Franklin & Bash (2011–2014): Season 3, Episode 4 - Captain Johnny - full transcript
Morning.
You know, really, now we can
actually get to work on...
No. We're gonna be late.
He burned me again.
I had the wave.
He looked me right in the eyes,
and he dropped in on me.
I called him out.
What?
Yeah, it's like being new in prison.
Sometimes you just got
to stand up to the bully.
Instead of prison, it's Malibu.
Relax. You get plenty of waves.
I don't care how long
he's been surfing here.
He doesn't own the point.
All right, look, you know
I got your back, right?
When's the last time you hit somebody?
Eddy Walker. I dropped him.
In fifth grade.
Let me do the talking, okay?
Not hitting people is
why I became a lawyer.
Is there a problem, friend?
Hey.
We were just discussing
why we became lawyers.
What is that, like, a...
is that like a threat?
Not unless you're afraid
of being bored to death.
I'm Jared Franklin. This is Peter Bash.
He's a little excitable, but ultimately,
he's a great guy.
He's from the valley, so he's compensating.
You dropped in on me.
Yeah, I'm sorry about that.
I, uh...
I guess I didn't see you.
There we go.
So you guys are lawyers?
So, it's your cousin Johnny,
the commercial fisherman...
he needs the lawyer.
Yeah, yeah.
See, uh, yesterday, he's 12 miles out.
The Ventura County rescue
pulls him off his boat.
And they say they, uh,
they "saved his life."
So how can we help?
Well, they said it was his fault,
that he was stupid for being
out in such bad weather.
And then when they get him ashore,
they charge him 25 grand for the rescue.
I mean,
Johnny works on tight margins.
That's gonna put him out of business,
but they don't care.
You know, they're gonna sue him for it.
Look, Geno, we would
love to help your cousin,
but we charge by the hour.
We're pretty expensive.
We wouldn't be able to give him the, uh,
the face-to-face interaction
that's crucial with your lawyer.
You know, it wouldn't be fair to him.
Right, right.
Hmm.
I mean, you guys, uh, you
guys like to surf here, right?
'Cause this is... this is
one of the best point breaks
in all of Southern California.
- Amen.
- Yep.
Well, then there's no problem.
You see, you can give me
the face-to-face interaction you're
talking about here in the lineup.
And then I'll just report back to Johnny.
Well, don't you have,
like, a job or something?
I have a government
job... Fish and Wildlife.
Now, true, it's not gonna get me rich, but
there is not a morning session that I miss.
Mnh-mnh.
And if I do,
well, see, you literally couldn't surf here
without running into a friend of mine.
So, I don't know about you guys,
but, I mean, I think this
is gonna work out just great.
Yeah. Great.
Yep.
I was okay when your fight for justice
made us persona non grata at the bar
and at that gym with the pretty trainers
and the Christmas tree lot.
It wasn't an 8-foot tree.
The ocean?
Three-quarters of the world is ocean.
If we don't take this case,
we are gonna get the stink-eye
right in that little patch
right in our front yard.
Johnny?
Hey.
You're the surfing lawyers
Geno called me about?
Yeah. That's us.
- Got a minute?
- If you help me unload.
What? Okay.
I got to get back out.
You're going out in that thing?
We surfed this morning.
The swell's pretty solid.
I like it bumpy.
Makes some people seasick.
Makes me feel good.
And I got to find Carly Rose.
My boat. Still floating, I hope.
Well, at least you were rescued.
"Rescued"?
Yeah, that's, uh,
that's one way of putting it.
What's another?
Screwed.
I'm out there fishing, doing my job,
and some clown in an orange
vest drops out of a chopper
and says it's not safe out
here, my boat's too small.
Orders me off it.
My boat blows off to God knows where,
but I'm the reckless one that
owes 25 grand for the rescue.
So, you're saying you didn't need the help?
No, there was a little
whitewater on the decks,
but I was head-up.
I was fine.
Why'd they go to you?
Some freighter on the way to
China thought I was in trouble,
which I might have been if I
was dragging nets, but I don't.
I only fish with poles.
Pole-caught
tuna. Uh-huh.
Saw it on a menu.
Better fish with poles.
Better for the ocean, too.
Other boats don't care about that,
but if we don't take care of the sea,
it won't take care of us.
- Johnny, we're gonna help you.
- Yeah.
We don't think you should
have to pay that fine.
We're gonna take your case.
Payment.
Oh, God. Dude!
Why didn't you get that?
Why didn't you get...
- I thought you were gonna get that.
- That was yours.
You said, "I got it." He threw it at you.
Johnny, you threw it at him, right?
Look, guys, I really appreciate the help.
I got to get back out.
All right, good luck.
Look at this.
Going out there facing the elements,
doing it the way he wants.
You know who he reminds me of?
Wolverine.
I was gonna say us, but,
yeah, Wolverine, too.
You know who else is gonna be a Wolverine?
Ew. No.
Why?!
Because I pick the cases we handle.
That's not a good reason.
That's like "because I said so."
An excellent reason.
If he can't pay for his
fine, how's he gonna pay us?
Tuna.
Loaded with essential omega-3s,
great for the skin, the hair.
Not for our bank account.
Your psychic plaintiff wants to know
if she's going to be
prepped on her way to court.
Maybe she can just sense the answer.
Correction... our psychic plaintiff.
You're second chair.
Wait, wait, wait.
So, you guys are defending a psychic,
but we can't defend a fisherman?
Jesus was a fisherman.
Carpenter.
A win in my psychic
case could set precedent,
help the firm's reputation.
What can your case do?
Uh... let's find out. Yeah.
Tell you what... we both try our cases,
see which one raises
the firm's profile most.
Last time you two bet her,
you ended up nude on TV, so...
Right, so... we won?
- I think so.
- Yeah.
Tell you what...
if my case raises the firm's
profile more than yours,
you two are in your offices by 8:00 A.M.
Every day for 6 months.
Okay, but if our case
raises the firm's profile...
In a positive way.
Then when the waves are
good, we surf until 10:00.
You are on.
- Okay.
- Great.
Wow.
A white couch.
Really? Here, in the
splash zone at Seaworld?
Oh. Peter got it.
Somebody wants to impress lady doctor.
So soft.
It's like I'm sitting
on a giant bunny rabbit.
That I'm not allergic to.
Capstone will come out swinging,
try to get this dismissed.
It might get personal in there, Juliette.
I'm used to it. Kids
used to call me a witch.
I thought it might end once I
entered the professional world.
People fear what they don't understand.
Around the office, they
call him "The Devil."
It's because my first name is Damien.
Shall we?
By the way, you'll be arguing
the motion for standing.
Ready?
Uh... sure.
I've had like three
seconds to prepare, but...
Your Honor, Ms. Morano has no basis
for bringing a wrongful termination suit.
Capstone financial fired her
for her erratic, volatile behavior.
Your Honor, it's our contention
that those allegations were cooked up
to hide the real reason
that Juliette was fired.
She has a psychic gift.
- Elaborate.
- When she touches someone,
she can get visions about
what they're thinking
or even what's gonna happen to them.
Now, she never used it at work,
but a psychic doesn't really fit
Capstone's straight-laced image.
That's not true, and, more importantly,
even if it was, California
is an at-will state.
People can be fired for any reason.
Not religious persecution.
Continue.
Ms. Morano's psychic powers
are part of a belief system
passed down from her grandmother.
It has rituals, ceremonies, iconic totems.
And these are all the hallmarks
of religious observation.
Federal law is very clear.
You can't be fired for your religion.
Amen to that.
See you at trial.
Good job.
Ventura County is claiming
Johnny should pay for the rescue
because he was "grossly negligent"
going out into such rough seas.
Yeah, but all we have to do is prove
that those rough seas were a bathtub
for a salty dog like Johnny.
- Hello.
- Quick question.
Um, our new couch... where
did you guys purchase it?
Couch Hut? Couch Nook?
Uh, Couch Pouch?
Somewhere in the couch district, I think.
You stole Rob Lowe's couch.
- What?
- What?
No, we didn't.
Peter and I picked it up on the sidewalk.
Curb side law 101, Pindy.
