is it...?
Yes, it is. My hands. My shoes.
My little outtie bellybutton.
Hello, little bellybutton.
- Dexter, where have you been?
- Uh...
My hand got stuck in the potty.
- I know this hasn't been a very good date.
- Are you kidding? It's been great.
Did you see The Lobe's musical number?
It was fantastic.
And then he and Freakazoid
did this whole routine.
I've never seen anything like it.
- Well, so you've had a good time?
- Well, yeah.
[GIGGLES]
Have a good time, now.
Have a good time, now.
[ENGLISH SDH]
Aw, Freak.
NARRATOR:
Our story begins like many others...
...here at Harry Connick Jr. High School...
...where Dexter Douglas is about to ask
the most important question of his life.
Would you like to, you know,
kind of go out with me? Like on a date?
Gee, Dex, have you ever been
on a date before?
No. But I've been practicing.
[CHUCKLING]
Oh, Stephanie...
...that is so funny.
Teeny weenie?
- Well, I guess I could go.
- Oh, great. When?
When?
[GULPS]
STEPHANIE: I can't believe you remembered.
- I put it in my computer. Ow. Ooh.
Great.
- Duncan, quit it.
- Oh. Am I ruining your little date?
- Dad.
- Duncan, mind your apples, huh?
DUNCAN:
Oh, I never get to have any fun.
[LAUGHING]
Jerry.
Don't touch that dial.
For the next 60 minutes, I'm in control.
[LOBE LAUGHING]
- Come on, Kramer, give me the doughnut.
- Never.
The key to the whole show is Newman.
We got it plugged in, boss,
just like you said.
LOBE:
Very good, Medulla.
Now, with just a flick of the switch,
my video sapper will steal every movie...
...every program,
every broadcast ever produced.
Not only will I be able to flood the market
with counterfeit cassettes...
...crippling the entertainment industry...
...but I'll never have
to program my VCR again.
[LAUGHING]
MEDULLA:
It's working.
[GRUNTING]
NARRATOR:
Meanwhile, back on Dexter's date:
Don't forget your allergy
to sheet cakes, hon.
- Yes, Mother.
- Have a good time, now.
- You're allergic to sheet cakes?
- Just the pan.
Have a good time, now.
Welcome to the Washington Gardens.
You have a reservation?
Douglas. Dexter Douglas.
Who put all this in Latin? Ah, yes,
your mommy made the reservation.
She says you're having
a big, fancy first date. Ha-ha-ha.
Have a good time, now.
And this must be the lucky lady,
princess girl.
[WHISPERING]
Don't worry, my dear.
Oh, we'll make this the most
romantic night of your life.
No, don't.
[IN NORMAL VOICE] Unfortunately, your
table won't be ready for a few minutes.
Why don't you two lovely pigeons
wait here in the lounge?
There. Oh, that's so nice.
[STATIC CRACKLING]
Hello? Hello?
! hope someone can hear me.
I'm operating the minicam with my tibia.
The Lobe has taken over the network.
I repeat, The Lobe has taken over--
[LOBE READING ON-SCREEN TEXT]
I, uh, gotta potty. I'll be right back.
MAN: I'm not finished.
- Oh. Sorry.
DEXTER:
Oh, Freak out.
Time to wash my hands.
[HUMMING]
All that's left
is to steal the last season of Bonanza.
The ones featuring David Canary
as Candy.
[COUGHING]
Hello? Lobe? Is this the right room?
Freakazoid, look what you've done.
Sorry. I'm in a hurry.
There's a door not 10 feet away.
A fine invention. You should try it.
Okay. I'm pulling the plug
on your little fiendish scheme.
But aren't we going to fight?
You know, have a struggle of some sort?
I don't have time. I gotta get back.
I'm on a date.
But that's not fair.
I went through all the trouble
of planning this amazing, brilliant crime.
- The least you could do is chase me around.
