Frasier (1993–2004): Season 7, Episode 18 - Hot Pursuit - full transcript

Frasier and Roz share a room at a broadcasting conference, which is notorious for being a meet market. However, both strikeout miserably and return to the room dejected. The combined effects of both their recent dating dry spells and their respective new looks (Frasier has beard stubble and Roz tries on a blonde wig) cause them to seek each other for companionship. Martin takes on a stakeout job at Donny's request, but Niles has his concerns.

Dr. Crane.

Hello, Daphne.

Is Dad around?

I have that videotape
he wanted to see.

Actually, he's gone off
with Donny.

They went
to a tractor pull.

Oh...

As I understand it,

they attach a
large weight

to a tractor
and see how far

they can pull it
through the mud.



Oh.

The answer to your
next question is

"Beats the hell
out of me."

(door opens)

Oh, hello, Daphne, Niles.

Hello, Frasier.
Oh, Dr. Crane,

I see you've grown yourself
a crumb catcher.

Oh, please. Spare me
your jocular euphemisms.

I've heard them all from Freddy.

My chin sweater, my face fuzz,
my hickey-hider.

(chuckles)

Well, I think it suits you.

Well, thank you,
Niles.

I just wanted to shake things up
a bit, you know.



How was Boston?

Oh, it was fine.

It was great
seeing Freddy again.

Of course,
Lilith was insufferable,

but she's got a new boyfriend--

some 28-year-old named Marcel.

He's a contortionist

with the Cirque
du Soleil.

She's dating French circus folk?

Yes, well,

he's actually perfect
for Lilith.

He has no apparent spine,

and she can wrap him
around her finger.

Of course, Lilith's
smug satisfaction

was a little hard
to bear, though...

especially considering
how long it's been

since the circus came
to my town.

(door opens)
DONNY: I know.

I couldn't believe
the wheel that thing had...

It's Grizzly Crane.

Well, nice soup strainer
there, Fras.

Thank you.

DONNY: Oh, we just saw a hell
of a tractor pull.

Even you would have liked it.

So, how's
my grandson?

Oh, he's great, Dad.

Actually, he loved
the baseball mitt you sent him.

Where's Daphne?
I got this little gift for her.

Oh, a John Deere cap.

How... could you?

(doorbell rings) Oh, you know,
I'm just giving it to her

to see her pretend
to like it,

and then I'm going to give her
a bracelet.

Hey, Frasier.
Oh, hi, Roz.

Mm, cool beard.

Oh, thanks.
Hey, Niles.

Hey, Roz.

Okay, here's
your directions,

hotel confirmation
and schedule.

Excuse me?

Broadcast conference.

Good Lord, I thought
that was next week.

No, it's tonight.

I'm going up there right now.
Oh, no, Roz.

I just got back from Boston,
for God's sakes.

You know, maybe I can
just drive up tomorrow

and attend the panels.

Frasier,
tonight's reception's

the most
important part.

It sets the tone for
the whole weekend.

Oh, come on, last year,
everybody just got drunk

and acted like a bunch
of horny teenagers.

Exactly, so stop yakking
and start packing.

Well, you know,
it could be

just the boost you
need after a long week

with Lilith and
le Pretzel Boy.
f
You know, come to think
of it, there was

one really gorgeous blonde
up there--

"Rush Hour" Rita,
Laramie's eye in the sky.

Yeah, I remember her.

The traffic was bumper-to-bumper
outside her room.

Meow, Roz.

It's just I
am so sick

of men becoming panting idiots

just at the sight
of blonde hair.

Oh, that's a bit of
an oversimplification.

That's ridiculous.
It's insulting, Roz.

For God sakes,
I mean,

every man's taste
is different.

Sorry. It's just that I met
this guy at Nervosa today

for coffee, and it
was very annoying.

Every time I tried
to say anything,

this blonde waitress
would walk by.

Oh, Mimi's back?

Oh, that's good news.

Got to stop in
to see Mimi.

FRASIER:
You know what?

I guess I better get packing.

MARTIN:
What are you talking about?

You got your bags right there.

No, Dad.
These are my "daddy" clothes.

I have to go and pack
my "Come to Daddy" clothes.

DONNY:
Oh, give me a break.

All right, all right.

My surveillance guy
just canceled for tonight

just when I need him
for this big money divorce case.

Is this the Stanley
Redmond thing?

Yeah. The Dumpster
rental king.

This guy controls

half the Dumpsters
in the Northwest.

His wife thinks he's been taking
out the wrong kind of trash.

Now, you know, if I can
prove it, this case is mine.

That is so depressing.

You expect this sort of behavior
from a mattress king,

but we ask more
of our Dumpster royalty.

Yeah, but, uh,
you should see his girlfriend.

She's gorgeous, leggy, blonde.

Oh, well, blonde.
That explains it.

