Frasier (1993–2004): Season 7, Episode 23 - Something Borrowed, Someone Blue: Part 1 - full transcript

Oh, hi, Roz.
Oh, there you are.

I brought something
for Daphne.

I was just going to leave it
with the doorman.

(sobbing):
Oh... Oh, Lord.

Did I say something?

Well, actually,
our doorman Morrie

passed away this week.

We just got back
from the funeral.

Oh, my gosh.

I'm so sorry.

Is she going to be all right?



Well, uh, you know, she's been
a little high-strung all week

even before he died.

I guess it's just wedding stuff,
you know.

Yeah.

Ooh...
sorry about that.

So, you brought me something,
Roz?

Well, yeah, I figured
you can't get married

without wearing
something borrowed.

Oh, what a beautiful garter.

Look at all the lovely detail.

I especially like
the little odometer.

(no audio)

Thank you so much, Roz.

Does anybody besides me
feel like a cup of coffee?



Oh, I'll brew a pot.

Oh, don't be silly.

I've been here enough times

to know
how to get the coffee made.

Daphne,
make us some coffee.

Kidding.

(laughing)

"The Wayside Inn."

Is this where you're having
the wedding?

Oh, gosh,
it's just beautiful.

I hope it is.

The planning's
been a nightmare.

I spent an hour today
on the seating chart.

Everyone has
some demand.

"Don't sit me
near the band."

"You mind if I
bring a friend?"

Oh, my God,
you can't seat me next to him.

Exactly. Every selfish,
whiny, little de...

no, you cannot seat me
next to Tim Walsh.

I dated him all last summer
and he dumped me.

He's going with my
bridesmaid, Annie.

I have to seat the
bridesmaids together.

This always happens to me.

Is there no place I can go

without running
into some guy I've dated?

I was reading about a Trappist
monastery in the Amazon

that they somehow
built into the treetops.

Shut up, you big doily.

This is going
to be awful.

Here I am at a wedding

sitting next to a guy
who dumped me.

FRASIER:
Oh, come on, Roz.

You won't be alone.

You'll be on the arm

of a well-known
Seattle boulevardier

and radio star.

Frasier,
I can't go with you.

I mean... going to a wedding
with your boss

is like going to the prom
with your brother.

Niles and I did not go
to the prom together!

Our dates were sick
and we went stag!

In retrospect, yes,
we should've canceled

the horse-drawn carriage,
but hindsight is 20/20.

(door opening)

Hey... hey, Roz.

ROZ:
Hi, Martin.

I'm sorry to hear
about your friend, Morrie.

Aw, thanks.

Yeah, his wife just did
the nicest thing.

I guess she knew
that Eddie and I would stop by

and shoot the breeze
with him

so, she gave us something
to remember him by.

Oh.
(chuckles)

"For Martin
and Eddie."

Gee, isn't that nice? Yeah.

I think it's some kind of wine.

Well, yes,
I'd say so.

(gasping)

My God, Dad, this is
a 1945 Chateau Petrus.

Oh, yeah?

He got it from his uncle

who was in France
after the war.

Well, it's one of the
rarest bottles in the world.

Well, if you're good
maybe Eddie will give you

a glass out of his half.

I've never even seen
a '45 Petrus.

Oh, poor Morrie.

He probably waited
his whole life

for an occasion special enough
to open that bottle.

Perhaps this should be
a lesson for us all.

Morrie may be

standing guard at the
door to heaven right now

but he is buzzing us
with one last message--

"Live life now."

I'm reminded
of a parable...

(knocking)

Come in. Come in.
Come in.

Simon!

Hi, Sis.

I thought you were
in California.

Yeah, well, those friends I went
to surprise were out of town.

So, I decided to house-sit
for them,

which was lovely,
till they came home last night.

I don't know what
all the screaming was about.

I was the one in the tub.

Where should I put this bag?

Uh, by the door, so you
don't forget it when you leave.

SIMON:
Right.

Well, I think I know
everybody here...

or do I?

What would your name be,
then, Miss?

Simon... you lowlife idiot.

You made a date
with me last week

and you stood me up.

Sorry, love, I need
a bit more to go on.

Maybe this'll refresh
your memory.

Roz-- of course!

MARTIN (laughing):
Well...

look who's back.

Well, who's this, then?

I'd say it was Marty Crane

but he's a bit too young
and trim, eh?

Oh, go on.

Can I offer you a beer?

Oh, I hate to drink alone.

Can I have a sandwich with that?

MARTIN:
Yeah.

If that beer-swilling boomerang
thinks he's staying here

he's got another
think coming.

(phone rings)

Better get a move on.

He already has your address
on his duffel bag.