Indoor furniture found outside
is deemed abandonned and free to take.
Peter, I am an actual lawyer, okay?
And Rob just tweeted that
his couch was just drying out.
The question is, why was it being washed?
God knows what perversions
this couch has witnessed.
My God. It's pristine.
You follow rob lowe on Twitter?
Ooh.
We're keeping the couch.
- That's what we thought.
- Good plan.
Hi, boys.
So, I suppose you heard about
my conversion at Vic Falls.
Yes, sir. And we saw the play.
Well, I made a commitment that day,
and I'm gonna keep to it.
So I've started the Infeld foundation.
It's going to be dedicated
to elevating lives,
building dreams, and
raising humanity to its pinnacle.
Distilled into one simple word,
it's about...
erection.
That's the letterhead. Simple.
To the point.
- Genius, sir.
- Love it. Love it.
Thank you.
Oh, and how's your fisherman, by the way?
We... we have a solid, uh, plan for court.
Good. Well, you must protect him.
You know, fresh pole-caught tuna...
it is the finned white truffle of the sea.
So, TIF is about erection
and finned white truffle.
No.
- That's a terrible letterhead.
- That's terrible.
If she really was psychic,
she should have used it on investments.
Or at least seeing the
firing coming, right?
You don't really believe she's...
Belief is the death of intelligence.
Besides, we don't have
to believe in psychics.
We just have to know the law.
Right.
I think I know why you
have me on this case,
and thank you,
because if we win this, we set precedent,
and this will look great
when I try for judge.
I'm so glad you think that.
Hey. I'm Carmen Phillips.
- You're hard to get ahold of.
- Yeah.
My phone burned up when
our house burned down.
She lives with the Franklin and the Bash.
Oh. Is that a long-term plan?
I don't know. Does it matter?
I hope not.
I need you to do some digging
about Juliette Morano at Capstone.
Capstone.
Yeah, um, I'm more
comfortable in, like, bars.
I'm more comfortable in St. Barts.
But I work here.
I'll take your findings tomorrow.
Juliette's been arrested.
I was returning my key card to Capstone,
and I ran into my boss, Bryan Easton,
in the parking garage.
We shook hands, and... it happened.
What?
One of my... visions.
He was yelling at me,
had me pinned up against the car
like he was gonna hit me.
What did you do?
I pepper-sprayed him in the face.
So, you shook hands
with a former co-worker
and then pepper-sprayed him in the face.
Awesome. Could you just give us one second?
Uh...
if Bryan testifies that she peppered him,
it is gonna cinch their claim
that her behavior is just unpredictable.
Unless we don't let them
frame it as an assault.
We say it was something else.
Bad manners?
You went to law school, right?
... Distressed vessel is
at about 33.25 north...
119.5 west.
I got eyes on.
Winds steady at 30 knots, gusts to 50.
I'm gonna pluck this guy.
Captain Masters,
that is you from your helicopter
describing the sea that day?
- It is.
- In your expert opinion,
was the captain of this
vessel grossly negligent
going out in such conditions?
Yes, ma'am.
Where's Johnny?
I told him 9:30.
Oh.
Nice entrance.
He's like Quint from "Jaws."
Yeah.
"For that, you get the head, the tail,
the whole damn thing."
"The shark's got lifeless eyes,
black eyes, like a dog's eyes."
"When he comes at you,
doesn't seem to be living."
Gentlemen,
this is the part of our
show where you cross-examine.
Yeah.
Why do you smell like beer?
I didn't want to smell like rum.
I hate being this far from the ocean.
In those weather conditions,
the inner ear is sending out wildly
contradicting signals to the brain.
The motion sickness is intense.
Forget a small vessel's integrity.
A person's far too debilitated
to even safely operate one.
And you know this because
as a former naval aviator,
you've trained in motion sickness?
Extensively.
Ever trained in a motion simulator?
Of course... from...
pitch-and-roll platforms
to multilevel gyroscopes,
- I've pretty much done them all.
- Wow.
You want to train in one again?
See how long you can go
before becoming debilitated?
Objection.
- Badgering the witness.
- How is that badgering the witness?
All right, fine. He can go second.
Your Honor, we'd like to
call our client to the stand
to do a demonstration using
our own motion-sickness system
that simulates the
conditions on rough seas.
Relevance, Your Honor?
Our client is accused of
being grossly negligent
for going out that day
based on Captain Masters' understanding
of a person's ability to
withstand motion sickness.
But as our demonstration will prove,
our client can handle far
more than the average person...
dare I say,
even more than a seasoned
pilot like Captain Masters.
I'll play.
Fine.
Okay. Place your bets, people.
Let's do this.
As you will see,
this device can provide
quite a disorienting ride.
I got pretty woozy after 48 seconds.
45.
- It was 48. It was 48 seconds.
- 45. It was 45 seconds.
You started the timer late.
He started the timer late.
I can show you. I can show...
Hey, Heckle and Jeckle.
Yes, Your Honor.
Ready?
Yep. All right.
This could go on for quite a while.
We might want to consider
ordering lunch in.
Yeah, uh, we might want to hold the lunch.
Yeah, we should.
Three feet higher, he would
have strafed the judge.
It was just our lucky day.
Guy at the docks said
they found the Carly Rose.
That's great.
Not necessarily.
The guys that found her
can claim ownership now.
Maritime salvage laws.
I got to call the boat that found her.
Maybe I can
talk them into giving her to me.
Call them from here. We can help negotiate.
Fishermen don't use phones
at sea, just vhf radio.
Hold on.
A boat radioed Ventura County
- to give your location that day, right?
- Yeah.
So, they make a distress
call and then disappear?
That's not weird? Not really.
Once those freighters
start screwing for China,
they don't stop.
... Distressed vessel is
at about 33.25 north...
119.5 west.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Stop.
Play that part again.
Distressed vessel is
at about 33.25 north...
119.5 west.
Engine hum.
- What about it?
- I don't hear any.
So, you're saying that call
wasn't made from a boat?
But they knew you were out there.
Who could have done that?
High Line fishing.
They saw me heading out into the channel.
I told them where I was headed.
They made the rescue call.
They knew this might happen to me!
Wait, wait. J... J... Johnny?
Johnny! Stop him. Johnny!
What's High Line?
And why would they want to sabotage you?
They're competitors.
And I make noise about the
crappy way they catch fish.
They'd love me to go away.
Okay, well, if we could prove
that they maliciously made the call,
they'll be on the hook
for the rescue charges.
What about my boat?
One step at a time.
Let us talk to High Line,
and we'll see what we're facing first.
- Okay.
- Okay.
- Thanks, guys.
- Yeah.
We'll call High Line.
Hey.
Is that Rachel's magic 8 ball?
Signs point to yes.
Hottest psychic character?
Jean Grey, the redhead from "X-Men."
Carrie.
Telekinesis. She could move things.
Yeah, she could.
Ms. Morano. Hi. Jared Franklin.
I'm a colleague of Miss King's.
- Hello.
- So...
Do you see a blond doctor in my future?
I see a...
Stop. I don't want to know.
That's not natural. She can see my death.
- What is wrong with you?
- Juliette.
Will you wait for me in my office, please?
- I'll be right there.
- Sure.
Excuse me.
Nice meeting you.
But you knew that.
Judge Wells overrode
California employment law
and fish-man puked in Judge Reid's court?
Yep.
So you better pick up the pace
'cause we are waxing your...
- I'm your boss.
- That's true.
I thought we were just having fun. Sorry.
Fun is an all-night foam party on Ibiza.
And at sunrise,
you realize you never
even got the guy's name.
Okay.
We're, uh,
- gonna work on the man-on...
- We're gonna go...
- the-boat...
- Yeah.
Not as fun as a foam party, but, you know.
Johnny's always been a bit of a cowboy.
It's a good thing we found that boat.
Good for who?
Everybody.
It was a hazard to navigation.
If you guys are his lawyers,
you should know that.
Yeah, yeah, we knew that.
So, you... you plan on
giving that boat back, right?
Not sure.
We spent a lot of money
on fuel towing it in.
We may need to keep it.
Look, guys, if you'll
excuse me, I'm kind of busy.
- Yeah, sure.