Good-bye.
I'm sorry.

DONNY:
Hey, wait a minute.

Marty, you were
a cop, right?

You must have
done surveillance.

Oh, sure,
all the time.

Well, why don't you
work for me tonight?

It's 45 bucks
an hour.

Oh, I don't think
Dad would want to do that.

45 bucks?
DONNY: All right, 50.

But if you get a picture
of Redmond and the girl,

there's a $500 bonus.

500 dollars?

All right, $700.
You're killing me here.

Dad, I-I don't think
this is a good idea.

Where exactly is this stakeout?

It's at
the Alcazar Apartments,

you know, in Belltown.

Belltown is, uh,
sort of a sketchy neighborhood,

wouldn't you say?

Oh, Niles, to you,
a sketchy neighborhood

is when the cheese shop
doesn't have valet parking.

I'm an ex-cop, remember?

Yeah, yeah,
I know you're an ex-cop.

Let's just examine this, Dad...

No, no, no, no,
let's just forget about it.

I'm not going to listen
to this all night.

I just won't do it.
Are you satisfied?

Yes.

Thank you.

Donny, I'm sorry
to put

a crimp in your plans.

DONNY:
That's all right.

I'll sure I'll find
somebody else.

You're still doing it,
right?

Hell, yes.

Thanks for watching Alice, Lori.

I really owe you one.

Well, I just want to get
down to this cocktail party

before all the good men
are taken.

What? I just want to have
a little fun tonight.

No, I do not mean that.

All right, I do mean that.

(knock on door)
Uh, Lori, I'll talk to you later.

Thank you again. Bye-bye.

Oh, hey, Frasier.

Hi, Roz. My room
isn't ready yet.

Can I put my stuff here
until I can check in?

Sure. Come on in.
Thanks.

I'll tell you, the
storm hasn't dampened

the festivities
downstairs.

It's only 7:00,
and Marge Whitmeyer

is already in the bar
arm wrestling people for drinks.

How many did you buy her?

Well, three,
but my elbow was in a wet spot.

Hey, did you happen to notice
if that weather guy

from KSGY was there?

Yes, I noticed
that he was there.

Something tells me

the forecast calls
for a collision

between two warm fronts.

(phone ringing)

Oh, excuse me.

Hello?

Oh, yeah, he's here.

Front desk.

Great, thanks. Hello.

Yes.

Well, then, you'll just have
to get me a room elsewhere.

I see.

Thank you very much.

They don't have a room for me.

What are you going to do?

Well... I guess I could stay
on the couch.

What?

Oh, come on, Roz.
I got no choice.

The whole island
is booked.

Well, this sure is going
to cramp my style.

I mean, it's not like college
when everybody just...

Never mind.

You know, Roz,
we're two attractive people.

We're at a conference that turns
into a bacchanal every year.

Odds are, neither of us
will need this room tonight.

You're right.
What's the problem?

I believe there's
a cocktail party awaiting us.

Let's go down together.

We'll be like jackals.

They hunt in pairs.

I like your
self-assurance.

There's no greater
aphrodisiac

than confidence.
Shall we?

Let the games begin.

I just need
a little more lipstick.

I'm sweating
right through this shirt.

Niles...

You specifically
promised me...

Oh, would you shut up
and get in here?

How did you know
I was here?

The doorman.

Big mouth.

Oh, well,
I guess he didn't realize

he was being sworn to secrecy
when you said,

"Hey, Sid,
I'm going on a stakeout."

I can't believe you lied to me.

Well, I'm sorry,
but you were making

such a big fuss about nothing.

It is not nothing.

Look at this
neighborhood.

I'm not even happy parking
my Mercedes here.

It's not that bad.

Oh, really?

Well, then, could
you explain to me

the ominous
group of men

standing back there in
the shadows by my car?

They're all wearing

the same sort
of dark coat.

It's some
sort of gang.

Niles, they're Hasidic Jews.

That's right.
Keep walking, keep walking.

So, what, did you come
down here to bawl me out?

Yes... partly.

(sirens blaring
in the distance)

Also to give
you this.

What's this?

Clam chowder.

(laughing)

I remembered Mom
made it for you

when you went
ice fishing,

and I hated the
thought of you

sitting out here
cold and hungry.

Well, thank you.
I appreciate it.

But, look, why don't
you just go back home?

I'll be fine.

No, I can stay
for a while.

No, really.
I'll be fine.

No, no, you can use the company.
Oh, come on, Niles,

why don't you tell me
what's really on your mind?

All right, Dad.
I was worried about you.

I knew it.
Because I'm an old man

and I can't take care of myself.

No. Age has nothing
to do with it.

I've always
worried about you.

That's what it's like
when your father's a cop.

I worried about you when
I was five years old.

I didn't stop
worrying

until the day you retired,

and today just brought
it all back again.