- Next time. We'll make a night of it.
- We'll have a really big fight.
- Oh, "next time." Pooh.
[GRUNTING]
[YELPING]
[GIBBERING]
Sky.
Sky. Sky. Lobe. Zapper. Hello, Lobe.
- Hey. Freakazoid.
- Oh., hi, Cosgrove.
The Lobe's inside,
all packed up and ready to go.
Once we're done here,
you wanna get a fat-free yogurt?
I can't. I gotta get back to my date.
Next time.
[GIBBERING]
How about you kids?
Wanna get a yogurt?
All right. Maybe later.
The Lobe, he's escaped.
What a thoroughly unsatisfying evening
this has turned out to be.
- Where to now, boss? Back to the hideout?
- The hideout?
Oh, that's all we ever do.
"Back to the hideout."
I'm sick of the hideout.
Why don't we do anything fun anymore?
You wanna go by the video store
and see if they got Guarding Tess?
No. You're not listening.
I want to go out.
I want to have some fun.
I want to sing. I want to dance.
BOTH: Dance?
- I know.
The Washington Gardens.
We haven't been there in ages.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
The Washington Gardens?
Oh, but, boss,
that joint is crawling with people.
- You're a wanted criminal.
- I don't care. Call Francois. Tell him...
Tell him Lobey's coming back.
Is the gentleman still going tinky?
Yeah. Could you check on him for me,
see if he's all right?
Of course.
MAN: Not yet.
- Ooh. Sorry.
FREAKAZOID:
Freak in.
DEXTER:
Uh-oh.
I think we have a problem here.
Zoids! I look like Oprah Winfrey.
Oh, Freak out.
Okay, let's not panic! Try it again.
Freak in.
Yes.
David Letterman?
Oh, Freak out.
Why can't I change back into Dexter?
Hmm...
Of course. The Lobe's video sapper
must've shorted one of my circuits.
Come on out of there, Dexter.
You're on a date.
Freak in.
Oh, it's me. I'm back.
Oh, am I glad to see you.
Aha! You have been in here practicing.
Come. The girl, she waits for you.
I found him.
- Who?
- Your date.
That's not my date.
Ha-ha-ha. Of course it--
- Skipper Alan Hale?
- What?
Oh, no.
Goodbye, little buddies.
Hmm. But I had him.
[YELLING]
Oh, Freak out.
Dexter, come out of there right now.
Hey, what are you doing?
The girl, she thinks you don't like her.
- Come.
- Whaa!
- Here he is.
- That's not him.
Of course it--
Your Honor.
- I am so sorry.
- Me too.
See you.
I think I am going crazy!
Attention, waiters.
I have the most wonderful of newses.
This very evening,
after an absence of many years...
...we will once again play host
to our favorite guest.
ALL:
You mean...?
[SPEAKS IN FRENCH]
The Lobe.
[CHEERING]
- He's here.
- All right. You all know what to do.
Go greet our guest.
[CHATTERING IN FRENCH]
Freak in.
Aw, Freak out.
Meanwhile, as poor Freakazoid strained,
grunted and groaned...
...in his feeble attempt to change back
into mild-mannered Dexter Douglas...
...The Lobe, that super-smart, sinister villain
with the pink, fleshy head...
...arrived at the Washington Gardens
and was about to do the unthinkable.
[DRUMROLL PLAYING]
[CROWD APPLAUDING]
[BIG BAND MUSIC PLAYING]
[SINGING]
Bonjour, Lobey
Oui, bonjour, Lobey
We're so pleased that you've come back
We have to scream
We see your veins, Lobey
And your brains, Lobey
Undulating, calculating
Formulating schemes
Let's throw a big party
For our big smarty
We're just pleased as punch
To see your big fat head
[LAUGHING]
Wow, wow, wow, waiters
Lobey wants a bowl! of chow, waiters
Don't forget a big old plate of bread
As a criminal, I shouldn't show my face
So years in seclusion I've spent
But now I realize
It's okay to show my face
If anyone squeals
I'll entomb them in cement
In thick cement
Bonjour, Lobey
Oh, bonjour, Lobey
Lobey's back
And feeling higher than a kite
Oh, give me food, waiters
Baked, fried, broiled or stewed, waiters
Lobey's got a hearty appetite
[IN LOUIS ARMSTRONG'S VOICE]
Oh, hey, bonjour, Lobey
- How you doing, Lobey?