- Aye-aye, captain.
Thanks.
Copy that, High Line 3.
- I'll see you in an hour.
- Dude, check it out.
You remember that weird noise
on the, uh, on the tape...
that chirp.
Clarence... that's, uh, that's
a cool name for a parrot.
His full name is Clarence Beaks.
I guess it's from...
"Trading Places," Paul Gleason.
My John Landis references go deep.
Where is, uh, Clarence Beaks now?
Home. Bird flu.
- Bird flu?
- We're busy, guys.
- Sure. Thanks.
- Thanks.
When Juliette touched you,
did she have a psychic vision?
Yes, she predicted my car accident
six weeks before it happened,
exactly like she said it would.
She touched my arm and said
I would find my husband
in bed with my contractor.
And she knew his name would be Brad.
All the doctors said I
couldn't get pregnant,
but when Juliette hugged me,
she saw twins.
A year later, I had the boys.
No further questions, Your Honor.
Miss Morano, we've heard
some remarkable examples
of your ability to touch people
and see what they're thinking.
I know it sounds strange.
It's just something I've been able to do
since I was a little girl.
Now, what happened when you touched Bryan?
I saw what he was thinking.
He was going to attack me.
He was gonna attack you in
a deserted parking garage,
so you didn't just fly off the
handle and pepper-spray him.
You were stopping an imminent attack.
Yes.
You were acting in self-defense.
Objection, Your Honor.
This is ridiculous!
You can't claim self-defense
based on anticipation.
Your Honor, it wasn't anticipation.
Witness testimony proved
it was going to happen.
No, that testimony proved
she knew it was going to
happen to those other people.
For self-defense to stand, Mr. Karp,
you need to prove that
miss Morano is psychic
vis-?-vis Mr.
Easton in this court.
Court is adjourned until tomorrow.
You want a subpoena for Mr. Beaks?
- Yes.
- Yeah.
We believe he can prove
that High Line made a
fraudulent rescue call
to sabotage our client,
get him pulled off his
boat, charged for the rescue,
basically put him out of business.
And then they got greedy,
tried to take his boat... big mistake.
- Because now they are pirates.
- Boom.
Robbers of the high seas.
Pirates? Like Errol Flynn.
Not the first name to
jump to mind, but yes.
Now, where's Mr. Beaks as we speak?
In Ron Lee's living room.
In a cage.
A cage?
Is this a police matter?
He's a parrot.
Ah.
A parrot.
I like weird cases. I do.
You want to name these guys as pirates,
be my guest!
But I'm gonna need just a little bit more
to subpoena a parrot.
Aye-aye, Your Honor.
What are you talking like that for?
It's a pirate thing.
The "arr" and the...
avast ye... I got to go.
It's like a circus every
time I talk to them.
Hey. I'm here for my
interview with Mr. Easton.
- Name, please?
- Lisa Anne Ball.
Aww.
- So cute.
- Thanks.
Mine are 3...
and 5... and 6.
Yikes.
I don't see your name here.
Really? That's weird because
I was confirmed for 11:00.
Let me see why I don't see your name here.
Hey, uh, are they cool
with single moms here?
My oldest plays soccer,
and I would love to
make an occasional game.
They don't call it work for nothing.
Oh, my God. You know what?
My appointment's actually on Thursday.
I got the date wrong.
This is so embarrassing. I'm sorry.
Our secret.
Thank you, 'cause I
could really use this job.
I'm reliable, and
I'm not into palm reading.
I don't think that's the
real reason she was fired.
Really?
If we try the first U.S. piracy case
in the last two centuries,
do you know what that means for our lives?
Yeah, Rachel loses,
and we never miss surfing a glassy morning.
We get to go wenching.
"Wenching"?
Yeah!
Wenching's not a word.
You can't make any noun
a verb by adding "i-n-g."
- Show me one you can't.
- Car.
Show me two you can't.
Elevator, glass,
- cabin.
- Stop it.
Gentlemen, I... oh. Sorry.
I thought I heard Peter.
I'm on my way.
He misses his favorite chair. He visits it.
Uh, gentlemen, I...
I've just received a
rather distressing missive
from one of my Malibu neighbors.
Charlie contacted you?
Oh, Charlie. Oh. The comely doctor.
No, no.
Uh, actually, my foundation
does need a medical consultant.
Sir, you came in about something else?
Oh, yes. Thank you. Yes.
Mr. Rob Lowe.
He claims you purloined
his precious Italian sofa.
Now, I'm sure you boys are aware
they do have security cameras in the 'Bu.
No, sir, we thought he was throwing it out.
Actually, he did.
Sir, Peter will return what he stole.
Keep it! Or burn it!
Or strap a skateboard to
it and ride it down sunset.
I don't care.
But do not give it back to him!
Okay.
That little prick... h
stole Jackie Bisset from me
when he was starring in that movie "Class."
By the way, a part that he won
by poisoning Emilio's chili
at the Malibu cook-off the
day before his callback.
Sir, if I had a time machine,
I would go back to Malibu in 1980.
It's been war ever since.
Five years ago, he punched my house-guest,
the ambassador of Tonga,
for walking on his sand!
So I had his sand sent his bedroom...
by dump truck.
Well, so it goes on.
And you guys are still neighbors.
Actually, he's your neighbor now.
So the next time you have
one of your epic parties,
make sure that your
guests park on his lawn.
Yes, sir.
If it's war, you should use every ally.
Huh.
We should be doing the same thing...
use every ally.
No.
Fish and Wildlife doesn't
handle pet parrots, guys.
You're gonna have to try something else.
I didn't know Fish and Wildlife
wardens had the authority
to tell us what to do,
or do you just think you're
in charge where you're not?
Well, see, now, I think you'd be surprised
at Fish and Wildlife authority.
You see, when people get piggy,
we can shut down their whole operation.
"Piggy"? I was just catching waves.
You were catching every wave.
Okay, all right, big kahuna, gidget.
You guys are both great
surfers. You get tons of ladies.
Can we get back to Johnny?
What did you mean when
you said Fish and Wildlife
could shut down their entire operation?
Well, to discourage undersized catch.
See, you break the rules on one boat,
we can inspect it all...
warehouses, cars, boats.
Living rooms?
Damien says you have good news.
We spoke with Allen Pierce.
We were able to talk him
into a settlement offer...
$50,000.
They want this to go away.
What do you think?
I think you're afraid we're gonna lose
if I have to be psychic in court.
I think accepting it
might be our best move.
Mm-hmm.
I could go.
Or stay.
I'll just stay.
You're receiving a crown...
but you don't want it.
What are you, like, secret royalty?
Yes, I'm Princess Khaleesi
of House Targaryen.
You really think you can be
psychic with Bryan in court?
Yes.
All right. We'll give it a shot.
All right, you want to take the back?
I'll take the front?
Yeah.
Spot inspection by Fish and Wildlife?
Yeah, somebody called
in an undersized smelt
on one of High Line's boats.
That seems like something
that should really be investigated.
Right. Look, we got like
three minutes. Let's go.
All right, well, the only way
to know if this is the bird is
if we get him to make that noise again.
How?
You know, we could, uh,
- squeeze him.
- What do you mean, "squeeze"?
It's not an accordion.
What the hell's going on here?
Who are these guys?
No, no, Wes, it's okay.
These are, uh, friends of mine.
They're surfer buddies.
Yeah, well, they can't be in here, Geno.
Get them out of here.
Yeah. All right.
Yeah.
Ms. Morano, we'd like you
to read Mr. Easton's mind.
Mr. Easton, I would like you to think
of someone that's very important to you
and someone that you've
never mentioned to Juliette.
And I'd also like you to think of a number
and write the name and
the number on that card.
Excellent. Now,
if you could please let
Ms. Morano hold your hand.
The name's not clear.
Henry?
Henry.
You're thinking of numbers
on a document.
I'm gonna say...
12... 30... 2,000.
A birthday?
Mr. Easton, can you please
show us what you wrote?
Let the record show that the card reads
"St. Patrick, 317."
Nothing further.
We don't have Rob Lowe's couch!
Okay?!
But if we did, we would be willing to offer
$400. $450.
$500.