We better get going

if we're going
to reach the cabin by dark.

"Cabin"?

Yes, Mel and I are celebrating
our six-month anniversary

by, uh, taking
a little midweek getaway

to her friend's country place.

Yes, no phones, no stress--

just two days
of rest and relaxation.

I do have to pick up

a little anniversary
gift, though.

So, give me
nine minutes

and meet me at the
northwest corner

of Pike and
Elm at 4:42.

Coming up on 4:33...

Mm-hmm,
synchronizing...

Now. Good.

I'm relaxing already.

Mmm...
Mmm...

SIMON:
Thank you, Marty.

That's most
hospitable of you.

Well, you have to
have a place to stay.

Stop right there!

He cannot stay here.

The man is loud, ill-mannered...

and the last time

he stayed here,
he killed a ficus tree

on the downstairs
neighbor's balcony

by means which are best left
to the imagination.

Frasier, I invited
Simon to stay

in my Winnebago.

Come on, Simon.
I'll show you your new digs.

Oh, Lord, Simon,
you know, I'm sorry...

Oh, no, no, no,
forget about it.

It's no worse
than what I was just saying

about you in
the kitchen.

(chuckling):
Good one.

He thinks I'm joking.

(laughing)

Join me in a
sherry, Frasier?

Oh, I think I will, Niles.

You know, I
have to admit

I'm a little bit nervous
about this trip.

I have a feeling
Mel may make another push

for us to live together.

Oh, my.

Well, she's been bringing
it up quite a lot lately.

She says it's a good way
to test our relationship.

You afraid you'll discover
things about each other

that you won't like?

Oh, no, no-no-no,
we're past that stage.

She knows my likes
and dislikes.

I've... become attuned
to her various quirks...

Mm-hmm.

Eccentricities...

bugaboos...

Ah.

Bêtes noires...

(chuckles)

Night terrors...

That's the fun of being in love.

I don't know
what's bothering me.

Is it possible
that your foot-dragging

might have anything to do

with some lingering feelings
for Daphne?

Frasier, uh, you must realize
I put that behind me months ago.

Just asking.

I'm very happy with Mel.

Well, then, what's your problem?

Uh, well... let's see, uh...

I just got
through a rough divorce.

Uh, I do have a tendency
to be overly cautious.

This could be a chance
to change all that.

So, you're in favor of it?

Well... I've never really been

the president
of the Mel fan club,

but she does seem
to make you happy,

and as we were reminded
this morning,

life is not to be taken
in baby steps.

Ask not
for whom the doorman buzzes...

Thank you.

All right. That was
much-needed therapy, Frasier.

Well, Niles,
it's my pleasure.

You are my brother.

You get the family rate.

Hey, Niles.

Got all the way
down to the Winnebago

and realized I had
the wrong keys.

I'll see you guys
in a couple of days. Bye.

You don't say, Mum?

Your phlebitis again?

Daphne!

Oh, got to
go now, Mum.

Dr. Crane's on the
warpath again. Bye.

Thank you.

Okay.

Daph, you know,
I'm glad you're here

because I was thinking
about that wine of Morrie's.

You know, that's something,
really, for a special occasion.

So, I'd like you to have it
for the wedding.

Enjoy it on your honeymoon.

(sobbing):
Oh...

Mr. Crane...

Oh, oh, Daphne,
come on. That's so sweet.

Come on, now.

It's only a bottle
of wine.

I don't even know
much about it.

Frasier, help me out
here, will you?

Well, Dad, Chateau Petrus
is a premier cru Bordeaux...

No, no...

Oh. I-I mean with Daphne.

There you go.

All right, Daph, oh...

Oh...

I'm sorry to get so
emotional like this.

It's all right.

I guess the funeral
must've really upset you.

It's not that.

Dr. Crane, I've wanted to
talk to you about this all week

but I haven't
known what to say.

Can you promise you'll
keep this just between us?

Of course.

It's about your brother.

You see, I know.

Know what?

I know about his feelings
for me.

My God!

How did you find out?

It's not important.

Somebody blabbed,
didn't they?!

Why can't people mind
their own business?

Who was
the nattering gossip?!

Roz?! Dad?!

You.

What?!

You were taking those pills
for your back

and you blurted it out

while I was giving you
a massage.

Oh, well, they were
very strong pills, you see...

Needless to say, it completely
took my breath away.

At first, I tried
to forget about it...

put it out of my mind. Yes, well,
the bottle said to take just one, but...

Oh, will you shut up
about those pills.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, Daphne.

Anyway, after a while,

I couldn't put it
out of my mind anymore.

I find myself thinking
about him all the time.

(sobbing)

Daphne...

are you saying

that you have feelings
for Niles?