- Just fine.
I'm so pleased that you've come back
I have to scream
Well, go ahead.
- I see your veins, Lobey
- They're all mine.
- And your brains, Lobey
- Aren't they something?
Undulating, calculating
Formulating schemes
- Let's throw a big party
- Be-ya-ba-do
- For this big smarty
- Be-za-ba-do
I'm just pleased as punch
To see your big fat head
See how big it is.
It's a big fat head.
Give him food, waiters
- Baked, fried, broiled or stewed, yeah
- Yeah
BOTH:
Don't forget a big old plate of bread
WAITERS:
Oh, hey, bonjour, Lobey
Oui, bonjour, Lobey
We're so pleased that you've come back
We have to scream
- We see your veins, Lobey
- Whee!
- And your brains, Lobey
- Whee!
Undulating, calculating
Formulating schemes
- Just smell the food baking
- Ismell it.
- And the salt shaking
- I see it.
Lobey's back
And feeling higher than a kite
Give me food, waiters
Baked, fried, broiled or stewed, waiters
Lobey's got a hearty app
Lobey's got a hearty app
Lobey's got a hearty appetite
Oh, that's so nice.
-"Roast duck, pressed duck, dead duck."
FREAKAZOID: Psst.
Freakazoid. Happen to catch
my little number?
Look, you gotta help me.
That video-sapper thingy of yours
shorted me out.
I keep popping into different people.
I can't change back into my alter ego.
It's ruining my date.
Ah, yes, that would be a consequence.
- It's easily rectified, however.
- It is? How?
Before I tell you,
you have to do something for me.
- What?
- We have some unfinished business...
...from earlier this evening.
- I want you to chase me.
- You gotta be kidding me.
All right, never mind. Enjoy your date.
All right, a little chase.
Then you help me.
- Splendid. Should I start, or do you want to?
- Uh, you go ahead.
- Ha! You'll never get me, Freakazoid.
- Yes, I will.
Whee!
[LAUGHING]
[YELLING]
[GASPS]
[LAUGHING]
That is one happy man.
LOBE:
Ahoy, matey.
[YELLS]
[GRUNTING]
[CHEERING]
[GRUNTING]
[PATRONS SHRIEKING]
Come on, Freakazoid.
Hi, Stetf. Bye, Steff.
LOBE:
Whee!
That is one happy man.
[YELLING]
- Is that enough?
- Plenty, thank you.
A tablespoon of salt
in a glass of water will cure you.
Thanks.
That is one happy man.
Wow. Bravo.
Au revoir, Lobey. See you in five to 10.
Oh, what an evening. What a night.
I feel lighter than air.
Good job, Freakazoid.
Now, how about that yogurt?
- Uh, no, thanks. I got a date.
- Can I go?
Okay. See you.
[GAGS]
Well, here goes. Freak in.
Is it...?
Yes, it is. My hands. My shoes.
My little outtie bellybutton.
Hello, little bellybutton.
- Dexter, where have you been?
- Uh...
My hand got stuck in the potty.
- I know this hasn't been a very good date.
- Are you kidding? It's been great.
Did you see The Lobe's musical number?
It was fantastic.
And then he and Freakazoid
did this whole routine.
I've never seen anything like it.
- Well, so you've had a good time?
- Well, yeah.
[GIGGLES]
Have a good time, now.
Have a good time, now.
[ENGLISH SDH]