It's a $10,000 couch filled
with siberian white goose down.
We don't have it.
How was court?
10-car pileup.
You have something for me?
Bryan Easton.
Seems he took a lot of
Juliette's high-net-worth clients
out to expensive lunches, dinners.
Greasing them.
He's trying to scoop them all up.
They play hardball in finance.
He was doing it six
months ago... secretly...
while she was still working there.
That's a big no-no.
Yep.
Dig deeper on Bryan... right
now. It's time-sensitive.
Got it.
And, Carmen,
stop at I.T., get yourself a new phone.
I knew you'd be fine at Capstone.
You're talented.
Don't let anybody hold you back.
Living with Franklin and
Bash doesn't hold me back.
It does the opposite.
If you say so.
I thought I told you
that I wasn't going to subpoena
a parrot without precedent.
The State v. Sabin.
Los Angeles superior court, 1958.
The case of the perjured parrot.
Oh!
You're going to use an
episode of "Perry Mason" as precedent.
It was the golden age of
television, Your Honor.
Your Honor, we are...
- desperate.
- Very.
But our client's livelihood
has been destroyed.
We're not just talking about a fine.
We're talking about his way of life.
He's constantly under siege
from fishing conglomerates
and regulations and gas prices,
and he's out there every
day, fishing for us,
catching the fish that we eat.
And he does it in a way
that protects our oceans.
And he thinks outside the
box, protecting our future,
so can't we do the same for him?
Well...
Oh, look, Buddy Hackett's
on "Johnny Carson" tonight.
I've got this.
Mr. Easton,
what kind of clients do people
in your profession really want?
I guess that would be
high-net-worth
individuals.
"High-net-worth
individuals."
I believe you call them
"hin-wees" in your line of work.
Sometimes. Yes.
Hin-wee. Sounds a lot like Henry.
I'd like to enter
Ms. Morano's Capstone client list
as exhibit 4.
Can you read for the court
the total assets of Juliette's hin-wees?
$123,020,000.
A number that, when written out,
corresponds to December 30, 2000,
the date that Juliette saw
when she read your mind.
Weren't you thinking
about Juliette's hin-wees
in yesterday's demonstration?
No.
Weren't you willing to do whatever it took
to get those clients,
even start vicious
rumors that got her fired?
Objection. What is she going
to accuse him of next... murder?
Close. Assault.
Juliette saw Mr. Easton so angry at her
for not relinquishing her client list,
he was about to assault her.
That's enough, Ms. King!
Continue this line of questioning,
and I'll hold you in contempt.
You served on the hiring committee
for the last two years.
I did.
Ever hire any applicants
from your Alma Mater, Yale?
A few, but we also have executives
from Harvard, Stanford... everywhere.
Well, not everywhere.
Have you ever hired an executive
from Mt. Wood Community College?
No.
Of course not.
Capstone would never hire a graduate
from such a low-profile
two-year school, would they?
Objection. Relevance.
I think Bryan knows the
relevance, but I'll move on.
Did you orchestrate Ms. Morano's dismissal
in the hopes of getting her clients?
Maybe.
Yes.
No further questions, Your Honor.
Okay.
Let's take a little recess
to lick our wounds, shall we?
I never told you Bryan
went to community college.
I know. My new investigator did.
Your vision about Bryan was right.
You are a psychic.
But you need a great lawyer, too.
Lawyers.
Janice, do you remember
anything about the day
our client was pulled from his boat?
No.
Do you know what the punishment is
for aiding and abetting pirates?
You get gibbeted...
which is they hang you in an iron cage
until you
"star-r-r-r-ve" to death.
Objection. Relevance.
Sustained.
Did High Line steal my
client's boat, like pirates?
No. We salvaged it.
But it's not salvage if you
intentionally shipwreck a boat.
In fact, that's how captain
kidd pillaged the high seas.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Someone placed a fake call from a vhf radio
that my client was in trouble
so that he would be pulled from his boat,
knowing that it may founder.
... Distressed vessel is
at about 33.25 north...
119.5 west.
No idea who made that
call, where it came from?
A passing freighter? I don't know.
Your Honor, we have a sound
expert prepared to testify
that the distress call couldn't have come
from an ocean-going vessel
because there is no
background or engine noise.
We'd like to call Clarence Beaks.
Uh, Mr. Franklin, heave to, please.
Look...
I've already called
custodial once this week.
They can be very vindictive.
If that bird craps...
I will catch it before it
hits the ground, Your Honor.
Smooth sailing, there, Popeye.
Aye-aye, cap'n.
Buddy.
Your Honor, I'm all for
living out a pirate fantasy,
but in court, it doesn't...
Your Honor, while this is great,
this is not my pirate fantasy.
Mr. Franklin, if we're gonna do this...
Janice, do you recognize this bird?
It's Mr. Beaks, our parrot.
So he's yours?
No.
He's Ron Lee's, my boss.
But Ron keeps him in the High Line office
- near the radio?
- Yes.
Does Mr. Beaks here ever talk or sing or...
chirp?
No.
But he's a parrot.
They sing and talk.
I've seen them on YouTube and cartoons.
Maybe the good ones.
Not ours. He's never said a peep.
I think he's damaged.
Maybe if you held him, that would help.
- No, that's okay.
- Are you sure?
Yes.
Why not? Maybe it's a self-esteem thing.
If you hold him, he'll sing
like a canary or a parrot.
- Gesundheit.
- Thank you.
You're allergic to Mr. Beaks, aren't you?
I recognized the anti-dander
spray in your office.
Bless you.
The sound on the call is your sneeze
because the call came
from High Line's offices,
and you were there when the call was made.
Isn't that right, Janice?
I'll take that as a yes.
So the question becomes,
why did you feel the need to lie about it?
Was it because you placed
the call maliciously,
knowing it would destroy Johnny's business?
Take that as a yes, too.
No more questions, Your Honor.
Great.
We rest.
Of course, Capstone wants you back.
You can probably have Bryan's job.
He won't be needing it anymore.
Thank you.
And if you and Rachel need anything,
please let me know.
Oh, that's very kind.
It's not really my thing, but thank you.
I was talking about investment advice.
Oh, well...
Would you like me to try a reading?
I... I'm notoriously difficult to read.
I... I have very thick skin.
Plus a half-inch of man makeup.
Disregard them.
Oh.
I didn't get anything.
Come on. Give it to him straight, doc.
He can take it.
Oh, please. I have nothing to hide.
I saw you in jail.
- Bingo.
- Boom.
All right. Very amusing.
But, gentlemen, I suggest you get some rest
because 8:00 A.M. comes very early.
Good day.
Our win set precedent on protected classes.
I've been invited to speak
in front of the state bar association.
But we won a piracy trial.
That's better?
- Is she joking?
- It must be a generation thing.
This is the first U.S.
piracy case since the 1800s.
We made the "Weird News" Huffington Post.
Yeah, and we're... we're,
uh, trending on Twitter.
We're trying to get the best associates
- in a month, right?
- Yeah.
Whose case do you think
is gonna turn them on more?
The one where they get to
speak in front of the state bar?
I'm not turned on.
Or the one they win with
a parrot on their shoulder?
Whoa, that is sexy!
You said, "whichever case
benefits the firm's reputation."
I didn't say "to recent graduates."
You didn't not say "to recent graduates."
"Didn't not say to," really?
It's not my best work. I'm not proud.
Guys, it's gonna be
offshore tomorrow morning.
Surf should be good.
Enjoy.
Come on, Johnny, paddle out with us.
Yeah, take a break.
High Line has to pay the
fine. You got your boat back.
I got to repair lines, rig
poles... no break for me.
You guys have fun.
- All right. All right.
- Hey, guys, hold up. Hold up.
- What is that?
- What?
What are you doing?
Stretching my iliotibial band.
- Your what?
- My I.T. band.
You learn that in the Valley?
I still don't like that guy.
Yeah.
- He's a better surfer than you.
- What?
Come on.
It's okay. You're a better lawyer than him.
Guys, the couch is gone!
The front door was wide open!
It's gone!
Rob Lowe.
"St. Elmo's Revenge."
Let's go surfing.
That's it?
He's really that better
of a surfer than me?