Look, I'm sorry.

For what it's worth,
I know what you mean.

My dad was a cop, too.

I know.

But you know, Niles,

I'm not chasing after bad guys.

I'm just going
to take a picture.

That's true.

I'm... probably overreacting
like usual.

Uh... well,
I guess I'll head home.

No, no. Hey, hey.

Wait a little bit.
Stick around.

How would you like
a little clam chowder?

I'd love some.
Okay.

This is clam chowder!

Well, what did you expect?

Irish whiskey!

Your mother

always filled it
with coffee and Irish whiskey.

We just called it clam chowder
in front of you kids.

Is that why you got so mad

that day I crumbled
oyster crackers in your thermos?

(sighs):
What happened to you?

The same thing that
happened to you.

I got a hug good night.

Where did we go wrong?

Rush Hour Rita was draping
herself all over you.

And that news guy
actually said to me

if I gave him 22 minutes,
he'd give me the world.

I, uh... I
don't know, Roz.

After he gave you
the brush-off,

he came over and sat down
next to me and Rita.

Before I knew it,
they had discovered

their mutual fondness
for tango music.

ROZ:
Oh...

I lose out to tango music?

What a night. A total bust.

Oh, come on, Roz.

You know,
for my money,

you were the most
attractive woman down there.

Thanks, Frasier.

And I'm not
just saying this

to return the favor,

but you look really hot
in that beard.

Oh, well... thanks.

Well, you know,
maybe we're better off.

Just a couple of old friends
having a cozy evening together.

Yeah, right.

(knock on door)

It's him!
It's her!

All right.
All right.

Come in.
Hello.

Oh.

Sorry to
disturb you,

but the manager wanted
to apologize

for the mix-up with the room.

This is on us.

That's nice.

Well, uh,
you in the mood

for a glass
of champers, Roz?

I don't know.
What do you think?

It won't fit in the mini-bar.

Well, it's settled, then.

Uh, I can open it myself.

Thanks. Here you are.

Thank you.

Well...

Ah, demi-sec,
respectable label.

Not a bad year.

We may just be
having a better time

than anybody else here.

(tango music playing upstairs)

(shouting):
Dad, this thing is amazing!

I can actually hear some guy
brushing his teeth.

Swish, swish, spit.

Swish, swish...

(gasps):
Flossing!

Niles!

You have...
got to try this.

It's incredible!
Here, put those on.

All right.

All right, now point
that anywhere you want.

(horn honking)

(screams)

Niles, will you quit
kidding around?!

This isn't a game.
It's a job.

I just want
to spot the guy,

get a picture
and get out of here,

so why don't we just sit here
and be quiet for a while?

You know, Dad...

are you sure you want
to be doing this?

I thought you said
you weren't worried about me.

No-no, I'm not worried
about your safety.

I just mean, are you doing
the right thing,

meddling in this
guy's marriage?

You know, speaking
as a psychiatrist...

Oh, boy, open up a window.

I just see this
sort of thing

in my practice
all the time.

People make mistakes
an-and have affairs

and then find
some way to fix it.

It's possible that by
taking this picture,

you're destroying any
chance this man has.

Niles, the guy's a bum.

He's probably always been a bum.

Now, if you want to get
into a debate about something,

maybe you can tell me
what those grass clippings

were doing in the clam chowder.

That was lemongrass...

and Chef Andre has gotten
high kudos for that soup.

Well, if kudos are
those brown chewy things,

he can have them.

I put mine in the ashtray.

You pretend to
be such a cynic.

I think you
agree with me.

You have too much of
a conscience not to.

Aw, babbity babbity bap.

Oh, there they are.

You're still going
to take this picture?

Oh, you're damn right
I am.

Even though right now,
that man may be planning

to break it off with
his girlfriend tonight,

planning to-to rededicate
himself to his marriage,

the terrible guilt
spurring him on

to ever-greater depths
of commitment,

an-and-and years from now,

he may be sitting with his wife
by the fire, holding her hand,

reflecting on all their
wonderful years together--

especially their
sunset years--

and you could
destroy all of that

with one click
of a camera.

(shutter clicking rapidly)

Sorry, Niles.
What were you saying?

You took a picture
of that tree,

and you know it.
All right, I did.

What'd you have to talk
about all that stuff for?

I was just saying what
you were already thinking.

You did the right thing and
you're not going to regret it.

Oh, yeah? Well,
how am I going to tell Donny

I just sat here and watched them
walk by and get in the car?

You'll tell
him proudly

because you know
in your hearts...

(crash)
(car alarm blaring)

Whoa! They backed
into your Mercedes.

I don't believe it.

They're not even leaving a note.

They're driving away.

Well, I wouldn't worry
about it, Niles.

They're probably wracked
with grief,

and it'll spur them on to...