I think I do.

Oh, I don't know.

Even if I did, he may not feel
that way about me anymore.

He's with Mel now.

I don't know what
to tell you, Daph.

Uh... I-I think
th-the best thing is

to-to try to find a way
to talk with Niles.

That's not an easy
conversation to have.

It's easier now
than after you're married.

You're right.

I have to talk to him,
and right away.

I'm already making
myself sick over this.

If I leave it any longer,

I'll be a complete
basket case.

Uh, did he mention

if he was going home?

Well, uh...
(stammering)

Actually, uh,

he's-he's going somewhere...
else first.

Um...
Where?

Get you some towels

and you'll be all
set down there. Right.

(sobbing)

MARTIN:
Oh, geez,

Daphne, it's just
a bottle of wine.

(doorbell rings)

DAPHNE:
I'll get it.

Oh... Dr. Crane, I didn't
even know you'd gone out.

I thought you might be
your brother.

I went down to get the mail

and got all these wedding gifts
for you, but don't worry--

Niles called and said he'd be
coming by this afternoon.

I don't even know how I'm going to
begin this conversation.

I'm sure those
chocolate chip-blackened teeth

will be a nice icebreaker.

I've been so nervous lately.

I've done nothing but stuff
meself with junk food.

(doorbell rings)

It's him.

All right, all right,
all right, fine.

You're going to be
just fine, okay?

Remember to speak
from the heart.

Mr. Crane!

Thanks.

Eddie started
doing his

"I-don't-know-
how-much-longer-

I-can-hold-this" dance,

and I just ran out
without my keys.

Ever see him do that dance?

Just the droll impression of it
you do at parties, Dad.

You know, Mr. Crane,
Eddie seems awful fidgety.

I don't think he got
enough exercise on that walk.

Anybody needs any exercise, it's
you, the way you're eating now.

You know, when they put
"party size" on that cookie bag

they don't mean
"party of one."

(doorbell rings)

Simon, what
do you want?

Well, I've just come
to borrow a pen

so I could fill out
this job application.

What? Oh,
you're applying for work?

Well, here, uh, allow me.

There we are.

Gosh, we'll miss
you around here,

but onward and upward.

So, what's the job?

Doorman.

Dear God.

Why, it's ideal for me, really.

Nice, cozy chair,
plenty of time

to think the long, long
thoughts of youth...

not to mention what the uniforms
do for the ladies, eh, ha-ha!

If memory serves,

a certain bellhop
back in Manchester

found that out with a young lady
who will remain nameless.

Simon!

I'm this close to just
poppin' him one.

Now, now, Daphne, Daphne,
you just have to calm down.

Here. Have a cookie.

What is up with your appetite
lately?

What, you knocked up
or something?

Of course not, you...

Now, now, you
wouldn't be

the first person in our family
to be walking down the aisle

carrying more
than just a bouquet.

(angry muttering)
(grunting)

(doorbell rings)

Uh, Simon,
why don't you

finish filling that out
in the kitchen,

and help yourself
to a beer?

Well, great.

Roz!

Hi, guys.

Hey, Frasier, I felt kind
of bad about the other day

dumping you as
my wedding date...

You want me back,
don't you?

...and I'm sick about it,
but I can't find anybody else.

Sorry, Roz, I already
invited somebody else.

She's driving up on Saturday
to join me.

Get rid of her!
I need a date.

I'm desperate!

Well, well, somebody here
is singin' my favorite song.

Simon, there's
a guy who lives

in the park across
the street from me.

He wears a cat suit
and meows at people.

If he's busy,
maybe I'll call you.

I'm prettying myself up,
just in case.

Speaking of which, Daphne--

I borrowed your blow-dryer
for my job interview.

I spent an hour
looking for that!

I thought I was losing my mind!

Well, that does happen to women
in your condition--

you know, in a family way...

You're pregnant?!

I am not pregnant!

What, just another scare, then,
like that time back in school

with that Pakistani chap?

That's it, you pig!

Ooh. Put me down.

Daphne and I are going out
for a breath of fresh air,

perhaps to retrieve
her blow-dryer.

Oh, if Niles should happen
to stop by, keep him here.

There's something important
I need to discuss with him.

Oh, for God's sake,
put me down.

Not until you promise
not to kill your brother.

Oh, all right.

It's not as if he
doesn't deserve it.

Telling everyone
I'm carrying Donny's baby--

like I don't have enough
to worry about today

waiting for Dr. Crane.

Daphne, Daphne,
you have to calm down.

It's not easy.

I don't even know how
to begin with him.

"Would you like steak
or salmon at my wedding?

And by the way, I think
I might be in love with you."