He's a much better surfer than you.
Come on.
You know, really, now we can
actually get to work on...
No. We're gonna be late.
He burned me again.
I had the wave.
He looked me right in the eyes,
and he dropped in on me.
I called him out.
What?
Yeah, it's like being new in prison.
Sometimes you just got
to stand up to the bully.
Instead of prison, it's Malibu.
Relax. You get plenty of waves.
I don't care how long
he's been surfing here.
He doesn't own the point.
All right, look, you know
I got your back, right?
When's the last time you hit somebody?
Eddy Walker. I dropped him.
In fifth grade.
Let me do the talking, okay?
Not hitting people is
why I became a lawyer.
Is there a problem, friend?
Hey.
We were just discussing
why we became lawyers.
What is that, like, a...
is that like a threat?
Not unless you're afraid
of being bored to death.
I'm Jared Franklin. This is Peter Bash.
He's a little excitable, but ultimately,
he's a great guy.
He's from the valley, so he's compensating.
You dropped in on me.
Yeah, I'm sorry about that.
I, uh...
I guess I didn't see you.
There we go.
So you guys are lawyers?
So, it's your cousin Johnny,
the commercial fisherman...
he needs the lawyer.
Yeah, yeah.
See, uh, yesterday, he's 12 miles out.
The Ventura County rescue
pulls him off his boat.
And they say they, uh,
they "saved his life."
So how can we help?
Well, they said it was his fault,
that he was stupid for being
out in such bad weather.
And then when they get him ashore,
they charge him 25 grand for the rescue.
I mean,
Johnny works on tight margins.
That's gonna put him out of business,
but they don't care.
You know, they're gonna sue him for it.
Look, Geno, we would
love to help your cousin,
but we charge by the hour.
We're pretty expensive.
We wouldn't be able to give him the, uh,
the face-to-face interaction
that's crucial with your lawyer.
You know, it wouldn't be fair to him.
Right, right.
Hmm.
I mean, you guys, uh, you
guys like to surf here, right?
'Cause this is... this is
one of the best point breaks
in all of Southern California.
- Amen.
- Yep.
Well, then there's no problem.
You see, you can give me
the face-to-face interaction you're
talking about here in the lineup.
And then I'll just report back to Johnny.
Well, don't you have,
like, a job or something?
I have a government
job... Fish and Wildlife.
Now, true, it's not gonna get me rich, but
there is not a morning session that I miss.
Mnh-mnh.
And if I do,
well, see, you literally couldn't surf here
without running into a friend of mine.
So, I don't know about you guys,
but, I mean, I think this
is gonna work out just great.
Yeah. Great.
Yep.
I was okay when your fight for justice
made us persona non grata at the bar
and at that gym with the pretty trainers
and the Christmas tree lot.
It wasn't an 8-foot tree.
The ocean?
Three-quarters of the world is ocean.
If we don't take this case,
we are gonna get the stink-eye
right in that little patch
right in our front yard.
Johnny?
Hey.
You're the surfing lawyers
Geno called me about?
Yeah. That's us.
- Got a minute?
- If you help me unload.
What? Okay.
I got to get back out.
You're going out in that thing?
We surfed this morning.
The swell's pretty solid.
I like it bumpy.
Makes some people seasick.
Makes me feel good.
And I got to find Carly Rose.
My boat. Still floating, I hope.
Well, at least you were rescued.
"Rescued"?
Yeah, that's, uh,
that's one way of putting it.
What's another?
Screwed.
I'm out there fishing, doing my job,
and some clown in an orange
vest drops out of a chopper
and says it's not safe out
here, my boat's too small.
Orders me off it.
My boat blows off to God knows where,
but I'm the reckless one that
owes 25 grand for the rescue.
So, you're saying you didn't need the help?
No, there was a little
whitewater on the decks,
but I was head-up.
I was fine.
Why'd they go to you?
Some freighter on the way to
China thought I was in trouble,
which I might have been if I
was dragging nets, but I don't.
I only fish with poles.
Pole-caught
tuna. Uh-huh.
Saw it on a menu.
Better fish with poles.
Better for the ocean, too.
Other boats don't care about that,
but if we don't take care of the sea,
it won't take care of us.
- Johnny, we're gonna help you.
- Yeah.
We don't think you should
have to pay that fine.
We're gonna take your case.
Payment.
Oh, God. Dude!
Why didn't you get that?
Why didn't you get...
- I thought you were gonna get that.
- That was yours.
You said, "I got it." He threw it at you.
Johnny, you threw it at him, right?
Look, guys, I really appreciate the help.
I got to get back out.
All right, good luck.
Look at this.
Going out there facing the elements,
doing it the way he wants.
You know who he reminds me of?
Wolverine.
I was gonna say us, but,
yeah, Wolverine, too.
You know who else is gonna be a Wolverine?
Ew. No.
Why?!
Because I pick the cases we handle.
That's not a good reason.
That's like "because I said so."
An excellent reason.
If he can't pay for his
fine, how's he gonna pay us?
Tuna.
Loaded with essential omega-3s,
great for the skin, the hair.
Not for our bank account.
Your psychic plaintiff wants to know
if she's going to be
prepped on her way to court.
Maybe she can just sense the answer.
Correction... our psychic plaintiff.
You're second chair.
Wait, wait, wait.
So, you guys are defending a psychic,
but we can't defend a fisherman?
Jesus was a fisherman.
Carpenter.
A win in my psychic
case could set precedent,
help the firm's reputation.
What can your case do?
Uh... let's find out. Yeah.
Tell you what... we both try our cases,
see which one raises
the firm's profile most.
Last time you two bet her,
you ended up nude on TV, so...
Right, so... we won?
- I think so.
- Yeah.
Tell you what...
if my case raises the firm's
profile more than yours,
you two are in your offices by 8:00 A.M.
Every day for 6 months.
Okay, but if our case
raises the firm's profile...
In a positive way.
Then when the waves are
good, we surf until 10:00.
You are on.
- Okay.
- Great.
Wow.
A white couch.
Really? Here, in the
splash zone at Seaworld?
Oh. Peter got it.
Somebody wants to impress lady doctor.
So soft.
It's like I'm sitting
on a giant bunny rabbit.
That I'm not allergic to.
Capstone will come out swinging,
try to get this dismissed.
It might get personal in there, Juliette.
I'm used to it. Kids
used to call me a witch.
I thought it might end once I
entered the professional world.
People fear what they don't understand.
Around the office, they
call him "The Devil."
It's because my first name is Damien.
Shall we?
By the way, you'll be arguing
the motion for standing.
Ready?
Uh... sure.
I've had like three
seconds to prepare, but...
Your Honor, Ms. Morano has no basis
for bringing a wrongful termination suit.
Capstone financial fired her
for her erratic, volatile behavior.
Your Honor, it's our contention
that those allegations were cooked up
to hide the real reason
that Juliette was fired.
She has a psychic gift.
- Elaborate.
- When she touches someone,
she can get visions about
what they're thinking
or even what's gonna happen to them.
Now, she never used it at work,
but a psychic doesn't really fit
Capstone's straight-laced image.
That's not true, and, more importantly,
even if it was, California
is an at-will state.
People can be fired for any reason.
Not religious persecution.
Continue.
Ms. Morano's psychic powers
are part of a belief system
passed down from her grandmother.
It has rituals, ceremonies, iconic totems.
And these are all the hallmarks
of religious observation.
Federal law is very clear.
You can't be fired for your religion.
Amen to that.
See you at trial.
Good job.
Ventura County is claiming
Johnny should pay for the rescue
because he was "grossly negligent"
going out into such rough seas.
Yeah, but all we have to do is prove
that those rough seas were a bathtub
for a salty dog like Johnny.
- Hello.
- Quick question.
Um, our new couch... where
did you guys purchase it?
Couch Hut? Couch Nook?
Uh, Couch Pouch?
Somewhere in the couch district, I think.
You stole Rob Lowe's couch.
- What?
- What?
No, we didn't.
Peter and I picked it up on the sidewalk.
Curb side law 101, Pindy.
Indoor furniture found outside
is deemed abandonned and free to take.