Oh, shut up
and take that picture.

Hurry up, get their
license plate number!

Hurry! Hurry!

Um... my longest relationship

would have to be Ted--
'88 to '90.

No, Derrick--
'89 to '92.

Being a gentleman, Roz,
I won't point out

the slight overlap there.

It's not an overlap.
It's a transition.

Uh-huh.
You know, like in April,

when you start wearing
your spring clothes

even though you're still
wearing your winter stuff?

Yeah, well, if we're talking
April of '90,

I doubt if you were wearing
much of anything at all.

Okay, wise guy...

what was your
longest relationship?

Oh, that's
easy-- Lilith.

Lilith.

Although...

(chuckling)

What?

Well...

if we're not talking
romantic relationship,

well, then, uh...

my longest relationship
with a woman would be you.

Seven years.

Loser.

(laughing)

Yeah.

Seven years...

Gosh. My God,
it has been that long.

It's worth toasting.

Absolutely.

(chuckles)

So, Frasier,
what's with the beard?

You hate it.

No. Actually, I like it.

It's like you're Frasier,
but you're not Frasier.

What made you do it?

Oh, I don't know,
you know, I just...

wanted to change things a little
or something--

I don't know-- be spontaneous.

Oh, my God, I almost did
something like that

this weekend.
FRASIER: Really?

Yeah, I...

Oh, hell,
I'll show you.

Ooh, nice silk pajamas.

I made a little
purchase

on my way up here.
Did you?

Well, I am just dying
with anticipation.

What is it?

ROZ: But you promise
you won't laugh?

I promise.

ROZ:
Okay. Hold on one second.

I'll be right out.

(sighs)

I just wanted to see
for once in my life

what it'd be like
to be a blonde.

I thought I'd wear
it down to the bar one night.

(chuckling)

Pretty pathetic, huh?

On the contrary, Roz,
it's-it's... quite becoming.

It's like you're...

Roz but not Roz.

Hello, stranger.

You here for
the conference?

Yes, I am.

Is this seat taken?

It's been waiting for you
all its life.

Champagne?

Well, I'm not
sure I should.

I already had one glass,
and it went straight to my head.

I feel like maybe
I should lie down.

You could use
my room.

Are you sure you're a gentleman?

Well, I do prefer blondes.

(both laughing)

God, how many times

have I had that
conversation?

(both chuckling)

What would life be

without the occasional
surrender to impulse?

It's true.
It does make you feel alive.

Doing things you know
you shouldn't do.

With people you
shouldn't be with.

Right.

Right.

You know, suddenly...

this couch seems
a little small for me.

Well, the bed seems pretty big.

It's a big bed.

It is.

Roz...

(knocking at door)

For God's sake.

Are you all right?

Yeah.
FRASIER: Okay. All right.

Hello...

Kenny?

I got stuck
in the storm.

Now they don't have
a room for me.

I hear we're in the
same boat, huh, Doc?

Oh, hey, Roz.

Hey.
Hey, cool wig.

Thanks.

KENNY:
Hey, wait a minute.

I'm not interrupting anything,
am I?

(laughing)

Pajamas,
champagne... No...

a fire.

(laughing)

So, uh, anyhow, uh,
can I bunk here?

Why not?

No reason, yeah.

Great, great.

Yeah, I really like
that blond hair, Roz.

You'd better be careful,
though.

Get the doc here all
hot and bothered.

(laughing)

Well...

I'm just going to get
out of these wet clothes.

I had a heck of a
time getting here.

All these roads
look the same.

I ended up taking
a wrong turn.

The last thing you
want to do out here

in these woods is
take a wrong turn.

Quite right, Kenny.

You know...

I'm not sure
the beard's really working.

I... probably should
shave it off.

I wasn't going to say anything,
but, yeah.

Yeah.

(sighs)

I don't wear one of
these snore strips,

I'm a buzz saw going
through steel pipe.

So, uh...

Rock-Paper-Scissors
for the sofa?

I'll take it.
Okay.

Looks like it's you and me
in the bed, Doc...

Okay.

But I warn you,
I'm a roller.

What was I thinking

drinking all that coffee
on the way up here?

I'm going to be up
all night.

I am wired.

Uh, Kenny, do you
think you could...

(snoring)

Good night, Frasier.

Good night, Roz.

(Kenny snoring)

♪ Hey, baby, I hear the blues
a'callin' ♪

♪ Tossed salads
and scrambled eggs ♪

♪ Mercy ♪

♪ And maybe
I seem a bit confused ♪

♪ Yeah, maybe,
but I got you pegged ♪

(laughing)

♪ But I don't know what to do ♪

♪ With those tossed salads
and scrambled eggs ♪

♪ They're callin' again. ♪

Scrambled eggs all over my face.

What is a boy to do?

Good night, everybody!