Daphne, you'll
find the words

when the time
comes, all right?

Don't pretend you're not
listening, Mrs. Richman.

Your laundry is not
that interesting.

Oh, come on,
George.

I'm desperate here.

I promise you a good time.

I mean a really
good time,

if you get my drift.

You might have mentioned
I was on speaker phone.

Listen to what
you're doing, Roz.

It's not very
dignified, is it?

Come on, Roz, give
Simon a chance.

What, so he can
stand me up again?

And miss my sister's wedding?
Never.

Well, if you're worried
about my appearance,

I know where I can get my hands
on some very nice Armani suits.

Or you can just grab one
out of Frasier's closet.

What do you think
he was talking about?

All right...

but, Simon, just remember--
my ex-boyfriend will be there.

If anybody asks,
you're an Internet millionaire.

Right. I'll be your perfect
well-bred, upmarket gentleman.

Now, I'll walk you
to the garage.

Oh, you don't have to.

Oh, it's no bother--
I live there.

Roz!
Niles!

Simon!

Well, by the look of
that smile on your face,

I'd say somebody got
himself a bit last night.

I find that remark
rude, boorish...

and impossible to deny!

Brilliant!

Niles, how was your trip?

Oh, fantastic, Dad.

Where's Frasier?
I have some news.

Oh, he'll be back
in a bit. What's up?

Oh, uh, well, I should
wait for Frasier.

It was really his idea.
Do you mind?

I can wait.
Okay.

I can't.
What is it?

I'm married.

Married?

Yes. Mel and I eloped yesterday.

Well?

Well...

congratulations, son!

That's great.

So, uh, you're
happy, right?

Oh, happy? I'm delirious.

Yeah, you'd have to be,
wouldn't you?

So, uh, you say
this was Frasier's idea?

Well, indirectly, yeah.

Oh, before I forget,
it occurred to me--

I think we should keep this
from Daphne and Donny.

I would hate for them
to think

that we're stealing
their thunder.

Oh, Niles.

Frasier.

Three guesses what
I did yesterday. What?

Daphne.

Dr. Crane.

Send Daphne away.

Get rid of your father.

Daphne, could you go
to the drugstore?

I'm all out of liniment

and my back's getting
kind of achy.

Dad, that's because you've been
sitting in that chair all day.

I tell you what, you know
what you could use?

A good walk
to the drugstore.

It'll do you a world of good.

I'll go with you.
Oh-oh, okay. All right.

Niles, why don't
you come, too?

Yeah, we'll all go.

No! No, there's something
very important

I need to discuss
with Dad, Niles.

I'm sure you understand.

Fras!

(phone rings)
Oh, excuse me.

Hello? Mel, darling.

No, just hanging
out with Daphne.

Honestly, Dad, when will
you learn to take a hint?

I can't take a hint?!

Couldn't you see that Niles
wanted to talk to you?

Whatever it is,
he can wait.

Oh, yeah, no big deal.

He just got married,
that's all. What?!

He eloped with Mel
yesterday.

Poor Daphne.

Would you please keep out
of this, Mrs. Richmond!

We have got to
get back up there!

We're going
to the basement!

I can't wait that long!

See you later... darling.

Sorry about that.

Oh, it's all right.

So, 48 hours till the big day--
you must be pretty excited.

It's funny
you should mention that.

You see, Dr. Crane...

Yes, Daphne?

(yelling):
Niles!

Dr. Crane! You're
back awfully soon.

And you-you're
all out of breath.

Is something wrong?

Uh, no, no. It's just
that there's something

I need to discuss
with Niles.

What, now? We were
just having a chat.

Well, I'm sure it
can wait, Daphne.

Daphne, Daphne, I need
to talk to Frasier, too--

if you don't mind.
Oh, of course not.

It's not like I had anything
important to talk about!

Daphne all right?

Well, it's just, uh,
wedding stuff, I guess.

Uh, speaking of which,
I-I understand you have

some... some news?

You're... married?

Yes. I guess Dad couldn't
contain himself

any more than I could.

I thought you were
just going to move in together.

Well, so did I, but the
strangest thing happened.

As we talked about it,
we got more and more excited

about the idea
of being together,

and then I remembered
your advice

to stop taking baby
steps through life.

Before we knew it,

we were asking the waitress
for a phone book

so we could find
a justice of the peace!

(doorbell rings)

What can I say but...
congratulations?

Martin... or should
I say Dad?

Yeah. I heard.

Hello.

Darling, darling,
it occurred to me

I think perhaps we should try
to keep this quiet from Daphne.

Keep what quiet?

Oh, we can't keep something
like this a secret.

We got married.

Did you?