Peter, I am an actual lawyer, okay?
And Rob just tweeted that
his couch was just drying out.
The question is, why was it being washed?
God knows what perversions
this couch has witnessed.
My God. It's pristine.
You follow rob lowe on Twitter?
Ooh.
We're keeping the couch.
- That's what we thought.
- Good plan.
Hi, boys.
So, I suppose you heard about
my conversion at Vic Falls.
Yes, sir. And we saw the play.
Well, I made a commitment that day,
and I'm gonna keep to it.
So I've started the Infeld foundation.
It's going to be dedicated
to elevating lives,
building dreams, and
raising humanity to its pinnacle.
Distilled into one simple word,
it's about...
erection.
That's the letterhead. Simple.
To the point.
- Genius, sir.
- Love it. Love it.
Thank you.
Oh, and how's your fisherman, by the way?
We... we have a solid, uh, plan for court.
Good. Well, you must protect him.
You know, fresh pole-caught tuna...
it is the finned white truffle of the sea.
So, TIF is about erection
and finned white truffle.
No.
- That's a terrible letterhead.
- That's terrible.
If she really was psychic,
she should have used it on investments.
Or at least seeing the
firing coming, right?
You don't really believe she's...
Belief is the death of intelligence.
Besides, we don't have
to believe in psychics.
We just have to know the law.
Right.
I think I know why you
have me on this case,
and thank you,
because if we win this, we set precedent,
and this will look great
when I try for judge.
I'm so glad you think that.
Hey. I'm Carmen Phillips.
- You're hard to get ahold of.
- Yeah.
My phone burned up when
our house burned down.
She lives with the Franklin and the Bash.
Oh. Is that a long-term plan?
I don't know. Does it matter?
I hope not.
I need you to do some digging
about Juliette Morano at Capstone.
Capstone.
Yeah, um, I'm more
comfortable in, like, bars.
I'm more comfortable in St. Barts.
But I work here.
I'll take your findings tomorrow.
Juliette's been arrested.
I was returning my key card to Capstone,
and I ran into my boss, Bryan Easton,
in the parking garage.
We shook hands, and... it happened.
What?
One of my... visions.
He was yelling at me,
had me pinned up against the car
like he was gonna hit me.
What did you do?
I pepper-sprayed him in the face.
So, you shook hands
with a former co-worker
and then pepper-sprayed him in the face.
Awesome. Could you just give us one second?
Uh...
if Bryan testifies that she peppered him,
it is gonna cinch their claim
that her behavior is just unpredictable.
Unless we don't let them
frame it as an assault.
We say it was something else.
Bad manners?
You went to law school, right?
... Distressed vessel is
at about 33.25 north...
119.5 west.
I got eyes on.
Winds steady at 30 knots, gusts to 50.
I'm gonna pluck this guy.
Captain Masters,
that is you from your helicopter
describing the sea that day?
- It is.
- In your expert opinion,
was the captain of this
vessel grossly negligent
going out in such conditions?
Yes, ma'am.
Where's Johnny?
I told him 9:30.
Oh.
Nice entrance.
He's like Quint from "Jaws."
Yeah.
"For that, you get the head, the tail,
the whole damn thing."
"The shark's got lifeless eyes,
black eyes, like a dog's eyes."
"When he comes at you,
doesn't seem to be living."
Gentlemen,
this is the part of our
show where you cross-examine.
Yeah.
Why do you smell like beer?
I didn't want to smell like rum.
I hate being this far from the ocean.
In those weather conditions,
the inner ear is sending out wildly
contradicting signals to the brain.
The motion sickness is intense.
Forget a small vessel's integrity.
A person's far too debilitated
to even safely operate one.
And you know this because
as a former naval aviator,
you've trained in motion sickness?
Extensively.
Ever trained in a motion simulator?
Of course... from...
pitch-and-roll platforms
to multilevel gyroscopes,
- I've pretty much done them all.
- Wow.
You want to train in one again?
See how long you can go
before becoming debilitated?
Objection.
- Badgering the witness.
- How is that badgering the witness?
All right, fine. He can go second.
Your Honor, we'd like to
call our client to the stand
to do a demonstration using
our own motion-sickness system
that simulates the
conditions on rough seas.
Relevance, Your Honor?
Our client is accused of
being grossly negligent
for going out that day
based on Captain Masters' understanding
of a person's ability to
withstand motion sickness.
But as our demonstration will prove,
our client can handle far
more than the average person...
dare I say,
even more than a seasoned
pilot like Captain Masters.
I'll play.
Fine.
Okay. Place your bets, people.
Let's do this.
As you will see,
this device can provide
quite a disorienting ride.
I got pretty woozy after 48 seconds.
45.
- It was 48. It was 48 seconds.
- 45. It was 45 seconds.
You started the timer late.
He started the timer late.
I can show you. I can show...
Hey, Heckle and Jeckle.
Yes, Your Honor.
Ready?
Yep. All right.
This could go on for quite a while.
We might want to consider
ordering lunch in.
Yeah, uh, we might want to hold the lunch.
Yeah, we should.
Three feet higher, he would
have strafed the judge.
It was just our lucky day.
Guy at the docks said
they found the Carly Rose.
That's great.
Not necessarily.
The guys that found her
can claim ownership now.
Maritime salvage laws.
I got to call the boat that found her.
Maybe I can
talk them into giving her to me.
Call them from here. We can help negotiate.
Fishermen don't use phones
at sea, just vhf radio.
Hold on.
A boat radioed Ventura County
- to give your location that day, right?
- Yeah.
So, they make a distress
call and then disappear?
That's not weird? Not really.
Once those freighters
start screwing for China,
they don't stop.
... Distressed vessel is
at about 33.25 north...
119.5 west.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Stop.
Play that part again.
Distressed vessel is
at about 33.25 north...
119.5 west.
Engine hum.
- What about it?
- I don't hear any.
So, you're saying that call
wasn't made from a boat?
But they knew you were out there.
Who could have done that?
High Line fishing.
They saw me heading out into the channel.
I told them where I was headed.
They made the rescue call.
They knew this might happen to me!
Wait, wait. J... J... Johnny?
Johnny! Stop him. Johnny!
What's High Line?
And why would they want to sabotage you?
They're competitors.
And I make noise about the
crappy way they catch fish.
They'd love me to go away.
Okay, well, if we could prove
that they maliciously made the call,
they'll be on the hook
for the rescue charges.
What about my boat?
One step at a time.
Let us talk to High Line,
and we'll see what we're facing first.
- Okay.
- Okay.
- Thanks, guys.
- Yeah.
We'll call High Line.
Hey.
Is that Rachel's magic 8 ball?
Signs point to yes.
Hottest psychic character?
Jean Grey, the redhead from "X-Men."
Carrie.
Telekinesis. She could move things.
Yeah, she could.
Ms. Morano. Hi. Jared Franklin.
I'm a colleague of Miss King's.
- Hello.
- So...
Do you see a blond doctor in my future?
I see a...
Stop. I don't want to know.
That's not natural. She can see my death.
- What is wrong with you?
- Juliette.
Will you wait for me in my office, please?
- I'll be right there.
- Sure.
Excuse me.
Nice meeting you.
But you knew that.
Judge Wells overrode
California employment law
and fish-man puked in Judge Reid's court?
Yep.
So you better pick up the pace
'cause we are waxing your...
- I'm your boss.
- That's true.
I thought we were just having fun. Sorry.
Fun is an all-night foam party on Ibiza.
And at sunrise,
you realize you never
even got the guy's name.
Okay.
We're, uh,
- gonna work on the man-on...
- We're gonna go...
- the-boat...
- Yeah.
Not as fun as a foam party, but, you know.
Johnny's always been a bit of a cowboy.
It's a good thing we found that boat.
Good for who?
Everybody.
It was a hazard to navigation.
If you guys are his lawyers,
you should know that.
Yeah, yeah, we knew that.
So, you... you plan on
giving that boat back, right?
Not sure.
We spent a lot of money
on fuel towing it in.
We may need to keep it.
Look, guys, if you'll
excuse me, I'm kind of busy.
- Yeah, sure.
- Aye-aye, captain.
Thanks.