NILES: Yes. While we
were out of town.

But the last thing we want
is to upstage you and Donny

so we are not mentioning
this outside this room.

Well, I am just

so happy for you both.

We're having champagne.
Would you like to join us?

I'd love to, but I have to get
a check down to the caterer's.

They're closing
early today.

Let me drive you
over, Daph.

Oh, no, I'm fine.

Congratulations again.

Oh, save a glass for me.

(sobbing)

This is the lounge.

Through there
is the dining area

where the rehearsal
dinner will be.

This is lovely.

Say, have you seen
the bride-to-be yet?

I'd like to have
a word with her.

No, I haven't.

So, I thought we'd
have the toast

right before dessert.

Dr. Crane!

Gosh, Daphne, I was wondering
where you'd gotten to yesterday.

After the caterers
I went straight to Donny's

so we could leave
bright and early together.

It's lovely up here,
isn't it? Oh, yes.

Anybody else want something
from the bar?

Um, Scotch rocks.

Donny, it's barely noon.

Isn't that when your mom
said she'd be here?

Give him a double.

Um, Daphne, I was
actually hoping...

I'll have
whatever he's having.

Roz.

I don't even know why
I came to this wedding.

Hi, Daphne.

I was all set
to drive up here myself

when I think "wait a minute.

"I can't walk
into that lobby alone.

What if my ex-boyfriend
is here?"

So, I agreed
to drive up with Simon.

There I am

standing on the curb
with my garment bag

and what does he pull up in?

Your father's Winnebago.

Thank you.

Don't go anywhere.

Next thing I know,
we're heading down the highway

in the wrong direction
towards the airport.

Hey...

I wasn't kidding.

Turns out he's promised

to ferry your entire family
up here.

All 14 of them?

Fifteen. Your Aunt Ida

got the weekend off
from the bakery.

Judging by the size of her,

it'll be the first Saturday
they turn a profit.

You know, Donny,

maybe you could take Roz
out for a walk

in that rejuvenating country air

while I have a word
with your fiancée?

Come on, Roz,
let's go.

You don't mind if I just
take this with me, do you?

Well, uh...
I didn't think so.

Daphne, I wanted
you to know

that I'm just
completely devastated

by what happened.

It's all right, Dr. Crane.

It's just when I advised you
to have a chat with Niles

I had no idea he'd run off
and get married.

I know your concern for me,
but I'm fine.

I thought about it
all last night,

and I realized
what I was feeling

was just wedding jitters.

I do love your brother,

but I'm in love with Donny.

You're not just putting on
a brave face?

No.

I'm a bit embarrassed now,
making you worry for no reason.

Oh, it's all right, Daphne.

It's what I do.

You've always been
such a wonderful friend.

In fact, I brought this
for the honeymoon,

but I'd like you to have it.

Oh, Daphne, I couldn't.

Donny and I
aren't wine drinkers.

I wouldn't dream
of it. Really.

All right, I'll keep it.

Now I've hurt your feelings.
Here.

Gosh, Daphne...

I tell you what.

I promise
that when I do drink this,

I'll be thinking of you.

Oh, come here.

Oh, Daph.

There's my baby.

Hi, Mummy.

(both groan happily)

Mum, this is...

Oh, I know who he is, love.

I want to thank you, Donny,

for rescuing my daughter
from that horrible Dr. Crane.

Well, actually...
Every time

I call her, I'm not on the phone
five minutes

before that tyrant
is ordering her to hang up.

Cup of tea, please.

I thought my daughter might get
me one, but she didn't.

God, this seat's
worse than the Winnebago.

Though not half as uncomfortable

as that sardine tin of a room

you arranged for me.

Oh, God, can't bear
the smell of that.

Take it away.

Oh...

Reminds me of the salmon

they served on the airplane.

Oh, if it doesn't have me
hurling me guts out,

it'll be by God's
own intervention.

Now give your new mum a kiss,
Donny.

Oh, actually, Mum,

this isn't Donny.

DONNY:
Oh, is this Mum?

This is Donny.

Hi.

Well, come here.
Let's have a look at you.

We've be starting to think
our Daphne

would never find herself
a young man.

And I see she hasn't.

Well, beggars
can't be choosers.

Well, I'm going
to go and see

if your father's stomach
is feeling any better.

He keeps saying it's tension.

What he's got to be tense about,
I'll never know.

I was worried she'd be
in one of her dark moods.

(crowd talking)

Daphne's brothers know how
to let loose, don't they?

MARTIN: Boy, I'll say.
Now, listen, about their names.

The one who'll eat anything
on a bet, that's Nigel.

No, no, that's Peter.

Nigel's the one
whose Band-Aid he ate.

See ya.

Hey, Fras.

Had enough, huh?

Oh, yeah.

I think I hit
my limit

when in the middle of my toast

I looked down and there was
a man chewing on my boutonniere.

Oh, God, it's been
a hell of a week.

I still can't get
over Niles and Mel.

Didn't see that coming.

Well, at least he says
she makes him happy.

So there's nothing
you can do about it.

Actually...

Fras, don't even think

about trying to talk
him out of it.

He's married.
End of story.

It's really
not that simple, Dad.

You see...

I shouldn't be talking
to you about this.

Is this about Daphne?

Why do you say that?

Oh, come on, I got eyes.

I know something's going on.

I seen the way
she's been looking at him.

She found out how Niles has felt
about her all these years.

You're kidding?

How'd she find out?

That's not important
right now, Dad.

The problem is that she told me

that she might have
the same feelings for him.

Oh, geez.

Of course,
then Niles shows up married.

Now she says
it's just jitters.

Well, you can't
tell Niles all this.

He says he's
happy with Mel.

She says she's happy with Donny.

And I'm not sure I believe
either one of them.

Just remember, Fras,

there are two marriages
on the line here.

So, before you get involved,
you better make damn sure

you know what you're doing.

Who blabbed? Roz?

Yes, but she feels terrible.

Hello, boys.

Hey...

A pack of smokes,
please, barkeep.

Oh, lovely spot,
isn't it?

I just took a nice
little stroll outside

around the wishing well.

Oh.

That'll be four
dollars, please.

Oh, yeah, right.

This ought to cover it.

(coins clattering)

Tim, what a surprise.

I had no idea
you'd be here.

Simon...

come here.

Show time.

Simon, this is
my old friend Tim.

He's a computer programmer.

Oh, what a
coincidence.

With me owning
my own software company.

Really? What sort of
applications are you focused on?

Voice recognition,
data encryption,

something I'm working on
for NASA.

Can't discuss that one.

Oh, very impressive.

And Roz, are you
still producing?

I'll say she is.

(hearty laugh)

Excuse me.

Mind if we
join you guys?

Oh, please.
Sure.

There's plenty of room.

Give me a beer, please.

Sorry we didn't
get a toast

out of you,
Mr. Crane.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I really wanted to, Daphne.

But I just felt kind of awkward.

Oh, it's all right.

Anyway, I should
be toasting you.

I'm going to miss you,
you rotten old sod.

BARTENDER:
Ballentine okay?

Oh, yeah, that's my beer.

Yes.

You know, I just found out

they're going to quit
making this stuff.

Really?
Yeah.

There's an end of a era.

That's right.

It's going to be one sad day
when I get down to my last one.

You know,
it's funny...

you get used to having something
in your life.

It's part of your day.

Just take it for granted.

Then suddenly it's gone,

and you realize
how much it meant to you.

(slow music starts)

Hey, guys, great party.

Oh, uh, Mel,
why don't you take my seat?

I'm going to sit here
and enjoy the music.

I'll join you, Fras.

Take my beer over there.

I just want to go
to the restroom.

You know, seeing
that this is my

last night as a
carefree bachelor,

would you care
to dance, Miss?

I'd love to.

Uh-oh.

Well, certainly picked
the perfect spot

for your wedding.

It is, isn't it?

We're doing the ceremony
in the garden.

Oh. It'll be beautiful.

I love this song.

Well, where are my manners?

Would you like to dance?

All right.

Give us a chance to keep
an eye on those two.

Oh... it's been a while

since we've
danced together.

Yes, it has.

Thanks for dinner.

It's been a
wonderful evening.

It's one of those times

you just don't
want to end.

(song ends, applause)

(new song begins)

Excuse me, sir.

You mind if I cut in?

Not at all.

Thank you.

Darling.

What in the world
was so urgent

that you brought me
all the way up here?

Niles, just sit down.

Something I need
to discuss with you.

Uh...

I was watching you
on the dance floor just now

and the look in your eyes
was unmistakable.

Well, can you blame me?

Mel's quite the little dancer.

Of course, her vertigo
does rule out

any serious twirling, but...

Niles, I'm talking about Daphne.

The way you
were looking at her...

well, it just breaks my heart.

Frasier, it was one thing

when you were beating this drum
the other day,

but I'm married now.

What's it going to take
to convince you

that I am over her?

She knows.

What?

Daphne knows that you
have feelings for her.

She's known for some time.

How?

Well, it's a long story.

I think Roz said something.

Anyway, she knows.

I knew you thought
my marriage to Mel was hasty

but to poison it like this?

I'm not going
to listen to this.

Niles, Daphne feels
the same way about you.