Copy that, High Line 3.
- I'll see you in an hour.
- Dude, check it out.
You remember that weird noise
on the, uh, on the tape...
that chirp.
Clarence... that's, uh, that's
a cool name for a parrot.
His full name is Clarence Beaks.
I guess it's from...
"Trading Places," Paul Gleason.
My John Landis references go deep.
Where is, uh, Clarence Beaks now?
Home. Bird flu.
- Bird flu?
- We're busy, guys.
- Sure. Thanks.
- Thanks.
When Juliette touched you,
did she have a psychic vision?
Yes, she predicted my car accident
six weeks before it happened,
exactly like she said it would.
She touched my arm and said
I would find my husband
in bed with my contractor.
And she knew his name would be Brad.
All the doctors said I
couldn't get pregnant,
but when Juliette hugged me,
she saw twins.
A year later, I had the boys.
No further questions, Your Honor.
Miss Morano, we've heard
some remarkable examples
of your ability to touch people
and see what they're thinking.
I know it sounds strange.
It's just something I've been able to do
since I was a little girl.
Now, what happened when you touched Bryan?
I saw what he was thinking.
He was going to attack me.
He was gonna attack you in
a deserted parking garage,
so you didn't just fly off the
handle and pepper-spray him.
You were stopping an imminent attack.
Yes.
You were acting in self-defense.
Objection, Your Honor.
This is ridiculous!
You can't claim self-defense
based on anticipation.
Your Honor, it wasn't anticipation.
Witness testimony proved
it was going to happen.
No, that testimony proved
she knew it was going to
happen to those other people.
For self-defense to stand, Mr. Karp,
you need to prove that
miss Morano is psychic
vis-?-vis Mr.
Easton in this court.
Court is adjourned until tomorrow.
You want a subpoena for Mr. Beaks?
- Yes.
- Yeah.
We believe he can prove
that High Line made a
fraudulent rescue call
to sabotage our client,
get him pulled off his
boat, charged for the rescue,
basically put him out of business.
And then they got greedy,
tried to take his boat... big mistake.
- Because now they are pirates.
- Boom.
Robbers of the high seas.
Pirates? Like Errol Flynn.
Not the first name to
jump to mind, but yes.
Now, where's Mr. Beaks as we speak?
In Ron Lee's living room.
In a cage.
A cage?
Is this a police matter?
He's a parrot.
Ah.
A parrot.
I like weird cases. I do.
You want to name these guys as pirates,
be my guest!
But I'm gonna need just a little bit more
to subpoena a parrot.
Aye-aye, Your Honor.
What are you talking like that for?
It's a pirate thing.
The "arr" and the...
avast ye... I got to go.
It's like a circus every
time I talk to them.
Hey. I'm here for my
interview with Mr. Easton.
- Name, please?
- Lisa Anne Ball.
Aww.
- So cute.
- Thanks.
Mine are 3...
and 5... and 6.
Yikes.
I don't see your name here.
Really? That's weird because
I was confirmed for 11:00.
Let me see why I don't see your name here.
Hey, uh, are they cool
with single moms here?
My oldest plays soccer,
and I would love to
make an occasional game.
They don't call it work for nothing.
Oh, my God. You know what?
My appointment's actually on Thursday.
I got the date wrong.
This is so embarrassing. I'm sorry.
Our secret.
Thank you, 'cause I
could really use this job.
I'm reliable, and
I'm not into palm reading.
I don't think that's the
real reason she was fired.
Really?
If we try the first U.S. piracy case
in the last two centuries,
do you know what that means for our lives?
Yeah, Rachel loses,
and we never miss surfing a glassy morning.
We get to go wenching.
"Wenching"?
Yeah!
Wenching's not a word.
You can't make any noun
a verb by adding "i-n-g."
- Show me one you can't.
- Car.
Show me two you can't.
Elevator, glass,
- cabin.
- Stop it.
Gentlemen, I... oh. Sorry.
I thought I heard Peter.
I'm on my way.
He misses his favorite chair. He visits it.
Uh, gentlemen, I...
I've just received a
rather distressing missive
from one of my Malibu neighbors.
Charlie contacted you?
Oh, Charlie. Oh. The comely doctor.
No, no.
Uh, actually, my foundation
does need a medical consultant.
Sir, you came in about something else?
Oh, yes. Thank you. Yes.
Mr. Rob Lowe.
He claims you purloined
his precious Italian sofa.
Now, I'm sure you boys are aware
they do have security cameras in the 'Bu.
No, sir, we thought he was throwing it out.
Actually, he did.
Sir, Peter will return what he stole.
Keep it! Or burn it!
Or strap a skateboard to
it and ride it down sunset.
I don't care.
But do not give it back to him!
Okay.
That little prick... h
stole Jackie Bisset from me
when he was starring in that movie "Class."
By the way, a part that he won
by poisoning Emilio's chili
at the Malibu cook-off the
day before his callback.
Sir, if I had a time machine,
I would go back to Malibu in 1980.
It's been war ever since.
Five years ago, he punched my house-guest,
the ambassador of Tonga,
for walking on his sand!
So I had his sand sent his bedroom...
by dump truck.
Well, so it goes on.
And you guys are still neighbors.
Actually, he's your neighbor now.
So the next time you have
one of your epic parties,
make sure that your
guests park on his lawn.
Yes, sir.
If it's war, you should use every ally.
Huh.
We should be doing the same thing...
use every ally.
No.
Fish and Wildlife doesn't
handle pet parrots, guys.
You're gonna have to try something else.
I didn't know Fish and Wildlife
wardens had the authority
to tell us what to do,
or do you just think you're
in charge where you're not?
Well, see, now, I think you'd be surprised
at Fish and Wildlife authority.
You see, when people get piggy,
we can shut down their whole operation.
"Piggy"? I was just catching waves.
You were catching every wave.
Okay, all right, big kahuna, gidget.
You guys are both great
surfers. You get tons of ladies.
Can we get back to Johnny?
What did you mean when
you said Fish and Wildlife
could shut down their entire operation?
Well, to discourage undersized catch.
See, you break the rules on one boat,
we can inspect it all...
warehouses, cars, boats.
Living rooms?
Damien says you have good news.
We spoke with Allen Pierce.
We were able to talk him
into a settlement offer...
$50,000.
They want this to go away.
What do you think?
I think you're afraid we're gonna lose
if I have to be psychic in court.
I think accepting it
might be our best move.
Mm-hmm.
I could go.
Or stay.
I'll just stay.
You're receiving a crown...
but you don't want it.
What are you, like, secret royalty?
Yes, I'm Princess Khaleesi
of House Targaryen.
You really think you can be
psychic with Bryan in court?
Yes.
All right. We'll give it a shot.
All right, you want to take the back?
I'll take the front?
Yeah.
Spot inspection by Fish and Wildlife?
Yeah, somebody called
in an undersized smelt
on one of High Line's boats.
That seems like something
that should really be investigated.
Right. Look, we got like
three minutes. Let's go.
All right, well, the only way
to know if this is the bird is
if we get him to make that noise again.
How?
You know, we could, uh,
- squeeze him.
- What do you mean, "squeeze"?
It's not an accordion.
What the hell's going on here?
Who are these guys?
No, no, Wes, it's okay.
These are, uh, friends of mine.
They're surfer buddies.
Yeah, well, they can't be in here, Geno.
Get them out of here.
Yeah. All right.
Yeah.
Ms. Morano, we'd like you
to read Mr. Easton's mind.
Mr. Easton, I would like you to think
of someone that's very important to you
and someone that you've
never mentioned to Juliette.
And I'd also like you to think of a number
and write the name and
the number on that card.
Excellent. Now,
if you could please let
Ms. Morano hold your hand.
The name's not clear.
Henry?
Henry.
You're thinking of numbers
on a document.
I'm gonna say...
12... 30... 2,000.
A birthday?
Mr. Easton, can you please
show us what you wrote?
Let the record show that the card reads
"St. Patrick, 317."
Nothing further.
We don't have Rob Lowe's couch!
Okay?!
But if we did, we would be willing to offer
$400. $450.
$500.
It's a $10,000 couch filled
with siberian white goose down.