At least I think
she does.

She told me as much
the other day

and then she denied it
once you got married.

But I saw the way
she was looking at you

downstairs just now.

Oh, my God.

Niles, I'm not in the habit

of breaking up
people's marriages.

But how could I
not tell you?

You're my brother.

I love you.

(knocking)

MEL:
Niles, darling?

Yes, honey?

You left
with our only room key.

Oh, oh. Here.

I'll let you through this way.

I am so sorry.

It's all right.

You have a whole lifetime
to make it up to me.

(chuckling nervously)

(gasping)

This is awful.

I love Mel.

It's just...

Oh, I know.
I know.

I have to talk to Daphne.

Come with me.

Maybe while I'm
speaking to her,

you can find some way
to occupy...

Donny!
Hello, Daphne.

Hey, Doc.
Things were getting

a little too wild
for us down there.

Oh, just as well.

We all have
a very big day tomorrow.

About that, Daphne,
can I have a word with you?

All right.
Go ahead.

I'm going to get
out of these shoes,

and I'll see you
in a few minutes. Good night.

You know, I'll just
brave the horde,

see if I can get myself
a nightcap.

Uh... good night.

Come in.

So, Daphne?

Yes?

May I offer you
something to drink?

Um, no, thank you.

Oh, all right.

Anyway, Daphne...

Perhaps an Orangina.

Oh, all right.

Maybe I'll join you.

Funny thing
about Orangina--

I never buy
Orangina at home,

but whenever I'm in a hotel
and there's a mini-bar,

it's the first thing I go for.

Orangina.

Anyway... I was
just talk...

talking to Frasier
about a conversation

you two had.

Oh, dear.

No, no.

Don't get upset.

I specifically asked him

not to say anything.

What was he thinking?

No, I'm glad he told me.

Oh, yes. So we can have
a big talk about it.

That's what
you psychiatrists always do--

drag everything
out in the open

so we can work
through it

no matter how awkward
it might be.

Well,
I just don't see the point.

Daphne, I'm glad he told me

because I love you.

(laughing):
Excuse me.

Dad?

Oh, I'm sorry.

I thought you were in here
with Frasier.

The boys
are playing a game

called William Tell
with the seltzer hose, and...

Uh, oh, well, uh... anyway.

Why don't you two just go on
doing whatever you were doing,

and I'll just, uh...

I'll be down in the lobby
by the fireplace.

Dr. Crane,
you shouldn't say such things.

It's the truth.

Lord knows,
I have tried to deny it,

tried to pretend
that I'm over you,

but not a day
has gone by

when I haven't thought of you--

your smile, your beautiful eyes,

what it would be like
to hold your hands

and ask you the question
I never dared ask...

What's the difference
between a blister and a boil?

Donny!

I took my shoe off,

and it was like I'm growing
another anklebone down here.

Doc, you went to med school.

What am I supposed
to do with this?

Lance it or something?

You know,
as I recall

the best thing
for that would be

to soak it
in tepid water

for at least half an hour.

All right.
What luck, huh?

Can you imagine a worse thing
could have happened to me

the night before my wedding?

I don't understand.

How come you
never said anything before?

Daphne, I wanted to.

I just... the timing
never seemed right.

Oh, and the timing's right now?

I'm 12 hours from the altar
and you're on your honeymoon.

I would never have
gotten married

if I thought there was
the slightest chance

that you shared my feelings.

Trust me, Daphne,
say the word,

and I will leave Mel
in a heartbeat.

MEL:
Niles?

Darling.

I was just looking
over these brochures

for our honeymoon.

Hi, Daphne.
Hi.

The Danieli has
a step-down tub,

but the Gritti has the most
romantic view of the Grand Canal.

What do you think?

I think a woman

with your exquisite taste

can handle this decision.

He says that now.

Wait till the
honeymoon's over.

Don't the doors
in this bloody place lock?

I'll get this one.
You get that one!

Daphne, it is not
too late for us.

I meant what I said
when I said I would leave her.

That's crazy.

No, no, it's
not crazy

if you feel the same way I do.

But I need you to tell me,

and I can accept it
if the answer is no...

how do you feel about me?

(door opening)

Pardon.
Simon?

How could you get in here?

Frasier loaned me his key,
in a manner of speaking.

I have to get some things
out of the mini-bar.

I don't want to get caught
empty-handed

when last call comes.

You're not having a last call
of your own in here, are you?

Of course not.

Right.

This isn't the chap
whose baby you're having, is it?

Excuse me?

I'm not pregnant!

Simon!

Bit of bad news.

Nigel!

Peter's got sick
into the piano

so we've been asked
to vacate the bar.

Bloody hell, Daphne.

Nice hotel you picked.

Well, Nigel, I'm sure

Daphne won't mind
we help ourselves

to the contents of her mini-bar.
Away you go.

Right. Give us
a hand, lads!

Nigel!

Stephen! Peter! David!
Michael! Billy!

What are you all doing
in here?

So here you all are.

What is the point
of bringing the party

down to the Winnebago

when there's a perfectly
nice room right here?

You're not moving
the party in here.

Oh, Daphne,
don't get

your blood pressure up.

You've got your baby
to think of.

Here, have a drink

and relax... oh, God.

I'm sorry
about all that.

I must be in love.

It doesn't even bother me
that you come with them.

Lovely night, isn't it?

Hmm.

Stars are out.

There's a nice breeze.

(inhaling)

Hmm?
Night-blooming jasmine.

And of course,
there's the beautiful girl.

Dr. Crane, I still haven't
answered your question.

Yes, I know.

That's why I keep talking.

In case I don't get
the answer I want,

I can at least make
this moment

last a little longer.

I'm not sure if it's jasmine
or orange blossoms.

You know, a lot of times...

Oh, for God's
sake, Dr. Crane.

I think you
can call me Niles now.

No.

I don't think I can.

I do love you, but
I can't do this.

W-w-well, I know it'll
be difficult, b-but...

I will get a divorce,

and you can call off
the wedding.

I can't.

Donny is a dear
and wonderful man,

and I made a
promise to him.

And, Mel-- you made more
than a promise to her.

We were supposed to forget that?

For what? We have no idea
how we'd be together.

For heaven's sakes,
we've never even been on a date.

Daphne, take it
from someone who knows.

You don't want to spend
half your life

thinking about a chance
you didn't take.

I'm sorry.

My mind's made up.

I think we should
say good night now.

Good night, Daphne.

Good night, Dr. Crane.

Hey, Niles.

Don't tell me the
ceremony's over already.

Oh, no, it hasn't
even started yet.

Actually, we saw you
heading over this way.

We thought maybe you
could use some company.

I just felt like
some privacy.

This is one wedding

I couldn't see myself
handling very well.

Oh, lots of people
cry at weddings.

Yeah, but not so many end up

wailing
and rending their garments.

I appreciate
your coming over,

but I'd hate for you
to miss it on my account.

Actually,
it's been delayed a bit.

You see, the justice
of the peace started out

asking the witnesses
to step forward,

and three of Daphne's brothers
just ran off into the woods.

(knocking)

Ah.

Hello.
Here's your wine, sir.

Yes. Thank you very
much, young man.

Uh, and, uh,
this is for you.

What is this?

Well, Niles,
I got to thinking

about our old friend Morrie

and how he kept this bottle
of wine his entire life

waiting for a special occasion.

And then, I thought

what occasion
am I saving it for?

And then I thought
about what a courageous thing

you did last night--

taking that chance.

And that's worth a toast.

No, no, Frasier...

Niles,
it's too late.

The foil is pierced.

I know this thing
between you and Mel

seems kind of bad
right now, but...

Oh, now, Dad, why
do you say that?

Just because I spent
the third night of my marriage

proposing to another woman?

Well, I'm just saying

that marriages survive
all kinds of stuff.

You know, you
might still be happy.

Ten years from now, this
could all be ancient history.

I hope you're right.

FRASIER:
All right, gentlemen.

Here we are.

Dad, Niles-- allow me.

To better days.

Dad, where did Morrie keep this?

In his wine rack.

Which is?

In the boiler room.
Oh, Lord.

I'll just save this little treat
for later.

Yes, well, thanks
for the thought.

You two should be running along.
I'll be fine.

All right, well,
take care, Niles.

FRASIER:
I saw a waiter

passing champagne just outside.

I'll have him bring you
a glass, so you can...

Get the taste out.
Yes, thank you, Frasier.

(knocking)

Come in.

Hello.

Daphne.

I was wondering...

if you might be free for a date.

Oh, my God, yes.

There's plenty of time
for that later.

Let's get
this bloody boat moving.

What... you mean now?

There's about
a hundred people back there

I'm not so keen on seeing.

All right.

Let's go then.

Fasten your seat belt, Daphne.

Fasten yours, Niles.

♪ Hey, baby,
I hear the blues a'callin' ♪

♪ Tossed salads
and scrambled eggs ♪

♪ Oh, my ♪

♪ And maybe
I seem a bit confused ♪

♪ Well, maybe,
but I got you pegged ♪

(laughing)

♪ But I don't know what to do ♪

♪ With those tossed salads
and scrambled eggs ♪

♪ They're callin' again. ♪

Good night, Seattle!

We love you!