We don't have it.
How was court?
10-car pileup.
You have something for me?
Bryan Easton.
Seems he took a lot of
Juliette's high-net-worth clients
out to expensive lunches, dinners.
Greasing them.
He's trying to scoop them all up.
They play hardball in finance.
He was doing it six
months ago... secretly...
while she was still working there.
That's a big no-no.
Yep.
Dig deeper on Bryan... right
now. It's time-sensitive.
Got it.
And, Carmen,
stop at I.T., get yourself a new phone.
I knew you'd be fine at Capstone.
You're talented.
Don't let anybody hold you back.
Living with Franklin and
Bash doesn't hold me back.
It does the opposite.
If you say so.
I thought I told you
that I wasn't going to subpoena
a parrot without precedent.
The State v. Sabin.
Los Angeles superior court, 1958.
The case of the perjured parrot.
Oh!
You're going to use an
episode of "Perry Mason" as precedent.
It was the golden age of
television, Your Honor.
Your Honor, we are...
- desperate.
- Very.
But our client's livelihood
has been destroyed.
We're not just talking about a fine.
We're talking about his way of life.
He's constantly under siege
from fishing conglomerates
and regulations and gas prices,
and he's out there every
day, fishing for us,
catching the fish that we eat.
And he does it in a way
that protects our oceans.
And he thinks outside the
box, protecting our future,
so can't we do the same for him?
Well...
Oh, look, Buddy Hackett's
on "Johnny Carson" tonight.
I've got this.
Mr. Easton,
what kind of clients do people
in your profession really want?
I guess that would be
high-net-worth
individuals.
"High-net-worth
individuals."
I believe you call them
"hin-wees" in your line of work.
Sometimes. Yes.
Hin-wee. Sounds a lot like Henry.
I'd like to enter
Ms. Morano's Capstone client list
as exhibit 4.
Can you read for the court
the total assets of Juliette's hin-wees?
$123,020,000.
A number that, when written out,
corresponds to December 30, 2000,
the date that Juliette saw
when she read your mind.
Weren't you thinking
about Juliette's hin-wees
in yesterday's demonstration?
No.
Weren't you willing to do whatever it took
to get those clients,
even start vicious
rumors that got her fired?
Objection. What is she going
to accuse him of next... murder?
Close. Assault.
Juliette saw Mr. Easton so angry at her
for not relinquishing her client list,
he was about to assault her.
That's enough, Ms. King!
Continue this line of questioning,
and I'll hold you in contempt.
You served on the hiring committee
for the last two years.
I did.
Ever hire any applicants
from your Alma Mater, Yale?
A few, but we also have executives
from Harvard, Stanford... everywhere.
Well, not everywhere.
Have you ever hired an executive
from Mt. Wood Community College?
No.
Of course not.
Capstone would never hire a graduate
from such a low-profile
two-year school, would they?
Objection. Relevance.
I think Bryan knows the
relevance, but I'll move on.
Did you orchestrate Ms. Morano's dismissal
in the hopes of getting her clients?
Maybe.
Yes.
No further questions, Your Honor.
Okay.
Let's take a little recess
to lick our wounds, shall we?
I never told you Bryan
went to community college.
I know. My new investigator did.
Your vision about Bryan was right.
You are a psychic.
But you need a great lawyer, too.
Lawyers.
Janice, do you remember
anything about the day
our client was pulled from his boat?
No.
Do you know what the punishment is
for aiding and abetting pirates?
You get gibbeted...
which is they hang you in an iron cage
until you
"star-r-r-r-ve" to death.
Objection. Relevance.
Sustained.
Did High Line steal my
client's boat, like pirates?
No. We salvaged it.
But it's not salvage if you
intentionally shipwreck a boat.
In fact, that's how captain
kidd pillaged the high seas.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Someone placed a fake call from a vhf radio
that my client was in trouble
so that he would be pulled from his boat,
knowing that it may founder.
... Distressed vessel is
at about 33.25 north...
119.5 west.
No idea who made that
call, where it came from?
A passing freighter? I don't know.
Your Honor, we have a sound
expert prepared to testify
that the distress call couldn't have come
from an ocean-going vessel
because there is no
background or engine noise.
We'd like to call Clarence Beaks.
Uh, Mr. Franklin, heave to, please.
Look...
I've already called
custodial once this week.
They can be very vindictive.
If that bird craps...
I will catch it before it
hits the ground, Your Honor.
Smooth sailing, there, Popeye.
Aye-aye, cap'n.
Buddy.
Your Honor, I'm all for
living out a pirate fantasy,
but in court, it doesn't...
Your Honor, while this is great,
this is not my pirate fantasy.
Mr. Franklin, if we're gonna do this...
Janice, do you recognize this bird?
It's Mr. Beaks, our parrot.
So he's yours?
No.
He's Ron Lee's, my boss.
But Ron keeps him in the High Line office
- near the radio?
- Yes.
Does Mr. Beaks here ever talk or sing or...
chirp?
No.
But he's a parrot.
They sing and talk.
I've seen them on YouTube and cartoons.
Maybe the good ones.
Not ours. He's never said a peep.
I think he's damaged.
Maybe if you held him, that would help.
- No, that's okay.
- Are you sure?
Yes.
Why not? Maybe it's a self-esteem thing.
If you hold him, he'll sing
like a canary or a parrot.
- Gesundheit.
- Thank you.
You're allergic to Mr. Beaks, aren't you?
I recognized the anti-dander
spray in your office.
Bless you.
The sound on the call is your sneeze
because the call came
from High Line's offices,
and you were there when the call was made.
Isn't that right, Janice?
I'll take that as a yes.
So the question becomes,
why did you feel the need to lie about it?
Was it because you placed
the call maliciously,
knowing it would destroy Johnny's business?
Take that as a yes, too.
No more questions, Your Honor.
Great.
We rest.
Of course, Capstone wants you back.
You can probably have Bryan's job.
He won't be needing it anymore.
Thank you.
And if you and Rachel need anything,
please let me know.
Oh, that's very kind.
It's not really my thing, but thank you.
I was talking about investment advice.
Oh, well...
Would you like me to try a reading?
I... I'm notoriously difficult to read.
I... I have very thick skin.
Plus a half-inch of man makeup.
Disregard them.
Oh.
I didn't get anything.
Come on. Give it to him straight, doc.
He can take it.
Oh, please. I have nothing to hide.
I saw you in jail.
- Bingo.
- Boom.
All right. Very amusing.
But, gentlemen, I suggest you get some rest
because 8:00 A.M. comes very early.
Good day.
Our win set precedent on protected classes.
I've been invited to speak
in front of the state bar association.
But we won a piracy trial.
That's better?
- Is she joking?
- It must be a generation thing.
This is the first U.S.
piracy case since the 1800s.
We made the "Weird News" Huffington Post.
Yeah, and we're... we're,
uh, trending on Twitter.
We're trying to get the best associates
- in a month, right?
- Yeah.
Whose case do you think
is gonna turn them on more?
The one where they get to
speak in front of the state bar?
I'm not turned on.
Or the one they win with
a parrot on their shoulder?
Whoa, that is sexy!
You said, "whichever case
benefits the firm's reputation."
I didn't say "to recent graduates."
You didn't not say "to recent graduates."
"Didn't not say to," really?
It's not my best work. I'm not proud.
Guys, it's gonna be
offshore tomorrow morning.
Surf should be good.
Enjoy.
Come on, Johnny, paddle out with us.
Yeah, take a break.
High Line has to pay the
fine. You got your boat back.
I got to repair lines, rig
poles... no break for me.
You guys have fun.
- All right. All right.
- Hey, guys, hold up. Hold up.
- What is that?
- What?
What are you doing?
Stretching my iliotibial band.
- Your what?
- My I.T. band.
You learn that in the Valley?
I still don't like that guy.
Yeah.
- He's a better surfer than you.
- What?
Come on.
It's okay. You're a better lawyer than him.
Guys, the couch is gone!
The front door was wide open!
It's gone!
Rob Lowe.
"St. Elmo's Revenge."
Let's go surfing.
That's it?
He's really that better
of a surfer than me?
He's a much better surfer than you.
Come on.